I'm here to help you take the guesswork out of childbirth so you can make the choices that are right for you and your baby. Quick note, this podcast is for educational purposes only and does not replace your medical advice. Check out our full disclaimer at the bottom of the show notes. 


She was just so kind and she did this amazing, like guided meditation with me, told me to take the space and the time and we rescheduled. So today is our rescheduled date and I have Melissa Fernandez with me. She is the Atlanta postpartum doula. And I just want to say, thank you. Thank you, Melissa, for coming back and being with us. 


We said, yes, let's reschedule. And then we just started talking and it was such a beautiful way to meet you and lead off into today, which is our actual recording of the podcast. So I am really grateful to be here and I'm excited for what organically pops up again. 


Trish: Yes, I am too. And I was telling Melissa before we started recording that what I really love about my podcast is that we don't really do a scripted podcast interview. 


Although we do have a direction. Melissa is a postpartum doula, but you guys... Just hold up because she has such a unique story and I'm so excited. So we always try to start out. I say we, like I have a person in my pocket, but I always try to start out asking how your birth experience played into your business. 


But let's go back. Because you have a very unique history, and we were just chatting about that, but I haven't heard the whole story. Melissa, take it away. Okay, so I'll 


Yeah, which is insane. It is. It really is. And the story just gets juicier. So everyone will always ask me, how'd you get into that? And it was through gymnastics. I started when I was six years old. I was in the gym working like 25 and a half hours a week in high school. And I. I earned a scholarship to the University of Illinois, so I competed collegiately and then at the end of my college career, I decided I was going to go into Cirque. 


I received an invitation and that was the start of my first job, which is so wild to think of it as a job because it is such a fun experience. I was traveling all over the world. I was doing touring shows. I was on the touring side of it versus the residential side, which is what over in Las Vegas. 


And within a very short amount of time, we became pregnant. Wait, 


Trish: Wait. I have to hear. Where did you meet him, and how? Oh, 


Melissa: I met him here in Atlanta, and I was on tour, and we met at a coffee shop. And since then, it was just, that, that was it, when you have that moment of, the person is the person. 


Yeah, I do know. 


So I love that you met for a coffee and got married yeah, it works when it works, right? That's right 


Melissa: And so to continue the story, we became pregnant and I was still at that time I was still with Cirque du Soleil. I had been injured, so while I was in my repatriation, I got pregnant. 


But what I found was that there were no protocols in place. For women who have a C section and their recovery afterwards. I remember feeling so shocked when I went to my midwife for my six week appointment and she said, you can do anything you were previously doing, no problem. And I said, are you sure? 


So that was really shocking to me. And then I went back to work, everything was okay, but I still had some struggles with my abdominal, my core, all of that. Fast forward, I got pregnant again, but at that time I was training and touring in South America. And so I was performing on stage, pregnant, up until I was 13 weeks. 


And this is when I finally found out about postpartum doulas. And I was like, that is what I want to be when I finished my career with CERC. And so those journeys really led me to where I am now. And the final push into the career was. COVID because I was up in Montreal for a brand new creation, a new show that was going to be, it was getting created. 


And so here I am, but with one extra kid. Yeah. 


Trish: So you had another baby since then? I did. Yes. Nice. I love that. And I I just, it's insane to me that women are expected to have a major abdominal surgery without any therapy or recovery involved. That is provided by insurance or any of that. It's every time I think about that, it is insane to me. 


Like it's just outrageously insane. I don't get it. And I, unfortunately I feel like a lot of us like really didn't think about it until we thought about it, like it just was accepted. 


Melissa: Yeah. I think a lot of this, I think a lot of this really lies with the pregnancy experience and the really big focus point that we have on. 


Childbirth education, which is vitally important, and also we have a few other components that are vitally as important that we're not talking about, which is part of this discussion about what the what's the physiological recovery process of a human being after a major abdominal surgery. And that is totally left out. 


And I do think we're really missing the mark with having such a high focus on childbirth education only. And I do think it's not with the doulas and the birth professionals, because we already know all these components. We know this. It's more with the mainstream that Involves a lot of societal programming and conditioning that we see in play after the baby arrives where we're at home with our baby, and that's it. 


Everyone goes home. Everyone's like you had the baby by and that's where I think we're really missing the mark because it's like preparing for the wedding, but not the marriage. 


We do some like mindset and focus and whatever, but one of the first. times that we met as a group, one of the moms shared, and it brought healing to my own postpartum journey. He's eight, because no one had ever voiced what she said. In my presence and I did not even know that it was a normal thing I thought it was some wackadoodle experience I had And I think so to add to what you're [00:14:00] saying You have a mom who goes home with a human being And she's too afraid to admit how bad she's struggling or how hard it is because every other mom is pretending that they have it together and they're doing fine. 


And no one is being real about how hard it is because we have so much pressure on us to do it right. And I put that in quotes because who the hell knows what right is. So I think it's, I say this to my team all the time. We have a biweekly team meeting and part of that is how do we. 


Can we just acknowledge what a win that is? 


Melissa: Absolutely. I think it's definitely as a start in the correct direction, and I think to part of this conversation that we're having and what you specifically asked about, how do we teach and guide to the things that they don't even know that they need? Because that's definitely a sticking point. 


And. I believe fully this is part of my mission in the business and one of the big anchor points to why I started this is it starts with postpartum education and bringing that to the forefront of the focal point and alongside childbirth education, not a module or two within the childbirth class, but a full standalone postpartum education class and alongside that the importance of community. 


Something's not right because everyone else is doing it, but I'm not able to. And the reality is what you said. They're not doing it. They're not okay. We, as a female collective, on the grander scheme of it, not everyone we're going to have the those who are doing really well and those who are really not doing well, but the big chunk of it is that the way that women are having babies and their families, it's not working anymore. 


That's not accurate. That's not a regulated nervous system. And so what postpartum education and the community is a recognition of ourselves. And the work that we are doing day in and day out, and where can we recognize and become aware that the hustle and bustle and the busyness no longer needs to [00:18:00] be the only way to be pregnant, to be postpartum, to be raising a family? 


Where can we settle in the pause and allow the recognition that what we're doing is enough? 


Trish: Yeah, it's it really. It really is I'm taken aback because I'm think just thinking about how little credit we give ourselves for how many hats we wear and what we're expected to do and maintain. And be responsible for. It's a lot. It's a lot. And when you first enter into that realm, it's overwhelming. 


I don't remember, but I was just sharing the story that one of the most significant moments in my journey as a mother. Was when I moved from Tampa Clearwater, Florida to Chattanooga, Tennessee It was a very small little hole in the wall at the time and here I was this city girl young with I was a young mom and I moved there And I really didn't have a lot of mom friends in Florida because I was so young, most of my friends weren't even married, weren't having kids, and so I moved to Chattanooga and there's literally nothing to do except for story hour.[00:20:00] 


And so here I am with the kids at story hour and I get plugged into the most eclectic group of mothers you have ever seen in your life. So shocking to me as this, girl from Florida, I'm wearing my Doc Martens and I've got my tattoos and these moms like, To me they were the epitome of like I'm never gonna do it type moms They you know, one of them had eight kids and I was like eight kids, you know now I have seven but hey They you know, like they knew how to sew and bake and all these things that I was like that's what my mom does, and but I get plugged into this group of mothers who were so transparent and so genuine. 


New moms need they don't need this BS. They don't need this fluff They you know, I'll never forget on one of our hangouts one of the things that really sets me apart from other birth classes is that I have the membership aspect where they can come to A weekly hangout and they hang out with me or a doula and I'll never forget I had I mean I can still see the zoom call and where she was on the call I had this mom and she you know, she was pregnant and very overwhelmed with emotion because she was really hating her pregnant body. 


But there's some. tHere's not a, there's some aspects of that's not genuine because it's not showing the people who are struggling with those changes and who are having a hard time loving their changes in their body. Women need to know that it's okay if you hate your pregnant body. 


I'm there too much for these girls, and those are the moments where I realized like we have to give too much. We have to be there for the new moms because they need to know that there is a wide range of us. There's not one size fits all. It's hard. It's overwhelming. Hopefully that all made sense. 


Labor, birth and postpartum and motherhood, which is never the intention. So there is a fine line between speaking authenticity and what the realities are while doing it with the thread of joy and love and ease. And the piece that comes from that. is having a safe place to share what comes up as you're moving through pregnancy and postpartum. 


Because what happens is when you are with a group of women, or you're safe people, and you are laughing about this stuff that's really ridiculous and really hard, and everyone else is also going through it. The diaper explosion that came up the back that's just terrible to clean up, but everyone else experienced that too, that same day, and you get to laugh about it? 


Trish: laughing about how... The rage that overcame you because your husband loaded the dishwasher wrong, and you're like, who is this woman? Like I never cared, but now I do. And being able to sit back and say, okay, my hormones are a little out of whack right now. And the other moms laughing with you because in all reality, it's funny, you work through those things. 


So yes, I totally agree with you. There is so much power in that and knowing it's not the end of the world. 


And we can 


Yeah, 


Trish: and forgive yourself because and have grace on yourself because I think that's where a lot of my mama's struggle is that they just want to do it good and feel like they're doing it good and really the person who's the harshest on them is themselves and to have a space where You know, others can reassure them this is normal and you're doing amazing. 


And I'm thinking that's literally a smidge of what I do every weekday. Come on it's we just, we juggle a lot and that's commendable. That's why we're able, like you and I, to run a freaking business like a boss. Because we've learned it, we've managed it in our homes, I just think there's a lot of credit that women need. 


And. 


Melissa: Deserve. Absolutely. 


Trish: And dads, I don't wanna say not dads, but we're speaking to mamas here 


Melissa: now, . Yeah, that's, yeah. This is definitely not like one or the other, but it, what I think comes up as you're sharing this is the concept of what is good, what does it mean to be a good mother? And where we get tripped up is that we take on. 


Because if we cannot recognize ourselves for the good work we're already doing, and we are choosing to look at the parts that I didn't get done that day, nobody else is going to recognize us. It has to start from within. And simply saying, I recognize myself today. I am celebrating myself today. Because I am the best dang mom every single day. 


Trish: I agree. And I think also, the other thing is, Recognizing where you need help and what you need growth in because growing as a mom, as a woman, as a person is an everyday thing. 


And so reading books, seeking knowledge, looking for understanding, finding an older, that's one thing I love about my group. I am an older mom. I've been, I have a son in my third, in his thirties. Having an older mom who has life experience, who isn't your mom or your mother in law who's bringing in emotions because emotions You know they shade things up a little. 


Change, because I think one thing I love is when you have a young mom or my ex daughter in law and I have laughed about this before when, how much she judged me for co sleeping and then my grandson would not sleep anywhere but on her and 


Melissa: Absolutely. Because a lot of what occurs is your identity shifts. 


And so you're almost placed into a limbo type of state of, do you stay stagnant or do you grow? But really the requirement is only that you grow because you have a child that you are caring for. And they are growing and they are changing daily, almost hourly, sometimes in those early months where what they just did yesterday is no longer working today. 


is really challenging. And if you're, if you don't have community support, if you don't have family support as you're, entering into pregnancy postpartum, how do you move past that block to say, Hey, I need help. You oftentimes you don't. 


Trish: aNd sometimes their circle of community or other new moms are young moms, so they don't, they can't help. 


Not that I don't think there's value in an in person relationship because there 100 percent is, but there is something. About that virtual aspect that I love, especially about my postpartum membership, my pregnancy membership, and you get to know I've got moms from all over the world and it's just insane that we have, like, when I was a young mom, I could not have hung I didn't have the opportunity to hang out with a mom from the Middle East and a mom from the UK and a mom from Australia, it's just such a beautiful thing that we have that ability. 


Absolutely. It's really 


Other countries have much better systems in place for families that support families. Here in America, it's not, it's just not there. And this is part of that shift and birthing into a new space is that using the virtual space is going to allow us connection, community, ease, trust. when you find the right circle that is for you. 


Trish: Yeah, I agree. This has been a great conversation. I love it. I would love for you to share with everyone where they can find you. 


Melissa: Okay. So my place where I hang out is Instagram. I am the dot atlanta dot postpartum dot doula. 


Melissa: And I also have a website, theatlantappd. 


com, and I'm always open for DMs and emails but those are the two places I hang out the most. 


Trish: I love it so much. And I love your story. It's just so incredibly unique. Thank you so much for hopping on here and sharing with us. And I've just really feel honored that you spent two conversations with me because our first one, I wish we had it recorded. 


Cause it was really amazing, but thank you so much for coming today. 


Melissa: Thank you so much. I appreciate it. 


Melissa: now.