As moms, it's all too common to find ourselves consumed by fear, uncertain about the next steps and how to create meaningful change. That's why I'm thrilled to introduce our guest today - Jessica Burgio, a former beauty entrepreneur with 22 years of experience, host of the UNSCRIPTED podcast, co-host of the Fast Foundations podcast, author, business mentor, speaker, and a dedicated mother.

Jessica's approach is truly unique, as she focuses on empowering her clients to grow both personally and professionally, through self-care and personal development. With her extensive knowledge and expertise, she provides invaluable tools and strategies for building a strong, sustainable personal brand that stands out in today's competitive market. Everything she does, from her podcast, to her online membership, and in-person workshops, are designed to help ambitious women achieve their goals while being part of a supportive community.

Jess is passionate about building a network of women who can support each other, and she truly believes in the power of mentorship and coaching. When we align ourselves with our passions, our purpose becomes crystal clear, making everything in life, including motherhood and business, more enjoyable! We explore how to overcome fear, create positive changes, build a strong support network, establish productive rituals and routines, preserve our energy, and hold space for ourselves and others. With Jessica's guidance, you'll discover how to unlock your full potential and truly thrive in every aspect of your life. 

What you'll hear in this episode:

[3:10] Jess's background and how she stepped through fear to get to where she is as both an entrepreneur and a mom.

[10:00] If you want different you have to do different.

[10:45] You don't have to be in a bad place to seek help.

[11:50] How to overcome the fear of being inadequate and show up in the uncomfortable situations that help you grow.

[22:30] you have to make the decision to ask if you are in the right room. Once you know you are, allow yourself to be yourself in that room.

[23:30] What are some things you can do to set yourself up for success knowing that the fear is there but you're going to work through it?

[30:15] Rituals and routines as a mom that help you conserve your energy.

[38:55] How to get on a routine that sets you up for success.

[41:00] How to find out what's possible.

[45:10] There are very few situations that you are truly stuck in. Even if you feel truly stuck there are recourses that can help you.

[45:30] Reach out to people who you respect for support. Figure out how you can fit yourself into their schedule.

[47:03] What is the one thing at the beginning of the day and the one thing at the end of the day that she prioritizes no matter what?

[50:50] What else is on her heart to leave with listeners today?

[52:15] Jessica's book.

CONNECT WITH JESS

Follow Jess on IG @jessicaburgio

Grab a copy of her book Come As You Are: The Art of Unbecoming Who They Told You To Be - https://a.co/d/6LSJIjK

Join the Insiders Membership: https://www.jessicaburgio.com/membership

Listen to her podcast, UNSCRIPTED: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/unscripted/id1533515400

Check out her Start Your Damn Podcast course: https://beauty-insiders.mn.co/spaces/10617786/page

CONNECT WITH KELSEY

Follow Kelsey: @thisiskelseysmith

Follow Momma Has Goals: @mommahasgoals

Download the app for iOS or Android

Learn more at https://thisiskelseysmith.com/

Join our text list. Text "Goals" to (707) 347-0319

Jess Burgio 0:00

At the end of the day, if you just focus on the things that are important to you and being yourself, you will fit in where you're supposed to, you will bring enough to a room being who you are. And you will find if you allow yourself that you don't wait more than you give yourself credit.

Kelsey Smith 0:20

Let's reimagine mom life together. Mama high schools is your hub for relatable support and helpful resources that help you fuel yourself alongside motherhood. Your identity is bigger than mom, and whatever your goals are, together, we're making them a reality.

Kelsey Smith 0:48

So often as moms, we get caught up in fear, not knowing how to make changes, what the next steps are, that are needed for us to do things our way. And we just need someone to kind of tell us their journey and I am so excited for our guest today. Jesper Joe is a former beauty entrepreneur of 22 years and the founder and host of unscripted the podcast, co host of the fast foundations podcast author, business mentor, speaker and Mama, helping female entrepreneurs build the confidence they need to create a strong personal brand. Just as unique approach focuses on supporting and encouraging her clients to grow through personal development and self care, all while offering the tools and strategies needed to build a thriving, sustainable personal brand that stands out through her podcast, online membership and in person workshops. She's become the go to mentor for women who want more. She does that through concrete, approachable and proven methods to help women step into who they know they are meant to be. The Insiders community was created to simply help ambitious women go after what they want to not only grow their businesses, but grow their confidence inside a supportive community. Just as passionate to build community around women came from her own personal need for connection. She has a passion to teach mentor and coach and believes when you truly step into your passions, your purpose becomes clear. And everything in life becomes possible. life and business motherhood, it should all be fun. And today, this is what we talk about. We talk about how do you truly move through that fear? How do you truly make those changes? What are the people you need in your circle? How do you set in place for mom rituals and routines? How do you conserve your energy? How do you hold space as a friend, as a mom, as a leader? We go through it all. And this is such great episode. So jump in. Jess, I'm so excited to be here with you. Thank you for coming on. I want to just jump right in and talk about this kind of concept of that there isn't fear when you're successful, right? So often people are like, Oh, that feels so hard for me or that feels so scary. And I know you talk about moving through fear. And I'd love for you to just give us a little backstory into how you've got here today how you've transitioned from your former beauty entrepreneurship into where you're at now. And really stepping through that fear each time to really up level your life not only as an entrepreneur and a woman, but also as a mom. Well,

Jess Burgio 3:13

definitely. We definitely love tangible takeaways, I think a couple things that you said that I just love to know is, you said, if you want different, you have to do different, right? And so often we can sit in, while I'm not super 100%, ecstatic with where I'm at right now. But it's not bad. And it's allowing yourself to say, okay, but I still want something different. Then on the flip side of that, if you're in a job, or you've built a business, and it's not giving you what you intended from it, like Saturday's off, or whatever it is, you have to pause and say, Okay, what is my choice? What is my ability to switch in my opportunity in this and catch yourself and switch it up? The other thing is, well, you don't have to be in a bad place to seek help, right? You went in found mentorship, support and help outside of your circle into the unknown, even when things weren't bad, but you just had a calling to move forward? I think so often, we're like, Well, why would I go invest more? If I'm good, where I'm at? Why would I go look for a new opportunity, especially when there's little humans involved? Right? Because we're like, well, I could put that money towards my son's college, rather than towards my own education. But I know now I'm sure as we talk through some of the tangibles, you can talk about how that's paid multiples over to what you could pour back into your child by making that decision. And looking into a new industry. Let's stay a little bit on the mindset. One thing I'd love for you to talk about is how uncomfortable it may be felt to be in some of those rooms and conversations, as someone that didn't feel like you were meant to be there. So whether it's from the background of the beauty industry and less like traditional business, quote, unquote, and like online marketing, or it's the fact that you just didn't know anyone really until you stepped into there. How did you overcome the fear of just that, like the fear of being inadequate, or the mindset of confidence to show up in those conversations? Because you had to to get where you're at today? Right?

Right. Yeah, those are two really key points that keep people stuck and keep people out of action. And I've seen time and time again, now that I work with that mastermind that I was in, people will go as far as paying for being in these courses paying for these masterminds, and not show up. So talk about fear. Fear is the number one thing that keeps people stuck. And it keeps them from having the things that they really think they want in their life. And so the FOMO struck, right, I was like, I gotta get in this mastermind, I hadn't even thought about that I wouldn't fit in, in the group. I mean, I'm somebody who's natural, I naturally am confident when it comes to like who I am as a person, I can basically get along with anybody. I mean, I've had 20 years of practice meeting new clients, every time they sit in my chair, I had to be the authority in that situation. So I was always the one who led those conversations. And so I think, I realized, I do have a skill set. I can talk to people, I can hold space, I can get people to let me know what they really want. What are they really thinking, why do they want their hair like that? What's really going on? And I learned that all by trial and error, you know, someone comes in telling you they want bangs and black hair, you're like, wait, what, you know, you don't just give somebody that that's a big change that you know, later than they're crying because their hair is terrible. But then their boyfriend just broke up with them the day before, and they felt like they wanted to change. So it was a combined years of learning, like I had somewhat of a skill set. So yes, having that confidence was great. But I still felt when I walked in that room, like who am I to be here for one? And then to like, what did I bring to the table? Because to me, I kind of knew what a mastermind was it was where people got together and they mastermind about each other's businesses. And I was like, Well, I don't have a business in this context. But what was cool was the person running the program, Chris harder, made it feel so inclusive. He was like, listen, I told him the deal. I said, I'm making well over six figures in this business, but I don't have an online business that's ready to scale. Is this the right room for me? And so having the confidence a to ask, Do I belong here to the person running it? So that's first and foremost, find out if the thing you're interested in is actually where you should be? Because there are so many courses, so many programs, so many masterminds, so many podcasts, so many books that we don't know necessarily where to start. So if you get some good advice, or someone's like, I see you're here, maybe you should start here. That's not actually what you need a mastermind. Maybe you just need a personal coach, or you need a life coach or a business coach, what is it that you need? Or want? Or where do you feel like you could use some extra support? So first, getting clear on what it is that you want so that you can ask for the things right? You don't have to know the whole picture. Like I didn't know what I was wanting to do. I just knew I wanted to learn more. And I wanted to give myself the ability to have an opportunity for something else. I didn't know any more than that. But walking into that room I was like I'm just the whole old fears of who I was the judgment the all of the things came flooding back in like these people have Like real businesses, I'm just a hairdresser. And at the time, I hadn't opened my salon yet. So I stayed rooted in what I had accomplished. So I was like, Well, I've run a six figure business on my own without knowing shit. So I wonder what I could do if I actually didn't know some stuff. And that at least gave me the little bit of confidence to look back at the proof like, I have accomplished some things I, you know, I'm doing pretty well in the arena that I'm playing. And because I show up fully there, I do belong here. And I'm open to see like, where I can fit in with this group. But they put you on the spot when you go into this room. And most people do do this. If you're having like an in person masterminds, they'll do things called the hot seat, where they'll have each person get up, they intro, who they are, why they're there, and what they need help with, so that the group knows as a whole, like, what it is that you need, because unless we know what you need, we can't help you. Right? Yeah. So out of the 50 people that got up almost every single person, like sure who they were talking about what they did, maybe what kind of business they were getting into, but it gave me an opportunity to see like, oh, they don't have their shit together, either. That's why they're here. Yeah. So they're here to be vulnerable and say, Hey, I don't really have this all figured out. I need help, too. But I have a hard time asking for help. And then a couple levels deeper was people's fear of asking for help. Yes, but it was also a lot of them didn't know exactly what they needed help with, like many of us know, we need help, right? Like, it's just your mom, you're running a job. If you do anything, you're like, like, I need help. But sometimes you're like, not even quite sure what what would be the most helpful thing in your life right now. Whether if you're starting a business, if you're an entrepreneur, or if you're in corporate, or whatever you're doing juggling mom life, like, you know what you need help, but sometimes, you know, your husband gets home or somebody gets home and you're just like, I just need a break. But like, if you can be clear and specific, like I need help with these two things, and then today, we'll be fine. You know, but sometimes we have a hard time when we get stuck in the shit that we can't like, get the right words out, we don't even know what we need. And so, you know, that can cause a lot of fear and anxiety over you where you feel like I can't do this. This is too much for me the overwhelm sets in and we want to label things like depression, anxiety, all that stuff, when really, we just have fear of asking for help. We have fear that we're not going to do things good enough. So therefore we're like, fuck, just give up. Sorry, I have a mouth. I feel really passionate about the fact that people let fear hold them back. And I'm like, don't think I've got it all figured out. But I have found there are ways to combat the fear. And I'll use my son as an example. He had a test a few months ago, and we were waiting out for an A class and he was acting kind of fidgety and weird. I'm like, what's wrong? He's like, I'm just really nervous. We have this test today, blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, How are you feeling? He's like, Oh, my stomach kind of hurts. And I was like, Oh, that's good. And he's like, What do you mean, I'm, I felt scared. And I'm like, well, but if you didn't care about doing well, on your test, you wouldn't be scared. If you didn't care what grade you got, you wouldn't feel those feelings. And he was like, oh, and I'm like, That's actually called excitement to like, you're excited to go in and do something. And you're, you really want to do it well. And so it was like a perfect teachable moment to remind myself, because when I started this podcast, I would get those butterflies in my stomach. When I walked into rooms like that, I would get really hot and bothered when it's almost when it's like almost your turn to get called on to go up and do the hot seat like you blacked out, your whole body goes numb, and you're you like, have all these things you're gonna say, and you get up there and you're like, yep, didn't say any of that sounded like an idiot. And I'm okay with it. So doing those things that are hard that challenge you that you think you can't do. Those are just kind of like notches in your belt of building that confidence that you need to pull from when you get pulled into another situation that challenges that feeling. And you are feeling less confident than you'd like. And I draw from that a lot. From hard things I've done in the past from challenges I've made it through, I pull from that knowingness that I can do new hard things to. And now I have more of a you know, conviction for asking for help, I will go out and find the help, I will do whatever I can to not feel stuck. Because that overwhelming sense. I don't like it. I want to get out of overwhelm as soon as possible. I'm down for a challenge. But like I don't want overwhelm to consume me and keep me going to do the laundry and washing the dishes instead of googling how to XYZ and just run the backend of my website or something. Right, like, yeah, I find that fear comes up in multiple forms, whether it's lack of education on something like we just don't know how to do it. So the fear is like, I can't figure this out. It's so hard. I don't know. I don't know. Or it's the fear of, you know, judgment, obviously from other people. The fear of failure, right? Of course, we're all scared to fail. Like not a single person in this world isn't scared to fail, even if they're okay with failing and taking those things as lessons. There's still a level of fear that comes with like, even people read books about oh, I can't wait for my next failure because that just means I'm gonna learn the lesson. I'm like, yeah, that lesson can look like me winning in life. too, I'm fine with that. I don't need to, like lose every time or fail. But often we label things as failure when they don't go as planned. So I've been able to slowly pull back my expectations on how I think things are going to go or be in order for me to appreciate them and enjoy them for what they are right, like raising children. Your expectations are let down. You're like, oh, I can't do that. Again. I thought we were past that phase. Or like, here we are, again, didn't I tell you not to do that, like, your expectations of how you think your children should be sometimes feel like failures? You're like, I suck as a mom, you know, they're not what am I not doing right? To get them to do the things I want? Well, you're not failing, you're learning. They're learning, we're growing. And if you were so fearful, you What would you you're not going to give them back, you're gonna keep trying. But we give up on certain things. When we are in that state of fear, far more than we would like. Being a parent is a great comparison. And I love that you speak to moms on this, because anytime if you haven't built a business, or if you haven't made six, or if you haven't done anything that you can pull that confidence proof from, you've keeping your kids alive. You're doing a damn good job every single day doing the things that people some people label is not a real job either. Being a stay at home mom like, yeah, they want to lay they want to say hairdressing isn't a real career. They say that's not a real career, either. But anybody who is a parent knows that that is a lie. Whether you're a stay at home mom or a stay at home, dad,

yeah, being home for sure. You know, something that you just had me think about is truly as parenting we don't measure success. And like that one year, or that one situation ever, like if the kid has a meltdown, while in the moment like you said, we may be like, Man, I am not doing great right now, as a parent, you still know, okay, we're gonna make it through this, we're gonna get through this. And even when your kids 18, like, it's not even up to 18, where you go, Okay, did I succeed as a parent or not? Like, truly, it doesn't end there. Right? Like, at the end of our days is where we look back. And we say, Okay, how did I show up in life? How did I show up as a parent? How have I done? What are the things that I am proud of myself for? And I think it's the same thing with following your passion or pursuing a business or your career, whatever it is, is you do have to ever overcome those fears and failures, and put yourself in those positions that challenge you. And I think a common misconception is when especially you're listening to podcasts, whether it's this one or yours, or those that you co host on, you hear all these successful people, and you're like, man, they've just got it. They were born with that. And that is so far from the truth. And being able to know that each of these people have had to overcome certain things. And one of the things you said is that you had to just make the decision to one ask the question, Am I in the right room. But then once you know you're in the right room, or you're going to trust that you are to really just kind of, you know, allow yourself to be whoever you are in that room, you may not be the most elevated person in that room, whether it's entrepreneurship or not. So let's talk about some of those tangible things, right, let's talk about when you're in that moment, and you're like sitting, I've talked to people that were in that exact same mastermind, actually. And they've sat in there and they've been like, I need to leave like, I'm not this room. I'm not qualified to be here. And then there's other situations where even like kids drop off, right? I dropped my boys off at school today, and started chatting with one of the moms and I was laughing as I was leaving. I was like, why don't we make these conversations so awkward as humans, like where it's like, so simple to just like, be like, Hey, we're both like parents here and our kids go here. So whether it's like school drop off, or it's the next Business Mastermind new join, I'd love for you to talk about like, what are some of the things you do to set yourself up for success, knowing that the fear is still there, but you're going to work through it.

That's so good. Well, it's funny because I actually have a really good perspective on this. Now even more so than just my own experience. Because I was asked from Chris harder to become a coach. After the round that I was in. There was a there was a gap round in there that I didn't do. And I opened my salon during that time. And then I started the podcast. And so I had Chris on as my very first guest. And I just by way of asking, we got off the podcast recording. And I said to Chris, hey, you know, you should really have some coaches that can go through like a coaching program with you to become coaches from fast foundations, because we still need more help. Like I can do some hand holding, I don't feel like I need to go to the mastermind. Again, I feel like I want that hand holding of a coach. And he was like, Well, funny. We actually implemented support coaches in there. Would you like to be one? Here comes the fear, right? Who am I to be the coach in your group? I only went through a once what do I know? How can I help people? And he was like, Okay, let's bring it down. Just obviously, he didn't respond to that. I said, Yes. And then I lightly said, I'm very honored. Do you think that's a good choice, Chris? And he was like, Well, what's your level of accountability from one to 10? How much do you think you'd be a great accountability coach? And I said, 11 and he's like, What about strategy and I was like, probably like an eight or nine If he's like perfect, only thing you need to be able to do is help somebody, you don't have to know all the answers. What would what would I say? What would I help them with? You've been following me enough, you know the thing. So he empowered me to say yes to something and step into a space that I didn't think I was ready for and probably would not have done had he not pushed me to do that. So being able to have the perspective of now being a coach, and here one to one, these people who are in the group, right, the first round, I had 25 students who I was supporting, these conversations are real A F, like, they're really, I don't belong here, I'm not ready for this, a couple of people try to back out of the mastermind like this, this, you know, they want to blame it on money or finances. And that's always the easiest thing, time and money, right? We're like, Oh, we don't have time out of the money. But the fear of like, feeling inadequate to be in a room is real. And people deal with this, not just in situations, like masterminds. Maybe you're listening here, like, I have no intention of being in a mastermind. Like, that's not where I'm at, like, my thing is being in a room with like, a bunch of men in corporate or in a room where my boss doesn't listen to me, like, I don't feel like I have a voice or I don't feel like I belong here. Or I don't feel good enough to be here. Because what do I have to offer, your perspective, your value, your life experience, who you are, is unlike anybody else. And I don't have to be the only one to tell you. But let this be a reminder. You know, we talked about niching down in business, we talked about, you know, your own marketing strategy, and this and that, at the end of the day, if you just focus on the things that are important to you, and being yourself, you will fit in where you're supposed to, you will bring enough to a room being who you are. And you will find if you allow yourself that you know way more than you give yourself credit for. I learned so much about myself in that room just through conversations, I found myself being able to fit into the different conversations just from my experience as a mom, as a business owner, as someone who has been an employee, as someone who started from the bottom, as someone who worked at non traditional job, I was like, wow, I actually do know a lot of stuff. And so that actually built me more confidence sitting in on those conversations around other people, I thought that had it all together already. And at the end of the day, you know, what's great about putting yourself in rooms like that, where people have an opportunity to be vulnerable is that you learn that we all have the same struggles at the end of the day, maybe not exactly or to a tee, but more or less. And as humans, we all struggle with those same fears. And it doesn't matter. You know how much success you have. If you're growing, you're constantly putting yourself in new rooms and new new around new people, hopefully, that are doing the things that you want to be accomplishing. Right? Like you want to be friends with other awesome moms who have their shit together. If you are someone who's like struggling to get your shit together, please don't be hanging out with the hot mess moms who are terrible parents, that's not where you should be. You never really want to be like the best one in your friends group or the like smartest one in the room like they say, so challenging yourself to almost be the person who knows the least who talks the lease, and who just is there to absorb and take in it like that. Let that be your permission to like be that person in the room. Sometimes, you won't always find that that's you in the room. Now. Now when I sit in those rooms, I don't I don't feel like that anymore. But it's been since early 2019. We're sitting here recording this in the middle of 2023. So it's taken a couple of years for me to find this level of confidence, right? But if I was to go join Chris's elite level mastermind, Oh, hell yeah, I'd feel all those same feelings, right? Because I'm not making you know, millions of dollars in my business yet. So I would feel again, what do I have to bring to the table. But we can always pull from the things that we know. Because at the end of the day, if I'm sitting next to another mom, I'm going to be able to relate with her, I'm going to be able to share some stories with her no matter if she's making a couple million, and I'm only making a couple 100,000. Like, there'll be some relatability. So always try to like connect on that piece.

Yeah. And you know, I think like, again, bring it back to the mom life, your son's 11. Right. And like, let's say he was interested in something that he found a group of college or high school students that really could teach him like how to get started where he's at now and bring them along, whatever it was. And then he had the opportunity to go sit at the table with them, he's not going to be able to talk to those older kids the same way he's not had the same experiences. But let's say there's something that he's learned. And then he meets a, my son, that's four. And he sits down and he's like, Oh my gosh, like let me teach you about this and that he's now the leader to that person. But he doesn't want to just hang out with four year olds all the time and explain it to them. He needs to be able to get around people to pull him forward and also hang out with the 11 year olds right. So being able to be in the middle and I you know, have quoted this so many times. And I think this is just a great example of it again, is you have to find the people above you to bring along you have to find your peers beside you. And then the people behind you to understand where you came from and humble you and you can lead from to them as well. So then you can say hey, I've learned this and I'm pulling it down. But you being in those rooms you challenging Finding those up levels like you said, what used to feel uncomfortable is now home. And now you are finding what is going to be more uncomfortable for your next step. There are a couple of things that allow us to do this a little more comfortably, right, you've shared a couple of the mindset pieces, you've shared a couple of the tangible takeaways, but how we show up every single day also impacts this, right. And I know that rituals as a mom and routines to help you conserve your energy are huge for you, I'd love for you to talk a little bit about how you do this on a daily basis, because that is what allows us to do those on those one offs and bigger times.

Yeah, I actually just had a really good conversation with my boyfriend around this last night. Because this isn't just for women, this is for the men in your life, too. If you have a partner or a spouse, and someone that you have to deal with on a daily basis, if they are inconsistent in their life, and you are having to deal with an inconsistent person, like How challenging is that? How challenging is it to not know what version of that person you're gonna get. So that's why disciplines in rituals and routines and habits are so important because we want to be consistent for our family. We want our kids to know what kind of mom they're going to wake up to every single morning. We want our business to know that there's some level of knowingness that you're gonna get that same client experience, my clients always got the best version of me because I set myself up to win before I walked into the salon. And I learned early on what set me apart as a hairdresser. And the success I had there was that I was consistent. And the days where I wasn't everything went to shit work, my clients would call and say, Oh, I didn't really like my haircut this time. And I would think, what did I do differently? Like I've been cutting your hair for 10 years? Why this time? Did I give you a bad haircut. And it always went back to the fact that my life wasn't in order. On those weeks, months or days that I had, like bad results came out of them, right? Whenever I'm short with chi whenever I'm frustrated, and usually I can look back throughout the day and say, where did I not support myself to show up and be a better present parent more patient and say I'm in a relationship. So I'll give you the example of my boyfriend this past weekend. He like I knew we were soulmates and meant to be together at this time in our life, because of the way he lives his life. You don't want to necessarily have to change anybody, right? We can change ourselves. But when you're getting to a relationship later in life, he's 52. I'm 42. Like, people kind of who are who they are. So let them show you and then believe them. And the first time we spent some time together and he woke up in the morning, he was like, You know what one cupboard was junk. And one cupboard was like all of the healthy protein stuff. And he's like, Do you want a green smoothie this morning, I'm like, there's my soulmate. I want to I want a smoothie in the morning. And then I still want to dig into the Cheetos later if that's available. So balance, and I am someone who like lives and dies by balance. Like I want a little bit of everything. Again, going back to that multi passionate shit. I'm not all or nothing. So I love that flow. And that uncertainty of like, Oh, can I Is there gonna be an opportunity of cookies tonight I'm in because I already have the support in the morning to get me back on track. And it's not going to it's not going to take me down. So the example I'll give and this is probably happened to many people who are listening or myself included. He went to go visit his son who was in San Francisco, we went to college, and he didn't bring his normal workout stuff, his pre workout and his vitamins. He didn't bring the stuff he normally takes in the morning to give him energy. And then it was raining. And he was in this hotel that was shitty, and they didn't have a gym and they didn't have the food and they didn't have the things that he wanted. And so and then his flight was delayed yesterday. So it was like all these things were frustrating him. And the plan didn't go quite as he wanted, right was being there to be a great dad to go watch his son like run at Stanford. And it was so great to like, hear him like kind of bitch and moan all day yesterday. And then finally we got on our FaceTime. And he was talking about how the whole day went to shit. I didn't have this. And like if I would have had my drink in the morning, then I probably would have just found a gym to go to because I know that would have made me feel better. But instead, I got to the airport early, I got a burrito, I got a muffin. And then an hour later I got another muffin. This is a guy who like doesn't eat sugar. So for him to tell me he had two muffins in a burrito. I'm like, Oh, you're having a bad day. But it was just like this whole rabbit hole that he went down. And he was like that like all or nothing mentality. Because he didn't have the things that he normally had in his life to support his healthy habits. And so he was like, frustrated and angry and like thank God nobody was home when he went home because imagine if you were his like if I we don't live together right now. So imagine if I was there, I would have got this like shit version of him, or if there were kids there. And so how often are we like self sabotaging because we are not creating those habits in our life to sustain so that when we get home or when we have the hard things happen or when challenges arise, like we are still the best version of ourselves. And so these rituals and routines came from a wanting to run a successful career. I knew I had to show up on time for my clients. And I had to be like, full of energy when you're working person to person like you have to be able to give and be able to like have something to take home. So I noticed that if I didn't work out in the morning, like I wasn't going to work out. So like find pockets of time find yourself in my story. So I knew I had to get before most people do go to the gym and workout, I knew that I had to have food prep for me to take to work otherwise, like the last half of my day was going to suck because I was going to be hangry, I wasn't gonna have time to eat, I knew that I had to set pockets of time in my schedule to like, go for a walk outside, drink my water, go to the bathroom, eat the food that I brought, I knew I had to have boundaries around how long I worked at the salon, so that I still have enough to give when I got home. So there were lots of things that I learned by default, because I didn't do them at first, that created chaos in my life that made it so I got divorced when I was 25 years old, I got well, I was 27, I got married at 25 and worked nonstop didn't have any of these boundaries, none of this shit was in place that resulted in divorce, because who wants to be married to that person, I didn't want to be married to myself. So one thing led to another and you slowly develop like this sense of awareness of who you are. And what you need, everyone is going to be different. Not everyone's going to want to wake up at five o'clock in the morning and journal like they might not need to. But if you have kids and you want any alone time, and you want to be coherent, it's probably going to have to be in the morning, right? Because then the evening, we're all like wiped out. And that's like the end of the day, you don't have the bandwidth necessarily. So the non negotiables for me come into place where I have to be the best version of myself in order to support everyone else in my life. And so I wake up at five almost every single morning like even this morning, my son was like, why don't you get up so early. And I say, because I want to write and this morning consisted of I got up at 530 had my coffee journaled, read, worked on some stuff, because that's where my mind is like free to like create the coffee and the reading the reading, like unlocks these things for me. And so creating that time allows for me to have that space. And then, you know, I was awesome mom, I started dancing, and I woke him up, I was in such a good mood. And he was even like, what are you doing, I'm like, I wish that someone would have come into my in the mornings for me at school in fifth grade, and been in a good mood and not rushed me. And that made me feel like I'm the problem for like, why we're gonna be late today. Like I set myself and my kid up to when every single morning, we got shit laid out the clothes are on the counter, like, I prep everything so that for the most part so that I enjoy the morning, and that he can enjoy the morning, because he's like me, he wants his little slow time in the morning. He wants that little me time in the morning too. So those non negotiables when I don't do them, oh, we all pay. So the pain of not setting myself up to win for those for those things is far greater than the pain of just doing it and the discipline of just showing up and making sure all that stuff is done. So I find that most people, when they don't have those disciplines, and they don't have those habits set up for themselves, I don't care what you're trying to accomplish. Even if you do accomplish it, it's going to be a lot harder. And it probably won't be sustainable if you don't have all that other stuff set up for yourself in place. Because there are some days where I don't wake up early. There's some days where I don't do all that stuff. But I allow those spaces in my week for me to not have to do them. Right. So everything gets worked around that morning ritual and time, my workouts and then the family stuff work comes in between that now. Whereas before it was always work. And then everything else got shoved in in between. Yeah.

And I totally agree. You know, I definitely have weeks where I don't follow through with things and then I have the certain things that every time I do it I'm so grateful I did every time I'm like, why would I not just set the time to do this. I love having food prepped. Anyone that follows me on Instagram knows that I don't like prep every single thing in every meal. But little things that I can like hand my kids protein waffle. They're happy to go. I have been prepping immunity shots. And last week was the first week I haven't done it in forever. And you can probably hear my voice now of that I am regretting it. It's the one week that I didn't do it. I would love for you to talk about for the mom that's like sitting and she's like, that's great. But I don't work out. I don't prep food. Our mornings are a mess. Our house isn't organized like I am barely surviving. What's the first step that you would have someone take to get on track?

Well, if she's telling me she doesn't have any of this, what does she want? I would ask for clarity around what would make the day better? What would make the overwhelm kind of calmed down a little bit? Do you need your morning to be less chaotic? Do you need your house to be cleaner? Do you need food to be prepped? Like what is it that you find to be important, right? Because things that are important to me are always going to be important to each of my clients when I coach with them. So I get to the root of like, don't do shit like me if you don't care about having a clean house. Like don't spend time cleaning your house. You know what I mean? If you don't care about meal prepping and you're fine to drive through McDonald's every day after school, then do that. You know, don't do things because you think you have to do it like whoever she is right? Do them because that's what's important to you and it's going to support your goals. Right because we all have different goals. This is your podcast mama has goals. My goals are not your goals. Your rules are not all your listeners goals. So in order to speak to that lens of that person, I need to know exactly what it is that she needs help with. So give me an example of somebody who may be you know, written Do you from the podcast and said, This is what I need help with?

Yeah, I think that so often they don't know, right? They're actually in the place where they're like, I'm not sure. And meal prep and immunity shots and things like that don't sound like even attainable or interesting, right? They're, they're not looking for that. So for the mom, that's like, I don't have feel like I have time. So I feel like often it's the first step is finding the time to get that mental clarity, right to for, like you said, to be able to answer that question to have the mental clarity to be able to reflect and say, Okay, this is what would be helpful, then I think from there it How are some of the ways that you would recommend that they start exploring what kind of the better alternatives are right? Like, whether it's listening to different podcasts? Or you mentioned that, you know, there were some things that you didn't grow up around and going into beauty school? Was your solution to find the answer to some of your desires, right out of high school. So for someone that's maybe like, I don't even know what's possible, what would be the first step for them to learn what's possible.

Definitely get around people who inspire you, if there is anybody you follow on social media, that you're you're kind of drawn to that you kind of like how they show up, how they're living their life, if there's something about what they're doing that triggers you a little bit like, I wish I could do that. Lean into that, take that little twinge of like, must be nice for her and spend that how can I do that for myself? What is she doing every day in order to do those things? Does she have kids like me? Is it even possible for me to have what that person has? Because often we're comparing ourselves to people who we don't have the life that they have. So you're not going to be able to have the results like they have we talked earlier about, you know, a lot of our mentors, female mentors, don't have children. So the things I see them accomplishing the ability for them to fly here, go there, speak here, like, I don't have that accessibility right now. But if there's something that she's doing, that I aspire to be like, I try to get around or get in that energy, do they have free calls every week that I can listen to? Do they have any resources that I can tap into that might be free, like a podcast and ebook, a weekly, you know, group free coaching that they do that they offer? Just support and help? Who follows that person? Who else is looking at her content thinking, I wish I had that? Or must be nice? Can I connect with somebody in the group who's maybe more on my level, and maybe we can have accountability to hold each other? Like, okay, let's start with walks every morning, we can talk to each other on a walk, this may be a total stranger, I see you follow so and so like, I'm actually trying to like better my life and make things easier for my family. And I do you want to meet like Mondays at 8am. And like, go for a talking walk, we can get to know each other. It doesn't take any money to like do the call, things like that, get curious about getting around the things that are starting to attract your attention. So because you're kind of asking me like somebody who doesn't seem all that interested in in it, and I would say if you're not interested, keep doing what you're doing. But if you're asking specific questions of how does that person accomplish all that in a day, I can't even get through a load of laundry, get my kids to school, feed myself and shower before the chaos starts again. Like you might just be in that season of fucking hell, like excuse my language, but we always have to recognize what season we're in. If you are trying to compare your season of three little kids under four years old to my season with one kid being an 11 year old, not even close, can you tap into what I used to do in order to get myself through on those hard days, of course. So don't be afraid to ask for the help that you feel like you're not getting in your inner circle, right. But often, I think recognizing what the struggle is in the beginning, is the first thing you need to get real with yourself about whether that's getting with a therapist and talking with somebody, like here are actually the things that are really bothering me. Because a lot of times when I coach business stuff, people are like, I have just one question, or can I pick up your brain about podcasting? Or oh, you always have these workouts that you do and you seem so like, you got your shit together? Like, how do you do that? I challenge the question to be like, Get clear on why you are so curious about that. Why are you not doing that for yourself, we first have to become aware of why we're getting in our own way. The current situation that you're living in is one that you created for yourself. Yeah, I will repeat that the current situation that you're living in right now you created for yourself, you allowed it to happen, you created it all on your own, and you're continuing to allow it to happen. And I say all this with love, but we have to recognize how we got where we are. And if it's not where we want to be. You have to recognize what needs to stop what needs to be automated, what needs to be delegated and what needs to plain old just like go away and you need to stop doing because until then until you can kind of funnel everything into those lists. The overwhelm will keep you stuck. You will keep you stuck you will be frustrated you won't even like yourself, let alone a nobody gonna like you in the fam. So start there become aware of like what it is that you need most support with and then start to seek out thought that, why do I need this? Why do I feel like I don't have this?

I think everyone just needs to like rewind that section and like replay it back those so good. But a couple specific things that I love that you brought up one, there are very few situations that you are truly stuck in. And even if you feel truly stuck, there are resources, there are support, there are people that can help you out of no matter what you are in. Because yes, there are very few situations that you may be like because of safety XYZ, I can't do XYZ, that that exists, but there's still support, there's still resources. So reach out to someone to receive that. And then on the other side of reaching out and saying hello, and how can you connect with that person? And how can you fit into their schedule. So like walking Hangouts, walking talks, if someone's looking to better their life, I have met very few people, I can't even name one right now, that is someone that is looking to achieve the highest version of themselves, and they don't care for their body. So they're likely caring for their body in some way. And if you can join in on that, and you can be like, hey, I want to meet you where you're at, and I want to do this, you are 1000 times more likely to get their ear and to have them respect you because you're respecting their time in the way that they spend their time. So that is huge. Absolutely love that and figuring out how you can fit into that. And you know, you speak a lot about self development and the strategies for self care, and morning routines and rituals and setting that up. That's all part of it. And so like you said, you know, what, what's the situation that maybe the mom is sitting in that she's like, what's the next step that I take? I think if you're listening to this podcast, you have goals. I think if you're listening to this podcast, you're looking to better your life in one way or another. So once you get clear on what it is, once you get clear on what your goals are and the step you want to take, it's truly finding what is it that it's important to you and taking that next step. So you talked a little bit about like your non negotiables. It's, you know, preparing yourself, making sure you move your body allowing you to have your own time to set yourself up for anyone else in your life, whether it's your clients, your son or your boyfriend. What is like the one thing that you like, let's say it's a day, that's just crazy, maybe you're traveling, something's happened. Is there one thing at the beginning of the day, and one thing at the end of the day that you specifically make sure that you always prioritize?

There's not just one thing,

no. So it's hard to name,

it's hard to name one thing, because that's going to be different for everybody. Like there's things that you get up, we go to the bathroom, we brush our teeth, we generally feed ourselves. Like there's a list of things though, like if I forget to brush my teeth, if I don't eat something in the morning, that can totally throw everything else off as well. I am a sensitive person. And I think a lot of women are we are sensitive to our environment, we're sensitive to the people we spend time with or sensitive to the energies like other people bring into the room as well. So I think setting myself up by mindful practice time, which I kind of do through journaling. Not everybody loves to journal and I had to kind of force myself to do it before too. So finding journals that have prompts in them that will trigger thoughts in your mind to allow you to unlock those pieces is key. So sometimes I would flip to the journal, I don't want I don't want that prompt. I don't want that problem. And when I read one that would resonate with me, it would unlock you know what was really going on inside of me and so I can get clear about okay, if you're this frustrated with this thing that happened the other day, like the likeliness that you're going to have like an easy day is slim to none. So I'm going to give myself Grace today that I'm going to be a little frustrated. I might be on edge today. Maybe I should let people in my life know that are dealing with me today. That today's on like the best day. So if you have something important, like can we talk about this next week, or Hey, honey, I like some shit happened yesterday at work. So like if I'm kind of off today, like I just wanna let you know it has nothing to do with you. Like set the people in your life up to win, because they can't read your mind. Just like you can't read theirs. And so being again back in that awareness space, and then shifting that like I've gotten better now at recognizing what's going on shifting the energy that I what do I need? Do I need a walk? Do I need to go run? Do I need to go workout hard as fuck? So I feel like I can release some of the stuff pent up shit. What is it that I need? Do I need some nurturing food? Do I need to fast today because whatever, like there are things that we can do to support the things that we need. So I think just getting clear on that because the first and foremost of what do you need today? Not next week, not next month not to run your business not to be a good mom, what do you need, and then give yourself out if at all possible. And then in the evening, same thing reconnect back to like how the day was pour into yourself if you feel like journaling in the evening, this is a perfect time to like, be nice to yourself. Not a list of like, oh, I fucked up today. I didn't eat good. I didn't get my workout in kind of such a failure. I'm still fat today. Like I was so mean to my kid I yelled at him and then I don't have sex with my husband tonight. Like no, that's not what we do in the evening. We don't dump on ourselves you pour back into yourself so you can go to sleep feeling good about yourself and then you wake up still hopefully in that energy, right like I did really good today only on one cookie instead of three like normally when those cookies are out I eat at least three or For soy only having one was actually like really good. And it was delicious. I'm glad I got to enjoy that one cookie. Like I actually was really patient with Kai today he was testing me. But like I did really good, I only kinda yelled at him a little bit like old me would have slapped the shit out of him. And I would, I would have had to apologize later. So recognizing the good in your day, I would just if you take anything, doesn't involve cooking doesn't involve prepping doesn't nothing right in the morning to yourself right in the evening to yourself, love on yourself and start there.

Oh my gosh, I love that. And just reminder, for anyone listening, we just released the new version of the mom housecalls app where we give you morning and evening prompts and daily journal prompts, so you can connect it in there. So definitely go check that out. Jessica, we're gonna have to have a part two, because I have so many more things to chat with you about. And all of this was so great. So tangible, great takeaways, before we jump into all the different ways that people can connect and learn from you. I'd love to know just like, is there anything else on your heart that you want to leave with our listeners today, anything else that you're like, I want to make sure that you take this away with you.

I think I was pretty tough love on all of you guys today. And I just want you to know I'm in that season of giving myself some tough love, but also a ton of grace, around moving into this new space in my life. So if you are someone who is in a place that there's some transition going on, it can be any kind of transition. This is what they talk about when they say growth is hard. This is what they talk about when they say things like entrepreneurship is lonely. You know, it's lonely when you're going through growth because no one else is experiencing this like you. So don't expect other people to understand what you're going through. And allow yourself the space to process on your own. Find help if you can, that you can discuss things. But often this is where that journaling is so important. Like talk to yourself. Talk to your younger self, talk to your future self and have these really important conversations with yourself. Because if you can start to fall in love with who you are, who you're becoming who you were, everything else will become easier. The growth process is never easy, right? Like growing children is difficult. But it can be fun. You can you can enjoy your life while you're in growth season no matter when that is. So always go back to the fact that you get to decide how much fun you're having in this lifetime. Right? We can do our things. The you know, that's like not a shock. But like enjoy the process of the things because they go by so quickly.

Yeah, and talking about process. Talk to me about your book, because that's definitely a process.

Yes. Oh my gosh, again, how can writing a book be fun, and not as hard as everybody has said it is online, right? I've watched amazing women, not a time, but a few that I admired talk about the book writing process being so stressful and so long. It's so torturous and like, oh my god, it took them years to get this book out. I was like, that will not be my story. How can I create a book in this world with my thoughts, my perspective to help other people and the easiest way possible? Going back to that list of how do I automate delegate or like, eliminate something, find the resources, delegate it to someone who can help me. So I found myself a writing coach, she was actually a ghost writer, I didn't know that. So she had this program where she could help you write a book in 90 days. I said, That's awesome. I don't even want to take your class. I want you to help me write this book. I have so much content from all my podcast episodes. I know exactly what I want the this first book to be I had an idea of a series of four short books because I like quick like podcasts, I wasn't gonna read it in an hour. I don't want to book is gonna take me six weeks to read. I want things to be tangible. I want them to draw me to more information. So this this book is a resource to my podcast, if you will. So whoever finds this book can go listen to past episodes of things I started to talk about in the book. So I strategize. Like what would someone like me one, what would somebody who's busy pick up and get a lot from? So we sat down, we mapped out what we want in the book, I was able to actually talk my book out through stuff like what we're recording on right now. I zoomed like two hours of content on my own to her, which then she transcribed and edited. We started we did a two hour two or three hour interview a couple of times where she asked me questions based off that vibe I had told her I wanted the book to look like. And so I didn't sit down for hours and months. Like literally writing the book. I wrote many pages of the book, but I talk the majority of my book to a woman who then edited it and made it into a book. So mind you that cost a lot more than if I would have probably written it myself. But I'm not I'm a first time author. Most people have to be self published unless they have some sort of huge following that the you know, book people are throwing money at you. Not the case for me right now. But I wasn't gonna let that hold me back. I'd always known that like a book was inside of me. We all have a book inside of us. We all have an amazing story we can share that will help somebody so I stopped playing small and I was like, I'd love to put the word author next to my title in my in my bio. I'd love to be able to like have something tangible that my son can be like my mom wrote a book. So there were many things that propel We'll need to get this book out there. And again, I didn't let money or time or the process stop me. I was like, How can I find the easiest, most fun way to get this out in the world? And that's how I did it.

Yeah. And it's just a reminder for everyone that it's not like how you're going to do it, it's who's going to help you do it? And like, how are you going to find what you needed to be able to do it. So you don't have to do it alone. In talking about not being alone, I want us to wrap up with all the other ways that you support people. So you have a retreat coming up, you have a monthly membership, you have your podcast, let's talk about all the different ways that people can continue to be connected with you where they can find you and learn from you.

Thank you. Yeah, it's so fun. I love to meet people where they are right, not everybody can go on that retreat to Cabo. So I'm hosting one in San Diego here in a couple of weeks. It's, it's, it's creating things that your people need. So that's what I'm trying to do for my listeners. So if you listen to this podcast, and you come up with a different way that I can support you or we can or even, you know, we can maybe collaborate on something, we'd love to do that. So when you let us know what you like, it helps us create more content for you. So the insider's membership is much like your Monday calls that you do or your lives that you do, I do those inside a container, I run it through mighty networks, which is an app. And so you can join right now it's free. The beauty insiders is what it used to be called because predominantly, I worked with people in the beauty industry. But I find like we talked through this podcast, the majority of women, we have the same struggles and issues whether you're in the beauty industry or not. So now it's called The Insiders collective. And, yeah, it's a monthly membership where you can jump in any time, it probably won't be for free forever. So jump in while you can. And then obviously, the podcast used to be called the beauty inspires beauty podcast, it is now called unscripted. Kind of to tag along with the book, which is come as you are the art of unbecoming who they told you to be. Because as you probably listen, I'm in this transition of done being told what what and how I should be showing up. And this is for women who really want to step in and take action in this next step in their life. So yeah, the membership, the retreat, I do one to one coaching as well. And I also have something coming out very, very soon called the confidence makeover. And it is my steps and strategies and a lot about what we talked about today in real time, helping you fully make over that confidence piece in your life, which holds us back or propels us forward in any arena. And then for those of you who love podcasts, I created a podcast course because I was sick of not having the time to hold someone's hand to help them start their podcast so it's called Start your damn podcast. It's literally the most comprehensive amazing course ever. Our we both work with the same podcast management team said spend two hours with me and helped me create this course that is basically a four week course but you can ingest it all weekend if you want to like binge listen to it and watch it. You could literally have your podcasts up and running within like a week. Everything you will ever need to start a podcast to grow your show and to be successful is in this course. And you also get two coaching calls with me with that. And then you also get put into a community once you actually launch your podcast. So all of us podcasters can hang out together. So that's a lot of ways. Thank you for letting me share all that.

Yeah. And like you said, you're meeting everybody where they're at. So where can we find you on Instagram? Someone wants to send you a DM tell you their takeaway. Please share it on your stories. We love that. Where can they find you?

Yep, it's just my name at Jessica bergeaud. And then there's the podcast which is called unscripted, the podcast.

Amazing Jessica, thanks so much for being here. Like I said, we are definitely going to have a part two mamas. I cannot wait to follow up with Jessica and see you implement everything that you learned today. You your story and what you have to offer this world builds me up. I want to meet you join me on Instagram at this is Kelsey Smith. And let's create a ripple effect for mamas with goals together is better