Host Kimberly Rash dives into the often invisible weight carried by the caretakers, fixers, and oldest siblings who became responsible long before they should have had to. She shares how being praised as “strong” can quietly turn into a cage that keeps women from admitting they are tired, and why so many learn early that resting and receiving help feel like forms of weakness. Pulling from her own experience raising a large family without a built-in support system, Kimberly walks through the difference between true strength and the exhausting performance of doing it all alone. She talks through love languages, boundaries, and the practice of letting other people bless you without guilt. This episode closes with a gentle challenge to find one thing you can put down this week, one thing you can delegate, and one thing you can finally stop carrying by yourself.

Faith and Spiritual Growth

• Learning to receive blessings without guilt or resistance
• What scripture says about rest and Sabbath for the overextended woman

Healing Modalities and Tools

• Using love languages as a healing and communication tool in relationships
• Therapy, somatic release, and other tools for letting go of chronic overgiving

Identity and Self-Worth

• Unlearning the belief that worth is earned through how much you carry
• Breaking free from the superwoman identity without losing your strength

Relationships and Community

• Building a safe support circle so no one has to carry everything alone
• Setting boundaries with extended family without guilt

Emotional and Physical Health

• invisible load mental load
• boundaries without guilt
• oldest daughter syndrome
• superwoman complex
• faith based self care
• receiving help gracefully
• rest is not selfish
• love languages in relationships
• women's mental health podcast
• healing from overgiving
• setting boundaries with family
• self-worth beyond productivity
• Christian women's podcast
• refilling your own cup
• support system for moms

Key Takeaways

• Many women did not choose the caregiver role, they grew into it or were placed into it as children, becoming the oldest sibling or the one who anticipated everyone's needs.
• Being called “strong” can quietly become a cage. When everyone sees you as strong, no one asks if you are tired or notices when you are struggling.
• Needing support is not a weakness. Learning to receive help, gifts, and kindness without guilt is part of breaking the cycle of overgiving.
• Knowing your own love language, and the love language of those around you, helps you recognize and appreciate the ways people actually try to care for you.
• Strength is not carrying everything alone. Strength is asking for help, setting boundaries, admitting you are tired, and recognizing that your needs matter too.
• The healthiest caregivers are the ones who learn to refill their own cup so they can show up from wholeness instead of depletion.

Memorable Quotes

• “You were never meant to carry it all. Strength isn’t carrying everything alone. Strength is knowing when to ask for help.”
• “Somewhere along the way, many women learn that resting was selfish.”
• “Stop blocking people’s blessing.”
• “We’re not machines. You’re a human being, you’re a human doing, and you need care.”

Themes Explored

• How caregiving identity forms early in life and follows women into adulthood
• The difference between true strength and the exhausting performance of being unbreakable
• Recognizing the physical toll of chronic caregiving and burnout
• Simple weekly rituals for refilling your own cup

Motherhood and Healing

• Raising kids who do not see overworking as a flex
• How the oldest daughter role shapes mothering decades later

Kimberly Rash: and I really wanted to talk about the weight of having to be everything for everyone. you're the person that everyone calls when there's a problem, the one who remembers the birthdays, makes the appointments, checks on the family, keeps the peace, pays the bills, solves the crisises, and sometimes still you're able to get dinner on the table.

Kimberly Rash: Maybe you're a mom, maybe you're a grandma, maybe you're a wife, maybe a manager, a teacher, a caregiver. Maybe you were the oldest sibling, or maybe you were another sibling who had to act like the oldest sibling at a young age, and when something needed to be done, it probably fell on you. If that's you, this episode is for you.

Kimberly Rash: Sometimes when we take on that role, no one ever asks, "What do you need?" Right?

Kimberly Rash: I've had friends that have just had to pour so much of their life into just maintaining their family. And not just their immediate family, their extended family. as grownups, their siblings, rescuing them, their parents, I don't know, whoever, friends, friend of a friend, doesn't even matter.

Kimberly Rash: But many women didn't choose the caregiver role. They grew into it, or more accurately, they were placed into it. Some of us became caregivers when we became moms, some through our professions, and some became caregivers as children. The oldest daughter, the oldest sister, the one who made sure everyone got out the door for school.

Kimberly Rash: the truth is it's an invisible load that you end up carrying. It's not just physical, it's emotional, it's mental, it's spiritual. It's carrying the family calendar in your head or remembering what everyone is going through, being the safe place for everyone's emotions, making sure things don't fall apart.

Kimberly Rash: And many women aren't just carrying their own lives, they're carrying pieces of everyone else's lives too. And eventually that gets heavy. You're collecting so much energy from everyone around you, it's literally just weighing you down and you're becoming a heavy magnet of not good things And it's funny because I feel like some of us were put in these roles and we took on this identity as we're strong.

Kimberly Rash: I think some of us become strong women because of what we walk through in our lives. And sometimes we realize when other people aren't coming to rescue us or save us or help us, you gotta do it yourself. So you preserve yourself and you become stronger and stronger, more independent, and some people think that's great, and other people do not But you know what?

Kimberly Rash: We get stuck in this thing, people always saying, "You're so strong." And while they mean it as a compliment, sometimes it becomes a cage. Because when everyone else sees you as strong, no one asks if you're tired. No one notices when you're struggling. Nobody thinks you need help. And it's hard to even accept it when they do offer it.

Kimberly Rash: It's trickery is what it is. I think it was really interesting that the generation that's coming up of women, 'cause a lot of women, I would say in their late 30s forward to more my age, are more independent. We are stronger. We are... But it's a different kind of strong, right? This is this superwoman, like wearing ourselves out, making ourselves physically sick

Kimberly Rash: And the younger generation is just like, "Why do you think it's a flex?" one of my stepdaughters said that to me. "Why does everyone think it's a flex because you work so hard? Or you think it's a flex because you work two jobs and you can do this, and that. but you're mentally exhausted.

Kimberly Rash: Their bodies are breaking. They don't know how to stop. They don't know how to stop. Like, when you stop, you're lazy. When you stop You're selfish. When you stop, there's other things that still need to be done. What are you doing? What are you doing? I've learned, thank goodness, to take time out for myself.

Kimberly Rash: But honestly, I didn't have that ability. I didn't have a support system, in my mothering years and stuff. So there were no opportunities really to take time out to go get a massage, or anything like that. And honestly, I didn't really have the funds for that kind of stuff.

Kimberly Rash: I get my things. I pour time and money into myself because it makes me feel good. I said my husband and I always argue 'cause I always tell him to get a haircut, right? And you'll probably hear me say this a couple of times in this podcast 'cause it's like my one thing. I love a nice haircut. and he looks so handsome when his hair is, like, all nice and cleaned up and handsome-looking.

Kimberly Rash: And I like to do the things I like to do, and I work hard enough to be able to pay for those things because I want them. going back to taking a flex, like she was right. And it's funny because I am proud of the generation coming up that they do take more time for their mental health. Do I agree with all the things?

Kimberly Rash: No, absolutely not. I don't think everything's a tragedy. I don't think everyone should be so easily offended. I don't think everything is an offense. I'm just not of that mindset. But I am really, happy and proud when they sit there and say, "I can't do that I mentally just need to take a time out."

Kimberly Rash: listen, there's no shame in being a strong woman. You can be strong. You just have to take time for yourself. You can be strong. You just have to remember that you can allow people to help you. You can be strong and be who you are and just know that it's okay to ask for help, and I think there's a difference.

Kimberly Rash: most people who are the strong superwoman of their family are like, "Nope, I got it. Nope, I got it. Nope, I got it." And then everyone else will say, "Yeah, go to her. She's got it. Yeah, go to her. She's got it." And then you sit there and be like, "Why is everyone always coming to me?" because you made yourself that person.

Kimberly Rash: I, I made that self my person. I look at some of my siblings and go, "Yep," like really of them had to offer up anything to help anybody really. and honestly, neither did I. I don't know why I did. I just saw needs, and I felt I had to fill them. that is part of just who I am by nature. It's part of my personality, and I have to just embrace that.

Kimberly Rash: At some point, you have to ask ourselves, who taught me that my worth comes from how much I carry? Who taught me that I have to earn love through sacrifice? Who taught me that everyone else's needs come before my own? Because somewhere along the way, many women learn that resting was selfish But just that, just thinking about that when I say that, like it just, it hits home.

Kimberly Rash: Like resting for me was literally idle hands at the devil's playground. I don't know, I just felt like I was being useless And there's so much to always be done, right? But it wasn't selfish, and now I do it. I I love it. It's so nice Saying no is not selfish, and that receiving was selfish, right?

Kimberly Rash: I don't know where I learned that. I don't know where I heard that, but I remember somewhere along the line I heard someone talking about someone kept trying to bless somebody, and they were like, "Here. Here's this, here's that," and the person would be like, "No, no, no, no, no." And this person, I think it was monetary, honestly.

Kimberly Rash: I think someone kept trying to give somebody money, and they... It was just laid on their heart, God spoke to their heart and said, "Listen," "Help this person out. This is what you need to do." And the person to receive the money kept saying, "No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. I don't want it." And finally, the person who was giving the money just looked at them and said, "Listen, I need you to stop blocking my blessing.

Kimberly Rash: I'm trying to bless you. Let me bless you." I know it's just eggs but blessings come in many shapes and sizes, right? It, and I had to let people help me and then I could help other people and know what [00:12:00] that felt like when other people were trying to help me and I was like, "No, no, no, no." Now I'm like, "Here, help.

Kimberly Rash: Let me help you." And they're like, "No, no, no." I'm like, "Stop taking my blessing." "Just let me bless you. It makes me happy " we're not machines. You're not an endless resource. You're n- you're a human being, you're human doing, and you need care. You need to be loved. You need someone to be gentle.

Kimberly Rash: You and you know what? We're gonna go flying down the love languages at some point because I really do think a lot of these things that we do and the people that we become are most often because we're lacking our love language. Someone doesn't understand how we receive or how we give, right? And they're not the same most often.

Kimberly Rash: 'Cause someone could talk to me till I'm blue in the face, but if they do an act of service, like my husband and he builds me my little farm cart, that's like him writing me a poem about how wonderful I am, right? it's just that's his love language. His love language is acts of service, And it's wonderful.

Kimberly Rash: It's a great, love language to have.

Kimberly Rash: Go get the massage. Go get the mani-pedi. Go get the scalp massage. Ah. I like one of those head massages. That's one of my like, I cannot wait. I want one so bad. I hold a lot of tension in my neck and my shoulders and my head, and I would love one of those little scalp massage things.

Kimberly Rash: Whatever it is that's gonna pour into you, you need to start taking those times, and you need to start doing that because being the caretaker is hard. And I've watched that hat on many people.

Kimberly Rash: So just know you were never meant to carry it all. Strength isn't carrying everything alone. Strength is knowing when to ask for help. Strength is setting boundaries, and I encourage you to set boundaries with people in your life without guilt. Strength is admitting you're tired. Strength is recognizing that your needs matter, too.

Kimberly Rash: The healthiest caregivers are not the ones who give until they have nothing left. They're the ones who learn to refill their own cup so that they can continue showing up from a place of wholeness instead of depletion, right? Have you ever heard of that you can't pour from an empty cup? 'cause you can't.

Kimberly Rash: Get alone. Spend time with yourself, all ye caregivers. I'm not saying stop being the caregiver because that innately is the role that we are in, a lot of us, and it's okay. It's not a shameful thing to be the caregiver or the superwoman, but it is sad that you don't take time for yourself. You should.

Kimberly Rash: You most definitely should, and you need to. You need to do it to stay healthy no one should have to be so overwhelmed by their life and then taking care of other people's lives that we're running and going and hiding in the shower and crying alone to ourselves because we can't break down in front of other people because God forbid you look weak.

Kimberly Rash: sometimes when you're carrying it all and you're doing it all, people think you're callous, because you learn to separate emotions from, from the caregiving, and you actually just do all the jobs and do the things. And people forget. They think you're like a robot, and they forget that you're a real human being with real human emotions, and they say things to you that are hurtful.

Kimberly Rash: And because you're always the person who has to set the rules, set the boundaries, tell the yeses, say the nos, do the things, you're most often gonna be called the witch with a B. they don't like your tone, and they don't like your delivery, and they don't like your things. And you know what?

Kimberly Rash: you're strict, but you need to be rigid and you need to be consistent so everyone performs well. That is just the job

Kimberly Rash: But you know what? It's a lot easier to point out all the things about a superwoman, from the people who you're superwomaning, And they'll be like, "Oh, she's this, she's that, she's whatever." But guess what? They could not walk a mile. They couldn't even walk a half a mile in your shoes.

Kimberly Rash: Because if they could, you wouldn't be caretaking all the things, right? If other people could do it, then you wouldn't be doing it. And a lot of people have a lot to say about how you're doing it, why you're doing it, what you're doing, how you're doing. But you know what? If they could do it better, they'd be doing it themselves and they most often couldn't, they didn't, and they wouldn't So their opinion is none of your business

Kimberly Rash: What things did you have to take on financially or physically caretaking or any of the things yourself?

Kimberly Rash: Because someone else couldn't do it and you knew the repercussions trickled down the line if somebody didn't step up and do something. Whatever those were, you can let go of those now. You can let go of that. It was never yours to carry. And what support have you been refusing because you're so used to doing everything yourself?

Kimberly Rash: So start to learn to take the help. Stop blocking people's blessings. If people wanna pour in on you, they wanna love in on you, they wanna assist you, they wanna come alongside you, they wanna lift you up, they wanna make you feel good, they wanna do the things, whatever those are, let them. And let them do it without guilt

Kimberly Rash: Ask for the help People first of all would be like, "Is she sick? Is she coming down with something? What's wrong with her?" But it's okay. I want you to do it. I want you to just pour into yourself And say, "All right, you know what? I do need the assistance. I do need the help." What I really would like to do, especially for anyone who's local to our area, I do wanna start a Rooted to Rise, support group or group probably on Facebook, kinda there's some great ones out there, Scrunchie Moms and, Banned Moms or Blocked Moms.

Kimberly Rash: you guys, because it would be a private and a safe group, could say, "Hey, I'm just overwhelmed. Could someone come over and help me, just get through this laundry? Could somebody come over and help me, mow my lawn?" And I'm not saying have people do stuff for you, because you're too lazy to do it yourself.

Kimberly Rash: That's not what I'm saying. But if you are truly overwhelmed and you truly need people to help you, what better way to pour into other people, into each other, than having a safe place that we can say, "Hey, I need help with this," and let's all connect. Let's help each other. Let's grow together. Let's get it done.

Kimberly Rash: Let's take a load off of someone. I think that would be great. So expect that to start coming at some point. I wanted to do a Rooted to Rise women's safe space anyway, so everyone could kinda just talk And share businesses, whatever it is. We talk about these different modalities of healing.

Kimberly Rash: Listen to me. You are allowed to rest. You are allowed to receive. You're allowed to have needs, and you don't have to earn your worth by carrying the weight of the world. This week, find one thing you can put down, one thing you can delegate, and one thing you can stop carrying alone

Kimberly Rash: Release anything that no longer serves you

Kimberly Rash: And then rise into the better, more rounded, more rested, more

Kimberly Rash: appreciated by both yourself and others version of you. Thank you so much for being with me today. I hope you guys have a great week, and I will see you in the next episode