Artwork for podcast TonyTidbit: A Black Executive Perspective
Becoming Family-The Challenges and Triumphs of Adoptive Parenting
Episode 186 • 12th November 2024 • TonyTidbit: A Black Executive Perspective • TonyTidbit ™
00:00:00 01:06:29

Share Episode

Shownotes

Episode Title:

Episode Audio Link: https://podcast.ablackexec.com/episode/Becoming Family-The Challenges and Triumphs of Adoptive Parenting

Episode Video Link:

In this episode of the Black Executive Perspective Podcast, host Tony Tidbit dives into the complex and rewarding journey of adoption and foster care, with special guests Dr. Nsenga Burton, Laura Henderson, and Aubree Henderson. The discussion explores the motivations, challenges, and triumphs experienced by a single Black mother and a same-sex couple in the adoption and foster care system. Topics covered include overcoming societal prejudices, the importance of open communication, and the deep emotional bonds formed between parents and adopted children. The episode seeks to educate and inspire listeners about the impact and necessity of adoption and foster parenting, particularly within the Black community.

▶︎ In This Episode

00:00: Introduction to Adoption Milestones

00:34: Welcome to the Podcast

01:12: Meet the Guests: Inspiring Adoption Stories

01:55: National Adoption Month: Importance and Perspectives

02:23: Guest Introductions: Dr. Burton and the Hendersons

05:07: Diving into Adoption Motivations

17:21: Challenges and Misconceptions in Adoption

19:59: Navigating the Adoption Process

20:46: Discrimination in Adoption: Race, Gender, and Sexuality

32:22: Navigating the Adoption System

33:45: Challenges of Being a Black Adoptive Parent

36:29: Experiences in the Foster Care System

41:14: Creating a Loving Family Environment

48:09: The Importance of Open Adoption

52:58: Encouraging Adoption and Foster Care

01:02:01: Final Thoughts and Call to Action

🔗 Resources

Links and resources mentioned in this episode:

🔔 Listen and Subscribe

Listen to this episode and subscribe for future updates

subscribe to A Black Executive Perspective podcast on

if you like what we're doing and would like to support us, here's some ways you can help us continue the uncomfortable conversations that drive change

  1. subscribe to our newsletter
  2. give us up to a 5 star review on Apple Podcasts
  3. share an episode with a friend, family member or colleague

🗣️ Follow @ablackexec

follow us across social media @aBlackExec

⭐️ Follow @TonyTidbit

follow Tony across social media @TonyTidbit


This episode was produced by TonyTidbit ™ . Copyright © 2024 A BLACK EXECUTIVE PERSPECTIVE LLC. All rights reserved. No part of this podcast may be reproduced without prior written permission. For permissions, email podcast@ablackexec.com .

Transcripts

Aubree Henderson:

Most of them eventually transitioned to wanting

2

:

to call us mom, usually, I think,

because they hear the other kids call

3

:

us mom, but that's a big milestone.

4

:

We just had that with

one of our kids today.

5

:

I dropped him off at school and he

pointed to me and this is a kid who

6

:

normally I dropped him off at school and

he cannot like get me out the door fast

7

:

enough, like does not want to say bye.

8

:

And he's he pointed to me Talking to

his friend and said, that's my mom.

9

:

Tony Tidbit: We'll discuss race and how it

plays a factor and how we didn't even talk

10

:

about this topic because we were afraid.

11

:

BEP Narrator: A black

executive perspective.

12

:

Tony Tidbit: Welcome to a black executive

perspective podcast, a safe space where

13

:

we discuss all matters related to race,

especially race in corporate America.

14

:

I'm your host Tony Tidbit.

15

:

So before we get started today, we

wanted to send out a friendly reminder

16

:

for you to make sure you check out

our partners Code M Magazine, whose

17

:

mission is saving the black family

by first saving the black man.

18

:

So definitely go check

them codemmagazine.com.

19

:

That is codemagazine.com.

20

:

So we also want you to check out today.

21

:

Today we're gonna navigate the

layer and gratifying journey.

22

:

of adoption.

23

:

I'm accompanied by three inspiring

individuals, a single black woman and

24

:

a same sex couple who are here to share

their unique stories and experiences.

25

:

We'll discuss the motivations behind their

decisions, the challenges they face from

26

:

navigating legal hurdles to overcoming

societal prejudice, and how adopting a

27

:

child has forever changed their lives.

28

:

Change their worlds.

29

:

So Dr.

30

:

Nsenga Burton, Aubree and Laura

Henderson, welcome to a Black Executive

31

:

Perspective Podcast, my sisters.

32

:

Dr. Nsenga Burton: Thank you.

33

:

Tony Tidbit: Hey, I'm glad you're here.

34

:

Thank you for really wanting to

participate and share this story.

35

:

This is National Adoption Month in

November, so this is very important

36

:

to a Black executive perspective.

37

:

We want to hear your perspectives on

adoption, the good, the bad, and ugly, and

38

:

more importantly, educate the audience on

why adoption Is there is something that

39

:

they definitely should consider because

there are so many kids that are looking

40

:

for love and they're looking for a home.

41

:

So we definitely want to dive into it.

42

:

But before we get into

the heavy stuff, ladies.

43

:

Why don't you all go around and tell us

a little bit about where you're currently

44

:

residing and the makeup of your family.

45

:

So we'll start with Dr.

46

:

Burton first.

47

:

Dr. Nsenga Burton: Hi, so I am currently

living in Atlanta, uh, Atlanta, Georgia.

48

:

I was thinking of my home

state, Atlanta, Georgia.

49

:

I am the mother of an eight year old Kai,

which I'm sure many of you who follow me

50

:

know about because I talk about her a lot.

51

:

Uh, I have, uh, Had her

since she was six hours old.

52

:

So I adopted her.

53

:

Um, and I will say I'm an only parent.

54

:

Um, you know, uh, there is no dad.

55

:

I am both parents.

56

:

There is no partner currently.

57

:

So, uh, it's just me.

58

:

Uh, and I'm not from Atlanta,

so I, my family is elsewhere.

59

:

Uh, so I really have, uh, The bulk

of the care of Chi, although I have

60

:

created an amazing village that helps me

tremendously with her care and upbringing.

61

:

Tony Tidbit: That is awesome.

62

:

We can't, I mean, we want to dive

into that village and your story, so

63

:

I'm looking forward to hearing it.

64

:

The Hendersons, Laura,

Aubree, jump in here.

65

:

Tell us a little bit, where are you

currently residing and tell us about

66

:

the makeup of your beautiful family.

67

:

Aubree Henderson: Okay, cool.

68

:

I'll start.

69

:

I was, I'm like looking at

Laura, like you want to go?

70

:

Yeah, yeah.

71

:

Who's going to start?

72

:

Um, so hello, my name is Aubree Henderson.

73

:

I'm, I'm half of this couple.

74

:

My wife, Laura and I live

in Brooklyn, New York.

75

:

Um, and currently we have

4 kiddos in our home.

76

:

We're a foster home.

77

:

So we have some of our 1 of our

children we've adopted from foster care.

78

:

And then the other 3 still

currently are in care.

79

:

So we have not adopted them,

but we are an adoptive home.

80

:

So.

81

:

You know, we always say that

we are going to be the adoptive

82

:

home for our kids if they're not

able to be reunified with family.

83

:

So currently four kids in our home.

84

:

Our oldest is 13.

85

:

We've adopted him.

86

:

Um, and then we have a 10 year old,

a nine year old and an 18 month old.

87

:

Tony Tidbit: Wow.

88

:

Wow.

89

:

Look at you guys.

90

:

So when you jump in,

you jump in all the way.

91

:

That's right.

92

:

That's right.

93

:

I mean, no, no dipping the

toe in the water, right?

94

:

We're going to do it.

95

:

We're going to do it.

96

:

That's right.

97

:

All right.

98

:

I love that.

99

:

I love that.

100

:

That is awesome.

101

:

So welcome.

102

:

So, you know, Laura, I'm

going to start with you here.

103

:

You know, obviously.

104

:

We don't know, the mainstream of

people don't know a lot about adoption.

105

:

Um, you know, we see things on TV of

somebody carrying a baby or, or whether

106

:

the case may be from international.

107

:

And we just don't really

understand it, right?

108

:

And, you know, for you guys to come

on to share, because there's a lot

109

:

of things that, You know, most people

probably wouldn't want to share

110

:

when it comes to what they have to

go through to adopt a child, right?

111

:

So the question I have for you,

why did you and Aubree want to come

112

:

on a Black Executive Perspective

podcast to talk about this topic?

113

:

Laura Henderson: Well, thank you for the

question and thanks so much for having us.

114

:

You know, we're thrilled to be invited

into this conversation because,

115

:

of course, adoption Is a chance to

expand love in your family and love

116

:

is certainly a core value for AJ.

117

:

I call Aubree AJ and for AJ and I

and, you know, as members of the

118

:

queer community, we believe in chosen

family and so many folks who are

119

:

queer, you know, we have choices for

how we build family and for us, it

120

:

was like, are we going to have that?

121

:

Some are we gonna get some, you

know, to put it in crude terms.

122

:

And, uh, and, you know, we've

through this journey of foster care.

123

:

We've learned so much.

124

:

We've grown so much.

125

:

And so to get to share our experience,

particularly in a space that.

126

:

Is, uh, you know, about a black

perspective that that has a

127

:

racial lens is really mean for

us as white parents as well.

128

:

So, um, we've had, we're transracial

foster and adoptive parents.

129

:

Our kids do not look like us and, um,

that has been a really meaningful,

130

:

important part of our journey as well.

131

:

So we're really.

132

:

Um, excited to be here

and talk about that.

133

:

Tony Tidbit: That is awesome.

134

:

Aubree, anything you wanted to

add to that or are you good?

135

:

Aubree Henderson: No, I'm good.

136

:

She put it well.

137

:

Tony Tidbit: Okay, awesome.

138

:

Dr.

139

:

Burton, tell us, why did you want to

come on the Black Executive Perspective

140

:

Podcast to talk about this topic?

141

:

Dr. Nsenga Burton: Well,

A, you invited me, Tony.

142

:

Tony Tidbit: That definitely

has to have something to do with

143

:

Dr. Nsenga Burton: it, Uh, be,

uh, November is, uh, adoption,

144

:

National Adoption Awareness Month.

145

:

And so I always like to do

some type of programming around

146

:

that, um, leading up to it.

147

:

And so October is an important, um, time.

148

:

And I know that November, we

have a big election coming up.

149

:

So.

150

:

So, um, there's probably gonna be

less adoption programming this month,

151

:

um, coming month because of that.

152

:

So I wanted to make sure that I

came on and, um, let people know

153

:

that adoption is a fantastic option.

154

:

It is something that is needed,

especially if you're talking about

155

:

children, African American children.

156

:

You know, and if you're thinking about

the foster care system, they're great

157

:

people like the Henderson's here who are

doing amazing work within that system.

158

:

There's a lot that needs to be done.

159

:

And there are a lot of kids

who actually need help.

160

:

They need support.

161

:

They need positive home environment.

162

:

They need loving.

163

:

And nurturing and kind parents,

people who have empathy, people

164

:

are going to be nice to them.

165

:

And so I think it's important to come

on to really talk about these issues

166

:

and to really impart the importance of

considering adoption if you are healthy.

167

:

If you are happy and if you're

financially able, um, then I think,

168

:

and mentally stable, um, and I'm not

talking about like anxiety, depression,

169

:

all this stuff that everybody has.

170

:

I'm not talking about that, but

mentally stay emotionally whole.

171

:

Um, then I think you should

really consider having a child

172

:

Tony Tidbit: or listen, I have

173

:

Dr. Nsenga Burton: adopting a child,

174

:

Tony Tidbit: adopting a child.

175

:

Well, listen, I, number one, I thank you

for again, uh, participating to share

176

:

your stories and so let's you guys ready.

177

:

It seems like everybody's

chomping at the bit.

178

:

You guys ready to talk about it.

179

:

Laura Henderson: So let's talk about

180

:

Tony Tidbit: it.

181

:

Right?

182

:

So let's I'm gonna start

with the Henderson's first.

183

:

You know, listen, talk, you know, and

you said a little bit of it, but I

184

:

love to dive in a little bit deeper.

185

:

What inspired both for

you to pursue adoption?

186

:

All right.

187

:

And then more importantly, how did you

know it was the right path for what

188

:

you guys wanted to do as a family?

189

:

Aubree Henderson: Okay.

190

:

I can start.

191

:

Um, and then Laura, you can add,

certainly if I miss things, I

192

:

think, you know, when we, uh,

Decided we wanted to start a family.

193

:

We both had kind of experiences

from our upbringing that.

194

:

Had exposed us a little bit

to foster care to adoption.

195

:

Um, my mom, when I moved out and went to

college, I was the oldest of four kids

196

:

and my mom, uh, fostered and adopted

two more kiddos through foster care.

197

:

Um, after I moved out once

I was out of the home.

198

:

So I wasn't living at home when

that happened, but obviously it's,

199

:

that's happening within my family.

200

:

I was very much kind of aware of

the process and it really felt

201

:

like something to me that was

like, Oh, this is a way we could.

202

:

Build a family, um, and for Laura, she had

exposure to that through her dad working

203

:

in family court and, you know, kind of

having that experience through the legal

204

:

system and being aware of kind of how

those things go from that lens, which I'm

205

:

sure she can talk about a little bit more.

206

:

But for both of us, it was.

207

:

You know, it was 1 way that we could

imagine starting a family, and it's

208

:

just what we decided to go for.

209

:

And like you said earlier, once we decide

to do something, we do it all the way.

210

:

And so, um, you know, we've gone

from, you know, You know, initially,

211

:

starting out with 2 kiddos in our

home and kind of having a number

212

:

of kids come through our home.

213

:

Some of them to reunify with family.

214

:

Some of them still with us are,

you know, our daughter is who's

215

:

been with us the longest we met her

and she moved in with us in:

216

:

when she was 3 and she's 10 now.

217

:

And so, you know, we, we both had

that kind of exposure early on.

218

:

And I think we decided this

was the route we wanted to go.

219

:

We also had a friend who works in

mental health, um, in with kids in

220

:

foster care specifically, and with

families and foster care and knew us

221

:

and said, you know, I think I think

you guys could be really helpful.

222

:

Great for this.

223

:

I think you could be a good fit.

224

:

It's, it's hard, but it's worth it

and we need awesome foster parents.

225

:

And so we decided to check it out and

now it's kind of, for me, it's like

226

:

my central life's work at this point.

227

:

Um, and I'd say for Laura in a big

way too, it's, it's kind of, she

228

:

always says it's the best thing we

feel like we could be doing with our

229

:

time and energy is loving on our kids.

230

:

Tony Tidbit: That is awesome.

231

:

I love it.

232

:

I love it.

233

:

And what I'm hearing, there was some

familiarity in terms of, because as

234

:

you were saying, Aubree, your mother

had taken in a couple of kids, right?

235

:

And then Laura, your father, from a court

standpoint, from a legal standpoint,

236

:

you understand the process and you've

still, so this wasn't like unfamiliar

237

:

in terms of like, we don't know what to

do, what a case may, is that correct?

238

:

Laura Henderson: That's correct.

239

:

Yeah.

240

:

Yeah.

241

:

You know, we.

242

:

We kind of knew a little bit about the

system, and we knew, um, more about kind

243

:

of the background of the kids, right?

244

:

And I think a lot of people, when

they're thinking about adopting

245

:

through foster care, there's like

some fear that pops up, like, what if

246

:

these kids are not okay, or whatever.

247

:

And, uh, And I've got to tell you,

like, the kids are the best part.

248

:

The kids are the joy.

249

:

It's, it's the adult grown up stuff

of foster care that's the worst and

250

:

emotionally hard and all of that.

251

:

But the kids are the bright light, and I

think, you know, we both were able to see

252

:

that, you know, whatever the stigma might

be about kids who need help or in care,

253

:

um, Every kid just wants to be loved.

254

:

Every kid just wants to be seen.

255

:

Right.

256

:

And there is this need out there in

a very broken system that, you know,

257

:

targets and polices certain communities

for folks who want to show up just

258

:

to be there to lift others up and to

be supportive of biological families

259

:

as a whole, not just the kids.

260

:

So we both felt like, That's

something we could do and we

261

:

could make kind of a life calling.

262

:

Um, and, and it's been a joy.

263

:

It's been awesome.

264

:

Tony Tidbit: That is great.

265

:

That is great.

266

:

Dr.

267

:

Burton, you know, as you stated

earlier, only parent, right.

268

:

What was the, what inspired

you to, you know, go ahead.

269

:

'cause you, as you said earlier,

I think it was six hours old

270

:

when you had your daughter.

271

:

Is that about the, correct.

272

:

So tell us a little bit about your story.

273

:

What inspired you to go ahead

and go, go into this route?

274

:

Dr. Nsenga Burton: Yeah, so I.

275

:

Um, have a grandfather who was adopted and

then on my dad's side, and then my mom's

276

:

side, um, we have other, uh, folks who

are adopted on that side of the family.

277

:

So I'd always been around.

278

:

Um, my family was always

diverse in that way.

279

:

Um, and so everybody was treated the same.

280

:

There was no really differentiation.

281

:

You just kind of learned, um, over

the years that, uh, those folks were

282

:

adopted, but they were always our family.

283

:

So I always thought in my head, I would.

284

:

I would adopt.

285

:

Um, I also thought I would get married

and have children, but I never got

286

:

married and I never met anybody

I wanted to have children with.

287

:

Laura Henderson: Um,

288

:

Dr. Nsenga Burton: uh, which is not sad.

289

:

Some people, when I say it,

they're like, Oh, it's okay.

290

:

It's okay.

291

:

Life is good.

292

:

It's actually fantastic.

293

:

Very stress free.

294

:

In that way.

295

:

And so, um, I decided.

296

:

Once I got, I got to a certain age that,

um, and one of my girlfriends, I have

297

:

to say this, um, actually a bunch of my

girlfriends have adopted, but one of my

298

:

girlfriends I'm really tight with, she

was telling me, do you want to be a young

299

:

mama or do you want to be an old mama?

300

:

Which I think is funny.

301

:

Cause I'm 51 now.

302

:

So I'm an old mama, which cracks me up.

303

:

So she kept telling me like through

the thirties, girl, you better do it.

304

:

You know, to cut you off

girl, you better do it.

305

:

Girl, you better do it.

306

:

You know, they cut you off.

307

:

Then ain't nobody wants you to raise,

you know, old, you know, old ass

308

:

to raise, young kids, you better do

something, you better pull the trigger.

309

:

So finally I was like, okay, I'm 43.

310

:

I guess I better, I was enjoying

life, traveling all over the

311

:

world, just having a great time.

312

:

And I was like, okay.

313

:

And not that, you know, having

kids, you can't enjoy life.

314

:

It just makes your life different.

315

:

You still enjoy it.

316

:

So, um, Anyway, I decided

to pull the trigger.

317

:

I had to fall through.

318

:

Um, and then, and, and what's interesting,

people always tell you when you're

319

:

adopting, you know, whoever your baby

is, you'll know they'll, they'll, the

320

:

person you're supposed to be with,

or he's supposed to be with you.

321

:

They'll, they'll show up.

322

:

They'll, they'll be yours.

323

:

And that is very true.

324

:

Um, because my daughter and I, people.

325

:

They are like, you all look

alike, you sound alike, you feel

326

:

like, you know, all the things.

327

:

Um, but she really is the person

I was supposed to be with.

328

:

So, um, she was born.

329

:

Actually, I wasn't even I had, I'd

been here as a visiting professor in

330

:

Atlanta, and then I was going back

to Baltimore because I was living

331

:

in Baltimore between the two places.

332

:

And then long story short,

her mother found me.

333

:

Um, through just kind of like

adoption network, sort of,

334

:

and, um, the rest is history.

335

:

I, I drove through rain,

sleet, and snow to get her.

336

:

She was born down here.

337

:

Um, and, you know, we've been

together, I mean, for, since

338

:

she was literally six hours old.

339

:

That is awesome.

340

:

Tony Tidbit: So,

341

:

Dr. Nsenga Burton:

that's what prompted me.

342

:

I always wanted to be a mom.

343

:

I didn't know if I wanted to be a wife,

but I knew I wanted to be a mom, so.

344

:

Adoption was the best option for me.

345

:

And

346

:

Tony Tidbit: you know, I'm hearing

a theme because same thing you as,

347

:

as Aubree and Laura stated, um,

you had in your family, there was

348

:

familiarity in terms of adoption, right?

349

:

So, you know, and again, I, I don't know.

350

:

So it's just interesting to hear that all

three of you And from one way or another,

351

:

from a family standpoint, there was some

familiarity in terms of adoption, so

352

:

it didn't make it like daunting or it

probably was daunting, which we'll dive

353

:

into, but it wasn't like just I don't know

if I would want to do that or in case we

354

:

be because you've seen it in your family,

uh, either from a personal standpoint

355

:

or even from a legal standpoint.

356

:

Right?

357

:

So let me ask you this and

Laura, I'll go to you on this.

358

:

Okay.

359

:

What's a misconception, a

common misconception that

360

:

people think about adoption?

361

:

Laura Henderson: Uh, well, you

know, I think it's funny what Dr.

362

:

Burton was just saying about like,

the kids look like you, they act

363

:

like you, you know, it's not.

364

:

but it is my attitude

that's coming out of them.

365

:

Um, so they, um, they are little

mirrors and they are my kids, whether

366

:

they, you know, look like me or not,

you can tell who's raising them.

367

:

Um, and there's joy.

368

:

Like there's, there's not a difference,

whether we've had a kid in our home for

369

:

six years or six months, like, If you

let yourself fall in love with this kid,

370

:

you're gonna bond with them, whether

they're, you know, difficult to parent

371

:

for whatever reason, you know, that's

the thing they, they categorize in foster

372

:

care, is it, is it difficult to raise

kid because of different, um, factors

373

:

in their life and their story, and we've

had some of those, and we're just as

374

:

much as in love with them, you know, As

any other kid we we've had in our home.

375

:

So, uh, we've had a kid from four days

old and then we had a kid move in at nine

376

:

years old and we love them just as much.

377

:

So, um, that if you open up your

heart, it's going to happen.

378

:

You're going to fall in love with

them and then they'll scare you by

379

:

by, you know, mirroring you in ways

that you wish you didn't have to see.

380

:

You know,

381

:

Tony Tidbit: it's time

to rethink your protein.

382

:

AdraLabs protein bars are crafted with

high quality protein, double the leucine,

383

:

and enriched branched chain amino acids,

essential for optimal muscle recovery.

384

:

There's finally a protein bar that works

as hard as you do, so visit AdraLabs.

385

:

com and use the code BEP

to get 20 percent off.

386

:

That's AdraLabs.

387

:

com, promo code B.

388

:

E P.

389

:

Right, right.

390

:

I mean, that's a, that's an

excellent point though, right?

391

:

Because, you know, at the end of the day,

and if you think about even biological

392

:

parents, yes, there's, you know, going to

be some similarities in terms of looks,

393

:

but also from an attitude standpoint,

the way you bring your kids up, is

394

:

major, is a major influence in terms

of how they act or even how they think.

395

:

All right, and maybe even

think like you, right?

396

:

Because of the way that you've

been bringing them up and

397

:

teaching them certain things.

398

:

So those things are very important.

399

:

Let's dive into the process a little bit.

400

:

So Dr.

401

:

Burton, I'm going to go to you

on this, you know, single parent.

402

:

Your friend finally wore you down.

403

:

You better do this girl.

404

:

You better do it.

405

:

. Alright.

406

:

And you finally?

407

:

Yes.

408

:

Jayla, Jayla, Anderson Moore.

409

:

I'll do it.

410

:

I'll do it.

411

:

Alright.

412

:

, you know, being single.

413

:

Like, what were some of the most

significant challenges, um, and

414

:

during, you know, during the

process that, that you ran into?

415

:

And you know, also, what were some

of the assumptions that, you know,

416

:

people thought that since you're

going to be single, all right?

417

:

that you can't do this or this

is going to be too much for you.

418

:

Let's talk about that a little bit.

419

:

Dr. Nsenga Burton: Oh, Tony, you're

going back to where we were yesterday.

420

:

I see that good old racism, sexism,

heterosexism, all the stuff.

421

:

Um, Yeah, you know, uh, there is a

lot of discrimination against single

422

:

parents, um, in general in adoption.

423

:

Um, I would say black women, I mean,

it's, it's, you can Google it and

424

:

not like, you know, conspiracy theory

stuff, but like factual data exists,

425

:

um, about the discrimination that

LGBTQ, um, I, uh, plus populations,

426

:

uh, face, uh, in the adoption process.

427

:

So one of the challenges I

had was being a single person.

428

:

Many people who are making

decisions, and this is something

429

:

that people don't understand.

430

:

The adopt, the mother, the parent

of the biological parent is the

431

:

one who makes the choice, who says

yes to the actual adoptive parent.

432

:

Laura Henderson: So

433

:

Dr. Nsenga Burton: they,

it's really what they want.

434

:

Like you can say, Oh, I want a child.

435

:

I want to have blue eyes.

436

:

I want to have this.

437

:

You can have all of those

things in your head or whatever.

438

:

Ultimately the, the, the biological

parent is making the decision about

439

:

who and where their baby's going to go.

440

:

All right.

441

:

And so I didn't know that.

442

:

I think a lot of people don't know that

because you're just, you know, you're

443

:

thinking, okay, well, I'm adopting a baby.

444

:

So, of course, what I want

might, might, might go into a

445

:

Tony Tidbit: store, picking somebody out.

446

:

Right?

447

:

That's the thought

process that people think.

448

:

Right?

449

:

Dr. Nsenga Burton: Right.

450

:

Right.

451

:

It's not that, you know, it's a lot

like you do get to say some things

452

:

like, you know, some kind of medical

issues that, you know, are you, are

453

:

you, you know, Able to deal with some

of that can be quite expensive things of

454

:

that nature, but as a whole, like, you

really don't have too much saying it.

455

:

And honestly, I didn't

all I said was healthy.

456

:

I didn't care about gender.

457

:

Um, I didn't care about anything

other than, um, you know, a

458

:

couple of different categories.

459

:

Smart.

460

:

I said, please intelligent.

461

:

You know, I didn't know I

was gonna get a newborn.

462

:

I didn't know, but whatever.

463

:

Um, you know, those kind of

like my wish list, because, you

464

:

know, I'm a PhD, a professor and

stuff, some academics and stuff.

465

:

Um, but my point is,

they make the decision.

466

:

But what's interesting is when you

are a single parent, a lot of times

467

:

you lose out to 2 parent households.

468

:

Um, a lot of people who are making

these decisions usually come from

469

:

disenfranchised and vulnerable,

uh, situations and so they, uh,

470

:

assume, and this is an assumption,

um, that if you have 2 parents,

471

:

and if you have 2 incomes, then the

child's life is going to be better.

472

:

And that's a, you know, I won't

say it's an incorrect assumption,

473

:

but it is an assumption.

474

:

Right?

475

:

Um, So when you are a single parent,

especially as a black woman, um, with

476

:

all the stereotypes around being a black

woman and single black women, many of them

477

:

are negative and socially constructed.

478

:

They're not really

rooted in anything real.

479

:

Um, you know, you have

to deal with that too.

480

:

So it's like, do I want, um, this

single black, do I want my child

481

:

raised by a single black woman?

482

:

Even if I was financially able

to do it, it didn't matter.

483

:

It didn't matter.

484

:

All the things around.

485

:

So you have that, um, that kind

of, uh, uh, issue that you face.

486

:

And then, um, I think one of the adoption

agencies that ended up not going with,

487

:

um, was discriminatory in the sense that

I, she kept asking me, like, how are you

488

:

going to, cause this at the time I was

doing it, I was very high profile, um,

489

:

you know, I was, uh, editor at large for

a major, um, online, um, news publication.

490

:

And.

491

:

Um, I had a column in a, a major online,

you know, I was very high profile.

492

:

And so she kept asking me, uh,

well, how are you going to do this?

493

:

Like how, how you don't

have time to do this.

494

:

Uh, you, you know, just very

kind of, uh, projecting kind of

495

:

these old school ideas on to me.

496

:

Um, I wasn't married.

497

:

I have a high profile demanding job.

498

:

How on earth was I going to

be able to raise this child?

499

:

Something that they wouldn't,

you Well, maybe they do, but I

500

:

didn't see them asking, um, uh,

two parent households, like, you

501

:

know, both of you work full time.

502

:

So how are you going to make time to

take care of this child or what have you?

503

:

Um, so it's different things like that.

504

:

Um, it's not only race, it's also gender.

505

:

I would imagine I'm straight,

but I imagine it's sexuality.

506

:

Um, because people also assume if you're

single and you're adopted that you're gay.

507

:

Um, because I get a lot of that

as well, like people asking

508

:

me about my sexual identity.

509

:

Um, uh, as well as my gender identity.

510

:

Um, my hair was different then,

and people are stereotypically gay.

511

:

Motivated.

512

:

So they were asking me these

dumb dumb ass questions.

513

:

Excuse my language.

514

:

I cut a little bit.

515

:

Um, and so all of that was, I did

not expect or anticipate any of that

516

:

or not any of it, but I just was

surprised that people care so much

517

:

about socially constructed ideas that

really don't matter at the end of the

518

:

day in terms of having a healthy and

happy and well raised child, you know?

519

:

Yeah.

520

:

So those are some of the

things you deal with.

521

:

Tony Tidbit: Aubree, let me, let me,

let me, let me turn it towards you.

522

:

Same question.

523

:

All right.

524

:

Same sex couple.

525

:

What was some of the, you know, legal

barriers that you guys encountered?

526

:

Um, and, and as Dr.

527

:

Burton talked about the sexism,

racism, you know, all the

528

:

different things that she did.

529

:

I'd love to hear from you guys as well.

530

:

And, and, and Laura jump in when you can.

531

:

Aubree Henderson: Yeah.

532

:

I mean, so for us, it's a little

different since we went the foster care

533

:

route, you know, you become certified

as a foster parent with an agency.

534

:

Um, our agency is new alternatives

for children, which I'll shout them

535

:

out a bunch because we love them.

536

:

If you're in New York City, and

you're considering fostering, you

537

:

should check them out for sure.

538

:

Um, but, you know, for us, it's

and for most foster parents, to my

539

:

understanding, it's a process where

you go through a certification.

540

:

Ours.

541

:

Was pretty fast, but took, like, 6

months, you take classes, you do a lot

542

:

of the same home study type stuff that

that you do when you're doing adoption.

543

:

So you have somebody come in, like.

544

:

You know, look through your

home, make sure it's safe.

545

:

You have all these safety regulations

you have to, you know, put in place.

546

:

They you have to submit

your household budget.

547

:

Um, so they can know that you make

enough money to support a child, or that

548

:

you have a source of income somehow.

549

:

Um, there's just, there's a lot of

kind of those hoops that you have

550

:

to jump through to sort of like.

551

:

Prove yourself that you can be a

suitable parent that I know our friends

552

:

who have gone the adoption route have

described similar things, but for us,

553

:

you know, what's interesting is once

you are certified and licensed, then

554

:

it becomes actually in foster care.

555

:

More of a process of being able to

feel the requests for kids to come into

556

:

your home because you start getting

calls of, hey, this child needs a home.

557

:

And for us, it's the foster care agency.

558

:

Who's making the decisions about

which home could be a good fit.

559

:

So it's actually not the biological

parents have no say whatsoever in

560

:

at least in the case of our agency

is my understanding, which is, which

561

:

is, and it's a totally opposite side

of the spectrum that I actually,

562

:

in many ways, think is problematic.

563

:

Um, It's, you know, the child welfare

system is one that also disempowers,

564

:

you know, families who are involved

with it from the biological family side.

565

:

And so, so there's that piece.

566

:

Um, but so, you know, and our agency

also takes a big stance on, and I

567

:

believe the state of New York takes

a big stance on being supportive of

568

:

queer families and queer foster parents

and queer foster children and ensuring

569

:

that there's not discrimination that

happens and they have sort of systems

570

:

and structures in place around that.

571

:

So our experience from that lens.

572

:

Has been really good.

573

:

We actually, you know, have had meetings

with biological parents, um, where

574

:

there has been like an advocate from

the foster agency there on our behalf

575

:

to support us in that space in case

something homophobic was said, right?

576

:

Um, but also, I think, like, nothing

that I say can be taken away.

577

:

There's it's always

filtered through a lens of.

578

:

Our whiteness, right?

579

:

Laura and I show up looking very

much and behaving very much.

580

:

And also having the background of a lot

of the people who work at the foster care

581

:

agency, a lot, we have a ton in common

with our, all of our caseworkers, right.

582

:

Our people, we could have gone to grad

school with, and there's a, there's a

583

:

sort of way that we're privileged, I

think in some ways, and I, you know, I

584

:

think a lot of it is unconscious, but

that is something where I, I can't Dr.

585

:

Burton would have had that same experience

that we had being, being a foster parent

586

:

and feeling that level of supported.

587

:

Um, so that's just, yeah, um.

588

:

Yeah, but I, yeah, I think Laura,

do you have anything to add to that?

589

:

Laura Henderson: Well, I was just going

to say, I was going to underline what

590

:

she said about us living in New York

State, that takes some of these things

591

:

about discrimination very seriously.

592

:

And what's sad in our country is that,

you know, adoption, foster care, these are

593

:

systems that are used as political tools.

594

:

And in certain states with, you know,

conservative leadership, or where, you

595

:

know, You know, fundamentalist religious

organizations have strongholds like

596

:

the legal landscape and the approach is

very different and like, and it's really

597

:

important when you're thinking about.

598

:

You know, whether it's foster care

or adoption, researching the agency

599

:

that you're going to work with and

understanding who funds them and how

600

:

they're supported and what they believe

philosophically, because that will

601

:

change your experience, whether, you

know, you're a person of color, whether

602

:

you're a queer person, like, you see

it in the news about lawsuits over who

603

:

gets to be a parent and all of that.

604

:

And unfortunately,

that's just not the case.

605

:

Baked in to our political culture

and this experience of parenting.

606

:

Tony Tidbit: Let me just, and Dr.

607

:

Byrd, I want to come to you because

I'm going to ask you a similar

608

:

question, but I just want to

make sure I'm clear what I heard.

609

:

What you said, Aubree, is that

at the end of the day, you guys

610

:

are a same sex couple, right?

611

:

But what I'm, what I was hearing, And

again, it's foster care, so it's a

612

:

little bit different than adoption.

613

:

But what I was hearing is that because

you're two white people, at the end of

614

:

the day, the biases, the privilege of

being white doesn't really, uh, affect

615

:

the, the, or, or, or causes an issue in

terms of same sex or anything like that.

616

:

Is that what I'm hearing basically?

617

:

Aubree Henderson: I think it's

that for me, our, our whiteness has

618

:

played more of a distinctive role

in our experience than our queerness

619

:

has, I think is what I'm saying.

620

:

That's

621

:

Tony Tidbit: okay.

622

:

And so I heard it correctly.

623

:

Exactly.

624

:

That's what I thought.

625

:

Right.

626

:

So that's what, okay.

627

:

Interesting.

628

:

Dr.

629

:

Burton, same question.

630

:

Do you feel race And I think you

spoke a little bit about it earlier,

631

:

but you said gender and stuff.

632

:

Do you feel race in the process

affected you in any way throughout

633

:

this, throughout the process when

you're adopting your daughter?

634

:

Dr. Nsenga Burton: Oh yeah.

635

:

I mean, from the adoption fairs, when

you first get there, um, and they

636

:

have a list of kids and they have them

categorized by race and then they got

637

:

the black kids at the bottom and they

have the cheapest amount next to them.

638

:

When you say cheapest amount,

639

:

Tony Tidbit: what do you mean by that?

640

:

It looks like a

641

:

Dr. Nsenga Burton: slave trade, like those

old slave, um, documents that you see

642

:

where they have people and they have their

eyes and their teeth and their whatever,

643

:

and then they tell how much they cost.

644

:

In adoption fairs, some

of that still happens.

645

:

And so they'll have a list of kids,

it won't be the actual kids, but say

646

:

a white, you know, white newborn or

whatever, this is how much it'll cost you.

647

:

Uh, whatever, Latinx, biracial,

such and such, whatever.

648

:

The black kids are always at the

bottom, and they're always the cheapest.

649

:

Tony Tidbit: For real.

650

:

Dr. Nsenga Burton: So it starts there.

651

:

That was the first time where I

was just like, I can't do this.

652

:

I can't be a part of the system.

653

:

Yeah.

654

:

Tony Tidbit: Yeah.

655

:

Because then it seems like

so, so, so, so hold on.

656

:

Dr. Nsenga Burton: It's it's it's nervous.

657

:

Tony Tidbit: Yeah.

658

:

Yeah.

659

:

Let me just hold on.

660

:

Let's just put a pin here because I just

want to make sure I'm clear on this.

661

:

So what I'm hearing, you

finally, I want to love a child.

662

:

I want to bring love and put a

child in a beautiful family and

663

:

help nurture and bring them up.

664

:

And then when you start looking to go

through the process, you get a menu.

665

:

Okay.

666

:

And I'm, I'm kind of,

you know, simplifying it.

667

:

You get a menu.

668

:

of white, uh, and dollar signs.

669

:

Okay.

670

:

And then all the way down at the bottom

of the menu, or even if it's in the

671

:

middle, it doesn't really matter, but

the black is, and it's the cheapest.

672

:

Dr. Nsenga Burton: Yes.

673

:

Tony Tidbit: So this is how we,

this is the adoption system.

674

:

I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm a little

befuddled and shocked by that.

675

:

That's, I mean, so how do you,

how do you get so back to you?

676

:

I cut you off because

I'm a little shocked.

677

:

How do you even go back to the love part?

678

:

Because right off the bat, you,

you coming in loving, but then

679

:

you see that, wait a minute.

680

:

And then, so now even the person

that you do adopt this, a devalue

681

:

system on that individual based

on their race right off the bat.

682

:

Dr. Nsenga Burton: Right.

683

:

And then, um, I think that it's, you

know, being a member of a historically

684

:

disenfranchised group, 1 of the

things that people don't give us

685

:

credit for is our ability to navigate

systems that are set up against us.

686

:

And so, because we're able to.

687

:

Continue through the process because

we've been, we've been living life.

688

:

This is what we do.

689

:

We continue through the process despite,

or in spite of, because we have to get

690

:

these things that we need in order to

live the lives that we want to have.

691

:

Right.

692

:

And so the same thing is adoption

is not different from that.

693

:

Like when you see that just like, Oh

my God, how can I be a part of this?

694

:

Can we go again?

695

:

Tony Tidbit: Yeah, here we

696

:

Dr. Nsenga Burton: go.

697

:

You ask the questions, you

write the letters, you raise

698

:

the hell, but you keep moving.

699

:

Right.

700

:

Um, the woman who did my home study.

701

:

Uh, who was love, I loved her a lot

until I saw the final home study and

702

:

she wrote about me in a way I was

like, is this a plantation movie?

703

:

Like what are you like?

704

:

I literally made her re rewrite it.

705

:

I said, who is this?

706

:

What

707

:

Tony Tidbit: was how did she frame you

what was the narrative high level she

708

:

Dr. Nsenga Burton: described as a

mammy Like so she was like she's this

709

:

heavyset Um, uh, kind of like quiet.

710

:

I wish my dogs would be quiet right now.

711

:

Uh, quiet.

712

:

Um, uh, and I had another dog,

uh, me, rest in peace back then.

713

:

And I love me.

714

:

That was my first dog.

715

:

Like I had as an adult.

716

:

So I just treated her

like my little thing.

717

:

And, you know, the way she described me,

it was like the behavioral and physical

718

:

characteristics reflected that uh,

719

:

Tony Tidbit: Gone with the wind in a way.

720

:

Dr. Nsenga Burton: Are

they killing each other?

721

:

Yeah.

722

:

Yeah.

723

:

So, um, yeah, it reflected, it

reflected each other, uh, it reflected

724

:

that I think I was hyper aware of it,

obviously because I'm a media scholar

725

:

and I teach those things, right?

726

:

So I'm looking at it and I

was just like, who is this?

727

:

And she's like, well, what do you mean?

728

:

And it was on the first page.

729

:

I said, if you.

730

:

This way, no one is going to pick me

because I sound like I'm trapped in

731

:

a plantation from the last century.

732

:

So, I made her write it over and I gave

her suggested language and she, I told

733

:

you, she was a lovely lady in many ways.

734

:

I think that somehow sometimes how people.

735

:

Perceive us relatively, as opposed to who

we really are, they just don't see you.

736

:

So she saw the nice house, she saw

the professor, she saw the, she saw

737

:

the things, but she didn't see me.

738

:

Right.

739

:

And she came to my house like

three times or what have you.

740

:

Hold on, let me tell my

dogs to shut up real quick.

741

:

Tony Tidbit: Wow.

742

:

Wow.

743

:

So, so let me, I just want to, so

let me, what's, what's you ladies

744

:

thoughts on what you just heard Dr.

745

:

Burton?

746

:

And obviously it's different because

you guys are in the foster care system,

747

:

but what was your thoughts on that?

748

:

Aubree Henderson: I think it's

like, sadly that it doesn't, doesn't

749

:

surprise me or shock me necessarily.

750

:

Um, it's horrifying, of course.

751

:

I think it, it, it aligns a lot with,

you know, we have a, a close friend

752

:

who is a black woman and would, you

know, would be an only parent who, you

753

:

know, has had kind of like similarly

challenging, really crappy time with

754

:

kind of that process of becoming,

like going through the, the adoption.

755

:

Agency and jumping through all the

hoops and having the home studies and,

756

:

you know, the, that sort of experience.

757

:

And so, you know, it, it aligns with a

lot of what we've heard her share and

758

:

what I've read, um, you know, black

adoptive parents share specifically,

759

:

um, and is, you know, I also hear that.

760

:

And I just think that could not be more.

761

:

Different from the experience

that we had, and I think that

762

:

there's a lot of reasons for that.

763

:

But I think.

764

:

White privilege is a big component of it.

765

:

I think, like, you know, there are

there are many ways that, like, we

766

:

feel like, oh, we couldn't have been.

767

:

Facilitated through the

process any faster, right?

768

:

And some of that potentially is because

it's foster care and there's a need

769

:

for foster parents and all of that.

770

:

Right?

771

:

But I, I think it would be foolish to say

that there's no, there's no role that.

772

:

Our race plays in that.

773

:

Tony Tidbit: Did, did you

guys, Laura, this is for you.

774

:

Did you guys, did, was there any,

did you feel, uh, any discrimination

775

:

even in the foster care, um, platform

because you guys are same sex or you,

776

:

it was, was there anything in that,

that you felt like a regular couple

777

:

wouldn't have to deal with this regular

heterosexual couple wouldn't deal with?

778

:

Laura Henderson: Well, you know, um,

In our process of being licensed and

779

:

certified as foster parents, we have not,

we did not experience that, but a lot of

780

:

that is because of New York State and some

of the laws around anti discrimination

781

:

that we're benefiting from here.

782

:

Um, but, you know, in New York, the

discrimination that we have is more, um,

783

:

it's, it's more under the layers, right?

784

:

It is covered under the

rug a little bit with.

785

:

Neighborhood segregation and other things

that are happening here, um, and that most

786

:

kids in care are black here, or, you know,

and most, um, foster parents here are, in

787

:

our experience, I actually don't know the

data on this, but in our experience, a

788

:

lot of the other foster parents are like

grand, grandparents age, you know, it's

789

:

a lot of Caribbean grandmothers who raise

their kids, and they want to raise another

790

:

generation of kids so they get into it.

791

:

So, We benefit by being somewhat different

than your average foster parent here,

792

:

but that's sad to me because that, um,

way of understanding families and of

793

:

being an elder in your community and

continuing to care for kids is a model

794

:

that we would like to follow as parents.

795

:

I mean, that is not necessarily

that is from white culture, but

796

:

it's something that we're learning

from other cultures and see the

797

:

value of generational loving care.

798

:

Um, so, so We see that, you know, the

other folks get treated differently,

799

:

um, by the system itself or by, by the,

uh, you know, admins of the system.

800

:

But the other, the thing we have

actually experienced is that,

801

:

um, bio parents are very hesitant

about us at times as queer parents.

802

:

Bio parents in New York want to have,

you know, a mom and a dad for their

803

:

kid or the, you know, but once they

get to know us and they see that

804

:

we really love the kids and their

kids are treated well and safe.

805

:

We moved past that very quickly,

but we have had some funny, awkward

806

:

conversations about sexuality, um, with

our kids parents, and it's been very

807

:

respectful, and it's, and we've built

ties with them, but that has been a

808

:

thing that we've learned a lot from.

809

:

Tony Tidbit: Number one,

thank you for sharing that.

810

:

Let me ask you this.

811

:

I mean, I know it's different.

812

:

Then I'm going to go to you, Dr.

813

:

Burton.

814

:

So in terms, you have four kids, right?

815

:

Different ratio makeup.

816

:

How do you, and then look, I get

it that they're coming maybe out of

817

:

a situation that's not that great.

818

:

Um, how do you, how do you

talk about we're a family?

819

:

BEP Narrator: If you like what you hear

and want to join us on this journey

820

:

of making uncomfortable conversations

comfortable, I'd Please subscribe to

821

:

a Black Executive Perspective podcast

on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, Spotify,

822

:

or wherever you get your podcasts.

823

:

Hit subscribe now to stay connected

for more episodes that challenge,

824

:

inspire and lead the change.

825

:

Tony Tidbit: How do you, you know,

nobody looks each, nobody looks

826

:

like each one another, right?

827

:

You guys, same sex.

828

:

Talk about how you create that,

that, that love and, and because

829

:

they go to school, let's be fair.

830

:

Right?

831

:

And they're loving you guys

and they see you mom and this.

832

:

So talk a little bit about

the conversations that you

833

:

have with the kids, right?

834

:

To, to reinforce that this is a family.

835

:

This is no different than any other

family love and stuff to that nature.

836

:

I love to hear you guys feedback on that.

837

:

Aubree Henderson: Yeah.

838

:

I love this question.

839

:

I think, um, I mean, we spend a

lot of time and energy on this.

840

:

I think a big part of it for me And this

is how I think about foster parenting in

841

:

general, is that like, we very much view

ourselves as therapeutic parents, right?

842

:

It's above and beyond.

843

:

I think when, you know, when it's

a different experience than when

844

:

somebody gives birth to a child and

has that child for, you know, has that

845

:

connection from the beginning and not

to say that that type of parenthood

846

:

is not without its challenges.

847

:

It certainly is.

848

:

But I think there is a way that we try to

be intentional about being therapeutic.

849

:

And it's very much in

the same way that like.

850

:

If someone attended a support group,

you begin to feel a kinship with the

851

:

people in that support group, even

if you've all come from different

852

:

backgrounds, because you are coming

together to a supportive healing space.

853

:

And that's what I really

want our home to be like.

854

:

And that's what it ends up

feeling like, I think, for our

855

:

kids, from what they've shared.

856

:

A lot of that comes from creating

shared traditions together.

857

:

Right.

858

:

We have, you know, for a long time,

we did pizza Friday in our house where

859

:

every Friday we would order pizza and

something like that feels really simple,

860

:

I think, but it's something that the

kids connect to and they say, Oh, this

861

:

is our shared tradition as our family.

862

:

Right.

863

:

We have many things like that,

where it's about saying, okay,

864

:

we're operating as a unit, right.

865

:

It's also about how we frame

ourselves as their caregivers, right.

866

:

It's that, you know, they don't have

to call us, you know, if they don't

867

:

want to, th first names, that's fine.

868

:

transition to wanting to I think because

they hear us mom, but that's a big had

869

:

that with one of our him off at school

and he And, and this is a kid who

870

:

normally I drop him off at school and

he cannot like get me out the door fast

871

:

enough, like does not want to say bye.

872

:

And he pointed to me talking to

his friend and said, that's my mom.

873

:

And that's like a huge milestone in

foster care and an adoption, right?

874

:

Is that moment of like, oh, this

child believes this and will go

875

:

into a social environment where

kids are relentlessly picked on.

876

:

I mean, like, correct kids, kids are,

you know, Mean to each other at times.

877

:

And so our kids, they

get picked on, right?

878

:

Our oldest son, he's 13.

879

:

He's a young black man.

880

:

He, his kids or his, his classmates, kids

in his class see us and are like, you

881

:

have two moms and they're white moms.

882

:

Like, are you kidding me?

883

:

Right.

884

:

And he, he feels a lot of

embarrassment around that, but I think.

885

:

For us, we don't shy away from that.

886

:

We want to talk to him about that.

887

:

We want to draw that out.

888

:

We want to say, what can

we do to support you?

889

:

We get the, we get what it

feels like to feel different.

890

:

We understand that in our own ways.

891

:

We want to support you.

892

:

And so it's it's a big part

of it is also about not shying

893

:

away from what's hard, right?

894

:

Not pretending that the difficult stuff

isn't there Not pretending that they

895

:

didn't all have a traumatic event that

caused them to be removed from their

896

:

biological family And maybe cycle

through multiple foster homes, right?

897

:

But acknowledging that and saying

like it's okay to feel all the

898

:

things that you feel about that.

899

:

You're safe here.

900

:

Tony Tidbit: That is awesome And

laura, I don't see if you want

901

:

to add anything too, but Aubree.

902

:

I got a follow up question Real

quickly So today, was it today

903

:

when you dropped him off at school?

904

:

And he said, you're my, this is my mother.

905

:

Okay.

906

:

How did that make you feel?

907

:

Aubree Henderson: There's

no better feeling.

908

:

I walked out of the school and I texted

Laura immediately like, Oh my God,

909

:

you're never going to believe this.

910

:

Right.

911

:

Because you, you also just see

the trajectory for kids, right?

912

:

They, they go from, you know, often kids

who are especially kids who have come from

913

:

foster care, but also kids from adoption.

914

:

Right.

915

:

There's trauma that is just inherent

in that that you're not in it.

916

:

That's true.

917

:

Whether you adopt a child as the

moment they're born, or 10 years in

918

:

right there, being separated from your

biological family is a traumatic event.

919

:

And so for our kids, there's just

there's a process where they're gonna.

920

:

Protect themselves by being quickly

by pushing you away by saying some of

921

:

just, I mean, we've heard some of the

meanest stuff from our kids, but we

922

:

know at the end of the day that they're

testing to see if we'll stick around.

923

:

Right.

924

:

That's what it is.

925

:

And so

926

:

Tony Tidbit: true.

927

:

It is.

928

:

So there's

929

:

Aubree Henderson: that feeling of like,

Oh my God, he, he believes that I'm

930

:

going to keep dropping him off at school

and every day saying, Hey, I love you.

931

:

Have a good day.

932

:

Even if he doesn't say it back, it's

not conditional on him saying it back.

933

:

Right.

934

:

And so there's something really deeply

rewarding and like nourishing and

935

:

healing for me as a parent to really

feel that like, Oh, he believed it.

936

:

That

937

:

Tony Tidbit: is awesome.

938

:

Laura, I would

939

:

Laura Henderson: just say, you know,

like, It's not a zero sum game.

940

:

It's not us versus the

biological parents, right?

941

:

So our kids will always miss and

long for their moms, their bio moms.

942

:

And as some of them we have a relationship

with and we see them all the time

943

:

or we have, You know, structured

court mandated visits with, right?

944

:

So some of them see their

families all the time.

945

:

And, and our kids who don't

grieve that all the time,

946

:

and it comes up all the time.

947

:

And it's, it's not, that doesn't hurt me.

948

:

That doesn't mean they love me less.

949

:

That means they wish desperately that we

all could be together in one happy family.

950

:

You know, like one of our

kids used to ask, like, Can

951

:

my mom just move in with us?

952

:

Like, why can't she live here, too?

953

:

And I think some of that is is

a recognition in like child My

954

:

mom needs safety and love, too.

955

:

So what I'm getting, she needs.

956

:

Um, and so, this is about, you

know, like, foster care and adoption

957

:

is about expanding families,

not, you know, it should not be

958

:

about separating or keeping away.

959

:

from certain members of the family.

960

:

Tony Tidbit: You guys gonna make

me cry on this show here, right?

961

:

I'm trying not to, okay?

962

:

But this is beautiful.

963

:

Dr.

964

:

Burton, talk a little bit about,

you know, the conversation or the

965

:

communication that you have with your

daughter in terms of family and, you

966

:

know, did you tell her she was adopted?

967

:

I would love to hear that.

968

:

Dr. Nsenga Burton: Oh yeah, yeah.

969

:

I told her, um, my Kai is very bright.

970

:

And, um, I told her from the very

beginning that, um, cause you know,

971

:

they come home and they talk about, Oh,

mommy, when I was in your belly, right?

972

:

Yeah, exactly.

973

:

Tony Tidbit: Exactly.

974

:

Dr. Nsenga Burton: Right.

975

:

And so I said, no, no, some of

the, you know, some babies grow

976

:

in their mommy's bellies, other

babies grow in their mommy's hearts.

977

:

Right?

978

:

And so that's how we

started the conversation.

979

:

And, um, I've always told

her that she was adopted.

980

:

Um, yeah.

981

:

Her biological mom would have closed

adoption, but I pushed for an open

982

:

adoption because I just feel like

kids need to know where they come

983

:

from, where they got their face from.

984

:

You also want to know medical history

because in the adoption process, they

985

:

do ask, but they only go back to, like,

they'll ask about the parents and the

986

:

grandparents, but they'll ask about aunts

and uncles and all that kind of stuff.

987

:

And, um.

988

:

So, I just thought it was just a

better idea to at least be able to

989

:

contact her, which was great because

we've actually, because I push for it.

990

:

We're actually great friends now.

991

:

And, um, uh, we share time and space

together and all the things and we

992

:

have phone calls and FaceTime calls

and all the things like that too.

993

:

And so when I talk to my daughter, you

know, you want to do it when it's age

994

:

appropriate, like you have to use age

appropriate language and what have you.

995

:

Um, but she knows I'm mom.

996

:

And, um, I love her unconditionally.

997

:

She loves me unconditionally.

998

:

It's just us.

999

:

So we're super tight.

:

00:49:48,450 --> 00:49:53,010

Um, it's funny, uh, because we

have such a strong bond, you know,

:

00:49:53,010 --> 00:49:54,440

that even other people can see.

:

00:49:54,960 --> 00:49:59,509

And, um, so I think I'm very blessed

in that way because I know even

:

00:49:59,510 --> 00:50:02,560

people who have biological children

sometimes don't bond with them ever.

:

00:50:02,909 --> 00:50:05,269

And sometimes not for years

at a time or what happened.

:

00:50:05,669 --> 00:50:06,629

She just always had it.

:

00:50:06,629 --> 00:50:10,199

She just came to me and she's

been with me, um, ever since.

:

00:50:10,279 --> 00:50:10,779

So.

:

00:50:11,070 --> 00:50:12,740

You know, we talk very transparently.

:

00:50:12,760 --> 00:50:15,520

Her brother, she's a biological

brother who was born after her.

:

00:50:15,850 --> 00:50:17,100

My friends adopted him.

:

00:50:17,460 --> 00:50:22,120

So when you talk about expanding families,

Laura, you are not like it is true.

:

00:50:22,120 --> 00:50:26,220

So now we have this, well, we call

it the Kumbaya effect where we're all

:

00:50:26,240 --> 00:50:27,920

together, they 10 minutes from me.

:

00:50:28,190 --> 00:50:30,660

We do, um, some holidays together.

:

00:50:30,670 --> 00:50:31,759

We have play dates.

:

00:50:31,780 --> 00:50:35,890

We're in the same Jack and Jill group,

um, chapter, all the things we, we

:

00:50:35,890 --> 00:50:39,700

just kind of do together to make sure

that we keep them together, even though

:

00:50:39,700 --> 00:50:41,180

they live in separate households.

:

00:50:41,220 --> 00:50:41,550

Right.

:

00:50:41,900 --> 00:50:48,480

So, um, it's just, about honesty,

transparency, and making sure that the

:

00:50:48,480 --> 00:50:51,200

language that you use is age appropriate.

:

00:50:51,480 --> 00:50:55,400

And, you know, never, um, I never

want her, you know, her mother,

:

00:50:55,550 --> 00:50:58,760

biological mother gave me the

greatest gift I've ever had.

:

00:50:59,310 --> 00:51:03,649

So I never want her to think poorly

of her because I also understand that

:

00:51:03,759 --> 00:51:07,470

she'll also think poorly of herself

because that's how our psychology works.

:

00:51:08,080 --> 00:51:11,590

Um, and so I always

try to uplift, inspire.

:

00:51:11,925 --> 00:51:16,355

And make sure that we have positive

interactions, um, at all times.

:

00:51:17,325 --> 00:51:21,115

Tony Tidbit: That is, I mean, again, I

mean, you guys gonna push me over the

:

00:51:21,125 --> 00:51:23,465

top and tons of tears in a minute, right?

:

00:51:23,785 --> 00:51:27,815

I was trying to hold back and then

Dr Burton, Oh my God, you know what

:

00:51:27,815 --> 00:51:33,914

I'm learning and I'm going to your

specific journey, Dr Burton, you

:

00:51:33,915 --> 00:51:39,445

know, when you said that, um, she

wanted to close adoption and you

:

00:51:39,465 --> 00:51:41,565

push for an open adoption, right?

:

00:51:42,025 --> 00:51:46,280

And The good news is, is luckily you

did because at the end of the day,

:

00:51:46,520 --> 00:51:51,300

we're all human beings and what we

think we want or we would never do

:

00:51:51,310 --> 00:51:54,730

one day, we end up changing, right?

:

00:51:54,969 --> 00:51:59,189

And, you know, I've heard

stories of people who had closed

:

00:51:59,190 --> 00:52:04,120

adoptions, but then later on, they

want to find their biological.

:

00:52:04,290 --> 00:52:05,290

Kids, right?

:

00:52:05,540 --> 00:52:08,470

And then the parent, uh, agreed to that.

:

00:52:08,760 --> 00:52:12,619

The adopted parent and now is an

issue because now they might not

:

00:52:12,620 --> 00:52:15,960

have told them that they were adopted

because it was a closed thing.

:

00:52:16,290 --> 00:52:19,409

And now this opens up a

whole can of worms, right?

:

00:52:19,689 --> 00:52:22,639

And so I love the way you,

you, you really push for that.

:

00:52:22,639 --> 00:52:26,890

But more importantly, I love from all

of you guys about the transparency The

:

00:52:26,890 --> 00:52:31,760

communication, you know, being intentional

as you were saying, you know, Lauren

:

00:52:31,760 --> 00:52:36,939

Aubree about dealing with these issues

that come up and not running from them.

:

00:52:37,280 --> 00:52:40,630

Because a lot of times when we try

to hide, and I don't want to use

:

00:52:40,630 --> 00:52:45,049

the word hide, but when we try to,

you know, deflect or don't bring up

:

00:52:45,050 --> 00:52:48,780

certain things or don't deal with

them, uh, any type of confrontation

:

00:52:48,780 --> 00:52:51,050

right off the bat, it only gets bigger.

:

00:52:51,075 --> 00:52:51,545

Right.

:

00:52:51,765 --> 00:52:55,515

And it turns into something that could

have been handled from the get go.

:

00:52:55,515 --> 00:52:58,055

So the question I have for you

guys is we get ready to close.

:

00:52:58,485 --> 00:53:01,955

I want to hear from each of you

because they're I think Dr Burton,

:

00:53:01,975 --> 00:53:06,194

you said yesterday, 400, 000 kids

that are waiting to be adopted.

:

00:53:06,194 --> 00:53:09,074

And I think is that correct

or something of that nature?

:

00:53:09,474 --> 00:53:12,940

I believe only 10 percent of

kids end up Half a million.

:

00:53:13,120 --> 00:53:16,210

Only 10 percent of kids end

up getting adopted when you

:

00:53:16,210 --> 00:53:17,900

break down the ratio barriers.

:

00:53:18,270 --> 00:53:24,310

It becomes even smaller than that based

on outside of for people of color.

:

00:53:24,610 --> 00:53:29,240

Um, you know, the foster

home, um, mechanism is insane.

:

00:53:29,579 --> 00:53:32,820

Um, there's a ton of kids that are

in foster home because parents.

:

00:53:33,345 --> 00:53:36,455

For whatever reason, and back

to your initial point, Dr.

:

00:53:36,455 --> 00:53:40,125

Burton, when you were like, look, I,

I didn't, I didn't want a husband,

:

00:53:40,345 --> 00:53:42,175

but I knew I wanted a baby, right?

:

00:53:42,175 --> 00:53:45,665

And there's people who have babies

and then end up don't wanting them.

:

00:53:46,005 --> 00:53:46,585

Okay.

:

00:53:46,585 --> 00:53:48,744

Or they can barely take

care of themselves.

:

00:53:48,744 --> 00:53:51,845

And then they, they end up having children

and they can't take care of the children.

:

00:53:51,845 --> 00:53:52,245

Right.

:

00:53:52,895 --> 00:53:57,165

And so I would love for you guys

to tell the audience why from an

:

00:53:57,165 --> 00:54:03,355

adoption standpoint, from a, uh,

a foster home standpoint, why.

:

00:54:03,595 --> 00:54:08,785

What advice would you give them and why

this could be a, a, a, a great alternative

:

00:54:09,075 --> 00:54:14,884

for them, regardless if they have

biological kids or regardless if they want

:

00:54:14,884 --> 00:54:16,805

to, you know, they, they don't have kids.

:

00:54:16,875 --> 00:54:18,634

Uh, I'll, I'll start

with you first, Laura.

:

00:54:18,884 --> 00:54:22,544

Laura Henderson: I mean, the easy

answer is there's no greater joy.

:

00:54:22,604 --> 00:54:27,525

I mean, it's, I'm corny when it comes

to this about why you should foster or

:

00:54:27,525 --> 00:54:34,620

adopt it to love, fall in love with a

human being who's not Your kin who's

:

00:54:34,620 --> 00:54:40,430

not your blood and make them your

blood and kin is, um, a heart expanding

:

00:54:40,450 --> 00:54:43,610

project, and it has so much joy.

:

00:54:43,890 --> 00:54:49,429

And, uh, we often get asked, you

know, I have other kids, is it going

:

00:54:49,429 --> 00:54:52,060

to be okay if we foster or adopt?

:

00:54:52,070 --> 00:54:53,560

And our answer is yes!

:

00:54:53,850 --> 00:55:00,380

And show them, model for them that

experience too, that our family can add.

:

00:55:00,685 --> 00:55:04,015

To us in this way and can grow in love.

:

00:55:04,025 --> 00:55:06,875

So it's just it's the best experience.

:

00:55:06,875 --> 00:55:09,295

That's the easy short answer

:

00:55:09,765 --> 00:55:10,335

Tony Tidbit: Awesome.

:

00:55:10,425 --> 00:55:11,025

Awesome.

:

00:55:11,225 --> 00:55:11,475

Dr.

:

00:55:11,475 --> 00:55:11,945

Burton.

:

00:55:12,925 --> 00:55:14,005

Dr. Nsenga Burton: Um, yeah

:

00:55:17,145 --> 00:55:21,595

I think I want to say 2 things I didn't

say before for people who are thinking

:

00:55:21,605 --> 00:55:26,705

about adopting 1 of which is that

there is a cut off sometimes at age 50.

:

00:55:26,814 --> 00:55:30,765

so you really said I was joking about

her pushing me along or whatever.

:

00:55:30,765 --> 00:55:34,495

But for adoption agencies, the 50 is the

cut off in the United States, typically

:

00:55:34,755 --> 00:55:36,155

when they won't let you adopt anymore.

:

00:55:36,495 --> 00:55:39,735

And you also have to go through health

screenings to make sure that you're going

:

00:55:39,735 --> 00:55:41,155

to be around to actually take care of the.

:

00:55:41,330 --> 00:55:43,990

The child, and then you have

to have a will and a succession

:

00:55:43,990 --> 00:55:45,360

plan if anything happens to you.

:

00:55:45,680 --> 00:55:48,900

So do those, those 3 things have to

be in place in order for you to adopt.

:

00:55:49,329 --> 00:55:53,989

But what I will say for, um, black

people, we've been doing this our whole

:

00:55:53,989 --> 00:55:55,670

lives, especially in this country.

:

00:55:55,670 --> 00:55:57,830

Actually, before we got

here, but certainly in this

:

00:55:57,830 --> 00:55:59,769

country, taking in children.

:

00:56:00,835 --> 00:56:04,285

We were separated from whether we

talk about slavery, whether we talk

:

00:56:04,295 --> 00:56:07,905

about, you know, Jim Crow laws and

people being incarcerated unjustly.

:

00:56:07,905 --> 00:56:10,504

And you know, you got a whole

family that has to be taken care of.

:

00:56:10,504 --> 00:56:14,315

Whether you talk about people losing a

home to a fire at a time of black people

:

00:56:14,374 --> 00:56:17,545

couldn't get insurance, which people don't

talk about those things we couldn't get.

:

00:56:17,954 --> 00:56:19,784

Um, and so there's no

way to replace the home.

:

00:56:19,784 --> 00:56:22,444

So you can afford to buy another

one or build another one and

:

00:56:22,444 --> 00:56:24,074

taking in whole families for that.

:

00:56:24,084 --> 00:56:27,034

So we've been doing this

work our entire lives.

:

00:56:27,384 --> 00:56:28,744

So we are actually.

:

00:56:29,675 --> 00:56:36,225

ready to be foster parents ready to

be adopted parents because we take

:

00:56:36,295 --> 00:56:39,255

people in kids in all the time.

:

00:56:39,265 --> 00:56:40,505

That is part of our culture.

:

00:56:40,885 --> 00:56:42,004

Um, and it doesn't matter.

:

00:56:42,004 --> 00:56:45,955

Just like Laura, I think I think it

was Laura who said it Caribbean folk.

:

00:56:46,150 --> 00:56:49,410

African folk, anywhere from the

continent of Africa, any country,

:

00:56:49,410 --> 00:56:54,470

pick one, the United States, the

UK, we do this all over the world.

:

00:56:54,510 --> 00:56:56,560

It is part of who we are as a people.

:

00:56:56,910 --> 00:57:02,480

So don't think of it as something

different and don't, um, map, um,

:

00:57:02,490 --> 00:57:06,675

white patriarchal, uh, Biblical

constructions onto your life.

:

00:57:07,395 --> 00:57:08,765

This is who we are.

:

00:57:08,795 --> 00:57:10,265

This is what we do.

:

00:57:10,555 --> 00:57:16,115

And we should not let that be defined

by these, um, other, um, and I hate

:

00:57:16,115 --> 00:57:20,884

the other people, but by these, uh,

systems of power that make us go

:

00:57:20,885 --> 00:57:22,505

against who we are and what we do.

:

00:57:23,035 --> 00:57:24,865

Um, and so I say this to you.

:

00:57:25,215 --> 00:57:26,365

We do this anyway.

:

00:57:26,575 --> 00:57:27,185

Why not?

:

00:57:27,215 --> 00:57:31,965

If you can afford it again, if you

are mentally and physically healthy,

:

00:57:32,335 --> 00:57:37,484

um, if you are full of love and

kindness and patience and compassion

:

00:57:37,505 --> 00:57:44,395

and empathy, adopt a child, foster a

child, um, and help, help children out.

:

00:57:44,425 --> 00:57:49,715

Um, I have a friend now her, her,

uh, son's girlfriend is, um, in a, an

:

00:57:49,725 --> 00:57:51,925

orphanage, you know, uh, in an orphanage.

:

00:57:51,955 --> 00:57:53,845

And so she's helping her.

:

00:57:55,250 --> 00:57:56,030

Go to college.

:

00:57:56,040 --> 00:57:59,110

She's helping her have a place

to stay when she ages out.

:

00:57:59,110 --> 00:58:00,480

A lot of kids age out of the system.

:

00:58:00,490 --> 00:58:04,230

You can help them then if you can't help

them now, give them a place to stay.

:

00:58:04,270 --> 00:58:05,000

I know in the A.

:

00:58:05,010 --> 00:58:05,200

U.

:

00:58:05,200 --> 00:58:05,459

C.

:

00:58:05,459 --> 00:58:10,849

they have, um, a program where kids who

have aged out of the system and they don't

:

00:58:10,849 --> 00:58:15,050

have places to go during the holidays

where they can come and be together and,

:

00:58:15,170 --> 00:58:17,450

uh, be with families during the holiday.

:

00:58:17,450 --> 00:58:19,580

So there are different ways that

you can help in different ways

:

00:58:19,580 --> 00:58:20,739

that you can be a part of these.

:

00:58:21,895 --> 00:58:26,325

These, uh, systems or, um, to meet these

needs where you don't have to necessarily

:

00:58:26,325 --> 00:58:30,325

become a foster parent per se, or an

adoptive parent, um, but there are ways

:

00:58:30,325 --> 00:58:34,755

that you can support children, um, through

the different stages of their lives.

:

00:58:35,075 --> 00:58:38,124

So just kind of think creatively

about it as well, particularly

:

00:58:38,124 --> 00:58:40,945

because we're already doing this work.

:

00:58:41,555 --> 00:58:42,495

Tony Tidbit: Right, right.

:

00:58:42,765 --> 00:58:44,565

Aubree, you get the last word.

:

00:58:44,985 --> 00:58:47,645

Aubree Henderson: Yeah, I think I

love so much of what's been said.

:

00:58:47,865 --> 00:58:49,375

I think I would just add.

:

00:58:50,090 --> 00:58:54,850

You know, from a queer perspective, like

Laura was saying earlier, there is just

:

00:58:54,850 --> 00:59:00,719

something so special and so meaningful

about this expansive idea of family and of

:

00:59:00,719 --> 00:59:06,825

chosen family that I think is part of what

makes You know, we all sort of have had a

:

00:59:06,875 --> 00:59:11,215

different exposure to it where, you know,

adoption, foster care are like part of

:

00:59:11,215 --> 00:59:14,064

our normal maps for how family is created.

:

00:59:14,065 --> 00:59:14,675

But I think.

:

00:59:15,115 --> 00:59:18,065

If even if you're entering into it from

a place where you haven't been exposed

:

00:59:18,065 --> 00:59:22,874

to that, you haven't experienced that

just inviting people into a space

:

00:59:22,874 --> 00:59:26,245

where you think more expansively

about what family means to you, right?

:

00:59:26,245 --> 00:59:29,085

What it means to have a

family and to create a family.

:

00:59:29,125 --> 00:59:32,255

And I think, you know,

I, I grew up very much.

:

00:59:32,264 --> 00:59:32,645

I grew up.

:

00:59:32,930 --> 00:59:39,520

Um, Dr Burton also as the child of an

only parent and who was, you know, as I

:

00:59:39,520 --> 00:59:41,840

described, was always kind of taking in.

:

00:59:42,485 --> 00:59:45,845

People who needed to be taken in,

whether that was literally come

:

00:59:45,845 --> 00:59:48,835

live with us, whether that was

just come be safe in our home.

:

00:59:49,485 --> 00:59:55,335

And I like the idea that like that I'm

continuing that in my family and in

:

00:59:55,345 --> 00:59:56,885

the way I'm creating my family now.

:

00:59:56,885 --> 01:00:01,135

And I know that my kids are going

to grow up to have a similar outlook

:

01:00:01,135 --> 01:00:05,275

and view because of what they have

experienced being a part of our family.

:

01:00:05,295 --> 01:00:09,415

And so I think to me, it's, yeah,

it is rejecting that sort of like

:

01:00:09,445 --> 01:00:14,800

white hetero patriarchal conception

of like the nuclear family that, you

:

01:00:14,800 --> 01:00:16,380

know, can only look a certain way.

:

01:00:16,380 --> 01:00:21,140

And I think as queer people too, like

we know a lot of us get ejected from

:

01:00:21,140 --> 01:00:23,950

our families because of who we are.

:

01:00:23,970 --> 01:00:28,430

And, you know, that's not what's happened

for any of our children, but you know, you

:

01:00:28,430 --> 01:00:32,260

know what that, you know what that pain is

as a queer person to be rejected in that

:

01:00:32,260 --> 01:00:37,150

way, or to be separate from your family

and to, you know, be able to provide

:

01:00:37,150 --> 01:00:39,050

care and to provide love and safety.

:

01:00:39,795 --> 01:00:42,464

For kids is really,

there's nothing like it.

:

01:00:43,745 --> 01:00:44,775

Tony Tidbit: That is awesome.

:

01:00:45,005 --> 01:00:47,905

So listen, I said, I had,

I got one final question.

:

01:00:48,595 --> 01:00:50,135

I'm going to ask you guys a question.

:

01:00:50,235 --> 01:00:51,545

I want one word.

:

01:00:51,795 --> 01:00:53,165

I don't want nothing else.

:

01:00:53,575 --> 01:00:56,305

I want you to answer it with one word.

:

01:00:56,665 --> 01:00:57,315

Okay.

:

01:00:58,325 --> 01:01:06,095

Based on your experience, your

journey, the ups, downs, good, bad.

:

01:01:06,845 --> 01:01:08,295

From adopting Dr.

:

01:01:08,295 --> 01:01:14,885

Burton to foster parenting, um, from

the Hendersons, what is the one word?

:

01:01:15,715 --> 01:01:19,145

throughout that journey

that you will say about it.

:

01:01:19,655 --> 01:01:20,935

I'll start with Laura first.

:

01:01:20,935 --> 01:01:21,405

One word.

:

01:01:24,405 --> 01:01:24,985

All right.

:

01:01:25,575 --> 01:01:26,285

Aubree.

:

01:01:27,295 --> 01:01:27,795

Dr. Nsenga Burton: Healing.

:

01:01:29,575 --> 01:01:30,165

Tony Tidbit: All right.

:

01:01:30,235 --> 01:01:30,515

Dr.

:

01:01:30,515 --> 01:01:30,885

Burton

:

01:01:31,405 --> 01:01:32,225

Dr. Nsenga Burton: resiliency.

:

01:01:33,905 --> 01:01:34,495

Tony Tidbit: I love it.

:

01:01:34,505 --> 01:01:34,895

Hope.

:

01:01:35,235 --> 01:01:36,905

Oh, I love it.

:

01:01:37,055 --> 01:01:38,365

You guys just killed it.

:

01:01:38,765 --> 01:01:39,685

You killed it.

:

01:01:39,745 --> 01:01:40,425

I loved it.

:

01:01:40,425 --> 01:01:44,905

And you encapsulated in those

one words, this whole episode

:

01:01:45,465 --> 01:01:47,585

about adoption foster care.

:

01:01:47,585 --> 01:01:49,365

So I want to thank you.

:

01:01:49,665 --> 01:01:53,655

From the deep depths of my heart

for you guys coming on a Black

:

01:01:53,655 --> 01:01:58,185

Executive Perspective podcast, sharing

your journey, sharing your story,

:

01:01:58,205 --> 01:02:01,195

educating our audience on this topic.

:

01:02:01,335 --> 01:02:03,745

And I don't want you to go anywhere

else because you guys are going to

:

01:02:03,755 --> 01:02:05,975

help us with our call to action.

:

01:02:06,485 --> 01:02:11,065

So I think it's now

time for Tony's Tidbit.

:

01:02:11,265 --> 01:02:11,565

All right.

:

01:02:11,565 --> 01:02:13,255

So the tidbit today is this.

:

01:02:13,945 --> 01:02:16,745

Every adoption story is a tale of turning.

:

01:02:16,985 --> 01:02:23,585

Waiting into welcoming challenges into

cherishing while adopting one child

:

01:02:23,585 --> 01:02:29,515

won't change the world for that child,

their entitled world will change.

:

01:02:30,295 --> 01:02:34,935

And you heard a lot of that today

from our fabulous guests, so I

:

01:02:34,935 --> 01:02:36,615

don't want you to forget this.

:

01:02:36,750 --> 01:02:41,270

To always check out every

Thursday, need to know with Dr.

:

01:02:41,270 --> 01:02:42,330

Nsenga Burton.

:

01:02:42,550 --> 01:02:46,250

You don't want to miss it on the Black

Executive Perspective Podcast with Dr.

:

01:02:46,250 --> 01:02:49,810

Burton dives into timely and

crucial topics that shape

:

01:02:49,810 --> 01:02:51,160

our community and our world.

:

01:02:51,480 --> 01:02:55,589

Tune in to gain unique insights and

deep understanding of the issues.

:

01:02:55,590 --> 01:02:58,300

That matter every Thursday on

a black executive perspective

:

01:02:58,620 --> 01:02:59,910

need to know with Dr.

:

01:02:59,910 --> 01:03:00,650

Nsenga.

:

01:03:00,820 --> 01:03:05,500

I hope you enjoyed today's episode,

becoming family, the challenges

:

01:03:05,500 --> 01:03:07,630

and triumphs of adoptive parenting.

:

01:03:07,950 --> 01:03:11,780

And so now it's time for

BEP's call to action.

:

01:03:12,020 --> 01:03:12,800

Our goal.

:

01:03:13,085 --> 01:03:18,285

is to decrease all forms of

discrimination, and we call that LESS.

:

01:03:18,735 --> 01:03:24,765

L E S S and our esteemed guests are

going to help us with our call to action.

:

01:03:24,765 --> 01:03:25,115

Aubree.

:

01:03:25,705 --> 01:03:29,855

Aubree Henderson: So L is for learn

or educate yourself on racial and

:

01:03:29,855 --> 01:03:33,925

cultural nuances and the shout out I

would give here is we've heard a lot

:

01:03:33,925 --> 01:03:38,185

from the perspective of adoptive and

foster parents, um, which is awesome.

:

01:03:38,540 --> 01:03:41,530

I would encourage folks who want to

learn more to seek out perspectives

:

01:03:41,530 --> 01:03:45,770

from adoptees from people who have

been adopted, who have been through

:

01:03:45,770 --> 01:03:47,520

that experience from that perspective.

:

01:03:47,520 --> 01:03:48,720

There's there's lots out there.

:

01:03:48,720 --> 01:03:49,580

If you just search.

:

01:03:49,960 --> 01:03:51,340

adoptee perspective.

:

01:03:51,770 --> 01:03:54,760

Um, you'll find a lot and

you know, sit with that.

:

01:03:54,800 --> 01:03:58,730

It can be really challenging, but I

think that that is really helpful.

:

01:03:59,490 --> 01:04:01,540

Laura Henderson: E is for empathy.

:

01:04:01,780 --> 01:04:04,940

Empathy helps understand

diverse perspectives.

:

01:04:04,990 --> 01:04:07,230

Empathy for me is about learning.

:

01:04:07,775 --> 01:04:09,845

It's about imagination.

:

01:04:10,095 --> 01:04:14,615

As we grow our ability to imagine

what it's like in somebody else's

:

01:04:14,615 --> 01:04:19,945

shoes, we can be more kind, more

caring, create a more generous world.

:

01:04:19,965 --> 01:04:21,815

So E is for empathy.

:

01:04:22,625 --> 01:04:24,475

Dr. Nsenga Burton: S is

for share your insights.

:

01:04:24,680 --> 01:04:26,090

And enlighten others.

:

01:04:26,529 --> 01:04:32,020

So, I mean, you've heard this

podcast, um, you know, you've gotten

:

01:04:32,040 --> 01:04:35,710

inside information that you may not

have had before you had access to.

:

01:04:35,710 --> 01:04:37,470

So make sure you share it with people.

:

01:04:37,760 --> 01:04:39,480

Make sure you share the positive.

:

01:04:39,730 --> 01:04:41,810

And I know I came with some

of the negative, Tony, I

:

01:04:41,810 --> 01:04:42,900

didn't mean to shake you up.

:

01:04:42,900 --> 01:04:49,989

Tony Tidbit: But

:

01:04:49,990 --> 01:04:52,430

Dr. Nsenga Burton: the reason is

because we share, we want to be

:

01:04:52,430 --> 01:04:54,920

transparent and we want to make sure

that you have as much information.

:

01:04:56,140 --> 01:04:59,130

In this limited amount of time,

um, to help you understand better,

:

01:04:59,190 --> 01:05:03,970

understand foster care, fostering, uh,

uh, children and adopting children.

:

01:05:04,750 --> 01:05:05,550

Tony Tidbit: Absolutely.

:

01:05:05,550 --> 01:05:07,410

And then the final S is for stop.

:

01:05:07,790 --> 01:05:10,850

You want to stop discrimination

as it walks in your path.

:

01:05:11,070 --> 01:05:13,880

So if Aunt Jenny says something

at the Thanksgiving table, that's

:

01:05:13,880 --> 01:05:16,150

inappropriate, you say Aunt Jenny.

:

01:05:16,425 --> 01:05:20,775

We don't say that we don't believe

that and you stop it immediately.

:

01:05:20,955 --> 01:05:24,765

So if everyone is listening to a

black executive perspective, podcast

:

01:05:25,005 --> 01:05:28,495

can incorporate less L E S S.

:

01:05:28,795 --> 01:05:32,665

We'll build a more fair and

more understanding world.

:

01:05:32,904 --> 01:05:36,165

And more importantly, we'll

all be able to see the change.

:

01:05:36,710 --> 01:05:40,650

That we want to see because

less will become more.

:

01:05:41,060 --> 01:05:44,140

So remember to catch the next episode

of black executive perspective

:

01:05:44,140 --> 01:05:47,090

podcast, wherever you get your podcast.

:

01:05:47,090 --> 01:05:51,140

And you can follow us on our

socials of LinkedIn, YouTube,

:

01:05:51,340 --> 01:05:53,910

X, Facebook, and Instagram.

:

01:05:54,240 --> 01:05:57,840

At a black exec for

our fabulous guest, Dr.

:

01:05:57,840 --> 01:06:02,480

Nsenga Burton for Lauren Aubree

Henderson, who came with the magic

:

01:06:02,480 --> 01:06:04,830

and the love and the sharing today.

:

01:06:05,040 --> 01:06:06,310

I'm Tony tidbit.

:

01:06:06,550 --> 01:06:08,050

We learned about it today.

:

01:06:08,050 --> 01:06:09,230

We talked about it.

:

01:06:09,480 --> 01:06:10,470

I love you.

:

01:06:10,650 --> 01:06:11,410

And guess what?

:

01:06:11,540 --> 01:06:12,029

We're out

:

01:06:16,510 --> 01:06:19,090

BEP Narrator: a black

executive perspective.

Chapters

Video

More from YouTube