This episode of the Ever Be podcast dives into Mari's personal journey with her Catholic faith, beginning with her upbringing in a culturally Catholic family and evolving into a deeper, personal relationship with God. Mari explores the process of rediscovering her faith through various experiences, including a significant encounter with the Eucharist, moments of prayer, and meaningful interactions that challenged her to live out her faith authentically. Her testimony highlights key moments of grace, challenges, and the transformative power of a committed prayer life. Mari shares how her desire to evangelize and live out a mission-centered life led her to become involved in Focus and start a Catholic lifestyle business and an Instagram blog to share her faith. She expresses a fervent hope to inspire and support others in their journey towards a Christ-centered life through her content, and she concludes with a powerful prayer for listeners, inviting the Holy Spirit to encourage and guide them towards embracing their faith more fully.

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Welcome, welcome back

to the ever be podcast.

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This is episode three now and.

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Okay, start over, start over.

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Welcome back everybody, happy Wednesday.

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I'm so excited to have

everybody here again.

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No, no, no, no.

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Welcome back everybody, happy Wednesday.

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We are kicking it off again with

another episode here at Everbee.

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Welcome back everybody, happy Wednesday.

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We are here with another episode at Ever

Be and today is going to be a good one.

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Today I'm going to be sharing

my testimony, my story.

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How I came to know the Lord and

deepen my relationship with him.

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And I'm excited to share this one because

it's like the biggest story of my life.

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Pretty much the story of how the Lord

has captured my heart and, convicted

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me to give my entire life to him.

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So I'm excited to share it today.

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I'm excited to share this

part of my life with you.

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And can I just say, I just, I just love

that we're doing this, this whole podcast.

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I love that I'm recording this right

now, because if you haven't heard

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episode one, I basically go into the

reason why I wanted to start this

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podcast was literally so we could go

deep and so that we can have like the

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raw, good, meaningful conversations.

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And I realized as I was like preparing

for this episode, that there's so much

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of my story that I haven't shared yet.

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And not because I haven't wanted

to, or because it's not meaningful,

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but just because there's just

like these little details that.

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I don't know.

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Like, I just don't really make

sense in a feed post or in a reel

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and only really makes sense if you

tell the whole context of the story.

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So a lot of this really is like

never before shared and I'm just

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excited to, to bring it all to the

light and to just share with you how

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amazing the Lord has been in my life.

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So let's start in the beginning.

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I was born and raised Catholic.

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My family is from Colombia, South America.

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And I would say at least back then

when I was born and maybe still now,

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I don't know, times have changed,

but at least when I was born, like a

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lot of Latin American countries and

like probably the majority of the

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population in Latin American countries

were Catholic or are Catholic.

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And so my family is Catholic.

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And I, like I said, was

born and raised Catholic.

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And what I came to realize looking back

now is that I was raised more in like a

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culturally Catholic setting, not really

like a practicing Catholic setting.

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So what that looked like practically was

like I knew who God was and like every

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good Catholic grandma and mom, my, my mom

and my grandma taught me to love Mary.

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So I knew about that.

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And we went to church sometimes,

although it wasn't every Sunday.

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But I grew up knowing what the faith was.

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I grew up knowing who the Lord

was and that he was my father.

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Um, but other than that.

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It, there wasn't much depth to it.

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Um, I didn't really have

like a personal relationship.

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Like God was more of like a, like a

distant grandfather that like looked

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upon me, you know, but it wasn't really

like an active player in my life.

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And really faith to me felt more

of like, kind of like a fairy

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tale, kind of like a fable story.

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Like one of those things that you

just like heard a lot growing up,

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but wasn't really like Um, I remember

my grandma, she would always play

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out the creation story for us.

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These memories are so vivid to me, um,

of me being like, I don't know, like

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between the ages of like five and eight,

probably where my grandma would come visit

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us from Colombia and stay with us for

a few weeks or like a month at a time.

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And she'd open the Bible and

it was always chapter one.

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It was always Genesis chapter one, like

the creation story in the beginning.

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Right.

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And.

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She would go to the bat, she

would like hide us in the

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bathroom and turn the lights off.

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And she would open the Bible and start

reading, I think maybe from memory or I

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don't remember if she had a flashlight

or something like that, you know, but she

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would start in the beginning, you know,

it was dark and then, and then there

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were stars and then there was, you know,

the moon and the sun and she would have

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these little flashlights to like emulate

the stars and then she would, you know,

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turn on the light or start opening the

door to show like the brightness of the

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sun and the moon that was shining in.

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And she made that one creation story

so vivid and so captivating for me.

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And so that's a memory I have.

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When I was little, but all in all, it

kind of made the faith, like I said,

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like a story, like a fable, like a

fantasy story that you just hear growing

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up, that's kind of like, Oh, wow.

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Like captivating, but

like, that's not real.

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You know what I mean?

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But even so, I always had an interest

in my faith and those little moments

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that I had when I was little with my

grandma and with my mom talking to me

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about, you know, God and Mary, those

stuck with me and I always had a love

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for my faith and an interest in my faith.

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And growing up, I went to youth group.

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I, did some retreats in

middle school and high school.

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So I would.

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Say I was probably more involved

than maybe like the average kid.

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Um, not all my friends were as involved

in church as I was, but like I said, there

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still wasn't like that personal component

of my relationship with the Lord.

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Like it was still kind of like an

extracurricular that I was like proud to

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have in my life, but it wasn't something

that I felt like I owned and I knew

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Why or what I was doing really, and

even though I was involved in all these

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kind of like youth group type stuff,

it wasn't something that really, like,

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faith wasn't necessarily something like

defined my life or my family's life.

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We didn't really live out our faith,

besides going to mass on Sunday.

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And even then we didn't always

go to mass every Sunday.

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Being in Seattle, there's like.

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Way more cloudy days than not.

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And so when the sun came out,

sometimes we were like, Oh

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yeah, like let's go on a hike.

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Like, let's go to the park and it's fine.

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Like God will understand, you know,

and we would like skip mass one day.

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Cause it was like a really nice day

out and we just wanted to be outside

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or maybe a new movie would come out

and we were like, Oh yeah, like we

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didn't make it to mass this morning.

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Like that's okay.

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We're going to go to the movies and

well, I guess we missed evening mass too.

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So, you know, we would just kind of

be on the back burner and it was just

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kind of something that like, we grew

up identifying as Catholic, Yeah.

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But it wasn't what defined us

and it wasn't like a practice

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that our family actually had.

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And so sometimes I look back and I

wonder like, how did I stay Catholic?

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Or like, how did I keep an interest

throughout middle school and high school

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when it wasn't that big of a deal for

my family or when it wasn't really

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like a huge part of our family life?

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And as I was reflecting, I see

the way the Lord allowed little

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moments of encounter in my life

that increased my faith and that

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kept me close to him in some way.

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For example, my first interaction,

with Eucharist was on a retreat.

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In eighth grade, I think at that

point I had only been on like some

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local mission trips and I didn't

really know what a retreat was.

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And so when I signed up for this

retreat, I remember going and being

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confused pretty much the whole weekend

as to like, why we weren't like pulling

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weeds or like painting someone's house

or like doing community service work.

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Because that's all I'd

ever done on mission trips.

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And I came to find out that a retreat

is really more of like a prayerful time

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of reflection, which you might already

know that, but eighth grade Mari did not.

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And so they had an adoration night

one night and they told us about

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how we were going to have a time

of prayer, a time of silence.

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And we did like a whole rosary

around the campus and then ended

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in like the main stage area.

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And they had Jesus

exposed in the Eucharist.

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All the middle schoolers were sitting down

on the ground and they had worship music

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going on and the lights were dimmed and

there was candles and stuff like that.

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And I remember the ambience was like

really peaceful and really beautiful.

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And I felt like this draw to Jesus

in the Eucharist and this awe and

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truly this like adoration in my heart.

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It's like my soul knew,

which obviously it did.

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It's like my soul knew like

the King was before me.

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But yeah, I wasn't really sure like

what the gravity of that really meant.

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I just knew it was holy and it was good.

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And the priest started processing

Jesus around the aisles to the

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different students and he would stop

in front of, , each kid and allow

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them to have a moment with Jesus in

the Eucharist right in front of them.

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And I'd never seen that before.

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I don't, Even know if I had been to

adoration before, like at my parish.

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So this was a pretty powerful, like

first experience of adoration in general.

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And I remember feeling this anticipation

and like this nervousness as the

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priest was getting closer to me.

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Cause I was like, Oh my gosh,

like, what am I supposed to do?

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Like, what's, what's about to happen?

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Like, who is this?

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You know?

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And the priest is coming by in

front of every student, every kid.

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And he comes in front of me and he

raises the monstrance above my face and

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I remember this vividly, like in my head,

I remember, um, the room getting dark.

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Like, I remember like, it seems

like my surroundings just like

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dimmed and like this glow just

like came from the Eucharist.

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Now it wasn't anything

like supernaturally crazy.

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Like maybe it was the spotlight.

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If there was one on Jesus, I don't

know, but like the room went dark and

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there was just a glow around our Lord

in the Eucharist, in the monstrance.

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And I.

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My, my breath was taken away and I

remember like I looked at him and I

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knew that was the Lord and I remember I

took the humorous veil, like that fabric

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that the priest wears on around him,

that he uses to grab the monstrance.

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We were able to touch that and kiss it.

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And I remember I grabbed it and kissed

it and almost felt like I had to look

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away from Jesus because I just knew he

was the Lord and I just felt unworthy.

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And I just, you know, I looked at him

for a second and then I bowed my head

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and kissed the veil and, and then the

priest moved on to the next person.

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And that was a very

powerful moment for me.

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And I wouldn't say that

that like changed my life.

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Like it wasn't like the next day I was

like mother Teresa, like not at all, but

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it left a lasting impression in my heart.

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And it made the Lord made sure that

I knew That his body and blood were

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truly present in the Eucharist.

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And I never doubted that

for the rest of my life.

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I, I never had a moment where I

wondered, is this just a symbol?

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Like I just knew from that

moment that that was him.

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Later down the road, a few years

later, I got the opportunity to

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go to a Steubenville conference,

which are really popular now.

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It's kind of like a SEEK, I think for

like middle school and high school again,

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or maybe it's just for high school.

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I can't remember.

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I think I went, I think

I went in high school.

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But I was able to have Another encounter

like that, with adoration and in

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this beautiful setting with all these

young kids and music, and just kind

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of having that powerful experience,

in front of the Lord and adoration.

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And at that same conference, you

know, I started hearing these speakers

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that I had never heard before.

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I heard Jason Everett and, maybe even

Sarah Swofford, or I can't remember who

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else, who else was there, but that was

the first time that I really heard these

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messages of like hope and joy and virtue

and chastity and faith and how to do

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these things in the everyday life and how,

your faith should be a part of your life.

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I had never heard messages like these

before, because again, it wasn't something

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that was really talked about in my house

and it wasn't really something that

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was present in my community either.

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And I'm grateful for my parents for

encouraging me to go on these things

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and for sending me on these things, even

though I know now where they were at

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in their faith at that time, and they

weren't very strong in their faith.

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They didn't really know

anything about their faith.

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They just kind of did things because

that's what you do as a Catholic.

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And you had to do like this.

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Check the boxes, you know, but they

weren't really catechized or didn't

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really have a relationship with Jesus.

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And it wasn't really until my mom went

through her own reversion, kind of like

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mid to later high school years for me,

that our whole family started coming

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back to the church and started changing.

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And it was a really beautiful process.

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And when all that started happening, I

kind of started to realize like, wow,

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like my family is kind of different.

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Like, there's not a lot of people around

me who are really practicing Catholics.

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And my family's like kind of

starting to get into this and

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going to church a lot more.

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Like all of a sudden my mom's like,

we were never skipping a Sunday mass.

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Like, you know, we complained, we were

like, Oh my gosh, mom, this sucks.

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But she was very firm on that.

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And so grateful she was.

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And, you know, my family started to come

back and, , it was All these things were

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happening at home, but then I would go

to school and I didn't really have people

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at school who were on a similar journey.

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And actually my closest group

of friends ended up being like a

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group of Mormon kids from school

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because they lived such a good life,

they were such good people and they

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motivated me to learn more about my faith.

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And to kind of question, like,

okay, like, why do we do what we do?

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How can I stand up for my faith?

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Cause they would ask a lot of

questions, like as Catholics,

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like, why do you do this?

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Or why do you believe this?

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Or why not this?

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You know, and not in a bad way.

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Like they were never trying to, you

know, sway me or, um, debunk my faith,

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but they were asking questions and they

were very knowledgeable about their faith

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for the age that we were at being like,

Sophomores and juniors in high school.

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Like they knew everything

about their faith and I knew

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pretty much close to nothing.

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I felt like and sadly I think that's

the case for a lot of Catholics,

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especially in high school and college.

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You realize like, I actually don't

really know why we do what we do.

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And so I hope that this podcast can

maybe shed some light if we ever get

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into like theology and stuff like that.

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But anyways, I don't

want to get sidetracked.

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Basically, these Mormon friends became

my really good friends and they were

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the first people that really showed

me what it looked like to live a

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Christ centered life and what it

looked like to live a moral life.

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Because the thing is, most of my

school I felt like was Christian,

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um, like a lot of the kids that

I was friends with at my school.

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We're non denominational Christian,

and this is like no hate to non

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denominational Christians at all.

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I've met some really amazing Christian

women, um, but unfortunately these

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group of people at my school were

kind of living a double life.

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Like they didn't really

live a good Christian life.

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These kids at my school that were

all Christian were also the ones

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that were sleeping around with

people or partying and getting

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drunk all the time or getting high.

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And so I had a hard time finding like a

real solid group of people because I only

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had the one girlfriend who was Catholic

and we were getting really close, but

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then I also wanted to be friends with

these other like cool Christian people.

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But then I was like, I have felt

some resistance in my heart.

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Cause I was like, well, like this

isn't actually very Christian.

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And then I had the Mormons

who were like amazing people.

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Plus they were so much fun.

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And so I just guess I naturally

gravitated towards them.

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And actually my first serious

dating relationship was with

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one of the guys in that group.

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And he, along with the girls that I

was friends with and the other guys

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in that group, like all kind of showed

me what it was like to have standards.

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Like they always talked about that.

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They always talked about like, you

know, living a good life and having

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good standards in your life and.

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Living up to what the

Lord like made you for.

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And the thing is like, I know

now like truth is captivating

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and that was attractive to me.

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Like the way they talked about

living a good Christian life

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actually was attractive and they

looked happy and fun and cool.

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And I was like, okay, like

I want to be like you.

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And so they made me desire

that good moral life.

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They made me desire my Christian faith

more and they made me really want to dive

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into my Catholic teaching so that I could.

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You know, at least stand up for

my faith and be like, well, as

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Catholics, like we do this and this

is why, you know, I wanted to be

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confident about why I was Catholic.

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So this friend group was actually a great

blessing that the Lord gave me in my life,

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because if it wasn't for this guy that

I dated and the other girls who I became

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close with in this group, I probably

would have partied a lot in high school.

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I probably would have drank

a lot earlier than I did.

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Probably would have lost my

virginity before I was married.

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And my life would just have looked a lot

different, starting from high school.

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And I don't even want to know what

college would have been like if I

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had started high school out that way.

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So I'm really grateful for that.

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And I remember all through high school

and college, just kind of having that

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divide in my heart, kind of like I was

talking about before where like, I wanted

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to be friends with these people, but

in my heart I felt like a resistance

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and I felt like there was a divide.

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Like I wanted to be in the party scene.

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And I'm just like, naturally a student.

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Social like butterfly.

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I'm an extrovert.

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I love making friends.

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I'm always like more of the merrier.

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So I like wanted to be

where the people were.

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I wanted to be in the party scene and I

was always looking for validation in boys.

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I mean, I had like eight boyfriends

in high school, um, which is a lot,

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also part of my heart, like knew

that Jesus didn't make me for that.

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You know, I knew in my heart, like the

Lord didn't make me to live that way.

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and that that wasn't like a full life.

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So by like senior year in high school,

when you're starting to apply to colleges

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and stuff like that, I knew that I

wanted to go to a Catholic school so

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that I could find that same sort of

community that I had with the Mormon

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people in high school, but with Catholic

people and that I could finally be on

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a path to live life and pursue Christ

with other young Catholic people.

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And so I chose to go to a Catholic

school in Washington state in

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search for that Catholic community.

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And oddly enough, sadly enough,

there wasn't really a strong

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Catholic community on that campus.

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And a lot of the ministry that

was offered was again, like non

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denominational Christian type stuff.

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And a lot of the retreats

they offer, they didn't really

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even have mass or, adoration.

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Adoration was maybe offered once a month.

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I don't even want to say

it was offered that way.

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That often, it was maybe like once or

twice a semester, at least that I knew

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of, and there was daily mass, but at that

point in my life, I wasn't really at a

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point where I was going to daily mass.

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And one time I think I tried to

go and there was literally like

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five people at daily mass and I

was like, uh, I'm not coming back.

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And then the people that were going

to church every Sunday, because there

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were a lot of students that went every

Sunday, like hundreds of students that

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went every Sunday, they were the same

people who were partying and getting

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blacked out drunk the nights before,

Friday and Saturday that weekend.

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And so I did it with them, you know, I

tried to go with the crowd and tried to

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keep my faith and kind of tried to walk

this double life, tried to walk this

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very fine line of, no, I am that Catholic

girl, but I'm also with everybody else

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because this is what you do in college.

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And this is my time to be free and

make friends and live a full life.

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And, like I said, I'm an extrovert

and I just like have always had like a

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zeal for life and a passion for life and

I didn't want me pursuing my faith to

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extinguish that zeal that I had for life.

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And I know now that

that's obviously not true.

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And I know that.

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True zeal and true fullness of life

and true joy is found in Christ.

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But at the time I thought

you had to pick one.

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I didn't know that a life with

Christ could be so wonderful

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and exciting and beautiful.

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And unfortunately, um, it took a

really like rock bottom moment, the

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first semester of my sophomore year,

where I just had a really bad night

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out and my best friend sat me down

in the kitchen and she was like, Hey.

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Do you want to talk about last night?

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And, , I thought we were going to debrief

all the details of the night before,

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like we usually did on Saturday mornings.

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And she was like, no, I like, I

want to make sure you're okay.

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Like, are you okay?

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Like after everything that happened

last night, like, are you okay?

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And I was surprised by her question

because I was very confident in who I was.

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And I was never someone who was like,

Trying to be like fake or, you know, I

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wasn't trying to live a double life and

I always tried to owned up to my action.

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So I knew everything that I was doing.

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And I told her that I was like, you know,

I don't do anything I don't want to do.

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Like, I'm totally fine.

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Like I totally own up to everything I did.

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And it was just another crazy weekend.

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And like, yeah, like it was

a little bit, you know, worse

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than normal, but like, I'm fine.

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Like everything's fine.

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And.

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In that moment, the Lord, I think,

allowed the Holy Spirit to open

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my eyes to the severity of the

statement that I was making.

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I think in that moment, the Lord

allowed me to hear myself say these

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words and to realize just how distant

I must have gotten from my faith and

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from that like moral line that I once

wanted to live, that I didn't even

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realize the way that I was living.

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And I realized how not okay I

must have been if I was truly okay

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with the way that I was living.

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And I'm so grateful that my friend asked

me that, and I'm so grateful that the

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Lord allowed me to have that moment

to have that wake up moment because

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the next day I went to confession for

the first time in a really long time.

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And it was a really good confession.

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It was a confession that I actually

felt true remorse for my sins.

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It wasn't one where I was just

saying like, you know, what my

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sins were, knowing that I was going

to do them all the weekend after.

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No, like I actually truly felt

sorrow for the way that I was

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living and wanted to repent and

wanted To leave that life behind.

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And that was the first time

I really ever felt that way.

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And the priest said something to me

that really struck me that day and stuck

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with me for a long time after that.

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And the Lord must have just put this

on his heart because he didn't know

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much about me, but he said like,

Mari, you want to be married someday.

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Right.

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And I actually remember he said like,

you want to find your Prince charming.

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Right.

397

And little did you know, I've

always been a hopeless romantic.

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I love love.

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I loved.

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Princess stories, you know, and the prince

and the prince, when they get married and

401

everything, he lives happily ever after.

402

Like that was me.

403

And I was like, yeah, of course, of

course I want to find my Prince charming.

404

Like of course I want

to find a good husband.

405

And he said, and you want that man

to be a good Catholic man, right?

406

Like that's what you're looking for.

407

And I was like, yes, I want a great

Catholic man to be my husband,

408

future father of my children.

409

Exactly.

410

And he said, my daughter, you

need to start being the type of

411

woman that that man would want

to marry yeah, that was, ouch.

412

That was rough.

413

I remember hearing that and just

being like, whoa, like low key, you're

414

kind of saying I'm a bad person.

415

Um, Loki, he was kind of calling

me out and I needed that.

416

Honestly, I needed that.

417

And it struck my heart and

like I said, it stuck with me

418

for a while and he was right.

419

He was right because I was expecting

some good Catholic man to see me drunk

420

at a party And want to pursue me like

that doesn't make any sense actually.

421

And so I realized that I first needed

to change and that I needed to work

422

on my relationship with the Lord and

rediscover like who he made me to be and,

423

and what kind of life he wanted for me

so that once I had my identity firmly

424

rooted in Christ, then I would actually

be available to meet a good Catholic man

425

that would continue to lead me to Christ.

426

And so in that moment, I.

427

Swore off boys and I decided that I

was going to go into a period of my

428

life where I was truly going to focus

on my relationship with the Lord, pour

429

into my friendships and just kind of

like ignore boys, just like not date

430

anybody, not pursue anybody, not be in

any sort of relationship or whatever.

431

And what was crazy, I didn't

really tell anybody this.

432

Um, I told my friends, but I didn't

really tell my parents or my family.

433

And around the same time, literally just

a few days or like a week after that

434

confession and a week after I made that

decision, my dad sent me a care package.

435

Maybe it was both my mom and my dad,

436

like they sent me a care package to

school and in it was a book called

437

Written by Jason Everett called how to

find your soulmate without losing your

438

soul I don't know if maybe they knew

what was going on or not, but it was

439

very timely that that book ended up in

my hands And I started reading it and I

440

couldn't put it down because I had never

heard that This concept of chastity and

441

purity be presented so beautifully, and

even just like the meaning of a single

442

kiss with, which at that point didn't

really mean much to me, like, was so

443

beautiful and to be respected and.

444

It was just not something I

had really experienced at this

445

point in my relationships,

446

but it captured my heart and

it was so attractive to me.

447

And I started reading through

this book and they listed out

448

kind of like all the red flags or

all the like wrong guys to avoid.

449

And I was like, wow, I

literally could name.

450

a guy for every single one of those

chapters that I've met or had a

451

relationship in some way or whatever.

452

And I was like, I need to get it together.

453

That book was a blessing to me because

it totally shifted my mindset on purpose

454

of dating and how to prepare for marriage

and how to become the godly woman that

455

a wonderful Christian man, wonderful

Catholic man would want to marry.

456

And so I started intentionally praying

for my future husband every single

457

night, and I had a notes in my phone

and I wrote down in the notes, like

458

the top characteristics, both like

personality traits and physical traits

459

that I wanted in my future husband.

460

And I would pray with it every single

night and just ask the Lord, like,

461

Lord, I pray for this future man that

you have for me and all these things.

462

I pray that he would

be like this and this.

463

And I pray that, you know, I

Whatever it was that he's strong

464

in his faith and all these things.

465

And I began to pray for

him every single night.

466

And if you haven't heard episode two

yet, where I talk about my relationship

467

with Trey, my story with Trey, then

you literally need to go hear that

468

because it ties in back into this

phone note that I had with all the

469

characteristics of my future husband.

470

It's so, so crazy.

471

How the Lord answered that

prayer so specifically.

472

And so from then on, I started to sort of

listen to that side of my heart that was

473

nudging me towards good, that was nudging

me towards a Christ centered life, a moral

474

life to keep good standards in my life

and truly know, I know now it was the

475

Holy Spirit just whispering, you know,

that the Lord has bigger plans for you.

476

The Lord loves you.

477

The Lord made you for

so much more than this.

478

the Lord made you for an abundant

life, which in the end is all

479

I was really seeking was just

like this joyful, full life.

480

And it all culminated in this moment of

481

So this whole like rock bottom moment,

starting to have a change of heart

482

happened in the fall of my sophomore year.

483

And then second semester sophomore year

in January, while we were on break, it

484

was January 1st, like new year's mass.

485

I went to mass and I received communion

and I knelt down in the pew and I prayed.

486

I don't really know why this prayer

came from my heart, but it sort of just

487

like surged from my heart, this prayer

of surrender of my life to the Lord.

488

And I remember praying there.

489

I remember closing my eyes and like

opening my hands in the pew and just being

490

like, Lord, I surrender my life to you.

491

I know you have made me for more

than what I am living right now.

492

I know that you have given me

great gifts to be a leader.

493

I know that you've given me like

a heart for you and to share you.

494

And I'm not using these gifts.

495

I'm not living this way right now.

496

Please use me.

497

And I prayed that like, Lord, please

use me in whatever way you want.

498

And I will do anything you asked me to.

499

Oh my gosh, you guys, that is

a dangerous prayer to pray.

500

If you are not ready to actually

follow through on that commitment

501

because the Lord takes you up on that.

502

And he took me up on that.

503

I remember praying like, Lord, if

I have to change my friends and

504

drop my friends, I will do that.

505

If I have to drop schools and move

across the country, if that's what

506

you want me to do, I'll do it.

507

If I have to get up and speak in front

of a million people, I will do that.

508

I don't really know why I said those

specific things, but looking at my life

509

now, that's kind of what I'm doing.

510

I moved away from where I was living

to be in a more Catholic community.

511

I have this platform speaking

to thousands of people about the

512

Lord and Christ centered living.

513

So.

514

When I say be careful when you pray

for those things, I mean it because

515

the Lord will take you up on that.

516

Nothing brings more joy to the Lord than

a soul that surrenders their life to

517

him, opens their hands and says, use me

as an instrument to bring people to you.

518

I mean, it is just, it's a gift.

519

And he did that.

520

And so after that prayer, all of

a sudden, I started hearing about

521

this organization called focus.

522

I'd never heard of focus before.

523

And after that day, all of a sudden,

so many people in my life just would

524

randomly bring up focus and they

had never brought it up before.

525

And these were people who I saw often

and they were just like, Oh yeah.

526

Like I just like went to this like

focus conference or like, Oh yeah.

527

Have you heard of this focus

thing that's going on on different

528

college campuses or like whatever.

529

Like it just kept.

530

Getting brought up over and over again.

531

And so I felt like I had

to look into it and I did.

532

I went home and I Googled like,

focus, you know, fellowship of

533

Catholic university students.

534

What is this?

535

And I learned about the ministry

that they did and how they brought

536

missionaries to college campuses

to make a more vibrant Catholic

537

community and to build up disciples.

538

And I was like, this is it.

539

Like, this is what I need to do.

540

I need to be a missionary.

541

I didn't really know

what that actually meant.

542

I didn't know that that was

like a job after you graduated.

543

So as a sophomore in college, I

literally applied to be a missionary.

544

And I remember there's like a couple

of questions, like, are you ready

545

to move to a different state or are

you ready to commit for two years?

546

And I didn't check those boxes.

547

Cause I was like, well, I'm a student.

548

I don't really know how that's

supposed to work, but get back to

549

me and we'll figure something out.

550

And I just, I just had this desire to

serve and I had this love for the Lord

551

and I had this love for his people and

for bringing him to his people that just

552

like started to grow and grow and grow.

553

And so I came back to campus after

break with this idea of focus of wanting

554

to bring them to my campus and start

Bible studies and bring missionaries

555

and have this vibrant community that

I wish that I had when I got there so

556

that all these other students that were

coming for the same reason wouldn't

557

get lost in this, like, you know,

wild degenerate party culture that.

558

Pretty much every college campus

has on its campus right now.

559

And unfortunately they weren't

able to bring focus on at that

560

time, but they did encourage me

to start my own Bible studies.

561

And that's where I met Trey.

562

We met because we both wanted

to start Bible studies together.

563

And again, all that, all those

details are in episode two.

564

So go and listen to that

to get the full scoop.

565

But basically we started leading

these Bible studies together and we

566

started pursuing Christ together.

567

And even though we were really diving

into our faith, I was still sort of

568

had like one foot kind of in like the

party culture and most of my body, I

569

think, in the Christ centered world.

570

But I was still kind of like,

Oh, I'm not fully ready to

571

let go of all this stuff yet.

572

Cause that's the way my

friends were living too.

573

And that's like what we did.

574

Until I got an internship with

Focus, I think this was probably

575

the first or second year that

they even offered internships.

576

And I moved to Colorado for the summer

and that summer changed my entire life.

577

That summer changed my entire life

because for the first time I met

578

other women my age who were on fire

for their faith and who actually were

579

striving to live a Christ centered life.

580

And they modeled for me what that looked

like and they taught me how to pray and

581

they walked with me as I tried to figure

out how to let go of these sins that I

582

had and actually I remember having a lot

of conversations with them where they

583

would kind of tell me about how like,

yeah, like we don't do these things with

584

our boyfriends or like, no, we don't

get drunk or like, 21 and I remember

585

thinking like, yeah, Oh, I'm so going

to crack them by the end of this summer.

586

Like they're so faking it.

587

Like they just did that to get this job.

588

Like they just say that to get

like the Catholic internship, you

589

know, but like, there's no way

they're actually living this way.

590

Like everybody parties in college,

everybody like hooks up with people

591

in college, like all this stuff.

592

Right.

593

I didn't believe them.

594

And the more I got to know them over the

summer, we became really good friends.

595

And the more I got to see

that they were not lying.

596

This was not a persona.

597

This was That they were putting on.

598

This was like actually how they

were striving to live their life.

599

And what was so baffling to me was that

they were so cool and normal and fun.

600

Like they were like such fun girls that

I totally would have wanted to be friends

601

with, even if they weren't Catholic, or

even if we weren't at this internship.

602

And so they just lived this attractive

life that I was like, all right.

603

Like if you're doing it and you

say it's possible and you're so

604

fun and joyful and cool, like.

605

I think I have to hop on board.

606

Like, I think I have to try.

607

And so I took that summer to start

changing my life and to start living a

608

more Christ centered life and to let go

of these mortal sins that I was living in.

609

And I remember Trey was kind of going

through similar things on his own as well.

610

And we had a lot of conversations that

summer of like, okay, what are we going

611

to change in our relationship and in

our friendships and the way we live?

612

And it was the start of

a whole new life for me.

613

And that summer I got to know who Christ

was because for the first time ever, I

614

spent an hour in prayer every single day.

615

Like that's what you do on these

focus internships besides working.

616

Like you have an hour of prayer

and adoration every single day.

617

You have mass every single day.

618

You pray the rosary every single day.

619

I think you also have the

opportunity to pray the divine

620

mercy chaplet every single day.

621

It's kind of crazy.

622

But the thing is, graces are so real.

623

You guys, your soul.

624

Can't help, but be transformed when

you are in the presence of Christ and

625

receiving him and in community with

such amazing people every single day.

626

And so that summer was huge for me.

627

And right after that summer, I was

going abroad to study abroad in Italy.

628

So I wasn't going back to campus and I

was already a little bit nervous about

629

going abroad because all my friends

were, science majors and I don't

630

know, they weren't able to go abroad.

631

So I wasn't really going

abroad with a lot of friends.

632

I had like one, maybe two girls that I

knew and that I was friends with abroad.

633

so I was already nervous about

not really knowing people, but.

634

Looking back, I know now that the Lord

set that up for me to give me the space

635

to start living into this like new

life, this like new and renewed Mari

636

that I had turned into that summer

and that I had discovered that summer.

637

He gave me that space abroad

where I wasn't surrounded by

638

the people that knew me well.

639

And that like had a certain expectation

of who I was and the way that I lived.

640

And it gave me an opportunity

to start fresh and to commit to

641

these things that I was all of a

sudden striving for in my life.

642

And I remember that it was hard.

643

I remember that there were people who like

knew of me and knew who I was and were

644

expecting me to like, go out all the time

and party big and all that kind of stuff.

645

And, um, I don't know, it was, it was a

little bit of a lonely time, but it was

646

also a very, beautiful time of, Intimacy

with the Lord because I didn't have

647

a lot of people to turn to and by the

grace of God, I would go to the chapel

648

and I would pray like every day and have

649

this like prayer routine that

I was building in my life and

650

continuing that consistency from

the summer, but on my own now.

651

And so before I came back to school

after that semester abroad, I remember

652

I texted my friends and we had this

whole conversation cause I was like

653

I need to sort of let them know like what

my life looks like now and what they can

654

expect when I go back to campus because

I had to tell them like how it was going

655

to be and that I wasn't going to get

drunk anymore and that I wouldn't be

656

drinking till I was 21 and that I was

going to be spending time praying every

657

single day and really focusing on my

faith and my relationship with the Lord.

658

And I was nervous to tell them because

There was obviously that possibility that

659

they wouldn't like that and that they

wouldn't like this new Mari and that they

660

would leave or abandon me or whatever.

661

Um, but they didn't and they

are still my best friends today.

662

Praise God.

663

They totally received me.

664

And I'll say that it, was maybe

hard for them to swallow at first.

665

They were like, okay, like, are

we still going to like have fun?

666

You know?

667

And I was like, of course, like,

we're not going to stop being friends.

668

And I am not asking you

to change your whole life.

669

Although if you want to like join

me, but like, I'm not judging you.

670

I'm not asking you to change your life.

671

I'm not, you know, imposing any of

my decisions on you, but I'm just

672

sharing like where I'm at right now.

673

Luckily, they totally

received me and supported me.

674

And they're like, your relationship

with God is really important.

675

And if that's what you want

to focus on, then like, we're

676

going to support you in that.

677

And the beautiful thing is slowly, I

did see their hearts change slowly.

678

We had so many more conversations

about our faith and we started

679

doing Bible study together.

680

And my best friend actually

entered into the Catholic church.

681

She was baptized and confirmed,

and I am her godmother.

682

And it was a beautiful, Season where

my growth was able to open doors for

683

my friends as well for them to dive

into their relationship with Jesus.

684

And what's crazy, you guys

is that the Lord showed me

685

so much grace in this season.

686

I look back and I, I truly don't know

how I did it because even now I feel like

687

living a good spiritual life and staying

committed to prayer and the sacraments

688

like can be really hard to be consistent.

689

But back then, I don't know, like

I was given so much grace and so

690

much confidence in my decisions.

691

I didn't sway on my decisions.

692

And for some reason, literally by the

grace of God, I would get up every single

693

morning an hour before class to go to

the student chapel that was on campus

694

and pray at the chapel for literally 60

minutes every single day before class.

695

I would read Saint books.

696

So I read St.

697

Faustina's Diary and Story of a Soul.

698

I read a book about St.

699

John Paul II.

700

I did a lot of 30 day

scripture challenges.

701

So I was constantly reading the Gospels

and doing Lectio Divina and really

702

learning what mental prayer was, what

contemplative prayer was, and just having

703

like conversations with the Lord where I

felt like for the first time ever, , He

704

was listening to me and I could like feel

the movement of his will in my heart.

705

And it was a beautiful,

beautiful time of grace and

706

I was just like in a remote

spiritual universe somehow.

707

Um, and my heart continued to grow

in love for the Lord and continue

708

to kind of be set on fire even more

for sharing the gospel with people.

709

and for evangelizing and

bringing other people into this

710

experience that I had found.

711

I just felt like I had hit the jackpot and

that everybody else had to know about it.

712

Because the thing is like, like I said,

like I always wanted to live this abundant

713

life and I always had this zeal for life.

714

And my fear was that if I lived a

Christ centered life, I would lose that.

715

But instead what I found was that I

had never been so much more me, so much

716

more like Mari than when I found Christ.

717

And when I was starting to live this

Christ centered life, I was like,

718

wow, like I am so much more joyful.

719

I have so much more freedom in my life.

720

Like I am so confident in who I

am and I could feel people like.

721

Being attracted to me in some way and

just being like, what does she have?

722

Like, like what is going on in her life?

723

You know, people would question,

like, what is going on with Mari?

724

Like, what is going on in her life?

725

And the answer really was just the Lord.

726

And so I started to follow this

desire that I had to evangelize and

727

started to listen to that prompting.

728

And I started a few Bible studies

on campus and I started, um, an

729

Instagram blog, which at the time

was called West Coast Catholic.

730

And I recently switched it to

my name, which is my current

731

Instagram blog at mari.

732

c.

733

wagner.

734

And on that blog, I just started

to share what my faith life

735

was like as a college student.

736

I called it West Coast Catholic because

Like you heard in my story earlier, I

737

felt like I was kind of like the only

Catholic person on the West coast.

738

And I knew that there had to be other

women out there like me who felt alone,

739

but who loved the Lord and just had no

idea how to live a good Christian life.

740

And so I stepped out in boldness.

741

Again, this was totally the Lord

giving me the grace to do this.

742

I don't know why I wasn't like that.

743

totally freaking out, but I wasn't.

744

And I started this blog and I just

started to share about my faith life.

745

And I just started to share about

my prayer and reflections on what I

746

thought about my faith and the Lord

and sharing about, um, how I was

747

living in chastity and virtue and

inspiring other people to hopefully

748

make these decisions in their life.

749

And all of this, my blog and me being

a Bible study leader and intentionally

750

investing in the girls that were in

my Bible studies and getting coffee

751

with them and all these things, this,

like what I know is now called mission

752

work was like taking over my life.

753

And I was like, Oh my gosh, school is

really getting in the way of all my.

754

Bible study planning meetings and

my coffee dates with my girls and my

755

blogging and all this kind of stuff.

756

And I knew that the Lord was calling

me to continue to live mission.

757

I mean, he's calling all of us to

live mission in some way, but he was

758

really intentionally calling me to

devote my life to making him known

759

and to sharing the gospel with people.

760

And so later that senior year of

college, I committed to being a

761

focus missionary with focus and I was

placed at UNL in Lincoln, Nebraska,

762

and I continue to do that kind of work

and it was beautiful and wonderful.

763

And I love those years as a missionary.

764

And if I didn't have West Coast

Catholic, our Catholic lifestyle

765

business, and if that hadn't grown

so much, I probably would have done

766

more years as a focus missionary.

767

Trey and I were growing our business

which we also launched in college.

768

And that'll have to be

a whole nother episode.

769

But it was growing and, you know, we

were just dedicated to helping people

770

experience a foretaste of heaven through

the products that we were creating.

771

And I was trying to create content

as well, to inspire people, to seek

772

Christ, to live a Christ centered life.

773

Really in hopes that somebody would

encounter it and finally feel like

774

they were known and that they belong

just like I felt that one summer

775

where I finally met women like me,

776

and that is still my hope and it's still

my goal and my mission with everything

777

that I create, I pray for you constantly

778

and I pray for the women who were

in the same place that I was.

779

And, you know, I pray for the girl

who's 19 and struggling with all these

780

questions in her life and wrestling

with what is right and wrong and

781

what the Lord is calling her to do.

782

And I hope that she finds my content

and is inspired and sees that you can

783

live a beautiful Christian life and be

in college and be relatable and fun.

784

Or maybe a woman who is 25 and she's

newly married or she's trying to figure

785

out adult life in the working world

and trying to figure out how to stay

786

strong in her faith in the midst of a

modern world that is so anti Christian.

787

Or maybe you're listening and you're in

your thirties and you're a young wife

788

and a young mom, and you're wanting to

learn how to bring the Catholic faith

789

to life in your home, how to root your

family and your marriage in Christ

790

and raise your kids in the faith.

791

Whoever you are, know that I'm

praying for you and know that.

792

I hope and I pray that my content can help

make you feel seen and known and that you

793

belong here and that you're not alone and

that you can change and that a life with

794

Christ is so, so beautiful and so worth it

795

because it is.

796

And I've experienced that every day

since the day that I surrendered

797

my life to the Lord and it has

been a continual surrender.

798

It's not just a one thing.

799

And I continue to

experience highs and lows.

800

I look back at my story and I see those

times where there was so much grace that

801

covered me and so much grace, um, in the

moments where I was learning to pray and

802

learning about my faith and that zeal

that I had and that was such a good and

803

beautiful time, but it isn't always like

that there's highs and there's lows.

804

And there's times where

prayer is really hard.

805

And I questioned the Lord and I

asked him why he's doing the things

806

that he's doing in our lives.

807

And I have to recenter and, you know,

go back to the saints or go back to

808

scripture and remind myself of the truth.

809

Um, so know that I am.

810

Like right there with you.

811

Like, I don't have it figured out.

812

I'm still on this journey and I'm still

every day coming to know the Lord's heart

813

more and more and learning to surrender

my life more and more and to find more of

814

that peace and that joy that he offers to

all of us when we give our life to him.

815

So that's my story, you guys.

816

Thanks for being here.

817

And if you've gotten

this far, props to you.

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We're probably close to an hour.

819

Um, but that's my story.

820

And truly, to this day, I feel so

humbled and grateful that the Lord

821

has given me a place to share it.

822

I don't know why the Lord has

called me to share it in such

823

big ways and with so many people.

824

And it's crazy to know that thousands of

people will hear this, but, you Like I

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said, I pray that it moves your heart.

826

I pray that it motivates you, that it

inspires you to change something in your

827

life, to maybe listen to that nudge of the

Holy Spirit that you have been feeling in

828

your heart or that call that you know the

Lord has been waiting for you to take.

829

And I hope most of all that it,

you to get off your phone and

830

get off your screen and go to the

chapel and spend time with Jesus.

831

That is the biggest thing that I have

learned in my life and through this whole

832

process is that prayer is what makes

our relationship with the Lord and it

833

is the number one thing that I recommend

that you focus on if you are trying to

834

grow in your faith is pray, pray, pray.

835

Go to the chapel, go to adoration,

seek the sacraments, spend time with

836

Jesus, time in silence, time to allow

him to speak to you in the silence

837

of your heart and let him transform

your heart, transform your life.

838

I know that if you let him, that if you

open your heart to him, he will do that.

839

All right, we need to wrap this up

because it's going to get really

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long, but, um, before we go, can

we just end in a prayer, please?

841

Can I just pray for you

right here, right now?

842

Let's just pray.

843

In the name of the Father,

Son, Holy Spirit, Amen.

844

Come Holy Spirit, come fill this

room, come fill the heart of

845

your daughter or your son who

is listening to this right now.

846

I thank you for the gift of their life

and for the way that you have called them

847

to live uh, virtuously, to live joyfully.

848

to live in surrender to you and to live

out the plan that you so beautifully

849

have crafted for them in their life.

850

I pray Lord for any resistance that

they have in their hearts, anything

851

that is making them push you away or

anything that is making them nervous

852

or scared To approach you lord that

you would just remove that That you

853

would show them that you are gentle

that you are good That you are faithful

854

and that all you want to do is love and

provide and bless them in their life.

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And I pray lord also for all those who

feel this pain Burning in their heart.

856

After hearing this for all those whose

hearts are just set a fire and wanting

857

to do similar work, wanting to go out

and do mission and make you know more

858

that you would give them the gifts

and the courage to go out and do so.

859

And we ask this all through the

intercession of your most Holy mother.

860

, we ask Mary that you would

intercede for us and protect us.

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And bring us closer to your son as

we pray hail Mary full of grace.

862

The Lord is with thee, blessed

art thou among women and blessed

863

is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.

864

Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for us

sinners now and at the hour of our death.

865

Amen.

866

In the name of the

father, son, Holy spirit.

867

Amen.