RE-VIEW ALERT: Revisiting Episode 10 – Mav Lash & Splash at the Boathouse Reviews 💅🚤

Travel back to August 11, 2021, as we RE-VIEW Episode 10 of Review That Review! The Queens take on a 1-Star Google review for eyelash extensions from Mav Lash and a 2-Star Yelp review for the restaurant Splash at the Boathouse. Things get Goldie, Trey reads from Leviticus, Olli comes to the rescue, Chelsey is a dollar short, and JoJo doesn’t need a second take. 🌟

Episode 10 Highlights:

• Mav Lash Review: The Queens dive into a 1-Star review for eyelash extensions—because sometimes beauty is a beast. 💅
• Splash at the Boathouse Review: A 2-Star Yelp review for this restaurant has the Queens splashing around in opinions. 🚤
• Random Fun: Trey reads from Leviticus, Olli saves the day, Chelsey’s a dollar short, and JoJo nails it on the first try. 📖

Timestamps:

• (05:12) Lodge A Complaint
• (35:01) Splash at the Boathouse Review
• (50:11) My Royal Highness
• (54:44) Listener Voicemail!

Enjoyed the episode? Don’t forget to rate and review us on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you listen. Your support really helps! 🌟

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About the Show:

Review That Review is an independent podcast produced by Trey Gerrald and Chelsey Donn. Sound design and editing by Trey Gerrald. Cover art by LogoVora. Theme song by Joe Kinosian, sung by Natalie Weiss. Voiceover by Eva Kaminsky.

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It's time, the time has come to review, Review That Review, episode 10, which originally aired on August 11th, 2021.

This is one of my favorite episodes because I believe it was the first listener submission by the one and only Mark Tuminelli.

This episode is a splash.

I remember this episode like it was yesterday, because it was so funny, so endearing, so many personalities, I think it was the biggest personality that we had to date in a review, and it's worth a re listen, let me tell you, the original episode contained two reviews, two complaints, and two Royal Highness inductions, but today's review is a bite sized version of that original episode, so if you want to hear the whole Megillah, you gotta be sure to pop back and listen, To episode 10 in full, believe me, you won't regret it.

And while you're at it, if you wouldn't mind, leave us a five star review, would ya?

Wherever you listen to this podcast, it really makes all the difference in the world.

And we greatly, greatly appreciate it.

Thank you, Queens, and enjoy the episode.

Everybody's got an opinion, Every Californian and Virginian, It's so hard to tell who to trust and who to ignore, Someone's gotta settle the score.,

Trey and Chelsey will help you choose, Whose views win which ones lose,

Online haters are coming

for you, Baby, it's time to Review That Review!,

Hello.

Hi there.

Welcome to Review That Review.

This is episode 10 of the podcast dedicated to reviewing.

Unbelievable.

Reviews were just like Siskel and Ebert, only instead of reviewing cinematic masterpieces, we rate and review those hilarious, scathing, and sometimes suspicious online reviews.

That's Chelsey Donn,

and that's Trey Gerrald,

or in the words of Friend of the Pod, Ham and Cheese Sandwich, that's Trey see and I'm Trey.

But regardless of what you call us individually, none of it really matters, because together we are The Review Queens.

How's that crown today, Tracey?

Well, Che, my crown is great today.

Yeah, I'm holding my crown high.

How's your crown today?

My crown is good.

You know, I had a really spectacular weekend away.

My husband and I were celebrating.

This is funny to me because I remember when we first started dating, I was a waiter and we would go away and celebrate months because it was a huge step for us to have Quote unquote titles.

We were like consciously being together one day at a time.

So we would celebrate monthly anniversaries, but I would need coverage every now and then.

And the other waiters would be like, Oh, it's the anniversary thinking it was like years or something, not actual months.

So then like everyone made fun of me after a while because they're like, wasn't your anniversary last?

Anyway, so we went away to Algonquin, Maine, which is where we met 11 years ago.

It was amazing.

We stayed at this gorgeous Airbnb.

We waited a little too long, but it's like a small little place.

So a lot of the stuff was taken.

And so we stumbled upon we were the first people to stay in this gorgeous Airbnb in Wells, Maine, which is the town just above Ogunquit.

And I just want to give it a shout out because we were the first to stay there.

It's the quiet three bedroom beach cabin getaway.

And the hostess Samantha is in Wells, Maine.

It was just the two of us and our two dogs, but this was the only option.

And last minute, it was so perfect.

Like it was this three bedroom, but it was a really small cabin.

So it didn't feel like we were in this mansion.

And they were just awesome hosts and really accommodated us.

And they knew we were bringing our dogs, so they put out a little dog bowl, which was so cute.

It was

really great.

I actually missed you a lot.

I was telling David that this is like the first time I've wanted to return from a vacation because I am having so much fun doing this podcast and collaborating with you.

So I'm so happy to be here.

How are you, Chelsey?

How was your week?

Oh, my God.

First of all, I missed you a lot, too.

I was like trying not to be a codependent and allow you to have your anniversary weekend.

So I just want you to know it was a lot of effort, but I did miss you also.

Yeah, I've had a good week.

I just got a brand new puppy, which is very exciting and very exciting.

Exhausting in all of the ways.

So I don't sleep anymore, so we're just gonna have to let that go, but she's worth it because she's really cute.

And what is your puppy's name?

My puppy's name is Goldie and Maybe we'll.

We're cheering

for Goldie, we're

cheering for Goldie.

She's named after Goldie Hawn, but she's Goldie, Don

David asked me how you came up with the name Goldie.

And I was like, I haven't asked, actually.

Yeah, I love.

I'm like The biggest Goldie Hawn fan ever, always like, love her so much, In fact, my friends came over to meet Goldie and we had to decide which Goldie Hawn movie we were gonna watch, just in Goldie's honor, We picked, uh, House Sitter, it's, it's Goldie Hawn.

And Steve Martin.

Oh my God.

It's not as, I guess like it's not as mainstream, but it's just so fun.

And I just love it so much.

And she's just amazing in everything that she does.

So she could do no, no wrong in my book.

And Steve Martin, it's like Steve Martin at his best, like second to Father of the Bride for me.

It

was fun.

We enjoyed it.

We had a great time.

I think Goldie liked it.

She didn't, she didn't complain.

So,

Overboard was one of my favorite movies as a kid.

We used to watch it relentlessly.

Well, congratulations on Goldie.

I know that Goldie has entered your life in a very wonderful time, and we are very happy that Goldie is part of the crew of Review That Review.

Yes, she's the head of security.

So she's going to keep an eye out for us.

I think that we should probably ledge a complaint.

Okay.

So my complaint is, you know, like when you go on a website and they're like, you have to spend X number of dollars to get free shipping.

Like,

I hate you.

I like, I just feel manipulated because I feel I think I always land just shy, like I'll be like 2 short of the free shipping, right?

And then I'm like, well, is it worth it for me to spend like 6 for shipping?

Or like, would I prefer that 6 in the form of an item?

And now I have to scour your site for like an 8 item in order to really make this math work out.

And then I'm probably going to get something that I don't need.

And I just think, why can't we just give free shipping?

Like, I don't like free shipping minimums.

I feel like they're manipulative.

I think they're doing it on purpose.

I don't know.

Just stop it with this.

Do you have this problem?

Like when you're like a dollar away,

I've noticed it with just minimums.

Like when you're getting food delivery, like takeout,

exactly.

It happens a lot where it's like, I have.

Noticed many times you'll always be like a dollar to 75 cents off and the cheapest thing is like a side of rice or like a side of broccoli and that's always like gonna put you up like five dollars like I do think that someone is being strategic about that.

Yeah, it's definitely strategic.

Also, like, I wish that they could keep track in a day.

Like my, you know, I have a new puppy, so I'll go on Chewy.

com and they'll have minimums and I'll go on and like, I'll buy a few items.

So I'll get the free shipping and then I'll be like, Oh, I forgot to get something.

So then I want to just order that one thing, but I can't because I have to fill up my cart and I just feel like.

I've already invested in this business.

You're you don't you could put it all in the same box.

Why?

Why?

Why?

I'm lodging a complaint.

You know, complaint heard.

Thank you.

That is such a like common occurrence complaint.

Like I have felt the same frustrations before.

So I appreciate you voicing it.

Thank you.

I feel better now that I got that off my chest.

I think I feel okay.

I feel like maybe I could have spelled out Levitic gifts.

Stronger, but regardless, let's just move into some written online complaints.

How do you feel about that?

I feel great about that.

As you guys already know, if you're listening to Episode 10, we are your trusty Review Queens.

We each bring in a review from the internet that we feel needs to be inspected.

We read you the review, we break it down, and then we rate the impact of the review on a scale from one to five crowns.

It's a very regal process that we like to call a review.

Assess that kvetch.

And kvetch means complaint.

Oh,

I'm compelling,

Trey.

You're Yiddish.

It gets better every week.

Review That Review.

Okay.

Oh boy.

All right.

So this week, I have a special review that was sent to me by a friend.

Okay.

That was too long to be a listener voicemail.

This is from Yelp.

Okay.

It is a two star review for a restaurant called Splash at the Boathouse, which is in Burlington, Vermont.

This is from Craig N.

I hate to give a joint two stars, but I simply couldn't ignore what we were told by our waitstaff.

I'll get to that in a moment.

Backing up, my hot, blonde, German wife and I decided to meet the best pilot I ever flew with.

My buddy Jeff and his wife, including their chihuahua, decided to fly their seaplane up from Ticonderoga to meet us.

I thought, what a better place for them to dock their 2.

5 million machine, but right there, after they got a ton of attention from this flyby and flawless landing, they joined us at our table, right at the water on the patio.

Let me tell you the positives first.

Our server was super awesome, and our drinks were strong and out of this world.

You know, it set the stage for a great night.

We had about three rounds apiece.

But, to my astonishment, my best bud Jeff downed five whiskey sours in about 20 minutes as we were catching up on good ol times.

Just a quick side note, Jeff, all caps, HATES, Seafood and has a reaction to it, but he doesn't care what anyone else eats.

He just usually picks the steak or chicken.

So it was when we were told this by our awesome wait staff, dot a dot, bless her heart.

My wife wanted to have the haddock, but asked if she could have it blackened.

It was to all of our utmost astonishment that we were Explained that all fish are prepared in the morning and can't accommodate any special requests.

Being that my bud Jeff is also a math whiz, knowing what time it was that evening, quickly realized that our seafood sits for more time during the day than our old boss Doug spends time seeing who's wearing the right shoes and develops more elaborate spreadsheets than Mr.

Excel himself.

I digress.

Immediately, Jeff's reaction to the seafood news set his stomach on a whirlwind worse than a 21 year old drinking for the first time after eating four White Castle burgers.

Jeff started throwing up in his mouth.

Not once, but twice, Ali, their Chihuahua, started barking frantically as he knew his owner was in trouble, and he was, for exclamation marks, Jeff, being the stud he is, got up and pretty much did a fifth grade's first place standing long jump and hurtled over the big rope parameters in a heartbeat and flashed over to the nearest point of water to hurl all that he drank, Poor Jeff for having that kind of reaction to being told that they cannot blacken fish because it is prepared in advance in the morning.

Bottom line, if you want fresh seafood, don't come here.

Come here for the drinks, views, and service.

That's it.

By the way, since Jeff had too much to drink and was way too green, his wife flew them home, and she doesn't even have a license.

Truth be told.

She can outfly both Jeff and me, 17 exclamation marks.

Wow, wow, wow, wow.

What the actual F?

I mean, so much to unpack here with Craig N.

First of all, Thank you to your friend who found this review,

Mark.

Thank you, Mark, for finding this.

What a find.

Great job.

I kind of felt like I was on a scavenger hunt when this was going on, looking for the details that actually involve the restaurant.

Um, I just have, I know the weirdest details now about Craig's life, and I know not a single thing about the food.

Also, like, Your friend was puking because he had a million whiskies, like he, thank you, it doesn't make any, it makes like no sense, like, first of all, yes, like, that is gross, if that's true, that they prepare the fish in advance, I, I can't imagine how that would be true, is that, like, do you think that that's true,

it can't, it can't be,

Maybe they, like, marinate it in advance?

Like, I don't, like, I like, um, Jeff.

I also don't eat fish.

Me either.

Oh my god, I love that about you.

Anyway, I digress, as does Craig.

I mean, the only information Craig gave us about this restaurant was positive, right?

I know,

right.

That's

so weird.

What's the name of the restaurant again?

Oh, Splash at the Boathouse.

What a splash they had, my goodness.

God, like such, just such pretentiousness, I could puke.

I mean, if I were to ever try to communicate the definition of the word douche, like this is like, When Mark sent me this, I thought, Oh, my, I like want to take a shower.

I feel so gross.

Agreed.

Jeff must think that he is like Jeff Foxworthy.

Like he thinks he's very funny.

So there's a few like jokes in here.

Wait, Jeff thinks he's

funny or Craig thinks he's funny?

Sorry.

Craig, right?

Craig thinks he's a comedian.

Yes, for sure.

And what does that have to do with any, like, no one's gonna get, like, your inside joke about your old boss.

Very strange.

Also, what does the Chihuahua Ollie have to do with anything?

And what is the fact that he has a hot blonde German wife have to do with anything?

He didn't even bring her up again.

It's like, he introduced this character and then he just let her, like, what happened to the wife?

Also, why do we need to know that this Trey, Trey,

Trey, Trey, Trey, Trey, Trey, Trey, Trey, I was confused.

He started in the beginning saying something about having the flight with like the best pilot he ever had and then he ends with the wife.

Are those, is that the same?

So he's saying that he and his hot blonde German wife, Greg, decided to meet the best pilot he ever flew with, who is Jeff.

Oh, so Craig and Jeff are both pilots.

Craig's a pilot.

I think.

Oh, maybe he isn't a pilot, but he's the best pilot he ever flew with.

Yeah.

Is his friend, Jeff.

I think so.

But then he, but then in the end he was like, he said that Jeff's wife flew the plane without a license.

She can

outfly both Jeff and me.

So I do think Oh, then maybe he is a

pilot.

I don't know.

He's gross.

I feel like this is like that, that Billy Madison quote where they're like, I am now dumber for having listened to this.

Like, I, I really,

Well, on that note, I am not a math whiz, but Craig points out that they had about three rounds a piece.

But then uses the word astonishment two or three times to his astonishment, Jeff down five whiskey sours in about 20 minutes.

So that doesn't add up.

If you have three rounds the whole time, but then he had five and you were there before he was.

So what?

Three rounds of five whisky.

Well, because

he, because apparently Jeff drinks like a fish.

I think Jeff just drinks very fast.

But Jeff throws up because of the way the fish is prepared, not because he had five whiskies hours and was so like, Done, but he couldn't fly the plane at the end.

It doesn't make any sense because Craig is giving us all the details to support the case that he's fighting against.

Like, it's bizarre.

It's like, well, of course he threw up.

He had five whiskey sours and like 20 minutes.

I'm also curious.

How do you throw up in your mouth?

Twice.

If you throw up in your mouth once, aren't you gonna then have to get it out?

Like, how do you then throw up and then throw up again in your mouth?

I imagine that it was like a, and then he like, just was like, let me get out of here.

And also that poor body of water that's now covered in Jeff's puke.

Ugh, disgusting.

Okay, so also like I'm a little bit upset that this reviewer's name is Craig because my dad's name is Craig and obviously like I had a lot more high hopes for Craig N just based on name alone.

So disappointed in Craig N.

Also, he just like he's all over the place.

Like he starts with like this, he calls it a joint, right?

And then bless her heart.

Remember that part?

He is from Texas.

Okay.

All right.

It is funny to me because it says, bottom line, if you want fresh seafood, all caps don't come here.

But A, they didn't even have the fish.

Yeah.

And they're telling us that it's not fresh because I think this waiter was uninformed or said something incorrectly.

Like, it doesn't make any sense.

How do you prepare fish in the morning?

Yeah, no,

it would be cold.

Like how

it doesn't, I don't know.

It just, it doesn't make any sense to me.

I'm not buying that this place would pre cook their fish.

And then what microwave it like, yeah,

that doesn't make any sense.

I feel like this whole review is so lacking in value because It's just sort of Craig bragging about his friend.

So gross.

Like I feel like Craig wrote this review so that on Monday he could like read it to his friends.

I mean, I hear that.

I mean, it does feel like who brags about their friends 2.

5 million anything.

I mean, that's just so odd.

Anyway, the spelling and the grammar is actually pretty Fantastic.

I wonder if Craig was, like, highly educated aside from being a pilot, which is its own highly education requirements.

True.

I feel like I'm struggling as a Review Queen with the entertainment value.

Because I was laughing a lot during this because it was so ridiculous

and

over the top and crazy and the details were like wackadoo and I like I said felt like I was on a scavenger hunt trying to figure out when are we what are we talking about like when are we talking about Splash at the Boathouse because like I'm missing it and so I'm like do I attribute that entertainment To Craig for entertainment because I was entertained or is it that I was entertained because people like Craig exists and would feel the need to write such a novella about absolute nonsense on Yelp for some person to read and not have any like Was that why I was laughing?

I don't know.

Maybe Craig was drunk from the three rounds when they wrote this.

I did think that.

I did wonder about that.

I'm glad you brought that up because I was thinking the same thing.

I was like, I wonder if he was like hammered and writing this on the plane ride back.

I guess I just feel like, I don't know.

What do you think?

Do you feel like we attribute the entertainment to Craig or are we entertained because of the ridiculousness of it?

I think it's entertaining because it's Ludicrous, right?

Like it doesn't, it's, it's completely invaluable to like, there's, there's nothing going on here, but like someone who's wacky, but like, I just instantly am turned off by like the bragging about the wife, bragging about Ticonderoga 2.5 million, bragging about how much they drink.

Ugh, bragging about how he landed the plane.

It's.

go away like bragging

about this what emotional support chihuahua

but then it has but it has nothing to do with the restaurant like i think it was a miscommunication from the waiter that was misinterpreted and i don't believe that jeff threw up because of the information i mean maybe but i also think he threw up because he was so loaded

i think it's very obvious like i

like oh god a whiskey sap

Ugh, and five in how long?

20 minutes?

That what it said?

So gross.

I think I could crown this.

I

think I can crown it too, but before I crown it, I just want to make sure that I point out again, that Mark is an absolute review finding queen, regardless of how I should grade Craig N.

I feel like I'm so happy that this review was read and I was thoroughly entertained and Mark just, Thank you again.

Thank you, Mark.

The queens are tabulating.

Okay.

Do you think you're ready?

Okay.

I'm ready.

Are you ready?

I'm ready.

Okay.

Total

Score.

Okay, it is unanimous.

One crown from both of the queens.

I feel like this is an example of like, you know how everyone in the reality review is always like, if I could have given this zero crowns, I would.

I just feel like I got no information that was pertinent to the restaurant.

Like if I read this, I would be entertained and think it was funny, but it wouldn't, it wouldn't inform me whether or not I should eat here, which is why I'm probably going to Yelp in the first place.

I mean, I still have the half in my other hand, because I was debating between one and one and a half.

And I just went with one because it's, it's just, it's a review of Jeff's successful life.

It's not a review of this restaurant,

right?

I do know that my friend Mark found this because they were going to this restaurant and it's like, it's amazing.

So I just think like,

yeah, there's no way from reading this review.

I would be like, hell no, I'm not going to that restaurant.

Like, no, not impactful.

No, I just, the entertainment was also the skis factor.

So I just gave one like, I'm sorry to splash at the boathouse.

This is attached to your company.

Agreed.

Yikes.

Agreed.

Wow.

All right, my queens, we have reached the most regal portion of our show.

My Royal Highness.

Okay, well, I'm inducting someone that is Pretty special to both of us.

I'm gonna do it and I'm gonna induct Emily Cratter because she deserves it.

Emily Cratter is the person that introduced Trey and I.

None of this would have been possible without her.

She is the biggest cheerleader of both of us.

She is the first person to Reach out, comment, you know, support us whenever we have a new episode, whenever anything happens, she is the first one to be there, she's so busy and has so much going on in her life, and yet she still finds the time to compliment us and build us up and let us know that she's just like, Belling and she's amazing.

Also, Emily and I, we've been playing phone tag for like 10 years and we do this really fun thing where we'll like pick up the phone even if we have 30 seconds to talk, just because it's been like so long since we've been playing phone tag.

And I just think that says a lot about her and our friendship and our commitment to being friends.

So Emily Crowder, I hope you love this because we love you so much and it is.

I mean, it is beyond time that we induct you as our Royal Highness.

I love you, Em.

I mean, I fully concur.

Yes.

She is the female version of the mensch.

Oh, she is the biggest, the biggest, the best mensch.

I love it.

Okay, well, we did it.

We're at the end of this episode.

Listener voicemail.

Stop.

Oh my goodness.

All right.

Today we have a listener voicemail that is so extreme that we have to include it in our 10th episode.

And here it is.

Chelsey, get ready.

I

can't wait to hear it, I'm scared.

Hi, this is JoJo, calling in with a review from Joshua A.

of Peace's Bar in New York, left on April 6th, 2009.

So just for context here, Peace's Bar is uh, And

it reads, Pieces of broken mirror, Yep, that's what was strewn everywhere as the bouncer pulled a lesbian slash ex con out of the bar in a headlock and knocked her right into a mirror, and that was really when we knew it was time to leave, Pieces, as made apparent by their logo and uninspired theme night, is the quintessential 90s gay bar, Being that it's 2009 and the Golden Girls only runs in syndicated reruns, Pieces I would venture to say is less nostalgic than it is tragic.

Pushy patrons were so sweet as to help me drench my shirt in my own drink on a few instances, Which was fine anyway, since my vodka soda may as well have been a glass of water, I think that having an aneurysm might be slightly more enjoyable than going to pieces, At least one of the doctors at the hospital might be hot, Cause you're certainly not going to find anyone mildly attractive here, No,

Oh my god, Let

me do it one more time just so you have a second take,

JoJo, we've heard it.

We

love JoJo.

We love

it.

JoJo, first of all, you don't need a second take.

That was such a good reading.

That was amazing.

Wow.

I'm blown away.

We have the best listeners.

I mean, that is a review from 2009?

JoJo, have you just been sitting on this review and now you have the opportunity to share it with the world?

I have been to pieces.

Yes, me too.

And, and it's just, you know, it is what it is.

It's like you go there and you get a drink and it's like, Of course that's watered down, that's like any bar you go to.

It's true,

but also like, high points on that review for entertainment, like, I was thoroughly taken on a journey, entertained, lots of imagery, the picture of what a lesbian being thrown into the A lesbian ex con being thrown into a mirror.

I also love Joshua, the reviewer's storytelling of the patrons were so nice to drench my shirt.

Oh my God, hilarious.

So funny.

Thank you, Joshua.

Thank you, Jojo, for bringing this review.

What a queen.

And also, like, I think I would crown Joshua pretty high.

Should we crown Joshua?

Yeah,

let's

do

it.

Total score.

I'm just saying four.

Yeah, same.

Unanimous four crowns.

I just took away one crown because like you said, like, this is like kind of a, like diet.

I don't know.

We are, our expectations should be pretty low.

If we go to this bar, we know why we're there, but high, high points on everything else.

Like entertained, totally believing that this is the experience.

I took one crown away because I didn't really like the low blow of saying that no one that works there is hot.

That's sort of like unnecessary.

It doesn't have anything to do with like working.

I guess, well, I guess sometimes gay bars, bartenders have their very muscular shirtless servers, but I don't think that that's

the MO.

at pieces though.

No, no, but I, I do think the chances of, um, like a lesbian ex con getting into a fight are pretty high at pieces.

And that is why we love pieces.

Love it.

And that is why we love Jojo.

Jojo,

you get five crowns, Jojo.

Jojo

gets five crowns without a doubt.

Uh, if you don't have an agent already, we got to sign you.

That was a great reading.

And Jojo was going to give us a second read because Jojo's the prowess.

So, you know what?

Kudos to JoJo.

We love you.

Okay.

Well, Queen, we did it.

That's another round in the ear holes.

I hate when you say that.

We gotta think of a new one.

Okay.

Thank you guys so much for joining us today.

If you like what you heard, please tell a friend.

If you didn't like what you heard, please tell an enemy.

If you want to be like, Queen JoJo, hit up our voicemail box, y'all.

It's 1 850 REVIEW ZERO.

You can read us a review, just like JoJo, or you can lodge your own complaint, or I really would love if people would start calling in and leaving voicemails where they induct someone from their life for My Royal Highness.

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