Episode #145: Who am I?” Valerie remembers asking herself this question while sitting in a meditation hall at Aung Lan Monastery late one evening. “Why are we seeking and loving so much about having this attraction and attachments? What is going on? And so, that's how I started out.”

Born in Myanmar to a Chinese Muslim family and a later convert to Buddhism, Valerie eventually relocated to California. There she became involved in the beauty pageant circuit and modeled, and was employed as manager of a commercial lending bank. But when an acquaintance she was due to meet suddenly died, her life priorities were shaken and she decided to attend a meditation course in the Thae Ingu tradition.

Her first retreat was excruciating. The pain at one point became so severe she began to fear she was dying. But she was determined and eventually became able to detach from her pain. Her mind sharpened, she delighted in the subtle detail that only a penetrative mind is able to reach. She began to sit for longer and longer periods, examining the origin of suffering and the identification with body, and the conditionality of self.

The course had a profound effect on Valerie, as she discovered when she returned home. She stopped modeling, and in fact barely attended to her appearance at all, which led to interventions from management at her bank and alarmed her friends.

Then the military coup in Myanmar happened. And as deep as her spiritual journey had taken her, Valerie also found herself unable to sit at all following the coup because of the horrors being perpetrated by the Tatmadaw. Valerie became involved with the democracy movement and began to question her practice in light of the military’s brutality. While fully aware that the ultimate cause of suffering is inside, Valerie also feels strongly that seeking out a peaceful inner life is not possible in the wake of the excruciating harm the military is inflicting on the Burmese people. 

Valerie felt compelled to choose between prioritizing spiritual or worldly liberation, and temporarily has chosen the latter. Her reasoning is that the singular cause of so much intense suffering on the outside needs to be taken care of in the short term before conditions can again arise that support widespread meditation practice in the future, when peace eventually does return to the Golden Land.

For now, her present pathway is clear. “We will try to support those people who are inside the country and fighting for the people, who are fighting for fairness, and fighting for the truth.”