In this season premiere of The Fertility Café, host Eloise Drane, founder of Family Inceptions, dives into the many paths of third-party family building—from egg donation and sperm donation to embryo donation and surrogacy.

Navigating these options can feel overwhelming, but this episode serves as your refreshed guide to understanding the unique considerations, timelines, and emotional aspects of each path. Whether you're an intended parent, surrogate, or donor, you'll gain clarity, confidence, and insight into how to choose the path that aligns with your family-building goals.

In this episode, we’ll cover:

• The differences between egg, sperm, and embryo donation.
• The surrogacy process and what to expect.
• Key factors to consider: budget, timeline, emotional readiness, and support systems.
• Common myths about third-party reproduction debunked.

Every family’s journey is unique, and there’s no one-size-fits-all approach. Tune in to gain expert advice, heartfelt insights, and a roadmap for your family-building journey.

🎧 Listen now and subscribe for more honest conversations about modern family building.

Hi, and welcome to episode 101 of Fertility Cafe. I'm Eloise Drain, your host and the founder of Family Inceptions and its parent company Fertility 360. It's been a while since we had a new episode and I'm so glad to be back with you. And this time, the podcast is also available on video. You can watch it on the Fertility Cafe website or YouTube in addition to listening to the audio version. If you've been here since episode one, welcome back. And if you're new,

I'm so glad you're joining us. Welcome to the Fertility Cafe, where we explore the beautiful complexity of modern family building. I'm your host, Eloise Drain, and this is a space for honest conversations about surrogacy, egg donation, and the journey to parenthood. With expert insights and real stories, we're here to guide you through the medical, legal, and emotional aspects of third-party family building. We believe that love has no limits.

and neither should parenthood.

Let's take a quick trip back to the very first episode. That's when we set out to redefine what family building looks like and to offer support and education for everyone involved, intended parents, surrogates, and donors. I shared my aha moment back then, the realization that I wanted to help people navigate family creation through surrogacy, egg donation, and other modern approaches. 16 years later, it's still just as important to me to keep educating. In fact,

Now more than ever, with things changing so quickly, it can be hard to know what information is accurate and reliable. My goal is to help you cut through the noise and feel confident in your journey. Today we're diving into an important question. Which third party family building option is right for you? This episode will explore the landscape of options, much like in episode one, where we discuss the many faces of family and how normal has beautifully expanded.

Think of this as a refresh guide to navigating paths like egg donation, sperm donation, embryo donation, and surrogacy. Each journey has its own considerations and understanding them is key to finding the right fit for you. The first episode focuses on the options for intended parents. But if you're a surrogate or a donor, I want you to know that this information is just as valuable for you. Knowing the options available to intended parents

helps you understand where you fit in their journey, what your role means, and how you can support their choices. Your role is essential, and the more you know, the better you can help and make informed, compassionate choices along the way. As we step into this new season, let's also acknowledge a new development in the United States, which is that we have a new president. The change in leadership may bring questions about how family building journeys might be affected.

While it's too early to know for sure, we're here to navigate any changes together with you, providing clarity and support every step of the way. There's no single way to build a family, and third-party reproduction opens the door to many possibilities for anyone with a dream of parenthood, whether you're LGBTQ +, single, living with a disability, or following a non-traditional path. Here's a quick breakdown of the main options. Egg and sperm donation.

Egg or sperm donation is an option when someone can't use their own genetic material or doesn't have what's needed to create an embryo. A donor, egg or sperm or both, steps in to help, offering an incredible gift that makes parenthood possible. Embryo donation. Some families who have finished their own IVF journey have extra embryos and choose to donate them, giving others a chance to start or grow their families.

Gestational surrogacy is when a surrogate carries a baby for intended parents without being genetically related to the child, helping all kinds of families experience parenthood. Traditional surrogacy is when the surrogate uses her own egg, making her genetically related to the baby. This is less common now, but it's still an option for some. Adoption is another wonderful option for building a family, though it's technically not considered third-party reproduction.

Third-party reproduction is focused on methods that involve a genetic connection between the intended parents and the child, often with the help of a donor or surrogate. Adoption, on the other hand, is a process of bringing an existing child into your family, which follows its own unique path and legal process. So let's clear up some common myths about third-party family building. One I hear a lot is that it's only for the rich or famous, and that is some kind of shortcut to starting a family.

That couldn't be further from the truth. People from all walks of life choose these paths because it's what works best for them. It's definitely not an easy road. It takes time, effort, and commitment. But for many, it's the right way to have a child. Another misconception is about the relationships that form through this process. Surrogates often continue a relationship with the family they help, but it's not required.

and it depends on what feels right for everyone involved. With donors, many donations are anonymous, so there may not even be an opportunity for a connection. But every situation is unique. What matters most is that everyone involved respects each other's roles and boundaries. Starting your family building journey can feel overwhelming, especially if this is new to you. Some of you might be exploring whether third party reproduction is the right path.

while others already know it's the way to go, but aren't sure how to get started. Wherever you are, having questions is normal. It's part of the process. The key is finding what feels right for you and surrounding yourself with the right support to make it happen. Every family building experience is unique. One of the first decisions you'll need to make is whether to work with a fertility clinic, an agency, or both.

Everyone will need a fertility clinic for medical procedures like IVF and embryo transfers. But starting with an agency can help you clarify your goals and choose the best clinic for your needs. Agencies also guide you through planning, coordination, and finding the right donor or surrogate. If you're not sure what questions to ask, well, let me give you some. What do I need for my family building journey? Where should I look for the right professionals and resources?

What are the success rates for my situation? What timelines should I expect? Are there any legal or financial factors I should plan for? Agencies like Fertility360 are there to guide you every step of the way, connecting you with the resources you need and helping you feel confident as you move forward. Now that we've explored the different paths in third-party family building, let's talk about what it means to take that first step. Over the years, fertility care has changed

A lot. Many clinics are now part of larger networks, often backed by private equity. This raises an important question. Are you as a parent, surrogate or donor being truly cared for, or are you just seen as another number? Advocating for yourself is important. Being informed and understanding your options will help make sure you're treated with care and respect.

Before you dive into the process though, it's really important to make sure you and your partner are on the same page. Take some time to talk about your goals, what matters most to both of you, and any concerns you might have. Agreeing on the steps you want to take, whether it's egg donation, embryo donation, surrogacy, or something else, will help you feel more confident moving forward. Being aligned will also make navigating decisions down the road easier.

The process can feel like a lot, but breaking it into manageable steps and working closely with your clinic and agency will make it much more manageable. Choosing the right path in third-party family building is deeply personal. There's no one size fits all solution. Here are a few things to think about as you figure out what might work best for you. Personal circumstances and medical history. Your medical background and personal situation

play a big role in determining the best option. For some, egg or sperm donation might align with their needs, while others may require the more comprehensive support of surrogacy or embryo donation. Timeline expectations. Different paths come with different timelines. If you're looking for a faster process, frozen eggs or sperm donation might be a better fit. Options like surrogacy or fresh egg donation take longer.

So consider how much time you're able to dedicate to your journey. Of course, budget considerations. Your budget is a big part of this decision. Costs can vary widely depending on whether you're pursuing egg, sperm or embryo donation. And of course, surrogacy. Don't forget to account for things like legal fees, medical procedures and potential travel when planning your finances. Support system. This journey can be emotionally demanding.

So having a strong support system is invaluable, whether it's family, friends, or a counselor. Surrounding yourself with people you trust can make all the difference during the challenging moments. Religious or cultural factors. Some families' cultural or religious values influence their choices around genetic connections or specific family building methods. Reflecting on what aligns with your beliefs and priorities can help guide your decision.

Genetic connection preferences. If having a genetic link to your child is important, consider the following options. Using donor eggs. If you use donor eggs, your partner's sperm can provide a genetic connection to the child, or of course, vice versa. Future family planning. Think about your long-term goals. If you're hoping to have more children in the future, now is the time to plan ahead.

For example, you might consider freezing eggs or embryos to keep your options open. If you're working with a surrogate, consider how many surrogacy journeys you're willing and able to pursue to build your family. Planning ahead ensures you're making decisions that support your vision for your family, not just for today, but for the years to come. One of the biggest questions in third-party reproduction is, what does the medical process actually look like?

While most journeys involve IVF or in vitro fertilization, where eggs are fertilized outside the body and then transferred into a uterus, there's more to consider than just the procedure itself. First is the health of everyone involved. Intended parents, donors, and surrogates is one of the most important factors in third-party reproduction. And it includes pre-existing conditions that might affect pregnancy or IVF outcomes.

Lifestyle factors such as stress management or overall wellness that can influence success rates. The surrogate's health evaluations to ensure that she's physically prepared to carry a pregnancy safely. Screenings and testing. Before beginning the process, extensive medical testing is required for all parties. Genetic screening, which identifies potential genetic conditions that could affect the child or donor compatibility.

Fertility testing ensures eggs, sperm, and the uterine health are optimal for conception. Infectious disease testing protects everyone involved from potential health risks. These tests are not only about success rates, but also about ensuring a safe and healthy journey for everyone. IVF and related processes often require medications to prepare the body. These treatments can affect

hormonal balance for egg retrieval or embryo transfer, physical and emotional wellbeing for both intended parents and surrogates. Understanding these medications and their potential side effects is an important part of the journey. Risks and complications. When it comes to third party family building, there are always risks to think about. It's important to understand what might come up so you feel prepared along the way. IVF risks.

While IVF is generally safe, there are still some things to be aware of. Ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome, OHSS, can happen to donors or egg providers, though it's rare with today's protocols. But still, it can still happen. And while multiple pregnancies used to be more common with IVF, advances in single embryo transfers have made that much less a common concern. Pregnancy risks, let's be honest.

Every pregnancy comes with some level of risk, even if the person carrying is perfectly healthy. For surrogates, complications can happen during pregnancy, labor, or delivery. That's why having a great medical team and regular checkups is so important. Emotional risks. This journey isn't just physical. It can be an emotional roller coaster too. Medical setbacks, unsuccessful cycles.

or just the uncertainty of the process can be tough on everyone involved. Having people you trust, whether that's friends, family, or a counselor, makes a big difference when it comes to staying grounded. Understanding these risks doesn't mean you should feel scared. It just means being prepared and having the right support to help you navigate any challenges along the way. Choosing the right clinic. When it comes to selecting a fertility clinic, you're not limited to what's local.

There are excellent clinics across the country and traveling for specialized care can sometimes make a big difference. Consider clinics that have a strong track record with third-party reproduction. Offer advanced technologies such as genetic testing for embryos. Provide comprehensive support, including counseling and patient education. Working with an agency. Unlike clinics, agencies don't rely on geographic location. Agencies like Family Inceptions,

works with families nationwide and handle much of the process remotely. They focus on matching, support and coordination, ensuring all parties feel confident and prepared. Timeline for each path. So how long does it take? Well, the timeline for third party reproduction really depends on the path you choose. Some options move faster while others take a bit more time because of things like matching, screenings and legal steps. Egg donation.

How long egg donation takes really depends on whether you're using fresh or frozen eggs. The fresh egg donation process usually takes a few months. This includes matching with the donor, completing their screenings, and planning the egg retrieval and transfer. Fresh cycles can take a bit longer since you'll need to work around the donor's schedule and coordinate the retrieval process. Frozen eggs, on the other hand, are already retrieved and ready to go. So you can skip a few steps and get to the transfer stage much faster.

Sperm donation. Sperm donation is usually the quickest option. Once you've chosen a donor and they're cleared, the rest is pretty straightforward. If you're using a frozen sperm bank, it's even faster since timing mostly depends on your cycle and whether you're using IUI or IVF. Embryo donation. The timing for embryo donation can vary quite a bit, especially if you're looking for specific characteristics in the donor.

Finding a match can take some time since not every family has embryos available to donate. And not every embryo will meet the criteria you're looking for. Once you do find a match, there's still the legal process and cycle preparation to factor in, which can add more time. Sometimes embryo donation can move faster, but it really depends on how quickly a match comes together. Surrogacy. Surrogacy usually takes the longest because there are so many steps involved.

The process includes matching with the surrogate, completing medical screenings, finalizing legal contracts, and coordinating everything between multiple parties. From the initial match to the embryo transfer, the entire journey can take anywhere from a year to two years. The exact timeline depends on the things like how quickly you can find a surrogate, the medical screenings, the legal steps, how many embryo transfer attempts are needed, and of course the pregnancy itself, age limitations.

Age is an important factor to consider, though your overall health often plays just as big a role in determining eligibility for third-party options. Many clinics have specific guidelines, particularly for intended mothers using egg or embryo donation. Many clinics stop working with parents around the age of 52 or a combined parental age of 120, but there are some exceptions in some cases.

Surrogacy tends to be more flexible with age limits, but each situation is still evaluated individually based on the unique health and circumstances of the parents. Financial understanding. Understanding the costs involved in third-party reproduction is a key part of building your family. This process often comes with significant expenses. So having a clear idea of the typical costs for each option and what might affect them

can help you plan ahead and feel more prepared. Egg donation. If you're thinking about egg donation, the cost can vary quite a bit, usually ranging from 20,000 to 40,000 or more. Here's what can affect the final cost. Fresh donor from an agency versus frozen donor from an egg bank. Fresh donors tend to cost more because of additional steps like medical screenings, egg retrieval, and legal contracts. However, with the fresh donation,

you receive all the eggs retrieved during the cycle, which is ideal if you're planning for multiple children with genetic link. Frozen eggs are typically less expensive since they're already been retrieved and stored, which skips the coordination and legal steps. They're a good option if you're looking for a simpler process or planning for just one child. Number of cohorts. The number of eggs or cohorts you purchase can also impact costs.

Some parents prefer to purchase more eggs upfront to improve fertilization chances and avoid needing additional cycles later on. There are some additional expenses to also consider. For fresh donations, there may be extra costs for donor compensation, medical screenings, retrieval fees, and travel if the donor isn't local. The expenses vary based on the donor's location and experience.

It's important to get a detailed breakdown from your agency or clinic to understand all the factors and make the best choice for your family building goals. Sperm donation. Sperm donation is usually one of the more affordable options with costs ranging from about 500 to $2,000 per vial. Keep in mind, there may be additional costs like storage fees, insemination procedures, or IVF if needed.

If you're working with a known donor, you might also have legal and medical screening fees to consider. Embryo donation. Embryo donation usually falls in the middle of the cost range and is often more affordable than egg donation or surrogacy. Most cases, embryos come from families who have completed their IVF journey. Costs typically range from 5,000 to 15,000 depending on whether the match is made through a clinic or an agency.

along with legal fees and medical preparation for the recipient. If you're looking for specific donor traits, the process might take longer and could add to the overall cost. Surrogacy. Surrogacy is generally the most expensive family building option because it involves many moving parts in multiple parties. Costs typically range from 125,000 to over 200,000 with expenses covering medical care, compensation, legal support,

in agency services. Here's a breakdown of the key costs to consider for surrogacy. Surrogates medical expenses. This includes medical screenings and embryo transfer procedures, which can add five to $10,000 depending on the clinic and protocols. Once pregnancy is achieved, additional costs cover prenatal care, labor, and delivery. Of course, there's the surrogates compensation. Surrogates are compensated for their time,

effort and dedication. Depending on location and experience, this can range from $40,000 to $80,000 or more. Legal fees. Drafting and finalizing contracts to protect everyone involved is essential. Legal fees generally range from $5,000 to $20,000 depending on the complexity of the arrangements. Agency fees. Agencies charge for matching parents with surrogates and coordinating the process.

These fees typically fall between 20,000 and 50,000 covering ongoing support throughout the journey. Medical and protective insurance. If the surrogate's health insurance doesn't cover surrogacy, you may need a surrogacy specific policy which can add significantly to the total. Life insurance for the surrogate is also a standard requirement for the duration of the pregnancy. Other related expenses.

Additional costs can arise such as compensation for bed rest, lost wages, or child care for the surrogate. These are typically covered to ensure the surrogate isn't financially impacted. It's also important to plan for unexpected costs like extra medical screenings, medications, or travel. Working with a transparent agency that provides a detailed cost breakdown can help you budget effectively and avoid surprises along the way. Does insurance cover any of these procedures?

Insurance coverage for third-party reproduction can be confusing, and it's often limited. Some plans might cover certain parts of the process, like fertility testing, IVF procedures or medications, but they rarely cover everything. Surrogacy can be especially tricky, as many surrogates' personal insurance plans don't include medical care for surrogacy pregnancy, meaning you may need to purchase a separate policy specifically for her care.

Depending on where you live, there might be some options to help. A few states have mandates requiring insurance companies to cover fertility treatments like IVF or fertility testing. It's a good idea to check with your provider to see what's covered, especially if you live in a state with these mandates. Take the time to go over your insurance plan and talk to your provider to understand what's included and what might require extra planning.

Many agencies and clinics are familiar with these details and can help guide you through the process. Getting a clear picture early on can help you better plan for the overall costs and give you more confidence as you move forward. Financing options. Financing options can help make the costs of the third-party reproduction more manageable. Many agencies and clinics work with lenders who specialize in fertility treatments, offering payment plans that can ease the financial burden for parents.

Taking time to explore these options early on and planning for any potential extra costs can help you feel more in control of the financial side of your family building journey and give you a clearer idea of what to expect. Legal aspects. Let's take a minute to talk about the legal side of the third party reproduction. I know this part might seem a little daunting, but having the right legal support is so important for making sure everything is handled smoothly and fairly.

Strong legal protections give you secure rights to your child while also outlining the roles and responsibilities of surrogates and donors so everyone is on the same page. Some agencies have in-house attorneys who can take care of the legal details while others work closely with attorneys who specialize in third-party reproduction. Either way, the goal is the same, to create a clear, detailed contract that lays out everybody's roles and expectations.

This way you can feel confident knowing that everything is in place to protect all parties as you move forward in your journey. Paternal rights. When it comes to paternal rights, things can vary depending on the state, especially with surrogacy. In many states, you can secure a pre-birth order, which legally recognizes you as the parents before the child is even born. For egg, sperm, and embryo donation, parental rights are clearly spelled out in the contracts

to ensure everyone's roles are understood and protected. Contracts. Contracts are a must in third-party family building. These agreements lay out everyone's roles, rights, and responsibilities, making sure there's clarity and setting expectations from the start. A well-crafted contract protects all parties, whether you're the parent, surrogate, or donor. Your agency's legal team will guide you through this process.

creating a legally binding agreement that covers everything from financial details to parental rights, so everyone feels secure throughout the journey. Surrogacy-friendly states. The good news is that many states are supportive of surrogacy and third-party reproduction, with laws that make the process smooth and secure. That said, some states are more restrictive. If you're navigating this across state lines,

Having an agency that understands the legal landscape is incredibly helpful. For a deeper dive into the specifics, you can check out the Surrogacy by State section on the Family Inceptions website, which breaks down surrogacy laws across the US. Next steps. With your clinic and agency in place, the next steps are about building your support system, planning ahead, and preparing emotionally for the journey ahead. Build your support system.

Surround yourself with a strong network of people who can support you throughout this process. This includes your medical team, agency coordinators, and trusted individuals like family, friends, or a counselor. Having people to lean on during both the exciting and challenging moments can make all the difference. Plan your timeline and budget. Work with your clinic and agency to create a clear plan that aligns with your goals.

This includes setting a realistic timeline and understanding the full scope of costs such as legal fees, medical expenses, and travel if required. Consider financing options or insurance coverage to help manage the financial side of things. Prepare emotionally. This journey can be incredibly rewarding, but also emotionally complex. Take time to reflect on what this process means to you, and don't hesitate to seek counseling

or join a support group for additional guidance. Preparing emotionally will help you stay grounded and resilient as you move forward. Before we close today, I want to remind you that it's completely normal to feel unsure or even a bit overwhelmed. The family building journey can feel like a lot to navigate, but you don't have to do it alone. That's exactly why we're here, to give you the information and support you need to make decisions that feel right for you.

One thing I want you to take away is that family building isn't one size fits all. What works for someone else might not feel right for you, and that's okay. This is about finding the path that aligns with your vision of what family means to you, whether it's surrogacy, egg donation, or another path. There's no wrong way to create your family as long as it's the one that feels true to you.

If you want to dive deeper into any of the options we talked about today, head over to our website at thefertilitycafe.com. You'll find helpful resources and guides to give you even more clarity and support. Your story matters. Your dreams of building a family are valid. No matter which path you take, family building looks different for everyone. And that's what makes each journey so meaningful.

Thank you for joining us at the Fertility Cafe. If you found value in today's episode, please subscribe, leave a review, and share with someone who might benefit from this information. You can find show notes and resources from this episode in the description or visit thefertilitycafe.com for more information.