CW: Situations involving potential drowning

Book and Ocean find themselves stuck in a precarious position. Surrounded by darkness and indiscernible depths, they look for a safe way down without drawing unwanted attention.

This one is mostly Uncharted 4.

Welcome to Oops!

All Apocalypses, a show where we explore the collapse of society by playing fun, tabletop role-playing games.

I'm your host, Stu Masterson, and I'm joined by just two other bricks in the wall.

That's a good song.

I'm Brady, and I play Book McCready.

I was about to start saying the words, but then I forgot what the fucking words were.

Of this song?

Yeah.

Another brick in the wall.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure it's just that over and over and over again.

Oh, it's we don't need no teacher, no education.

Leave those kids alone.

That was great.

That was really good.

This is why I don't sing.

You can't have the pudding.

Yeah, it's a good song.

Where were we?

I'm Brady.

I play Book McCready.

A slender sleuth in Stu's words, whose new arm jewelry was inspired by The Flash, the movie when the guy gets full of metal and shit.

Wasn't that movie canceled?

No, it came out.

The main actor was.

I meant, yeah, not in the way that I didn't cut it out.

You shouldn't be giving them money, Brady.

And I'm Jacob.

I play Ocean, a gentle giant who is regretting not taking out a better insurance policy on his spider.

That's a funny one.

I stole it from somebody.

I just couldn't think of a better one.

I was like, damn it, that's so good.

Yeah, after Stu said his rendition, the only thing that could go through my brain, it's like when somebody says, like, don't think of an elephant, except Stu was like, this is what you should do.

And my brain said, yes.

I'm glad I came up with all three intros today.

You did.

Everyone except throwing in problematic actor Ezra Miller.

This week, we are beginning our tier three questions.

I don't think they're called tier three.

This is set three of our questions to fall in love, meaning we're rounding out the bottom third of this before I have to come up with another way of introducing the podcast.

There's got to be another set of questions.

Just to kick off how good set three is, we're starting with an absolute banger.

Let's make three true we statements each.

For instance, we are both in this room feeling...

Dot, dot, dot.

That's their example.

Don't do that one though.

They already took that one.

Oh, that's hard.

Each?

Three each?

Yeah, I can do that.

You want to alternate?

Yeah, let's alternate.

We are both about to die.

We are both very uncertain about the path forward and the current situation we are in.

We both like fake Suvius better than the other person.

Dead Suvius?

Fake Suvius.

You like him better than dead Suvius, or you like him better than Ocean?

We like him better than each other.

What?

Oh, oh.

Ocean's never been so insulted.

It's true, is it not?

I think Ocean definitely has a stronger bond with Book.

He's no stronger bond, but who do you like better as a person?

I think Ocean likes Book better.

I think if...

Well, then I was wrong.

This is a question that when I was in high school, my ex at the time would throw at me all the time.

And the question was, if this and this were hanging off a cliff, you could only save one, which would you save?

I would save Ocean for sure.

Because also if Ocean and fake Suvius were hanging off a cliff, he would have to save Ocean or Book.

Can I guess an example of what she used to say to you?

Would she be like, if all of your Pathfinder first edition books were hanging off a cliff and also my integrity was hanging off a cliff, which one would you save?

I enjoy that.

I enjoy those types of questions.

Those are better than the if I turn into a worm type of line of questioning.

We are both probably spending way too much time away from our home at this point in time.

I agree.

We are probably going to get killed by Hickory Fleek when we get back, if we don't die doing this.

Very assuredly.

These were all major cop-out answers, by the way.

I'm sorry to our listeners.

I've sold out.

This is great if they haven't listened to any other episodes before and are just trying to get a recap of where it's been.

We are currently in the spider.

Let's think a little bit on a more deep level.

We are both fairly insecure about our place in the world.

Yeah, that's a better one.

OK, my three Wii statements are I have to cover all of us, right?

Yep.

We are all so happy that each and every listener takes time out of their day to listen to what we put forth here.

When it's sometimes very questionable.

Oh, I'm going to edit this so much that no one will know that that just took 45 minutes to get through three Wii statements that weren't very interesting.

We are all increasing in our interest in post-apocalyptic media, I would say, since this.

I really didn't know that much before this.

I just really liked Apocalypse World and a few post-apocalyptic things.

As if you recall from our very first episode, we could not name any post-apocalyptic movies besides Pine of the Apes and Wally.

We are all about to have a really fun time.

You said our answers were cop-out answers.

Let's get back to the action.

Let's do it.

Book and Uncharted 4, you are dangling over a massive chasm in a near pitch darkness.

This sounds like a bad situation to me.

I think this is a...

we have been in a very bad situation this whole time.

I would say probably Book should roll Read A Bad Sitch, Read A Sitch roll, since he has the only working light, since your headlights are now out.

I gotta say, I am very grateful about the upgrades the spider received, because I don't think we would have survived going through this otherwise.

Yeah, you would have certainly had to go on foot.

I have to make a Read A Bad Sitch?

Yep.

Read it?

Like Rollin Sharp?

Did you forget how this game works?

For a second, I did, yeah.

Son of a bitch, that's a ten.

Oh, that's a good number.

Ask me four questions.

I was expecting bad.

I think we should ask what our best way out is, right?

Out of this crevasse.

So what is our best way out?

What poses the biggest threat to us?

And what should we be on the lookout for?

Are my three real questions?

And then my fourth question is, who here is keeping secrets from the rest?

Spill it, boys.

I want to fucking know, fake Suvies.

You've been fucking sus this whole time.

I'm just kidding.

So my actual fourth question is, what represents the best opportunity for us to get...

Well, you said that the front lights got ripped off, right?

Completely.

They're broken.

Busted up and probably waterlogged.

What represents the best opportunity for me to remove this piece of metal in my arm and not take more damage and hopefully heal soon?

You guys are dangling by the harpoons of the spider, wedged into a few walls, while you have grinded to a halt in this massive chasm that extends down beneath you, kind of wedged in the wall.

And as you shine the light forward, you see the light just shoots off into the distance.

There's nothing very close in front of you.

Like you are not seeing any reflection.

The beam just kind of fades away in the dusty, misty air here.

There's still all sorts of detritus kind of floating around from the massive flow of water that just came through here.

But when you listen, you do hear like a waterfall still.

You look around and you can't quite pick it out with your light, but you do see way underneath you as you're shining your light.

You think you see some like reflections coming off of the light.

Like there's probably still water down beneath you in front of you.

You also hear what sounds like some sort of engine running, and it's not your own.

It's very quiet in the distance kind of echoing through the cavern.

It kind of sounds like a very large fan going, and it is in the area in front of you, which is in the direction that you're trying to get to.

Can you say which question you're answering with your responses?

It's way less fun when I do that.

But I just don't know what relevant, which information I'm supposed to be.

Suspect the fan noise is what were what poses the biggest threat.

Yes.

OK.

And the best way out is that there is water flowing?

Or is that what I'm supposed to look at?

Part of the threat.

OK.

As you shine this light around, like I said, you can't really see much besides the walls straight against you.

You can only hear this sound, this fan sound echoing through the cavern.

It's not really getting louder or quieter.

You can't really tell.

But far in the distance, which gives you an idea for the scope of the size of this cavern that you've just entered, you see little tiny pinprick lights that are in the distance.

You assume it has to be something electronic, giving off light after that giant flow of water coming through.

For your arm, you look down, the pain is kind of dulled now, which is a little scary.

It really hurts when you move your fingers, like you feel like the tendons are just kind of scraping against it on the inside.

But you know that Ocean does have magical healing powers.

Mm-hmm.

I forgot about that.

Genuinely forgot.

That's cool.

That's neat.

I like it.

You do be.

Okay.

So as far as the biggest threat is a big fan, the best opportunity for me to remove the thingy thing and not die is Ocean.

What I should be on the lookout for are the lights, I think.

And our best way out is forward?

The water is beneath you.

Yeah, I think going down.

But yeah, it's in front of you and beneath you.

Okay.

Got you.

Hey, Ocean.

Yeah.

Do you think you could take a look at my arm?

Yeah, sure.

Think, Book.

I turn around, look at his arm and holy shit.

How damn that's did pretty good to secure our car with that thing sticking out of you.

And he doesn't feel so good.

He grabs the the the metal shard and he yanks it out of the arm.

Oh, and then it hurts right after yanking it out.

I feel like we should have rolled to see if this was going to be successful or not first.

Right after yanking it out, he places his both of his hands kind of around the wound and then he what is the name of that ability?

Healing Touch, I think he tends to use Healing Touch.

All right, come on.

Plus two.

That's a ten.

It's a ten.

Ten.

When you put your hands on someone injured and roll plus weird on a ten plus, choose three.

Your touch takes their pain away.

Your touch heals their tissue damage and stops their bleeding.

Your touch knits their bones back together.

Your touch removes their disease and purges their infection.

I feel like the last three are probably the most useful.

Yeah, heals the tissue damage stops their bleeding.

And when I've removed the disease and purge any infection, just in case that way, you're getting some kind of like, yeah, we can't give you a tetanus shot just yet.

And then I'll take your pain away, and then I ask the MC whether they heal one or two harm.

Yeah, they're going to heal two harm.

Who?

Holy shit.

You're still unstable.

I'm still unstable.

Yep.

Why?

It's how it works.

We got to get you real healing.

That seems fair.

If I'm being honest.

Does it stabilize you have to seek attention of like an actual medical professional or something like that?

Yeah, you need professional medical attention to re-stabilize.

But as you put your arms around him, you see the blood just suddenly starts to drying like a crazy fast pace.

Like it was starting to gush blood as you removed it out, but it starts almost evaporating away and it leaves just this caked red mess on his arm.

And you see that wound just slowly sutures up just.

That's so gross.

This is why they call me red.

I imagine it's like the actual skin just kind of like acting like sutures binding together.

Little skin flesh.

Yeah.

It reminds you a lot of those weird sea amenity things.

Anemone things.

Now it ties together.

What are you guys going to do now?

Now that you have a mostly functional arm, you're dangling above this giant precipice.

Yeah, Ocean, what are we going to do now?

Well, there's water beneath us, right?

I think we need to come up before I do this.

I think we need to figure out one last little thing about the spider just to mechanically give it.

That way, I'm not just constantly firing a million and one pitons.

How many pitons do you think it would have to launch?

You can launch three at once.

But do you mean how repeatable is it?

I figure it's decently repeatable, but no, I meant how many that I have.

I think you can have three points of contact.

I think that's what we talked about forever ago.

I do think we said three points of contact.

I do recall that being brought up at one point, so I could be speaking out of my ass.

Like Ace Ventura?

Yeah, I think at this point, we're having one of the pitons is directly in front of us.

One piton is directly behind us, kind of holding us in the spot, right?

Yeah, but you are like wedged.

We are like wedged.

Oh, okay.

That's...

Can we shoot one just straight up?

Which angle are we stuck at?

Are we stuck?

Hot dog style.

Hot dog style.

Hell yeah.

Can we just slip forward?

I think we got to get a little bit of a vertical jimmy gun.

I think we should shoot one straight up.

I was actually just about to say, I think...

I shine the flashlight straight up.

Is there anything above us in range of the launcher boys?

There is the walls of the chasm kind of open upward, like a big V.

But you cannot see the top.

Am I able to open the door?

A little bit.

Directly below us.

Does it seem like it continues to squeeze or does it get widened up a little bit?

As he shines the light downward, it does get smaller, but you can't see the bottom.

So either it widens back up or it stays that way as it goes down.

Hey Ocean, do you have independent drive trains on your wheels?

I assume it has to if it's rugged and off-road.

So that's one of the big things about it.

Off-road vehicles.

What I'm proposing is you reverse the rear wheel and you put the front wheels in forward drive to start.

So basically, what I'm saying is you want to climb out of it.

So I'm saying if the rear wheel is rotating backwards, the front wheels are rotating forward, you'll climb out of the crevasse.

You could also fire one directly, because we still have one piton left, so I could fire it directly above us, the anchors, then we can use that.

Stu said we couldn't see the ceiling above us.

Well, I mean like into the, because it angles out, right?

I could shoot it into the side kind of up above, right?

I think from the other side.

Yeah, you could try.

There's two things I want to do here.

One, I want to do what Book's suggesting.

I want to try and see if we can climb out to unstick ourselves.

The second thing I want to do is I want to figure out if it opens up at the bottom.

So Ocean turns to Book and says, if we need to go down, we got to figure out if the spider is even going to fit.

So let's pull it up so that way we can get the door open, and I think I'm going to climb down there.

Oh, shit.

You're going to leave me in this fucking car, bro?

I think the car is safer than what's down there, Book.

Don't worry, you will not be alone.

I will stay up here with you, Book.

Unfortunately, Vesuvius, I'm absolutely going with Ocean.

Oh.

But you can come.

I plan on climbing back up, Book.

The moment I figure out if it opens up, then we can bring the spider down with us.

So you're saying you're going to stay down and direct me driving the spider?

Yeah, we could do that.

Or do you want me to climb down and direct you driving the spider?

Do you want to lower me down like a little?

We are wedged in, so I think I could probably pull out one of the two pitons because we're pretty darned wedged, right, Stu?

Yeah.

Okay, so at that point...

As much as a car can be between two services, but yes.

Yeah, because the thing is I trust you to climb down more, but I also trust you to drive the spider more.

So whatever you trust me to do more is what we should do.

That's tough.

Because I think both of us have different things we excel at in this situation.

And Book in this situation is none of them?

Yeah.

Ocean retracts the two pitons that he fired off on the side.

He slowly pulls them back in to see if the car moves.

The car does move.

It goes...

And kind of nestles down further.

But it does stay wedged.

It doesn't seem like the most stable thing in the world, I would say.

You wouldn't want to have a picnic on your roof right now.

I don't suspect.

Next, Ocean fires one of the pitons directly above into the wall across to kind of steady the spider and hold it.

Give me a try something challenge.

It's an eight.

You shoot it, and it grinds into the wall.

It's at so the wall is at like an angling away from it, and you shoot it up like this, and it kind of wedges in at a like 120 degree angle with the wall, if that makes sense.

Yeah, yeah, I see what you're saying.

So that's two points of contact now, or just one.

Just one.

All right, I'm going to fire one of my pitons to the other side to kind of hold us.

Just like point blank into the wall.

Yeah, just to kind of hold us in there.

Yep, you don't have to roll for that.

That shoots into the wall, and it buries like halfway through the spear portion.

Yeah, just in case.

All right, I'll pull it so we're nice and taut.

And then I point one of the pitons down, and I fire down as low as it will go.

Alternatively, you could...

I could just take the piton, hold on to it, and you could lower me down slowly.

I could.

Yeah, that could work too.

Which one do you want to do?

I'm going to lower down slowly with him.

I want Ocean to like release the piton, and I want to start pulling out lengths of rope, and I want to tie like a loop, and kind of wiggle myself in, and then I want to lower down.

Give me a Try Something Challenging rope.

Respectfully, no.

Yeah, that's an eight.

You get out of the car, climb onto the roof, Ocean's very easily able to retract it, it starts cranking back in, and you start grabbing that rope, and you're like tying it around you.

Not cranking it back in, cranking it out.

Okay, you're tying it around you, then cranking it out.

Yes, to lower me down.

Let's say I pull out six feet of it, tie two loops, and then put my legs through, and then tie one more loop, and I use that to hold with my arms.

Okay, you know you're standing on top of a car that's not stable in pitch blackness while you're doing these many, many things.

Okay, as someone who's notoriously not good at tying ropes.

No, no, no, not tying shoes.

That's two ropes.

He's tied ropes extremely well.

It's just they can't get them untied.

Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Okay, so you can't untie them.

And I mean, I did get a partial success, so, you know.

But it has to fit the fiction of what's happening, which is you being in absolute pitch blackness.

Excuse me, this is the most real, honest thing that we've ever done in this fucking podcast.

Okay, I'll assist somewhat by having the light that Book you were carrying.

I'll angle it up to you once I'm confident that the spider is stable.

I'm gonna hold it up to light up your stuff.

Oh yeah, did I leave the mobile light in there?

I guess I did.

I was gonna say, I should probably take it with me, so I can...

Oh yeah, yeah, you can take it with you.

Oh yeah, that's true.

I know I can still illuminate stuff as you descend.

But then also I won't die in the pitch darkness.

So I have a light stew, so...

We will trade Vesuvius for the light.

So I think I repurposed the shoulder mount for the light for Vesuvius, so maybe if I took Vesuvius off, I can put the light back on.

Does that work?

Yeah, yeah, that's what I'm saying.

So I hold Vesuvius gingerly, I'm like, All right, Vesuvius, cross your fingers.

My fingers are crossed.

Okay, how are you getting off over the edge?

Are you just like crawling down as far as you can?

You're hiding now.

You're hiding on the roof.

Off the car.

Yeah, so I'm going to like, I'm going to, so if you're picturing the front of the car, you know, I have my slack, I'm going to tell Ocean to tighten it up, and I'm going to stand up and lean back against it, go towards the front of the car, and then we tell him to start lowering me down.

So that basically my body weight is hanging off the front, and as he lowers me, I'm just going to kind of swing under the car, or the spider.

As he starts de-cranking it, giving you some slack, you lean over the back and fearlessly plunge down.

As you fall a little bit, it throws off kind of the center of balance of the car, and you feel the whole thing start lurching forward.

Are you going off the front of the car?

Yes, I'm going off the front, because the back car is, it's a single wheel in the back.

Yeah, the whole car starts lurching forward as it kind of throws the balance off, and you're now underneath the car that's almost pointed down at you.

So you have a little better view of them, Ocean, from here.

But you hear a lot of creaks and cracks all around you.

Creesh!

Hey, Ocean.

I wave.

All right, do you see it lowering at all?

Is it opening up in the slightest down there?

I look down and I point the light below me.

From where you're at, it looks pretty much exactly the same.

Exactly the same.

Just eternal darkness?

Yes.

You see the walls kind of go down a little bit, and then you shine the light and you can't see anything underneath.

Can I touch the walls on either side?

If you go down far enough.

You can definitely touch one right now.

It's cart width.

So if you can reach from one side of the cart to the other, you could.

As you go further and further, it gets a little skinnier.

Goodie!

Ocean, can you crank me out another 20 feet?

Sure thing, Book, and I crank him down a little more.

As he gets to around like the 15-ish feet, you feel it start lurching a little more forward, but it doesn't come fully up.

Book, I don't know how much further I can let you down without compromising both of our safeties.

Just a little further, and if you let me down a little further, I can stand, I can wedge myself in, and I'll stop pulling on the car.

How much further down do I have to go before I can kind of wedge myself in like Spider-Man?

Uh, like three feet.

Ocean, give me three more feet of slack.

I'm trusting you, and I give him three more feet of slack.

And I want to wedge myself in like Spider-Man.

You feel it too, Book, that the rope starts kind of giving way a little bit more as the car rotates more and more, but your feet end up barely touching the sides, and you're able to kind of wedge yourself in.

Like Spider-Man?

Yes, like Spider-Man.

And then I want to swing out like Spider-Man.

No, no.

I was going to say the whole car is gone.

I am going to...

So, so...

Man, I'm going to do something stupid, and I'm going to step out of the loops, because if the car goes forward, I don't want to get pulled down with the car.

And I think I'm in a point where the walls are too close together for the car to hit me, I think.

You're Spider-Man-ing between these walls, so that's going to be a physical task to maintain yourself if you're not being supported by the car.

So it's going to be burning your quads out.

You want to go for that?

But if I keep going down, if I allow myself to lower down, eventually it will be easier, right?

A little bit.

It doesn't go down to human width.

It goes down to...

You're going to be having to press against the wall.

You're trying to crawl down a flat surface with both sides physically, which can be done if you're a very strong boy.

Like in Emperor's New Groove?

Yeah.

Yeah, but he's also light.

You can try it.

I'm not saying don't try it.

I'm just saying you're going to have to roll for it because it is something that's physically difficult.

I didn't want you to get the impression that you've come down to a point where you're just chilling, sitting there.

Can I see what's below me yet?

It does look like it starts opening up a little bit more.

Your light seems to shine, and you see some reflections underneath you.

If you had to guess, you would say it's probably water underneath you, but you can't tell.

It's just too dark.

You just see some little glints.

Oh, okay.

I have an idea.

I have an idea.

I want to...

Are there any cracks in the rock next to me?

Yeah, it's pretty craggy.

I want to wedge the peaton into one of the rocks.

So what I basically want to do is I want to get the peaton wedged in, and then I want to sort of...

So right now I'm hanging from the car side, and I want to flip so that I'm hanging from the peaton side.

And there might be slack for now, but then eventually as I lower, I'll be hanging from the peaton instead of hanging from the car.

This is so dangerous.

Give me an act under fire.

That's a 12, baby.

Okay, you wedge this peaton in there, and you push it hard, and luckily, somehow Ocean keeps these sharp enough to go through rocks.

You don't know his manufacturing process or anything, but as you push, you feel this grinding underneath it, and it actually wedges itself deep into this crack.

Ocean, I have wedged the peaton in.

I don't think I'm hanging.

I don't think any of my weight is on the spider anymore.

Can you give me the full slack so that I can keep lowering myself down?

Yeah, I'll do it.

And I give him the full slack.

I was going to say, I want to shine my light up at the three wheels of the spider, and I want to see how much contact they have.

Like, how precarious is Ocean right now?

Okay, give me a read-a-sitch roll.

What is 7 plus 2?

That is a 9.

That is a 9.

Good work.

Do I get a plus 1 on my read-a-sitch roll for my previous read-a-sitch roll?

Okay, so that means I get to ask two questions?

Two questions, yep.

What poses the biggest threat to Ocean, and what should I be on the lookout for?

And he's already started letting out some slack?

You told him to let out the slack?

I did.

You're looking up at his light?

As he's letting out the slack, the rope starts falling down beneath you.

It looks like he gets a whole last another, like, 20 feet, at least, beneath you.

He's a long, long boy.

He's got here.

He's used to having to dive pretty deep into tunnels.

So it dangles far below you.

As you shine up and look at the spider, you see these familiar long tendrils starting to reach towards the top of it, and it looks like a good size of them have already wedged their way in through the snorkel near the roof.

Oh, shit.

No.

Ocean, Ocean.

Yes?

We've got a problem here.

Lay it on me.

Do you remember the snake, the...

Fuck, the tentacles that were in the ceiling?

Yeah.

What about them?

They're blocking the air intake of the car.

Oh, fuck.

And you see there's just a few little strands.

It's like three long strands that have made its way to your car, and two of them have started...

are already within the snorkel.

You don't know how deep they are yet.

And then another one is wrapping around the passenger side of your car.

Oshin, I think you need to clear the snorkel.

Otherwise, you're going to be breathing carbon monoxide.

Okay.

And also won't be waterproof.

Oh, Oshin grabs his trusty shovel.

I have my gun, right?

Sure.

I assume we brought all of our weapons.

I do have a gun if you want me to try to shoot the tendrils.

Oh, I've got my gun, too.

Don't worry.

I'm worried that moving too much is going to cause the card at this lodge.

A wise concern.

Oshin pulls out his shotgun, and he shoots at the tentacles to see if he can sever them.

Make sure they don't wrap around them.

Using the shotgun to kind of like hit as many as possible to see if he can sever those tendons so they're not holding on to the vehicle anymore.

Yeah, sure.

Give me a do battle.

Okay.

That's the one thing I'm pretty good at.

So you said there's water below me?

You think so.

Statistically.

Do you think you could drop something down to find out for sure?

That's a good idea.

It is an 11.

Nice.

So you get a full success on either act under fire or attack someone.

I'm gonna put the full success on attack something.

I'm gonna seize hold of something, and I'm gonna say I definitively seize hold of the spider.

I'm gonna get them out of my way, and I'm going to pin them down so they can't get closer.

Okay, I like it.

You go and you unleash, and your shotgun does two harm close?

The combo, three harm, close, messy, and reload.

Yep, because I replaced it with a combat shotgun that we found with the sp...

in the spider area.

You go and you shoot, and you aim well.

You lean out of your car door, wind blowing in your hair, dangling over this massive chasm.

You pull the gun up quickly and just give off one shot, and this huge blast echoes through the entire chamber.

You hear it echoing all around you.

You hear like little drops of water trying to combat the sound of this rattling shotgun.

And then a split second later, you hear this shriek coming, and it sounds like it comes from right where you shot, right where this thing breaks.

You just hear this piercing shrill sound.

As it sizzles downward, it looks like you fried up bacon very quickly, and it kind of wraps up down.

You notice Vesuvius also shortly after that gives a quick yell out, where you go, oh my goodness, and you look inside of the spider, and the ones that were in the snorkel have plopped down into the back seat, and they somehow ambulate themselves to launch in your direction and start wrapping around any exposed flesh you have, which is not a lot for you, so I guess it's mostly your face region.

Oh, probably my hands too.

Hands and forearms, probably.

Okay, and then they would mostly go around your forearms, and you feel just these pinpricks of pain.

It's just like very sharp pain.

It feels like nerve pain almost.

As they touch you, and you take two armor-piercing harm.

Oh, it's like a Portuguese Manowar.

It's just colonies of fucked up little stinger fuckheads.

But after your shot of three harm, they sizzle away on your flesh, and they get like hard and crusty almost right away, and you're able to just kind of slough them off, and they fall down into the darkness underneath you.

So you feel like you've fully taken control of this.

Where they shrieked away, you don't have any light.

It was a pretty lucky shot, I guess.

I mean, it's a shotgun.

It's got a wide berth, so...

Well, no, Book was shining the light up.

Yeah, he's shining.

Okay, you're shining the light up.

It seems like it has at least recoiled away.

You cannot see any sign of it, Book, or Ocean, from your better perspective, I guess, with the light.

You can't see any sign of this thing.

It seems like it's fully gone away.

And Vesuvius is just in the back seat, kind of panting hard.

Book, you hear, as there's slack underneath you, you hear that fan sound getting louder.

And then a massive light shines up in your guy's direction, and you can see its origin point, which looks to be moving very quickly underneath you.

I realize that Ocean's not going to be able to get out of his predicament without his three pitons to be able to wrench himself out.

So what I'd like to do is I'd like to knock, I'd like to try to drop something to hear if there's water below me.

Oh no.

What are you going to drop?

Is there any loose rocks I could kick?

Not here.

It's a pretty sheer wall.

Anywhere else, there's a rock in the apocalypse.

Do we hear little splashes from those little tentacles falling?

They were too bacon-y.

I feel like if you dropped bacon, it would sound like a wet slap no matter what it hit.

I have some salvage.

Ocean could throw something overboard if you want him to.

I don't know that we have time.

I'm debating between the light and the gun.

Oh, not the light!

But yeah, I throw the gun.

Which gun is it?

Automatic pistol.

You throw it downward, and about two seconds later, you hear a splash.

Two seconds.

It's still decent.

And the light getting below us is getting closer?

Yes, the origin point of light is getting closer.

The light itself sweeps across you very quickly and blinds you with its brightness, and then moves up to the spider, and it stays pivoted on that.

Try to make friends with whoever grabs me.

And I want to turn off the radio so that it doesn't short circuit.

I want to turn off the light so that it doesn't short circuit, and I want to drop down into the water below me.

Do I hear him?

Do I hear anything?

I don't think so, because as you're dropping, Book, you hear as well, both of you hear, but you hear it, and maybe a more terrifying sense when you're in pitch blackness, rocketing towards what you hope is deep enough water, you hear an unleashment of machine gun fire.

Oh, fuck!

Ocean, you hear it hitting all around you, just spraying up your area.

What would you do?

We'll get back to you in a little bit.

Oh, and I can't...

the big blinding light.

Yeah, you can see where it's coming from, but it is very hard to pinpoint where it's actually at.

There's just this huge, very, very bright light shooting directly at you.

Ocean curls up to kind of get himself protected as much as he can in the spider, and then he's going to yell out, Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Stop shooting!

Stop shooting!

You think you're probably too high for them to hear you over the machine gun fire.

In that case, Ocean is pretty sure, judging by that ominous message, that Book has decided he is going to plummet down.

I guess I didn't explicitly say you can one-trap him.

But now that he's being shot, Ocean retracts the pitons as fast as he can at the bottom, pulls it up, pulls all of them back in, actually.

I'm going to say he fires two of them.

Well, as you pull them all back in, you start sliding downwards.

So you got to react quick, because you had gotten dislodged, and you were like at that angle.

So you were not wedged in as well as you were before.

If I'm sliding down, actually, that's kind of what I was hoping to do, is dislodge myself enough that the spider can slip through the hole, the crack, to get down to where the water is, hopefully.

You want to do something that's probably going to be in Fast and Furious 14, where they're driving down a wall.

Yes, that is exactly what I want to do.

Give me a handling, give me a Deal of Difficult Touring roll, which is handling plus cooling.

That is...

Wait, no, plus my handling.

It's a nine.

That doesn't matter, actually.

That doesn't matter.

On a nine, you're going to have to choose one.

You slow down and pick your way forward.

I'm going to say that one's impossible.

You push too hard and your vehicle suffers harm as established.

I feel like that's going to be what's going to be the move, because the other option is you ditch out and go back to find another way, which will be you literally leaving your car.

I think the spider's going to be taking some harm.

Oh, God, please don't destroy the spider.

Its first outing.

You start wedging your way.

You...

Let me rephrase that.

There's no starting involved here.

This is pretty, pretty disastrous.

This is very sudden.

As you pull back all the pitons, you immediately lurch forward and start falling down this chasm, and you try to engage your gas to kind of give some grip on the walls so you can kind of guide yourself a little bit towards this crack.

But you definitely start separating, and it's more of a freefall pretty quickly.

You kind of turn into it a little bit so you're able to angle yourself.

So you do fall in the crack in roughly the same area that Book vomited down.

But as you're going downward, this crack was too small to fit the spider, as I said before.

So your two left wheels get completely torn off.

Oh, sorry.

There's only one left wheel.

Your left wheel gets completely torn off.

I keep forgetting it only has three wheels.

So here's a benefit for it.

There we go.

Your left front wheel is completely ripped off as you fall downward, and eventually you feel a large, loud, crunching splash as the front of your car kind of dents in a little bit, as you smash into the water beneath you.

Book, as you let go, you ended up plunging into this surprisingly cold water.

It immediately just, you feel this shock wash over you, and you fall deeper into it than you would have expected.

So I heard rumors you can't swim.

Yes, I cannot.

I cannot swim.

Okay, that's good.

So what are you doing?

I can't see.

Yes, you're in dark darkness.

Real quick question about my fall.

As I am falling, do I see the source of the light that was shooting at me?

Yes, they can't keep their light trained on you.

They didn't expect that, I would say.

And you see the origin point is about 40 yards away from where you're at in the wall in the water.

As you're heading downward, you're able to tell they're on water.

There's some light.

They quickly shoot the light down, and you can see it reflecting off the water before you crash into it.

Okay, back to Book.

Can we say that Book took a real deep breath on his way down?

Yeah, I feel like that's pretty likely.

So Book is not able to swim, but he does understand that air is lighter than water, and so he's going to basically just try to stay still and stay calm and then kick, just kick with his legs to try to push himself back up towards the surface.

Trying to dead man's float it.

Yeah, yeah, very much so.

Okay, give me a try something challenging.

Yeah, I thought you might say that.

Yeah, that's a six.

You focus, you stay calm.

You have a solid breath of air in.

You're like, I'm going to be okay.

You look up and you realize the surface is pretty far away from you.

You dunked in way deeper than you expected.

You have like 20 yards of just water above you.

But you're like, I can stay focused.

I can keep this air in me.

And I can slowly kick my feet and rise back up.

After a little bit, you realize that you have not gone any higher.

You are, in fact, sinking further.

Oh, no.

And then you hear a loud crash splash as the spider plummets to the ground near you.

You are in pitch blackness, so I don't know if you can actually even see what that is.

But there is this huge wave of water that kind of pushes you out of the way.

And as you turn around, you're able to get even at least a reference point for your height, as there are some somehow still illuminated neon lights about like 100 yards away from you that are advertising some cheap beer, is what it says.

And in this bright purple neon that is glowing, and you can tell in reference to that, you are getting lower.

You are not getting closer to the surface, which is not a good thing.

And probably a little terrifying.

Ocean, you smash into the water.

You also have no light.

Luckily, it is still airtight, so you feel like it may bob up to the top.

You're not sure if it will float or not.

You didn't ask him the buoyancy of this.

But you notice from the crunch of the front of your car hitting flat water and the surface tension at a fall of that height, there are some small leaks that are happening around the bottom of your windshield.

You see some water starting to come in.

It looks like a shitty windshield on a super rainy day, so not necessarily like immediately concerning.

But you don't think you could stay down here forever, and it would probably get worse.

We need to stop adventuring.

Yeah, we don't do very well.

We have not had a single successful outing.

We have not.

Except for our prequel.

Yeah, our outings have been pretty terrible.

Oh, God.

Look, you see, none of you are doing anything too quickly, a bright light shine through the water and fully illuminate what is clearly the spider.

That's probably about 20 feet away from you.

Okay, I can't swim, so that's cool.

That's very neat that I noticed that.

Since it seems like you're fairly helpless if you don't have any novel ideas, let's give Ocean a read-a-central.

Okay.

That'll give you a sharp, too.

You haven't got to roll sharp in a while.

Oh, shit, that's really good.

That was a 11.

Ask me three questions there.

I can answer your bonus question, who hears the most afraid?

It's Book.

I'm going to say, what is my best way back to the surface?

My best way, I guess, out of the water from my current situation?

What should I be on the lookout for?

And what represents the best opportunity?

Who or what represents the best opportunity for me to find where the hell Book is?

I'll do that last one first.

As this light fully illuminates you, you see there's some scattering of light through the spider, and you actually once away from it, and you see as you look away from the light, just the barest silhouette of what you are certain in your heart is Book, just impotently kicking about 20 feet away from you.

Pointed straight upwards, but you see him slowly descending about 20 feet.

You think if you like immediately surfaced from here, you would actually be in a potentially even worse spot because there's a person with a light and a pretty large machine gun that you would basically be a sitting duck or a fish in a barrel as you surfaced.

So you think if there was some way you could throw them off, get them to leave or convince them you were dead, then they would maybe not at least have a machine gun trained on you and you'd be able to get away.

Not a lot of good options there, but that's really the best one I can give you.

When there was the large crash, you hitting the front, it actually popped open your glove box and a bunch of confetti flew out.

So there's like confetti all over your thing and you see a very nice handwritten note and a box that is like now crunched up.

Hurly Ocean grabs the box and opens it up and pulls the note out.

Okay, you can't read.

That's f***ing true.

That's f***ing true.

Vesuvius!

Vesuvius!

Can you read what this says?

Yes, yes.

Is this important for our predicament?

He reads it for a second and he says, this is not important for our current predicament.

In the box, you see a very weird collection of things.

There's a couple small books.

There's a bunch of, I don't know if you know what this is, but there's cash and there's a wooden pacifier.

Okay, what does it say?

Oh, you want me to read the note?

This is from SlimothyGymothy, and this is some sort of apology letter for some things that may have been accidentally stolen from books when they stayed there for the first few nights.

Apparently, he had been able to track down some things that people had taken from some very secure places.

Okay, this is not important at all.

Machine gun fire starts ringing out around you.

You see the very cool slow motion underwater Mission Impossible bullets ringing through all around you.

A few of them do seem to hit the spider.

I don't like what I'm about to do, but I think it's all I can.

Ocean looks around.

Is there any bag here that can be decently waterproof that I can put some stuff in?

You have a tarp.

You have...

I would say you have probably a waterproof backpack.

Ocean grabs the waterproof backpack.

He stuffs the stuff that he finds in the glove box in it.

He stuffs Vesuvius.

His head is like, Vesuvius, this is for your own good.

No, I appreciate it.

I put him in the waterproof backpack.

I just grab as many of the knickknacks I can find in the car that might be useful for when we get out of here, if.

Mm-hmm.

1D4 knickknacks.

Yeah.

So I guess some of the trade goods.

I grab the guns.

I grab, I'm sure he keeps a few rations and stuff in the car.

He's going to put a single hand on the spider and be like, You're good to us.

I'm going to take my two front pitons.

I'm going to aim it, and I'll fire it directly up into the ship's hull.

And I'm going to pull as hard as I can, either pull myself up straight up into the ship or pull the ship down into me.

Holy shit.

OK, give me an attack someone, I think.

OK, attack someone.

Oh my God, that's a 12.

You have a full success on attack someone.

What do you want to do?

I'm going to inflict terrible harm.

I'm going to get them out of my way, and I am going to pin them down.

I like that very literal pin them down.

You shoot two of your spiderwebs upward, and they make perfect contact, one right near the stern, one right near the bow.

And you start cranking them back at their full strength, and you feel a ton of resistance at first, but then you realize you're starting to rise up at the same time this boat is getting pulled down under the water.

And as more and more water starts coming over the top of it, it's more of you pulling it down than you going up.

A crack forms in the middle.

As it gets closer and closer, you're able to see it's a very large airboat with two huge fans on the back, and it had this huge spotlight and a large mounted machine gun on it.

But it won't very long.

As you pull it underwater, and this seam appears right in the middle, probably where it had to be repaired one time, and they did not do a super good job because it's the Apocalypse.

And it splinters, and you hear screaming, and you see little splashes of people enter the water around you as this gets pulled down underneath.

The light gets wrenched off.

Without anything holding your ropes taut, they kind of just sling down into the water, and the light is connected to one half of them, and it just sprays this beam all around you, shooting into the dark waters.

It illuminates Book for just a second.

It kind of crashes onto the bottom of the underwater lake.

What are you doing next?

Is it giving me enough pull thrust, just like pulling up for me to keep rising up?

Yeah, you still have momentum going upward.

Are you trying to get all the way to the surface?

Yes, I want to get all the way to the surface.

I have to damage your vehicle somewhat from that.

It's taking a lot of...

If Book wasn't underwater, a single tear would be going down his cheek, and he'd be saying, it's beautiful.

I think we can probably repair it.

We just need a new fuselage, a new wheel, a new engine.

We fixed it the first...

We built this ourselves the first time.

You start continually rising up.

Like I mentioned, one half of it gets kind of slung under with the light on it.

The other half is a little bit heavier and has the machine gun on it, and that gets pulled basically straight towards you, and you hear it crunch against the front of the spider, and you see the whole top...

The front apparatus that controls one of your spider webs gets completely smashed and grinded.

The kind of spool you have there just crumples in.

So we've lost the front too.

Yeah, it slides off and plummets towards the bottom.

That actually ends up a little near you, Book, as the machine gun, which has someone pinned in it still, and you see them kind of yelling and bubbles streaming from their face as they're pinned.

It looks like one of the spears actually went up and kind of wedged into his leg and also smashed into the machine gun.

So he's kind of yelling in pain, running out of bubbles as it crashes a little bit near you.

Ocean, you make it to the surface, and you see around you, there are actually a few flotation devices from it.

You see a couple of the people from that boat are swimming towards them right now.

Okay.

Once it surfaces, I am going to slap the, grab a waterproof backpack that I made.

I'm going to strap it to myself.

Well, no, actually, I'm like Vesuvius.

Wait here for a sec.

I'm going to leave it in the spider because the spider is now surfaced.

Ocean is super concerned for Book because he has seen him thrashing about limply in the ocean, in the lake multiple times now.

And he is going to jump out of the spider and start swimming to get to Book.

Give me an act under fire roll.

And you can actually have, okay, you don't need advantage.

You have an 11.

Obviously, that's an 11.

Yeah.

So the reason I was going to give you advantage is it's actually a little easier than normal because there is this large rope that is connected to the weighed down machine gun that lets you kind of follow that line and pull yourself down.

Instead of just swimming, you're able to grab onto this thick rope and pull yourself fist over fist, hand over fist.

That's the words people use towards where you think Book is.

Book, give me a read-a-sit roll.

Ooh, doggy, that is a 10.

Nice.

Ask me up to four questions.

If you don't feel like you need all four, that's okay.

Yeah, I think my first question is going to be the thing that I've been putting off asking, which is, how close are the wolves?

I want to know what represents the best opportunity for me to free the man from the machine gun.

And I would also like to know what poses the biggest threat to me, and what represents my best way up.

Finally, that light kind of wedges itself in one position on the floor of the ocean, providing kind of some stable illumination upward.

So the area around you kind of glows a little bit, and the beam shoots upward towards the top.

So you can see right where the surface is, and you get this silhouette of Ocean pulling himself hand over fist towards you.

He's still kind of near the spider when you first notice him.

How close the wolves are?

You feel like there are no wolves anywhere close to you, but there is some sort of essence of a wolf somewhere in the general spider region.

Just like you get a little kind of feeling of it around there.

Which is probably Ocean slash Vesuvius.

They both have Essence of Wolf.

That sounds like a really good perfume.

Yeah, it does.

I would wear Essence of Wolf in a second.

Sounds like a good band name.

Does it feel like it's coming from Ocean or Vesuvius, or did they put like, or is there maybe something else going on?

It's that area that they're in.

Okay, interesting.

Is all I will say.

It's not super specific.

It's how close are the wolves?

Right, sure.

They're about spider distance from you.

That's fair.

That's fair.

The guy who was wedged, it looks like you would need to pull out the spear from the other side.

Like, he has no hope of being able to get out of it because you need leverage from the back side of the boat that he's pinned to to be able to pull that spear out.

The biggest threat besides the fact that you have literally seconds less left of oxygen in you before you're going to have to take a breath.

It is starting to hurt your lungs tremendously, and you're reaching that point of tremendous panic.

Another large threat, that's probably the biggest one that I'll give you a little bonus threat, of as the light's shining towards the top, you see one of the men has safely made it to one of the flotation devices.

So there's someone who was recently trying to shoot you, who is relatively safe on the surface.

Okay, I think when Ocean gets down there, Book is yanking on the guy's leg, trying to pull it out of the piton, even though you said it's hopeless, like he's stuck for good, right?

From his side, he's definitely stuck.

It would take a lot of strength to pull it out from the other side, basically.

That's what I was trying to say.

So it went up through the bottom of the boat, pierced his leg, pierced into the machine gun.

So to pull it out, you'd want to pull it out from the bottom, basically.

Like he can't pull it up through all of that, most of the way to stay on the bottom.

So from the outside, there's a chance someone pulls it out, and he could swim to the surface with one leg.

It would still be difficult.

You would have to roll for it.

I'm assuming that the peon has some sort of, like, eyelet.

I'm going to try to wedge the cane sword into the eyelet, and use it as additional, like a fulcrum, to try to pry it out of the machine gun, so that even if, so like the worst thing he would have to do is he'd have to push it back through his leg.

You know what I'm saying?

Okay, give me a try something challenging with advantage.

Interesting.

Okay, well, the highest was a 10.

Okay, so yeah, you're able to you pull, you wedge it as hard as you can, you struggle, and you feel like it's just compounding to the fact that you don't have enough oxygen in your muscles right now.

You're starting to get kind of lightheaded.

You realize you have to breathe soon, but then you feel a sense of relief as it unlodges itself.

And there is this sudden spray of blood that kind of clouds your vision.

Ocean, you see this large spray of blood and this person trying to swim his way to the surface and book underneath you.

Considering all that occurred, and even though they're shooting at me, a lot of carnage for just shooting at us because they thought we were in danger.

Ocean will grab both of them.

He'll grab both of them and he'll try and swim to the surface because maybe they'll get in our good graces.

Grab them both by the scruffs of their necks.

I think as your hand wraps around my lapel or whatever you're grabbing, I am fully in convulsions, trying not to take a breath in.

Yep, I can imagine.

It's probably not easy.

So you plunge 10 feet beneath where both of them are, turn around dexterously like a dolphin, and swim back towards the surface.

And on your way, as your whole body moves, you grab both of their scruffs and start pushing them towards the surface.

And you're quickly able to get back towards the rope, which will get you a good portion of the way there.

And you're able to kind of pull them up, get back to the spider, and then launch off of the top of the spider to make it the last little bit to the surface.

And you crest the surface.

Book, you get that big welcoming gulp of fresh air.

And you see on a flotation device about 10 feet away from you is a man with a bandana around his face holding a pistol trained at both of you.

Thank you so much for listening to this week's episode of Oops!

All Apocalypses.

I hope you enjoyed having me too this week.

We are trying to catch back up after a missed a leaf.

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