Description: From TSA agents fondling water bottles like nuclear devices to border agents acting like Jack Bauer on a power trip, airport security has become democracy's most theatrical production. Watch as middle-aged accountants get freedom-frisked while the system misses 95% of actual threats and you strip naked in public wondering when your dignity departed—somewhere between removing your belt and declaring you have no fruit aboard.

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This rant incinerates because we're all silently enduring this ritual humiliation while pretending it's normal. We're collectively playing security kabuki—removing shoes, assuming positions, getting virtually strip-searched—like obedient livestock. Meanwhile, actual tests show TSA misses 95% of threats, making them as effective as a screen door on a submarine or your ex's promises of fidelity. The real joke? We're all just politely participating in government-sponsored groping sessions that would get anyone else arrested, showing how thoroughly we've normalized absurdity in the name of feeling safe.