I get this question more often than you might expect:

My work isn’t awful… but it isn’t great either. I can’t tell if it’s bad enough to leave or good enough to stay.

Yes. I’ve seen this a lot.

There’s a particular kind of work experience that doesn’t shout, doesn’t sparkle, and doesn’t trigger a crisis — but quietly drains your energy over time. I call it languishing at work.

It sits between happy work and unhappy work.

It doesn’t ring alarm bells.

And that’s exactly why it’s so dangerous.

When you’re languishing, you still show up. You still do the work. You might even work hard. But inside, something has gone flat. You tell yourself you’re lucky. You tolerate it. You coast. Weeks turn into months. And slowly, almost invisibly, you lose your spark.

In this episode, I talk about:

1. The three “siblings” of work life satisfaction — and why the middle one gets ignored
2. How languishing feels different from burnout (and why that matters)
3. Why smart, capable mid-career professionals are especially good at tolerating work that no longer fits
4. The difference between a short-term dip and chronic work-life languishing
5. What actually helps — from tiny pattern-disrupting experiments to knowing when it’s time for a bigger rethink

If your work feels fine, okay, or just about tolerable — and has done for far too long — this is for you.

Because the middle child doesn’t stay quiet forever.

And designing work that feels energising again starts with noticing what’s really going on.

If this idea of languishing at work resonates, you don’t need a dramatic leap — but you do need a more intentional next step.

If you’re ready to think more deliberately about the next decade of your work life, you can explore my work redesign programmes here:

👉 https://www.midlifeunstuck.com/work-with-me

And if you’d rather start with something lighter, I’ve shared practical ways to experiment your way out of flatness here:

👉 https://www.midlifeunstuck.com/new-blog-1/2020/11/8/midlife-career-kiss-of-life

Hi, Lucia.

I have a question for you.

My work is neither awful nor great.

I can't figure out if it's bad enough to leave or good enough to stay.

Have you seen anything like this before?

Yes, I have seen this a lot.

Let me share a slightly unusual way to explain what might be happening.

Let's play with the idea of the work life satisfaction family.

There are three siblings.

Sibling number one, the first born.

Their name is Happy Work.

They're the Golden Child.

The star of the Family show, they get the most attention.

Everyone wants to be them and to have.

Them in their life.

Most people search for happy work from the beginning of their work lives

all the way through their midlife and beyond, over decades in their own way.

And if Happy Work is found, it comes in the form of a great day's work.

Where you feel energized by the work that you're doing.

The work feels valuable and valued.

You work with the right people and solve the right sort of problems.

And at the end of the day, you still bounce home with enough energy to

interact and engage with your loved ones.

In simple language, you truly enjoy your work and it's impossible to ignore

that feeling 'cause it feels so good.

At the other end of the spectrum, the youngest child

of the work life satisfaction family, you've got unhappy work.

This is the baby, the wild one, who screams for attention, who creates high

stress, seems to revel in high drama.

Creates a great deal of pissed offness and often annoyance.

This kind of work life brings with it burnout, conflict toxicity,

values clashing all over the place.

It's impossible to ignore.

You know when this one's taken over your work day.

You are exhausted emotionally and physically when you get to go home.

You can barely muster a smile.

You need tune down tools in the evening, turn on Netflix, or rather a favorite time

thief to distract you from the fact that you need to go back to the office tomorrow

with even less energy and less desire to deal with what's ever on your plate.

But the one member of the work life satisfaction family that relates

specifically to our listeners question today is the middle child.

Their name is languishing work.

This middle child doesn't shout.

They don't sparkle either.

They don't throw tantrums or win awards.

They definitely don't bring joy.

What they bring is a flat lining pain that seems so low leveled

it almost doesn't register.

And because they're not loud they often get overlooked.

Languishing at work feels like going through the motions at first.

Nowhere near bad enough to leave, but not good enough to care or to care much.

Of course, you're turning up, you're doing the work.

You might even be working hard, but inside nothing's really landing.

You are grateful you're getting paid.

In fact, you might spend a great deal of time convincing

yourself how fortunate you are.

Work feels, blah, blah.

Same old, same old, a bit pointless, a bit flat on repeat.

Now I'm a middle child of a real family myself, so I know that dynamic well.

Growing up I wasn't the golden firstborn or the adored baby.

I was the one keeping the peace, watching the chaos from the sidelines, looking

after the young one, and just cracking on.

And the same thing happens to us midlifers, when our work hits a slump

that isn't dramatic enough to register as a real crisis that requires action.

And that's exactly why languishing is so dangerous.

It doesn't ring alarm bells.

You just slowly lose your spark.

And the worst thing is you might not even notice it happening until

languishing has moved in permanently.

There are three big reasons we overlook languishing at work.

Number one, we're trained to notice the extremes.

Sure, we notice promotions.

We notice burnout.

We notice breakthroughs and big ideas, but that middle in-between

space, the slightly dull, slightly overwhelming, slightly gray in between.

That doesn't make headlines in our brains.

Number two, we're busy.

Yeah.

When you are juggling work, family, the needs of little kids, the mysteries

of teenagers and maybe supporting aging parents as well as creating time

out of thin air to exercise so your body doesn't cease up while you're

wondering what to cook for dinner for the 40000th time, there's not a lot

of time left over for deep reflection.

And number three, we're smart adults.

For goodness sake.

We don't expect work to be joyful all the time, so when it's just okay.

Or less than Okay, for a while, we tolerate it.

We assume that's normal, and look, sometimes that is normal.

If you've just come off a big project or life has been hectic outside of

work, a few weeks of coasting might feel fine or indeed a welcome change.

But if your work life happiness lays languishing and lasts for months

or longer, you might be dealing with chronic work life languishing.

At that point, you start asking yourself, what's the point?

Once a week or quietly wondering, is this it?

More than a few times a week.

So what can you do?

If you've only been languishing for a short time.

Breaking free from the familiar is key.

When you're languishing your familiar decisions and behaviors

feel compelling, safe, familiar.

There is a huge power in implementing small pattern disrupting activities.

Here's some tiny ideas that are proven to spark your brain alive in a new way.

Try wearing your watch on the wrong arm for 15 minutes or putting

your socks on in the wrong order.

Your brain has a little hissy fit at first, and then sparks alive.

Compliment someone you wouldn't normally compliment.

Give a megawatt smile to the next human you see.

Send a kind message to a colleague.

Pay for the coffee of the person behind you in the cafe queue.

Learn something tiny in the next five minutes.

Watch a free video on how to draw Stick figures on YouTube.

Pick up an old book and read a random chapter.

Stand up in a meeting.

Stare out of your nearest window for five whole minutes.

Say hello on your next video meeting, in a funny way, ask a

question you wouldn't normally ask.

These micro disruptions remind you that you are not a machine.

You're a whole human and the middle child in you likes to be surprised every

nine again, it likes to be played with.

I've included an article I wrote a while back on hundreds of beginner

experiment ideas that helped me break through from languishing at work.

In the show notes, steal as many as you wish.

But if you've been languishing at work for a year or more, mm-hmm.

It's not time for micro tweaks.

It's time for a strategy change.

That middle child of the work life happiness family needs

more than a game in playtime.

They need a brand new plan.

If that's your situation, it's likely that you'll need to pause, learn how

to design a new career strategy, and then put that new strategy into action.

To get you started today alone, simply write two lists.

Make a note of all the activities you used to love to do at work and

all the activities you hate doing.

You'll be surprised how easy one is and how hard the other is.

Then if you want more guided help, there are two options I offer.

The Fierce Emporium is a deep at home training program where you'll

design your new career strategy.

Or if you'd rather have me walk alongside you, there's a

personalized redesign program.

Both are built to assess you and your career to date, and to show you how to

make the best possible decisions for the next decade of your work life and

leave languishing at work in the past.

Because here's what I've seen.

When the middle child of the work life happiness, family gets

ignored for long, they will act out with indifference, disengagement,

resignation, energy slumps, enthusiasm breakdowns, and all of these lead to

under performance at work over time.

Don't wait for that notice now and start designing the next decade

of your work life to be more fulfilling, enjoyable, and energizing.

And that sounds like joy at work to me.