Artwork for podcast Prisoner's Pardon
E63 Life Mastery: From Default to Design - Guest Mark Collins
29th July 2024 • Prisoner's Pardon • Michi J
00:00:00 00:57:33

Share Episode

Shownotes

Host Michi J interviews Pastor Mark Collins on the 'Prisoner's Pardon Podcast, exploring themes of men's identity and purpose. The episode focuses on Mark's book 'Life Mastery: Living by Design and Not by Default,' and emphasizes the influence of personal experiences and emotions on one's life. Key topics include overcoming imposter syndrome, handling emotions, maintaining healthy relationships, and using practical coaching techniques to help men, particularly ex-inmates, find their true purpose. The discussion highlights the importance of aligning thoughts and beliefs with God's intentions for true freedom and life mastery.

Introduction to the 'Prisoner's Pardon' Podcast

Discovering Your Divine Identity with Pastor Mark Collins...

Meet Pastor Mark Collins: A Journey to Self-Discovery

00:09 Meet Pastor Mark Collins: A Journey to Self-Discovery...

The Power of Personal Identity and Mastering Thoughts

00:21 The Power of Personal Identity and Mastering Thoughts...

Overcoming Imposter Syndrome and Emotional Challenges

00:33 Overcoming Imposter Syndrome and Emotional Challenges...

Coaching Techniques for True Purpose and Freedom

00:41 Coaching Techniques for True Purpose and Freedom...

The Importance of Divine Identity for Life Mastery

00:54 The Importance of Divine Identity for Life Mastery...


Guest Contact Info:

Website: https://courses.freedom-for-life.net/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/FreedForLife/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/_freedomforlife_/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCw1A7tteCrpLj_d9ejzDWRg

LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/mark-collins-freedom-for-life

Transcripts

Speaker:

Mark Collins Draft 5 - 7:29:24, 12:

your emotions are driven by your

2

:

identity I get into a Issue at work

somebody's getting on my nerves and

3

:

then you have this response of anger

4

:

That's because there's something in

there that's telling you that, this guy's

5

:

disrespecting me he's putting me down.

6

:

But here's the interesting thing.

7

:

The more I understand who I am the

less I allow other people to tell me

8

:

who I am You can tell me I'm an idiot.

9

:

You can tell me I'm a fool You can

tell me I'm not as good as right you

10

:

can try and put me down It doesn't

mean you're not being disrespectful.

11

:

It just means it doesn't have

an impact on who I believe I am

12

:

hello everyone.

13

:

And welcome to a

prisoner's pardon podcast.

14

:

I'm Michi J your host.

15

:

I am so happy to have you here again

with me because you could have been

16

:

doing a lot of other things, but you

took the time to come and listen to

17

:

the show because you understand that

you will get something of value.

18

:

Again, I have a great show today.

19

:

So I want to ask you, have you ever

thought about Where are the men?

20

:

Where are the men at?

21

:

I know we see these forms of men,

but it's like, where are the men?

22

:

Because you can have a man, but

they may be still thinking childish.

23

:

So they really haven't

grown and developed.

24

:

And when you have someone that's

underdeveloped, it can cause problems

25

:

in their family, In the home at

work and just everywhere in every

26

:

relationship so What we're going to

be talking about Today is the identity

27

:

of the man And what is his purpose?

28

:

now today with me is mark collins

Mark is a pastor and he has been

29

:

in ministry over 20 years he's

also a coach, husband, father.

30

:

and author.

31

:

The name of his book is life mastery

book living by Design and not by default.

32

:

he has a black belt a bachelor's

of art and is also a business owner.

33

:

Welcome Mark.

34

:

How you doing?

35

:

I'm doing great.

36

:

Thanks for having me on.

37

:

I'll meet you today.

38

:

That was, uh, uh, Wonderful introduction

and he gave a little bit of my life

39

:

story away, which is, which is fine.

40

:

It's also in my book.

41

:

So, um, wow.

42

:

Why did I write the book?

43

:

You know, the short story is

because I needed the things

44

:

that I had in the book, right?

45

:

For me, it was figuring out a

roadmap of becoming the person

46

:

that I was created to be.

47

:

Right, where are the men at?

48

:

Where's their identity at?

49

:

Well, if you looked at me when I was a

young person, a young man, a teenager

50

:

growing up into adulthood, my identity

was in trying to measure up to my father.

51

:

My dad was a strong man, a

domineering man, but he wasn't

52

:

a dad that was necessarily there

for you as far as emotionally,

53

:

relationally, and all of that.

54

:

And in that place, I always had him as

the picture of who I was trying to be.

55

:

Unfortunately, as they say, right,

you're, you should be an original because

56

:

you're a bad imitation of somebody else.

57

:

Um, and in that case, I couldn't

measure up to him or the

58

:

idea of what it looked like.

59

:

So, uh, trying to figure it out, trying

to see what does it look like to be a man?

60

:

And, and, you know, that thing on

the inside that I think a lot of

61

:

guys have of I'm better than the

life I'm living or that question

62

:

that a lot of us have, right?

63

:

Is this all that I've got?

64

:

Is this everything that I'm

supposed to be walking through?

65

:

And knowing that that wasn't the truth.

66

:

But I didn't know how to get there.

67

:

And you said I was a pastor,

but first I was a Christian.

68

:

And, and before that I was just a guy

out there trying to figure it out.

69

:

So for me, it was personal

development, right?

70

:

Okay.

71

:

So if I believe there's more,

I don't know how to get there.

72

:

I'll go out to the people that are

doing those things who are making

73

:

those, uh, resources, those tools.

74

:

So I went out and grabbed

everything I could.

75

:

The problem was a lot of cases.

76

:

It was kind of that same

cases with my dad, right?

77

:

You look at the person and they

have this amazing, you know,

78

:

whatever they're confident.

79

:

They're they're rich.

80

:

They're wealthy They've got position.

81

:

They've got all these things and

basically the story is well if

82

:

you do the things I do You could

become like me But I knew that I

83

:

wouldn't I wasn't like Tony Robbins.

84

:

I wasn't like Dean Graziosi I wasn't

like Dale Carnegie and all the people

85

:

that I learned from not that their

principles didn't have value But there

86

:

was no transformation in it Right.

87

:

Okay.

88

:

Where are you a pastor at and where

do you live in the country right now?

89

:

Sure.

90

:

Um, thanks for the question.

91

:

I'm in Southern California.

92

:

Our church is authentic community church.

93

:

Um, I'm the associate pastor

there and our senior pastor is a

94

:

pastor, Sean and Amanda Hamilton.

95

:

They do a great job and I

have the opportunity to be

96

:

under their leadership and be.

97

:

Associate pastor at that church.

98

:

Okay, and you're a coach a coach of what

like a basketball team a football team

99

:

What what kind of coach a life coach?

100

:

I Would you could call it a spiritual

coach a life coach a business coach,

101

:

whatever you want to call it It's really

me trying to be a coach and mentor.

102

:

I like the word mentor, but most

folks don't really Resonate with

103

:

that or understand what it means.

104

:

So mostly I just say coach because it's

kind of an easy understanding of oh,

105

:

okay So you're gonna help me get better?

106

:

Okay, and you're a husband.

107

:

You also are a husband.

108

:

How long have you been married?

109

:

33 years Yeah, uh, we've

been married quite a while.

110

:

Okay, you can talk to this then

you you got some longevity here.

111

:

Yeah To the same woman.

112

:

Sorry Same woman with a lot of patience

is which is why we're married 33

113

:

years known each other 35 married 33

Okay, have three kids all adults 125

114

:

140 144 You can remember their ages.

115

:

I can't remember my kids ages.

116

:

Okay, that's pretty good.

117

:

You got good memory All right, and you are

black so far You are a black belt in what?

118

:

Yeah, so I was studying a

martial art called wing chung.

119

:

It's a chinese martial arts.

120

:

So Martial artists In general broken up

into two groups the Japanese or Chinese

121

:

There's Thai martial arts and all sorts.

122

:

I don't want to get into the details

and bore you but yeah So Wing Chun is

123

:

a Chinese martial art that I studied.

124

:

I studied several martial arts and to

be totally honest I studied martial

125

:

arts because my dad I felt was a

tough guy and I thought okay Well,

126

:

if I learn all these things right

the Bruce Lee kind of approach then

127

:

I'm gonna be like my dad again Trying

to be an imitation of somebody.

128

:

I thought was the picture of a man.

129

:

And my dad is certainly a

man, but I'm not him for sure.

130

:

Everybody is different and unique.

131

:

God didn't make everybody the same.

132

:

So you also have a degree.

133

:

What is your degree in?

134

:

Yeah, it's a bachelor of science

and information technology.

135

:

It's basically a computer degree.

136

:

It was again, one of those things I

was going to school when I was younger,

137

:

you know, right out of high school.

138

:

Um, you My dad was in the military.

139

:

The last place he was stationed

was in Utah, uh, retired there.

140

:

So I, I grew up from sixth

grade to high school, going

141

:

into a little bit of college.

142

:

It wasn't the life for me at the time.

143

:

So I actually moved to California

at that time, told people I

144

:

was going to be a rock star.

145

:

Um, wasn't necessarily

working out that way.

146

:

Uh, but as an adult, I, I, it was one

of those goals that I wanted to have.

147

:

Again, it was one of those

things that you're trying to be

148

:

an imitation of somebody else.

149

:

There's those things that you use to

succeed at not because you're good at

150

:

it You're gifted at it or it's something

that you're really driven towards but

151

:

because you're trying to prove something

And so for me with college It was to

152

:

prove that I was smart enough to prove

that I was a guy that could make it

153

:

could finish could complete it Okay.

154

:

All right.

155

:

That was good.

156

:

Um that helps As well as audience

get to know, know you better.

157

:

And this is awesome.

158

:

I really like all the facets of

you because it's going to make

159

:

you very, very interesting.

160

:

So you, you wrote this book.

161

:

I'm like really interested in why

did you name it the way you did?

162

:

Cause you said life mastery book living.

163

:

Design and not default.

164

:

What, what was the, what's

the meaning behind that?

165

:

Yeah, so two, two different things.

166

:

The first is the life mastery part of it.

167

:

There's a scripture, you know, I'm

a, I'm a Christian and a pastor, so

168

:

I'm going to, uh, really the whole

framework for life mastery of the

169

:

book and the course that I have that

I've, you know, walked through with

170

:

different students is scripturally based.

171

:

So there's instructions in the Bible.

172

:

I believe that would give you the ability

to live the life that you're created for.

173

:

That's the whole goal of it.

174

:

There's two goals in the book

and with the course Life Mastery.

175

:

To discover who you're created to be and

live the life that you're created for.

176

:

And so Life Mastery comes

from Genesis 1 where God, Holy

177

:

Spirit, and Jesus were together.

178

:

And he said, let us make man in

our image and in our likeness.

179

:

And let them have dominion over

the fish of the sea, the birds

180

:

of the air, so on and so forth.

181

:

I won't read the whole thing.

182

:

You can go check it out in Genesis 1.

183

:

But that word dominion, right,

can also be translated master.

184

:

And what I understood in the scripture

and what I understood in my own

185

:

journey was, and not by, you know,

fault of anybody, but typically we

186

:

look at scripture, we look at God's

word and we look at the way it's going

187

:

to apply to everything out there.

188

:

And that's absolutely true, right?

189

:

You know, you're going to master,

you're going to have dominion over

190

:

all of the earth and those things.

191

:

You know, I don't want to get into the

scriptural story of it was lost with Adam

192

:

and Eve, but it was regained with Jesus.

193

:

But let's understand the concept.

194

:

It is, it is mastery.

195

:

But the thing is that

God isn't inviting us.

196

:

And giving us the dictate to master

everything around us more so than

197

:

we master ourselves I can't master

my world if I can't master me.

198

:

And so that's where that came from

was that word dominion Um life fight.

199

:

I'm, sorry say that again

because that was key No master.

200

:

I can't master my world if I can't master

myself I can be dominating I can be

201

:

domineering But I can't have dominion

202

:

And so, um, by design or default,

here's the truth of the matter

203

:

that I see in every person I know.

204

:

And I first saw it in myself.

205

:

Most of the time we live our

life by default, which means

206

:

that life happens and I respond.

207

:

Whether it's challenge, it's confusion,

it's relational, you know, fights with

208

:

your wife, it's, it's struggling at

work, it's losing a job, it's trying

209

:

to find a job, it's being, you know,

in a place where you're, you know,

210

:

Cut off in traffic, whatever the

thing is life happens and typically we

211

:

respond even in Christianity, right?

212

:

We have those scriptures we put

in our pocket and we bring them

213

:

out when life is happening.

214

:

I can't pay my bills I mean, these

are all personal stories by the way

215

:

in my past you you're right They say

your your month lasts longer than your

216

:

money And so you're, you're, you're

quoting these scriptures, you know,

217

:

he's made me the head and the tail, you

know, I'm the, um, he has promises and

218

:

plans and purposes for my life, right?

219

:

We, we bring out these scriptures

when life is happening.

220

:

But I believe God called us to live life

by design, which means this, I'm the

221

:

answer to the situations I'm walking into.

222

:

Not me specifically, although I am.

223

:

But Misha J and everything against us.

224

:

And that's like by default and

Satan loves that because that means

225

:

that we're always on the defensive.

226

:

Everybody else who's

listening to this podcast.

227

:

We think that we're just supposed

to defend ourselves when things come

228

:

against us, whether it's struggle,

issue, anger, fear, whatever, but

229

:

God's calling us to live by design,

which means this understanding that.

230

:

I'm the answer that's

going into this situation.

231

:

I'm the response that God has what

he's given me inside of me is what's

232

:

supposed to be the impact for the life

I'm walking into so if I have a challenge

233

:

with a job, well, i'm the person with

answers I'm the person with peace.

234

:

I'm the person with solutions, right if if

i'm having struggles in the relationship

235

:

Well, i'm the person that's reconciling.

236

:

I'm the person bringing vulnerability.

237

:

I'm the person speaking truth and

love And so life by design is the

238

:

life that God has for us So that

we're trained for the battle before it

239

:

happens, not trying to fight it after.

240

:

Right, because then it's too late.

241

:

So, you made a point, I like, okay.

242

:

Your goal is to have people

discover who they are.

243

:

Yeah.

244

:

And what purpose, right?

245

:

And you're like a coach.

246

:

And you just said, Yeah, I do.

247

:

Living life by design rather than default

and you made a great point about instead

248

:

of on a defense so thinking coach wise

How would you I mean just talk about

249

:

that as a coach because we see defense

with football And we see offense.

250

:

So what's your Could you kind of

put it in plain terms and give an

251

:

example of that for us, please?

252

:

Thanks.

253

:

Yeah.

254

:

And let me use my own life.

255

:

Yeah.

256

:

So the things that we talked about, the

accomplishments, all of those things,

257

:

what I tell some people all the time, what

I tell them in my life mastery courses,

258

:

you'll never, so Fear, failure, issues,

struggles with, you know, insecurity,

259

:

they call that imposter syndrome as well.

260

:

Feeling like I'm not qualified

for that job or for that

261

:

relationship or for that business.

262

:

Right?

263

:

Those are all things that are happening.

264

:

Well, it comes from a place

of identity and believing that

265

:

you're a person who, right?

266

:

We either live from our experiences

or we live from who God created

267

:

us to be, what I call identity.

268

:

And so in the place where I'm

living from my experiences,

269

:

I'm using my accomplishments.

270

:

Again, this is my personal story.

271

:

I succeeded at business.

272

:

My wife and I had a business

that we sold for a six figure

273

:

profit, a mid six figure profit.

274

:

The interesting thing was that

fear of failure that I had before

275

:

we started that I struggled with

while we were walking through it.

276

:

I still had when we were done.

277

:

So in that place, what is happening

is you're expecting your outside

278

:

world to make up the difference.

279

:

in your identity.

280

:

If I don't know who I am, I'm expecting

the world to make up the difference.

281

:

If I don't know who I am, I'm expecting

my wife to make up the difference.

282

:

So life mastery versus life by

default, it really comes down to this.

283

:

Am I allowing my experiences, my

past, my hurts, the lies I believed,

284

:

and the things that have been

said about me tell me who I am?

285

:

Or am I allowing God to tell me who I am?

286

:

So life mastery starts with God.

287

:

Identity I tell people this all the time.

288

:

Um, I don't have a tattoo, but if

I did it would say this identity is

289

:

everything Yes, okay Let me explore

this a little bit because you didn't

290

:

mention the term imposter syndrome

we hear that a lot, but for people to

291

:

Understand what you're talking about and

you can correct me It's like imposter

292

:

Syndrome so A person could think that

they shouldn't be there because of some

293

:

experience or something like that, that

they feel that they shouldn't be there.

294

:

That's living it by experience, but by

design, if you know that you're purposely

295

:

supposed, if you know your purpose, you

know, you're supposed to be there and you

296

:

will approach things differently because.

297

:

You are there, but if the person doesn't

know their identity Don't have a Driver's

298

:

license or can prove who they are You're

saying that they can miss things because

299

:

they don't have the proper identity They

are not going places where they should

300

:

be or just knowing who they are Just

you know, I'm trying to break it down

301

:

so we can understand it practically You

in our lives because you, because you

302

:

didn't know who you were, you had fear.

303

:

Yep, absolutely.

304

:

Yeah.

305

:

And for me, it was fear of

failure and the fear of failure.

306

:

You're asking really

great questions, Misha J.

307

:

I appreciate that.

308

:

Fear of failure is really, for me, it

was, it was, An identity statement and

309

:

it's the same with anything, right?

310

:

If you've had relationships where there

were struggles and they didn't work out,

311

:

you get into a new relationship and,

and you're getting into a fight, right?

312

:

You're getting a little bit heated

or something's going on there.

313

:

Now, all of a sudden, it, it, it.

314

:

I don't know anybody who's not like this,

so I'm just going to say with everybody

315

:

you're, you're already understanding

where this is going because your past

316

:

experiences show you don't logically think

that, but you have those emotions of, you

317

:

know, that, that fear and that worry and

that confusion because you know that my

318

:

past relationships haven't worked out.

319

:

So this one isn't either.

320

:

And so imposter syndrome is

really not believing that you're

321

:

qualified to be where you're at.

322

:

In relationship and business

and job, whatever, right?

323

:

In podcasting, we should say, right?

324

:

Like with you and I, it doesn't

mean that you won't succeed.

325

:

And that's the interesting thing.

326

:

I know people have great success

and I have testimonies of guys

327

:

in our course and women as well.

328

:

It's not that they don't succeed.

329

:

It's that in their success, there's

no joy because what they're fighting

330

:

against is the belief that they're

a failure waiting to happen.

331

:

So even when they do succeed,

there's always this word of,

332

:

Oh, well this time, right?

333

:

. Mm-Hmm.

334

:

, right?

335

:

Mm-Hmm.

336

:

. You get through a relational

issue with your spouse, your

337

:

girlfriend, boyfriend, whatever.

338

:

Mm-Hmm.

339

:

. And, and, oh, okay, well it worked

out this time, but watch out.

340

:

It was luck.

341

:

Right?

342

:

The, the next one could be the last one.

343

:

Exactly.

344

:

It is something like, oh, you

just lucky that you got there.

345

:

Oh, okay.

346

:

Exactly.

347

:

You, you really, you breaking it

down for us, um, to understand

348

:

what you're talking about.

349

:

So this, um, if we don't get past

this fear, we can't move forward.

350

:

Because we is starting from

not knowing our identity.

351

:

We were having this fear.

352

:

Oh, that's why now I remember my question.

353

:

I have I was having a

senior moment experience.

354

:

What's the value of that experience?

355

:

In your when your thoughts because

356

:

you have both everybody have experience,

but what's the necessity of it?

357

:

What's the value?

358

:

of having that experience.

359

:

That's a great question.

360

:

So, in the course, and actually I think

I read about it in general, I look at

361

:

the book as being kind of the quick

start guide to a life mastery journey.

362

:

And so all of the details that are

in the course and the things that we

363

:

train and teach aren't necessarily

in there, so this may be new

364

:

knowledge for anybody who's read it.

365

:

Um, so there's, there's, I call

them four pillars of life mastery.

366

:

Um, identity, experience,

meaning, and emotion.

367

:

Identity?

368

:

Experience.

369

:

And emotion.

370

:

And so you start with identity.

371

:

So you either live your life through

identity, who I'm created to be,

372

:

or you live your life with your

experiences telling you who you are.

373

:

It's like that phrase

that people say, right?

374

:

If you don't know who you are, don't

worry, the world will tell you.

375

:

And unfortunately, that's the truth.

376

:

It'll tell you through marketing,

it'll tell you through social media,

377

:

it'll tell you through um, The people

around you or the life that you

378

:

have or the success they have, but

I don't so I'm not as good as right.

379

:

It's those things that

we all struggle with.

380

:

So experience is an experience.

381

:

So for my own life, my, you

know, I'm just to kind of let

382

:

you in a little bit on my life.

383

:

My mom passed away two months ago.

384

:

Oh, I'm so sorry.

385

:

I appreciate that.

386

:

Um, it was an extended kind of

time of her health failing and

387

:

she, I, I live in California.

388

:

She lives in Hawaii.

389

:

So it was a, it was a bit of

a struggle during that time.

390

:

First off, obviously, cause you have

a parent who's passing and you kind of

391

:

know it, but you don't know when and to

trying to kind of navigate through, you

392

:

know, I'm not, I'm not a wealthy man.

393

:

So going to Hawaii isn't

something I can do every week.

394

:

So to figure out timing in, in the

relationship with family, I was, I was

395

:

with a friend, a Actually, my brother in

law and my mom had passed and we were in

396

:

the, in her little home when she passed

away and we stepped out of the bedroom.

397

:

I was talking to him and, you

know, obviously there's the emotion

398

:

of the situation and he said

something that was interesting.

399

:

He said, you know,

sometimes life is horrible.

400

:

And my response to him was, you know, life

isn't horrible, but this circumstance is.

401

:

And so there's a difference.

402

:

And so the difference in an experience

that empowers you to move forward and

403

:

one that holds you back really is in

the meaning that you give it, right?

404

:

Identity, experience, meaning and emotion.

405

:

So life happens to everybody.

406

:

Great success, decent

day, horrible day, right?

407

:

We all have experiences that we can

say this was the worst day or the

408

:

worst experience I walked through.

409

:

But the difference is in being able

to move forward from that experience.

410

:

Or have it be an anchor that holds you

back the rest of your life Maybe you know

411

:

people I unfortunately know people in my

life that they've experienced loss and

412

:

They're still talking about that loss.

413

:

It's still a cloud hanging over their

head years later The experience isn't the

414

:

issue because good and bad and challenges

will happen right right in this world

415

:

You will have trouble Jesus said the

difference is what meaning do I give it?

416

:

See for myself I was fully there and,

I mean, I'll tell you the honest truth,

417

:

I was crying every day the last five

days as I spent that time with my mom.

418

:

Because there was a loss that

was coming and you could start,

419

:

you know, you walk through it.

420

:

I don't need to go into details.

421

:

But, that experience isn't who I am.

422

:

It doesn't mean I love my mom less.

423

:

It just means I understand, hey, I

have a good life and a good place and

424

:

frankly, it's a, answer to prayer to

be able to be here with her at this

425

:

time, even though at the same time,

it's a crushing experience for us.

426

:

So it's not the experience that

matters, but the meaning you take

427

:

from it in the most cases, right?

428

:

Like when I, you know, we succeeded

at our fourth business, which

429

:

means that the first three didn't.

430

:

Okay.

431

:

So the experience of losing our business

or failing and it costing money and

432

:

putting us in a financial struggle, right?

433

:

That's, that's a Business failure.

434

:

The problem is a lot of times

we think it's an us failure.

435

:

Your relationship doesn't work out.

436

:

You get a divorce.

437

:

You, you, that relationship you've had for

years or for a few weeks doesn't work out.

438

:

The relationship didn't work

out, but sometimes we think,

439

:

well, that means I'm not lovable.

440

:

I'm not somebody of value.

441

:

I'm not somebody of worth that,

that deserves a relationship.

442

:

It's not the experience.

443

:

It's the meaning I take from it.

444

:

And the meaning I take from it will always

be in alignment with who I believe I am.

445

:

That's key what you say, said.

446

:

Could you say that again?

447

:

The, the meaning I take from

my experience will always be in

448

:

alignment with who I believe I am.

449

:

So if I believe I'm a failure and

I, and my business doesn't work

450

:

out, oh well I just proved it right.

451

:

If I believe that I'm a person that's

meant for success and impact in the

452

:

world, well then that's just something

to walk through, an experience to walk

453

:

through to get to that next stage.

454

:

It all depends, I mean it

all comes back to identity.

455

:

Identity is everything.

456

:

Who you believe you are, you'll see

walked out in every area of your life.

457

:

Okay, that is very key.

458

:

I really like that, that you kind of

expose that and make it plain to see.

459

:

This is especially good for men who

have gone to prison and They're out now.

460

:

Maybe some are still in some are in

spiritual prisons, you know, because

461

:

it does start in a mind first but in

experience because Again, a lot of

462

:

people in my audience have been in jail.

463

:

Hey Do have an ID Problem we we see

it somewhat to when they come out.

464

:

They can't it's hard for them to get

their ID, you know and The most important

465

:

ID they need to have is their identity

in what you're talking about now and

466

:

you're trying to help them get the real

ID they need and your book is equipping

467

:

men and women can pick up this book too

and learn as well because we suffer from

468

:

that as well and um so Can you speak from?

469

:

Yeah, it's experience because sometimes

experience make you be Emotional

470

:

it's nothing Wrong with emotion.

471

:

So because emotion can kind of Drive you

kind of motivate you It what is but it's

472

:

like what is it motivating you to do?

473

:

Is it motivating you to stop?

474

:

Yep breeze so You're coaching people

through this And you're showing them

475

:

who they are and their experiences.

476

:

And then you went into, I

think I jumped ahead of you.

477

:

You said the meaning, cause you

were talking about the meaning.

478

:

Cause you said the four pillars are what

ID experience, meaning, and emotion.

479

:

Yep.

480

:

And the interesting thing is in most

personal development programs, they always

481

:

start with the last one, which is emotion.

482

:

And I always make it

last because it's the,

483

:

it's, it's the one that, If you

change the first three, the last

484

:

one will fall in line, meaning this.

485

:

So, um, my, my mom, my

mom passed away, right?

486

:

Or, or let's do this.

487

:

I lost, you know, our, we had

some businesses that failed,

488

:

cost us hugely financially.

489

:

We were at the point of bankruptcy.

490

:

Right?

491

:

So that's an experience

that we walked through.

492

:

The meaning, if it's an

empowering meaning, I call them

493

:

disempowering or empowering.

494

:

Empowering is.

495

:

Okay, we learned from that.

496

:

Now I won't make that mistake again,

but I've learned things that I

497

:

can take into the next experience.

498

:

It doesn't mean I'm not supposed

to be this person or do this thing.

499

:

It just means that this is

part of the going to school.

500

:

This is part of the learning.

501

:

So if I take that meaning, then what

am I feeling when I come out of it?

502

:

I'm feeling confident.

503

:

I'm feeling assured.

504

:

I'm feeling, you know, in line with

what I'm doing, but if I go through that

505

:

same experience, business fails, we're

struggling financially month to month.

506

:

Now, all of a sudden, the

meaning is I'm a failure.

507

:

That's because of me.

508

:

I've blown it.

509

:

I'm never going to succeed.

510

:

Well, what emotion do

you have off of that?

511

:

I have shame.

512

:

I have regret.

513

:

I have embarrassment.

514

:

What I tell people is this.

515

:

Your emotion is the only honest

thing in the conversation.

516

:

Because if I was on a mountaintop or

I was on the roof of a tall building

517

:

and I was right at the edge, well,

fear would be an appropriate emotion.

518

:

But if I'm in a relationship with

my, my, my wife, Misha Jay, and we're

519

:

in a fight, me being afraid that

we're gonna get a divorce, is that an

520

:

empowering or disempowering emotion?

521

:

It's a disempowering one.

522

:

So if I can walk back to the whole

experience, if I understand who I'm

523

:

created to be, I'm a person that's

got value and impact in the world.

524

:

Yeah, but something happened.

525

:

And you know, for some of your

listeners, I went to jail, I made some

526

:

wrong choices, I did some things that

caused me to go into the system, right?

527

:

But if I know who I am a person of value

and worth, okay, well, that was a mistake.

528

:

I recognize the mistake.

529

:

You know, I, I, I, I create the

consequence that I need to walk

530

:

through, but the meaning of it is

this is an experience for me to walk

531

:

through to understand who I'm not going

to be and what I'm not going to do.

532

:

Now, all of a sudden, the emotion

that you have going into it is I'm

533

:

a person of confidence and worth.

534

:

It's really me telling my world who

I am versus my world telling me.

535

:

So, again, it's who

536

:

you're allowing the world to

tell you who you are, which is.

537

:

The default, right?

538

:

You're right For all of

us not just some of us.

539

:

So anybody out there

saying oh, it's only me.

540

:

No, it's not you I wrote a whole book

because I was a guy in that place,

541

:

but wanted to have a roadmap I wanted

to have a blueprint to become the

542

:

person that was created to be not what

the world said I was So I like this.

543

:

Um, this is very very good and you

Walking through this You just left us

544

:

the recipe in your book and just follow

the steps that you laid out so we don't

545

:

have to reinvent the wheel, right?

546

:

You've done it.

547

:

I want to live off your experience.

548

:

I don't want to have to

go through it myself.

549

:

If I, if somebody else has been there

and actually took the time to write

550

:

about it, like yourself, to tell you

how to get out, um, get the best of it.

551

:

So, all of this.

552

:

Again, you said identity,

which you went through the

553

:

experience, meaning and emotion.

554

:

I love how you said it's the last

thing in the most honest thing.

555

:

And because it's feeding off whatever

you, your identity, your identity is, it's

556

:

feeding off whatever your experience is.

557

:

And it's feeding off what

meaning did you take from it?

558

:

And that's how you're going to emote.

559

:

You're going to show your emotions.

560

:

And you cannot hide that.

561

:

And that's a great point.

562

:

So all of this is what part of

the image, if this part of the

563

:

image of a person, this is the

life that everybody goes through.

564

:

So my life is fully encompassing

in who I'm created to be or

565

:

who I believe I am identity.

566

:

The experiences I walked through,

the meanings I put through it

567

:

and the emotions that I have.

568

:

And so this is kind of a snapshot

of what life looks like lived out.

569

:

And I put it in that place as

the four pillars of life mastery,

570

:

because it's also the same.

571

:

Four pillars of life, what I call life

management or living life by default.

572

:

The problem is we start

with the emotion, right?

573

:

Allowing our experiences

to tell us who I am.

574

:

The meaning tells me that I'm not

good enough and the emotions follow.

575

:

So I get angry.

576

:

So I have control.

577

:

So I have fear of failure.

578

:

So I have imposter syndrome.

579

:

So I have insecurity.

580

:

I feel like I'm not good anywhere.

581

:

And you know, I'm just waiting for

the next thing to fail in my life.

582

:

So are you saying when people?

583

:

lash out or have this anger.

584

:

You're saying that their experiences

what meaning they put to that in who they

585

:

think they are is driving that is it?

586

:

Yeah, if you want to get really deep into

what we talked about in the chorus, right?

587

:

You're just a little bit just

a little bit your emotions.

588

:

Your emotions are always a

response to your experience.

589

:

Right, but your emotions are driven by

your identity again, so I get into a Issue

590

:

at work somebody's you know, we're not in

agreement with stuff, you know He's kind

591

:

of getting on my nerves or I'm getting on

his nerves or whatever And and then you

592

:

have this response of anger you have this

response of hatred or whatever, right?

593

:

And that's because there's something

in there that's telling you that, you

594

:

know, there's this guy's disrespecting

me He's he's doing something that's

595

:

you know, he's putting me down.

596

:

He's doing this or that or the other

But here's the interesting thing.

597

:

The more I understand who I am

the the less I allow other people

598

:

to tell me Which means is if I'm

walking into a circumstance in a

599

:

situation and I'm confident in who

I am You can tell me I'm an idiot.

600

:

You can tell me I'm a fool You can

tell me I'm not as good as right you

601

:

can try and put me down It doesn't

mean you're not being disrespectful.

602

:

It just means it doesn't have

an impact on who I believe I am.

603

:

But when I don't believe who I am,

when I'm feeling like, uh, you know,

604

:

I'm not getting respect, right?

605

:

That kind of identity issue where

you, you feel like you're not

606

:

somebody as good as everybody else.

607

:

Again, I'm talking from

personal experience.

608

:

Now, all of a sudden my response is anger

because you've hit a nerve, so to speak.

609

:

You've hit an area where I feel

vulnerable because while I try on the

610

:

outside portray that I don't believe

it on the inside, I kind of do.

611

:

But I'm telling you what, when you walk

in knowing who you're creating, you're

612

:

not in arrogance, because none of this

comes from me believing I'm all that.

613

:

It all comes from, I know God's

made me specifically, just

614

:

like he's made everybody else.

615

:

And the more I align with who

he's created me to be, the more

616

:

I'm walking in confident in that.

617

:

The great example is Jesus, right?

618

:

Whether it was the devil or the

religious teachers or anybody around

619

:

him, everybody was trying to put

him in the mold of who they believed

620

:

the Savior was supposed to be.

621

:

None of it impacted him If people

were angry if people left him because

622

:

of some of the words he said if

they tried to persecute him Right.

623

:

All he had to do was change Who he was

right so we get that's where I was going

624

:

a little bit with the image We're we're

actually creating in his image and he's

625

:

an example for us if I know who I am

going into it All of the noise from the

626

:

outside has no impact and allow other

people to tell him that and everything

627

:

would have been cool Supposedly, but

jesus knows who he is He's the model um,

628

:

so to speak and where we should be trying

to imitate and you Have really crafted.

629

:

Yeah a good tool here for people

to use again You The name of

630

:

Mark's book is Life Mastery Living

Life by Design Not by Default.

631

:

Wow we can relate to that because

It's like you are now getting in

632

:

the driver's seat rather than being

driven You're actually getting in

633

:

the driver's seat where you belong

and that's where our men belong.

634

:

So what is okay now that Once they

Read this book, get this information.

635

:

What is some of the impacts you

think they will see in their life?

636

:

Like describe some of the impacts

that you've seen in your own life

637

:

because you've mastered this.

638

:

That's a great question.

639

:

Thank you for saying Misha J.

640

:

First, so there's a few things.

641

:

One is I believe that every man

has an impact in the world that

642

:

you're you're called and created.

643

:

Thank you.

644

:

For an impact that's

yours and yours alone.

645

:

And I'm not just saying it because I'm

trying to pump people up or because

646

:

I believe that about my own life.

647

:

I see it all over the word of God.

648

:

I see it all over scripture.

649

:

It's really interesting

in, in, in the word of God.

650

:

When you talk, see a man or a woman

in, in a multitude of cases, God

651

:

would come and tell them who they are.

652

:

And then he would tell them that the,

the thing that is theirs, their, their

653

:

journey, their purpose, the thing that

he's called them to have an impact with.

654

:

But he always started with

who they were created to be.

655

:

He didn't start with, if you

do this thing, then you'll

656

:

become somebody of importance.

657

:

He said, you're a person

of value and worth.

658

:

You're a great man of valor.

659

:

And this is what you're

going to do with it.

660

:

Even when in every case that I remember,

they didn't know that about themselves.

661

:

And so for us, identity starts with.

662

:

Who does God say you are and then who

do you say you are and in that place

663

:

you can start to become that person And

so for me again, I've had success in

664

:

different areas of my life And even if

you haven't here's the sameness about

665

:

all of us Whether you're successful or

not in the things that you're doing those

666

:

fears that we have are all the same those

feelings of wanting to be valued as a

667

:

man and And you know hoping for your

world to show you the difference that

668

:

you don't have on the inside You Right.

669

:

If I don't know who I am, the world

has to make up the difference.

670

:

So you have to respect me.

671

:

So you have to, you know, give me

whatever that wealth, that power,

672

:

that prestige, that position.

673

:

All the things we use as

substitutes for identity.

674

:

So in my own life, the honest

truth is, Misha J., there's a

675

:

couple of things that happened.

676

:

The first one is I started showing up as

a guy that I thought I was created to be.

677

:

I started to see him lived out.

678

:

So I wasn't getting angry

when things were happening.

679

:

I wasn't having struggles with my wife

because our business wasn't going well.

680

:

The outside world wasn't

dictating my inside value.

681

:

My inside value was dictating

what happened in the world.

682

:

It doesn't mean everything's perfect.

683

:

And you know, I won the

lottery and everything's great.

684

:

But what it does mean is That fear

didn't follow me in everything I did.

685

:

Anger wasn't my first response to

everything I was coming against.

686

:

Really because, you know,

I'm just going to be honest.

687

:

Anger is really just a great

arrow pointing to insecurity.

688

:

Anger is never the emotion.

689

:

So when they tell you, again, most

personal development programs, they

690

:

talk about managing your emotions.

691

:

Which is foolish because you'll

always be managing them if

692

:

you're only going to stay there.

693

:

But here's the truth.

694

:

When I understood who I was created

to be and I started walking through

695

:

identity, my thoughts of who I am were

aligning with who God says I am, now all

696

:

of a sudden stress wasn't there, worry

wasn't there at the highest levels.

697

:

So not only was I able to accomplish

stuff, but I actually was able to

698

:

enjoy it because I wasn't worried that

at any minute it's gonna fall apart.

699

:

I tell people this, and so life mastery

is the tool, freedom is the goal.

700

:

And where freedom comes from

is where Jesus said, He who the

701

:

sun sets free is free indeed.

702

:

It is absolutely a salvation message.

703

:

So I'm not trying to take away from

the fact that, okay, Jesus died

704

:

for our sins, and that's a freedom

that he has, freedom against the

705

:

impact and the influence of sin.

706

:

But there's a lifestyle side of

it that he was also talking about.

707

:

Freedom looks like something lived out.

708

:

It looks like somebody a man walking in

confidence It looks like a man willing

709

:

to to be vulnerable in his relationships

because he's not afraid that he has to

710

:

guard against being hurt It's a man who

has an impact in the world and believes

711

:

that there's more for him not guy What

I call him in my course and what I talk

712

:

about with the guys that I coach is we're

heroes in hiding love that There's a

713

:

there's a hero on the inside that isn't

coming out So it's not just me feeling

714

:

good for me You It's me being able to

invest in the world and the impact God

715

:

has through me because I know who I am.

716

:

And so I tell guys this all the time.

717

:

I say, living from a place of freedom

is the easiest thing you can do.

718

:

It's literally me just living

from who I'm created to be.

719

:

It's, it's effortless with work.

720

:

Meaning, you know, I still have to work

to get things accomplished like this

721

:

podcast, like my ministry and all of that.

722

:

But I'm not struggling.

723

:

I'm not striving.

724

:

I'm not, you know,

stressed out because of it.

725

:

Living from a place of freedom

is the easiest thing you can do.

726

:

Living apart from freedom is tough.

727

:

And that's how most of us are living.

728

:

Right.

729

:

Thank you for that.

730

:

So

731

:

one thing you said, correct me

if I'm misinterpreting this, is

732

:

making The difference trying to

have the world World have to make

733

:

up the difference having the world

have to make up the difference when

734

:

You actually should be making the

difference not the world, right?

735

:

Yeah, so Hmm So we you talked about so

so if I don't What I said was if I if

736

:

you don't know who you are the world has

to make up the difference Which means

737

:

with my relationship with my wife, if,

if I don't feel secure in who I am, if I

738

:

don't, I'm not confident that I'm a person

of worth and value worthy to be loved.

739

:

If I feel like I'm insecure and my

relationships haven't worked out, so

740

:

maybe this one won't work out either.

741

:

Well, then what I require from her,

I don't say it, but what I require

742

:

from her is, okay, then you need to,

you need to always treat me nicely.

743

:

You need to not get angry.

744

:

You need to validate me.

745

:

Exactly.

746

:

Because I don't believe who I am.

747

:

So again, you have to

make up the difference.

748

:

But when I know who I am now, I tell

people, My, my marriage is a benefit.

749

:

It's not a requirement.

750

:

It's my wife is a benefit to my

life and she makes my life better.

751

:

She's not a requirement

for me to be okay with me.

752

:

I like that.

753

:

It's that is a key thing.

754

:

So first it starts with the

individual you getting the ID.

755

:

Which then goes into every relationship

you have because then you went from

756

:

You were in a relationship with your

wife, and it's you two, so if you let

757

:

the world dictate how you all should

interact versus what the model of

758

:

what the Bible says and what God says

because he created you, it's gonna be

759

:

totally two different things, right?

760

:

Yep.

761

:

Yeah, absolutely.

762

:

And you showed.

763

:

How it started impacting you as a

husband with your wife You stopped being

764

:

a probably annoyed with some things

before You know, i've seen things.

765

:

No, exactly No, you're absolutely

right because again those emotions

766

:

are going to be on the surface right

if i'm If I don't understand who I am

767

:

if I don't understand who god created

me to be right then anything that's

768

:

happening at work Um I'm gonna take home

anything that happened on the street.

769

:

I'm gonna take home anything that

happens with my neighbors I'm gonna

770

:

take home right you can't we as men

try to compartmentalize our life.

771

:

We think we can So right, you know if

work is horrible or I don't have a job

772

:

and so this is that but I'm gonna be

an angel At home, that's never the case

773

:

because it bleeds over into every area

of your life And so my marriage is better

774

:

because I'm better My job is better

because I'm better because you're making

775

:

the difference in that world exactly

because I'm walking in who I'm created

776

:

to be God made us to walk like that.

777

:

It's only satan that tries

to get us to stop right?

778

:

so If you you're making the difference

and you're going to start seeing the

779

:

fruit of it and What you're saying that

you can't really manage that Because

780

:

when that's what they were trying to do

when they try to When you said that if

781

:

something happened at work, I'm gonna

keep that at work and I'm gonna come

782

:

home and I'm gonna be somebody else.

783

:

You're trying to actually manage that by

keeping it over there and it's actually

784

:

you, it's right, you bringing it with you.

785

:

You can't leave it because it's a part

of you, a part of your experience now.

786

:

Going back to your four pillars.

787

:

And that you're absolutely right.

788

:

Okay.

789

:

And here's the thing.

790

:

Also, I'm either bringing it home

because I'm going to lash out.

791

:

I'm going to be angry.

792

:

I'm going to be short

tempered or whatever.

793

:

Or I'm bringing it home because

I'm going to be shut down.

794

:

So you guys think that me being able to

be a good husband is I'm not letting you

795

:

into those areas that I'm struggling with.

796

:

I'm striving with or I'm

having issues with that.

797

:

Well, that's a great way to

have a superficial marriage.

798

:

Because now your wife doesn't even

know who you are because you're not

799

:

allowing her to it doesn't mean i'm

weak It just means i'm honest Right,

800

:

my wife my wife and I walked through

my mom's passing I didn't act like it

801

:

didn't bother me because that's what

a man is supposed to be That's just a

802

:

lie from the pit of hell say it again.

803

:

I let her know that this is a

tragic time and i'm hurting in that

804

:

That doesn't mean I'm not strong.

805

:

It just means I'm actually emotionally

relevant in my relationship

806

:

Sometimes we're emotionally

irrelevant because we think that's

807

:

what it looks like to be a man.

808

:

Oh, no, I'm not gonna you know

those You know, I'm not gonna cry.

809

:

I'm not gonna act like something hurts me.

810

:

Well, then you're not a lot like Jesus

so actually when you said you're they

811

:

think you're not a man and So they got

the wrong image of what a man should be

812

:

wrong imagination, the way he's thinking.

813

:

And it's, you know, I'm an older guy,

so I remember this picture, so I'll

814

:

give a picture of what it looks like.

815

:

I don't know if you've ever seen a cartoon

of a, of a guy that's a bodybuilder.

816

:

Right?

817

:

He's, he's super huge, big

arms, big chest and all that.

818

:

And then you look below the waist

and his legs are like toothpicks.

819

:

Right?

820

:

Yeah.

821

:

We've got that phrase that guys used to

needle each other, don't forget leg day.

822

:

Well, that's in a relationship.

823

:

That's exactly what we look like

sometimes because on the top, right?

824

:

The provider, the man of strength,

the, you know, the person who's

825

:

the, the protector in the household,

that's kind of that upper body.

826

:

And then the emotional stuff of actually

being vulnerable and available, actually

827

:

being able to say when you're hurting

and walking through it, actually

828

:

being able to have a conversation

with the guy getting angry, right?

829

:

That's the emotional side.

830

:

Right.

831

:

That looks like toothpicks

on that bodybuilder.

832

:

God doesn't call us to be half developed.

833

:

He calls us to be developed.

834

:

And so I it's one of the things I

wrote in one of my newsletters to my

835

:

guys was they don't forget leg day.

836

:

Incredible.

837

:

I love that analogy and going

into my last question right now.

838

:

Um, in relationships.

839

:

And even with yourself, because people,

we have these voices sometimes that

840

:

tell us, um, wrong things that we, you

know, we are believing wrong things.

841

:

And I've seen many relationships,

not, you know, not all, but where the

842

:

people closest to you can get some

good shots in and Unknowingly, they

843

:

don't understand they're, they're,

um, actually tearing down the person

844

:

with words and things like that.

845

:

Um, where, what would you have as a coach?

846

:

Yeah.

847

:

Because we, we do have wives and we do

have men at times using their strengths

848

:

inappropriately and, and the women

using their strengths inappropriately.

849

:

Um, And tearing down their own

house and tearing down men.

850

:

And that's one of the reasons why our

men are not having the strength they are

851

:

needing to have and not being the heroes,

like you said, who they were made to be.

852

:

What is it, what is it they

can do as a man if they got,

853

:

they're in a relationship?

854

:

You know, that they, a wife,

like a girlfriend, you could

855

:

probably, probably ditch her.

856

:

You know, if you, unless she's worth

saving, I don't, I don't know, it's

857

:

probably not for you to save her.

858

:

I don't know.

859

:

That's questionable.

860

:

We won't digress over there.

861

:

But if they're in a relationship,

like a marriage or something,

862

:

they like tie together.

863

:

What do you, what do you

tell them as a coach?

864

:

Yeah, absolutely.

865

:

That's a great question.

866

:

And so let me give you a picture.

867

:

So, um, I remember we're seeing

this old time kind of, uh, video.

868

:

It was, it was film back in the day.

869

:

And there was a strong man that was

standing in the middle, holding two ropes.

870

:

And he had a group on one side, pulling

him that direction and a group on the

871

:

other side, pulling him that direction.

872

:

And so that's a lot like what

I talk about when I talk about

873

:

mastering your thoughts with my guys.

874

:

So you're the person in the middle,

and on one side is God and who He

875

:

says you are, and on the other side

is the world and maybe your family

876

:

and even some of those people close

to you who are saying who you are.

877

:

And so what I do is I say this, you

have three things that matter, who

878

:

God says you are, who you say you are,

who the people around you say you are.

879

:

Whatever one is the priority is

the one you're going to believe.

880

:

So, for us, I say, mastering

your thoughts means aligning your

881

:

thoughts with who God says you are.

882

:

Pulling in that direction.

883

:

Well, the more I'm pulled in that

direction and I'm saying, because

884

:

it's not just what they say, it's what

you say, because at the end of the

885

:

day, the truth is, it doesn't matter

what anybody around me says, more

886

:

than it matters what I say about me.

887

:

And what I tell the guys is this,

if what you say about yourself

888

:

doesn't align with what God says,

then you're lying to yourself.

889

:

So, if your spouse, your friends, those

people around you, if what they say about

890

:

you doesn't align with what God says

about you, then they're lying to you.

891

:

But at the end of the day, my

Responsibility is my thoughts.

892

:

And so what I do is I, I continue

to remind myself who God says I am.

893

:

Not in general scriptures,

but in specificity.

894

:

With identity, I have guys write

down a statement, an I am statement.

895

:

Who are you?

896

:

Right?

897

:

I'm a man of confidence and assurance.

898

:

I'm a man of Fortitude and action.

899

:

I'm a man that follows through that cares

for his friends and family deeply that

900

:

finishes the projects that he starts

that is Always consistent and there

901

:

for those things that he's supposed to

be right whatever that statement is I

902

:

give them that statement because I say

remind yourself of it read it every day

903

:

I read mine multiple times a day because

life happens all day And people are

904

:

trying to tell you who you are all day.

905

:

So Mastering your thoughts is,

are my thoughts aligning with God?

906

:

Am I being pulled in that direction

towards what God says I am?

907

:

Who He says I am?

908

:

Am I reminding myself, right?

909

:

We talked about it in the

beginning of the conversation.

910

:

I'm preparing myself for the

battle before the battle happens.

911

:

I can't try and remind myself who I

am after I'm in a fight with somebody

912

:

who's telling me I'm a whatever, a fool.

913

:

But if I know who I am walking

into it, not all of a sudden

914

:

you don't have an impact.

915

:

And in a relationship, you first off

align with who God's created you to be.

916

:

Second off, take ownership of the

part of the relationship dysfunction.

917

:

That's your responsibility.

918

:

It takes two people to fight.

919

:

It takes two people to heal.

920

:

And depending on where your relationship

is that If there are people who are

921

:

continually bringing you down, then they

may be people that you want to examine

922

:

how much time you want to put into that

relationship, whether it's a friend,

923

:

whether it's a family member, right?

924

:

It's okay to not hang around people

that continue to put you down.

925

:

You have permission to do that.

926

:

That's healthy.

927

:

That's not an healthy unhealthy

relationship is expecting better

928

:

from people that can't give it.

929

:

Oh, you need you preaching now.

930

:

I didn't know you was going

to start preaching on here.

931

:

But, um, it's boundaries.

932

:

You're talking about boundaries and

just knowing where to draw the line

933

:

and where those boundaries are.

934

:

I just love what you do

because you are a true coach.

935

:

You are coaching men to be men, to be

heroes, helping them with their identity,

936

:

helping them to understand the experience

and taking it and not shining it.

937

:

And what the meaning behind it is so that

they can have the right emotions and not

938

:

be scared of emotions and because men have

emotions just like women but it's just how

939

:

you Control those motions, but you getting

down to the root of where they're coming

940

:

from, you're helping to coach them through

and you're going to call it, you're

941

:

going to call the shots to where it is.

942

:

If that's an out, that's an out.

943

:

You know, if you got struck out,

you know, you just got struck out.

944

:

You know, you may have to sit on a

bench for a minute, you know, I might

945

:

have to put you on penalty zone or

something as a coach, you do all that.

946

:

You show it in your book.

947

:

You even have.

948

:

After the book, which I like,

you don't just throw the book

949

:

out there and just leave them in.

950

:

Right.

951

:

So you have these sessions and how

do they, they get these sessions with

952

:

you because you, you're the coach.

953

:

Yeah.

954

:

Well, I, thanks, thanks for that question.

955

:

I, um, I have a website,

freedom four-life.net.

956

:

Mm-Hmm , it's freedom-four-life.net.

957

:

So, um, you can actually

purchase the book there.

958

:

I have the courses there.

959

:

I have the Life mastery course.

960

:

which also contains some

one on one coaching.

961

:

And the reason I included coaching in the

program, not just the program was because

962

:

I know the one thing that I would want

to give people that I didn't have it.

963

:

And that's fine.

964

:

You know, there's always

the first person through it.

965

:

And for me, it was walking through

my journey, cataloging it, making

966

:

the roadmap and giving it to guys.

967

:

But the one thing I knew was, it would

be amazing if you could through one

968

:

conversation, Shorten your understanding

of something that is going to give you a

969

:

breakthrough So instead of doing it and

trying to figure it out in three months

970

:

Now you can do it in one or trying to

figure it out in a week trying to figure

971

:

Well, how do I implement this in my life?

972

:

Now all of a sudden one conversation

can catapult you can fast forward you

973

:

into the freedom that you're called

to so That's all on my website.

974

:

There's actually also a free

discovery tool Um that's out there.

975

:

You could go to my website It's a I call

it a diagnostic tool, but it's a discovery

976

:

tool to say hey, where am I at in my life?

977

:

Mastery journey so you take A quick survey

and then at the end of it, it's not only

978

:

where am I at, but hey, what's the next

step I can take to get to the next level?

979

:

So that's a free tool

that's out there as well.

980

:

Oh my goodness.

981

:

You, I mean, you got the resources too.

982

:

You, you trying to say you

need to know where you at so

983

:

you can know which way to go.

984

:

And you have, you're doing one on one

after a while and actually coaching them.

985

:

I'm going to call you.

986

:

I'm not going to call you master.

987

:

I mean, I'm sorry, pastor.

988

:

Collins, I'm more, I'm more

geared towards coach Collins.

989

:

I like it.

990

:

I'm geared towards coach Collins

because you're not just a pastor.

991

:

You're not just a husband.

992

:

Those are those relationships.

993

:

You're not just a father, a black belt,

you know, a degree and we, you know, you

994

:

got some, you got a lot of degrees in a

black belt and you got a father degree.

995

:

You got a husband degree.

996

:

You got to pass the degree.

997

:

You, you, you making them be

have mastery of their lives.

998

:

I love that.

999

:

I love what you, thank

you for your service.

:

00:54:37,718 --> 00:54:40,868

And, um, is there anything else

you want to say to the audience?

:

00:54:40,868 --> 00:54:43,208

Because you, you have said a lot for them.

:

00:54:43,218 --> 00:54:46,578

You're going to help a lot of

men understand, um, how to come

:

00:54:46,648 --> 00:54:53,438

out of an institution and not be

institutionalized and, um, helping.

:

00:54:53,823 --> 00:54:59,413

them be better husbands, better,

um, becoming coaches themselves.

:

00:54:59,423 --> 00:54:59,763

Yeah.

:

00:54:59,823 --> 00:55:02,783

Um, uh, better fathers, which we need.

:

00:55:03,538 --> 00:55:08,108

And it's just a lot they're going to get

from your book from you as well And I

:

00:55:08,108 --> 00:55:12,438

will be putting everything in the webs

in the I should say In the show notes

:

00:55:12,668 --> 00:55:16,278

because sometimes people like to see it

So I will put it in there so that they

:

00:55:16,278 --> 00:55:23,958

can master their lives and not live by

default but live by design For sure.

:

00:55:23,988 --> 00:55:24,718

Yeah, absolutely.

:

00:55:24,738 --> 00:55:25,318

Thanks for that.

:

00:55:25,318 --> 00:55:28,598

And and the one thing I would say is

you know, we're talking about all these

:

00:55:28,598 --> 00:55:32,783

tools and all these concepts right the

four pillars of life mastery and We

:

00:55:32,783 --> 00:55:35,613

have, you know, in our course, and I

talk about it in the book as well, the

:

00:55:35,613 --> 00:55:38,893

three transformational strategies, all

of these things aren't to give you more

:

00:55:38,903 --> 00:55:42,883

habits and things to do, aren't to give

you a whole big checklist of stuff to do.

:

00:55:43,093 --> 00:55:44,333

It literally is this.

:

00:55:44,353 --> 00:55:47,573

God has a impact that he wants

to make in the world through you.

:

00:55:48,123 --> 00:55:49,543

There's a call and a purpose on your life.

:

00:55:49,573 --> 00:55:50,473

It's for everybody.

:

00:55:50,473 --> 00:55:54,273

It's not just for people on

podcasts like Misha J and myself.

:

00:55:54,273 --> 00:55:57,673

It's not just for those guys that are in

the pulpit, those people you see on TV.

:

00:55:58,638 --> 00:56:01,228

They're all different, but every

man has an impact that he's

:

00:56:01,228 --> 00:56:02,248

supposed to make in the world.

:

00:56:02,458 --> 00:56:06,098

So these tools are really just

a roadmap, a blueprint for

:

00:56:06,098 --> 00:56:07,118

you to get where you're at.

:

00:56:07,118 --> 00:56:09,998

But at the end of the day, the

thing that matters is God sees you.

:

00:56:10,008 --> 00:56:10,698

He knows you.

:

00:56:10,698 --> 00:56:11,588

He loves you.

:

00:56:11,848 --> 00:56:15,028

He created you for more than where

you're at and that impact in the world.

:

00:56:15,038 --> 00:56:19,548

These are simply the tools to help you

unleash who you are as the hero in hiding

:

00:56:19,548 --> 00:56:23,058

so that you're, you know, Living out

that life that you're created for you.

:

00:56:23,058 --> 00:56:23,768

You probably do.

:

00:56:23,768 --> 00:56:26,078

You have, you probably should

write your next book hero in

:

00:56:26,078 --> 00:56:27,368

hiding or something like that.

:

00:56:27,368 --> 00:56:29,578

I've kind of really liked

how you saying that.

:

00:56:29,858 --> 00:56:37,428

So basically what you're saying and we'll

leave with us is that you are of value.

:

00:56:37,858 --> 00:56:43,428

God gave his life for you

because we are of value.

:

00:56:44,228 --> 00:56:49,698

Well, coach Collins, thank you so much

for being on a prisoner's pardon podcast.

:

00:56:50,283 --> 00:56:52,363

Listeners, thank you for listening.

:

00:56:52,403 --> 00:56:57,913

I'm pretty sure you've gained a lot

of value in this from coach Collins.

:

00:56:58,203 --> 00:57:01,613

You're going to leave here fired up

and you're going to win the game.

:

00:57:01,893 --> 00:57:02,873

The game of life.

:

00:57:03,283 --> 00:57:04,263

Thank you so much.

:

00:57:04,653 --> 00:57:08,303

And may you have a week

filled with blessings.

Chapters

Video

More from YouTube