What happens when your child wants to join the school band, but your ex refuses to drive them to practice? What if you agree on everything… except which school they should attend? In this episode, I share the real stories behind school-year custody battles—and the one question that changes everything: Do you have a court order, or don’t you? If you’re co-parenting through the school year, this is the conversation you didn’t know you needed because your child’s stability might depend on what you do next.

The difference between what happens during the school year when you have a custody order and when you don't, and can you just go and unilaterally change your child's school. So if you've ever thought about these questions about what would happen during custody or a separation during school, this podcast may answer those questions for you.

So listen in.

Jonathan Breeden: Hello and welcome to another edition of The Best of Johnston County Podcast. I'm your host, Jonathan Breeden, and on today's episode, we're having a special edition episode that we call Ask Jonathan Breeden Anything.

Normally I, Jonathan Breeden interview, interesting community leaders elected officials, small business owners in the Johnston County area about what they love about Johnston County and what brought them here and the businesses they provide. But every once in a while we do these special edition episodes called Ask Jonathan Breeden Anything where I, Jonathan Breeden answer questions from our social media coordinator, Raena Burch, about different things that relates to family law.

And that's what we do here at the Breeden Law Office. We practice family law. Today's episode is gonna be about custody in the school year and how custody may change during the school year, and different things you can do to make the school year go better for you, your child, and your former partner if you're in a custody situation.

Ready to go, Raena?

Jonathan Breeden: Okay. I'm ready.

Raena Burch: All right. First question. How should parents handle custody arrangements for an upcoming school year or the new school year, how does, how does that change things?

Jonathan Breeden: Well, it all starts as we often answer these question is. Do you have a court order signed by a judge or not?

Raena Burch: Yeah.

Jonathan Breeden: If you have a court order signed by a judge, then the court order is going to almost certainly address visitation during the school year and visitation in the summer. So you would go to the court order and whatever it says you have, you have, and you have to do what the judge ordered. You know, oftentimes, nowadays it's 50 50 and it could be week on, week off, or, or.

2, 2, 3. Monday, Tuesday, mom, Wednesday, Thursday, dad, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, mom. Monday. Tuesday. Dad, you know, the sort of rotating,

Raena Burch: Yeah.

Jonathan Breeden: 2, 2, 3, schedule. There's week on, week off. I mean,

Raena Burch: for older kids there's 2, 2, 5,

Raena Burch: Mm-hmm.

Jonathan Breeden: For the different parents. So the weekend attaches to the weekday, so it would be in week one, Monday and Tuesday. Mom. Wednesday and Thursday, dad, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday of week two, mom.

Raena Burch: Mm-hmm.

Jonathan Breeden: Those five in a row.

Raena Burch: Yep.

Jonathan Breeden: And then dad would get five Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday.

Raena Burch: Mm-hmm.

Jonathan Breeden: Uh, As the weekdays attached to the weekends. And so you end up in a, so what we call 2, 2, 5, 5 scenario. And then there's, there's 2, 2, 3, where you're constantly rotating every, and that's for smaller children.

Raena Burch: Yeah.

Jonathan Breeden: And then for. Older children. I think we can Only golf is better.

Raena Burch: Yeah.

Jonathan Breeden: They can go longer without seeing the other parent I mean, judges, and

Raena Burch: it's just a, it's just a lot less back and forth for the kids.

Jonathan Breeden: Right, right.

Raena Burch: Yeah.

Jonathan Breeden: So, but if it's not some sort of shared custody like that

Raena Burch: mm-hmm

Raena Burch: Mm-hmm.

Jonathan Breeden: Traditional summers are anywhere from 10 to 12 weeks, so you're gonna get five to six weeks of time in a traditional school calendar, summer with the child. And of course there's the. if the parents are not living near each other, then the non-custodial parent would get six or seven or eight of those 10 or 11 weeks

Raena Burch: mm-hmm

Jonathan Breeden: in the summer.

Raena Burch: Yeah.

Jonathan Breeden: So you're gonna do what the court order says, whatever the court order says about what the visitation will be during the school year. Is what you're gonna follow. If you don't have a court order, then you know it's got back to what you and the other parent can agree to.

Raena Burch: Yeah.

Because, because a routine is important for all children.

Raena Burch: Yes.

Jonathan Breeden: Your routine's important for their parents as well, and the parent and the child, and also the school. Which bus are they riding? Are they riding a bus? Are they being picked up? Are they being dropped off? All of that. The school needs to know as well

Raena Burch: Yes.

Jonathan Breeden: How it's gonna be, whether it's by court order or by verbal agreement so that they know what to expect so they can serve the child.

Raena Burch: Exactly. And you know, like you said, they probably before, preferably before the school year starts, address drop offs, pickups parent teacher conferences, volunteering for.

For field trips, you know, are you gonna, are you gonna take turns? Is one person gonna do, is the other per, like, how does that, like, try to address those things before the school year starts so that when things come up, you already have a plan or an agreement or, you know, something we've talked about.

Jonathan Breeden: Right. If you're, if you're, if you're able to communicate, which we hope you can,

Raena Burch: yes

Raena Burch: Yes.

Jonathan Breeden: And communicating proactively, positively. From a neutral position, not from an attacking position.

Raena Burch: Yes.

Jonathan Breeden: Not, you know, assume that the other side wants what's best for the child. Just like you want what's best for the child, and communicate appropriately that way.

Raena Burch: Absolutely. All right, next question.

So what happens if one parent wants to change the child's school or educational setting?

Jonathan Breeden: Okay, again, there's two answers. Is there a court order signed by a judge and is there not a court order signed by a judge? If it's a court order signed by a judge, then you're almost certainly gonna have joint legal custody.

You see joint legal custody in probably 95% of all cases where each side gets an equal say in where the child is going to school and how the child's gonna be schooled, whether it should be homeschooled. Public school. Private school.

Raena Burch: Yeah.

Raena Burch: Mm-hmm.

Jonathan Breeden: If one parent wants to change that and there's a court order and the other parent doesn't agree, then they've gotta go to court and file a motion to modify the custody order or to get the court to declare that the child can then move schools.

And that this move to whatever school they wanna move it to is in the best interest of the child.

Raena Burch: Mm-hmm.

Jonathan Breeden: If they try to do that without asking if there is a court order, or even if there is not you know, you can, the other side can go and file for. A restraining order if they find out about it to where they could file and ask for the court to enter a restraining order, keeping the parent from removing the child from the child's school until the court can make a determination.

Raena Burch: Oh, wow.

Jonathan Breeden: Here in my office of the Breeden Law Office in a case where the parties have recently separated, the mother has moved to Raleigh and is trying to take the kid out of Riverwood Elementary School and take the kid to some school in Raleigh. There is no custody agreement. They have just broken up in the last three weeks.

And we're gonna seek a restraining order to keep the kid at Riverwood until the court can make a custody determination

Raena Burch: Yeah,

Jonathan Breeden: and determine where the child should go to school. So if you don't have a custody order, as in the case we're talking about, the other case, you can file for a custody order immediately can file for a complaint, get a lawyer, and try to get a restraining order that way, if not.

It's gonna be up to whether the school actually, who the school listens. If there's not a court order and it doesn't say who has custody. The question is, does the school listen to mom or does the school listen to dad if the parents don't agree? Yeah. And you know, in that scenario, you need to get an attorney and you need to get a court order quickly

Raena Burch: yeah

Raena Burch: Mm-hmm.

Jonathan Breeden: We do do a fair number of hearings every July and August on where is the child gonna go to school?

Raena Burch: I bet.

Jonathan Breeden: And often that involves the parents having moved from the original order.

Raena Burch: Mm.

Jonathan Breeden: Or a, the child is in private school and now one parent has decided they can't afford it.

Raena Burch: Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Jonathan Breeden: And they want to see the child go to public school, and then the other parent really wants to keep the kid in private school and see. And so we go and have that hearing with the judge. We had a hearing this past August of 24 and the choice was between whether the child was gonna be homeschooled or the child was gonna go to a charter school.

And the parents had different opinions on that, so

Raena Burch: yeah

Jonathan Breeden: so, but courts do make those decisions when the parents cannot agree on where the kids go to school. But I would say you can't just go unilaterally if the other parent is involved. If they're visiting and they're involved, you know where they are.

Raena Burch: Mm-hmm.

Raena Burch: Yes. And for, you know, listeners listening or people watching when you say, you know, go immediately and go get this restraining order, get a temporary custody, just they should know that it's temporary for the time being until.

If you are newly separated,

Jonathan Breeden: right? Well

Raena Burch: then you go get a permanent one,

Jonathan Breeden: right? Well, right. If, if you ha if you end up getting a restraining order or, you know, sometimes we have to be in emergency custody 'cause the child's in danger. The child's been taken outta state

Raena Burch: Yeah

Jonathan Breeden: somewhere else. It's only good for 10 days.

So there's going to be a return hearing and the, and the court is going to address it fairly quickly.

Raena Burch: Yes.

Jonathan Breeden: But you know, the court is gonna need to address it because. You know, in this situation, mom was at the school yesterday trying to remove the children.

Raena Burch: Mm-hmm.

Jonathan Breeden: So we need to try to get an order today

Raena Burch: Now. Yeah

Jonathan Breeden: to stop that.

Raena Burch: Yep.

Jonathan Breeden: And then there would be a return hearing within two weeks, and then everybody could have their say.

Raena Burch: Yep.

Raena Burch: Yeah.

Jonathan Breeden: And the court will decide where the child's gonna go to school next year. Sometime over the summer, that is probably what's gonna happen. You never know.

Raena Burch: You never know.

Jonathan Breeden: But, but I mean, there are things you can do to try to stop the kid from, from being removed

Raena Burch: Yes

Jonathan Breeden: from school.

Raena Burch: Yep. All right, next question.

So how can parents modify their, 'cause? We kind of touched on this already, but how else can parents modify their agreement to reflect the school year? You know, do they again, like if they don't have an order, they communicate with each other. Judge, can they do a consent order instead of going to a judge?

Like how does that work?

Jonathan Breeden: Right, if you have a court order signed by a judge, you file that court order until it is modified and you get a new court order. If you do not have a court order signed by a judge, then it really comes back to the same thing, communicating with the other parent, seeing if y'all can get on the same page about where the child's gonna go to school.

Do the work schedules of both parents allow them to get to and from school? Is there bus service? Charter schools don't offer lunch. How, you know, are they gonna be able to afford? Lunch for the child, what kinda lunches is that gonna be? Yeah. Is somebody gonna send lunch for the child? Who's gonna pick the child up if the child sick? Depending on whose day it is.

Raena Burch: Mm-hmm.

Jonathan Breeden: I mean, all of these things have to be worked out among the parents. If you don't have a court order, if you have a court order, all of this stuff's usually addressed in the court order.

Raena Burch: Hopefully. Hopefully.

Jonathan Breeden: But you don't. Right. But if you don't have a court order. Once again, this is all about communication and seeing what y'all can agree to or not agree to.

Raena Burch: Yes.

Jonathan Breeden: And, and ultimately do what's, what's best for the child.

Jonathan Breeden: Right.

Raena Burch: And then we can start adding in more. But for now, we need a month to just figure everything out first and then add in.

Jonathan Breeden: Right. Well, the other thing that happens is, you know, a lot of these school change things we, we were talking about earlier. S nobody's left in the school district.

Raena Burch: Mm-hmm.

Jonathan Breeden: Right. And now of all these cap schools and Johnston Harney and Wake counties, you can't just stay when everybody has moved out of that district.

Raena Burch: Mm-hmm.

Raena Burch: Mm-hmm.

Jonathan Breeden: If it's 50 50, that's a different game because then it's what, which rest are we gonna use?

Raena Burch: Yep.

Jonathan Breeden: But it, it is not uncommon today with school districts changing and all that for both parties to not live in the school district anymore. And then there has to be a decision made on where the child is gonna go to school.

Raena Burch: Yeah.

Jonathan Breeden: And you know, and if the primary parent needs the bus and the bus only goes to their district at school, even if you go to court, they're probably gonna go with that primary parent's address over the secondary parent's address because that primary parent's gonna need that bus more than the secondary.

The secondary parent at under this area is not even the district, any district anyway. And so they're not gonna be able to use the bus to start with.

So after school, sports clubs, stuff like that. Without consulting the other parent.

Jonathan Breeden: Again, do you have a court order signed by a judge or not? Yeah. If you have a court order signed by a judge, it will address extracurricular activities and stuff like that. As a general rule, if you do not have a court order signed by a judge, you can do the extracurricular activities and even sometimes if you have a court order signed by a judge but it cannot infringe on the other parents' custodial time.

So if you have a court order or signed by judge and this activity is on Tuesday afternoons and you have every Tuesday afternoon. Most of the time the other parent's not gonna be able to object to it, but in all of these joint situations, no activity is just gonna be on one parent's time.

Raena Burch: Mm-hmm

Jonathan Breeden: to bring the child to that activity on there every other weekend. If that parent chooses to do it, fine, but

Raena Burch: they don't have to

Because in a joint custody situation, if you don't have that in the order and the parties don't agree, then the child can do no activities because or they can only do half of an activity. Yeah. You know, I've, we've got one, we've, we've got a week on, week off case right now where the child is in karate, juujitsu, and one parent just refuses to take the child to karate, jiujitsu, or whatever it is.

And so the parent, the child only goes every other week, and that child can only go to competitions on the weekends with the parent. Who's taking him because the other parent is refusing to participate and it, and refusing to pay for it. Even though there's a court order, that's another issue. But, but, so there is that.

And so you, you have to think about is the other parent gonna participate? How is that gonna affect the child? How's that gonna affect the child's relationship with the other parent? Why is the other parent choosing not to participate?

Raena Burch: Yeah.

When you sign up

Raena Burch: Yes

Jonathan Breeden: or you go to the draft.

Raena Burch: Mm-hmm.

Jonathan Breeden: You know, you know, they wanna make the team's evil. They have drafts. I think you have to disclose to everybody there with the organization, Hey, look, he's, he or she is only gonna be at half the practices or half the games. If the other side is not willing to participate, you should consider that.

And whether you draft the child or whatever.

Raena Burch: Yeah.

Jonathan Breeden: And that is truly unfortunate. I think kids get a ton really of education, playing sports and doing extracurricular activities and be involved with other kids and, and all of that. But, you know, each parent's got their own thing. And, you know, these, these sports now have gotten to be crazy expensive and the parents' financial situations might, might not be the same.

Raena Burch: Yep.

Raena Burch: Yeah.

Jonathan Breeden: Because that's gonna affect their playing time, the ability to grow. And so you have to weigh all of these things. If you have a parent who's just not going to cooperate at all.

Raena Burch: Mm-hmm.

Jonathan Breeden: You know, and if you have an order that does not address extracurriculars and one parent is refusing all extracurriculars, you can file a motion to modify, go to court and get the court to enter an order that says each child gets one extracurricular per season that they get to participate in.

And it does have to be travel. I'm just talking about regular gymnastics.

Raena Burch: Yeah.

Jonathan Breeden: Regular dance, regular karate, you know, travel's a whole nother thing. You will not see coaches, you will not see judges order parents to pay for travel sports and travel sports travel

Raena Burch: Mm-hmm

Jonathan Breeden: if they're not willing to just agree.

Raena Burch: Yes. But Rec league,

Jonathan Breeden: rec league different, they're, they're all about rec leagues and

Jonathan Breeden: Right.

Raena Burch: And still go to the rec, you know?

Jonathan Breeden: Right.

Raena Burch: They, those coaches and whatnot.

Jonathan Breeden: Right, right. And,

Raena Burch: and they understand.

Jonathan Breeden: Right. And regular gymnastics, one night a week for $150 a month.

You know, that's fine.

Raena Burch: Yeah.

Jonathan Breeden: Regular dance, not Not competitive dance. Not not competitive dance where you go to Myrtle Beach. Not competitive cheer. I'm talking about just, yes, regular rec level of this sports, regular dancing, that kind of stuff. Judges are all about, but they are not going to order a non-custodial parent or even a joint parent.

Who does not wanna pay for travel sports and the travel cost of travel sports.

Raena Burch: Mm-hmm.

Jonathan Breeden: To pay for that.

Raena Burch: Yes.

Jonathan Breeden: They're only gonna do that if the parties agree. So if you wanna do it and the other side doesn't wanna agree, then you need to be willing to pay for all of it.

Raena Burch: Mm-hmm.

Jonathan Breeden: And that may include paying for the other parents' hotel room.

For competitions that take place during that other parent's custodial weekend.

Raena Burch: Yeah,

Have family law questions? Need guidance to navigate legal challenges? The compassionate team at Breeden Law Office is here to help. Visit us at www. breedenfirm. com for practical advice, resources, or to book a consultation. Remember, when life gets messy, you don't have to face it alone.

Raena Burch: Now what about school sponsored sports? 'cause like we're talking about, you know, rec league, travel ball, this is all outside of school. What about football or school? School soccer or school cheerleading? How does that factor in?

Jonathan Breeden: You know, those sports are affordable and often, you know, they're not completely free, but they don't cost a ton of money.

Yeah.

Raena Burch: You usually pay for or something.

Raena Burch: Mm-hmm.

Jonathan Breeden: So again, that child is gonna miss half the football games, half the basketball games. And if that's the scenario, then they're probably not gonna be able to be on that team.

Raena Burch: Yeah.

Jonathan Breeden: So again, you have, we, you know, I got tons of stories, right?

Raena Burch: Yeah.

Jonathan Breeden: I had one. This past year with the band, the band has band camp in August.

It's like a week or two, and it's like eight to five and it's really hot, but that's how they learn their music and the basic steps of whatever band show they're gonna put on.

Raena Burch: Mm-hmm.

Jonathan Breeden: Well, I had a case where the parent would not bring the child to band camp. Well, if the child doesn't come to band camp, then the child is behind.

In the high school band.

Raena Burch: Mm-hmm.

Jonathan Breeden: And that's unfortunate

Raena Burch: it is

Jonathan Breeden: because that child really enjoyed high school band, but there was nothing he nor the custodial parent could do to convince the non-custodial parent to participate in the band at all.

Raena Burch: Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Jonathan Breeden: And so that child didn't get to be in the band.

And that's, and that's a consequence of, of people breaking up and separation and divorce and, and that's truly unfortunate, but there wasn't anything I could do about it, I was not gonna be go get a judge to order this noncustodial parent to bring the child to this area. They lived an hour away five days in a row for band camp.

Raena Burch: Yeah.

Raena Burch: That's, that's unfortunate. And, and you know, like you said, these, These particular extracurriculars might not cost as much, but they certainly almost always require much more of a time commitment than anything. You're practicing pretty much every day after school, or like you said, you're going to a certain camp in the summer. And it's pretty much mandatory a lot of the times when they do that kind of thing.

Jonathan Breeden: But what I would say is. If you know you're gonna have a problem, you know you're gonna have a problem before you get to it. So before you commit to it, maybe you know, in this case, they met with the band director. The band director was willing to work with this child because he understood and wanted the child to be in the band.

These coaches are, they love kids. They're human beings. They're parents. And a lot of times they may be willing to allow the child to be on the team or be in the band. They may not have the same role, but they would be willing to let 'em be a manager. Mm-hmm. You know, stuff like that.

So that they could participate when they are available.

Raena Burch: Exactly. And you know. I think you would probably agree when I say this, but when you, 'cause you said communicate proactively, right? Try to talk it out before you reach this point. You know where it's last minute, you're trying to figure everything out.

Everybody's stressed, nobody's, you know that emotions are high. Maybe do it earlier on when everybody's not as stressed and you can plan and all these things ahead of time. And if you do come to an agreement with the other parent. Get it in writing.

Jonathan Breeden: Yeah. It would be nice to, if you could get it in writing.

Raena Burch: You get it in writing.

Raena Burch: Yeah.

Jonathan Breeden: You know, why did you change your mind?

Raena Burch: Well, you can always get a consent order without having to go to court.

Jonathan Breeden: Right. Well that's true. If you already have a court order, you wanna modify your court order, you can modify court order by consent at any time.

Raena Burch: Yep.

Jonathan Breeden: By filing a motion to getting an order entered.

Raena Burch: Yes. All right, last one. One of my co parent and I disagree about the school schedule or school related decisions. We've kind of already touched on this, but just one more time for the listeners.

Jonathan Breeden: Okay. Alright. So if you disagree on the school's schedule. And you don't have a court order. Well, if you have a court order, then you just follow the court order.

Raena Burch: Yes.

Jonathan Breeden: Okay. Same thing I said every answer.

Raena Burch: Yes.

Jonathan Breeden: And the majority of the people out there do not have a court order.

Raena Burch: Yeah, that's true. That's true.

Jonathan Breeden: So

Raena Burch: that's true.

Jonathan Breeden: So that's why we give two different answers, right?

Raena Burch: Yes.

Jonathan Breeden: But the vast majority of people. Do not have custody orders with the other parent. The vast majority of people have verbal agreements or handwritten contracts or whatever.

Raena Burch: Yeah.

And if you don't like where the child's gonna school, you don't like that school schedule. You can file a motion to ask the court to give you permission to change the child to a different school.

Raena Burch: Yes.

Jonathan Breeden: As far as that's concerned. What was the second part? School schedule or school?

Raena Burch: School. School related decisions.

Jonathan Breeden: School related decisions. Okay. If you don't have a court order, then you're presumed to have joint legal custody under the law. If you do have a court order, there's a 95% chance you have joint legal custody. So it is very rare that people have a court order and it's sole legal custody. So if you have joint legal custody, whether you have a court order or not, you have joint legal custody.

The court order says you have joint legal custody or you don't have a court order, which means by default, if you're on the birth certificate, you do have joint legal custody. If you're not on the birth certificate, you need to get on the birth certificate, give Bredeen Law a call. We can help you do that.

You could keep joint legal, but every time you disagree, you would have to go to court and have the judge decide which way it's going to be in a joint legal situation.

Now the court can. If there's a lot, and it's a high conflict case.

Raena Burch: Yeah.

Jonathan Breeden: The court can appoint a parenting coordinator and the parenting coordinator, which is often another lawyer who's trained in this.

Raena Burch: Mm-hmm.

Jonathan Breeden: And also sometimes psychologists and stuff like that,

Raena Burch: let's say. Yeah. Sometimes.

Jonathan Breeden: Yeah. Right. To make these decisions for the parents on behalf of the court, the court doesn't have time to make all the decisions these parents disagree on.

Raena Burch: Yeah, they, they can't see you every week.

Jonathan Breeden: No. They can't see you every week. And so, but the other thing the court will do if it looks like they just can't agree other than appointed of parent coordinator is the court may say, okay.

Raena Burch: Yeah,

Jonathan Breeden: it really is sole custody because the other parent has to make the decision.

Raena Burch: Doesn't matter what the other one says, I can still make those.

Jonathan Breeden: But with joint legal custody, you have access to the child's medical records, to the child's teachers, to the child's school records, all of that. So you can get the report cards, you can do parent-teacher conferences. You don't have to do parent teacher conferences with the other parent.

You can do your own parent teacher conference.

Raena Burch: Yes.

Jonathan Breeden: You can get on Class Dojo and send cupcakes and all of that kinda stuff like, like you can do everything as far as that's concerned. And so you know, but the other parent without a court order that says they have to give you this information doesn't, so you have to be proactive and go get it.

I want access to PowerSchool, where the grades are and whether they're doing their homework.

Raena Burch: Yeah.

Jonathan Breeden: I wanna be invited to the individual education plan meetings if the child has an IEP and all of that. And the school has to do that, whether you have a court order or not. But you have to let the school know you exist, particularly if the other parent enrolled the child and maybe didn't write your name down on the enrollment paperwork, which happens all the time.

Raena Burch: All the time.

Jonathan Breeden: And they didn't put you as the emergency contact, and they put stepdad or new boyfriend as the, as the dad on the paperwork. Well, you're not gonna know that if you don't go to the school and look at the paperwork. What do the records say? You know, they need to know who you are. They didn't know your address, they didn't know your phone number.

Yep. All of that stuff is very important. And we see so many often dads not do that.

Raena Burch: Mm-hmm.

Raena Burch: Mm-hmm.

Jonathan Breeden: And then we'll work from there. But you know, you've got to be proactively go do it. And we tell dad to do it and probably half of 'em still don't. So, you know, like I said, it, it's not particularly these high conflict cases, they're not going to just give it to you. They don't want you to have it.

They wanna hold it over your head.

Raena Burch: Yeah.

Jonathan Breeden: But like you can get it, but you're gonna have to do something to go get it.

Raena Burch: Yeah.

Jonathan Breeden: And I think that's important. And of course. I think everybody in any kind of high conflict case should get a court order side by judge that is clear as to where everybody's supposed to be and what they're supposed to do.

Raena Burch: Yes.

Jonathan Breeden: I think that is better for both parents. I think it's better for the children. But, you know, not everybody does that. They don't wanna pay for it, but I think it's worth doing if the communication is not good and it's, and it's a conflict. It's a high conflict case.

Raena Burch: Absolutely worth doing. Worth doing right and worth doing right the first time.

Jonathan Breeden: Correct, correct. And make sure it is as detailed as possible.

Raena Burch: Yes.

Jonathan Breeden: To cover as many scenarios as possible.

Raena Burch: Mm-hmm.

Every and all that does is hurt the child.

Raena Burch: Yes.

Jonathan Breeden: But they don't see it that way.

Raena Burch: No.

Jonathan Breeden: And that is unfortunate, and I say it every time. If the child grows up and realizes that one parent was alienating them from the other parent and messing with the other parent. When they grow up and they get adult reasoning and they can decide, they almost never have a relationship with the parent who did it, or they have a limited relationship with the parent who did it, and they are completely bonded to the parent who got alienated and the parent who got messed with, and the parent who didn't get the time they should have had.

And I see it over and over and over again. So if you're a parent who's trying to keep the child from the other parent. Or mess the other parent around about the time or not share the information with the other parent.

Raena Burch: Mm-hmm.

Raena Burch: Yeah.

Jonathan Breeden: If you're criticizing the other parent. In any scenario, it's like stabbing that child in the heart.

Raena Burch: Mm-hmm.

Jonathan Breeden: Because that child is half the other parent. And while you may hate that other parent and you may hate his family and his new wife and everything about it, that parent is still that child's father or that child's mother.

And that is one of the two most important people in the entire world to that child. And to criticize him and put them down is like stabbing that child in the heart and hurting that child. And you do not wanna be hurting your child and you're not accomplishing anything by doing it.

So that's

Jonathan Breeden: no doubt

Raena Burch: that's, that's really what, you know, people should have in their minds when they are playing games.

Jonathan Breeden: Right. That's true

Raena Burch: with the other parent.

Jonathan Breeden: That's that's true. Alright, well that'll do it for this week's episode of The Best of Johnston County Podcast, our special edition Ask Jonathan Breeden Anything where we talked about child custody in schools and education related matters.

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If the legal aspects highlighted raised some questions, help is just around the corner at www. breedenfirm. com.