Happy Valentine’s Day! In the spirit of the holiday, we’re breaking down the concept of spiritual partnerships, which can exist in your romantic relationships, family, friendships, and the workplace. 

Spiritual partnerships can act as a platform for personal growth, enabling a positive impact on those around us, as well. In this episode, we explain how to own up to your individual responsibilities, share in your mutual journey, and embrace the expansive opportunities that come with a spiritual partnership, whether that’s in your home, your workplace, or out in the world.

Caitlin: So, here's a quote from Gary Zukav, who wrote The Seat of the Soul, and he is, I think Oprah has said, the most influential spiritual teacher that she's had in her life, and that she keeps a copy of this book on her bedside table. So here's a quote from it. A spiritual partnership is a partnership between equals for the purpose of spiritual growth.

Nothing like this archetype has existed before because nothing like it was required before in the human experience. And spiritual partnerships can be created in a biological family, they can be created among friends, they can be created in the workplace, they can be created anywhere that two or more individuals are committed to their own spiritual evolution and are striving to relate to each other as equals.

Adam: So. What do you love about that?

And so it's like this shared mission of growing yourself. To have a positive

Adam: influence in the world. Yeah, I love that. You know, I think Gary has said this many times, and I know Oprah has iterated this comment, and I've heard it elsewhere, so I don't know if he was the original person that made the quote up, but basically it's like, you know, we're all spiritual being having a minor physical experience, right?

I always think of us like that for some reason That's an analogy that always pops in my head Which is like there could be a hundred different little like circles that have individual flames But we're all part of the same flame just like a wave It looks like it's separate from the ocean because you go, oh, people go, oh, there's a wave, people don't go, oh, there's the ocean.

They say, oh, there's a wave, but the wave is never not part of the ocean. Just like that flame is never not part of the whole source of the flame. It just depends on how deep you go. So that's why the starting off with this current, with the quote and just that, that concept of we're all a spiritual being, that's the depth, that's the, that's the, that's the, the water itself, right?

The depth of the flame. A spiritual being having a minor physical experience. And then everyone has their own physical experience. Right, because we all are noticing something different, just like each flame is hitting a different part of the pan itself, right? Does that make sense? Like each part, each part of the flame is having its own different experience of what it's doing just like it is here, but it's all part of the same source.

I mean, even the universe, like everything's created it, whatever, whatever it is. Right. That's again, we said in our last episode, the earth could literally just be gone in a half a second. And in the universe itself would just wouldn't even blink an eyelash. Like, it would be like nothing happened. I mean, how many.

Galaxies were, like, swollen up in the last hour. I mean, I don't really know the answer to that, but I know there's, like, billions of galaxies, or trillions of galaxies, and billions of stars in each galaxy. Right? I mean, that's where black holes come from, is they're swallowing stars, like, every second, right?

That's why we all look so different and act a little differently and have different things, but yet we're all part of the exact same source. It's like, it would literally being like your right hand is not the same part of you as your left hand. But your right hand is just as part of you as your left hand is.

It's literally like, so two people are just like your right and left hand. Even though they're having two wildly different experiences and physically they're separate from each other, you're still part of, you who's experiencing this little flame here is part of, it would literally be like, like if you had two different gloves on.

You're just having your own individual experience, and then your personal self concept that you created, which, again, a self concept is not real, it's a concept that's created by you, and only you, by the way. Like, I didn't create your self concept, right? You created your self concept and keeping it there.

No one could. And even if you're in the same room, you have a different, different things hit you differently based on the experience. So even if you're in the same room, the experience comes out and takes things differently. Just like this podcast, the, the, the, anybody that's listening to this is, if you put ten people in a row and said, what'd you get from this podcast?

Everyone will tend to. Slightly agree, but it hits them differently or different words say different things or the things they didn't like about it or the things they do like about it, which is the wild thing. So a, a, a, a partnership in itself in life has to first start by understanding the basis of who, who you are and who is the other person sitting there.

And so therefore it gives you more compassion to enter into their person. It's not making life so much about you. Reminds

So kind of, I think along the lines of what you were saying, that, um, it's this idea that like, oh, when you see consciousness as somebody else and you recognize it as the same as you and you're like, oh yes, there I am. Right. The universe is like, oh yes, there I am again, and it's like we fall into these trances of thinking we're these individual beings who are not connected to others, and then we wake up, and we're like, oh yeah, there, I see myself in the other person and the other person in me, um, and that's part of the dance

Adam: of life.

Yeah, yeah, it's first, you're, you're, you're spot on, it's, it's Remember, it's not to confuse your thoughts or your concepts are the same. Those are different. It's who's the person, who's the awareness, is a better, I forget the word, person. Who's the awareness recognizing that your concept or your ego is different?

And that's why people struggle with it. So much. And so in the first part of like, specifically in like spiritual growth partnerships, like in your, in your, um, obviously this can be in business relationships, this can be in, in personal relationships. Um, it can be in anything. Like I know, um, I did a bonus episode.

We were talking about 15 years of marriage in our relationship and you know, to, to paraphrase the 12 minutes that I, or 15 minutes that I did on that, it was, The lessons that I've learned is, you know, we are all spiritual beings that have a amount of physical experience, and what I wanted to describe there, and so therefore, we should enter into any relationship going through life, relaxing, releasing, and then using Both of us as a way to work and involve ourselves.

But I used to, like, sometimes when people were really challenging in my life, like they either sued you or they did something that, you know, was, was completely, you know, just malicious in your life. What if that person, like I, before you even came dropped down to earth was like, look, Sorry to do this to you, but like, I gotta go in there and wreck your shit up for a little bit because this is all part of the plan.

Like, this is all part of you learning how to deal with this, so I'll see you back here, right? Like, type thing. Like, I always, and the reason why I use that, it's like a positive affirmation because I just do it that way because it then gives me the space to see the problem differently so that I can then solve it.

But, um, you know, I always kind of think of like if we're, if we're, if we're only here for a moment and we're back out of here. And some people, or worse, people come in here and do crazy things to us. Is it set up? I don't know. Is it not? Like, you know, just And in either way, to me, it just always made me a better person, so I've just always bought into using that as a way to get outside of that anger.

Caitlin: It's kind of crazy that the more you work on letting go of your ego, the more you can recognize, see, understand, and have compassion. Um, toward other people. It's like the less you have of you, the more you see of you, but it's a different you. It's not the ego you, it's the awareness you. And just kind of strikes me as like a paradox, you know, one of those,

Adam: um Well, it is a paradox, right?

Like, that's a form of it, but it's literally like, even like, maybe somebody who doesn't have any of that stuff, right, and they're so caught up with being the best community member, right, and that themselves is preventing them from sharing being the best community member itself because there's so much pressure on them.

Yeah, it's like

Caitlin: you can get so caught up, and I've fallen into this trap. For a long time, but in trying to be good, that you actually forget how to just be good, because it's like you're striving toward proving

Adam: it, you know? Yeah, well, and when you do that, you, you, exactly what you said, you just, you can't share who you are.

Like, you can't share the light that's within you when it's all tied onto you. So again, um, I love this, like, what is a spiritual partnership, right? And I think the easiest way to think about this is a place where you come and you work together to grow together, whatever that means. And I've given examples of this before, like, in your personal relationships, right?

Like, it's like, I just, I don't know why I always use this one, but like sometimes when Sarah eats like a chip, I've used this example before, like I've been reading a book and like, it's finally quiet in our house, like our kids are out or they're at somebody's house for like two hours and I'm like, this is wonderful, like I can read for a few minutes and not have to listen to Audible like sneaking off.

Instead of letting it build up and then saying something that has nothing to do with the chip. And then making it seem like you're just an asshole, like that's what I, that's what I used to do. Right. It would be like, God, you have to eat so loud. Like, and you're saying in such a way that just ruins the whole mood.

Right. And like the energy of what it is.

Caitlin: I'm the chip eater in our house and my husband, like, any little noise like that, he's a musician so he's very, like, attuned to sound and um, but then I would have the reaction like, what? I can't eat chips around here? Exactly. Like, you know, so on the opposite end you can still bring, obviously, the egoic reaction

Adam: in.

It doesn't mean that when you relax and release in that moment that your ego goes away. In my experience, the ego starts becoming more agitated when you're trying to relax and release and like your partner or in a business setting because it doesn't have to be your personal relationships in a spiritual business relationship.

Yep. Any relationship, somebody could be doing something and acting that way and you just want to respond from that and you're just relaxing and releasing. It doesn't go away by the way, it usually intensifies. So like, and again, with Sarah eating the chip, I tried to relax and release the first like seven chips she ate and it was like, it wasn't.

So at some point I also recognized that if I sit here long enough, I may say something that is not the highest way that I can perform. So therefore I'm going to actually say it out loud. To kind of get it out there in a way that's like, okay, you're not going to hold me. It's almost like you're saying it in a way that like, you know, I understand the mind is saying this right now, and you're not going to get me to pay attention to you.

And can you tell them you love them? In the middle of the most heightened of how you feel right now, can you do it? And the answer is for 99 percent of people is no. It's not that you physically can't. It's just that the ego is so strong in you that it's preventing you from actually saying those words.

But the funny thing is, is you know in five hours, or six hours, or an hour, or wherever long that process goes, you'll come back and be like, man, I'm so sorry, I love you. And what changed? Your ego stopped holding you down so much. I do feel

Caitlin: like it's really helpful to hear somebody say too, like, I'm really struggling with my ego right now, so I'm going to take some space.

Adam: It's your life, that's why you're here, is to evolve, so that's the, that's the, all of the accountability you should bring into all of this.

And you're never going to do it perfect, right? We're not going to do it perfect. That's part of the human experience, is being imperfect. But if you always, if you make a mistake, go, man, that just, it just happened again. Like, I just, you just keep You know, you just keep kind of working those things.

Obviously, if there's a situation that gets really, that's like, dangerous, or some of those lines, that's a whole other story. You should remove yourself from the situation. But I'm talking like, again, eating chips, or like, not liking the way somebody cleaned the house, or like, didn't, you know, you didn't put your toothbrush the way it is.

I mean, there's all these things, right, like, that are just like, bothering, you know, that cause suffering that then can bring that energy into the household.

Caitlin: Yeah, I think that's a really important point to make and I think a question that comes up for a lot of people. Does surrendering mean like you just let everything happen and know like, yeah.

Adam: act and just go. Yes. Remove yourself. Yeah, absolutely. Remove yourself from a situation. Yeah. Yeah. It's not about, um, surrendering, like, oh, I'm supposed to surrender to, to this, whatever it is. No. If there's a harmful physically or even emotionally situation that you need to remove yourself, remove yourself.

Yeah. And you just, that's it. That's as fast as you do it. I

Adam: and friendship?

Yeah. A lot of questions that people have is like, you know, what does Adam look like when he's like in with friends? Like, what are you doing or what does that, what does that look like? And it's just very ordinary by the way, like you just do kind of the same way and nobody wants. all so much for watching and I'll see you in the next video.

I just don't think it's, the appropriate is not the right word, but you know what I mean. Like I just don't want to engage in that or drama or anything like that and you just don't engage. Like it's not like I, people ask that, like do you stop, do you walk away? I just don't respond, right? And I just, or I just, I just.

People know that, by the way. People know whether you're doing that, and people will see patterns and be like, Oh, he doesn't really engage in gossip or drama, or when I say something along those lines, I see you never respond, or different stuff like that. And then they ask you about it, and you go, Yeah, it's just, and you just explain to them, it's just, to me, it's X, right, whatever it is.

And it gives them the opportunity, I think, then to go work more on themselves. And so I think you can use all of friendships that way. They look very ordinary, like you can, you know, you can talk about football, you can talk about, you know Business, you can talk about spirituality, like, it's just, you just are interacting with the moment, enjoying what you're doing.

I think in business, I think there's a way to link to the two together, um, and I don't think we're great at it, but I think we do a good job of trying to communicate to all of the people that are in our organizations, similar concepts that we talk about here, maybe not at the same level of depth, but I get an email back and somebody says, you know, I'm really bothered the situation.

So by, by, that's what leadership is, is actually getting people into action, a different action that benefits them and the organization for a better result. And so in situations like that, there's so many of those things that pop up that you can use business as a way of being like, okay, you're teaching them how to do that for their business, but you're also teaching them how to do that for their personal life, right, and any of those things.

So that's why you want to. Pause, reflect, and then handle that. And you give people the tools to be able to do that. Essentially, which is one of the reasons why we wrote the 200 percent book, right, is that 200 percent Life is a model for how you can, again, you can, you bring 100 percent outward and inward into whatever you're doing.

It can be your friendships, it can be business, it can be your personal life, it can just be life. And it's a model for how you can approach everything and aim a little higher in your life.

Caitlin: What do you think about like business partnerships where both people have said, like, yes, we are in business together and we want to use this opportunity to work on ourselves.

Like, is that something that you see?

Adam: It's beautiful. I don't see it very often. I mean, I think most people come to a business partnership and go, you have some strength, I have some strength. It's also just more fun to have a partner, like, just to be able to go through the ups and downs of it, the success of it.

Like actually, you know, even in Michaela Schifrin, if you know who Michaela Schifrin is, we're big into ski racing, she's the most decorative medal winner in all of skiing right now. And she grew up in Burke, you know, obviously right around the corner. And Mike Day is her coach. A lot of people like Mike and Mike's now teaching my kids and so it's like, um, you know, when she was winning, the first thing she would, she would honor her coach.

Like they honor, they, cause they, cause they did, they did the work, but there's always, no one succeeds alone. So there's always somebody right there helping them get through those different things and everyone wants to celebrate with them. Right. And that's part of the, the, that kind of spiritual experience that people have, whatever it is that you're putting your attention to.

I was like, yeah, sometimes there's a lot of growth, right? And there's like, you come home, you're like, wow, that was a growthful day. And like, I just need to go like lay down, right? Like it's such a growthful day that like this is there, or you need to go growthful day. I need to go have a glass of wine. And you're just being real.

Like, you're just like, you know what? This edge is really strong right now. I need to go meditate or this edge is really strong right now. I need to go for a run or this edge is, I've come home before and like, you know, it's like, you're feeling like you're on that edge. You know what I'm talking about?

It's like, as long as everything's good inside, like I'm going to be fine. But then you come in and it's not fine and so I walked in there and I find myself for 45 seconds wanting to yell at somebody. So I always just in that moment just walk outside and I'm like, I can't bring this in there. And it's like, you're never perfect at it, but you just be mature.

They had a really growthful day. I always find just saying that to my kids. Like, the other, actually, I'll tell you what happened was, was we had a four day weekend. And there were some things going on in construction that were just difficult. And I, I was just like I find myself so short with my kids and Ashley goes, Jeez, Dad, you don't, you can just, like, I forget what he said, like, just, like, I was just asking, you know, some of those lines.

And I told him, and I go, you know what, you're right, you were. I said, I had a lot of growth today. It was a really challenging day. And so you're right, you don't deserve to get this part of me. And he's like, well, what happened? Right? And then I started telling him a little bit about it. And then I felt way better.

By the way, if anybody ever yelled in a meeting or said something or sent an email and just, they came up afterwards and said, look, like, I was going through a lot, I shouldn't, like, You can't do this every time, right? But like, you know, we, I think people understand the boundaries, but if it happens and people can take action, responsibility for action and then bring that into the moment, especially the faster you can do it.

I think it's just, as, as, that, that is using the relationship as a spiritual

Caitlin: practice. So it sounds like there's almost like kind of two ways you can have a spiritual partnership. You can have like a, one that you've consciously almost in one way entered into. You've had the discussion, like, this relationship, the foundation of our relationship is that we are growing.

Adam: with people.

That's exactly right. We can label them, personal relationships, business relationships. Friendships, acquaintances, but the reality is, is it's the same principle. It's the same model, and that's why when people ask, like, you know, um, You know, I do a lot of podcasts, people say, well, you know, what is your why, or what is your mission?

You just never know how the light clicks. You know, Steve Jobs said that better, right? He's like, you can never connect the dots looking backwards. You just gotta trust in the fact that the dots connect themselves. And that's kind of like, you just, if you raise the moment up, the dots are connecting.

Meaning that you have the highest probability of connecting the highest dots that you could if you're raising the moment up. And that's, to me, if you're living that life in any relationship that you're doing, the best that you can do that you're doing, you, you, you can't live a higher life. And it doesn't, again, it doesn't mean you're going to be perfect, it doesn't mean you're going to hit it, it doesn't mean you're going to be successful, it doesn't not mean you're going to be successful, it doesn't not mean that you're going to be perfect for two weeks, whatever it is, it just means that you're always doing your best in your intention.

Yogananda used to be really big on this, right, the intention of will, right, like what he used to talk about, I don't know if you've ever seen his writings, it's always about will, like using your will to, your intention is there. And I think that, that just, that holds true in this conversation, which is just, your intention has to be from the start is, I want to raise the moment up.

There may be some delays along the way, and that's the growthfulness that comes. So you just keep getting up and you keep with the same intention, which is I'm just going to raise the next moment up. I know I just screwed the last moment up, but now I'm going to raise the moment up again. And you probably didn't screw it up because it's probably something you need to grow forth anyways.

Caitlin: Right. Well, kind of the example that you gave with Asher is like, you had this moment of disconnect, but then it's the coming back that actually strengthens and builds the relationship.

Adam: Yeah. And then whenever I get really caught into something, again, I, I, I've said this in the last couple episodes, but it's just something that's been there is just remind yourself for a second, the totality.

So just. Just, it should bring some lightness into your life to aim a little higher today, right? So if you can, whatever relationship you enter into, whatever conversation you're having, if you can just raise it a little bit more, um, and have that intent going into it to be the highest intent that you can, you can't go wrong.