What if you fail, what if you spend too much money, what if you hit a roadblock? What if you don't make progress? What if you waste all your time trying and then fail? What if you try and no one notices? What if they think you are an impostor? Thinking like this is what I like to call, "What-If-ing" yourself to death.

Takeaways:

• It is paramount to confront and dismantle the pervasive negative thought patterns that inhibit personal growth and fulfillment in one's journey.
• The host emphasizes the significance of shifting one's mindset from a focus on potential failures to an optimistic perspective on possible successes.
• Engaging in reflective exercises, such as envisioning desired outcomes, can profoundly alter one's trajectory towards achieving significant life goals.

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Transcript

Yes, you can. A Podcast for High Achievers hi, I'm Tami North.

The goal of this podcast is to help you become the best that you can be. Don't ever doubt the power you have to make the world a better place. Yes, you can make a difference.

You have so many objections running through your mind right now. You know what you want to do. You feel, feel it in your soul. But you're stuck in place because your mind is twirling.

And all you can think is, what if I fail? What if everything goes wrong? What if people judge you? What if your friends don't like you doing this? What if your partner doesn't understand?

What if your kids just stare at you like they don't get you at all? What if your parents are upset because they think you should do something more sensible? What if you fail? What if you spend too much money?

What if you hit a roadblock? What if you don't make any progress? What if you quit just before you are going to succeed? What if you waste all this time and then you still fail?

Or worse, what if you try really hard and nobody notices? What if they think you're an imposter? Thinking like this is what I like to call what if ing yourself to death.

But today I want you to try what if ing yourself to life. It's true that both good things and bad things can happen and will happen. Is either one more likely than the other?

Is it more likely that bad things will happen than good things? Too often that's what you believe.

And when you have such deep seated beliefs that you basically think it's far more likely for a bad outcome than a good outcome, then you will create that reality in your own life.

Your belief about the prevalence of negative outcomes will essentially be a fact in your mind, even though you have absolutely zero quantifiable data to back this up. And as a result, you'll look around and you will see other negative things at a much higher rate.

All while you literally ignore all the amazing things that you do create or impact every single day. Here's an example I think you can relate to. Think about when you got your first new car, or maybe your last new car.

You know, the one you drive every day. Picture it right now. Think about the model, the color, the options.

And then consider there's probably at least, I don't know, 200, 250 million other people that can drive in this country. And there's definitely a plethora of car manufacturers variations of colors, options, models and styles.

But still, how often do you notice somebody driving a car that looks exactly like your car? This exact example is called the Baader Meinhof car. Cognitive bias which can lead to confirmation bias.

Essentially, when a new event occurs or when you learn new information, then you start to see that. Then you start to see that new thing everywhere you look.

And this leads to confirmation bias because once you see it everywhere, you start to believe that you really are seeing it everywhere. Which only proves your thought.

There's multiple other types of cognitive biases that impact the way you think and will cause you to come to conclusions. And that might not be accurate. This is actually great news because this is the opportunity and the fact that you have been waiting for.

The fact that your mind is not always accurate is now your opportunity to change your mindset in a way that will serve your future self. The fact is, your brain will trick you. It will trick you in the most surprising ways.

I'll talk a lot about other ways your brain can deceive you and will keep you playing small in the next few weeks. So subscribe say so you don't miss that episode because it's a really cool one that I'm working on right now.

We're going to have some fun with it, but in the meantime for today I just want to focus on all the things you are worrying about. About the ways you think, what if it all goes down the drain and how you can begin to turn around your thinking.

When I was young I had a thought that I was so shy and I also heard my mom's friends say that I would crumble if I was ever out of my comfort zone and that I should stay in my quiet safe Colorado farm town forever. I mean, by the way, I was prob under the age of seven when I heard these things most often.

But I along my childhood life I also heard things like all men will cheat on you. Men are never faithful, Men will leave you. You better be sure you can always take care of yourself because you will end up alone.

That was a different time when women were not guaranteed to work out of their home. A housewife and a stay at home mom stay still accounted for high percentages of adult women that I knew at that time.

So I think the adults in my own world did not want me to think that I had to get married, and also that I did not have to depend on anybody else. Looking back on my life, these strong voices did impact my life, both for good and for bad in some ways.

Trust me when I say, though, I love my current life and I'm thankful for all the experiences that made me who I am now. But still, let me explain how some of this worked out. First, me thinking that I was shy.

I think, looking back, that it took me till I was about 24 years old and actively in the Navy, that I had been in the Navy for, you know, three or four years at that point, before I really started to break out of my shell and realized that I had a personality that other people actually loved and wanted to be around. In fact, I almost backed out of joining the Navy when I was 19 because some of my family members thought I would never make it because I was so shy.

But if I had not joined the Navy, if I had not been, for some reason, I don't even know right now what actually made me brave enough to go. But if I had not joined the Navy, I probably still live in my hometown today. I mean, I guess we'll never know.

But the way I see things is that I did not know any other way to get out of my small town at that point. And if I hadn't joined the Navy, it's highly likely I'd still be there.

And because I thought I was so shy, I used my own confirmation bias to find ways to prove that I was shy. I looked all around me, and I found all kinds of evidence that said I was shy, that I was introverted.

And then, therefore, I took very few risks in those days. The riskiest thing I think I ever did is sing a couple songs at a high school play. I wasn't an actor or an actress.

I was a person who sang a couple songs because I could just kind of stand there and sing. And the next riskiest thing I ever did is go to boot camp.

And because I was so shy in the first couple years I was in the Navy, I think that I played very small and very quiet. And I think I passed up some potential opportunities that I could have taken back then only because other people also saw me as super introverted.

And therefore, they probably never even considered that I could be a good leader someday. So I didn't even get, you know, really any leadership mentoring at that time. They were just like, oh, there's Tammy. She's a sweet young girl. Okay?

That was basically what they thought. Other people were recommended for officer programs Other people were recommended for leadership positions. Other people were Sailor of the Year.

Other, you know what I mean? Because I was just so quiet that I think I kind of blended in at that time. I eventually snapped out of it, but it took. It took much longer than it.

It probably needed to.

And then the way that all of the thoughts that were shared with me about all men will cheat on you and you better be independent, the way that those things ended up working out in my life is that I think I really took this advice to heart. I believe that that is partly what motivated me to get on that plane to go to boot camp.

To that point, I'd had one semester of college and I realized I was not ready. But when I look back now, I think what it really was is that I was not ready to stay in my hometown.

Around that time, I learned about the education and the benefits available to active duty sailors. And I realized that this might be my chance to get out of town and to see if I really could find a way to spread my wings.

And that was my first move to be independent. And sadly enough, regarding the thought that all men will cheat on you, I really took that comment to a deep place in my soul.

As a result, I never trusted any man until I was over the age of 40. Can you imagine that I'm talking? Never. I did not trust anyone, even really good men that graced my world.

And due to that, I had a few very bad relationships where I essentially chose toxic love over any other kind. And looking back, I can see that I was making my thoughts a reality.

I was making my belief that I had to be independent because all men will cheat 100% of the time. True. And then every time my heart got smashed, I just threw myself into my work. And I continued to educate myself even more.

Now I remember what it is I do For a while I thought my life was just loving you but now it's back to work oh, thank God for my work so from 9 to 5 I take a break from an empty bed and a heart that aches I'm good at my work oh, yes, I'm good at my work when the whistle blows I'll be there Life goes on even when it's not fair and who's got time to hurt Right now I gotta go to work oh, I got to stay busy that's the only way Throw myself into my business and collect my pay Watch me keep it together while I fall apart because the world won't stop For a broken heart oh, no.

Yeah, it's a little bit of a sassy, upbeat song, but when I think about it in the context of this episode that I'm recording right now for you, it's really kind of sad.

And I spent so much of my twenties and my thirties just working my butt off because I was banner determined I was going to succeed and be independent and achieve great things, that I did not need a man, and that everybody who had ever given me any of that advice about men, I had already proven them 100% true. So was my heart being broken because I chose bad relationships? So was my heart being broken because I chose bad relationships?

Or was it because when I was in the relationship, I assumed they were cheating? Even if they weren't? I would say it was actually both, depending on the relationship.

But either way, I was the one who took the action to be in the relationship, and I'm the one who took the action not to trust anybody. Could I have chosen better people? Were they available? Yeah, looking back, they were. But I made decisions to choose the ones who would break my heart.

I made the choice to believe the good ones were just as bad as the toxic ones. And as a result, I never had a good relationship until I did the work to deal with my own cognitive biases, my own thoughts, and clean them up.

And then at that time, when I made a. When I decided, okay, I'm going to clean up my mind, I'm going to get things straight, and I'm going to stop making these poor choices about love.

At that time, I was about 38 years old, and I decided that I would rather be in no relationship at all and that I wouldn't do it again unless it was healthy, loving and a mutually desirable relationship. And at that point, I spent another five years just me and my kids, growing, learning, loving myself.

And I really started taking some pretty cool risks. And after five years of never even holding a man's hand, my current husband walked through the door.

He's an amazing, accomplished, loving and strong man. He's a good man and I was ready for him. I had done the mindset work to be ready for this relationship.

But at that point, I had almost four decades of mindset to undo. So trust me, I'm not perfect. But he is patient and I want to be here. So we figure it out, and every year it Gets better and better.

I only wish that I could go back and tell my 17 year old self to be patient. The kind of love we all deserve will come. I wish I could tell her to go, learn, enjoy life and not to be afraid to love.

I wish I could tell her that she was worthy of being loved by a good man. And I wish I could tell her that there are are good men, men who can be trusted. And I wish she believed that 100%.

Now that I'm in this love and feel strong and confident about a love relationship, I realize that there are also many, many other people who do have amazing relationships. There's tons of examples all around me throughout our society that back up this belief.

What if I had decided to use that evidence instead of the negative evidence? This is how powerful our minds can be and how much our mindset can alter our path. For better or for worse. Today I want you to begin doing the work.

To believe that you are worthy now. To believe that you deserve your biggest dreams. To believe that you are lovable. To believe that you can achieve whatever it is you want.

That you can and you will. What if you believed your biggest dream will come true? What if you started to walk and talk like it already had?

What if you took action every day as if that was already your reality? What would you do differently than you are doing right now? What would that change for you?

Okay, I. I have an exercise for you today, a what if exercise that I'd like to walk you through. And I'm actually going to do it again today because I was talking to my executive coach the other day and I realized we were reviewing my goals.

I opened up my planner and started to read to her my goals from this year. And I realized most of my really big goals that I wrote down two to three years ago have already become a reality.

But today I'm going to work on the mindset to make them real in my own life. And I want you to think of at least one really big goal. A surprising Goal for your life.

You're willing to really work on and work toward something that is possible because at least one other person in the world has done it, and something that you truly believe you were born to do. Okay, think about that. Do you have the goal in your head right now?

When you do have a clear vision of that goal, get a blank piece of paper and write down the goal. And the top of the piece of paper, draw a horizontal line under it.

And then below that line, divide your paper into two columns by drawing one vertical line down the sheet of paper. In the left column, write what if? And then all the way down the left column, write every single thing you could think of that could go wrong.

When you think of that goal, what's going to get in the way of you achieving that goal? Think of all of everything. Your own mindset, your own limiting beliefs, potential, other things that could go wrong.

Your money, time, other people, whatever. You write down whatever you need to write down in that left column. And then once you're through with that, move over to the right column.

On the right side, write what if? At the top of that column. And then under that, I want you to write out every single thing that could possibly go right. What if you become a.

A millionaire? What if you meet the love of your life? What if you start a business and it works? You get the idea?

I want you to write down every single thing you can think of on both sides, and then review the negative side.

And if you're having any trouble thinking of positive comments, at the very minimum, make sure that every negative comment has a positive but opposite comment on the right side. And then, once you finish getting all of your thoughts out, fold your paper in half and stare at the positive side. Just really take it in.

Focus on it. Imagine who you will be when all of this becomes your reality. Reality. Burn it into your brain.

Save this paper, and anytime you have a negative thought about this goal, go and write it down on the negative side of the paper. Use as many sheets as you need to, and then always and immediately write the opposite positive thought on the other side.

If you really want to get this into your brain, incorporate mindfulness and meditation into your morning routine and spend at least five minutes, but longer if you can, 5, 10, 15 minutes, imagining that you have already achieved this goal. Imagine the positive side is your reality.

There you are in the early, early morning, drinking a cup of coffee is peaceful and quiet and there's nothing else happening. Just close your eyes and visualize that what you wrote down on the Right side of that paper is who you are now. Feel it. See through her eyes.

Taste your coffee with her lips. With a kind and generous spirit. Interact with with those that you believe you'll see when you're walking around the world as that person.

Speak with her voice. What is she wearing? Where is she standing? How does she feel today? What do you notice about her? What does she believe? Look at her shoes.

Look at her fingernails. Look at her hair. Look at her eyes. See how they sparkle. Feel her blood coursing through your veins. This is real. You can feel her breeze on your face.

Stay there, letting the warmth of her sunshine warm your cheeks. Be her While this vision is fresh in your mind. Plan for your day as she would if she were the one holding your planner.

Plan what you'll do, when you'll do it to include how you're going to nourish your body. How are you going to fuel your mind to prepare for this new reality?

Once you begin your day, whether you're working or if you're having a home or a personal day, do the things that you believe she would do in the way you believe she would do them. Another good exercise would be to write down all the attributes you know that she has. Is she organized? Is she a good planner? Is she an athlete?

Is she a healthy chef? Does she schedule deep work? Does she collaborate with others? Is she friendly and kind and generous? Does she love deeply? Does she care for her family?

Think of all the ways that she is, her character, her values, her strengths. And then never forget who she is because she is you. She wants you to believe you can, and then she wants you to get to work making it happen.

Okay, so no more what if ing yourself to death. Your mind is so powerful and that power can be used for good or bad. You do have the power to change your own own thinking.

If you've been programmed to think negatively for so long, it'll take a dedicated effort to change the thoughts running around in your mind. But the good news is that it is possible and you will be amazed at what you can achieve when you believe and take the steps to succeed.

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By the way, I share tips and tricks in my weekly newsletter to help you stay focused on all of these efforts. You can think of it as a subtle accountability partner, just a weekly reminder to be the best that you can be.

The link to subscribe is down in the show Notes. See you next week.