In this episode of Finding Your Balance, Tiffani Fritzsche and Kirk Fasshauer explore what therapy really is—and what it isn’t. From understanding the first appointment and finding the right therapist to breaking down common myths and fears, this conversation offers a compassionate look at the therapy process.

Together, they discuss how therapy creates a safe, judgment-free space for healing, growth, and self-discovery, and share practical tips for getting started, preparing for sessions, and making the most of the experience. Whether you’re considering therapy for the first time or supporting someone else on their journey, this episode provides encouragement, insight, and reassurance that you don’t have to navigate life’s challenges alone.

00:00 Tiffani

Welcome to Finding Your Balance, a mental health podcast. My name is Tiffani Fritzsche. I'm a

00:04 Tiffani

licensed mental health counselor, and I'm joined with my friend, Kirk Fossauer, licensed clinical

00:08 Tiffani

social worker. Good morning. If this is your first time with us, welcome. We've had several

00:13 Tiffani

conversations over the past few episodes about mental health and mental illness, and today we're

00:17 Tiffani

jumping into what does it look like actually getting started with therapy? What we want to do is

00:22 Kirk

try to understand what therapy is and isn't, because there's also that. To learn what happens in

00:28 Kirk

the first few sessions I think is a good thing to explore. And, you know, after the first few

00:33 Kirk

sessions, well, then what? And that's going to depend on what comes out of that. And then maybe

00:39 Kirk

give you some advice on how to make it a little more effective for you, you know.

00:44 Kirk

So with therapy, I know that part of my educational process was to go to therapy and to experience

00:55 Kirk

what that was like. I was nervous at first because I wasn't sure what I would talk about and what

01:01 Kirk

it would be like. Ten sessions later, I was like, man, I had a lot to talk about.

01:09 Kirk

And that was partially to learn about myself in that process and to understand the process of

01:18 Kirk

therapy. I mean, it's a trade. We were learning what that looked like.

01:25 Kirk

But what therapy is, it's supposed to be a safe place.

01:30 Kirk

So if you're going to a session, because nowadays we also have therapy that takes place in other

01:35 Kirk

environments, not just a therapeutic office. Although that's the traditional look,

01:42 Kirk

and that is still the most popular way to get therapy. But therapy is supposed to be a safe place.

01:49 Kirk

confidential space where somebody can explore their emotions and their thoughts. And again,

01:56 Kirk

we call it creating that safe psychological space for people to open up and talk about anything.

02:03 Kirk

they wish to or things that they've agreed to with the therapist. Well, so not to cut you off,

02:10 Tiffani

whenever I'm talking to interns or to new therapists, a lot of times I say something like this.

02:16 Tiffani

Therapy is not for giving advice, right? It's not for judgment. It's a judgment-free zone.

02:21 Tiffani

And so I tell new interns and new therapists that it's a safe space to where your client can come

02:27 Tiffani

in and they can dump out all their content and you teach them how to process that content.

02:33 Tiffani

always going to be trauma and drama in our life because we're dealing with imperfect people right

02:38 Tiffani

that's just what life is and so if you can have a safe space to where you can dump out the content

02:43 Tiffani

and you can learn how to process it you will learn that no matter what comes your way,

02:48 Tiffani

you'll develop those skills to navigate. Because at some point, our hope as a counselor is to work

02:54 Tiffani

ourselves out of a job. We want to teach you those skills. And so if I equip you with those skills,

02:58 Tiffani

but coming from a neutral place to where this is not my trauma, this is not my drama, I can look at

03:04 Tiffani

it with a clear lens and an objective lens, and it teaches you those skills.

03:09 Tiffani

And that's really hard. And it's also not the same as advice. Exactly, exactly.

03:15 Kirk

And it's not about... think people come in and say, well, I'll get fixed. No, it's not.

03:20 Kirk

Therapy isn't about fixing. It's about exploring, understanding and learning new ways of coping and

03:26 Kirk

connecting with yourself primarily or with others. It depends on what's going on there.

03:33 Kirk

They're not there to judge. The therapist is not there to judge. So it's very nonjudgmental. It's a

03:38 Kirk

partnership on, you know, creating a plan for your emotional.

03:44 Kirk

wellness or your mental wellness. Well, in that idea of a partnership, I think of the principle of

03:49 Tiffani

shared governance. You know, we're in this together. And so many times I am absolutely the person

03:55 Tiffani

that will go to the doctor and the doctor will say, well, are you exercising? Are you drinking

03:59 Tiffani

water? You should be doing these things. And I'll say, yes, yes, yes. And then I leave the

04:03 Tiffani

appointment and I don't do those things at all. And so I think the idea behind shared governance is

04:08 Tiffani

this is your life, right? Right. Right. Exactly. And, you know, it's funny you say something like

04:14 Kirk

that, Tiffani, because I would tell folks that, you know, in the therapy session,

04:19 Kirk

you can sit there and lie all you want. But who are you lying to? You're not lying to me.

04:24 Kirk

It doesn't make a difference to me one way or the other. It's this is about your growth, not my

04:30 Kirk

growth. I mean, I'm. I like to think I'm still growing and learning.

04:36 Kirk

I think that's a lifelong process. But folks that come into the therapy sessions trying to make it

04:42 Kirk

sound better than it is and things like this are not helpful to them. And I do call people on that

04:49 Kirk

when I kind of get a sense that they're not being totally truthful, that gentle confrontation,

04:55 Kirk

that gentle challenge that we learn to provide for folks. Again, nonjudgmental.

05:02 Kirk

It's a collaborative effort, and it's what is it you want to get out of this if you're not going to

05:08 Kirk

be truthful in these sessions? Because, again, you're not lying to me. You're lying to yourself.

05:15 Tiffani

Well, and jumping back to kind of the front of our conversation, how do you get started with

05:19 Tiffani

therapy? A lot of it depends on. Really, you know, payment. So a lot of people,

05:25 Tiffani

they have the opportunity to do employment assistance through their employer. So they can call a

05:31 Tiffani

number and they can get connected to a therapist that way. A lot of times you go into your health

05:35 Tiffani

insurance benefits and you see who's in network and you, you know, make a phone call. Or there are

05:40 Tiffani

a lot of private providers who you can do self-pay. So depending on what you're capable of doing,

05:45 Tiffani

what you're able to do, a lot of parents will call me or individuals will call and say, hey, I

05:50 Tiffani

think that I need counseling. I just don't. how to get started right and so at a lot of community

05:55 Tiffani

mental health agencies like ours at Peace River Center we have an entire department called Care

06:00 Tiffani

Coordination and they're dedicated to coordinating your care getting you connected to the right

06:04 Tiffani

resources so you may say i don't even know where to start right um that's a good place to start and

06:10 Tiffani

they can help make sure and if you know the agency that you call is not the right fit for you they

06:14 Tiffani

can oftentimes connect you to another provider that might be a better fit so once you get that

06:19 Tiffani

Appointment

06:21 Tiffani

What happens at that first appointment? Right. Well, even before that, I think people need to think

06:28 Kirk

about what is their insurance? What will it cover if you've got insurance? If you don't have

06:33 Kirk

insurance, there are options out there for you as well. So explore what those…

06:39 Kirk

things might be available to you and have access to. You mentioned the Employee Assistance Program,

06:45 Kirk

EAP. I know some people have mixed feelings about utilizing employee assistance programs because

06:51 Kirk

they feel like their employer is going to know everything.

06:55 Kirk

Again, you really need to check to make sure, is it set up in a way that it is confidential?

07:01 Kirk

They are. If they don't share names or information, you are a number.

07:07 Kirk

Basically, if I had three people coming in to talk about financial issues,

07:12 Kirk

three people came in. It says three financial issues and things like that.

07:19 Kirk

And you want to go in prepared to some degree on what you want to talk about.

07:25 Kirk

So I really encourage folks when they're making that step to come into therapy to write some stuff

07:33 Kirk

down. What is it you want to talk about? What is it you want to explore? And have those

07:39 Kirk

discussions. So start that process by jotting it down, you know, and come in with that sheet of

07:47 Kirk

paper. Some people utilize Google and try to figure out what's going on there as far as,

07:53 Kirk

hey, it's a good place to start, good place to get an outline and ask some questions.

08:00 Kirk

So write it down. Come in with a small list and start the process that way.

08:08 Kirk

It will also ease your nerves and anxiety going into therapy because you're meeting a person for

08:13 Kirk

the first time. I also want to share with people that it is important to connect with the person

08:24 Kirk

you're going to do therapy with. And I mean the person going in, connecting with the therapist,

08:30 Kirk

because really the magic of therapy is, you know, the connection that two people make,

08:36 Kirk

that partnership. And I've had people tell me, well, that stuff doesn't work, you know,

08:42 Kirk

and I'm not going into therapy because that's BS. And it's like, well, hold on. How many people did

08:47 Kirk

you go see? I saw one counselor and that didn't work out. And it's like one counselor. OK, well,

08:52 Kirk

do you connect with everybody you meet in life? And often the answer is, no, I don't connect with

08:58 Kirk

everybody. Okay, that's an important piece to therapy is your ability to connect with that person.

09:05 Kirk

Now, as a therapist, you and I have learned some skills to help that connection along and make it

09:10 Kirk

so that people do feel safe and do feel comfortable with us. But we don't connect with everybody,

09:16 Kirk

even knowing some ways to do that. And so I want people to understand that if you don't connect

09:22 Kirk

with that one person, try somebody else. Keep exploring until you find somebody. The number I

09:29 Kirk

usually give out when I'm giving talks on this is, you know, try five different therapists.

09:35 Kirk

If you can't connect with one in five, then you probably got another issue that really needs to be

09:40 Kirk

explored. So I encourage folks to seek out that person you're going to feel comfortable with

09:48 Kirk

because it's about self-exploration. You're going to want to share some stuff that is.

09:56 Kirk

going to help you. Now, again, therapy isn't about quick fixes. It's not about,

10:01 Kirk

lots of times, it's not about instant relief. Even in the crisis work we do, it's a band-aid to

10:07 Kirk

help kind of ease some things. There's some relief. I don't know if it's instant, but there's some

10:12 Kirk

relief. And it's not about, like you mentioned, Tiffany, it's not about advice giving.

10:17 Kirk

It's not about lecturing. Yeah, they're the expert. They should know everything.

10:24 Kirk

We don't know everything. We have tools to help kind of help us explore certain things.

10:30 Kirk

And I also like to tell people, you are the master of view.

10:36 Kirk

You know you best. I don't know you that well. So I want to learn from you. So it's a learning

10:42 Kirk

process. And that's usually a lot of what goes on in the beginnings of the sessions. It's not,

10:48 Kirk

therapy isn't just for those folks with mental illness either or severe mental illness. It's for

10:52 Kirk

everybody who wants to explore some growth. So I really encourage that.

10:59 Kirk

But there's some myths out there, you know, that confuse things and prevent people from getting

11:04 Kirk

help. I don't know if you've heard of any of these myths. Let me throw that out for you and let me

11:09 Kirk

see what you say. Therapy means I'm weak. Oh, I've definitely heard that.

11:15 Kirk

Right? I hear that very often. Well, I can do it myself. And,

11:21 Kirk

you know, there was generations before us that was the motto. Hey, I need to do it myself.

11:27 Kirk

That means I'm weak if I don't. And so it's one of the things we have to consider,

11:33 Kirk

especially when we're doing therapy, is what generation this person's with to kind of understand.

11:39 Kirk

OK, it took a lot of effort for this person who's of the generation where the thought was,

11:45 Kirk

I need to handle it myself. And therefore, if I'm seeking out professional help, it's a sign of

11:50 Kirk

weakness. So what does that tell you for this person coming in the door? Oh,

11:55 Kirk

my God, they had so much inner conflict. It's very huge.

12:00 Kirk

So asking for help is actually the opposite of being weak. It is.

12:06 Kirk

courageous and shows a lot of strength to grow. And even when you're struggling with things to come

12:14 Kirk

in and do that. All right. So here's another myth. Ready? Therapists just listen and nod.

12:21 Tiffani

Well, they do listen and nod. But they're doing more things than that. Right,

12:26 Kirk

right? Like what? What do you see yourself doing in therapy sessions? Because I agree,

12:32 Kirk

we do listen a lot. We do not a lot. We do not a lot.

12:37 Kirk

And that is, I mean, a big part of therapy is for us to listen and to not interrupt the flow of

12:46 Kirk

that person having that conversation. So we use a lot of

12:53 Kirk

evidence-based techniques and what have you, and strategies, and we talk with our clients about

12:59 Kirk

it. It's not just there's some forms of therapy that are through free association where,

13:06 Kirk

yes, the client just talks and we listen, and they go on and on and on, and things come out, and we

13:11 Kirk

observe patterns, and we say, hmm, did you notice this? Did you notice that? Those kinds of things

13:17 Kirk

to kind of help guide. That thought process for somebody. So, yeah, we do nod and listen quite a

13:23 Kirk

bit.

13:25 Kirk

It's too expensive and it's not worth it. Have you heard that? Yeah.

13:31 Kirk

Some forms of therapy can be extremely expensive. So, again,

13:37 Kirk

you want to check out what are your options? And there are many options that exist. So community

13:43 Kirk

mental health centers are out there that can provide, you know. open doors for those that may not

13:50 Kirk

have insurance and they're available based on various fundings again you've got to you've got to

13:56 Kirk

explore what's available in your area um insurances yep check out your insurance you know uh what

14:03 Kirk

what will your insurance cover what won't they cover some are very limited they'll give you x

14:08 Kirk

number of sessions and depending on the diagnosis at that point too um in the issues you're working

14:15 Kirk

on. And then sliding scales. Many will offer sliding scales, whether it's public or private groups

14:22 Kirk

doing that. All right. Here's another myth. Therapy takes forever.

14:30 Tiffani

Ooh.

14:33 Kirk

Yeah. Yeah. So some therapies, it will depend.

14:40 Kirk

You know, some people can see changes right away. Some, yeah,

14:45 Kirk

it does. Take forever. And I know one of the struggles we see with Peace River Center is the amount

14:53 Kirk

of sessions people are able to have. We have some programs that are pretty intensive.

15:00 Kirk

We have our regular outpatient therapy, which can be once a week, every couple of weeks,

15:06 Kirk

once a month. And I like to talk about the fact that once a month,

15:11 Kirk

just think about what's going on in a person's life. where once a month for almost an hour,

15:19 Kirk

that's got to be an impactful hour. And it should be that opportunity for the person coming in,

15:27 Kirk

talking with the therapist to be able to unload. And I like to say that we have an emotional trash

15:34 Kirk

can we're walking around with and things happen in our lives. We crumple it up, throw it in the

15:38 Kirk

trash can. And over time. People have a choice. They can empty out that trash can. And now they've

15:44 Kirk

got room to handle all those things in life. Or what a lot of people do is stuff it down.

15:51 Kirk

Right. And so when they stuff it down, it kind of lays there and I got room to deal with more. And

15:56 Kirk

then over time, though, that's still, you know, that trash can is going to get. get built up.

16:01 Kirk

And if you're not emptying out that emotional trash can, you got to clean it out at some point. And

16:07 Kirk

if you've left stuff way down deep in that trash can, it's going to be like trying to clean that

16:13 Kirk

out, right? That's why I use that as the analogy. That's therapy.

16:19 Kirk

That's where you're getting down and cleaning out that emotional trash can and getting down into

16:23 Kirk

the muck that's slimy. It's been there for a while. trying to move on from it and clean it out of

16:29 Kirk

your system. Oh, that's such a good visual. Right? Yeah.

16:35 Kirk

Right. So it's an active and it's a structured process.

16:40 Kirk

It may look like it's free-flowing, and most are. It should be very conversational,

16:46 Kirk

very relaxed, but understand that there's a lot of mental activity going on there to help somebody

16:54 Kirk

progress through. whatever's possible.

16:59 Kirk

So you built up that time to get in there. You got paperwork you got to do.

17:06 Kirk

There's forms that need to be filled out. I think people have this misunderstanding that the first

17:13 Kirk

session is going to be, I'm going to get right into it. Actually, a lot of it's administrative

17:18 Kirk

stuff, that first session. And I know... We have a process at Peace River Center where that is what

17:25 Kirk

the first session is. It's more, let's deal with some of the paperwork to get that out of the way.

17:31 Kirk

Let's really target the issue that you want to discuss and cover. And so we have that initial

17:18 Kirk

stuff, that first session. And I know... We have a process at Peace River Center where that is what

17:25 Kirk

the first session is. It's more, let's deal with some of the paperwork to get that out of the way.

17:31 Kirk

Let's really target the issue that you want to discuss and cover. And so we have that initial

17:37 Kirk

intake.

17:40 Kirk

They may not be seeing their assigned therapist or the therapist they're going to be working with

17:44 Tiffani

ongoingly at that point. Well, and they definitely generally aren't doing any type of therapy that

17:49 Tiffani

first appointment. Like you say, I have a lot of people that come in, families, and so I thought

17:53 Tiffani

that we were going to be doing therapy today. And I'll say, absolutely, we're going to get there in

17:58 Tiffani

order to really figure out where the focus of the therapy is. We have to figure out some of the

18:03 Tiffani

things first. And a lot of that, like you said, is administrative, the paperwork. But it's also, we

18:08 Tiffani

do something called a biopsychosocial assessment where we get into the family history, the medical

18:12 Tiffani

history, the prior treatment history, because we don't want to spin our wheels with the family and

18:17 Tiffani

do something that they know isn't going to work. And we want to find out what has worked in the

18:22 Tiffani

past, what has been beneficial to your family, what's been successful, what's built upon that

18:26 Tiffani

strong foundation that's already there. And sometimes I'll have people come in. One of the first

18:30 Tiffani

questions that we go over is something called the chief complaint. And what is a chief complaint?

18:35 Tiffani

Well, it really is like, what's the chief thing I'm complaining about that's creating distress in

18:39 Tiffani

my family or in my home or in myself? And sometimes people have a very clear idea of what is

18:45 Tiffani

causing distress or dysfunction. And sometimes they do not have a very clear idea. They say

18:51 Tiffani

something like. well, man, it's just kind of been like this way for a long time, and I don't really

18:56 Tiffani

know where to put my finger on it, but just this. And so what we tend to do in that situation is a

19:03 Tiffani

lot of listening, but also we do some assessments to determine, okay, where is kind of the source

19:08 Tiffani

of this dysfunction? Is it rooted in... maybe feeling anxious or feeling worried or nervous?

19:14 Tiffani

Is it rooted in having maybe a sense of depression and not to put a label on someone, but to kind

19:19 Tiffani

of figure out a roadmap for where do we want to focus our energy to find some healing?

19:26 Tiffani

You had said earlier, you know, therapy is not for fixing people. I could not agree more. I see a

19:32 Tiffani

lot of times for therapy what I see. is people, you know, families are in need of healing.

19:37 Tiffani

They're in need of restoration. They're in need of connection. So it's not about fixing. It's, you

19:42 Tiffani

know, just like you go to a medical doctor because your body needs to be restored, your body needs

19:46 Tiffani

to be healed. You come to counseling or you come to a therapist because there's something in your

19:50 Tiffani

heart, maybe something in your mind that you need that same healing, that same restoration.

19:55 Kirk

Exactly. And it takes time, just like a broken bone. It takes time to heal. And it's a process.

20:02 Kirk

You go in and you get the initial upfront structure to how that healing may happen.

20:08 Kirk

And then you really, your body does the work on a broken bone, right? The doctor's not doing much

20:14 Kirk

by checking on it. You're doing most of the work. So in therapy. So let's try it.

20:22 Kirk

I think this is a good place maybe to kind of pause and in our next.

20:29 Kirk

Our next session, we'll get into, okay, now that we're getting started with therapy,

20:34 Kirk

what can I expect over time with therapy? So I want to say thank you for joining us on this one and

20:41 Kirk

stay tuned for part two.