Your Nervous system is there to protect you , no doubt!

Sometimes it is trying to protect you from something that is actually not a harmful threat to you but just novelty.

So often I hear stories about a missed opportunity and regrets.

this is what inspired today's episode for you .

let's dive deeper

with love

A.

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Hello, hello, and welcome to the Borealis

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experience. I'm your host Aurora, life coach and companion

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on this beautiful journey called life. Today I'm recreating in

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the outdoors, you might hear the snow melt in the background

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and lots of dripping. Yeah, funny enough, I chose to speak

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about your nervous system today. And how we need to learn to be

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patient with our nervous system, when we introduce change into

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allies, or when change is, so to say, happening upon us from the

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outside. And just now when I wanted to record this episode,

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my computer decided to mouth down. So to say, I'm not gonna

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go into further details. But I had a choice, I had a choice to

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meltdown myself and to just throw my precious laptop out the

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window. Or I could listen to my dad's latest video from

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Barcelona. He had visited Barcelona a couple of days ago

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and decided to go to a Spanish guitar concert. So instead of

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losing my shit, I had to decided to listen to that beautiful

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music, Spanish guitar and kept my cool. downloaded a new

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software onto my computer. And now everything is running

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smoothly, again, very excited. But yeah, I was really given a

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choice here. And in my younger days, I probably would have lost

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my mind. So your nervous system. I want to start with an example.

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Let's pretend that you grew up in a household where dispute

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Express expressing anger was something totally normal. In

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fact, the way you guys decided to express your emotions was

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always related to arguments and anger. Yeah, you would laugh at

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times when you watched a comedy or when something happened. And

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you could laugh at the other person at your relatives. But

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it's mainly anger that you were surrounded with this Prime's

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your nervous system. So no matter what you experienced at

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home, I'm just picking anger now because it's very easy to relate

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to anger, at least for me. And you were exposed to a lot of

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anger can be depression. If you grew up with a parent that was

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depressed it can be. Yeah, ambiguity or unpredictability.

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Your nervous system would always be on guard would always be

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ready for Worst case scenario. But when it comes to anger,

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let's say your nervous system is getting used to stress and your

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whole body, your whole being is getting used to that

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environment. And it is a way for us to survive. It is a way for

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us to feel that we belong which in many, many episodes I

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mentioned, because it is our strongest desire and a big need

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that we feel that we belong. So no matter which environment you

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grew up in, you adjust it, you compromised. You adapt it. Now

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with the example of anger, you adapted to anger and expressing

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anger is very natural for you. You're allowed. You express it.

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You let it all out. It feels like when you suppress it when

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you don't let it out you feel constipated, so to say on a soul

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level. Maybe even on a physical level. You don't feel okay when

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you're not allowed to express anger. Because this is what you

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learned

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is normal Fast forward into your adulthood, let's say you are in

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your 30s and your 40s.

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Maybe you're not married, maybe you are. But maybe you're

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dating. And you happen to be with a personnel who's very

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calm. And when they get upset when something is not going

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their way, they choose words. They stay calm. And they express

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themselves in a very different ways and what you are used to.

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Now, this can either highly irritate you, or stimulate you.

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Or you would want to reject that person, because you feel that

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you cannot be yourself. You cannot express yourself, you

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feel restricted. And the funny thing is that, yes, you feel

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restricted in the way that you used to communicate. But there's

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so many other ways that you can express yourself, but maybe you

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haven't learned that yet. It is very interesting to observe

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couples, young couples, or people that are just starting

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out to date, they usually no put forward they're nice, nice

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behavior, the good side, they never fight. They're always

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joyous. They're excited to see each other. But come the one

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year or sometimes two year benchmark. Chances are that you

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went through a couple disagreements, a couple

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discomforts. And it is there that you can see how different

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we all grow up. We manage to approach conflicts differently.

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Some are very energetic and very impulsive, very emotional about

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conflict. And some people withdraw or become avoidant or,

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yeah, totally shut down. When it comes to healing. The

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interesting part about you know, being in an abusive

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relationship, or growing up in an abusive household, is that

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once you meet a partner, that is good for you, there will be

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parts that feel wrong to your nervous system. Because they

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don't stimulate you, like the people that you grew up with the

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people that you experienced love with. And this is not meant in

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any weird way. But it is through your mom, to your dad through

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your siblings. Or if you grew up in a different environment, your

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primary caretakers that you learn what love is, they prime

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you so to say, but it is not necessarily the best version of

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love for you. There's many different ways of experiencing

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and living in love. And sometimes when we grow out of

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Yeah, not so good pattern, when we hear we will encounter people

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that set us off or trigger us or either under stimulate us or

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over stimulate us, depending what we were used to. But this

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is what I want to emphasize today is that sometimes the very

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best thing for you the very best person for you the very best

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decision for you and your future, your Higher Self your

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best self feels awkward fields wrong to some degree fields

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uncomfortable. And it is very important to keep in mind that

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your nervous system has to slowly adjust. You cannot force

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change upon you and nobody else outside of you can do it.

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Although sometimes people think they can. But you can learn to

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feel with your heart and with your mind that something

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somebody who's standing in front of you might be damn right for

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you. Yet your nervous system is still limping behind. It wants

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you to be in the known. Right our mind always wants to be

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knowing everything is always drawn to what we know best. But

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it is not necessarily what is best for us. Sometimes it is so

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worth it to choose discomfort. For some people, you know, that

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are very active with online dating. They've been single for

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a long time, and they just are becoming restless, they want to

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be in a relationship, they want to have kids, they want to all

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that jazz. And they did somebody that is their best match. But

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they are bored. That oh my god, this is this is so quiet, this

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is so calm. And even though their heart feels at ease with

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them, the nervous system rejects them. Because it's not ready

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yet. But you can train your nervous system. And you can

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become aware that your nervous system is still a little bit

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behind. But what you have sitting in front of you is

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right. And so worth fighting for. That's why the path of

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pleasure and desire. Fun is not always the right path for you.

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I've learned that like two and a half years ago when I met my

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partner, and my best friend by then said, Hey, you keep picking

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the cherry and the whipped cream, go for the salary. And

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what he meant by that is that I kept chasing people that were

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unavailable. Sweet, exciting. And whenever I met somebody who

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was calm and loving and opening up to me, I thought, Oh no, this

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is not what I can handle. I'm not there yet.

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was Alex my current partner I wanted to give myself a fair

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chance I wanted to explore beyond that little boredom what

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I felt and I feel so bad, so horrible when I say boredom, but

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that's how I felt. I felt totally under stimulated yet my

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heart was telling me this guy is good for your soul.

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And I learned

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that this overly stimulation outside of me was just a

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reflection from my inside. I was so disturbed, so confused, so

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lost inside that. Yeah, stimulation was keeping me in

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check and calmness faced or mirrored the BS that was going

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on inside of my head and my heart. And I wanted to run away

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from it. But for some reason with this person, I decided to

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stand still for a moment and to breathe through it and to see

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what it has in stock for me. Instead of escaping, I decided

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to dig deeper. And it served me very well. And this is why I'm

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so passionate. I'm so yeah, I feel a deep urgency to share

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this with you. Because when I've learned that my nervous system

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was primed to something that is not serving me anymore, that is

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actually not good for me. I was able to distinguish what is good

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for me and what not. And remember my coaching. My

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podcasting here is all about supporting you on your journey

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to get to know yourself better. If you feel called to get

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yourself to get to know yourself better. If you feel inspired

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what I say I would love to hear from you. I would love to

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connect with you maybe for a first free coach call or you

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just leave me a comment or a review of what you think. If

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what I do here is of any value for you if I was able to Yeah,

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make you feel a little bit better and power you inspire

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you. Please don't hold back from reaching out. Or maybe you want

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to share this episode with friends or loved ones, our

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family. take really good care of yourself and I will be out there

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very soon again.