Reclaim that intimacy between the two of you outside of the setting where you parent, work, do your normal life.
–Christal Allen
Has your relationship taken a backseat to everything else in your life? I’m really excited to talk with Christal Allen, a certified Life & Relationship coach, about how we can reconnect and work through some of the stuff that gets in the way of a satisfying relationship.
First, let's acknowledge that all the caretaking—kids, parents, pets …— can be draining. When we feel like we don’t have a full cup, putting something into our romantic relationship can feel like one more thing we have to do. If you’re thinking, “Why do I have to be the one to do something about our relationship?”, we get into that!
Do you have a list of things that your spouse does right or wrong? Things that you want them to do that they don’t? Things you think they should just know? A sense that things could be more equal. You’re not alone. Christal suggests starting with getting clear on what equality looks like when it comes to managing your household and when it comes to you and your relationship. Once you know that, can you communicate it in a way that is not blaming or criticizing?
We talk about:
- The conversations we have in our heads but never with our partners (and how that doesn’t work) and not giving up on communicating your needs
- Recasting the stories you are telling yourself as truths
- Four steps to rekindling a spark in your relationship: picture the result, what do I need to do, what do I need to feel, what do I need to believe about my relationship to create this result
- Defining date night for you and your partner
- How to get talking and reconnecting if you’re a little rusty
- What to do when your partner is ramping down or retiring and you are coming into your own
BIO
Christal Allen-Harrahill is a mom, wife, and certified Life & Relationship Coach. She is the Strong Marriage Coach for professional women who want to stop having the same fight with their partner.
Through her Private Coaching and Mastermind programs, she helps women create Strong Marriages through Identity Transformation. This work results in them improving their relationship and running households that support their dreams.
Christal is relatable with a down-to-earth vibe that makes you feel seen, safe, and cared for. She believes women are change makers, and that families and generations are forever changed when women engage in their own unique transformation.
When she is not spending time with family and friends, or helping clients, she is learning something new, enjoying the outdoors, drinking tea, or watching The Golden Girls!
LINKS
Doable Changes from this episode:
- PLAN A DATE NIGHT. Date night doesn’t have to be dinner out or a movie. It can be walk together, going rock climbing, taking a class. Date night doesn’t even have to be “night.” It can be going to lunch or out for coffee. Date night is a space for you and your partner to reconnect. Decide together what you’d like to do, or take turns planning something you think you’d both like.
- START TALKING. If you are deep in caretaking mode, it can be hard to talk about things other than the kids. Question packs for couples can help jumpstart conversations and help you both get to know each other better.
- FIND THE TRUTH. Are you stuck in a loop of “He doesn’t support me” or “never does X”? What if you restate that. For example, instead of “He never does anything around the house. I have to do it all.” Try: “I'm thankful that I'm so capable in taking care of this household and I have a husband that helps.” Next doable step, communicate what kind of help you would like more of.
