In today's fast-paced educational landscape, educators often find themselves juggling numerous responsibilities, leading to stress, burnout, and a struggle to prioritize their own well-being. In episode 132 of "Educate & Rejuvenate: The Podcast," teacher burnout coach Barb Flowers and host Kelsey Sorensen shed light on the critical role of setting boundaries in the context of teaching and personal life.
Welcome to episode 132 of educate and rejuvenate
Speaker:the podcast, creating and honoring boundaries with Barb
Speaker:Flowers. Do you get sucked into checking emails or responding to
Speaker:messages 247 or just feel like you can never
Speaker:honor yourself and what your needs are when it comes to
Speaker:other people? Today, I'm interviewing teacher burnout coach Barb
Speaker:Flowers at all, and we're talking all about how to create boundaries
Speaker:and how to actually stick with them, which is one of the big keys to
Speaker:having boundaries. So let's get to it.
Speaker:Welcome to educate and rejuvenate, the podcast to help you
Speaker:revitalize your teaching, renew your spirit, and reignite your
Speaker:passion for life. I'm your host, Kelsey Sorensen, a former
Speaker:teacher, current homeschool mom, published author, and certified life
Speaker:coach. Whether you are a teacher in a traditional classroom, homeschool
Speaker:from your kitchen table, or anywhere in between, I am on a mission to help
Speaker:you not only survive as an educator, but thrive. Get
Speaker:ready to up level your skills with incredible insights from guest experts
Speaker:and discover the missing piece, rejuvenating yourself. Are
Speaker:you ready to both educate and rejuvenate? Let's
Speaker:go.
Speaker:I am so excited to have Barb on the show today. She is
Speaker:a fellow certified life coach for educators. She's the host of the
Speaker:teacher burnout podcast and also the principal's
Speaker:handbook podcast because she has been a teacher. She's also now
Speaker:an administrator and a certified life coach for educators
Speaker:and administrators. So super cool, and we are so lucky to
Speaker:have her as one of our speakers at Educate and Rejuvenate this year. She'll be
Speaker:teaching a session called energize your teaching, preventing burnout
Speaker:and staying inspired. Like, who needs that? We
Speaker:all wanna prevent burnout. We all wanna stay ignited and excited about
Speaker:what we do as teachers. So I'm so looking forward to that session. She's going
Speaker:to offer valuable tips about preventing burnout and strategies to
Speaker:reignite your passion for teaching, which is really part of what I love to do.
Speaker:Like, even my subtitle for my book is to revitalize your teaching, rejuvenate
Speaker:your spirit, and reignite your passion for life. So I feel like what she has
Speaker:to share really aligns with our mission. So I'm so excited to have her with
Speaker:us at Educate and Rejuvenate, but also here on the podcast today
Speaker:with you. So when we decided to do this interview, I
Speaker:had Barb fill out a form, schedule her interview, and she had a list of
Speaker:topics there. And the one that just screamed out to me was boundaries because it's
Speaker:a topic that has come up a lot in in our coaching instead of the
Speaker:educate and rejuvenate club, but I have not yet done a full podcast episode about
Speaker:it. I think it was mentioned during the self love challenge back in February, but
Speaker:we haven't done a full episode on it yet. So I was like, yes. We
Speaker:need to do this. We need to talk about boundaries. So I'm really excited for
Speaker:today's conversation. I feel like you'll probably gain some great insights on
Speaker:how you can create and honor boundaries in your own life. Now this episode is
Speaker:probably geared a bit more towards those who teach in a traditional setting. If you're
Speaker:a homeschool parent listening, guess what next episode is really geared
Speaker:towards you. We'll be talking all about the lies we tell ourselves as homeschool moms.
Speaker:So either today's episode or the next one will totally be for you. Granted, I
Speaker:feel like either way, you could definitely gain some insight from both episodes. Like today,
Speaker:we're going to talk about boundaries in the classroom setting, but also in life in
Speaker:general. So, if you are feeling the need
Speaker:to create and honor some boundaries in your life, no matter what, today's episode is
Speaker:for you. Like I said, we're gonna talk about it in everyday life, so you'll
Speaker:definitely get something out of it. K. Take that last bit off. Okay. So a
Speaker:little bit about Barb before we just dive in that
Speaker:she like I said, she has experience in education as an elementary
Speaker:principal and teacher. She's married with 2 kids in in elementary and
Speaker:2 step kids in high school and college. She has a PhD in k
Speaker:twelve leadership, and she's a certified life coach. So she knows what
Speaker:she's talking about. She loves supporting educators in improving their
Speaker:well-being and improving their professional skills. And
Speaker:so today, we're going to be talking all about boundaries together. So let's get to
Speaker:that interview.
Speaker:Okay. Welcome, Welcome, Barb, to educate and rejuvenate the podcast. I'm so
Speaker:excited to have you today. Thank you so much for having me on the podcast.
Speaker:I'm excited to be here. And I am so excited to have you on
Speaker:talking about today's topic of boundaries because that's one that's actually come
Speaker:up a lot, but I haven't even done an, like, an episode fully about it
Speaker:yet. I mean, it's been mentioned, but we haven't done a full episode on boundaries.
Speaker:And we're over a 100 episodes in. I'm like, how did this happen?
Speaker:Here we are. I'm so excited that we get to do it together. So first,
Speaker:Barb, how can you tell us? How would you define boundaries? Well, I
Speaker:look at boundaries as they're like your standards. Right? That's
Speaker:how you choose to live and where you set. I always think
Speaker:of a fence when I think of a boundary. Right? So where you put a
Speaker:fence up to when something's not okay or what your
Speaker:limits are. So when I think of boundaries, I think you can set
Speaker:boundaries around your time. You know, what are your limits on your time,
Speaker:you can set boundaries with your coworkers as an educator,
Speaker:you can set boundaries with administration and just
Speaker:setting boundaries and putting limits that work for you and
Speaker:what your capacity is as an educator, because we all have
Speaker:different capacities that we that we function at, and so you have to know
Speaker:what those limits are and where you need to put those boundaries. Absolutely.
Speaker:And one thing that I found is sometimes people think, like, a boundary,
Speaker:and I wanna see what your thoughts are on this. Like, they think a boundary
Speaker:is like, oh, I'm gonna tell you you can't do that. But that isn't
Speaker:exactly a boundary. Right? Right. Right. And so you
Speaker:have to know what works for yourself, and you can't, your
Speaker:boundaries are only things you can control. Like you can't
Speaker:focus on what people say to you because that's
Speaker:their boundaries and that's, you know, what they can control. You just
Speaker:have to control how you react and what limits you set on
Speaker:that. Exactly. So basic one might be like, and this isn't even in the classroom,
Speaker:but maybe just in general, like, hey. If you yell at me, I will leave
Speaker:the room, or I will hang up the phone, or I will go somewhere else.
Speaker:You can't tell them you can't yell at me, but this is what I'll do
Speaker:if you choose to do that. Correct. I think about myself. I set a
Speaker:boundary. I'm currently an elementary principal, and so when I have an angry
Speaker:parent and I find I'm getting nowhere, I set a boundary that this
Speaker:conversation is over and we'll have to have it at a different time because I
Speaker:won't let somebody scream at me and be rude to me. You know? So I
Speaker:think I can't control what they're saying or how they're thinking about me, but I
Speaker:can control to sit there and take that language toward me.
Speaker:So setting a boundary that way, I think, is huge. Yes. So it's not like
Speaker:you're like, okay. I'm not going to have this conversation right now. You know, we're
Speaker:going to have to do it another time, but it's not like, oh, I can
Speaker:control exactly your reaction or what you're thinking about me and what you're thinking
Speaker:about this discussion. So, yes, that's Right. A perfect
Speaker:way to think about it. How do you successfully honor a boundary? I feel like
Speaker:sometimes we are like, oh, I have this boundary, but then if we don't
Speaker:actually hold the boundary for example, you're a teacher and you tell a parent,
Speaker:I'm not going to check email or respond to emails after 5 PM, but
Speaker:then you still do it. Right? What like, what kind of message is that
Speaker:sending? How do we successfully honor a boundary?
Speaker:Well, the number one thing is you have to be consistent. Whatever you
Speaker:say you're going to do, you have to be consistent with that. You have to
Speaker:look at it like when we're, you know, with kids, we know
Speaker:if we give any leeway, right? Kids know what the
Speaker:boundaries are and they're gonna push that boundary with behaviors. And
Speaker:it's the same thing with anything else that you do. If you're not consistent
Speaker:and let's say you tell parents, I don't answer,
Speaker:dojo messages or messages from a messaging service after 5
Speaker:o'clock and you do it one time, you've already put that boundary
Speaker:down. You've already said I don't stick to my boundaries. So
Speaker:consistency is the number one thing you can do. And it's also important to
Speaker:be clear about what those boundaries are. Yeah. As a principal, I send out a
Speaker:letter for the teachers, but I have I could even share it
Speaker:saying what the boundaries are with communication. You have to be really
Speaker:clear with families that they know what that boundary is or
Speaker:whoever you're setting a boundary with, and even being clear with yourself. Right? If
Speaker:you're not clear with yourself that you're, that that's,
Speaker:an area that you need to work on. I've had to work with teachers a
Speaker:lot on checking, messages over the weekend because we'd
Speaker:have, yeah, we'd have conversations that it would ruin their whole
Speaker:weekend. And so it took those conversations and the
Speaker:reflection to realize that a boundary needed to be set.
Speaker:So once that boundary was realized that it needed to be set, then we
Speaker:could focus on being clear with what the boundary is that needed
Speaker:to happen and being consistent with making sure that we
Speaker:showed up and we were constantly sticking to what we said with our
Speaker:boundaries. Oh, those are both so important. Like, being clear about
Speaker:it and then, yes, honoring. And I think there are things you could do to
Speaker:make it easier to do that too. For example, maybe you turn off, like,
Speaker:dojo notifications on the weekend, so you're not tempted to be
Speaker:like, oh, I just got a message or whatever. You don't even see it. I
Speaker:find that can help if you're like, I need a little bit of help for
Speaker:myself honoring this boundary if you created those bad habits. I find things like
Speaker:that can definitely help. Yeah. And it's hard to go back. Once you've already
Speaker:broke a boundary, it's hard to reestablish that
Speaker:boundary. So and that is another great thing about teaching is
Speaker:that we get to start over every year. So if you know that there were
Speaker:boundaries that you didn't have last school year, summer
Speaker:is a great time to reflect on that, think about what boundaries need to be
Speaker:set and put in place to help you be more successful and maybe
Speaker:less stressed, less overwhelmed, and put those in place and be really clear
Speaker:and, consistent with them starting new. And that is such a great way
Speaker:to refresh. Right? Because you're gonna have new parents. You're gonna have new students. The
Speaker:new year is like a new beginning, and that's a great time to be like,
Speaker:okay. I'm going to get more clear with these boundaries. This is what I'm going
Speaker:to do. So for example, what are some boundaries that teachers might need
Speaker:to set? And I know you even talked about an email that you sent out
Speaker:on behalf to the parents or whatever. What what are some examples of a
Speaker:clear boundary that they could set? You could either describe what was in
Speaker:that email or just some other ideas. Yeah. So definitely some clear
Speaker:boundaries that we have to set as a school that I have to help teachers
Speaker:with our with communication, that one communication
Speaker:times are crucial. But another thing that happens a lot with
Speaker:messaging and it being so easy to message the teachers is I see
Speaker:that parents will message the teachers instead of calling the office and
Speaker:notifying us. So teachers are then stuck dealing with things that are
Speaker:really office issues. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So helping parents
Speaker:and sometimes they just don't know, and so helping parents know
Speaker:who to communicate with in the school, that's not the teacher. Like,
Speaker:if their child complains, there's a recess issue, you don't necessarily need to
Speaker:notify the teacher. You can call the
Speaker:to take that off of them. But I just think as a teacher, the more
Speaker:that we can communicate and be clear about what those boundaries are,
Speaker:I also think boundaries with I I see all the
Speaker:time cell phones too, and and this is where I think it can tricky,
Speaker:like parents wanting teachers' cell phone numbers. So that's a
Speaker:boundary. If you have a boundary about parents, like, requesting you as a friend on
Speaker:social media, again, if that's a boundary you have, you wanna be really
Speaker:clear that I don't request. I don't take friend requests from
Speaker:parents and be consistent on that. So whatever
Speaker:those boundaries are, consistency is key there, but I think
Speaker:I would say communication for sure is the biggest boundary that we need to set.
Speaker:And I think it's because we're in such an instant world right now where it's
Speaker:like, oh, I could just message the teacher and hopefully she'll message me back right
Speaker:now. Or even I know that parents will message
Speaker:teachers thinking that their child's only child in the class, Like, how is their daughter
Speaker:going? Right. You know? And I I have teachers who are
Speaker:like, well, I have 25 kids. I can't do that. So it's like you've gotta
Speaker:set that boundary. They had a great day. I'll let you know if anything goes
Speaker:wrong, but I generally do not message parents every single day about their
Speaker:child. You know, things like that as well. I think we just have to be
Speaker:really clear because you have to look at it from their perspective too. They
Speaker:sometimes they don't realize everything teachers do and they don't know. So we just have
Speaker:to be clear about. Yes. Absolutely. I think just, yeah, being
Speaker:clear with those boundaries and communication is a big one because, yeah,
Speaker:we just we're used to instant gratification, right, with being able to
Speaker:just order something on Amazon and it arrives the next day. That's what we're really
Speaker:trained for. And even social media, they've studied that. Right? And when you're
Speaker:scrolling, it's all about that instant gratification, that dopamine hit.
Speaker:And so parents might be reaching out. They don't have bad intentions.
Speaker:It really is just about holding those boundaries and being clear
Speaker:and communicating. That's really the big thing.
Speaker:What about I know because you've been you kind of
Speaker:understand both the teacher side and the administrator side. What are
Speaker:some boundaries that teachers might need to have with administrators? And what I've
Speaker:heard from some of the members in our educate and rejuvenate club is,
Speaker:like, they really wanna make their principals happy. Right? They really
Speaker:want their administrator to like them, and they might say
Speaker:yes to things that maybe they don't feel the capacity for. And it's not even
Speaker:necessarily the administrator's fault or anything, but what are just some boundaries in
Speaker:general that might be appropriate? Right? There are some things that
Speaker:might not be appropriate. So what might be appropriate for boundaries between teachers
Speaker:and administrators and what might not be? I always tell my teachers because we
Speaker:have lots of committees in the school, and I have people who want to be
Speaker:on every committee and then I have people who don't want to be on a
Speaker:committee. And I talk to teachers and I might ask them to do
Speaker:something. And some teachers are like, no, I can't do this. And some just say
Speaker:yes. And I just kind of going back to what I've said,
Speaker:you have to be really clear. I'm asking because I think that you would be
Speaker:a good fit on the committee, but I don't know what you're thinking and what's
Speaker:going on in your life as a teacher. And so I think
Speaker:you just have to know that it's okay not to, like,
Speaker:people, please. You know? And most administrators
Speaker:that I know would not hold it against anybody if they said,
Speaker:no, I can't join that committee due to things that you have going on. Everybody's
Speaker:at a different stage in their life, and if that's pointed out, I
Speaker:think that that's a really good way to set a boundary. I
Speaker:always just say I'm not a mind reader. Just please be clear with me.
Speaker:If you can't do it, I never want to put extra stress on you. I
Speaker:need you to be open and transparent and I'll try to be the same with
Speaker:you. But I think just communicating and having those conversations,
Speaker:but it definitely it's boundaries with committees, can be a hard
Speaker:thing. If, if you're staying late or coming in
Speaker:early, having boundaries about that, I think that's okay to communicate
Speaker:that. I don't think there's anything wrong with communicating like, hey, I need
Speaker:to leave here at 4 o'clock every day because of whatever, or I
Speaker:just need to leave every day at 4 o'clock. There's not a problem with that.
Speaker:And I think you just if you have an issue with that, need to communicate
Speaker:that. I also think, I'm just thinking of some possible things that
Speaker:could be an issue, but, like, taking a sick day. Oh, yes. That's a big
Speaker:one. And one I've helped a lot of teachers with. Right. And I
Speaker:know I, as a in all of my roles, I have felt guilty
Speaker:every time I take a sick day. And it's like, no, you have to have
Speaker:those boundaries. If you don't feel good, like, you're an adult. You get
Speaker:to decide that. And I say that because my friend and I would call, like,
Speaker:I feel like this, and we're both teachers. You know? Is that enough to take
Speaker:a sick day? So guilty about it,
Speaker:but it's like, we're adults. We know if we don't feel good. We know if
Speaker:we need to be home. We know if we have to be home with our
Speaker:kids, and we need to not feel guilty. We have the sick day, put
Speaker:it in. That's our boundary. It is what it is. We don't need to be
Speaker:questioned about it. And I know every contract's different with teachers and
Speaker:things like that, but I do think that's a boundary there too, is
Speaker:that you have yourself and your family to take care of. So I think that's
Speaker:a boundary you always need to communicate and be clear about. Absolutely. And I can
Speaker:and I have done full episodes on sick days and everything. I don't know if
Speaker:you know, but our whole the way my brand even started and grew was we
Speaker:did our ready to go sub plans and our sub binders. So that's, like, a
Speaker:big thing we've helped teachers with, and there's a lot of mindset with that. There's
Speaker:a lot of, oh, I can't take a day off because there's a sub shortage.
Speaker:Even though I, like, earned these sick days or whatever, I just can't because that
Speaker:would inconvenience people. And I think, again, that's really
Speaker:good to want to think about your team and maybe be like, okay. Maybe this
Speaker:time I won't take a sick day, but this time I will because I do
Speaker:need to take care of myself. And then I know that if a teammate, they
Speaker:need to take a day off, I will help with their class if needed, even
Speaker:if the class has to split. I know that's been happening in some areas, but
Speaker:if that needs to happen for someone to be able to take care of themselves
Speaker:and take a day off, then you can help each other out with that. Yeah.
Speaker:And I'm like, nobody wants you here. Exactly. It could make the problem worse if
Speaker:it then suddenly goes around the whole school instead of only you. I'm sure you
Speaker:can. I'm sure you've had experience with that. Right. And I'm like, you know, we
Speaker:will figure it out. Kids will not be left unmonitored. Yes. Like it
Speaker:it'll be sorted out one way or the other, and it won't be the end
Speaker:of the world. It might not be, oh, this is the ideal day.
Speaker:Like, there can be a normal day that's not the ideal day. So
Speaker:we we know that in education. It's just some days are
Speaker:different than others depending on, like, the kids and where they're at
Speaker:and their nervous system regulation and everything going on.
Speaker:Yeah. Yeah. So I I think just being clear about what you
Speaker:need and having that self care. I talk to teachers about that a
Speaker:lot. Don't feel guilty for taking care of yourself. And I
Speaker:talked to principals about that. We all in education are
Speaker:guilty of taking care of others first and a boundary
Speaker:of self care who can argue with a boundary of self care. I just feel
Speaker:like that's so crazy to even think about. We have to put
Speaker:ourselves first. We have to put our families first and make them a
Speaker:priority. I always tell my staff, like, we all love education.
Speaker:We love kids, but at the end of the day, we work because we wanna
Speaker:provide for our families. It so that's number 1.
Speaker:Right? So Right. And one thing I actually did while I was writing my book
Speaker:too on what you were saying about not wanting to put ourselves first, but I
Speaker:look because people think, oh, if I put myself first that's selfish. But I
Speaker:actually looked up the dictionary definition of selfish and it was saying that
Speaker:being selfish is chiefly concerned with only yourself at
Speaker:the expense of others. And that isn't putting
Speaker:yourself first. That is trying to step on people because you wanna be above
Speaker:them. But just like putting yourself first, I need to make sure my cup
Speaker:is full before I take care of these students or work with my grade level
Speaker:team or whatever. Like, I need to make sure that I'm taken care
Speaker:of. And that isn't being selfish. That's just making sure that you're being taken care
Speaker:of. The opposite of that selfish, like, being chiefly concerned
Speaker:with only other people is or only yourself is only being concerned
Speaker:about other people and not caring about yourself. And I think that sometimes the
Speaker:direction teachers tend to go, they really are pouring it out in everyone else
Speaker:and not enough to themselves. I always say boundaries is the number one thing to
Speaker:help prevent burnout. Because, like you said, if you're pouring into
Speaker:everybody and never yourself, there you might feel like you're okay,
Speaker:but there will be a point where it'll just hit you and you'll be burnt
Speaker:out because we can't do that forever. Our bodies are not made for
Speaker:that. We need self care. We need to regulate ourselves. We need
Speaker:to take care of our own mindset and just focus on being
Speaker:the best version of us so we can help others. So that I think is
Speaker:where those boundaries come in. Because I mean, this is just a personal boundary
Speaker:for me, but starting my day every day with exercise, that is a
Speaker:boundary I set with myself and my family. Like, I work out at home,
Speaker:I get up every morning. Sorry. If you need something, figure it out. This is
Speaker:my half hour to myself to exercise. And it's something
Speaker:that is like a non negotiable for me because that's my
Speaker:only time in my day that is truly focused on myself. So I think having
Speaker:something like that is really important. Yes. I think it's so
Speaker:important. And then, and I actually, I am with you. I love to do my
Speaker:exercise in the morning and kind of having that time because I get up before
Speaker:the rest of my family is out. So it's really that time of stillness and
Speaker:to be with myself and to exercise and just
Speaker:fill my cup so then I can fill up everybody else's
Speaker:after I feel complete. You know? Yeah. Oh,
Speaker:I love this. So what's just we're kinda wrapping up here, but
Speaker:what boundaries again, I like to talk about on this show, not just
Speaker:teaching, but our full lives. Right? Because we're teachers. Teaching is
Speaker:one aspect of our lives, and then we've got everything else going on. What are
Speaker:some other ways that boundaries can help us in our life outside of teaching
Speaker:as well? I feel like it's a skill that when utilized in teaching, it helps
Speaker:us use it in our lives and vice versa. Well, I know for me, I
Speaker:can be a one thing I've worked on a lot is being a people pleaser.
Speaker:And when I think of a people pleaser, it's really like a lack of boundaries.
Speaker:Right? It's about everybody else, and I'm not setting boundaries. And so what I
Speaker:see that happens in my personal life when I don't set boundaries is I
Speaker:am like, yeah, I'll go to that event and that event and that event. And
Speaker:so I'm running me and my kids around to 3 different events that we're
Speaker:not even enjoying any of them because I'm like, I
Speaker:can make it to everything. You know, I can do it all. And in
Speaker:the process, I'm stressed out. I'm not enjoying myself.
Speaker:I'm yelling at my kids. So I just think another way in your personal life
Speaker:is really thinking about your time management and how you create those boundaries
Speaker:around it. My husband is so great at being like, we have one
Speaker:event planned. We're gonna leave it at once. There's one's planned. We don't
Speaker:need to plan anything else. And I'm like, well, we could do something else too.
Speaker:He's like, nope, one event. And it does, it helps so much with your
Speaker:stress. And because when you're constantly feeling like you're
Speaker:running from one thing to the next and you're just trying to get everything in,
Speaker:I know for me, it just makes me feel like I'm doing nothing well. I'm
Speaker:overwhelmed. I don't even know. I don't have a second
Speaker:to breathe and really think about the things that I have going on. So I
Speaker:think a thing that we need to make sure we're doing in our personal life
Speaker:is that time management piece because I'm guilty about even before work,
Speaker:I do 10,000,000 things in the morning because I'm like, if I can do it,
Speaker:I go to work, it makes me feel better when I get home. But then
Speaker:I have to stop and think, is it worth being stressed in the morning?
Speaker:Yeah. And stress my entire family. So I think really putting those
Speaker:boundaries into place on what can you actually get done in the
Speaker:morning, what can you get done in a certain amount of time so that you
Speaker:don't feel overwhelmed and stressed out and can just be more relaxed
Speaker:and more present in your life. Yes. I think boundaries around time are crucial, and
Speaker:this is one I honestly personally really relate to right now with working on my
Speaker:book and the event and the rebrand and homeschooling still, so many things
Speaker:that we're doing. And there was like a weekend where we just had so
Speaker:much going on and then we got invited to another family dinner and I was
Speaker:like, well, we could go. We don't have anything at that time, but I was
Speaker:like, I just, I can't, I literally, my mental, emotional, I can't.
Speaker:And you can always say no, even if you don't have a valid
Speaker:reason, like something else you're at. A valid reason is just, you need
Speaker:that time to decompress. And yes.
Speaker:So I I love that you mentioned trying not to have too much in your
Speaker:schedule because I do think that's where overwhelm can come in,
Speaker:and we don't have that time to regulate ourselves and rejuvenate.
Speaker:So love that. Okay. And then one last question about boundaries. I know that
Speaker:a lot of people are like, okay, this all sounds great. I wanna do it,
Speaker:but I'm worried this is going to ruin my relationships if I try to hold
Speaker:a boundary. So what what do you have to say about that? I, when you
Speaker:set a boundary, you just have to do in a way that's kind. If you're
Speaker:like, you're breaking my boundaries, I can't do that. And you talk to people like
Speaker:that, of course, they're gonna be like, okay, and get upset. But if you communicate
Speaker:and have a conversation with people about what those boundaries
Speaker:are, nobody's gonna get upset with you. I think it's in
Speaker:our own mind that that's gonna happen. It's it's like I said, it's
Speaker:that people pleasing mentality. I always think when I
Speaker:set a boundary or when I say I can't go to something like you said,
Speaker:if I don't have something else going on that I have to have an excuse.
Speaker:And it's like, no, you don't. And so I think just
Speaker:being more confident in yourself and your ability to know that it's
Speaker:okay to have that boundary for yourself and
Speaker:saying it in a confident clear way. Brene Brown says clearest points.
Speaker:I think if you don't say it in a clear way, then what what I
Speaker:know I do Me too. Is I would do the event anyways and
Speaker:I would be mad the whole time anyway. And is that helping your relationship? Really?
Speaker:Think about it. You're like, I don't wanna do this because I don't wanna ruin
Speaker:my relationship, but is you feeling resentful, like, helping your relationship?
Speaker:Right. And so I think if you can think of it from that lens
Speaker:because I was volunteering, at church for a while, and I enjoyed
Speaker:it, but at the same time I was kind of resentful. And I'm like, I
Speaker:need to back away a little bit because I'm doing this from a place of
Speaker:like resent and not from a place of I want to do this.
Speaker:And nobody wants to be around you when you're in that space. And so
Speaker:I think being clear about what those boundaries are and just
Speaker:knowing that it's okay, you don't have to have excuse an excuse, be
Speaker:confident in who you are and what decisions you make, and
Speaker:people respect that. There's nobody that I've ever had a conversation with
Speaker:that sets boundaries that I'm like, oh, man. They're so rude.
Speaker:I look at that. We respect it. I'm like, wow, that's really
Speaker:great. I have a friend who's an educator and she's great about she puts
Speaker:her phone away and doesn't respond to group chats out from work and things
Speaker:like that. And people know that's her boundary and they just know that about
Speaker:her. She's not gonna respond to group chats after work and it's
Speaker:not a big deal. So I think just being clear about who you are,
Speaker:what those boundaries are and communicating them is gonna help people
Speaker:just understand where you're coming from. Yes. And I think what you said about the
Speaker:fear of what might happen is so much worse than usually what actually happens when
Speaker:you do that. So just try it try it with a small boundary. You can
Speaker:always work your way up. Try a boundary. You'll see it feels good, and then
Speaker:just keep creating and honoring those boundaries as needed in your life.
Speaker:I love how you said that because I started that with email. I actually took
Speaker:email off my phone, but it started with, okay, I'm
Speaker:not answering this email tonight. And then it started with me doing that more and
Speaker:more, and then I'm like, I'm taking it off my phone, so I can't even
Speaker:check it. So I think that's a great way to get started is just take
Speaker:those micro steps. I love it. Well, this has been so good.
Speaker:A great first episode about boundaries. I'm so excited we
Speaker:finally did it and that you helped make it happen. So thank you so much,
Speaker:Barb. And you're also part of our educate and rejuvenate event coming
Speaker:this summer. Can you tell us a little bit more about what you're going to
Speaker:be teaching there? Yeah. I'm really excited because I'm gonna be I will be talking
Speaker:about reenergizing your teaching. So I'm gonna just talk about
Speaker:how you bring that passion back to teaching. If you're feeling burnt out and
Speaker:overwhelmed, how do you get that passion back? Because I always think
Speaker:about that feeling you have as a student teacher when you're new to
Speaker:teaching and everything's so exciting. And then we get into
Speaker:the career and time goes on and it gets stressful and
Speaker:we, we get these feelings that we're just burnt out and overwhelmed. And so I'm
Speaker:gonna give you some strategies and tips on just how to reenergize your teaching
Speaker:to love it again. I love that so much. I cannot wait for
Speaker:this session to go out there so all the teachers at our
Speaker:event can hear it and watch it, and, it's just
Speaker:gonna be so good. And just it fits in perfectly with
Speaker:the event as a whole, where we're really trying to help teachers learn how to
Speaker:up level themselves in their career with teaching and
Speaker:also personally. It's really personal development meets professional development.
Speaker:So so excited for the event and that you're participating in it.
Speaker:But the event isn't happening for another, like, probably about 6
Speaker:weeks from when this episode goes live. So can you share
Speaker:also, and again, they might wanna just connect with you outside of it. What else
Speaker:do you have for our listeners in the meantime and where can they connect with
Speaker:you? Yeah. So I have a podcast, the teacher burnout podcast. You can find
Speaker:me on that podcast. You can also find me on Instagram at Barb Flowers
Speaker:Coaching and find me there. And I'd love the opportunity to connect with
Speaker:you and share what I've been doing with teacher burnout.
Speaker:Awesome. Well, thank you so much for your time, Barb. This was such a
Speaker:great interview. I loved chatting with you, and I love that everybody else
Speaker:is going to get so much insight about how they can create and
Speaker:honor boundaries in their teaching, in their lives. Well, thank you for having
Speaker:me on, Kelsey.
Speaker:If you enjoyed this episode, please hit subscribe so you don't miss the
Speaker:next one. And if you're hungry for more, be sure to check out the book
Speaker:that I wrote. It's called Educate and Rejuvenate, a 3 step guide to
Speaker:revitalize your teaching, renew your spirit, and reignite your
Speaker:passion for life. It is scheduled to be released in the summer of
Speaker:2024. This book takes all the life coaching skills we talk about here on the
Speaker:podcast and puts them together in one easy to understand guide.
Speaker:Plus, when you pre order, you'll receive a PDF workbook and additional
Speaker:resources to deepen your understanding and application of the concepts we've
Speaker:covered on the book and on this podcast. You won't find these resources
Speaker:anywhere else. Visit the link in the show notes to join the wait list and
Speaker:be the 1st to know when the book becomes available for pre order. Let's
Speaker:continue this journey of growth and rejuvenation together. Until next
Speaker:time.