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3: My Testimony: How I Found My Faith & Gave My Life To Christ
Episode 315th April 2024 • Ever Be • Mari Wagner
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This episode of the Ever Be podcast dives into Mari's personal journey with her Catholic faith, beginning with her upbringing in a culturally Catholic family and evolving into a deeper, personal relationship with God. Mari explores the process of rediscovering her faith through various experiences, including a significant encounter with the Eucharist, moments of prayer, and meaningful interactions that challenged her to live out her faith authentically. Her testimony highlights key moments of grace, challenges, and the transformative power of a committed prayer life. Mari shares how her desire to evangelize and live out a mission-centered life led her to become involved in Focus and start a Catholic lifestyle business and an Instagram blog to share her faith. She expresses a fervent hope to inspire and support others in their journey towards a Christ-centered life through her content, and she concludes with a powerful prayer for listeners, inviting the Holy Spirit to encourage and guide them towards embracing their faith more fully.

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Transcripts

Speaker:

Welcome, welcome back

to the ever be podcast.

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This is episode three now and.

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Okay, start over, start over.

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Welcome back everybody, happy Wednesday.

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I'm so excited to have

everybody here again.

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No, no, no, no.

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Welcome back everybody, happy Wednesday.

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We are kicking it off again with

another episode here at Everbee.

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Welcome back everybody, happy Wednesday.

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We are here with another episode at Ever

Be and today is going to be a good one.

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Today I'm going to be sharing

my testimony, my story.

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How I came to know the Lord and

deepen my relationship with him.

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And I'm excited to share this one because

it's like the biggest story of my life.

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Pretty much the story of how the Lord

has captured my heart and, convicted

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me to give my entire life to him.

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So I'm excited to share it today.

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I'm excited to share this

part of my life with you.

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And can I just say, I just, I just love

that we're doing this, this whole podcast.

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I love that I'm recording this right

now, because if you haven't heard

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episode one, I basically go into the

reason why I wanted to start this

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podcast was literally so we could go

deep and so that we can have like the

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raw, good, meaningful conversations.

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And I realized as I was like preparing

for this episode, that there's so much

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of my story that I haven't shared yet.

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And not because I haven't wanted

to, or because it's not meaningful,

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but just because there's just

like these little details that.

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I don't know.

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Like, I just don't really make

sense in a feed post or in a reel

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and only really makes sense if you

tell the whole context of the story.

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So a lot of this really is like

never before shared and I'm just

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excited to, to bring it all to the

light and to just share with you how

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amazing the Lord has been in my life.

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So let's start in the beginning.

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I was born and raised Catholic.

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My family is from Colombia, South America.

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And I would say at least back then

when I was born and maybe still now,

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I don't know, times have changed,

but at least when I was born, like a

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lot of Latin American countries and

like probably the majority of the

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population in Latin American countries

were Catholic or are Catholic.

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And so my family is Catholic.

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And I, like I said, was

born and raised Catholic.

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And what I came to realize looking back

now is that I was raised more in like a

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culturally Catholic setting, not really

like a practicing Catholic setting.

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So what that looked like practically was

like I knew who God was and like every

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good Catholic grandma and mom, my, my mom

and my grandma taught me to love Mary.

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So I knew about that.

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And we went to church sometimes,

although it wasn't every Sunday.

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But I grew up knowing what the faith was.

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I grew up knowing who the Lord

was and that he was my father.

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Um, but other than that.

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It, there wasn't much depth to it.

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Um, I didn't really have

like a personal relationship.

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Like God was more of like a, like a

distant grandfather that like looked

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upon me, you know, but it wasn't really

like an active player in my life.

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And really faith to me felt more

of like, kind of like a fairy

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tale, kind of like a fable story.

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Like one of those things that you

just like heard a lot growing up,

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but wasn't really like Um, I remember

my grandma, she would always play

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out the creation story for us.

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These memories are so vivid to me, um,

of me being like, I don't know, like

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between the ages of like five and eight,

probably where my grandma would come visit

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us from Colombia and stay with us for

a few weeks or like a month at a time.

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And she'd open the Bible and

it was always chapter one.

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It was always Genesis chapter one, like

the creation story in the beginning.

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Right.

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And.

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She would go to the bat, she

would like hide us in the

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bathroom and turn the lights off.

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And she would open the Bible and start

reading, I think maybe from memory or I

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don't remember if she had a flashlight

or something like that, you know, but she

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would start in the beginning, you know,

it was dark and then, and then there

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were stars and then there was, you know,

the moon and the sun and she would have

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these little flashlights to like emulate

the stars and then she would, you know,

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turn on the light or start opening the

door to show like the brightness of the

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sun and the moon that was shining in.

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And she made that one creation story

so vivid and so captivating for me.

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And so that's a memory I have.

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When I was little, but all in all, it

kind of made the faith, like I said,

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like a story, like a fable, like a

fantasy story that you just hear growing

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up, that's kind of like, Oh, wow.

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Like captivating, but

like, that's not real.

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You know what I mean?

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But even so, I always had an interest

in my faith and those little moments

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that I had when I was little with my

grandma and with my mom talking to me

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about, you know, God and Mary, those

stuck with me and I always had a love

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for my faith and an interest in my faith.

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And growing up, I went to youth group.

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I, did some retreats in

middle school and high school.

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So I would.

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Say I was probably more involved

than maybe like the average kid.

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Um, not all my friends were as involved

in church as I was, but like I said, there

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still wasn't like that personal component

of my relationship with the Lord.

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Like it was still kind of like an

extracurricular that I was like proud to

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have in my life, but it wasn't something

that I felt like I owned and I knew

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Why or what I was doing really, and

even though I was involved in all these

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kind of like youth group type stuff,

it wasn't something that really, like,

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faith wasn't necessarily something like

defined my life or my family's life.

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We didn't really live out our faith,

besides going to mass on Sunday.

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And even then we didn't always

go to mass every Sunday.

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Being in Seattle, there's like.

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Way more cloudy days than not.

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And so when the sun came out,

sometimes we were like, Oh

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yeah, like let's go on a hike.

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Like, let's go to the park and it's fine.

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Like God will understand, you know,

and we would like skip mass one day.

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Cause it was like a really nice day

out and we just wanted to be outside

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or maybe a new movie would come out

and we were like, Oh yeah, like we

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didn't make it to mass this morning.

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Like that's okay.

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We're going to go to the movies and

well, I guess we missed evening mass too.

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So, you know, we would just kind of

be on the back burner and it was just

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kind of something that like, we grew

up identifying as Catholic, Yeah.

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But it wasn't what defined us

and it wasn't like a practice

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that our family actually had.

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And so sometimes I look back and I

wonder like, how did I stay Catholic?

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Or like, how did I keep an interest

throughout middle school and high school

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when it wasn't that big of a deal for

my family or when it wasn't really

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like a huge part of our family life?

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And as I was reflecting, I see

the way the Lord allowed little

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moments of encounter in my life

that increased my faith and that

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kept me close to him in some way.

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For example, my first interaction,

with Eucharist was on a retreat.

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In eighth grade, I think at that

point I had only been on like some

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local mission trips and I didn't

really know what a retreat was.

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And so when I signed up for this

retreat, I remember going and being

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confused pretty much the whole weekend

as to like, why we weren't like pulling

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weeds or like painting someone's house

or like doing community service work.

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Because that's all I'd

ever done on mission trips.

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And I came to find out that a retreat

is really more of like a prayerful time

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of reflection, which you might already

know that, but eighth grade Mari did not.

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And so they had an adoration night

one night and they told us about

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how we were going to have a time

of prayer, a time of silence.

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And we did like a whole rosary

around the campus and then ended

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in like the main stage area.

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And they had Jesus

exposed in the Eucharist.

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All the middle schoolers were sitting down

on the ground and they had worship music

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going on and the lights were dimmed and

there was candles and stuff like that.

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And I remember the ambience was like

really peaceful and really beautiful.

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And I felt like this draw to Jesus

in the Eucharist and this awe and

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truly this like adoration in my heart.

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It's like my soul knew,

which obviously it did.

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It's like my soul knew like

the King was before me.

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But yeah, I wasn't really sure like

what the gravity of that really meant.

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I just knew it was holy and it was good.

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And the priest started processing

Jesus around the aisles to the

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different students and he would stop

in front of, , each kid and allow

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them to have a moment with Jesus in

the Eucharist right in front of them.

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And I'd never seen that before.

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I don't, Even know if I had been to

adoration before, like at my parish.

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So this was a pretty powerful, like

first experience of adoration in general.

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And I remember feeling this anticipation

and like this nervousness as the

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priest was getting closer to me.

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Cause I was like, Oh my gosh,

like, what am I supposed to do?

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Like, what's, what's about to happen?

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Like, who is this?

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You know?

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And the priest is coming by in

front of every student, every kid.

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And he comes in front of me and he

raises the monstrance above my face and

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I remember this vividly, like in my head,

I remember, um, the room getting dark.

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Like, I remember like, it seems

like my surroundings just like

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dimmed and like this glow just

like came from the Eucharist.

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Now it wasn't anything

like supernaturally crazy.

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Like maybe it was the spotlight.

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If there was one on Jesus, I don't

know, but like the room went dark and

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there was just a glow around our Lord

in the Eucharist, in the monstrance.

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And I.

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My, my breath was taken away and I

remember like I looked at him and I

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knew that was the Lord and I remember I

took the humorous veil, like that fabric

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that the priest wears on around him,

that he uses to grab the monstrance.

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We were able to touch that and kiss it.

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And I remember I grabbed it and kissed

it and almost felt like I had to look

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away from Jesus because I just knew he

was the Lord and I just felt unworthy.

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And I just, you know, I looked at him

for a second and then I bowed my head

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and kissed the veil and, and then the

priest moved on to the next person.

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And that was a very

powerful moment for me.

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And I wouldn't say that

that like changed my life.

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Like it wasn't like the next day I was

like mother Teresa, like not at all, but

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it left a lasting impression in my heart.

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And it made the Lord made sure that

I knew That his body and blood were

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truly present in the Eucharist.

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And I never doubted that

for the rest of my life.

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I, I never had a moment where I

wondered, is this just a symbol?

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Like I just knew from that

moment that that was him.

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Later down the road, a few years

later, I got the opportunity to

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go to a Steubenville conference,

which are really popular now.

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It's kind of like a SEEK, I think for

like middle school and high school again,

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or maybe it's just for high school.

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I can't remember.

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I think I went, I think

I went in high school.

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But I was able to have Another encounter

like that, with adoration and in

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this beautiful setting with all these

young kids and music, and just kind

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of having that powerful experience,

in front of the Lord and adoration.

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And at that same conference, you

know, I started hearing these speakers

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that I had never heard before.

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I heard Jason Everett and, maybe even

Sarah Swofford, or I can't remember who

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else, who else was there, but that was

the first time that I really heard these

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messages of like hope and joy and virtue

and chastity and faith and how to do

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these things in the everyday life and how,

your faith should be a part of your life.

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I had never heard messages like these

before, because again, it wasn't something

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that was really talked about in my house

and it wasn't really something that

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was present in my community either.

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And I'm grateful for my parents for

encouraging me to go on these things

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and for sending me on these things, even

though I know now where they were at

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in their faith at that time, and they

weren't very strong in their faith.

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They didn't really know

anything about their faith.

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They just kind of did things because

that's what you do as a Catholic.

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And you had to do like this.

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Check the boxes, you know, but they

weren't really catechized or didn't

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really have a relationship with Jesus.

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And it wasn't really until my mom went

through her own reversion, kind of like

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mid to later high school years for me,

that our whole family started coming

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back to the church and started changing.

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And it was a really beautiful process.

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And when all that started happening, I

kind of started to realize like, wow,

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like my family is kind of different.

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Like, there's not a lot of people around

me who are really practicing Catholics.

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And my family's like kind of

starting to get into this and

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going to church a lot more.

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Like all of a sudden my mom's like,

we were never skipping a Sunday mass.

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Like, you know, we complained, we were

like, Oh my gosh, mom, this sucks.

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But she was very firm on that.

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And so grateful she was.

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And, you know, my family started to come

back and, , it was All these things were

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happening at home, but then I would go

to school and I didn't really have people

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at school who were on a similar journey.

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And actually my closest group

of friends ended up being like a

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group of Mormon kids from school

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because they lived such a good life,

they were such good people and they

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motivated me to learn more about my faith.

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And to kind of question, like,

okay, like, why do we do what we do?

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How can I stand up for my faith?

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Cause they would ask a lot of

questions, like as Catholics,

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like, why do you do this?

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Or why do you believe this?

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Or why not this?

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You know, and not in a bad way.

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Like they were never trying to, you

know, sway me or, um, debunk my faith,

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but they were asking questions and they

were very knowledgeable about their faith

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for the age that we were at being like,

Sophomores and juniors in high school.

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Like they knew everything

about their faith and I knew

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pretty much close to nothing.

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I felt like and sadly I think that's

the case for a lot of Catholics,

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especially in high school and college.

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You realize like, I actually don't

really know why we do what we do.

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And so I hope that this podcast can

maybe shed some light if we ever get

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into like theology and stuff like that.

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But anyways, I don't

want to get sidetracked.

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Basically, these Mormon friends became

my really good friends and they were

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the first people that really showed

me what it looked like to live a

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Christ centered life and what it

looked like to live a moral life.

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Because the thing is, most of my

school I felt like was Christian,

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um, like a lot of the kids that

I was friends with at my school.

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We're non denominational Christian,

and this is like no hate to non

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denominational Christians at all.

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I've met some really amazing Christian

women, um, but unfortunately these

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group of people at my school were

kind of living a double life.

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Like they didn't really

live a good Christian life.

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These kids at my school that were

all Christian were also the ones

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that were sleeping around with

people or partying and getting

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drunk all the time or getting high.

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And so I had a hard time finding like a

real solid group of people because I only

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had the one girlfriend who was Catholic

and we were getting really close, but

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then I also wanted to be friends with

these other like cool Christian people.

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But then I was like, I have felt

some resistance in my heart.

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Cause I was like, well, like this

isn't actually very Christian.

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And then I had the Mormons

who were like amazing people.

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Plus they were so much fun.

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And so I just guess I naturally

gravitated towards them.

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And actually my first serious

dating relationship was with

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one of the guys in that group.

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And he, along with the girls that I

was friends with and the other guys

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in that group, like all kind of showed

me what it was like to have standards.

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Like they always talked about that.

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They always talked about like, you

know, living a good life and having

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good standards in your life and.

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Living up to what the

Lord like made you for.

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And the thing is like, I know

now like truth is captivating

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and that was attractive to me.

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Like the way they talked about

living a good Christian life

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actually was attractive and they

looked happy and fun and cool.

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And I was like, okay, like

I want to be like you.

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And so they made me desire

that good moral life.

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They made me desire my Christian faith

more and they made me really want to dive

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into my Catholic teaching so that I could.

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You know, at least stand up for

my faith and be like, well, as

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Catholics, like we do this and this

is why, you know, I wanted to be

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confident about why I was Catholic.

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So this friend group was actually a great

blessing that the Lord gave me in my life,

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because if it wasn't for this guy that

I dated and the other girls who I became

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close with in this group, I probably

would have partied a lot in high school.

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I probably would have drank

a lot earlier than I did.

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Probably would have lost my

virginity before I was married.

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And my life would just have looked a lot

different, starting from high school.

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And I don't even want to know what

college would have been like if I

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had started high school out that way.

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So I'm really grateful for that.

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And I remember all through high school

and college, just kind of having that

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divide in my heart, kind of like I was

talking about before where like, I wanted

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to be friends with these people, but

in my heart I felt like a resistance

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and I felt like there was a divide.

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Like I wanted to be in the party scene.

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And I'm just like, naturally a student.

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Social like butterfly.

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I'm an extrovert.

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I love making friends.

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I'm always like more of the merrier.

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So I like wanted to be

where the people were.

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I wanted to be in the party scene and I

was always looking for validation in boys.

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I mean, I had like eight boyfriends

in high school, um, which is a lot,

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also part of my heart, like knew

that Jesus didn't make me for that.

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You know, I knew in my heart, like the

Lord didn't make me to live that way.

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and that that wasn't like a full life.

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So by like senior year in high school,

when you're starting to apply to colleges

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and stuff like that, I knew that I

wanted to go to a Catholic school so

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that I could find that same sort of

community that I had with the Mormon

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people in high school, but with Catholic

people and that I could finally be on

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a path to live life and pursue Christ

with other young Catholic people.

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And so I chose to go to a Catholic

school in Washington state in

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search for that Catholic community.

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And oddly enough, sadly enough,

there wasn't really a strong

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Catholic community on that campus.

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And a lot of the ministry that

was offered was again, like non

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denominational Christian type stuff.

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And a lot of the retreats

they offer, they didn't really

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even have mass or, adoration.

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Adoration was maybe offered once a month.

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I don't even want to say

it was offered that way.

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That often, it was maybe like once or

twice a semester, at least that I knew

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of, and there was daily mass, but at that

point in my life, I wasn't really at a

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point where I was going to daily mass.

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And one time I think I tried to

go and there was literally like

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five people at daily mass and I

was like, uh, I'm not coming back.

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And then the people that were going

to church every Sunday, because there

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were a lot of students that went every

Sunday, like hundreds of students that

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went every Sunday, they were the same

people who were partying and getting

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blacked out drunk the nights before,

Friday and Saturday that weekend.

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And so I did it with them, you know, I

tried to go with the crowd and tried to

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keep my faith and kind of tried to walk

this double life, tried to walk this

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very fine line of, no, I am that Catholic

girl, but I'm also with everybody else

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because this is what you do in college.

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And this is my time to be free and

make friends and live a full life.

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And, like I said, I'm an extrovert

and I just like have always had like a

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zeal for life and a passion for life and

I didn't want me pursuing my faith to

344

:

extinguish that zeal that I had for life.

345

:

And I know now that

that's obviously not true.

346

:

And I know that.

347

:

True zeal and true fullness of life

and true joy is found in Christ.

348

:

But at the time I thought

you had to pick one.

349

:

I didn't know that a life with

Christ could be so wonderful

350

:

and exciting and beautiful.

351

:

And unfortunately, um, it took a

really like rock bottom moment, the

352

:

first semester of my sophomore year,

where I just had a really bad night

353

:

out and my best friend sat me down

in the kitchen and she was like, Hey.

354

:

Do you want to talk about last night?

355

:

And, , I thought we were going to debrief

all the details of the night before,

356

:

like we usually did on Saturday mornings.

357

:

And she was like, no, I like, I

want to make sure you're okay.

358

:

Like, are you okay?

359

:

Like after everything that happened

last night, like, are you okay?

360

:

And I was surprised by her question

because I was very confident in who I was.

361

:

And I was never someone who was like,

Trying to be like fake or, you know, I

362

:

wasn't trying to live a double life and

I always tried to owned up to my action.

363

:

So I knew everything that I was doing.

364

:

And I told her that I was like, you know,

I don't do anything I don't want to do.

365

:

Like, I'm totally fine.

366

:

Like I totally own up to everything I did.

367

:

And it was just another crazy weekend.

368

:

And like, yeah, like it was

a little bit, you know, worse

369

:

than normal, but like, I'm fine.

370

:

Like everything's fine.

371

:

And.

372

:

In that moment, the Lord, I think,

allowed the Holy Spirit to open

373

:

my eyes to the severity of the

statement that I was making.

374

:

I think in that moment, the Lord

allowed me to hear myself say these

375

:

words and to realize just how distant

I must have gotten from my faith and

376

:

from that like moral line that I once

wanted to live, that I didn't even

377

:

realize the way that I was living.

378

:

And I realized how not okay I

must have been if I was truly okay

379

:

with the way that I was living.

380

:

And I'm so grateful that my friend asked

me that, and I'm so grateful that the

381

:

Lord allowed me to have that moment

to have that wake up moment because

382

:

the next day I went to confession for

the first time in a really long time.

383

:

And it was a really good confession.

384

:

It was a confession that I actually

felt true remorse for my sins.

385

:

It wasn't one where I was just

saying like, you know, what my

386

:

sins were, knowing that I was going

to do them all the weekend after.

387

:

No, like I actually truly felt

sorrow for the way that I was

388

:

living and wanted to repent and

wanted To leave that life behind.

389

:

And that was the first time

I really ever felt that way.

390

:

And the priest said something to me

that really struck me that day and stuck

391

:

with me for a long time after that.

392

:

And the Lord must have just put this

on his heart because he didn't know

393

:

much about me, but he said like,

Mari, you want to be married someday.

394

:

Right.

395

:

And I actually remember he said like,

you want to find your Prince charming.

396

:

Right.

397

:

And little did you know, I've

always been a hopeless romantic.

398

:

I love love.

399

:

I loved.

400

:

Princess stories, you know, and the prince

and the prince, when they get married and

401

:

everything, he lives happily ever after.

402

:

Like that was me.

403

:

And I was like, yeah, of course, of

course I want to find my Prince charming.

404

:

Like of course I want

to find a good husband.

405

:

And he said, and you want that man

to be a good Catholic man, right?

406

:

Like that's what you're looking for.

407

:

And I was like, yes, I want a great

Catholic man to be my husband,

408

:

future father of my children.

409

:

Exactly.

410

:

And he said, my daughter, you

need to start being the type of

411

:

woman that that man would want

to marry yeah, that was, ouch.

412

:

That was rough.

413

:

I remember hearing that and just

being like, whoa, like low key, you're

414

:

kind of saying I'm a bad person.

415

:

Um, Loki, he was kind of calling

me out and I needed that.

416

:

Honestly, I needed that.

417

:

And it struck my heart and

like I said, it stuck with me

418

:

for a while and he was right.

419

:

He was right because I was expecting

some good Catholic man to see me drunk

420

:

at a party And want to pursue me like

that doesn't make any sense actually.

421

:

And so I realized that I first needed

to change and that I needed to work

422

:

on my relationship with the Lord and

rediscover like who he made me to be and,

423

:

and what kind of life he wanted for me

so that once I had my identity firmly

424

:

rooted in Christ, then I would actually

be available to meet a good Catholic man

425

:

that would continue to lead me to Christ.

426

:

And so in that moment, I.

427

:

Swore off boys and I decided that I

was going to go into a period of my

428

:

life where I was truly going to focus

on my relationship with the Lord, pour

429

:

into my friendships and just kind of

like ignore boys, just like not date

430

:

anybody, not pursue anybody, not be in

any sort of relationship or whatever.

431

:

And what was crazy, I didn't

really tell anybody this.

432

:

Um, I told my friends, but I didn't

really tell my parents or my family.

433

:

And around the same time, literally just

a few days or like a week after that

434

:

confession and a week after I made that

decision, my dad sent me a care package.

435

:

Maybe it was both my mom and my dad,

436

:

like they sent me a care package to

school and in it was a book called

437

:

Written by Jason Everett called how to

find your soulmate without losing your

438

:

soul I don't know if maybe they knew

what was going on or not, but it was

439

:

very timely that that book ended up in

my hands And I started reading it and I

440

:

couldn't put it down because I had never

heard that This concept of chastity and

441

:

purity be presented so beautifully, and

even just like the meaning of a single

442

:

kiss with, which at that point didn't

really mean much to me, like, was so

443

:

beautiful and to be respected and.

444

:

It was just not something I

had really experienced at this

445

:

point in my relationships,

446

:

but it captured my heart and

it was so attractive to me.

447

:

And I started reading through

this book and they listed out

448

:

kind of like all the red flags or

all the like wrong guys to avoid.

449

:

And I was like, wow, I

literally could name.

450

:

a guy for every single one of those

chapters that I've met or had a

451

:

relationship in some way or whatever.

452

:

And I was like, I need to get it together.

453

:

That book was a blessing to me because

it totally shifted my mindset on purpose

454

:

of dating and how to prepare for marriage

and how to become the godly woman that

455

:

a wonderful Christian man, wonderful

Catholic man would want to marry.

456

:

And so I started intentionally praying

for my future husband every single

457

:

night, and I had a notes in my phone

and I wrote down in the notes, like

458

:

the top characteristics, both like

personality traits and physical traits

459

:

that I wanted in my future husband.

460

:

And I would pray with it every single

night and just ask the Lord, like,

461

:

Lord, I pray for this future man that

you have for me and all these things.

462

:

I pray that he would

be like this and this.

463

:

And I pray that, you know, I

Whatever it was that he's strong

464

:

in his faith and all these things.

465

:

And I began to pray for

him every single night.

466

:

And if you haven't heard episode two

yet, where I talk about my relationship

467

:

with Trey, my story with Trey, then

you literally need to go hear that

468

:

because it ties in back into this

phone note that I had with all the

469

:

characteristics of my future husband.

470

:

It's so, so crazy.

471

:

How the Lord answered that

prayer so specifically.

472

:

And so from then on, I started to sort of

listen to that side of my heart that was

473

:

nudging me towards good, that was nudging

me towards a Christ centered life, a moral

474

:

life to keep good standards in my life

and truly know, I know now it was the

475

:

Holy Spirit just whispering, you know,

that the Lord has bigger plans for you.

476

:

The Lord loves you.

477

:

The Lord made you for

so much more than this.

478

:

the Lord made you for an abundant

life, which in the end is all

479

:

I was really seeking was just

like this joyful, full life.

480

:

And it all culminated in this moment of

er at mass, um, in January of:

481

:

So this whole like rock bottom moment,

starting to have a change of heart

482

:

happened in the fall of my sophomore year.

483

:

And then second semester sophomore year

in January, while we were on break, it

484

:

was January 1st, like new year's mass.

485

:

I went to mass and I received communion

and I knelt down in the pew and I prayed.

486

:

I don't really know why this prayer

came from my heart, but it sort of just

487

:

like surged from my heart, this prayer

of surrender of my life to the Lord.

488

:

And I remember praying there.

489

:

I remember closing my eyes and like

opening my hands in the pew and just being

490

:

like, Lord, I surrender my life to you.

491

:

I know you have made me for more

than what I am living right now.

492

:

I know that you have given me

great gifts to be a leader.

493

:

I know that you've given me like

a heart for you and to share you.

494

:

And I'm not using these gifts.

495

:

I'm not living this way right now.

496

:

Please use me.

497

:

And I prayed that like, Lord, please

use me in whatever way you want.

498

:

And I will do anything you asked me to.

499

:

Oh my gosh, you guys, that is

a dangerous prayer to pray.

500

:

If you are not ready to actually

follow through on that commitment

501

:

because the Lord takes you up on that.

502

:

And he took me up on that.

503

:

I remember praying like, Lord, if

I have to change my friends and

504

:

drop my friends, I will do that.

505

:

If I have to drop schools and move

across the country, if that's what

506

:

you want me to do, I'll do it.

507

:

If I have to get up and speak in front

of a million people, I will do that.

508

:

I don't really know why I said those

specific things, but looking at my life

509

:

now, that's kind of what I'm doing.

510

:

I moved away from where I was living

to be in a more Catholic community.

511

:

I have this platform speaking

to thousands of people about the

512

:

Lord and Christ centered living.

513

:

So.

514

:

When I say be careful when you pray

for those things, I mean it because

515

:

the Lord will take you up on that.

516

:

Nothing brings more joy to the Lord than

a soul that surrenders their life to

517

:

him, opens their hands and says, use me

as an instrument to bring people to you.

518

:

I mean, it is just, it's a gift.

519

:

And he did that.

520

:

And so after that prayer, all of

a sudden, I started hearing about

521

:

this organization called focus.

522

:

I'd never heard of focus before.

523

:

And after that day, all of a sudden,

so many people in my life just would

524

:

randomly bring up focus and they

had never brought it up before.

525

:

And these were people who I saw often

and they were just like, Oh yeah.

526

:

Like I just like went to this like

focus conference or like, Oh yeah.

527

:

Have you heard of this focus

thing that's going on on different

528

:

college campuses or like whatever.

529

:

Like it just kept.

530

:

Getting brought up over and over again.

531

:

And so I felt like I had

to look into it and I did.

532

:

I went home and I Googled like,

focus, you know, fellowship of

533

:

Catholic university students.

534

:

What is this?

535

:

And I learned about the ministry

that they did and how they brought

536

:

missionaries to college campuses

to make a more vibrant Catholic

537

:

community and to build up disciples.

538

:

And I was like, this is it.

539

:

Like, this is what I need to do.

540

:

I need to be a missionary.

541

:

I didn't really know

what that actually meant.

542

:

I didn't know that that was

like a job after you graduated.

543

:

So as a sophomore in college, I

literally applied to be a missionary.

544

:

And I remember there's like a couple

of questions, like, are you ready

545

:

to move to a different state or are

you ready to commit for two years?

546

:

And I didn't check those boxes.

547

:

Cause I was like, well, I'm a student.

548

:

I don't really know how that's

supposed to work, but get back to

549

:

me and we'll figure something out.

550

:

And I just, I just had this desire to

serve and I had this love for the Lord

551

:

and I had this love for his people and

for bringing him to his people that just

552

:

like started to grow and grow and grow.

553

:

And so I came back to campus after

break with this idea of focus of wanting

554

:

to bring them to my campus and start

Bible studies and bring missionaries

555

:

and have this vibrant community that

I wish that I had when I got there so

556

:

that all these other students that were

coming for the same reason wouldn't

557

:

get lost in this, like, you know,

wild degenerate party culture that.

558

:

Pretty much every college campus

has on its campus right now.

559

:

And unfortunately they weren't

able to bring focus on at that

560

:

time, but they did encourage me

to start my own Bible studies.

561

:

And that's where I met Trey.

562

:

We met because we both wanted

to start Bible studies together.

563

:

And again, all that, all those

details are in episode two.

564

:

So go and listen to that

to get the full scoop.

565

:

But basically we started leading

these Bible studies together and we

566

:

started pursuing Christ together.

567

:

And even though we were really diving

into our faith, I was still sort of

568

:

had like one foot kind of in like the

party culture and most of my body, I

569

:

think, in the Christ centered world.

570

:

But I was still kind of like,

Oh, I'm not fully ready to

571

:

let go of all this stuff yet.

572

:

Cause that's the way my

friends were living too.

573

:

And that's like what we did.

574

:

Until I got an internship with

Focus, I think this was probably

575

:

the first or second year that

they even offered internships.

576

:

And I moved to Colorado for the summer

and that summer changed my entire life.

577

:

That summer changed my entire life

because for the first time I met

578

:

other women my age who were on fire

for their faith and who actually were

579

:

striving to live a Christ centered life.

580

:

And they modeled for me what that looked

like and they taught me how to pray and

581

:

they walked with me as I tried to figure

out how to let go of these sins that I

582

:

had and actually I remember having a lot

of conversations with them where they

583

:

would kind of tell me about how like,

yeah, like we don't do these things with

584

:

our boyfriends or like, no, we don't

get drunk or like, 21 and I remember

585

:

thinking like, yeah, Oh, I'm so going

to crack them by the end of this summer.

586

:

Like they're so faking it.

587

:

Like they just did that to get this job.

588

:

Like they just say that to get

like the Catholic internship, you

589

:

know, but like, there's no way

they're actually living this way.

590

:

Like everybody parties in college,

everybody like hooks up with people

591

:

in college, like all this stuff.

592

:

Right.

593

:

I didn't believe them.

594

:

And the more I got to know them over the

summer, we became really good friends.

595

:

And the more I got to see

that they were not lying.

596

:

This was not a persona.

597

:

This was That they were putting on.

598

:

This was like actually how they

were striving to live their life.

599

:

And what was so baffling to me was that

they were so cool and normal and fun.

600

:

Like they were like such fun girls that

I totally would have wanted to be friends

601

:

with, even if they weren't Catholic, or

even if we weren't at this internship.

602

:

And so they just lived this attractive

life that I was like, all right.

603

:

Like if you're doing it and you

say it's possible and you're so

604

:

fun and joyful and cool, like.

605

:

I think I have to hop on board.

606

:

Like, I think I have to try.

607

:

And so I took that summer to start

changing my life and to start living a

608

:

more Christ centered life and to let go

of these mortal sins that I was living in.

609

:

And I remember Trey was kind of going

through similar things on his own as well.

610

:

And we had a lot of conversations that

summer of like, okay, what are we going

611

:

to change in our relationship and in

our friendships and the way we live?

612

:

And it was the start of

a whole new life for me.

613

:

And that summer I got to know who Christ

was because for the first time ever, I

614

:

spent an hour in prayer every single day.

615

:

Like that's what you do on these

focus internships besides working.

616

:

Like you have an hour of prayer

and adoration every single day.

617

:

You have mass every single day.

618

:

You pray the rosary every single day.

619

:

I think you also have the

opportunity to pray the divine

620

:

mercy chaplet every single day.

621

:

It's kind of crazy.

622

:

But the thing is, graces are so real.

623

:

You guys, your soul.

624

:

Can't help, but be transformed when

you are in the presence of Christ and

625

:

receiving him and in community with

such amazing people every single day.

626

:

And so that summer was huge for me.

627

:

And right after that summer, I was

going abroad to study abroad in Italy.

628

:

So I wasn't going back to campus and I

was already a little bit nervous about

629

:

going abroad because all my friends

were, science majors and I don't

630

:

know, they weren't able to go abroad.

631

:

So I wasn't really going

abroad with a lot of friends.

632

:

I had like one, maybe two girls that I

knew and that I was friends with abroad.

633

:

so I was already nervous about

not really knowing people, but.

634

:

Looking back, I know now that the Lord

set that up for me to give me the space

635

:

to start living into this like new

life, this like new and renewed Mari

636

:

that I had turned into that summer

and that I had discovered that summer.

637

:

He gave me that space abroad

where I wasn't surrounded by

638

:

the people that knew me well.

639

:

And that like had a certain expectation

of who I was and the way that I lived.

640

:

And it gave me an opportunity

to start fresh and to commit to

641

:

these things that I was all of a

sudden striving for in my life.

642

:

And I remember that it was hard.

643

:

I remember that there were people who like

knew of me and knew who I was and were

644

:

expecting me to like, go out all the time

and party big and all that kind of stuff.

645

:

And, um, I don't know, it was, it was a

little bit of a lonely time, but it was

646

:

also a very, beautiful time of, Intimacy

with the Lord because I didn't have

647

:

a lot of people to turn to and by the

grace of God, I would go to the chapel

648

:

and I would pray like every day and have

649

:

this like prayer routine that

I was building in my life and

650

:

continuing that consistency from

the summer, but on my own now.

651

:

And so before I came back to school

after that semester abroad, I remember

652

:

I texted my friends and we had this

whole conversation cause I was like

653

:

I need to sort of let them know like what

my life looks like now and what they can

654

:

expect when I go back to campus because

I had to tell them like how it was going

655

:

to be and that I wasn't going to get

drunk anymore and that I wouldn't be

656

:

drinking till I was 21 and that I was

going to be spending time praying every

657

:

single day and really focusing on my

faith and my relationship with the Lord.

658

:

And I was nervous to tell them because

There was obviously that possibility that

659

:

they wouldn't like that and that they

wouldn't like this new Mari and that they

660

:

would leave or abandon me or whatever.

661

:

Um, but they didn't and they

are still my best friends today.

662

:

Praise God.

663

:

They totally received me.

664

:

And I'll say that it, was maybe

hard for them to swallow at first.

665

:

They were like, okay, like, are

we still going to like have fun?

666

:

You know?

667

:

And I was like, of course, like,

we're not going to stop being friends.

668

:

And I am not asking you

to change your whole life.

669

:

Although if you want to like join

me, but like, I'm not judging you.

670

:

I'm not asking you to change your life.

671

:

I'm not, you know, imposing any of

my decisions on you, but I'm just

672

:

sharing like where I'm at right now.

673

:

Luckily, they totally

received me and supported me.

674

:

And they're like, your relationship

with God is really important.

675

:

And if that's what you want

to focus on, then like, we're

676

:

going to support you in that.

677

:

And the beautiful thing is slowly, I

did see their hearts change slowly.

678

:

We had so many more conversations

about our faith and we started

679

:

doing Bible study together.

680

:

And my best friend actually

entered into the Catholic church.

681

:

She was baptized and confirmed,

and I am her godmother.

682

:

And it was a beautiful, Season where

my growth was able to open doors for

683

:

my friends as well for them to dive

into their relationship with Jesus.

684

:

And what's crazy, you guys

is that the Lord showed me

685

:

so much grace in this season.

686

:

I look back and I, I truly don't know

how I did it because even now I feel like

687

:

living a good spiritual life and staying

committed to prayer and the sacraments

688

:

like can be really hard to be consistent.

689

:

But back then, I don't know, like

I was given so much grace and so

690

:

much confidence in my decisions.

691

:

I didn't sway on my decisions.

692

:

And for some reason, literally by the

grace of God, I would get up every single

693

:

morning an hour before class to go to

the student chapel that was on campus

694

:

and pray at the chapel for literally 60

minutes every single day before class.

695

:

I would read Saint books.

696

:

So I read St.

697

:

Faustina's Diary and Story of a Soul.

698

:

I read a book about St.

699

:

John Paul II.

700

:

I did a lot of 30 day

scripture challenges.

701

:

So I was constantly reading the Gospels

and doing Lectio Divina and really

702

:

learning what mental prayer was, what

contemplative prayer was, and just having

703

:

like conversations with the Lord where I

felt like for the first time ever, , He

704

:

was listening to me and I could like feel

the movement of his will in my heart.

705

:

And it was a beautiful,

beautiful time of grace and

706

:

I was just like in a remote

spiritual universe somehow.

707

:

Um, and my heart continued to grow

in love for the Lord and continue

708

:

to kind of be set on fire even more

for sharing the gospel with people.

709

:

and for evangelizing and

bringing other people into this

710

:

experience that I had found.

711

:

I just felt like I had hit the jackpot and

that everybody else had to know about it.

712

:

Because the thing is like, like I said,

like I always wanted to live this abundant

713

:

life and I always had this zeal for life.

714

:

And my fear was that if I lived a

Christ centered life, I would lose that.

715

:

But instead what I found was that I

had never been so much more me, so much

716

:

more like Mari than when I found Christ.

717

:

And when I was starting to live this

Christ centered life, I was like,

718

:

wow, like I am so much more joyful.

719

:

I have so much more freedom in my life.

720

:

Like I am so confident in who I

am and I could feel people like.

721

:

Being attracted to me in some way and

just being like, what does she have?

722

:

Like, like what is going on in her life?

723

:

You know, people would question,

like, what is going on with Mari?

724

:

Like, what is going on in her life?

725

:

And the answer really was just the Lord.

726

:

And so I started to follow this

desire that I had to evangelize and

727

:

started to listen to that prompting.

728

:

And I started a few Bible studies

on campus and I started, um, an

729

:

Instagram blog, which at the time

was called West Coast Catholic.

730

:

And I recently switched it to

my name, which is my current

731

:

Instagram blog at mari.

732

:

c.

733

:

wagner.

734

:

And on that blog, I just started

to share what my faith life

735

:

was like as a college student.

736

:

I called it West Coast Catholic because

Like you heard in my story earlier, I

737

:

felt like I was kind of like the only

Catholic person on the West coast.

738

:

And I knew that there had to be other

women out there like me who felt alone,

739

:

but who loved the Lord and just had no

idea how to live a good Christian life.

740

:

And so I stepped out in boldness.

741

:

Again, this was totally the Lord

giving me the grace to do this.

742

:

I don't know why I wasn't like that.

743

:

totally freaking out, but I wasn't.

744

:

And I started this blog and I just

started to share about my faith life.

745

:

And I just started to share about

my prayer and reflections on what I

746

:

thought about my faith and the Lord

and sharing about, um, how I was

747

:

living in chastity and virtue and

inspiring other people to hopefully

748

:

make these decisions in their life.

749

:

And all of this, my blog and me being

a Bible study leader and intentionally

750

:

investing in the girls that were in

my Bible studies and getting coffee

751

:

with them and all these things, this,

like what I know is now called mission

752

:

work was like taking over my life.

753

:

And I was like, Oh my gosh, school is

really getting in the way of all my.

754

:

Bible study planning meetings and

my coffee dates with my girls and my

755

:

blogging and all this kind of stuff.

756

:

And I knew that the Lord was calling

me to continue to live mission.

757

:

I mean, he's calling all of us to

live mission in some way, but he was

758

:

really intentionally calling me to

devote my life to making him known

759

:

and to sharing the gospel with people.

760

:

And so later that senior year of

college, I committed to being a

761

:

focus missionary with focus and I was

placed at UNL in Lincoln, Nebraska,

762

:

and I continue to do that kind of work

and it was beautiful and wonderful.

763

:

And I love those years as a missionary.

764

:

And if I didn't have West Coast

Catholic, our Catholic lifestyle

765

:

business, and if that hadn't grown

so much, I probably would have done

766

:

more years as a focus missionary.

767

:

Trey and I were growing our business

which we also launched in college.

768

:

And that'll have to be

a whole nother episode.

769

:

But it was growing and, you know, we

were just dedicated to helping people

770

:

experience a foretaste of heaven through

the products that we were creating.

771

:

And I was trying to create content

as well, to inspire people, to seek

772

:

Christ, to live a Christ centered life.

773

:

Really in hopes that somebody would

encounter it and finally feel like

774

:

they were known and that they belong

just like I felt that one summer

775

:

where I finally met women like me,

776

:

and that is still my hope and it's still

my goal and my mission with everything

777

:

that I create, I pray for you constantly

778

:

and I pray for the women who were

in the same place that I was.

779

:

And, you know, I pray for the girl

who's 19 and struggling with all these

780

:

questions in her life and wrestling

with what is right and wrong and

781

:

what the Lord is calling her to do.

782

:

And I hope that she finds my content

and is inspired and sees that you can

783

:

live a beautiful Christian life and be

in college and be relatable and fun.

784

:

Or maybe a woman who is 25 and she's

newly married or she's trying to figure

785

:

out adult life in the working world

and trying to figure out how to stay

786

:

strong in her faith in the midst of a

modern world that is so anti Christian.

787

:

Or maybe you're listening and you're in

your thirties and you're a young wife

788

:

and a young mom, and you're wanting to

learn how to bring the Catholic faith

789

:

to life in your home, how to root your

family and your marriage in Christ

790

:

and raise your kids in the faith.

791

:

Whoever you are, know that I'm

praying for you and know that.

792

:

I hope and I pray that my content can help

make you feel seen and known and that you

793

:

belong here and that you're not alone and

that you can change and that a life with

794

:

Christ is so, so beautiful and so worth it

795

:

because it is.

796

:

And I've experienced that every day

since the day that I surrendered

797

:

my life to the Lord and it has

been a continual surrender.

798

:

It's not just a one thing.

799

:

And I continue to

experience highs and lows.

800

:

I look back at my story and I see those

times where there was so much grace that

801

:

covered me and so much grace, um, in the

moments where I was learning to pray and

802

:

learning about my faith and that zeal

that I had and that was such a good and

803

:

beautiful time, but it isn't always like

that there's highs and there's lows.

804

:

And there's times where

prayer is really hard.

805

:

And I questioned the Lord and I

asked him why he's doing the things

806

:

that he's doing in our lives.

807

:

And I have to recenter and, you know,

go back to the saints or go back to

808

:

scripture and remind myself of the truth.

809

:

Um, so know that I am.

810

:

Like right there with you.

811

:

Like, I don't have it figured out.

812

:

I'm still on this journey and I'm still

every day coming to know the Lord's heart

813

:

more and more and learning to surrender

my life more and more and to find more of

814

:

that peace and that joy that he offers to

all of us when we give our life to him.

815

:

So that's my story, you guys.

816

:

Thanks for being here.

817

:

And if you've gotten

this far, props to you.

818

:

We're probably close to an hour.

819

:

Um, but that's my story.

820

:

And truly, to this day, I feel so

humbled and grateful that the Lord

821

:

has given me a place to share it.

822

:

I don't know why the Lord has

called me to share it in such

823

:

big ways and with so many people.

824

:

And it's crazy to know that thousands of

people will hear this, but, you Like I

825

:

said, I pray that it moves your heart.

826

:

I pray that it motivates you, that it

inspires you to change something in your

827

:

life, to maybe listen to that nudge of the

Holy Spirit that you have been feeling in

828

:

your heart or that call that you know the

Lord has been waiting for you to take.

829

:

And I hope most of all that it,

you to get off your phone and

830

:

get off your screen and go to the

chapel and spend time with Jesus.

831

:

That is the biggest thing that I have

learned in my life and through this whole

832

:

process is that prayer is what makes

our relationship with the Lord and it

833

:

is the number one thing that I recommend

that you focus on if you are trying to

834

:

grow in your faith is pray, pray, pray.

835

:

Go to the chapel, go to adoration,

seek the sacraments, spend time with

836

:

Jesus, time in silence, time to allow

him to speak to you in the silence

837

:

of your heart and let him transform

your heart, transform your life.

838

:

I know that if you let him, that if you

open your heart to him, he will do that.

839

:

All right, we need to wrap this up

because it's going to get really

840

:

long, but, um, before we go, can

we just end in a prayer, please?

841

:

Can I just pray for you

right here, right now?

842

:

Let's just pray.

843

:

In the name of the Father,

Son, Holy Spirit, Amen.

844

:

Come Holy Spirit, come fill this

room, come fill the heart of

845

:

your daughter or your son who

is listening to this right now.

846

:

I thank you for the gift of their life

and for the way that you have called them

847

:

to live uh, virtuously, to live joyfully.

848

:

to live in surrender to you and to live

out the plan that you so beautifully

849

:

have crafted for them in their life.

850

:

I pray Lord for any resistance that

they have in their hearts, anything

851

:

that is making them push you away or

anything that is making them nervous

852

:

or scared To approach you lord that

you would just remove that That you

853

:

would show them that you are gentle

that you are good That you are faithful

854

:

and that all you want to do is love and

provide and bless them in their life.

855

:

And I pray lord also for all those who

feel this pain Burning in their heart.

856

:

After hearing this for all those whose

hearts are just set a fire and wanting

857

:

to do similar work, wanting to go out

and do mission and make you know more

858

:

that you would give them the gifts

and the courage to go out and do so.

859

:

And we ask this all through the

intercession of your most Holy mother.

860

:

, we ask Mary that you would

intercede for us and protect us.

861

:

And bring us closer to your son as

we pray hail Mary full of grace.

862

:

The Lord is with thee, blessed

art thou among women and blessed

863

:

is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.

864

:

Holy Mary, mother of God, pray for us

sinners now and at the hour of our death.

865

:

Amen.

866

:

In the name of the

father, son, Holy spirit.

867

:

Amen.

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