For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

When therapy didn’t work, Katie feared she’d never get control of her anger. Her relationship was falling apart, her parenting was suffering and she was terrified of repeating the cycle of anger she grew up with.

In this inspiring episode, anger expert Alastair Duhs interviews Katie about her powerful journey—how she broke free from past patterns, what finally helped and how her family life has transformed as a result.

Key Takeaways:

-Therapy often focuses on the past, but anger needs to be managed in the present with clear, practical tools.

-Katie’s turning point came through the Complete Anger Management System, where she learned how to recognise her early warning signs of anger and take real-time action.

-Using the Tension Scale, Positive Self-Talk and the Anger Diary, Katie was able to reflect, grow and change how she responds to stress.

-Change is not always linear, but with commitment and support, progress is absolutely possible—even in a few short weeks.

-Healing generational anger is possible and Katie’s story shows that with the right tools, you can create a better future for yourself and your children.

-Supportive, relationship-focused anger management can lead to real breakthroughs for both individuals and couples.

Links referenced in this episode:

angersecrets.com — Learn more about anger management

angersecrets.com/training — Watch the free training: Breaking The Anger Cycle

angersecrets.com/course — Enroll in The Complete Anger Management System

For years, Katie struggled with anger.

She tried therapy, she attended face to face anger programs, but nothing really worked.

Her relationship was hanging by a thread, her parenting was suffering, and she was terrified of passing her anger on to her daughter.

Then something changed.

Katie found a new approach.

One that gave her the tools that to finally take back control of her anger.

In this episode, you'll hear Katie's story.

How she broke the cycle of anger, what finally worked for her, and how she's creating a calmer, happier life for herself and her family.

Welcome to episode 158 of the Anger Secrets podcast.

I'm your host, Alistair Dewes, and for over 30 years, I've taught thousands of men and women to control their anger, take responsibility for their actions, and build calmer, happier and more loving relationships.

If you want help right now to manage your anger, including a powerful free training on how to break the anger cycle, head over to my website, angersecrets.com.

there's a link there to access that free training.

Or if you'd like to chat personally with me about your situation, you can also book a free 30 minute anger assessment call with me.

I look forward to talking with you.

With that said, in today's episode, I interview Katie, a newer member of the Complete Anger Management System, my comprehensive online coaching program designed to help you control your anger, master your emotions, and create calmer, happier and more loving relationships far faster than you may think possible.

But before we dive into Katie's story, I want to thank you for listening.

Whether you're a long time follower or tuning in for the very first time, I know it isn't easy to admit you struggle with anger and it's often even harder to take the step of seeking outside help.

So if you take just one thing from this episode, let it be.

Admitting you need help with anger is not a sign of weakness.

It's a sign of tremendous courage.

It takes real strength to face your anger honestly and decide to make a change.

Of course, getting the right help is what makes the difference, and that's what today's episode is about.

Katie, like many people I've worked with, had been battling anger issues for years.

She tried traditional options, face to face anger management programs and therapy sessions, but found that neither gave her the tools she needed to truly change.

This is something I see often.

Many people believe therapy or counselling will solve their anger issues.

And while therapists are well intentioned, in my experience I've found that therapy alone often isn't effective for anger.

Why is this?

It is simply because therapy usually Focuses on exploring the past, when anger is an emotion that has to be managed in the present moment.

When you're in the middle of an argument with your partner or your child, you can't hit pause and process your childhood.

You need simple, practical tools to manage your anger right then and there.

Unfortunately, most therapy training doesn't cover these tools.

In fact, during my own therapy training, how to deal with anger issues wasn't discussed even once.

I know that many other counsellors today are in the same position, and that's why therapy can fall short.

Many therapists often give you a textbook on fire extinguishers when what you need is an actual extinguisher in your hands.

So what should you do instead?

That's where Katie's story comes in.

Like many of my clients, she made the brave decision to take action not only for herself, but to break the cycle of anger and abuse she grew up with and to give her daughter a different future.

With that, let's jump into my conversation with Katie.

So just tell me a little bit about yourself.

So I am 35 years old, I have a daughter, and I've been with my partner for about 10 years now.

And I decided to join your anger management course because my relationship, it was getting really, like, abusive.

And I noticed that it was affecting the way I was parenting and I didn't want to repeat the generational cycle that was repeated onto me too.

And so I knew that I needed help and more help than just what I was gaining from my therapist.

What kind of behaviors were you concerned about?

I was worried about verbal abuse, possibly just.

I consider spanking like physical abuse.

So I was worried about getting to the point where I okayed spanking.

I didn't want to do that with my daughter.

Also, our relationship with my partner, it was barely hanging on and we were talking about splitting up and co parenting.

And I also didn't want that for her either.

Yeah, thanks for that.

So.

So how has starting the course been for you?

It's been really good.

I've been doing really well and my partner has noticed a change and it's been helping our relationship.

And my daughter has even noticed a change too.

Things I used to just snap at or a lot of fights that we would get into in front of her have decreased drastically.

That's awesome.

What do you think you're doing differently?

I think the most helpful is early warning signs, being, like, aware of them and noticing where I am on the tension scale and then using the positive self talk to get out of where I am.

On the tension scale.

And the anger diary also helps a lot.

I'm able to, like, look back and not only see my progress, but also see what I was angry about and like, self reflect.

So are there any common themes in that?

Like, has something been getting you angry Consistently?

Yeah.

It was mostly feeling disrespected and having that positive self talk about not like taking it so personally has helped.

Um, I just need to practice it more and.

But for the most part, I'm able to disengage.

And I'm guessing that leads to a better outcome.

Oh, yeah, definitely.

And how fast do you think you've made these changes?

So I'm on.

I believe I'm on week five or six.

Around week four is when my partner said that he started seeing me improving with my awareness and not so angry, not so much on edge.

Has it been easy or hard for you to make these changes?

So far, so it's.

It hasn't been hard and it's not like an.

It's a straight up, like, slope.

Like last week went down.

But that's how I feel.

Like, growth is.

It's not going to look straight up all the time.

And some weeks are better than others.

But I feel like I'm making progress and yeah, I feel like I'm making progress.

I understand that you grew up in a home where there was some form of anger or abuse.

Did you kind of witness this when you were growing up?

Yeah, there was a lot of yelling, not too much hitting or anything like that.

But my parents fought a lot.

Like every day, pretty much.

And my dad would always, like, yell at me and my sisters a lot.

Yeah, there was a lot of.

I guess he would have picked up some behaviors from witnessing that.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

I've always been just really angry as a person since I was a little child.

I would throw tantrums and I was always angry.

And it was something that was always a struggle for me throughout my whole life.

And I think some of your motivation to change is not to pass on your anger to your daughter.

Is that right?

Yes.

Yes.

I do not want to pass this on to her.

So that was very motivating to.

To join this course.

Has anything else in the course stood out for you?

I really like how you tie in relationships to the anger management because it's interrelated.

I feel like relationships and striving for a healthy, happy relationship without, like, abuse and some things.

Like, my partner didn't even realize how he was also being abusive, even though it wasn't like a Physical abuse.

He was so abusive.

And when he started the course too, it was like an eye opener for him and it just motivated him to also want to change that.

So I really liked how you added that into the course.

So if someone was listening to this podcast episode and thinking about doing the.

Course, what would you say to them?

If it's something that you've been struggling with and you've been trying to get help, I definitely recommend this course.

It's different than doing like a group, like in person anger management course, which I've done before.

That is helpful, but I feel like this is like even more helpful because I'm able to go back to the modules and re listen and watch them and redo the exercises again.

And I found that very helpful.

There's so much that you just miss if you just listen to it once.

So just re watching it and re listening to it and applying the skills.

Like, yeah, it's really, it's beneficial.

And how does this course compare with, say, doing therapy?

There's just so much more dedicated to like your anger versus in therapy.

It's like your childhood trauma and other things, like trying to dive into that and what caused this and that.

And for anger management, specifically catered to your anger and finding the skills that work for you, that help you, and it focuses on that.

I feel like also that you have more skills to give and provide versus a therapist.

I've asked my therapist for skills multiple times and they gimme the same thing.

It's little superficial, like just square breathing, things like that.

I feel like you dive into it a little bit more.

Okay, thank you.

Anything else you'd like to say?

Um, yeah, I'm just really happy that I did this course.

That it's.

Yeah, it was really beneficial to my family and myself.

I would like to thank Katie for being brave enough to address her issues of anger and to make real change.

And also for being brave enough to share her anger management journey on this podcast.

I know that there is more work for Katie to do, but she has made a great start and I am confident that she will continue her learning, benefiting herself, her partner, and her daughter for years to come.

And if you are struggling with anger issues, I know that you can do the same.

There you have it.

The truth about therapy and anger and Katie's story of change.

If this episode was helpful for you, I'd love it if you'd hit that follow button and maybe leave a quick podcast review.

It helps others find the podcast and it might be the exact thing someone else needs to hear today.

And if you're ready to take the next step in controlling your anger when you once and for all, book a free call with me or watch my free training@AngerSecrets.com I look forward to helping you on your journey towards creating a calmer, happier and healthier life.

And finally, remember, you can't control other people, but you can control yourself.

I'll see you in the next episode.

Take care.

The Anger Secrets Podcast is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute the practice of counseling, psychotherapy, or any other professional health service.

No therapeutic relationship is implied or created by this podcast.

If you have mental health concerns of any type, please seek out the help of a local mental health professional.