Rejection is the worst feeling in the world in many aspects of our lives. Whether you miss a connection with a potential soulmate, or you do not land the job of your dreams, facing rejection can be harsh on not only our mental abilities, but can wreck havoc physically in the short and long term. In today’s episode, we “soften the blow” that rejection can have on you (and on others you know going through it), and how that rejection can be reframed with the next “big opportunity” that lies ahead. We are faced with choices as to how we respond, and the appropriate response to ourselves can make all the difference in how we best move forward.

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Intro/Outro By: Michael Dugan, Podcast Host: Voice4Chefs

Welcome to the podcast where relationships, confidence, and

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determination all converge into

an amazing, heartfelt experience.

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This is Speaking From The Heart.

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Joshua: Welcome back to episode

number 113 of Speaking from the

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Heart, and I've been rejected so many

different times doing this podcast,

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doing my business, doing life.

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Ugh!

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Why do I even bother

talking about this subject?

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Why, oh why, do I feel like I'm

going to be rejected yet again from

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people all over the world, maybe even

in my own backyard, maybe not even

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appreciating what kind of value I bring?

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Those people are missing out

on what I'm able to bring.

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I'm sure that for many of us, we've

had many different thoughts, feelings,

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emotions, maybe even some of the

reactions that I just even conveyed,

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but I think that we handle rejection

in so many different ways, in so many

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different viewpoints, that it's worth

talking about in today's episode about

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how we can overcome, not just those

feelings that are often negative in

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nature, but turning rejection around

to become something much better then

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maybe you even thought possible.

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I think that we oftentimes

think about rejection as

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almost a demoralizing feeling.

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The way in which that we oftentimes

feel when we are let down by someone

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who doesn't follow through with

what they were supposed to do.

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Nowadays in this type of culture that

we live in, let alone the job climate,

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it wouldn't be surprising to see three,

four, even five interviews for the same

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position taking place in order for you

to become able to be hired for that

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job, but is more less, or is less more?

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I think that's even a whole other

question in itself, but we're

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not talking about what really is

happening with employers and how many

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times they want to interview you.

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We're talking about you and the

rejection that we often feel.

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Claim to fame for myself, I've been

rejected several dozen times, not

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only in the things that I've done

for my business, but even when I was

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trying to find W 2 jobs, as my good

friend, John Schuchman would call them.

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He would call them W 2s because those

are usually the grinding jobs, the things

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that we go and work for expectations of

someone else, waiting for them to just

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feel a little bit better about what they

have hired and proving to them that we

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have value that we can bring, but I think

that we don't understand that rejection

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doesn't come from a place of personality,

which sometimes it does, but for the most

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part does not, it comes from a place in

which we know that that negative feeling

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of not being valued enough, is why

we've been rejected, and when it happens

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time and time again, or being rejected

again for that matter, as the episode

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title is all about, that only helps to

exacerbate the problem that we're facing.

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Take it from me, somebody that has been

numerous of times been rejected and

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feeling a little bit sad that I can't get

a higher rate of pay, or not being valued

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for the skills that I've already achieved,

or even, just even, feeling like I'm worth

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the money that I should be compensated.

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All those things don't really soften

the blow of that rejection that

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we feel, especially if we never

even receive that rejection, or in

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other words in contemporary times,

are being ghosted by the employer

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that is offering the position.

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I feel that we have lost the art of

communication, even in that regard.

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Being able to use our voice to be able to

tell somebody, "We are not hiring you."

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That's even worse than even saying that

is when you don't say anything at all.

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Silence can be even more painful

because it leads to many different

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questions, such as: Did they even

get my notice that I was interested?

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Did they see the thank you letter

that I gave them after we conducted

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the interview, or, my favorite of all

favorites, why did you not hire me?

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We don't want to talk about that.

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That will lead to potential lawsuits.

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People will be in court forever.

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We'll never be able to fill this

position, and this position is

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pretty important, especially with

the things that we need to achieve.

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All these things, which include

rejection, absolutely suck.

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I've been fortunate enough though,

in many different circumstances,

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to be able to have choice.

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I oftentimes think about those times,

especially in my early twenties.

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When I was working for the Department

of Transportation, I had actually

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two job offers that allowed me to be

promoted or move to another agency.

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One of them was with the Department of

Health, in which I would have been able to

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work on a program that would have helped

me with my job skills to help with data

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analysis and program planning, but the

other one, which is ultimately the track

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I took was with the State Employees

Retirement System, which allowed me to

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work on my procurement and budgeting

skills, and to this day, has been the

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most rewarding choice because it allows

me to use it in a variety of different

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ways, not just in the business that I run,

but also providing experience and added

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value to those that are trying to figure

out how to best start their business.

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All these things, whether you want to

think about the fact that sometimes we

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have too many choices that we have to

make, or no choices at all, means that

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we have to be able to understand why

did that rejection actually happen.

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Was it actually me?

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Was there something I could have done

differently, or, is there nothing

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you could have done differently,

and it just fell the way it did?

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I think that we overcompensate for the

values and the feelings and the emotions

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and the knowledge and the skills and the

abilities that we often try to portray.

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We do it all the time, and now I see it

even more than ever using ChatGPT, using

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CoPilot; all those AI tools that are

publicly available to do your queries.

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I know it.

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I seen you do it, ladies and gentlemen,

where you take your resume and you have

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it rewritten by AI to be able to apply

for that cover letter for that position

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that you really want, but you don't have

the time to actually, detail by detail,

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do it manually; I've seen you do it.

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I've seen you do it, and the reason why

you do it is because you want to save

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time, with the hundreds of jobs that

you're applying, and to be more efficient

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so that you can track everything,

you want to push it into artificial

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intelligence to do the work for you.

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That is fine.

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I will have no complaints about that

whatsoever, but, if I were to select

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your resume, and I got you into an

interview, and you were asked the first

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question of how did you hear about this

position and what made you interested

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for it, are you really going to be

able to articulate a great answer?

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Those questions, those elimination

questions if you will, are usually the

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caveats that I would even judge to know

if you even paid attention to the company

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that you're applying for, the position

that we're looking at, and how both

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of those things integrate together to

create what is this interview process.

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You will be put on the spot by

me, but I'm not the only one

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that will put you on the spot.

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It will be everybody else that

you will have to go through.

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Whether that's one interview or two

interviews, which I would keep it

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no more than two, it still means

that I have to learn a little bit

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about you, and how much interest

you actually have for that position.

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I think that we often get rejected

because we're not prepared.

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Sometimes the preparation that we

do is way overboard, and I have

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plenty of podcasts guests and friends

that would even talk to you about

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what they have learned from those

experiences interviewing other

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people about this subject, so I'm not

really going to go into that today.

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I'll easily reference you to many of

the other individuals that have much

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experience about that, but I really want

to talk about how we soften the blow.

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We could use that as our catalyst to

understand and evaluate why we failed,

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why we couldn't get through that

interview process, but especially in

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this day and age that we live in, that

next "big opportunity", which I use in

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air quotes, that lies ahead, sometimes

means that we have to find that quote

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unquote, big opportunity, right where

we are at; right smack dab in the center

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of where you're sitting right now.

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Sometimes you have to create your best

values, your best opportunities, by just

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understanding that you have what it takes

to even create something of your own.

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Look at all the many people that

have been very successful, whether

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they have run a small, medium,

or large, enterprise business.

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It all started with a small pipe

dream, in which maybe you didn't

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land that exact job, or maybe you

even had that exact interest, but you

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grew with aspiration and interest in

going into a field that was unknown.

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Look at all the people that have gone

into technology and have developed all

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kinds of different things that has allowed

the world to benefit, and sometimes not

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benefit, from its marvelous inventions.

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We can even go back to some of the

contemporary times of America, looking

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at the 18th, 19th centuries for that

matter, where many inventions were

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taking place to help push us into the

industrial revolution that we experienced.

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Now, we're not as much of an

industrious nation as we once were,

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but there's still many different ideas

and thoughts of how we can improve

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and automate all kinds of processes,

and I always hear the conversation

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about what's really a job anymore.

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Can I put it through AI to do it for me?

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I'm going to argue today we should be

thinking about how we can continue to

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involve humans in the equation, because

as much as we might be fearful of what

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technology might bring, humans are

still going to be needed to be able to

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monitor and create those opportunities.

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Humans in itself means that we should

be not fearing rejection, especially

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from AI or other tools which sorts out

our resumes and being able to create

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that opportunity that we need to have in

order to make more money, but how we can

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leverage both physically the long term and

the short term gains of what we're going

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through right now as a society, or even

in the world as a whole, to be able to

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ensure that we're never rejected again.

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It means picking up a skill.

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It means working with a coach

and understanding what is really

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important so that you can lift

yourself up to that next level.

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It means understanding that sometimes

that rejection I know can be painful,

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but it also means that it gives you

a brand new opportunity to work from.

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I know that's easier said than done,

and I want to speak for a few minutes

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about the people that might be

listening to this that are absolutely

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saying, "but times are desperate.

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I need something to help me out."

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There's nothing wrong with working at

a job that is less in qualification,

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and allows you to at least have

some money coming in, while you are

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looking for that grand opportunity.

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I know for myself, I worked as a part

time center supervisor at a local

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community center in which I lifted

tables, stacked chairs, helped guests as

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they rented rooms, dealt with difficult

customers, and everything in between

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that, especially to make ends meet, but

while I was doing that, which allowed me

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to have a lot of down time, just because

I was babysitting a building, it allowed

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me to work on all kinds of aspirations:

toastmasters, even this business for

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that matter, allowed me to gain the

clarity and the focus to be able to

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help others in this ever changing world.

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That allowed me to create the

opportunity that I have today.

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While rejection might be a negative

feeling, especially when we're going

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through the job process, or going

through any part of our life whatsoever,

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think of it as a candle that was lit

to guide you onto an alternate path,

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an alternate future if you will, to

be able to help us with our mental

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abilities, and gain physical clarity

of the way in which we should be moving

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towards the light of our futures.

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It's not easy.

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It means that we have to separate

ourselves from that feeling of disgust.

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Knowing that somebody rejected us is

not the greatest feeling in the world,

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and even if we say that it is, sometimes

it still has that lingering effect.

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It's almost as if you've been

broken up inside, not really feeling

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like your identity really matters

anymore, and for some people, it

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rolls off the back like water.

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It has no effect whatsoever, and for

those people that don't have that kind

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of effect, you should be teaching others,

even myself included, of how you can help

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others get through that rejection period.

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It's not a matter of feeling that we don't

have the ability to grow or to sustain

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the life that we have for the future.

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We just have to respond differently

to the choices that we make.

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The appropriate response, especially

when we know that we have infinite

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choices, could sound something like this.

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"Thanks for the opportunity, but I have

decided to go in another direction with

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another company that best aligns with

my values and my vision for the future."

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For those that have been rejected, instead

of getting all mad and throwing things

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around or even breaking appliances,

maybe something along the lines of saying

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this, especially if you get no response,

might change the tune in the conversation

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of what they ultimately pass up.

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It might sound something like this.

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"Although I have not heard from you, I

appreciate the opportunity to be able

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to be considered for this position.

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Not only have I appreciated the time and

dedication of you, the committee, that

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have reviewed this, I know that you will

make the best choice for the best interest

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for your company, and I wish you the

best of luck in filling this position."

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all we have to do is be professional.

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All we have to do is just ignore that

rejection sometimes is just a fact

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of life, and even when rejection does

happen, we can overcome it if we're

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just willing to understand and create

that value, where that value might

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have been disappearing all along.

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People might take some things from

us, but they can easily be replaced

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by the things that allow us to

nurture ourselves, to benefit, to

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evolve, as we talked about before.

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Even with all those things that we

have as choices, one thing rings true.

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Even with rejection feeling absolutely

terrible, it's a choice if you

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decide to feel terrible about it.

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Rejection is a wonderful thing that if

you think about it, allows you to have

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the freedom of expression and the benefit

of opportunity to pursue interests

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that you otherwise wouldn't have.

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In America, we call that liberty.

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The ability to have free choice, to

be able to express ourselves through

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the First Amendment, and, for all

those reasons, allow us to do shows

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like this, because otherwise, in other

countries, we would never be able to even

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share best tips, to be able to expand

our minds, to see possibilities that

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would have otherwise never been seen.

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Maybe in a way, that rejection that

we received yet again, whether it's

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through a significant other that we

didn't really want to have in the

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first place, could have been a dodging

bullet that we did not catch, and

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thankfully, I'm glad that we didn't

have to deal with it in the first place.

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Being rejected does not mean

that you're less of a person.

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I hope that this leaves you with a

reminder that you are worthy, not

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just of the value that you bring

to this earth, But that the value

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that you bring to others might

not be where you're placing it.

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You will have to place it somewhere

else, and hey, if you're looking for

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that opportunity, come talk to me.

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I can help you best guide it along the

way, and put it in a context that might

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help you, not just become the best

version of yourself, but to reframe

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your mindset about rejection, so that

you are never rejected again, even

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if somebody tells you that you are.

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Thanks for listening to episode

number 113 of Speaking From the

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Heart, and I look forward to

hearing from your heart, very soon.

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Outro: Thanks for listening.

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and future shows, search for Speaking From

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Visit us at www.yourspeakingvoice.biz

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services that can help you create

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See you next time.