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Welcome back to another episode of
Tammy's Takes, where we take powerful
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conversations with our guests and
turn them into practical strategies
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you can use right here, right now.
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So if you missed my first conversation
with Isabelle Chiara, I highly
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recommend you go back and listen
to that episode after this one.
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Isabelle has such a unique way of
looking at healing, and both of our
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conversations have centered around
something I believe every adult child
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of dysfunction needs to understand.
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Healing starts from within, from the
inside out, not from the outside in.
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So in today's conversation, or actually
yesterday's conversation, Isabelle said
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something that really caught my attention.
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She talked about paying attention to the
conversation you're having with yourself.
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When she said that, I couldn't
help but think, "Yes, but it
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goes so much deeper than that."
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Because after years of working with
adult children of dysfunction, I've
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come to believe that something that has
completely changed the way I coach people.
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The voice in your head isn't always yours.
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Think about that for a moment.
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How many times have you caught
yourself saying, "I'm so stupid.
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I never do anything right.
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I always mess things up.
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I should've known better.
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Why can't I do everything?
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I'm just too sensitive."
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The list goes on and on.
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And find that people actually
assume that's just who they are.
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I don't.
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I think those are borrowed voices.
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You see, none of us came into
this world criticizing ourselves.
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A two-year-old doesn't look in the
mirror and think, "I'm not good enough."
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Children learn who they are by
listening to the people around them.
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If you grew up in a home where you
were encouraged, comforted, and
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made to feel safe, those voices
became part of your inner world.
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But if you grew up walking on eggshells,
if love felt conditional, if your
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emotions were ignored, if you made a
mistake and you got punished, or even
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if you learned that what you said
didn't matter Your brain adapted,
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not because something was wrong with
you, because that's what children do.
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Children don't question their
caregivers, they question themselves.
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A child can't survive believing the
people they depend on aren't safe.
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So instead, they make
a different conclusion.
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They internalize it.
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They flip it around.
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They figure it must be me.
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I'm too much.
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I'm not enough.
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If I could just be better,
maybe I'd finally be loved.
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Those are the things children think
in their heads, and those beliefs
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do not stay in childhood, my friend.
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They become automatic thoughts.
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These automatic thoughts create
emotions, and these emotions create
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physical sensations in the body.
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So what happens?
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Your shoulders tighten, your jaw
clenches, your breathing is shallow.
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Oh my goodness, how many of us walk
around and you're taking a shallow breath?
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Pay attention right now
to how you're breathing.
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So many people are taking short breaths.
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Your stomach cannot up.
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It feels like something's
sitting in your stomach.
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You have no appetite, just, ugh,
it feels that gross feeling.
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Eventually, honestly, your body
starts reacting physically before
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you've even had a conscious thought.
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That's why I say your inner voice
doesn't just live in your mind.
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It becomes your nervous system.
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And this is why so many people
get frustrated with healing.
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Because they've read the book,
they've listened to the podcast,
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they've repeated the affirmations,
they've tried positive thinking,
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but every time something stressful
happens, their body reacts before
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their mind has a chance to catch up.
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You can stand in the mirror all day
and say, "I'm worthy, I'm enough,
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I'm safe," but if your nervous
system has spent 30 or 40 years
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preparing for criticism, rejection,
or abandonment, - your body isn't
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quite convinced yet that you are safe.
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And that's okay, because healing
isn't about forcing yourself to
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believe something your body isn't
ready for Healing is about creating
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enough safe spaces that your body
slowly begins to believe a new story.
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That's why I teach healing
through body, mind, and spirit,
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because you can't separate them.
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Your thoughts affect your body,
your body affects your thoughts.
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And when you reconnect with your spirit,
with who you truly are beneath all those
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survival strategies, you begin to realize
that honestly, you're something beautiful.
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You were never broken.
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you adapted, and you did it well.
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You did it out of survival.
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Your nervous system did exactly
what it was designed to do.
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It protected you.
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The problem is, is that what protected
you as a child may now be preventing
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you from fully living as an adult.
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So let me leave you with a
simple exercise this week.
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The next time you catch
yourself criticizing yourself,
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don't argue with the thought.
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Don't try to replace it
with a positive affirmation.
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Just pause.
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Take a slow, deep breath, and ask yourself
one question: "Whose voice is this?
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Is it really yours?
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Or does it sound like a parent, or
a teacher, or an ex-partner, or a
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sibling, or someone who constantly
made you feel like you weren't enough?"
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Because the moment you recognize
the voice isn't yours, you create a
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little space, and in that space, you
get to choose a different response.
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Maybe instead of saying, "I'm such an
idiot," you simply saying, "I'm learning."
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Instead of saying, "I always ruin
everything," maybe you could just say
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to yourself, "I made a mistake, and
mistakes are part of being human."
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And notice that I'm not asking
you to jump from self-hatred to
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complete self-love overnight.
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Your nervous system probably wouldn't
believe that either, honestly, but
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it might believe, "I'm learning."
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Healing usually happens in
believable steps, not giant leaps.
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So this week, every time your
inner critic shows up, pause,
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take a dep- take a breath, and ask
yourself, "Whose voice is this?"
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And then ask one more question:
"If that voice isn't mine, what
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would my voice sound like?"
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Because I truly believe that's the voice
you've been searching for all along.
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If today's episode resonated with you,
if you recognize that inner voice,
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if you're tired of living in survival
mode, or if you're wondering what
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your next step in healing looks like,
I would absolutely love to help you.
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I offer a complimentary clarity and
calm call where we'll spend time talking
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about where you are, what's keeping
you stuck, and some practical next
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steps you can begin taking right away.
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There's absolutely no
pressure, my friends.
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It's simply an opportunity to connect,
ask questions and see if working
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together is the right next step for you.
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You can schedule your free call
using the link in the show notes.
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Thank you so much for spending time
with me today, and remember, healing
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through body, mind, and spirit
is not about fixing who you are.
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It's about helping you stop
surviving and start living, and
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going back to who you were born.
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I'll see you next week, and I hope you
have a beautiful week and a beautiful day.
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Love you guys.
