Join Mistress March for part two of her interview, where she continues the deep dive into the intricacies of BDSM and the emotional underpinnings of kinky desires and experiences. Joined by her anonymous friend, addressed as 'Goddess', they explore various fetishes, focusing on their psychological impact and the unique therapeutic elements they provide. The discussion covers impact play, consensual non-consent (CNC), and age play, with a particular emphasis on the emotional release and healing these practices can offer. Mistress March discusses the therapeutic parallels of BDSM, stressing the importance of traditional therapy alongside these practices, and reflects on her journey of integrating her personal experiences and activism into her dominatrix persona. 

E2 - Impact, CNC, Ageplay, and Therapy

Mistress March: Hello. Beautiful.

Welcome back for part two of my interview. I'm Mistress March, your host to Mistress on the Mic. In case you missed part one.. I shared all kinds of juicy tidbits, but today let's jump in for the second half., With my friend who will remain anonymous to protect the not so innocent.

Interviewer: You may call her goddess.

If you must call her anything.

Mistress March: I will be screening her calls. You may not call her. Indeed. Indeed. Okay.

All right. You're lurking at me like you're ready. I am ready. .

Interviewer: Okay.. I had a few more questions to get to know you a little bit more, but maybe we can come back to those at the end. So

Interviewer: What do people seek emotionally when they submit?

Mistress March: Hmm.

let's pick a couple fetishes and I'll tell you what I see most commonly with those kinks or those fetishes because it can vary a lot.

Interviewer: Impact would be one. Okay. Um, I'm very curious to know what you think about the realm of Mommy Domme and maybe, uh, adult baby diaper lovers. So the ABDL

Mistress March: Yeah. age play

Interviewer: and. CNC. Okay. We'll just go in a real weird triangle.

Mistress March: I love that. That's perfect. So let's talk about impact first, as an example. Of course, this is a broad generalization. People can seek this for other reasons, but what I see most commonly is catharsis with impact. There are very, very few healthy times in life where you're being hit by someone or even experiencing pain.

There are unfortunately unhealthy times where that happens, but because it is so uncommon, it can unleash an incredible spectrum of feelings that we often, I think, don't have time to feel in our day to day. It might be anger, it might be sadness, it might be grief, it might be joy, it might be ecstasy, so mentally and psychologically for someone who knows that that will happen with impact. (For an impact connoisseur) that is very powerful and therapeutic and cathartic. I think for people who have never experienced it before, they're often in for a surprise when they end up experiencing that.

I think with impact, sometimes it's just because you've seen it done. It's so popular.

It's very iconic, whether it's a spanking or paddles or a flogger. It's something that can exist in so many forms. There's a really wide spectrum within the realm of impact, and a lot of those things are very iconic hallmarks of kink, there's definitely the elements where it can be about discipline of course, as well, and feeling a sense of justice in being punished for the things that you're guilty of or ashamed about, or maybe things that you have genuinely done wrong.

I have some masochists I know who have bad habits and they come in for punishment and they fully intend to continue making those choices. Uh, maybe it's a drinking habit or maybe it's being rude to people or all kinds, all kinds of other things. And there can be a sense of justice in having these very iconic, traditional forms of punishment, of corporal punishment that may have, that we may have grown up experiencing like in Catholic school or in our households, or that we've heard a lot about.

Because it's been so common through so much of, of history. So I think there's definitely a justice and discipline and kind of repentance side of it for some people as well. Um, next we're going to talk about, what was the next one? CNC was the third.

Interviewer: Age play or specifically adult baby diaper lovers / ABDL

Mistress March: I wanna talk about CNC first. Okay. And then we're gonna come back to age play. And for anyone out there who's listening, CNC stands for consensual non-consent. So just a quick trigger warning. This can involve play in areas of being forced, being coerced, and even being assaulted. It should all be negotiated. It has something that you have talked through and agreed to ahead of time, but this content may be triggering for some listeners, so I wanna make sure I say that before we continue. So, in the realm of consensual non-consent, it can apply to it absolutely anything. It can apply to fantasies involving rape play.

It can also just involve fantasies around someone making you eat something that you don't want to eat, and who hasn't experienced that in life, whether it's the authority figure of that really attractive babysitter that you had when you were young, or your parents or anyone else. Something as simple as being forced to eat your vegetables can develop into a compulsion or a desire for someone being pushy and someone being in charge.

And. How did I find a way to make CNC turn into age play? What are we doing? Interesting.

Interviewer: We're

Mistress March: gonna talk about both of these, I guess, right now. Uh, and then I'll come back to the ex, the example I was gonna say about a woman in CNC. Huh? Weird. Okay. Something as simple as being forced to eat your vegetables I think I can bring you back to a place where life felt safe and life felt easy.

You know, your job was to learn and grow and explore and go to school, do your homework, do your chores, um, so that that can be a, a part of any power dynamic

with CNC in particular, um, when it involves, say, a straight woman and a fantasy of being, of being raped by a man. It can be a lot of things. It's a very complex topic.

I think I could do an entire episode on it. So let me just touch on a few of those pieces right now. I think that it can be a powerful way to put your shame and guilt about sexuality to the side because you get to experience the idea that it's being forced upon you. You aren't having to initiate. You can experience all of your conflicting feelings about it, including saying, no, I don't want this to happen, and still have that experience.

Another separate example is reliving a traumatic thing that has happened to you, but having the opportunity to do it in a container where you do have safety and you do have trust, and you do have a positive outcome, so you can work through something horrible that's happened to you by reliving it and rewriting those memories in a sense.

And doing it with someone who you do trust, who will honor your safe word. And that's an important thing about CNC is still having a safe word. Even if you're gonna say, no, no, stop and it will continue and that's what you've negotiated. You create a separate safe word, you can still stop the experience if and when you need that to happen.

And having the opportunity to potentially reenact either something that actually did happen or something that you've been afraid might happen. Because the truth is, I mean, the numbers are there statistically every, everyone is or knows a woman who has been assaulted sexually. And so we've definitely all thought about it or been in a situation where we were afraid that that could happen.

So by. Having power in the exchange, the power to stop it, the power to design it, the power to agree to it. And then a final example. And again, I think there are so many more examples beyond this, but you can get to feel so desirable that someone is completely overcome with just the need to have you and to experience your body.

And you get to feel them being truly selfish, I think, and wanting you so much and using you in whatever way is gonna bring them pleasure. And I can see that having a certain complicated form of liberation for people as well. So those are some examples that mostly revolve around a woman as the bottom or the receiving party.

I think some of those can also obviously relate to men and people of all genders, but there are some layers, for men, for example, where men don't get to feel desired or objectified nearly at all, usually. That's really rare and women are often drowning with so much of that attention. And it's like constantly assaulting. You're being catcalled by strangers on the street. You're being criticized for the way you dress and distracting the boys at school just by existing in your body. Your body is being noticed in a sexual way from an extremely young age or your whole life.

And men, I think, get the opposite experience. Typically men are not socialized in that way. And I think that's where we get things like the male loneliness epidemic. Men also want to feel desired and deserve to feel wanted and also feel sexual shame. And I think a lot of very good men experience shame around assertiveness, how to be assertive without being one of those bad guys.

How to be an ally, how to et cetera. And I can see that being a lot of pressure, wanting to be good, wanting to have your good intentions seen at all times. Um, so when someone else is pushing whatever boundaries and you are the person who gets to say no, stop gets to feel all of your guilt and shame checked at the door because this is someone else's idea.

It can liberate your own version of all of those things.

I think it can also help people to reconcile things that they're not ready to admit that they're curious about. Whether that's being feminized or being penetrated or all kinds of other things. Even just being emotionally vulnerable, being the receiving party, um, being submissive where we live in a world where men are not given a chance to, to do that.

Mistress March: Um, yeah, so I, to go back to the age play thing, I find it so fascinating, and for anyone listening who's not familiar with these terms, when we talk about age play, we are talking about adults who engage in role play as if they were different ages. And that's a way to experience different power dynamics.

It's a form of role play. We are absolutely not talking about involving any children or minors. That is not okay, and that is not a part of this conversation.

So with age, play with informed consenting adults. I find it so interesting with Mommy Domme in particular, humanity comes from women. We all had a mother and we all spent at least, you know, seven to nine months or what, whatever age a premature baby can be viable inside of one.

So even if the egg was fertilized and then that father was never involved from there on out, that can never be the case with motherhood. And of course, there are people out there who didn't have a mother right from birth. But at least up until that point you did. So to erase that impact, is mind blowing to me.

I think about this a lot when I engage with gay men who are interested in femdom.. So for most of us, we were raised by female figures and there was a time in life when that is the person who was in charge of you, who told you what to do for your own good and who took care of you, who comforted you when you were hurting.

And of course we would want to return to those times of comfort, those times of simplicity, those times of being, I'm gonna tear up,

Interviewer: where is this coming from?

Mistress March: Ugh. And I'm not a mother, but I am definitely a mommy dom. And. To return to feeling unconditionally loved by someone who has your best interest at heart by someone who is powerful and beautiful and complicated in a way that you may never fully understand, but who will hold you and who will tell you what to do is, uh, I, I would say it's gotta be as close to universal human experiences as you can get.

And I think that some of the deepest wounds people can experience is when their mother or the other women in their formative years failed them somehow, and were not there for them, or were not able to protect them, or were the people who hurt them. So for those people, I think having a surrogate: Having a Domme who can rewrite that experience is incredibly powerful, incredibly healing.

And for the people who had the blessing and the privilege of an upbringing with a strong mom, with strong female figures in their world, to then have the rude awakening of growing up into a world where women are beaten down and oppressed and robbed of their power and treated horribly, must feel like a horrible shock.

So to embrace an environment where you get to worship and experience the reverence, or maybe be a little brat and be put in your place, as a callback to that incredible experience you had when you were younger. Um, all of that. So there are a lot of pieces. I also think, there's a lot of related but completely separate pieces to be said about diaper play, about bondage and confinement, about every separate piece that can fall under that umbrella.

So there's just a taste, I think. Ask me follow up questions if you have more or reach out to the podcast if you'd like a deep dive into that, that realm. I think that would be worth doing.

Interviewer: One theme that seems to really shine through from what you've just shared is, uh, you mentioned the word liberation a couple of times, but also therapy.

And I think we see a lot of posts in the community about.

This is not a replacement for therapy. These kinks or fetishes are not replacements for therapy, but they very clearly have power to heal. They have power to liberate. And so, could you say a little bit more about that, if there's an example that you could share that would be appropriate about a way that you have seen or a way that you have personally helped someone find that kind of healing and liberation through being a dominatrix and the relationship that you have with them.

Mistress March: Yeah. It is probably the most common feedback that I get, whether it's immediately after someone's first experience with kink or someone who's been coming back for years or decades. It is absolutely therapeutic. I am a firm advocate that it should never replace other forms of therapy. It's irresponsible to have these experiences and not give yourself space where you can then process them with an individual who is a trained professional, specifically in the realm of psychology and mental health.

And I am not gonna replace that. I don't have those, I don't have that background. I may have, um, some natural capabilities that are adjacent to that, but it's not the same thing. Then I think about the flip side, where in traditional western therapy, there are very important, very clear boundaries that can't be crossed.

It would be completely inappropriate for a therapist to be physically touching their client in a wide variety of ways, but to be physically touched is incredibly powerful. Emotionally, psychologically, physically. So to have opportunities and containers in life that can complement each other in such ways, I think is an incredibly powerful combination.

And I am a big advocate with everyone that I play with that I want them to have a therapist who they can be honest about their kink world with. It's important when you have these extremely cathartic, powerful, psychological, liberating experiences to be able to talk to someone about it. And

Mistress March: because of the way that any conversation about sex is so stigmatized and so taboo, it's very likely that you don't feel like you can talk to your family about it.

You probably don't feel like you can talk to most of your friends about. This thing. And then kink in particular is seen as alternative and wrong and stigmatized and also very taboo. So I think you do need someone who can give you a supportive open room. And it's also fantastic that it's their job to listen to you.

You don't have to worry about holding equal space for your therapist's feelings. And I think there are people out there who don't realize that the things that a therapist has to disclose, like to the authorities or whatever, don't include seeing a dominatrix. And if you need to, you can check, ask a hypothetical question to your therapist or find a therapist.

If you search kink aware therapists in your area, find one who is already specifically advertising that they're open to these conversations. Because if you had. A repressed memory come up in the middle of a heavy bondage situation, or you unlocked crazy powerful experiences when you were being flogged.

You need someone that you can then go process through that and talk through it and unpack that and synthesize the experience that you're having. And that's not always gonna be your dominatrix. It's usually not going to be your dominatrix. It's a separate, it's a separate job.

Interviewer: Thank you for sharing those resources.

Mistress March: Yeah. Thank you for asking.

Interviewer: Here's a question: What do you feel when someone kneels before you? Mm.

Mistress March: I feel it in like my gut and my heart, and it kind of rises and grows from there. So I feel a sense of excitement when someone kneels before me. I feel. The confidence that I always hold, really blossom. It's kind of like the pilot light is always on, but then the fire comes to life.

I have a gas fireplace at home and I, it's kind of a similar blossoming of the fire and the heat and the warmth that comes from that. Definitely paired with a lot of excitement. There's a big rush of intensity and creativity and delight and possibilities that, that well up for me.

Plus it's hot. There's a, there's an arousal to that fire as well.

Interviewer: I love that. That's pretty sexy. Mm-hmm. Hopefully everybody is loving that right now.

Interviewer: How did your background in art and photography and activism shape Mistress March how did all these pieces of your life come together to create this persona for you?

Mistress March: I think they're all such big pieces of who I am and I have the great blessing that they are all things that I've been able to really dive into and experience and focus myself on.

So to be able to bring those pieces: my art and photography and the creativity and the visual experience and a balancing of the sensory experience that we have as people and how evocative that can be... and even as a photographer being behind the lens, so much observing what people look like when they feel different ways, watching their body language, watching their facial expressions, that's a skill that I've been able to cultivate over almost 20 years of professional photography. And that certainly applies to the way that I can read someone when I'm working with them or on them as a Domme. Then curating those experiences and as a portrait photographer in particular, finding the skills necessary to bring that out of someone intentionally.

I've never been necessarily a photojournalist type of photographer of just trying to document and capture what was already happening. I am a photographer who has specialized so much in working with women and couples in such intimate places where they are so vulnerable and it can be so uncomfortable.

Most people are not that comfortable being in front of a camera, especially with a random stranger, a professional taking the photos in an unfamiliar environment where your body is exposed and you're vulnerable. So the people skills to be able to choose what side of someone I want to bring out, whether it's tenderness and vulnerability or fierceness and power and confidence or intimacy between two or more people.

And that connection is definitely also a skillset that really comes into play with dominance and submission. And in a way, I guess it's manipulation, learning how to manipulate people totally in a good way, but to bring out the experience that I want them to have and that they want to have, and then to be able to document it.

As far as the activism side, it's something that I refuse to compromise on. There are so many people and groups of people in the world who deserve a voice, and that voice has been silenced. And there are so many issues that humanity is grappling with that as I further cultivate and refine and grow my power, it would be completely unacceptable to my values.

To not stay committed to those causes and to those people and to those groups that I'm a part of, and to those groups that I can only understand from the outside that I still think it's important to support. Um, so it would, to me, it would be extremely hypocritical to not let those worlds overlap when and where I can.

If I'm going to be a powerful person, I should be fighting for what's right, and what's good even when I play in the shadows.

Interviewer: Last question,

Interviewer: What was the moment you understood that your power wasn't a mask, it was your nature?

Mistress March: I think there have been a lot of moments that helped me understand that power was not just a mask, it's my nature and they really all compound onto each other. I think that's what makes the power true as well. If it was fake, if it was a construct, it would be fragile. It would not be powerful. And finding my true, authentic power, my true authentic voice, the things that I truly care about, the things that I truly want to do, getting in touch with even just my chaos and my creativity and my sadism and my authenticity, and all of these complex, separate parts that can be opposite, but can also be both true at the same time, has been a never ending journey.

It's even still ongoing. But integrating all of those separate pieces and new ideas as I come across them and as they occur to me, will hopefully never end. And I think the same is true for anyone if you are looking to witness someone, find their power. There is no more beautiful thing that you can see in a person that you love, or a person you will grow to love because passion is one of the most attractive things that you can witness.

Or if you are a person who is ready to find your power and fall in love with yourself and have everyone around you learn and see, and feel who you really are, it's incredible. It's addictive, it's delightful. I would really encourage everyone to explore both sides of that.

Interviewer: I love that. That's pretty sexy. Mm-hmm. Hopefully everybody is loving that right now.

Interviewer: Thanks so much for joining us, everyone. It's been my pleasure to interview our favorite Mistress March. I hope you've enjoyed the conversation and that it is inspired some new thinking on your part, um, maybe some new ideas, some new inspiration, and hopefully you have some questions that you'd like to send in and have her answer the next time she is on the other side of the mic.

Mistress March: Wonderful. Thank you so much for joining us both today. I hope you got some exciting tidbits from the things that we talked about. Like I said at the beginning of the episode, if you have questions you'd like to submit for future episodes, just send an email to Hello@MistressOnTheMic.com and don't forget to tune in next week.

I have a very special guest coming to join me. My new friend Erica Lemke. She's a sex and relationship coach based here in Utah, practicing locally and online, and you might've seen her in season two of The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives.

Till next time, my darling, stay freaky.