For more information on how to control your anger, visit angersecrets.com.

If you know your anger is hurting your relationships, but you keep putting off getting help, this episode is for you.

In this eye-opening conversation, anger expert Alastair Duhs unpacks the five most common objections that stop people from taking action on their anger. Whether it’s fear, pride, doubt or simply feeling “too busy,” you’ll learn how to overcome the internal resistance that keeps you stuck - and discover why change is simpler and closer than you think.

Key Takeaways:

-Avoidance isn’t laziness—it’s fear. But naming that fear can take away its power.

-Believing you should “fix it on your own” is a trap—real strength is knowing when to ask for help.

-You’re not uniquely broken—anger follows a predictable pattern that can be changed with the right tools.

-Lasting change doesn’t require years of therapy—it often starts with 10 minutes a day and consistent effort.

-The cost of doing nothing—damaged relationships, missed opportunities and emotional pain—is far higher than the cost of change.

Links referenced in this episode:

angersecrets.com — Learn more about anger management

angersecrets.com/training — Watch the free training: Breaking The Anger Cycle

angersecrets.com/course — Enroll in The Complete Anger Management System

Why is it that the very thing that could ease your anger, repair your relationship, and give you the peace you have been craving for years is often the thing you avoid the most?

You know the arguments are getting worse.

You know the tension is building.

You know the people you love are hurting, even if they don't say it out loud.

And still, something inside you hesitates.

Maybe it's fear.

Fear of failing.

Fear of facing yourself.

Fear of being judged.

Maybe it's pride, the belief you should be able to fix this on your own.

Maybe it's the quiet voice that whispers, what if I'm the one person who can't change?

If that sounds familiar, take a breath.

The fact that you're here listening right now already says something powerful.

You're not running anymore.

You're willing to look at this resistance instead of letting it run you.

In today's episode, I'll unpack the five hidden objections that keep people stuck in the same painful patterns even when they desperately want to change.

These are the stories that feel true in the moment, but quietly block the breakthroughs that could transform your life.

By the end of this conversation, you'll see that the walls holding you back aren't immovable.

They're just familiar.

And once you understand them, you can finally step past them.

Welcome to episode 61 of the Anger management podcast.

I'm your host, Alastair Dues, and For the last 30 years, I've helped over 15,000 men and women control their anger, master their emotions, and create calmer, happier, and more respectful relationships.

In this podcast, together with my AI assistants, Jake and Sarah, I combine my 30 years of anger management experience with.

With the power of artificial intelligence to share with you some of the most powerful tips and tools I know to help you control your anger once and for all.

In today's episode, I've asked Jake and Sarah to take a deep dive into the five biggest reasons people delay getting help with their anger and the simple truths that can dissolve each one.

Let's get started.

Have you ever been in that spot where you.

You just know deep down you need to make a change?

Maybe with, you know, frustration or anger, but you find yourself making all these excuses to sort of avoid taking that first step.

It's a classic paradox, isn't it?

The solution is right there.

The benefits could literally change your life.

But that.

That internal resistance is just so powerful.

Yeah, that inertia.

It's almost easier to live with the pain, you know, than to face the unknown of trying to fix it.

And today, that's exactly what we're diving deep into that resistance.

We are.

We've got insights from an expert who's spent over 30 years helping, I think more than 15,000 people with this.

And he's boiled it all down to the five most common objections, the main excuses people use to avoid starting an anger management program.

So our mission today is pretty simple.

We're going to unpack those five reasons, see what's really behind them, and.

And maybe get a new perspective.

Because a lot of those reasons are built on, frankly, false assumptions.

But before we even get to the excuses, we have to talk about the stakes.

I mean, the cost of doing nothing is.

It's just devastating.

Oh, it's real.

Some of the stories we came across are just heartbreaking.

Like the story of Colin, a 38 year old guy, just too proud.

His wife, Tania, she begged him to get help for his anger, but he.

Just dug his heels in.

And the price he paid was, well, it was permanent.

He lost his marriage, his whole family.

And he realized, you know, way too late that if he had just done the work when she first asked, he might still have them.

We saw the same thing with Leon.

Yeah, stubborn, proud.

And his wife and kids left.

Now he's in a messy divorce, barely sees his children.

And that's what happens.

That's the real cost of letting pride get in the way.

It just shows you how serious this is.

But on the other side of that, you have someone like Jane, right?

The mother of two in Australia.

Her marriage was on the brink because of her temper, but she decided to commit.

And it paid off.

I mean, it paid off fast.

In just four weeks, her life completely changed.

Her marriage improved dramatically and she felt like she was a better role model for her kids.

She had better communication skills, more self awareness.

It wasn't just about not shouting.

It changed everything.

So if the upside is a happy life and the downside is losing your family.

Yeah.

Why the resistance?

Okay, let's unpack this.

Let's start with reason number one, the big one, the most fundamental one.

It won't work.

And that fear is usually coming from a real place.

You know, they've tried something before, maybe traditional counseling or some local group thing, and it just didn't help.

Or they think they're just broken.

Exactly.

They think they're hardwired for anger, maybe because of trauma or seeing violence growing up.

They feel like it's a permanent part of who they are.

That makes perfect sense.

I mean, if you've already tried and failed, why would you risk it again?

But then how do you explain the 15,000 people who succeeded?

How do you tell a good program from a bad one?

What's so interesting is that the expert completely gets that skepticism.

He agrees that, yeah, a lot of counselors and programs are ineffective because they.

Lack the specific tools.

They lack the specific practical tools for right now, in the moment.

Anger control.

But just because bad programs exist doesn't mean effective ones don't.

Right.

So you need to look for something that's focused on rapid practical skills, not just talking.

Exactly.

And it doesn't take years of therapy.

That's the other misconception.

Effective methods are about simple practical concepts you can learn and use immediately to break that anger cycle.

Okay, that makes sense.

And that leads us right into reason number two, which feels like a part of the first one.

It's not personal enough for me.

The ego objection.

Right.

The idea that my anger is unique, my problems are special.

So I need one on one custom tailored therapy.

And this is such an important point.

While everyone's life circumstances and triggers are unique, the underlying psychological principles for controlling anger are actually universal.

Anger follows a very predictable pattern in the brain and body.

Whether you're angry about traffic or because your spies forgot something at the store, it doesn't matter.

The reaction follows the same sequence.

But hang on, what if the trigger is really complex?

Like deep resentment from a betrayal or something from your childhood?

Can a universal program really get to that personal root cause?

It can, because the universal principles teach you how to do that.

They teach you awareness of the physical signs, de escalation techniques, and crucially, how to analyze the root cause yourself.

Ah, so it gives you the tools to do your own personal work.

Exactly.

And the best programs combine those universal principles with personalized support things like weekly coaching calls, private communities, or even unlimited tech support to help you apply the rules to your unique situation.

Okay, so we've covered belief in ego.

Now let's get into the practical stuff, the logistics.

Reason number three is one I think everyone can relate to.

It will take too long, the busy schedule.

Excuse.

We're all short on time.

People worry they're signing up for some endless open ended therapy that they just can't fit into their lives.

Totally understandable.

But effective programs are built for busy people.

They're designed for rapid, tangible results.

The expert is clear on this.

You can see visible changes in 21 days or less.

21 days?

I mean, that sounds almost too good to be true for a problem that feels so deep.

It's about consistency, not duration.

So what's the mechanism if it's only, say, 10 minutes a day, how does that create such a big change?

It's all about implementation and repetition.

You're learning a practical skill like a breathing technique or a communication script, and you practice it.

It becomes automatic.

It quickly becomes second nature.

So instead of that old explosive pattern, you have a new automatic response.

And that 10 minute commitment is nothing compared to a lifetime of calm.

That's a really powerful way to look at it.

Okay, that brings us to reason number four, which is maybe the biggest wall for most people.

It's too expensive, right?

The cost.

Especially if you're already skeptical about whether it will even work.

So how do you get past that?

You have to shift your perspective.

It's not about the cost of the program.

It's about the cost of inaction.

And that cost is always, always higher.

Okay, let's be specific.

When you say cost of inaction, what are we talking about?

Is it just the emotional toll?

Oh, it's so much more than that.

It's astronomical.

Think about lost job opportunities because of outbursts at work, legal fees.

Legal fees, fines from incidents.

But even beyond that, what's the cost of your children walking on eggshells around you or your partner?

You can't put a price on that.

You really can't.

So investing in your emotional well being is really crisis prevention.

It saves you an incredible amount of money, time and heartache down the road.

When you put it like that, yeah.

The investment in a program seems tiny compared to the disaster scenario we saw with Colin and Leon.

Precisely.

It's an investment in a calmer, happier life.

Okay, we've hit efficacy, personalization, time and money.

That leaves the last big objection.

Reason number five, I'm not good with technology.

This is a classic barrier, right?

People get intimidated by online programs or anything digital.

They're worried they won't be able to navigate it.

And the reassurance here is so simple.

The tech skills you need are extremely low.

I mean, if you can check your.

Email or enter a password on a.

Website, or click a button to watch a video, you have all the skills you need.

You're already qualified.

So you don't need to be some kind of tech expert.

Not at all.

And any good program is designed for this.

They have super clear, step by step instructions and usually unlimited support to help anyone who gets stuck.

The technology is there to make it easier, not harder.

You know, hearing all five of those laid out, it's striking.

They all seem to boil down to a fear of risk, don't they?

That's exactly it.

The risk of failure, of wasted time, of wasted money.

But as we've seen, the risk of not acting is so much greater, Far, far greater.

And the core message that really stands out from all this is, well, it's incredibly empowering.

What's that?

You can't control other people, you can't control your circumstances, but you can absolutely 100% control yourself and your own reactions.

And that's a learnable skill.

It's not some magic personality trait.

It's a skill anyone can master.

No matter how bad the problem feels or how many times you've tried and failed before, you just have to decide that you're done letting anger run your life.

Absolutely.

So if this deep dive was helpful, if you recognized yourself in any of those five excuses, we'd really encourage you to take that next step.

Don't let pride or fear get in the way.

You can get access to free training on how to control anger and master your emotions.

You can even book a free 30 minute anger assessment call to just talk it through.

All the resources you need are@AngerSecrets.com that's a N G E R S E C R e t s angersecrets.com we'll see you next time for the next deep dive.

Okay, thanks so much for tuning in to today's episode of the anger management podcast.

Before we wrap up, let's take a moment to go over a few of the most important ideas Jake and Sarah shared today.

Firstly, avoidance doesn't mean you don't want to change.

It means you're scared to try.

So many people delay starting an anger management program not because they don't care, but because the idea of facing themselves feels overwhelming.

Fear of failure, fear of being judged, fear of seeing the truth.

Understanding this is powerful because once you name the fear, it stops controlling you from the shadows.

Second, I should be able to fix this on my own is one of anger's biggest traps.

Jake and Sarah talked about how common it is to believe that getting help means weakness or inadequacy.

But the reality is the opposite.

Asking for help is a sign of responsibility, strength, and commitment.

No one learns to manage anger alone, not even the strongest people.

The moment you drop this belief, you open the door to real change.

Third, the belief that I'm different keeps people stuck for years.

A lot of listeners convince themselves their anger is uniquely unsolvable.

But as you heard today, the patterns behind anger are incredibly common, predictable, understandable, and absolutely changeable.

You don't have to be the exception.

You're human and humans can learn new skills.

And finally, change doesn't happen when life gets worse.

It happens when you finally decide you're worth more.

This was a big theme today.

Most people wait until something breaks.

A relationship, a job, a moment they can't take back.

But you don't have to wait for rock bottom.

You can choose to change simply because you care about your future, your family, and your peace of mind.

Now remember, real change doesn't happen by just listening.

It happens when you start practicing even one or two of these ideas in your everyday life.

So if something today stood out to you, take it, run with it.

See what shifts.

And if you'd like help putting any of these ideas into practice, just Visit my website, angasecrets.com on this site you can access my free training Breaking the Anger Cycle or book a free 30 minute anger assessment call to talk personally with me about your situation.

And if you're ready to go deeper, explore the complete Anger management system, the proven program thousands have used to control their anger, master their emotions, and create calmer, happier and more loving relationships.

I'd be honoured to help you on your anger management journey.

Okay, that's it for today's episode.

If you enjoyed this deep dive, please follow the podcast and leave a short rating and review.

It helps others discover these tools and start their own anger management journey.

And remember, you can't control what others say or do, but you can always control what you say and do.

And that's where your real power lies.

I'll see you in the next episode.

Take care.

The Anger Management Podcast is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute the practice of counseling, psychotherapy or any other professional health service.

No therapeutic relationship is implied or created by this podcast.

If you have mental health concerns of any type, please seek out the help of a local mental health professional.