In this special Saturday episode, recorded at the barn, Lesa Koski discusses the importance of mindset, especially through challenging times like divorce, cancer, or general difficulties. Lesa shares her journey of using mindset-shifting tools to manage anxiety, and her commitment to relying on God to improve her emotional wellbeing. She introduces JJ Flizanes, an expert whose courses on emotions and core childhood experiences have profoundly impacted her. Lesa emphasizes the need to understand and fulfill personal needs, identifying feelings and practicing self-responsibility. She also introduces the Hawaiian practice of Ho'oponopono for emotional healing. Tune in to learn how you can navigate your feelings, meet your needs, and cultivate more joy in life.

00:00 Welcome and Introduction

00:24 Mindset Shifting Tools

01:35 Personal Journey and Expert Insights

04:34 Morning Routine and Emotional Awareness

06:02 Identifying and Meeting Basic Human Needs

11:49 Finding Peace and Surrendering to God

12:24 Ho'oponopono and Present Moment Practices

16:11 Conclusion and Final Thoughts

Welcome listeners.

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I'm thrilled to have you

here today at the barn.

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And it's actually a Saturday.

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I don't think I've ever recorded a podcast

on a Saturday, but I'm so happy to do it.

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And it's kind of out of the blue.

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I got inspired.

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I was doing a course on

mindset and you know, that I've

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talked about mindset before.

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So today, what I want to help you do.

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is to get a better mindset, and I'm

going to share the tools that I use.

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this mindset shifting can help you if

you've gone through something really hard.

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It doesn't always have to be a divorce,

But divorce is one really hard thing.

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Or if you're just going through a

difficulty or I know, you know, sometimes

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in the past I can make something a big

deal because I tend to have anxiety.

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And so I am on this journey.

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And I always have been on it, but I

think I've stepped it up a bit lately.

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And I really want to surrender.

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I want to surrender to God because

he knows what I need, from him.

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He knows where I'm at.

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And so I want to really rely heavily

on him and I don't want to get.

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stuck in that ruminating over bad

thoughts because I can do that.

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So if you're like me, this

episode is here to help you.

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So this journey that I'm on

has led me to, an expert.

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Her name is JJ Flazains, and

she's going to be coming on the

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podcast, in a couple of weeks.

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we're actually going to

do a couple, in a row.

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I had her on and I was so

intrigued because I've done a

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lot of mindset work in the past.

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You've maybe heard him on past

podcasts and this is, similar to

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that, but for some reason it seems

to be sticking a little bit more.

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I think it may be because I have

jumped in, I bought her course.

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I did one on emotions and I'm doing

one on our core child, which I've

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heard a lot talked about, but haven't.

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really delved into and kind of the

idea is healing how we respond to

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things, to put us further along to

help us be able to use our wise self.

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Now I'm not there yet, so I'm

not going to talk about that yet.

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But I do promise you to bring you more

of this and I am going to keep you on

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this journey because as most of you know,

I've been through something really hard.

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I had that breast cancer

diagnosis treatment.

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I still have to go in and get a

immune therapy shot every three weeks.

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So you know, the journey continues

and because I'm high anxiety, it's

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really important to me to change

my mindset and it's also really

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important to me to enjoy my life.

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And, if I could just surrender

everything to God, I know I

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would feel so much better.

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And that is easier said than done.

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So is changing your mindset.

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And there are times when

there are times to mourn.

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That is one of our basic human needs.

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And so you do have to sit in it.

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But I do want to help you because I am

finding that this work is helping me.

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You know, I went on a low dose of

anxiety medication through this, and

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I'm so thankful that I have, but I want

to keep you with me as I try to, I'm

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not sure when, you know, maybe at, six

months from now, but I really do want

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to get to a point where I can go off

that medication just because I want

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to be on as little as I need to be.

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And if I need it, I'm going to stay on it.

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So, for all of you out there

who are, I get it, I get it.

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And I know that, it is

necessary for some people.

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I had the big genetic overhaul and I

do know, That my genes are reflecting

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that anxiety that is in my body.

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it's just genetically in me.

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So in a way that was

a good thing to learn.

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And I'm going to have that specialist

on too, to talk about that.

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So that's all coming.

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We have so many fun, exciting things,

but I want to just start with what I

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have been doing any time of the day.

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Morning's a great time because

if you're like me, there are a

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lot of mornings where I wake up.

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With like a sadness or anxiety

right in my gut, notice that.

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So the first thing is to be aware,

We try to run away from our feelings

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so often, but if you allow yourself

to just sit and feel that sometimes,

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not all the time, but sometimes.

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That's enough to bring me peace

and that happened today to me.

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So I sit, I sit down when I'm

feeling that and I sit down and

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I go, okay, what am I feeling?

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And if you need a feelings

chart, go to lisakosky.

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com.

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I'm in, I'm reworking that website,

but go there and go to resources

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and you'll find the feelings wheel.

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I have a chart too that I got from JJ,

but the thing that's really important

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about that is it's hard to define.

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And a lot of times we get mucked up and

name a thought instead of a feeling.

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But if you can look at.

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And what I looked at was sad.

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So I looked at it and I thought,

okay, I feel kind of sad.

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And then I went under sad to

see exactly what I was feeling.

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And I felt like I was gloomy and heavy.

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So I sat with that for a moment.

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And then what JJ taught me, and my coach

Tracy has taught me this too, is the next.

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thing that I look at is, okay, so I have

this feeling, what I've learned is that

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you get those feelings because there's

a basic human need that's not being met.

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So I thought, hmm, okay,

what could that need be?

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That's not being met.

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And I, I have a list of the needs.

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And if you go to JJ Flazain's website,

you can, I believe find the list of needs,

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Just send me, an email or get

in touch with me on social media

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and I will get this to you.

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So there's a lot of needs, but I'll

just give you the big subjects so

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meaning in life and that's like

acknowledgement, awareness, beauty,

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celebration, clarity, closure, competence.

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Contribution, effectiveness, growth, hope,

inspiration, learning, mourning, mystery,

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purpose, stimulation, and understanding.

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another one is autonomy, which I

think is one that I stay away from.

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I don't know why.

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that's choice.

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That's freedom, that's

independence, and that's space.

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Just those four little ones.

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Authenticity is aliveness, creativity,

honesty, integrity, openness, self

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expression, to be heard and seen, to know

and be known, transparency, and trust.

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So the meaning, autonomy, authenticity.

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And then the fourth one is connection,

acceptance, belonging, closeness,

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communication, companionship, compassion,

consideration, empathy, interdependence,

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intimacy, love, respect, physical, air,

hydration, movement, procreation, rest,

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safety, shelter, sustenance, touch.

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Play.

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I'm working on getting more play and

that's just like five excitement,

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fun, humor, joy, laughter, community,

collaboration, cooperation,

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equality, inclusion, support.

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I think that's another one

that I can run away from.

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And then peace.

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Beauty, consciousness, ease, flow,

harmony, presence, spaciousness,

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spiritual connection, and transformation.

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So again, I'm going to try to get

this list to you, but these are the

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needs that the basic human needs.

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that we all have.

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So if we're having a feeling that we

don't want, and I want to say that

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because if it's if you're feeling

joy, you just go have fun with that.

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But if you're feeling something that

doesn't feel so good, sit with it, become

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aware of it, go, Where is this in my body?

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What color is it?

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Just look at it as closely as you can.

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And like I said, sometimes

it kind of dissipates.

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That did happen to me today, but then,

you know, as it's hanging around there

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and then you go to, okay, I have this

feeling and then I go through my needs

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and I go, what need is not being met?

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And

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I'm not going to lie.

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I'm still not, I haven't

worked my way through this.

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So I don't have the Answer answer.

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But by looking into

it, I found some peace.

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So I felt like my heaviness came

from the fact that I had had

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cancer and that makes me sad.

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It makes me like, I don't even

know how to live with this

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because I'm such a people pleaser.

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my thing was to try to be perfect so

that I would be accepted and loved.

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Well, this is.

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anything but perfection, right?

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Now I've looked at it and I've looked at.

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The hurt that it's caused me and I've

looked at the gifts that it's brought me.

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So I know that piece of it, but I

still am getting heavy about that.

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Like, Ooh, like you don't want it again.

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You, you know, scary.

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Like I had that, Ooh, I went through that.

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I went through that treatment.

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So when I look at, when I looked at my

needs, I'm still a little confused and

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I promise I'll let you know when I start

to figure things out, but I question you.

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Meaning, because I question

whether, have I mourned this enough?

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Because I was so like, I got

to make the, like, I got to

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let people know I'm doing well.

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I've got to feel good about this.

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Did I mourn it?

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I'm not sure.

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I'm not sure that I mourned it.

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And then I'm not quite sure if

this applies or not, but when I

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look at physical, which seems so

like, do you have enough food?

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Can you sleep?

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But there's a safety thing In me

physically where I feel out of control,

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like, is my body, you know, healthy?

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Is it taking care of me?

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That was a question that popped up.

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And as I say that, what I'm

realizing is, of course it is.

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Our bodies know how to take care of us.

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We just need to work with it

and let it take care of us.

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So of course my body is

giving me what I need.

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I looked at other needs and you don't

have to go through as many as I did.

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I think they actually recommend like

three, but I went further out on this

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because I'm learning along with you.

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Another one I thought about was laughter.

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I really want to laugh more and, I kind

of like put a little effort into this,

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like my husband was being goofy one

day and I'm like, it made me giggle.

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And I'm like, I'm going to just.

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I'm not going to tell you what

he did because it was, it was

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funny, but it was kind of nasty.

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So anyway, it was funny and

cute and it made me giggle and I

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want to hold on to more of that.

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And, I want to also.

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Find a space for peace.

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I think that's a piece that's missing.

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And you know, like I say, I have

this relationship with God and now

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it is time for Lisa to surrender.

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I don't know why that scares me.

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I feel like, Ooh, if I let go and don't

worry about living a long life and

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don't fight and don't, if I let go.

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For some reason, that's really scary

to me, and I'm going to dig into

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that a little bit more, but if we

can surrender that, it's beautiful.

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And I'm just going to add, another thing

that I learned from this course that

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I'm taking is called Ho Pona Pony Pony.

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And it's a whole lot, I

think I said it right.

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it's a Hawaiian tradition.

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And this woman came on and she was on

this podcast I listened to, and I will

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do my best to get that in the show notes.

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It's JJ Flazain interviewing this gal.

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And she said, I'm going

to look at my note.

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This is what she says.

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She says to be present and let God and

when she talks about being present I

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haven't talked about this yet today

about how we are Responsible for our

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feelings and when we try to put it

off on someone else That's where the

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problems arise because we can't control

that but that's why we look at our needs

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and you look at what the feeling is and

you say, what needs are not being met?

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And you know, I went

through those with you.

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And then you say, how

can I fulfill that need?

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I myself without anybody else.

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So how can I play more?

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Oh, I'm riding my horse

today with friends.

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how can you yourself fulfill the needs?

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Don't put it on another person.

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Don't put it on the circumstances.

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Be responsible because that's the

first step to being empowered.

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And when I say be responsible for it,

I love that part of that responsibility

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is for me, for my wellbeing, my

need that's not being met is under

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peace and it's that surrender.

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I want to surrender to God.

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I want to say, you know what I need.

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You're taking care of me.

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I'm not going to worry about this.

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And this whole pony pony talks about

these mantras that we come up with.

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like that, that take the focus off

the worry and into the present.

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So I've talked before about things,

and I think I don't know a lot about

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tapping, but there are things you can

do to get back in the present moment

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that can also help with like anxiety.

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One of them is like rubbing your

fingers together and just feeling it

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deep breathing, you know Looking at

something and concentrating it on it.

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It does bring you back in the

moment I also know to gratitude

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when you feel gratitude.

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You can't feel a bad feeling But we

want to also feel all our feelings

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because that is life and it's not

supposed to be joyful all the time.

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What I'm hoping to do is to

learn how to feel the feeling.

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So I understand that those feelings

are going to be there, but I want

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more of my life to be joyful.

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I don't want to ruminate and spin out.

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I want to take responsibility.

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Say, I'm sorry.

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Thank you.

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That was one of the things

she said, I'm sorry.

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Thank you.

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I'm sorry.

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Thank you.

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No, I'm sorry.

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It's okay.

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I found my notes.

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it's I'm sorry Please forgive me.

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Thank you.

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I love you.

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She said if you can say that you

get back into the present moment

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I'm I'm sorry, please forgive me.

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Thank you.

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I love you And it's kind of like a

prayer to God and to just be like

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I'm gonna surrender this to you.

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So just to kind of wrap this up

today, whether you're going through

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a divorce or a cancer diagnosis or

menopause, or your kids leaving,

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they're grown up, you know, whatever

hard thing you're going through grief.

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First thing, feel your feelings.

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Go to LisaKosky.

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com, get that feelings chart if

you need it so that you can really

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pinpoint it, name it, feel it.

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I don't want you to ruminate there,

but feel it, be aware of it, and

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then ask yourself what need is not

getting met that I can meet all

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by myself without anybody else?

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And then for me, the big one that I'm

going to work on is a whole pony pony,

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where I am going to really start working

on surrendering, knowing that God knows

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what I need and that he's taking care

of me and just, I'm not going to worry.

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So I'll keep, I'll keep you posted.

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And I think what I will probably

end up doing is as I do these

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giddy up segments, which are those

little short segments on Thursdays.

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I will let you know the progress that

I'm making and that makes me accountable

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and it's going to make me better at this.

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So I appreciate that.

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I appreciate you being here.

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I'm so thankful.

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And I hope that together

we can just learn to feel.

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All the joy that God has in store for us.

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And yes, we're going to feel the bad

align with it, but we're going to learn

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how to feel that and to mourn, which

is something I need to learn about and

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move on and still have a lot of joy in

our lives because it is a great life.

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Thanks so much for being here.

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Take good care.