On this episode of Elements of Community, join Ruby Fremon as she guides us through the concept of integrity and intimacy in leadership. Through her experiences as a transformation expert, Ruby dives into how essential it is to be candid within yourself and with those around you - providing real-life advice on building more honest relationships between ourselves, others & our communities.

Integrity is at the core of Ruby's leadership as she encourages others to exercise complete self-love, prioritize themselves, and be intentional with how they lead and serve others. She demonstrates this through her unafraid, relatable, and authentic presence in the space occupied by her community. 

Sharing stories and engaging in genuine conversations with them instead of talking down from a pedestal forms an intimate atmosphere of understanding between her and the collective. This helps foster a sense of security for those in attendance, allowing them to be seen in their true forms without judgment or shame. 

Integrity follows throughout her work method as she continues to evolve alongside her community as it grows. As a leader, she has continuously opened up these tight circles so that everyone can access resources to tap into their most authentic expression without being encumbered by societal expectations.

Other subjects we covered on the show:

• Ruby knows there's nothing like a little 'mind-space' for creativity to take root. She believes that when you give yourself a chance to unwind, your best ideas come alive!
• With no more than a hopeful dream and savvy marketing strategies, Ruby had the amazing experience of watching her online community explode--growing from nothing to over 5,000 members!
• Through her powerful message, Ruby Fremon demonstrates why it's so important to engage with your followers on a personal level. Establishing a genuine connection is the key to attaining loyalty and long-term success in any leadership role!
• Lastly, Ruby's philosophy emphasizes the importance of collaborative relationships, where both parties establish and respect boundaries.

AND MORE TOPICS COVERED IN THE FULL INTERVIEW!!! You can check that out and subscribe at https://pbp.li/eoc36.

If you want to know more about Ruby Fremon, you may reach out to her at:

• Website: https://www.rubyfremon.com/
• Grab her book: www.potentleadership.com
• Listen to her podcast: www.rubyfremon.com/listen

           And connect with her online: @iamruby

Ruby, I am delighted that you are able to join me. You and I have known each other for what, four and a half years or so, and I have really appreciated every way that you've shown up in my life. So thanks for being here. And yeah, would you like to introduce yourself to the audience?

Yeah. Well first of all, thank you so much for having me. It's like we're reconnecting after a really long pause, so I'm happy to be here. My name is Ruby Freemon and I am a transformational guide for leaders. For leaders who are really seeking to deepen their inner work, to deepen their presence and to cultivate a sense of integrity and intimacy in their leadership.

That's be. beautiful. And I have been one of those, for those of you who don't know.

Yes, you have been. So it's really cool that we get to reconnect in this way.

Yeah. My community right now as it stands is my online community on various platforms, and it's a community that I have been nurturing and growing for many. Many years. It's a community that I see as a community versus as an audience, which is typically how people look at their social media communities.

And it's a community that I really, truly value and honor, and again, because I view them as my community and not just an audience.

That is so cool.

So having, here's one of the reasons why I'm excited now that you've introduced it, now that people can keep up a little one of the reasons I'm excited about this is because the first element of community is common language. And obviously, you and I have been connected for a while.

Yeah, I mean for me, the way that I've built my community is through trust, and trust is built through relatability, so constantly showing up. Real without the masks unafraid of showing up in my humility and showing what I don't know as well as what I do know which really has helped cultivate a community that feels seen and understood.

They see themselves in me because I'm not afraid to be real. And so it's helped me cultivate a community of people who are really authentic or people who desire showing up in more authentic ways.

Yeah, I love it. So I actually remember, you know, again, we've been following each other for a while. I remember when you changed your profile picture from a sideways facing pose. And to leaning into the camera and your hands were up like this. What was that, two and a half years ago?

It's interesting cause I don't remember that at all. I don't remember the photos. I tend to stick with one photo for a really long time, so it's interesting that that stood out to you.

Yeah. How else do you use. Do you use carefully crafted language to help people interact with you as though it were two directions?

I'm actually feeling into the emotions behind what it is that I'm sharing. And that has always worked for me because again, that's what appeals that to other people's hearts. There have been times when I've used. You know, crafting strategies for messaging, and sure it works, but it lands on a different type of community than the one that I'm cultivating, if that makes sense.

I love it. That's a beautiful reframe. I would argue if you're open to it, that's still carefully crafting. So you're crafting yourself, you're crafting the way that you approach you know, however it is that you do your writing, your keyboard or your notepad by. Managing your internal space, to bring in that inspiration, to bring in that heart, to bring in that feeling, and then you're allowing your words to flow through that.

Sure. I mean, it's not a word that I would use, but yeah.

Sure. I love it. Yeah. That's a cool, I really, I'm enjoying that reframe. I'm letting it settle in because cause I can play with that too.

Yeah. I mean, for an example, a real life example, very early on in my career, when I first started in 2014, 2015, around there, I would actually set out time blocks where I would write my social media content. And now I don't do that. Now it's, I write when I'm in the moment, I could be making dinner in the kitchen and something lands and I'll grab my phone and I'll write it and put it in my notepad.

And it doesn't have to go on social media right away. But there's something that came from my heart. It could come right when I'm coming out of the gym, out of a workout, and I'll just put it in my notepad and there it is. And then all I do when I bring it to the social media landscape is copy, paste, stick a picture with it or create an image with it, and we're done.

That's so cool.

Are there times that you're not willing to write?

So, of course, yeah. When I'm stressed out or I have a lot going on, a lot my plate for sure the creativity will not flow.

Yeah. I feel that. I was traveling for the last probably six weeks. And this episode's gonna come out in a little while so people will know when this was recorded based on that. So I was traveling for the last six weeks and I got back over the weekend and I sat down and I started writing and I actually wrote an entire book over the weekend.

Now, I mean, it's rough and ugly and needs editing work. But That was six weeks of worth of writing that I didn't do that just fell out of me.

Yeah. And that's the best feeling.

Yeah.

I'm like, shit, I gotta get to my keyboard with some brain space to write for weeks. And it wasn't happening cause I was traveling of course.

And I get home and boom. 70 pages.

That's the best way though. When it flows out of you, when it flows through you, that is the best way to share what it is that you're here to share.

Yeah. Thank you.

You're welcome.

You have a thing or two to say about leadership.

Your book last year, potent Leaders was, you know, if I may say so, a potent book. I have one myself what, if you don't mind me asking, what makes a powerful a potent community leader?

No megaphone, no pedestals, speaking with the audience in conversation with so that they can see eye to eye so that they can actually speak with people, hear them, see them, acknowledge them. That to me, is potent leadership, and that's the direction that I believe truly, that humanity craves, desires. And not just on the, you know, personal development, entrepreneurial space, but in the corporate space as well.

You don't, and it's okay. So humility is also a huge factor for potent leadership. It's necessary to know what you know and, admit what you don't know, and just show up as a human first and a leader second.

Yeah. Hell yeah. amazing. It's also OG you know, we didn't start with pedestals. We started with our family, with a, you know, a small group of families. And, we were all hanging out together and one of us was speaking, not at, but with.

Yeah, exactly that. Several episodes ago I outlined what I call the skills of adulthood. And one of them I called fluid leadership. And this, I think you'd have a lot of fun with this. It's knowing when to seize leadership. Not to take it away. Leadership is sitting there waiting for somebody to seize it, right?

You're not taking it from someone. You are, stepping into it and then knowing when to cede, CEDE, give up. Release leadership back to being available to the tribe for the next person to take it.

You wanna, you want to dive into that and have some fun with it?

It's just, the difference is, it's like, where do you want to take your leadership? But we all have the responsibility to lead our own lives. So there is fluidity in that where we, you know, for me, my priority is always the, the devotion to self. Because the better I can show up for myself, the better I can lead my own life, the better I can lead and serve others.

Yeah.

And I have that fluidity within my life where I know when to lead and serve others, and I know when to lead and serve myself, and I know when both are necessary at the same time. So it's important for people because I know some people I've talked to and they're like, oh, you know, like I don't really see myself as a leader, but you are, right?

It's you.

Yeah. Beautiful. One of the ways that you showed that to me today. So for those of you who haven't been on the show, when I kick off the show, I have two different spiels that I have to give before I kick it off. Now they're not sales spiels, I'm not selling anything. It's, this is how we use the platform and here are the elements of community.

And it's just setting the stage. But, because I have to do it so often now I also have to do it for myself.

And you were like, you were like, yep, you have to do it. Go ahead, do it

It's really exciting to me and I can always find something that inspires me from every single person that I work with. And again, like that takes this depth of potent leadership. The type where it's like you're willing to see the other leader and the other person you're willing to see that leader meet that leader or respect, honor that leader for what they have to bring to the table for what they have to offer.

And I think it's a really beautiful reciprocal thing.

Yeah. Well said.

Thank you.

Yeah, I think one of the things I learned really early on, and I'll share a story, okay, I'm gonna start with this. Is that it, in order to build a community, there needs to be this like common purpose.

That's how people feel like they belong. And again, that is one of our innate needs as a human being, a sense of belonging, but it's not a belonging to just anything.

I focused on self-love. I worked only with women, and back then Facebook groups were the brand new rage at that time. So I started a Facebook community because I thought, I just wanna get a bunch of people who are devoted to learning more about self-love. How can I do that? Let me just start a Facebook community and see what happens.

I started the group and it was called Self-Love Tribe, and it was a private community. You had to put it, I think back then there weren't questions, but you just had to request to be brought in. And then I would just let people in. . And within six months, that group organically grew to 5,000 plus members.

And I always just felt like another number in the group. So with my group, I really wanted to acknowledge every single person that stepped in. So once a week or twice a week, depending on how many requests I was getting, I would do a welcome post and I would accept all these people welcome. And then I would tag them in the welcome post, welcome so-and-so, so-and-so.

And sometimes it would be like 30, 40 names at once. And then I would ask a few questions and have them answer in the comments, and I would literally read every comment and answer back. But to me that was important. I wasn't doing this as a tactic or as a gimmick. I really genuinely wanted every single person in that group to feel welcomed, to feel seen, to feel acknowledged.

Cause quite frankly, I was part of a lot of groups where I just felt like a number. I've been part of a coaching programs where I felt like a number and that just doesn't sit well with me.

Yeah. Amazing. I hadn't heard that story before. Thank you.

Wow. And we're, I mean, we're starving. We're, so deeply craving, but not from like a sugar craving kind of thing, but like from a soul craving, like we just need to feel connected.

Yeah, exactly. That's a perfect example. It's like, I don't need 50 acquaintances, you know? If I have three solid best friends, I'm good. And, and I've taken that same approach with my business and. You know, my model's a bit different than other coaches, and I don't think there's a right or wrong.

And with the online community, the way that I do that, because I have a large online community, is I take the time to. Respond to reply like it's me. It's not a bot, it's not an assistant. I, literally will schedule carve out time to reply to queries, to questions, to comments from my community on social media platforms, because it means something to me.

I think we could all learn from that me included. That was a beautifully crafted. So for those of you who don't know, and you actually may not even know this, Ruby was the second person with whom I shared the womanhood approach that I put up in episode 29. Ruby was the second person that I shared that with. And I'm sharing that,to move into the intimacy. I have a very good friend who defines intimacy as the sharing of stories. And,while it's [00:23:00] true that this framework that I've built, and now I, by the way, I call it now the goddess framework, and I have it built out, and it's really cool and people are engaging with it, and I'm having some really powerful success with it.

That all started with you. So this friend of mine defines intimacy as the sharing of stories. So once you've shared a few stories, your level of intimacy goes from acquaintance to maybe friends. And once you've shared many stories, I don't know how many, 30, 300, you go from friend to maybe best friend and then.

Mm. Yeah, that's awesome to hear. The way I look at intimacy is and this is a huge piece of the work that I do, is your willingness to be seen and to see others. I think that there's, you know, we all have our natural protective mechanisms that we build through our learned experiences and traumas, and we get to show compassion for those parts of ourselves.

But we also get to. Keep learn how to keep our hearts open. So the more willing we are to be in that practice of being seen and seeing others, the more intimacy we cultivate.

Yeah. And honestly, everyone does. I still work at that. I think this is, again, like we all have our form. Of protective mechanisms that are there and we get to acknowledge them without any shame, blame, judgment towards self. It's just what we learn to do in order to keep ourselves safe due to whatever traumas or experiences we have had in our lives.

And then when we reach this place of like conscious adulthood where we can look at our lives with awareness, that's when we can begin to break some of those. Walls down. And as we start to break down those walls, we start to meet ourselves at deeper depths. And as we start to meet ourselves at deeper depths, we get to share those depths with other people.

Yeah. Amazing. Wow. How are you helping your community now step into that?

Yeah. That's amazing. And I, you know, to the extent that it's applicable, I've gotten to play with that as well in our relationship. You know, you put up powerful posts and you know, social media gets busy. Especially for creators like us. But, somehow, weirdly every single time your post shows up, it's exactly what I needed to see.

It is, it's amazing when it happened. I'm like, oh, I needed that today. Thank you. Ruby

yeah.

Yeah. You do a really phenomenal job of, at least from my perspective, of helping me, to remember to be grounded in me.

. Yeah. Thank you for reflecting that and I'm happy that is helpful.

Are you open to chatting about that a little?

I mean, I look at this as boundaries, right? It's like honoring my energy and protecting my energy as well as maintaining a sense of integrity and respect in the spaces that I am in. Whether that is the social media space. You know, a lot of people wanna be like, this is my Instagram account. You can't do this.

And it's like, well, technically you're using another platform. So it's not yours, and if it's a public profile, you're welcoming anyone to see it. But I know my boundaries. I can't control other people's boundaries. I think it's silly when people say, this is my space, my rules, if you wanna be here, here are the things.

Agreements that we make and the agreements are really there to set the tone for the container because it's not, I don't look at it as you are entering my container. I look at it as we are now going to enter into a relationship, which means we are co-creating this container. So here are the Agreements.

And that went on for three hours. And then when she finally got in, you know, our date was long gone. cause it had been three hours that she was drinking with friends, which again, I'm all for it. Do that. And she was like, are you angry? And I said, yes, I'm angry. I have, for me, I have two rules, that we're gonna have to follow in order for this to work.

So rule number one, there is no rule until we agree on a rule. And, once we agree on a rule, then that exists. And, you know, from this point forward, I don't ever get to be angry with you if you broke a rule that I didn't set out, that I didn't discuss with you, that we didn't agree on. And neither do you get to be angry with me for the same thing.

. . Yeah. Every relationship is a co-created space.

Yeah. And, that it was a powerful conversation for her. It was also a powerful conversation for me. From that moment forward, I started approaching all of my relationships that way. That it, you know, we don't have rules until we agree on one.

. Yeah. It's a great way to co-create.

So, Anytime. And this one's been a challenge for me to accept too, but it's my responsibility. Anytime my expectations are not met that's my problem.

Yeah. Cool. Thanks for sharing.

Of course.

Anything else you wanna talk about on that?

No, I think I'm good on that one.

Cool. I'm about ready to wrap up. I usually wrap up with three questions. First one is for the people who have been as inspired by you as I am, how do they find you?

Well, a good place to go is my website, rubyfremon.com. And then if you wanna connect with me on social, my handle is at I am Ruby on all the platforms. And then I've got a podcast called Potent Truth and a book called Potent Leadership.

and it's an amazing book and it's a great podcast.

Thank you.

Not holding back, I'm reflecting. No, that one's hard to. I don't come into podcast interviews or conversations with expectations. I think the only thing that I enjoy is just the free flow and the surprise of the questions that get asked. I always, that always feels good, is let's just go with the flow.

Yeah. I have a very good friend who believes that doing your research ahead of time before you meet somebody is like essential to showing them respect. And It totally understand where he is coming from. And in today's digital age, I can't disagree with him. But also I really like the surprise

Yeah.

So I'm, I hear where you're coming from. I, can respect that. Third question. What was in line with your language?

What was the surprise to you in this conversation?

And you can't say my picture.

I mean, I still can't remember that, but Yeah. I guess just the surprise, huh? I think it's hard to be surprised when you don't have any expectations. I think when we have expectations, it's easy to be surprised because something throws you off, but when you just arrive open to anything, you just flow

Yep.

Be free of expectations and flow.

Yep.

Yeah. Thank you.

You're welcome.

Any closing words?

Just to remember that your audience deserves to be treated as your community. And if you continue to treat them just as an audience, that's the same thing as continuing to treat people as they as if they are expendable. And if you wanna create any form of longevity in your leadership, you have to create loyalty in that that building of community is necessary.

. Yeah. Well that was for me. Maybe the people listening get some out of that too, but that was for me.

Yeah.

Thank you.

Thanks for joining us this week on Elements of Community.

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