Divorce recovery, women's health after divorce, stress management, midlife wellness, strength training for women, emotional healing and divorce. In this episode of Doing Divorce Different, Lesa Koski shares how getting physically strong can help you become emotionally resilient during divorce and other difficult life transitions.

When life feels overwhelming, many women focus on the legal and emotional aspects of divorce recovery while overlooking how stress impacts the body. Lesa opens up about her own experiences with divorce, adoption, breast cancer, anxiety, and learning how surrendering control changed everything.

You'll discover practical ways to reduce stress, increase energy, build confidence, and strengthen your body during difficult seasons. From protein and fiber to walking, weightlifting, community, faith, and self-compassion, this episode offers simple strategies that can help support your divorce recovery and overall well-being.

If you're navigating divorce recovery, heartbreak, grief, reinvention, or any season that feels heavy, this conversation will remind you that healing happens one small step at a time.

Remember: Midlife is not your crisis. It's your comeback.

TIMESTAMPS:

(00:00) Why stress impacts your body during divorce

(03:15) Lessons learned from breast cancer, surrender, and healing

(06:40) The connection between emotional health and physical strength

(09:05) Why walking can calm anxiety and regulate emotions

(11:22) Building strength instead of chasing skinny

(13:18) Protein, fiber, and simple nutrition changes that matter

(16:20) The power of a 10-minute walk after meals

(18:15) Why weightlifting is essential for women over 40

(21:08) Finding community and fun during difficult seasons

(23:55) How exercise helped during cancer treatment

(27:12) Learning to laugh at yourself: Lesa's YMCA story

(32:20) Keeping promises to yourself builds confidence

(35:15) Small steps that create lasting transformation

(38:45) Midlife is not your crisis—it's your comeback

(40:10) Free Divorce Roadmap and Divorce Comeback Community

KEY TAKEAWAYS:

• Physical strength supports emotional healing during divorce and life transitions.

• Small habits like walking after meals and increasing protein can significantly improve energy and mood.

• Weightlifting helps women maintain muscle, bone health, confidence, and resilience after 40.

• Healing often begins by keeping small promises to yourself consistently.

• Community, faith, laughter, and movement are powerful tools for navigating hard seasons.

HOST BIO:

Lesa Koski is a divorce mediator, divorce coach, attorney, podcast host, and founder of Doing Divorce Different. She helps women over 40 navigate divorce with more clarity, confidence, and hope through mediation, coaching, courses, and community. Lesa's mission is to help women understand that midlife is not their crisis—it's their comeback.

RESOURCE LINKS:

Free Divorce Roadmap:

https://lesakoski.com

Divorce Comeback Community:

https://lesakoski.com

Connect with Lesa:

https://lesakoski.com

Podcast:

Doing Divorce Different

TAGS/KEYWORDS:

divorce recovery, divorce support for women, women over 40, divorce healing, emotional healing, stress management, strength training for women, protein for women over 40, midlife wellness, divorce coach, divorce mediation, anxiety recovery, breast cancer survivor, women's health, personal growth, faith and healing, resilience after divorce, life after divorce, self-care during divorce, menopause fitness

Welcome back to Doing Divorce Different.

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I'm so glad that you're here,

and today we're gonna talk about

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something that I think is going to

surprise you maybe a little bit.

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But we're gonna talk about getting strong

through divorce and other hard things.

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Um, and I'm talking about physically

and emotionally because I think,

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um, the stress that our bodies go

through when we go through difficult

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transitions in life, like divorce, I

just don't think we talk enough about

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how deeply stress affects our bodies.

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And I know that is the one thing that I

am always working on, and it's the one

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thing I really struggle with is my stress.

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And I feel like, you

know how I had that…

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they caught that stage one breast

cancer a couple years ago, I feel

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like I white-knuckled it through life.

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I didn't have that much fun, and I was

stressed, and I still carry a heavy

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stress load, and I'm still learning.

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And that's why I'm like, I'm gonna just

get on and talk about this because I

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wanna share with you the things that

I'm learning to help me get stronger and

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to reduce my stress and have more fun.

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Because we know divorce is emotional,

but I think it's physical, too,

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because, you know, you think about it.

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You stop sleeping.

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Your nervous system gets all overwhelmed.

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Sometimes you stop eating.

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Sometimes you emotionally eat, and

then that raises that horrible thing

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called cortisol, that stress hormone.

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And I think that you can feel exhaust

and foggy and, and anxious, and you

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kind of disconnect from yourself.

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And honestly, I think a lot of women

completely lose themselves during

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divorce and other hard things, which when

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sometimes can be good, right?

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And so it's not good to lose yourself,

but that's different than surrendering,

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and you all know that surrendering is

the thing that changed my life, and

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that's just pulling back in my heart.

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And I've had other things, too,

like I have an amazing adoption

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story that I had to surrender.

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When I had that catching the Stage

1 breast cancer, man, that was so

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hard because I want, I always want to

control everything, and I couldn't.

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Like, I- no matter how clean I ate,

no matter what I did, I had that,

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and I had to go through treatment for

it, and when I surrendered that to

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God, that's what changed everything.

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And I'm not gonna lie,

I did not feel- happy.

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Um, I think there was an underlying peace.

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I didn't feel joyful, but you know what?

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I have learned that through

those struggles, right?

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That is how we build our character.

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That's how we build our endurance.

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That's how we become who we are.

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And so I don't like cancer.

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I don't like that I had to go

through what I went through.

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I don't like divorce, and I don't

like that people have to go through

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it, but let's use it to get stronger.

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And I am just gonna talk about

not skinny, not perfect, strong.

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And this is one thing that I have really,

um, come to know, and I've always…

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You know, we, we're all hearing,

right, that, um, we need to,

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to build muscle for our body.

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I've done a podcast just

recently about moving your body

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changes something inside of us.

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I mean, I was told when I'm really freaked

out, go jump on the trampoline or go, go

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for a walk because that is a time when

your, when your emotions can steady.

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And I know, you know, when my

kids went off to college, I just

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walked and walked and walked.

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When I had to go through

treatment, I walked and I lifted.

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And it helps me remember who I am,

it helps me connect with my body.

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I mean, I have struggled

with anxiety most of my life.

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It's not just through my,

my hard, my hard things.

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So hard s- so when I go through hard

seasons, that walking has helped me,

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and now I've started adding the strength

training to it 'cause we all know as we

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age, we wanna keep those bones strong.

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We wanna keep those muscles.

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I want to…

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I don't w- care about being skinny.

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I wanna feel good.

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I wanna be able to work out.

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I wanna be able to pick up my grandchild.

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So my thoughts have pivoted.

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And you know, another thing

that's, that I'm working on

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changing is to love this body.

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I mean, I am so in awe of women

who can just love every piece of

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their body because when you think

of it, God loves you so much.

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He created you, and just like how you

look at your child or your grandchild

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or a puppy, and you're just like,

"Oh, they're so cute," that's how

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God thinks of you, and He made you.

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So when you're knocking this little

shell of a body that holds your spirit,

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you're knocking a gift that God gave you.

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So, so I just want you to keep that into

mind, and I know, like, if you're spir-

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spiraling right now because you're in

the middle of the div- of a divorce and

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you're trying to get this figured out, I

want you to know I get that, and sometimes

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you just have to kinda move your body.

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And I don't want you to do, like,

everything all at once, but I'm gonna

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give you some things that can help

you build strength, and just pick one.

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Pick one and it'll change your life.

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Here's one thing that has really

changed things for me lately, and, um,

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that is adding more protein and fiber.

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And, and I am trying to

do 30 grams every meal.

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Um, it's hard, but what I will let

you know, they're saying that it's the

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natural GLP, and when you're eating

that much protne- protein, like 90 to

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100 grams a day- You're not hungry.

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And so that naturally keeps you

from overeating, and we need it.

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Our muscles are so important

to our health, and that's

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the only way to grow them.

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So just add a little protein.

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Get a healthy protein smoothie

or, you know, add some chicken

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breast or whatever you love.

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Add it.

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Add it into your diet.

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I also add fiber.

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I love things like chia

seeds and greens and berries.

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Those are all gonna help you.

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And here's the thing.

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Take care of yourself.

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Don't lose yourself because this is a

time when you need it more than anything.

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Move your body.

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Take those walks.

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Here's, here's something really

key, especially as we age.

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This has made all the difference

for me After I eat, I just get up

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and move my body for 10 minutes.

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It's so easy, and it's funny.

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Like, it makes me go, "Oh, do

I wanna eat that bag of chips?

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'Cause do I really wanna go out?

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It's 90 degrees out this afternoon.

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Do I wanna get out and

walk for 10 minutes?"

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But when you do that, it helps

your blood sugar, and it helps

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your metabolism, which, you know,

in turn helps your metabolism.

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And it's hard to gain a bunch of weight

when you're eating a lot of protein,

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and you're having a lot of fiber, and

you're walking or moving your body just

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for 10 short minutes after each meal.

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So, and of course, you know

I always say, "Get outside.

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Walk barefoot.

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Get grounded in that earth," because

that just helps you feel better too.

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Lifting weights.

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I am a stickler now to three times a week.

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In fact, I have to go lift when I'm

done doing this, and I don't love it.

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I don't love lifting.

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I love cardio.

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I don't love lifting.

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So what I do to make it more

fun is I go to group classes.

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That gives me my community,

because we need that.

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We need fun.

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We need community.

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So I lift weights in community, or I

watch, like, an episode of Heartland.

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Something where I get to see horses,

and I don't have to think so much,

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and I just lift while I'm doing

that, and it makes it so much more

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fun, and it builds my strength.

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And they say go heavy, like

nine to 11 reps, full body.

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Full body, three times a week.

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Life…

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It's life-changing.

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And I'm not kidding.

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I don't really wanna go do it.

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It's something I have to make myself.

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But if I can do it in a group setting and

have fun with friends or watch something

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or listen to a book or a, or a podcast,

it makes it go a little bit easier.

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And you know what?

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Just think, why not?

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Why not get better while you're

going through your divorce?

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Feel good about yourself.

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And when I went through my surgery and

chemo and radiation, I got on a lifting

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program, and that's when I really started.

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And it kinda stunk, 'cause I was

lifting a little bit before it,

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and after my surgery, it was…

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I had to go, like, two weeks lifting

soup cans, and then I ha- it was so slow.

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I felt like it was so slow-moving.

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And then they made me go s- you

know, two weeks of just very slowly-

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gaining back to where I was before

the surgery, but it gave me a purpose.

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And in all that ick, it was

something that I could do.

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In all the ick of all the uncontrollable

things going on in my life, just like

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when you're going through a divorce, you

wanna control everything, but you can't.

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The bottom line is you can't.

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You're gonna be compromising.

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If you have kids, you're

gonna be co-parenting.

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But you can control how you take

care of your beautiful body, and I am

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not telling you to white-knuckle it.

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I still eat ice cream.

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I try to walk 10 minutes after.

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I try to stop eating at around

7:00, but I'm not always

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perfect, and we need that joy.

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People, let's have that joy because

we need that fun, and that's why I

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love, um, the group classes, too.

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I gotta tell you a funny story.

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I don't know why this

is popping into my head.

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But I'm thinking of…

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There's so many different times

when things are hard, and I was a

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stay-at-home mom with two babies.

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And I was gonna be starting law

school, and it was, it was a hard time.

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And, um, and th- this is no lie.

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So I, I'm bringing my baby into the YMCA

because that was, like, I had to do that.

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It was, it was my little break.

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Well, I'm, I decided to do water babies.

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And, um, I'm in there and,

you know, you got a wet kid.

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You got your swimsuit on.

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And I don't know if you…

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At our little Y in Hudson, you walk in

and there's all these cute, nice, little

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retired guys sitting there drinking

their coffee, looking in the window

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at the swimming pool just watching,

you know, the kids and their lessons.

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So I, I did my workout.

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I felt real good about…

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It was making me feel better.

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Now I'm like, "I'm gonna be a good mom.

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I'm gonna do this lesson."

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And I, I go in.

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I got wet baby who hates water.

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It's water baby's first kind of

experience, and flailing around and

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grabbed my swimsuit top and popped it

open and, like, right in front of the

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window of all those little retired

guys drinking their coffee I had a male

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teacher, and there was a neighbor lady

in there with me too, and I couldn't…

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You can't stop your baby.

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You're just trying to…

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And you can't tie your suit

when you have a we- wet…

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Babies are hard to hold

onto when they're kicking.

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And he, of course, goes,

"Swimsuit malfunction."

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And then all eyes are on me.

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Like, he's just probably

trying to make it better.

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I am, and I am not, I've

never flashed anyone.

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I am so, like, shy, um, about things.

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I don't really even like

being in a swimsuit.

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I'm trying to get better at that.

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I had to throw the baby

over my chest and walk.

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I just did the walk of shame

to the family changing room.

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I got that baby all dressed back up.

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I, I had to have, like, an out of

body experience, and I had to, like,

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walk by those men sitting there, and

I had to pretend it wasn't happening.

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And um, it was awful.

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And I laugh about it now, so it

makes a good story now, but I was

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like, "I can never go back there.

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I can never go back there."

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And you wanna know what?

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I did take a big break and didn't go back.

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And I have no idea why I told

you that story, but I think it's

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because don't forget to have fun.

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Don't forget to laugh at yourself.

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Um, I re- you know Find the joy.

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Be around people that make you happy.

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Um, that's something that I wasn't

doing before my real heart, and

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it was something that I dedicated

to doing more of after my heart.

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So, so it all matter- matters.

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And so I just want to say, okay, so now

I'm getting back to we're gonna, we're

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gonna eat more protein, we're gonna

have fiber, we're gonna lift, we're

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gonna get outside, we're gonna walk.

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We're gonna walk 10 minutes

after we eat if we can.

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We're gonna add weightlifting.

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And you can do just one of these this week

and see how it goes and see how it feels.

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And, um, I think you will find that

you underestimate how healing starts

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by keeping promises to yourself.

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So if you just say, "I'm gonna eat

more protein this week," and you keep

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that promise, and then you go, "Now I'm

gonna eat more protein, and I'm gonna

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stop eating at 7:00," in a week or two.

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You keep those promises to

yourself, your self is gonna be

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strong, and that's what we need.

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We need you to serve this world.

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We need you to be a mama or a

grandma or, or an aunt or a pet

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owner or just whatever God has you…

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Whatever your service is to people,

you are important, and God created you.

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And so stay strong.

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Surrender to God because

that truly is the only way.

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You don't have control over

everything, but it does help to

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have a little bit of control over

how you take care of your body.

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And, um, I'm not…

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Like I said, I'm not

talking about perfection.

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I'm not talking about starvation.

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I'm just talking about building

your confidence, your identity,

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your energy, and h- and your hope.

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And I think sometimes we wait until

we feel emotionally better before

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we start taking care of ourselves.

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And I'm gonna tell you, I didn't do that

when I was going through my heart, and

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it made all the dis- all the difference.

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Because I've found that taking

care of your body helps your

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emotions start healing too.

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Isn't that interesting?

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I mean, just like they say,

walking for 30 minutes is just

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as helpful as an antidepressant.

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So If you are in a hard season right

now, if you're going through divorce,

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I just want to encourage you, don't try

to change your whole life overnight.

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Start small.

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Take the walk.

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Lift the weights.

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Laugh more.

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Pray the prayer.

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Go to therapy.

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Ask for help.

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Get sunlight.

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Take the next right step, because little

steps matter more than people think.

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And I have given you

steps that can change.

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Now, you can just use them over six months

and change slowly and be kind to yourself.

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'Cause every time you do something

healthy during a hard season, you are

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sending yourself a message that you're

worthy of take, of taking care of.

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You're a body that's worthy of being

taken care of, and that is so powerful.

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So if you're walking through divorce

or heartbreak or grief or reinvention

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or a diagnosis or just one of those

seasons where life feels heavy,

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I hope that you remember this.

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Midlife is not your crisis.

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It's your comeback.

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And I wanna say, you go to those

show notes because I have…

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If you're going through a divorce and

you don't know where to start, I have

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a roadmap, a free roadmap that walks

you through what to expect during

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divorce, and you can connect with me.

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And I also have a new community on school.

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You have me coaching you.

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It's called Divorce Comeback,

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CST, Central Standard Time.

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Um, that will be also in my show notes

or you can find it on my website.

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Connect with me because I want to help

you, and I think being in community with

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other women is the best thing that we can

do to help ourselves through hard things.

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So hang in there, and thanks

so much for being here.