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How to Escape the Drama Triangle and Stop Rescuing People
Episode 7520th April 2021 • You Are Not A Frog • Dr Rachel Morris
00:00:00 00:55:21

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In this episode, Annie Hanekom chats with Rachel about how we need to step out of the drama triangle to have a better and healthier relationship with our colleagues.

Episode Highlights

[04:28] Enneagram Type 2 or The Rescuer

  • In its simplest form, an Enneagram is a profiling tool.

[06:09] The Rescuer in Its Truest Form

  • Type 2s or The Rescuers are motivated by the need to feel accepted, loved and included.

[08:24] What Becomes Problematic in Being a Type 2

  • Helping for too long might form resentment and impatience.
  • Inherent in the term ‘The Rescuer’ is a sense of superiority for those who do the rescuing and inferiority to those who are being rescued.

[12:00] Understanding the Drama Triangle

  • The whole drama triangle and sliding between the roles of rescuer, victim, and persecutor is a confusing slippery slope.
  • Our behaviour is a reaction to the kind of role we assume or assigned to us.

[18:39] How to Recognise the Role You’re Taking

  • Create pauses in your day-to-day schedule to give yourself some ‘me time’.
  • You’re giving yourself a new sense of clarity.

[24:04] Pausing and Taking Control

  • When we’re busy, we fall into the default of assuming these roles.
  • When we find peace in our minds, we can take control of what’s taking place.

[27:36] Stepping Out of the Drama Triangle 

  • Acknowledge the role you’re assuming in the drama triangle.
  • Look for other options and shift the roles.

[27:36] Taking the Coaching Approach

  • You’re helping the person sort out their problems and not taking their problems as your own.

[33:27] Language and Shifting Roles

  • We can change our roles for the better with the language that we use.
  • Using power language can empower you and puts you in a position of choice.

[41:29] Shifting the Mindset in Tricky Situations

  • Taking a pause will be helpful in tricky situations.
  • Refrain from assessing and doing a deep reflection when we are unhappy because it won’t do well.

[45:19] Getting into That Coach Role

  • They’ll form a habit of asking themselves about their options rather than taking the role of the victim.

[50:40] Annie’s Tips to Get Out of the Drama Triangle 

  • Acknowledge what you’re going through. Give yourself time to process things.
  • Don’t beat yourself up.
  • Watch your language.
  • Before you give advice, ask the other person what they think.

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