How was your week? Adjusting to life with the new norm?
Do you have the new work routine set up and your teams all charging ahead? Working from home all figured out?
My answer is - NO, not even close, I wasn't nearly as productive as I wanted to be, I struggled to get out of bed, keep my energy up and focus on anything for more than 5 minutes. I was angry, scared, emotional and at times a bit crazy.
I craved interaction with other people, and I judged myself for not being productive and not having the willpower to pull through it. What happened to me?
In this episode, we explore the rollercoaster of emotions many of us went through last week through the eyes of an Emotional Intelligence expert and coach, Cathy Mott
We explore the grief cycle, the 4 quadrants of emotional intelligence, active listening, vulnerability, fear, why we need to lead ourselves first before leading others and much more.
There are valuable insights to share as we step up and lead through this crisis.
00:53 What happened to me last week
08:03 The grief cycle
10:20 Take the space you need
11:16 Judging yourself
14:34 Active listening
20:24 Vulnerability/strength and balance
22:51 Time to be tough?
23:58 Coaching questions
26:10 The 4 stages of Emotional Intelligence
29:20 Resilience
31:16 Taking action and accountability
37:27 Advice from Cathy as we face Monday
Transcripts
[Trasncript]
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Last week, I recorded an episode, a special episode. It was focused on leading through crisis. Recognizing what was happening in the world, I wanted to go off my normal structure and cadence and provide the audience with something that they desperately needed at the time, which was insights and perhaps some guidance and comfort around what it takes to lead through a crisis. And I thought, "You've got this. This is going to be easy." I've led several organizations through crisis situations; I know how to keep a team positive, how important it is to have a schedule, how important it is to have a routine, and how to get up in the morning to work out. I've even got lots of lessons learned to share about working from home. So, I felt good about pushing that episode out last weekend. We had some positive feedback. Then, Monday morning came, and I got up, and I did what I told everybody not to do; I hit the snooze at least three or four times. That energy, the mojo, whatever you want to call it, that zest for life had simply gone. I didn't quite know what was happening, and I thought, "Well, it's a change. There's a lot going on in the world right now, it's okay. Give yourself a break from Monday." Then, Tuesday came, and I did the same thing again, and I started to get mad at myself. How could I stand up on stage and talk to people about how important it is to start your day and how important it is to have a schedule and I couldn't do it? This was a strange, very unsettling feeling. I started spending more and more time in front of the TV, gripped with fear and anxiety as I watched what was happening around the world. I felt those feelings of isolation; I couldn't go to the co-working space, couldn't meet with clients, and couldn't do what I normally did. And then, later in the week, I had to do something that tore me apart. I had to tell my teenage daughter that she couldn't see her boyfriend and deal with that trauma. I don't want any human beings anywhere near me. I'm afraid, I am, I'll be the first to admit it, of the risk of the coronavirus coming into my home. All of these feelings going on in my head, making me feel scared. And there were often times of anger, and then I was very emotional, and then I realized I was going through the grief cycle. I was grieving the loss of my world as I once knew it, and once I recognized it, I started to feel much better.
CEO magazine in the February:
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And as you mentioned, Jan, in your intro, some of the emotions that you experienced last week are the same emotions that are tied to when we're grieving the loss of a loved one. And those emotions are shock, denial, fear, anxiety, anger, frustration, and confusion. Who of us has not experienced all of those emotions in the past couple of weeks? And it's okay to give ourselves the time, the space, and permission to work through those emotions. They're heavy.
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So, if we talk about fear, being able to validate that emotion, we can say, what am I afraid of? Okay, I’m afraid that my life has changed for quite some time, I don't know how long. Okay, the validation is, you have every reason to feel that way. And for all that know me, I will always recommend journaling on your feelings because it's an avenue to take what you're feeling out of your head, process it, move it through your heart, and put it on paper. And I've even recommended journaling our daily activities around emotions for this entire time period. What a gift that will be to ourselves to go back and read, once we're through this, go back and read the emotional journey that we've come through. What a gift to ourselves. So, giving ourselves permission and then validating what we feel. And I think one of the most important things to remember about our emotions, they're not good or bad. They just are. They come to us unbidden. They give us information about ourselves. They can give us permission to take care of ourselves, to tune in to what we need to experience around the particular emotions that we're having. So, validating that is giving yourself permission to feel it.
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You know, I will think about six years ago, I lost my mom to lung cancer, a 15-month battle, And I journaled, so I've been journaling for 20 years; I journaled every day what that process was like and how I miss her. And I look back, and I say, "I made it through that." And so many things that I have done in my business are a result of losing my mom in death. And what I found during that time was I wanted to talk about my grief, but I couldn't find people to hold the space for me to openly discuss how I was feeling. I even had one person ask me, "How are you feeling today?" And I told her, "I'm sad. I miss my mom." And her response was, "Who says that? Most people say they're okay, even when they're not." I said, "Well, you asked me, and I want it to be openly shared." So, it's so important that we as leaders be able to hold the space for people to openly talk about the grief process that many of us are in today. I think back to losing my mom, and this is a grief process, but there was much more hurt, pain, and anguish to that grief process of losing my mom.
And so, looking back, I know I'll make it through this. And that's the importance of journaling because you have something to refer back to, to say, "I made it through that, I can definitely make it through this." But as leaders, being vulnerable and being courageous enough to hold the space for others, even when you feel uncomfortable around them sharing, just hold the space. You don't have to fix it. You just have to hold the space for them to express themselves.
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So the balance is showing vulnerability but also having something productive to do with your emotions, being able to intentionally respond to what you're feeling instead of reacting to what you're feeling, and then creating that space for your team to do the same thing. When the leader is vulnerable, they give other people permission to be vulnerable as well. When we show up as authentically human, we give other individuals the opportunity to show up authentically human as well.
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[00:36:22] Jan Griffiths: I'm not very good at that part. I'm very judgy. I'm not judgy when it comes to other people at all, but I'm very judgy when it comes to myself. But I'm getting better, and when you reach out and do what we're doing today, which is I'm reaching out to talk to somebody who is truly an expert on the subject to help me understand what's going on, when you do something like that, then you're taking an action and it's helping you through the process.
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Thank you for listening to the Automotive Leaders Podcast. Click the listen link in the show notes to subscribe for free on your platform of choice, and don't forget to download the 21 Traits of Authentic Leadership PDF by clicking on the link below. And remember, stay true to yourself, be you, and lead with Gravitas, the hallmark of authentic leadership.
