From Anxiety to Peace : Better Mental Health By Rethinking Priorities with Erik DaRosa

Anxiety in men often hides behind a smile, a big career, and the belief that nobody else feels this way. My guest Erik DaRosa lived with anxiety and OCD from the age of seven. He was the first in his family to go to college. He went on to spend 18 years in New York as a derivatives trader. Some days he left the trading desk and cried in a bathroom stall. He told no one, not even his wife, Amy. At 33, he couldn't hold it together anymore. In 2004 he had the first of two dissociative episodes, and he finally told Amy everything. She stayed right beside him. Even in therapy, he kept his guard up. His psychiatrist once asked why he smiled all the time while describing his struggles. Erik came to see that smile as the mask he'd worn his whole life. He has been married to Amy for 26 years and now lives in the Colorado Rockies. He speaks openly about men's mental health so other men know they aren't alone.

Erik's way forward rests on what he calls his Equilateral Triangle of Healing. One corner is Western care, with talk therapy, cognitive behavioral therapy, and medication. Another corner is Eastern practice, with meditation, mindfulness, and Reiki. The third corner is nature, which for Erik means skiing and mountain biking. He uses all three together, because pulling one side away makes the triangle collapse. He learned that after he felt cured, stopped treatment, and later had a second episode. He calls mental health an endurance event. He tells men to try everything, including a second or third therapist when the first one doesn't fit. With Mike Forrester, he talks about how fight or flight runs a man's brain at work. He describes moving the CEO of his brain from the amygdala to the prefrontal cortex. Both men talk about the late night calls that nobody remembers when layoffs come. Mike shares how years of four hour nights left him with tremors in his left hand.

The turning point in Erik's story is telling someone. Mike admits he once believed hiding his struggles protected his wife. She had already seen them all along. Erik's message to men is direct. The people who care about you most will stand by you when you open up. He no longer gives a quick "fine" when someone asks how he's doing. He has learned that men often crave someone who will truly listen. Erik also refuses to let his job title answer who he is. That fits what Mike teaches, that who you are is separate from the roles you fill. Mike names what's at stake for his own children and grandchildren. When a man does this work, they inherit something different. If you're a husband and dad still smiling through the day and hiding what's inside, start with one honest conversation at home. Your kids will inherit what you choose to face.

What You'll Learn In This Episode:

Recognize the signs of hidden anxiety, like smiling through it, sleepless nights, and checking rituals that promise a sense of control.
Understand why your wife and the people who love you are more likely to stand by you than leave when you tell them you're struggling.
Use the Equilateral Triangle of Healing to combine therapy, mindfulness practices, and time outdoors.
See why Erik calls mental health an endurance event, and what happened when he stopped treatment after feeling cured.
Spot when a high-pressure job keeps you stuck in fight or flight, and why the 3 AM calls never earn the security you're chasing.
Learn how answering "how are you doing" honestly, and listening in return, builds real connection with other men and at home.

The key moments in this episode are:

00:04:00 - why men with anxiety believe they're the only ones struggling

00:14:00 - how chasing a career others expected can bury what you love

00:18:00 - how journaling helped him open up in therapy

00:23:00 - what happens when you finally tell your wife you're struggling

00:26:00 - how men hide anxiety at work behind a successful career

00:29:00 - why stopping therapy too soon can set you back

00:32:00 - what anxiety, OCD, and PTSD feel like from the inside

00:37:00 - fear of losing your job if anyone at work finds out you're struggling

00:39:00 - why working around the clock never earns you a badge of honor

00:44:00 - how to get out of fight or flight mode at work

00:47:00 - why men need someone to really listen