📍 Hi everybody and welcome to Sober Alcohol Free Stories. I'm Victoria and I don't drink today. I'll talk to Rachel. Rachel's drinking was of its time as a teen, but it took a dark turn after a family tragedy. Today, Rachel sober and healthy, a great mum and storyteller to her boys and the author of Sober Mama, a hopeful and funny book that will give you a roadmap to help you navigate your way to sobriety.

Hi everybody and welcome to

Sober Alcohol Free Stories.

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I'm Victoria and I don't drink today.

3

I'll talk to Rachel.

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AKA sober mama.

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Rachel's drinking was of its

time as a teen, but it took a

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dark turn after a family tragedy.

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Today, Rachel is the author of

Sober Mama, a hopeful book that

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will give you a roadmap to help

you navigate your way to sobriety.

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, squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353: hi

Rachel, it's lovely to have you on today.

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Thank you for joining me.

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I feel quite honoured to have you on

because you are now an author, in Sobriety

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and I'm really in admiration for that.

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It's definitely a life goal for me.

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I connected with you quite early on.

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and I remember being a little bit

fascinated at the time with anyone who

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was sober because I was so new to it.

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So I was only a couple of months in.

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so I'm really grateful that you've

joined me on my podcast today.

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thank you.

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squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

No worries.

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so much for having

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squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Yeah, and every time it's

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the same format with me.

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I just want to hear your story because

there'll be someone who was like

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you, who's thinking, Oh, can I do it?

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Can't I do it?

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My life's either upside down

or just not very manageable.

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And so just to hear a bit about

what your life was like before

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you decided to stop drinking.

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And then some of the thought process

that went into why you stopped.

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And then maybe if you can share

some of your challenges and

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top tips, those kinds of things

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squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

of course.

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squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

tell us about yourself.

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Tell us about Rachel while she

was a drinker to start with,

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squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

I just loved getting pissed.

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I think that's probably the best.

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squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353: Yep.

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squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

loved it from the moment I started

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trying it when I was 14 years old.

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I just loved getting battered

and it was never really a

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problem for many, many years.

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I did the typical northern

teenager, started at 14 years

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old and was night clubbing at 15.

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You know, the days where

ID just wasn't a thing.

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squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Yeah.

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squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

and my mum used to drive into Chester

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at 2 in the morning to peel me

off the pavement on the weekends.

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You know, think now, like, my boys

are seven and ten and I can't imagine,

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fifteen years old I'm doing that,

but it was the way things were.

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squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Yeah.

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squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353: And

that just continued, like, social drinking

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right the way through my twenties, but

never I drank just for like one or two or

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the, I don't, I just never saw the point

whatsoever unless I was getting leathered.

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Like I drank with the sole

purpose of getting to the

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state where I would fall down.

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And I loved it, that's what I

kind of, I lived for the weekends.

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And then when I had children, I

slowed down a lot because getting

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up at, my, my eldest 5am riser

from the moment he was born,

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squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353: Wow.

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squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

I mean even now he's still up

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at 6am, suddenly getting up on

a hangover was, was torture,

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squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Yeah.

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Yeah.

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squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

naturally slowed down, basically.

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but when the school years sort of began

and motherhood became more of a juggle, my

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drinking definitely started stepping up.

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And then it was becoming more of a kind

of midweek event, still not absolutely

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out of control, but definitely frequently.

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And I'd never, ever, ever

do less than a bottle.

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If I've opened a bottle, then

I'm getting to the end of it.

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that just continues.

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And I never really felt at that point

like alcohol was ruining my life.

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It took a couple of traumatic incidents

really for that to, to really step it up.

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So firstly, the sudden death of my

mom, which was was so unexpected.

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It felt violent

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squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353: Oh

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squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

she went for a run.

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was the day after her 62nd birthday,

totally healthy, no issues whatsoever,

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and she just collapsed and died.

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She had an aortic dissection, which

I'd never even heard of before.

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squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that.

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That's horrendous.

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Yeah.

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squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353: as

that happened, I started drinking daily.

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That was it.

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I became a daily drinker and I was

drinking a lot because I, not even

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because I wanted to get drunk.

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I just wanted to not feel pain.

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I kind of went on this

weird, ultra productive.

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Like crazy six months where I was

drinking day and heavily, but getting up

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running three miles, working like a dog.

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it was kind of in my head.

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If I just don't stop and I keep going

and I focus on what's in front of me a

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bit like a horse with blinkers, you know,

I'll just, I'll be I'll be all right.

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I've just got to keep moving.

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So I kind of went into this

sort of mania almost where I,

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that's how I functioned for

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squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Yeah.

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squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

six months or so.

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And then that, my marriage broke down.

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I mean, it wasn't good anyway, but it got

a whole lot worse and that catapulted me

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into the realms of real problem drinking.

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squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Mm-hmm

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squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Where all of a sudden I was

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frightened of everything.

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Like, am I going to lose my home?

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Like, how am I going to manage

with the kids by myself?

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Then there was all the arguments

with solicitors, which is just,

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it's honestly probably one of the

worst things I've ever been through.

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squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Yeah.

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squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

I just got to the stage where I was.

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in a perpetual state of anxiety and

I journal every night and I always

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write down what my anxiety levels are

and my depression levels out of 10

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squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Mm-hmm

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squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

get a benchmark of where I'm at every

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single day I was writing I'm 11 out of 10.

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squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353: Wow.

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squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353: It,

I just felt off the scale, like I couldn't

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function and I had no idea whatsoever,

none, that alcohol causes anxiety.

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I just thought that was the only thing

I could do to fix it, but was well aware

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that that was the thing that was also

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squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353: Mm,

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squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Ruined my life because I was

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just feeling terrible every day.

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squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Mm-hmm

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squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353: And

it wasn't like a, there wasn't a major

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particular moment where I decided to quit.

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I just got , so sick and tired of

feeling sick and tired every day.

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squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Mm-hmm

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squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

I'm trying to make all these big

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life decisions for me and my kids.

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And just thinking like, I've got

to get my head straight to do this.

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And I knew if I was ever gonna

stop that it had to be for good.

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I tried to moderate so many times

over the years to know it was

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never going to be possible for me.

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I will never

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squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Mm-hmm

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squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

at one, one drink.

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So I had it in mind straight away

that I was going to quit forever,

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which weirdly is something I don't

advise to people when they quit.

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I say, Do three months and tell

me at the end of it whether

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or not you want to continue

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squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Yeah.

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squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

forever can be too much for people

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but for me it was the only option

and I knew it was the only option.

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I'd need to give it up if I

was gonna, you know, live.

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squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Yeah.

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I have a very similar story

in terms of the forever part.

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I knew the day that I stopped, this

is it for me and it will be forever,

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and I couldn't really understand

how people could torture themselves

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with the possibility of going.

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back or moderating because I found that

impossible because I never had one either.

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I just didn't really see the point.

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I, I still don't, I still, when

I see friends drinking one glass,

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I'm like, the little bit in my

brain that still doesn't get it.

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it's like, how are you having

one glass of wine with dinner?

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That's just weird.

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Why are you even bothering?

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Because I can't comprehend it.

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squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

do it properly.

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squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Yeah, I still kind of

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get a little bit annoyed.

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It's weird.

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squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

no, I hear you.

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squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353: Wow.

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Okay.

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So very, very sorry to

hear about your mum.

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That's must've been horrendous for you.

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And actually the divorce as well.

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I do have a lot of friends who've been

through divorces and the stress that

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that puts onto someone is immense,

particularly if you have children

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stopping drinking probably was

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squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Okay.

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Okay.

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squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

I didn't know that it would

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increase my levels of anxiety.

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and it wasn't until I read William

Porter, William Porter's book that I

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realized that it was actually connected.

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So did you, when you stopped drinking,

did you notice very quickly a change

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in things like your mood when you

were recording in the evenings?

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How did that go?

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squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

massively, and I went through so

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many changes so quickly and I was

researching the hell out of it.

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I mean, I researched and read

and listened to like I was

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studying for a PhD in addiction.

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I just want to know everything.

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And the more I learned, the more I

couldn't believe that I didn't know.

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squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Yeah.

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squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

To me now seems like such common sense

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I was frustrated at having to look at

all these different sources to find

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out what I was going to go through

at each stage and well, that's one of

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the reasons I wanted to write the book

was to write a roadmap for people and

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a timeline of what's going to happen

because I found it, but I had to look

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in so many different places to get it.

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I think it was so helpful when

I was researching to think,

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okay, well, I'm going to go

through these different stages.

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So like for me, one of the

first things I noticed was an

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insatiable craving for sugar

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squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Mm hmm.

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squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

days.

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I just could not get enough of it.

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I know I was eating packets and

packets of Haribo and cookies and

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this went on for about six weeks.

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it was crazy.

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And then, I went through a phase of

having some really intense, and then

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through a phase of like where I was

narcoleptic, couldn't stop sleeping.

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When you feel yourself go through it

and then you feel yourself get through

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it, you then know that the things that

are going to follow later down the line,

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you're also going to get there as well.

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squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Yeah,

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squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

believing that there's

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a textbook process here.

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And if I've got through these bits,

then the good bit that's going

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to follow eventually come too.

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I just hadn't appreciated before

I stopped how long that would be

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and that it would be three months

before my brain had reset and learned

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how to produce dopamine again and

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squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

yeah,

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squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

going to be happy at first.

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And, um, so I, I, I loved going

through all the different phases,

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even the bad ones, because

it proved that I was healing.

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squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

yeah, the process we had started.

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squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Yeah.

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Um,

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squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

jealousy, like you, like you,

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you want to just fast forward.

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You want to where those people are.

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So the fact that you have written a

roadmap that tells me it's okay, it's

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coming, like you're not going to feel

it right now, because that can be quite

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difficult to manage when you stop.

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Because if you're in contact

with lots of people who have been

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sober for a long time, they'll

be saying, Oh, isn't it amazing?

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Don't you feel great?

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And when you don't yet, that

is actually quite tricky.

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So that's, That's great that you've put

that into a map that people can look at.

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And I think I have a lot of people who are

on Soberistas who listen to this podcast.

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And I would say definitely they should

have a look at that because it will put

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your mind at ease that it will come.

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It will come because you're right.

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It just is a process that

everybody goes through.

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squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

the way I kind of explain it to

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people is that when you drink, what

happens to your body is textbook.

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you will start to lose your control

of your speech, and eventually

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you'll vomit and black out.

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There's all these stages we go

through when we drink, every

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single time, and it's just, you

know, how bad you get, basically.

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So sense dictates that.

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The reverse must be true and when you

stop drinking, there must be a load

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of things that your body goes through.

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and it's just knowing what they are

and the length of time it takes.

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And I think for people that, I always bang

on about dry January, but for people who

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do dry January, if you don't know anything

about quitting alcohol, you get to the

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end of dry January feeling bloody awful

because you're not producing any dopamine

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and you're in that, I call it the boredom

phase and for me that was the worst phase

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because it was the lengthiest phase.

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And I just couldn't get any enjoyment out

of everything, and everything felt flat.

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And if you believe, as most people

would, I think, after a month, you'd

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think, Well, all the alcohol's out of

my system, I'm done and dusted now.

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If you believe that you should be healed

at that point, then it would be very, very

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easy to conclude that sobriety is shit.

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And go back, you know, wet February,

because why would you want to stay

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in a state that feels that terrible?

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And just being armed with that knowledge.

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You know, you've done the hardest

month, but actually you've just got

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to push through that next couple for

things to start changing for the better.

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So I think, yeah, for me, having that

information there is so, it's so crucial

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to understanding where your body's at.

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squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Yeah.

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And what did you do in

those early months then?

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What were the challenges that you faced?

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did you do it on your own?

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Did you join any groups?

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Tell me about the beginning bit.

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squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

I joined a lot of Facebook groups.

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squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353: hmm.

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squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

started to blog, most of what

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I did was reading related.

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And then what I was doing

was distraction related.

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So I worked out very quickly from reading

that I wasn't going to be able to feel

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joy because of this lack of dopamine.

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And I felt it.

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I felt that so intensely, but I remember a

therapist telling me years ago that human

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beings get happiness from two things.

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One is.

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Just enjoyment, genuine happiness

about enjoying something.

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And the other thing is achievement.

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So I just thought, well, if I

can't get, if I can't be happy,

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at least I can get productive.

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And if I can go through my house and

sort every cupboard out and organize

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my bookshelves in rainbow color

order and go through my wardrobes

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and just streamline my life, then

by the time my dopamine comes back,

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I'll have all my ducks in a row.

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So I kind of set about reorganizing my

life and I went through, you know, not

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just physically, but like my finances.

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squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Mm hmm.

297

Mm hmm.

298

Mm hmm.

299

Mm hmm.

300

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

my health.

301

That first six weeks or so I was so tired.

302

I couldn't do anything.

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I dragged myself through each day, but

then once I got beyond that, I got back

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on the treadmill and started to look

at my diet and all of those things.

305

So yeah, and I've just kept myself

very busy, particularly in the first

306

few weeks where my trigger time

was sort of four or five when I was

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starting to make the boys dinner.

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squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353: hmm.

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squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

when I also, so at that point I just

310

started playing games with the boys.

311

and dove into that and actually it made

such a huge difference, not just to how

312

I was feeling because I was distracting

myself, but also to their behavior because

313

all of a sudden I wasn't trying to avoid

them so I could drink and by engaging

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with them, their behavior was great.

315

Was much better as well, you know,

far less and, so it massively

316

improved everything in the house.

317

Really my relationship with them.

318

you know, I was much calmer anyway,

because I wasn't feeling, you know,

319

so anxious and stressed all the time.

320

So everything just felt

so much more peaceful.

321

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Yeah, it's such a great thing to do,

322

to do the kind of organization thing.

323

I didn't really know that I was

doing that, but I did that as well.

324

I remember either I was on a

zoom call or I was blogging.

325

I can't remember what it was,

but I remember talking about

326

organizing my knicker drawer.

327

I was like, finally, I've actually got.

328

Pants that fit and socks that fit and

bras that fit because I hadn't done it

329

for such a long time and I was actively

doing those kind of things that must have

330

been Yeah, that's probably why then to

just get that dopamine the achievement

331

dopamine Um, that's funny you say that

and also, um With the boys or with me,

332

with my children, it's not only sort

of that you don't have the anxiety, et

333

cetera, but you also don't have that thing

where, you know, when it's that time, it's

334

five o'clock, it's coming up to bedtime.

335

You're kind of tired.

336

You've had enough and you're thinking

that you want to have a glass of wine.

337

There is a slight irritation

that you can feel, isn't there?

338

Because

339

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Okay.

340

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

that's going to just numb it all out and

341

make it a little bit calmer in your head.

342

that could make me grumpy.

343

Definitely.

344

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

it definitely did with me as well.

345

I rushed through everything,

including the bedtime routine.

346

I just wanted them in bed so I could

come down here and continue drinking.

347

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Mm hmm.

348

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

actually, when I got.

349

Sober was to buy some pebbles and I

drew little pictures on all of them.

350

And they're story stones basically.

351

So we take them to bed and all pick

different signs out and then we use

352

them to make up stories, which cause

they're boys, they always involve death

353

and toilets and you know, they're always

diabolical stories, but they love it.

354

It was one of those things I recognised

really early on that I wanted to do was

355

make more out of the bedtime routine.

356

Because I read religiously to

them when they were babies.

357

And then it sort of fell by the

wayside and I ended up, you know, just

358

drinking instead of reading to them.

359

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353: hmm.

360

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353: I

wanted to bring back and it's delightful

361

and you know, you learn just, we have

like, we call it chat time before

362

beds and we sit and just talk about

our days and you learn so many random

363

things about them and the way their

little minds work and all this stuff

364

that I was, I was missing out on.

365

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353: Mm.

366

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

realize I was missing out on.

367

I just wanted to get down

here so I could drink.

368

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Yeah.

369

Yeah, I know.

370

Well, you and me both, and I'm sure

there's lots of people listening

371

who are either currently doing that

or did used to do that as well.

372

It's quite common, isn't it?

373

Because it takes over a bit,

you know, that's just what you

374

want to do and it's horrible.

375

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

does a no judgment

376

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353: Mm.

377

Yeah.

378

Yeah.

379

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

tough and we do all need

380

some sort of an escape.

381

And it's only like, you know, in recent

years that I've realized that alcohol

382

is not a good one, but I totally see

why there are so many moms who turn

383

to that because it's, it's a hard job.

384

And with.

385

of mum drinking culture and it's

so kind of endorsed and encouraged.

386

I think that's that's the problem It's the

endorsement of it where everybody's sort

387

of saying the same thing that we need it.

388

We deserve it I'm like, well,

of course we deserve the break.

389

But what we really need is the narrative

that mums Work is, is really tough and

390

moms need to be better supported in

order that they can have time away from

391

their children and time for themselves.

392

And, to recognize that first and

foremost, you're, you know, you're

393

a woman, you're not, your job on

the planet is not to be a mom.

394

That's is, well, it's one of the jobs,

but it's not your whole reason for being.

395

And I think that, that for me is

the sort of bigger problem really is

396

that, are drowning and you can see

why everybody wants to escape it.

397

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Yeah.

398

And then there's the safety in

numbers where everybody's saying

399

the same thing, like you said.

400

Honestly, the number of times that

you hear or that I heard when I was a

401

younger mum, or can't wait till five

o'clock or, I mean, to be honest,

402

the culture exists, it exists in

the workplace, it exists everywhere,

403

but the mum thing, you're right.

404

I mean, it felt legitimized.

405

To me, I, talk about how I used to

serve drinks at my kids parties.,

406

and that happened because when my

first child started primary school,

407

I remember going to a kid's party,

you know, the whole class goes, you

408

know, those parties where everybody

goes, mine are a bit older now.

409

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

on earth, aren't they?

410

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Yeah.

411

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

hate kids parties.

412

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

things.

413

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353: do.

414

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

one of the things that happened when

415

we walked in is a dad turned around and

said to me, look around the room, this

416

is your life for the next 10 years.

417

And I was like, Oh my God.

418

and then the mother of the five year

old whose party it was came out and

419

she had this perfect updo and, she

looked very glamorous and she was

420

carrying a tray with Prosecco and.

421

my little brain just went, Oh,

Oh, this is, this is what we do.

422

That means that I can do that.

423

and I did for years.

424

I served the mum's Prosecco

at my kids parties.

425

What was I thinking?

426

What was that about?

427

Why did I need to do that?

428

I just,

429

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

we all did it.

430

I mean, I did the same.

431

I've avoided kids parties

as much as possible.

432

I kind of bribe my children into,

you can have more money towards your

433

birthday if you don't have a party.

434

It seems to be working, but I , I've taken

red wine and a floss to go and watch their

435

nativity plays because I mean, let's be

honest, it's where happiness goes to die.

436

Like you get to see your kid

for like all of the 30 seconds

437

where they do their one line.

438

And then I've got to watch

people's kids for two hours.

439

No, thank you.

440

So I'm thankfully I'm out of the

nativity years now, but I saw, for

441

me, it wasn't just that alcohol was,

I enjoyed it for some activities.

442

I made it part of every activity.

443

There was always a reason to fit it in.

444

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Yeah.

445

Oh, I, I would do the same.

446

Yeah.

447

Any event I would turn up

with the bottle of fizz, um.

448

That's what I did.

449

So it's weird then when

you stop, isn't it?

450

And suddenly it's not what

you do and you change.

451

How did your friends react

when you stopped drinking?

452

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

I was really lucky and I think,

453

for, for my closest friends, I think

they, they could see how much it

454

was hurting me at that point because

I was so anxious all the time and

455

they all reacted really positively.

456

I think to be honest, they're just

happy they get a designated driver.

457

So they don't really.

458

don't really care.

459

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Yeah.

460

Nice.

461

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

you know, for some people, I

462

think it can be a real issue.

463

I'm particularly for women.

464

I've coached whose partners

are still drinking.

465

That that's where I think it can be

really problematic where but drinking

466

partner and you decide to stop.

467

That's not an easy thing

to navigate at all.

468

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353: No.

469

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

but I was really lucky.

470

I've got nothing but support.

471

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Yeah.

472

I was the same.

473

All of my friends have been

really supportive, but there

474

are situations where it doesn't.

475

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353: It's

476

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Yeah.

477

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

More power to them.

478

I just think whatever

works for you, right.

479

For me, it wasn't working

for me and it was my life

480

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

It's interesting how they ask that.

481

I mean, my, a lot of my friends are much

more curious about being sober than they

482

would have been if I hadn't stopped.

483

I think because I was the biggest

drinker probably in the group.

484

It was so shocked, but they're

probably like, Oh my God.

485

I, what do you, how do you live like that?

486

And I get asked a lot

of questions about it.

487

A lot of them listen to

the podcast, actually, even

488

though they're still drinkers.

489

But I think they're just

interested to sort of know what

490

life's like on the other side.

491

So you never know.

492

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353: And

it's definitely sparked certain changes.

493

So, my dad took a huge hiatus from

drinking when he started listening to

494

my podcast and his drinking was out of

control when my mom first died, he's

495

a great example of why moderation is.

496

dangerous because he drank a bottle of red

wine on a Friday and a bottle of red wine

497

on a Saturday for 40 years or something.

498

And the day after mum died, he went from

that to three bottles of wine a day.

499

he did that for about 18 months,

and then it was only when I quit,

500

he started reading my blogs, and

then he took a hiatus from drinking,

501

because he could see what it was

doing, you know, the changes that it

502

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Mm hmm.

503

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353: you

know, the benefits it was giving to me.

504

And a friend of mine, the other week

was going through something really

505

stressful with like a job loss.

506

and she said, Oh, I'm, I'm not

going to drink during this time.

507

Cause I know that that's going

to send me over the edge.

508

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Make it worse.

509

Mm hmm.

510

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

into people, I think.

511

Yeah, it definitely has an impact

512

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Yeah.

513

So tell us a bit about your book,

and your coaching, because are

514

you still doing your coaching?

515

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

I am, I've, I've been doing, I've, I

516

have, a couple of long term clients

517

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Mm hmm.

518

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

at the moment.

519

Um, who I've had for the last two

years, and I have been reluctant

520

to take new people on just because

the book publicity has been

521

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Huge.

522

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353: and

with so many articles I've had to write,

523

I am still doing, I'm just not doing very

524

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

That's on a pause for

525

the moment a little bit.

526

Yeah.

527

Mm hmm.

528

Mm

529

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

So, but I'm, you know, I, I still love

530

it and I think it's the nicest thing

to watch people transform before you.

531

And the thing I love about it

the most is how quickly people

532

transform and how different people

look just in that first two weeks.

533

it's the most delightful thing

to coach because Everything that

534

comes out of it is positive,

535

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353: hmm.

536

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

there's no bad that comes

537

from giving up alcohol.

538

There's no downside to it.

539

Like you go through all of these,

different, emotions and feelings,

540

but ultimately everything is

still going to get better,

541

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Yeah.

542

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

aspect of your life.

543

So love watching that.

544

Changing people.

545

And then, like I said, that first two

weeks is always crazy in terms of like,

546

particularly the way people look and

their like faces completely change, you

547

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Yeah.

548

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

redness goes and swelling goes and,

549

just look so much better and healthier.

550

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Mm hmm.

551

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

then after that three months

552

of working with them, it's

usually, you know, it's massive.

553

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353: Mm.

554

Mm hmm.

555

Mm

556

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

massive.

557

So I do love that side of it.

558

but the book was.

559

like I said before, When I quit, I wanted

somebody, to tell me what to do and

560

when to do it and how to get through it.

561

I just wanted a manual.

562

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353: hmm.

563

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

I just wanted it, I just wanted it

564

easy and succinct and it didn't exist.

565

I read so many different things

with so much great information,

566

but I wanted it, all the things

that I really needed in one place.

567

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Yeah.

568

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

in particular, the timeline and then

569

what to do, like how to get through that

first three months, what do I need to do?

570

how.

571

do I navigate this?

572

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Yeah.

573

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

And also, I read quite a lot of

574

Quitlet that was very science

heavy, which was interesting.

575

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353: Mm

576

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

But not particularly enjoyable to read.

577

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353: hmm.

578

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

And some of it was downright frightening.

579

what I wanted was to write something

that was funny and heartwarming

580

and that made people laugh out loud

581

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Yeah,

582

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353: it's

a dark subject and I wanted to bring the

583

lightness to it, which is it doesn't have

to be this hard we can make a joke of it.

584

And I've got some soul crushingly

embarrassing stories in there.

585

They're horrific.

586

The stuff that I've disclosed,

my poor, my poor dad.

587

stuff he's had for a week.

588

It's honestly, it's diabolical.

589

And that, you know, the things that you

They're the kind of things that only

590

you're like, you know, your best mates

know, and you never want anyone outside

591

of your friendship circle to know.

592

And now I've just told the

593

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Yeah.

594

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Something very cathartic and freeing

595

about just saying, do you know what?

596

I was a complete fuck up.

597

Here, here it all is.

598

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Yeah.

599

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Hopefully I've come out of that

600

and I'm doing a bit better now.

601

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Yeah.

602

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

you can learn something from my mistakes

603

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Yeah.

604

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

it all yourself.

605

handholdy guide where people could.

606

Resonate with the pages, feel understood

connected and think, Oh my God, I know

607

exactly what that woman was thinking

608

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Yeah.

609

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

wrote,

610

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Well, I'm really looking forward

611

to reading it and . Is it available

on Audible and on Amazon, or

612

is it just hard copy to buy?

613

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

It's available in all, pretty much

614

all UK bookstores like Waterstones

and Smiths, it's on Amazon.

615

It's currently in Sainsbury's, but

that won't be for too much longer.

616

I don't think, I think their

turnover is quite quick.

617

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Okay.

618

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

but yeah, Amazon,

619

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Okay.

620

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

it as

621

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

And it's Sober Mama.

622

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

It is.

623

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

It's Sober Mama.

624

Okay.

625

Well, I'm looking forward to reading it.

626

That's exciting.

627

And I'm looking forward

to the juicy stories.

628

I think, you know what, like we've all

done stuff, everybody, whether you are

629

in a situation where you have stopped

drinking or not stopped drinking,

630

I would say that most people have

got a drinking story that they don't

631

really want the whole world to know.

632

So well done you for actually putting

it out there and showing that.

633

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

my four boys as

634

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Oh, yeah.

635

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

older and they get to,

636

Oh, terrible really,

637

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Yeah, just maybe just don't tell

638

them about that, rip that page out.

639

I've got a 15 year old at the moment

who asks me lots of questions.

640

He's getting interested in booze

and I'm like, he said, when did,

641

well, when did you first drink?

642

I was like, oh, 18.

643

Lie, lie, lie.

644

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

that.

645

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

I like you've put your stories

646

in there because I think that

there's too much shame around it.

647

The shame is what keeps people, hiding

and not doing the right thing and,

648

deciding to say they need help and stop.

649

So I think it's great

that you've done that.

650

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Oh, I mean, just that the shame, is

651

so horrendous and I just think if the

horrors and the fear of what you're

652

doing to your body and your life,

if those were the drivers to quit.

653

would all quit very easily, you know,

anything that shame focus doesn't

654

work because the shame is part of the

trigger for doing it in the first place.

655

I think for me, to be hope focused

and, you know, don't focus on

656

all the things you've done.

657

Don't panic about what

you've done to your body.

658

Just focus on what you can

change now and move on and,

659

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

Yeah,

660

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353:

let it go, basically.

661

squadcaster-9fa8_1_02-04-2025_180353:

no, let it go.

662

I can definitely live with that.

663

I love that.

664

I will.

665

I have definitely let it go.

666

I don't really have regrets.

667

I think I was doing what I was doing

and now I'm doing what I'm doing.

668

But what I can say is that I feel

So much better and I enjoy my life

669

so much more and clearly you do

as well So thank you so much, for

670

joining me and sharing your story.

671

It's been wonderful and everybody

get out there and get a hold of

672

that book cause it sounds brilliant.

673

I will be getting mine tomorrow.

674

I promise you and I'll send you

a picture of me with it to you.

675

So thank you so much.

676

Thanks for joining me

and I'll see you soon.

677

Bye.

678

squadcaster-j7fd_1_02-04-2025_180353: you.

679

Thank you for listening.

680

To Sabre alcohol-free stories.

681

If this episode helped you, please.

682

Please like share and follow.

683

Or leave a review on pod chaser.

684

Dot com.

685

And if you've got a story to

tell, please contact me on Sabre.

686

A F stories@outlook.com.

687

And don't forget.

688

You can make your catch phrase.

689

I don't drink.