E63 Life Mastery: From Default to Design - Guest Mark Collins

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Mark Collins Draft 5 - 7:29:24, 12:

your emotions are driven by your

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identity I get into a Issue at work

somebody's getting on my nerves and

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then you have this response of anger

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That's because there's something in

there that's telling you that, this guy's

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disrespecting me he's putting me down.

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But here's the interesting thing.

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The more I understand who I am the

less I allow other people to tell me

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who I am You can tell me I'm an idiot.

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You can tell me I'm a fool You can

tell me I'm not as good as right you

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can try and put me down It doesn't

mean you're not being disrespectful.

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It just means it doesn't have

an impact on who I believe I am

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hello everyone.

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And welcome to a

prisoner's pardon podcast.

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I'm Michi J your host.

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I am so happy to have you here again

with me because you could have been

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doing a lot of other things, but you

took the time to come and listen to

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the show because you understand that

you will get something of value.

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Again, I have a great show today.

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So I want to ask you, have you ever

thought about Where are the men?

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Where are the men at?

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I know we see these forms of men,

but it's like, where are the men?

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Because you can have a man, but

they may be still thinking childish.

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So they really haven't

grown and developed.

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And when you have someone that's

underdeveloped, it can cause problems

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in their family, In the home at

work and just everywhere in every

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relationship so What we're going to

be talking about Today is the identity

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of the man And what is his purpose?

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now today with me is mark collins

Mark is a pastor and he has been

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in ministry over 20 years he's

also a coach, husband, father.

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and author.

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The name of his book is life mastery

book living by Design and not by default.

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he has a black belt a bachelor's

of art and is also a business owner.

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Welcome Mark.

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How you doing?

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I'm doing great.

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Thanks for having me on.

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I'll meet you today.

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That was, uh, uh, Wonderful introduction

and he gave a little bit of my life

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story away, which is, which is fine.

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It's also in my book.

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So, um, wow.

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Why did I write the book?

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You know, the short story is

because I needed the things

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that I had in the book, right?

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For me, it was figuring out a

roadmap of becoming the person

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that I was created to be.

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Right, where are the men at?

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Where's their identity at?

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Well, if you looked at me when I was a

young person, a young man, a teenager

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growing up into adulthood, my identity

was in trying to measure up to my father.

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My dad was a strong man, a

domineering man, but he wasn't

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a dad that was necessarily there

for you as far as emotionally,

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relationally, and all of that.

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And in that place, I always had him as

the picture of who I was trying to be.

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Unfortunately, as they say, right,

you're, you should be an original because

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you're a bad imitation of somebody else.

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Um, and in that case, I couldn't

measure up to him or the

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idea of what it looked like.

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So, uh, trying to figure it out, trying

to see what does it look like to be a man?

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And, and, you know, that thing on

the inside that I think a lot of

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guys have of I'm better than the

life I'm living or that question

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that a lot of us have, right?

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Is this all that I've got?

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Is this everything that I'm

supposed to be walking through?

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And knowing that that wasn't the truth.

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But I didn't know how to get there.

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And you said I was a pastor,

but first I was a Christian.

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And, and before that I was just a guy

out there trying to figure it out.

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So for me, it was personal

development, right?

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Okay.

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So if I believe there's more,

I don't know how to get there.

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I'll go out to the people that are

doing those things who are making

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those, uh, resources, those tools.

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So I went out and grabbed

everything I could.

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The problem was a lot of cases.

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It was kind of that same

cases with my dad, right?

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You look at the person and they

have this amazing, you know,

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whatever they're confident.

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They're they're rich.

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They're wealthy They've got position.

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They've got all these things and

basically the story is well if

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you do the things I do You could

become like me But I knew that I

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wouldn't I wasn't like Tony Robbins.

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I wasn't like Dean Graziosi I wasn't

like Dale Carnegie and all the people

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that I learned from not that their

principles didn't have value But there

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was no transformation in it Right.

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Okay.

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Where are you a pastor at and where

do you live in the country right now?

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Sure.

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Um, thanks for the question.

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I'm in Southern California.

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Our church is authentic community church.

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Um, I'm the associate pastor

there and our senior pastor is a

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pastor, Sean and Amanda Hamilton.

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They do a great job and I

have the opportunity to be

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under their leadership and be.

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Associate pastor at that church.

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Okay, and you're a coach a coach of what

like a basketball team a football team

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What what kind of coach a life coach?

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I Would you could call it a spiritual

coach a life coach a business coach,

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whatever you want to call it It's really

me trying to be a coach and mentor.

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I like the word mentor, but most

folks don't really Resonate with

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that or understand what it means.

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So mostly I just say coach because it's

kind of an easy understanding of oh,

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okay So you're gonna help me get better?

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Okay, and you're a husband.

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You also are a husband.

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How long have you been married?

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33 years Yeah, uh, we've

been married quite a while.

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Okay, you can talk to this then

you you got some longevity here.

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Yeah To the same woman.

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Sorry Same woman with a lot of patience

is which is why we're married 33

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years known each other 35 married 33

Okay, have three kids all adults 125

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140 144 You can remember their ages.

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I can't remember my kids ages.

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Okay, that's pretty good.

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You got good memory All right, and you are

black so far You are a black belt in what?

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Yeah, so I was studying a

martial art called wing chung.

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It's a chinese martial arts.

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So Martial artists In general broken up

into two groups the Japanese or Chinese

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There's Thai martial arts and all sorts.

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I don't want to get into the details

and bore you but yeah So Wing Chun is

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a Chinese martial art that I studied.

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I studied several martial arts and to

be totally honest I studied martial

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arts because my dad I felt was a

tough guy and I thought okay Well,

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if I learn all these things right

the Bruce Lee kind of approach then

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I'm gonna be like my dad again Trying

to be an imitation of somebody.

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I thought was the picture of a man.

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And my dad is certainly a

man, but I'm not him for sure.

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Everybody is different and unique.

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God didn't make everybody the same.

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So you also have a degree.

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What is your degree in?

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Yeah, it's a bachelor of science

and information technology.

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It's basically a computer degree.

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It was again, one of those things I

was going to school when I was younger,

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you know, right out of high school.

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Um, you My dad was in the military.

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The last place he was stationed

was in Utah, uh, retired there.

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So I, I grew up from sixth

grade to high school, going

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into a little bit of college.

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It wasn't the life for me at the time.

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So I actually moved to California

at that time, told people I

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was going to be a rock star.

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Um, wasn't necessarily

working out that way.

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Uh, but as an adult, I, I, it was one

of those goals that I wanted to have.

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Again, it was one of those

things that you're trying to be

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an imitation of somebody else.

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There's those things that you use to

succeed at not because you're good at

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it You're gifted at it or it's something

that you're really driven towards but

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because you're trying to prove something

And so for me with college It was to

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prove that I was smart enough to prove

that I was a guy that could make it

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could finish could complete it Okay.

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All right.

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That was good.

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Um that helps As well as audience

get to know, know you better.

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And this is awesome.

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I really like all the facets of

you because it's going to make

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you very, very interesting.

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So you, you wrote this book.

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I'm like really interested in why

did you name it the way you did?

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Cause you said life mastery book living.

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Design and not default.

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What, what was the, what's

the meaning behind that?

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Yeah, so two, two different things.

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The first is the life mastery part of it.

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There's a scripture, you know, I'm

a, I'm a Christian and a pastor, so

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I'm going to, uh, really the whole

framework for life mastery of the

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book and the course that I have that

I've, you know, walked through with

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different students is scripturally based.

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So there's instructions in the Bible.

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I believe that would give you the ability

to live the life that you're created for.

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That's the whole goal of it.

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There's two goals in the book

and with the course Life Mastery.

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To discover who you're created to be and

live the life that you're created for.

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And so Life Mastery comes

from Genesis 1 where God, Holy

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Spirit, and Jesus were together.

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And he said, let us make man in

our image and in our likeness.

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And let them have dominion over

the fish of the sea, the birds

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of the air, so on and so forth.

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I won't read the whole thing.

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You can go check it out in Genesis 1.

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But that word dominion, right,

can also be translated master.

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And what I understood in the scripture

and what I understood in my own

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journey was, and not by, you know,

fault of anybody, but typically we

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look at scripture, we look at God's

word and we look at the way it's going

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to apply to everything out there.

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And that's absolutely true, right?

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You know, you're going to master,

you're going to have dominion over

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all of the earth and those things.

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You know, I don't want to get into the

scriptural story of it was lost with Adam

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and Eve, but it was regained with Jesus.

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But let's understand the concept.

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It is, it is mastery.

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But the thing is that

God isn't inviting us.

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And giving us the dictate to master

everything around us more so than

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we master ourselves I can't master

my world if I can't master me.

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And so that's where that came from

was that word dominion Um life fight.

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I'm, sorry say that again

because that was key No master.

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I can't master my world if I can't master

myself I can be dominating I can be

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domineering But I can't have dominion

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And so, um, by design or default,

here's the truth of the matter

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that I see in every person I know.

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And I first saw it in myself.

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Most of the time we live our

life by default, which means

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that life happens and I respond.

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Whether it's challenge, it's confusion,

it's relational, you know, fights with

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your wife, it's, it's struggling at

work, it's losing a job, it's trying

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to find a job, it's being, you know,

in a place where you're, you know,

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Cut off in traffic, whatever the

thing is life happens and typically we

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respond even in Christianity, right?

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We have those scriptures we put

in our pocket and we bring them

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out when life is happening.

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I can't pay my bills I mean, these

are all personal stories by the way

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in my past you you're right They say

your your month lasts longer than your

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money And so you're, you're, you're

quoting these scriptures, you know,

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he's made me the head and the tail, you

know, I'm the, um, he has promises and

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plans and purposes for my life, right?

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We, we bring out these scriptures

when life is happening.

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But I believe God called us to live life

by design, which means this, I'm the

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answer to the situations I'm walking into.

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Not me specifically, although I am.

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But Misha J and everything against us.

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And that's like by default and

Satan loves that because that means

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that we're always on the defensive.

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Everybody else who's

listening to this podcast.

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We think that we're just supposed

to defend ourselves when things come

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against us, whether it's struggle,

issue, anger, fear, whatever, but

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God's calling us to live by design,

which means this understanding that.

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I'm the answer that's

going into this situation.

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I'm the response that God has what

he's given me inside of me is what's

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supposed to be the impact for the life

I'm walking into so if I have a challenge

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with a job, well, i'm the person with

answers I'm the person with peace.

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I'm the person with solutions, right if if

i'm having struggles in the relationship

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Well, i'm the person that's reconciling.

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I'm the person bringing vulnerability.

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I'm the person speaking truth and

love And so life by design is the

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life that God has for us So that

we're trained for the battle before it

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happens, not trying to fight it after.

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Right, because then it's too late.

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So, you made a point, I like, okay.

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Your goal is to have people

discover who they are.

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Yeah.

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And what purpose, right?

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And you're like a coach.

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And you just said, Yeah, I do.

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Living life by design rather than default

and you made a great point about instead

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of on a defense so thinking coach wise

How would you I mean just talk about

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that as a coach because we see defense

with football And we see offense.

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So what's your Could you kind of

put it in plain terms and give an

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example of that for us, please?

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Thanks.

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Yeah.

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And let me use my own life.

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Yeah.

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So the things that we talked about, the

accomplishments, all of those things,

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what I tell some people all the time, what

I tell them in my life mastery courses,

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you'll never, so Fear, failure, issues,

struggles with, you know, insecurity,

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they call that imposter syndrome as well.

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Feeling like I'm not qualified

for that job or for that

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relationship or for that business.

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Right?

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Those are all things that are happening.

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Well, it comes from a place

of identity and believing that

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you're a person who, right?

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We either live from our experiences

or we live from who God created

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us to be, what I call identity.

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And so in the place where I'm

living from my experiences,

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I'm using my accomplishments.

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Again, this is my personal story.

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I succeeded at business.

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My wife and I had a business

that we sold for a six figure

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profit, a mid six figure profit.

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The interesting thing was that

fear of failure that I had before

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we started that I struggled with

while we were walking through it.

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I still had when we were done.

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So in that place, what is happening

is you're expecting your outside

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world to make up the difference.

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in your identity.

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If I don't know who I am, I'm expecting

the world to make up the difference.

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If I don't know who I am, I'm expecting

my wife to make up the difference.

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So life mastery versus life by

default, it really comes down to this.

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Am I allowing my experiences, my

past, my hurts, the lies I believed,

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and the things that have been

said about me tell me who I am?

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Or am I allowing God to tell me who I am?

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So life mastery starts with God.

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Identity I tell people this all the time.

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Um, I don't have a tattoo, but if

I did it would say this identity is

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everything Yes, okay Let me explore

this a little bit because you didn't

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mention the term imposter syndrome

we hear that a lot, but for people to

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Understand what you're talking about and

you can correct me It's like imposter

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Syndrome so A person could think that

they shouldn't be there because of some

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experience or something like that, that

they feel that they shouldn't be there.

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That's living it by experience, but by

design, if you know that you're purposely

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supposed, if you know your purpose, you

know, you're supposed to be there and you

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will approach things differently because.

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You are there, but if the person doesn't

know their identity Don't have a Driver's

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license or can prove who they are You're

saying that they can miss things because

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they don't have the proper identity They

are not going places where they should

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be or just knowing who they are Just

you know, I'm trying to break it down

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so we can understand it practically You

in our lives because you, because you

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didn't know who you were, you had fear.

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Yep, absolutely.

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Yeah.

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And for me, it was fear of

failure and the fear of failure.

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You're asking really

great questions, Misha J.

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I appreciate that.

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Fear of failure is really, for me, it

was, it was, An identity statement and

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it's the same with anything, right?

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If you've had relationships where there

were struggles and they didn't work out,

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you get into a new relationship and,

and you're getting into a fight, right?

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You're getting a little bit heated

or something's going on there.

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Now, all of a sudden, it, it, it.

314

: 00:16:43

I don't know anybody who's not like this,

so I'm just going to say with everybody

315

: 00:16:46

you're, you're already understanding

where this is going because your past

316

: 00:16:49

experiences show you don't logically think

that, but you have those emotions of, you

317

: 00:16:54

know, that, that fear and that worry and

that confusion because you know that my

318

: 00:16:58

past relationships haven't worked out.

319

: 00:17:00

So this one isn't either.

320

: 00:17:01

And so imposter syndrome is

really not believing that you're

321

: 00:17:05

qualified to be where you're at.

322

: 00:17:07

In relationship and business

and job, whatever, right?

323

: 00:17:10

In podcasting, we should say, right?

324

: 00:17:11

Like with you and I, it doesn't

mean that you won't succeed.

325

: 00:17:14

And that's the interesting thing.

326

: 00:17:15

I know people have great success

and I have testimonies of guys

327

: 00:17:19

in our course and women as well.

328

: 00:17:21

It's not that they don't succeed.

329

: 00:17:23

It's that in their success, there's

no joy because what they're fighting

330

: 00:17:27

against is the belief that they're

a failure waiting to happen.

331

: 00:17:30

So even when they do succeed,

there's always this word of,

332

: 00:17:33

Oh, well this time, right?

333

: 00:17:34

. Mm-Hmm.

334

: 00:17:35

, right?

335

: 00:17:35

Mm-Hmm.

336

: 00:17:35

. You get through a relational

issue with your spouse, your

337

: 00:17:38

girlfriend, boyfriend, whatever.

338

: 00:17:39

Mm-Hmm.

339

: 00:17:40

. And, and, oh, okay, well it worked

out this time, but watch out.

340

: 00:17:42

It was luck.

341

: 00:17:43

Right?

342

: 00:17:43

The, the next one could be the last one.

343

: 00:17:44

Exactly.

344

: 00:17:45

It is something like, oh, you

just lucky that you got there.

345

: 00:17:48

Oh, okay.

346

: 00:17:49

Exactly.

347

: 00:17:50

You, you really, you breaking it

down for us, um, to understand

348

: 00:17:54

what you're talking about.

349

: 00:17:55

So this, um, if we don't get past

this fear, we can't move forward.

350

: 00:18:03

Because we is starting from

not knowing our identity.

351

: 00:18:07

We were having this fear.

352

: 00:18:10

Oh, that's why now I remember my question.

353

: 00:18:14

I have I was having a

senior moment experience.

354

: 00:18:18

What's the value of that experience?

355

: 00:18:22

In your when your thoughts because

356

: 00:18:27

you have both everybody have experience,

but what's the necessity of it?

357

: 00:18:31

What's the value?

358

: 00:18:33

of having that experience.

359

: 00:18:35

That's a great question.

360

: 00:18:36

So, in the course, and actually I think

I read about it in general, I look at

361

: 00:18:42

the book as being kind of the quick

start guide to a life mastery journey.

362

: 00:18:45

And so all of the details that are

in the course and the things that we

363

: 00:18:48

train and teach aren't necessarily

in there, so this may be new

364

: 00:18:50

knowledge for anybody who's read it.

365

: 00:18:52

Um, so there's, there's, I call

them four pillars of life mastery.

366

: 00:18:57

Um, identity, experience,

meaning, and emotion.

367

: 00:19:00

Identity?

368

: 00:19:02

Experience.

369

: 00:19:03

And emotion.

370

: 00:19:06

And so you start with identity.

371

: 00:19:09

So you either live your life through

identity, who I'm created to be,

372

: 00:19:12

or you live your life with your

experiences telling you who you are.

373

: 00:19:15

It's like that phrase

that people say, right?

374

: 00:19:17

If you don't know who you are, don't

worry, the world will tell you.

375

: 00:19:20

And unfortunately, that's the truth.

376

: 00:19:22

It'll tell you through marketing,

it'll tell you through social media,

377

: 00:19:26

it'll tell you through um, The people

around you or the life that you

378

: 00:19:30

have or the success they have, but

I don't so I'm not as good as right.

379

: 00:19:34

It's those things that

we all struggle with.

380

: 00:19:35

So experience is an experience.

381

: 00:19:37

So for my own life, my, you

know, I'm just to kind of let

382

: 00:19:41

you in a little bit on my life.

383

: 00:19:42

My mom passed away two months ago.

384

: 00:19:44

Oh, I'm so sorry.

385

: 00:19:46

I appreciate that.

386

: 00:19:47

Um, it was an extended kind of

time of her health failing and

387

: 00:19:51

she, I, I live in California.

388

: 00:19:52

She lives in Hawaii.

389

: 00:19:53

So it was a, it was a bit of

a struggle during that time.

390

: 00:19:56

First off, obviously, cause you have

a parent who's passing and you kind of

391

: 00:19:59

know it, but you don't know when and to

trying to kind of navigate through, you

392

: 00:20:03

know, I'm not, I'm not a wealthy man.

393

: 00:20:05

So going to Hawaii isn't

something I can do every week.

394

: 00:20:08

So to figure out timing in, in the

relationship with family, I was, I was

395

: 00:20:12

with a friend, a Actually, my brother in

law and my mom had passed and we were in

396

: 00:20:17

the, in her little home when she passed

away and we stepped out of the bedroom.

397

: 00:20:22

I was talking to him and, you

know, obviously there's the emotion

398

: 00:20:24

of the situation and he said

something that was interesting.

399

: 00:20:27

He said, you know,

sometimes life is horrible.

400

: 00:20:32

And my response to him was, you know, life

isn't horrible, but this circumstance is.

401

: 00:20:39

And so there's a difference.

402

: 00:20:40

And so the difference in an experience

that empowers you to move forward and

403

: 00:20:44

one that holds you back really is in

the meaning that you give it, right?

404

: 00:20:47

Identity, experience, meaning and emotion.

405

: 00:20:49

So life happens to everybody.

406

: 00:20:53

Great success, decent

day, horrible day, right?

407

: 00:20:57

We all have experiences that we can

say this was the worst day or the

408

: 00:21:00

worst experience I walked through.

409

: 00:21:02

But the difference is in being able

to move forward from that experience.

410

: 00:21:06

Or have it be an anchor that holds you

back the rest of your life Maybe you know

411

: 00:21:09

people I unfortunately know people in my

life that they've experienced loss and

412

: 00:21:15

They're still talking about that loss.

413

: 00:21:18

It's still a cloud hanging over their

head years later The experience isn't the

414

: 00:21:22

issue because good and bad and challenges

will happen right right in this world

415

: 00:21:27

You will have trouble Jesus said the

difference is what meaning do I give it?

416

: 00:21:32

See for myself I was fully there and,

I mean, I'll tell you the honest truth,

417

: 00:21:36

I was crying every day the last five

days as I spent that time with my mom.

418

: 00:21:40

Because there was a loss that

was coming and you could start,

419

: 00:21:43

you know, you walk through it.

420

: 00:21:44

I don't need to go into details.

421

: 00:21:45

But, that experience isn't who I am.

422

: 00:21:50

It doesn't mean I love my mom less.

423

: 00:21:52

It just means I understand, hey, I

have a good life and a good place and

424

: 00:21:55

frankly, it's a, answer to prayer to

be able to be here with her at this

425

: 00:22:00

time, even though at the same time,

it's a crushing experience for us.

426

: 00:22:05

So it's not the experience that

matters, but the meaning you take

427

: 00:22:08

from it in the most cases, right?

428

: 00:22:10

Like when I, you know, we succeeded

at our fourth business, which

429

: 00:22:14

means that the first three didn't.

430

: 00:22:17

Okay.

431

: 00:22:17

So the experience of losing our business

or failing and it costing money and

432

: 00:22:22

putting us in a financial struggle, right?

433

: 00:22:25

That's, that's a Business failure.

434

: 00:22:29

The problem is a lot of times

we think it's an us failure.

435

: 00:22:32

Your relationship doesn't work out.

436

: 00:22:34

You get a divorce.

437

: 00:22:34

You, you, that relationship you've had for

years or for a few weeks doesn't work out.

438

: 00:22:39

The relationship didn't work

out, but sometimes we think,

439

: 00:22:43

well, that means I'm not lovable.

440

: 00:22:45

I'm not somebody of value.

441

: 00:22:46

I'm not somebody of worth that,

that deserves a relationship.

442

: 00:22:49

It's not the experience.

443

: 00:22:50

It's the meaning I take from it.

444

: 00:22:52

And the meaning I take from it will always

be in alignment with who I believe I am.

445

: 00:22:56

That's key what you say, said.

446

: 00:22:58

Could you say that again?

447

: 00:23:00

The, the meaning I take from

my experience will always be in

448

: 00:23:03

alignment with who I believe I am.

449

: 00:23:05

So if I believe I'm a failure and

I, and my business doesn't work

450

: 00:23:08

out, oh well I just proved it right.

451

: 00:23:10

If I believe that I'm a person that's

meant for success and impact in the

452

: 00:23:14

world, well then that's just something

to walk through, an experience to walk

453

: 00:23:18

through to get to that next stage.

454

: 00:23:20

It all depends, I mean it

all comes back to identity.

455

: 00:23:22

Identity is everything.

456

: 00:23:23

Who you believe you are, you'll see

walked out in every area of your life.

457

: 00:23:29

Okay, that is very key.

458

: 00:23:32

I really like that, that you kind of

expose that and make it plain to see.

459

: 00:23:42

This is especially good for men who

have gone to prison and They're out now.

460

: 00:23:48

Maybe some are still in some are in

spiritual prisons, you know, because

461

: 00:23:53

it does start in a mind first but in

experience because Again, a lot of

462

: 00:24:00

people in my audience have been in jail.

463

: 00:24:03

Hey Do have an ID Problem we we see

it somewhat to when they come out.

464

: 00:24:12

They can't it's hard for them to get

their ID, you know and The most important

465

: 00:24:18

ID they need to have is their identity

in what you're talking about now and

466

: 00:24:27

you're trying to help them get the real

ID they need and your book is equipping

467

: 00:24:36

men and women can pick up this book too

and learn as well because we suffer from

468

: 00:24:42

that as well and um so Can you speak from?

469

: 00:24:49

Yeah, it's experience because sometimes

experience make you be Emotional

470

: 00:24:54

it's nothing Wrong with emotion.

471

: 00:24:57

So because emotion can kind of Drive you

kind of motivate you It what is but it's

472

: 00:25:05

like what is it motivating you to do?

473

: 00:25:07

Is it motivating you to stop?

474

: 00:25:09

Yep breeze so You're coaching people

through this And you're showing them

475

: 00:25:17

who they are and their experiences.

476

: 00:25:20

And then you went into, I

think I jumped ahead of you.

477

: 00:25:23

You said the meaning, cause you

were talking about the meaning.

478

: 00:25:26

Cause you said the four pillars are what

ID experience, meaning, and emotion.

479

: 00:25:33

Yep.

480

: 00:25:33

And the interesting thing is in most

personal development programs, they always

481

: 00:25:36

start with the last one, which is emotion.

482

: 00:25:39

And I always make it

last because it's the,

483

: 00:25:43

it's, it's the one that, If you

change the first three, the last

484

: 00:25:47

one will fall in line, meaning this.

485

: 00:25:50

So, um, my, my mom, my

mom passed away, right?

486

: 00:25:55

Or, or let's do this.

487

: 00:25:56

I lost, you know, our, we had

some businesses that failed,

488

: 00:25:59

cost us hugely financially.

489

: 00:26:01

We were at the point of bankruptcy.

490

: 00:26:04

Right?

491

: 00:26:04

So that's an experience

that we walked through.

492

: 00:26:06

The meaning, if it's an

empowering meaning, I call them

493

: 00:26:08

disempowering or empowering.

494

: 00:26:09

Empowering is.

495

: 00:26:11

Okay, we learned from that.

496

: 00:26:12

Now I won't make that mistake again,

but I've learned things that I

497

: 00:26:14

can take into the next experience.

498

: 00:26:16

It doesn't mean I'm not supposed

to be this person or do this thing.

499

: 00:26:19

It just means that this is

part of the going to school.

500

: 00:26:22

This is part of the learning.

501

: 00:26:24

So if I take that meaning, then what

am I feeling when I come out of it?

502

: 00:26:27

I'm feeling confident.

503

: 00:26:29

I'm feeling assured.

504

: 00:26:30

I'm feeling, you know, in line with

what I'm doing, but if I go through that

505

: 00:26:34

same experience, business fails, we're

struggling financially month to month.

506

: 00:26:38

Now, all of a sudden, the

meaning is I'm a failure.

507

: 00:26:42

That's because of me.

508

: 00:26:43

I've blown it.

509

: 00:26:44

I'm never going to succeed.

510

: 00:26:45

Well, what emotion do

you have off of that?

511

: 00:26:47

I have shame.

512

: 00:26:48

I have regret.

513

: 00:26:49

I have embarrassment.

514

: 00:26:51

What I tell people is this.

515

: 00:26:53

Your emotion is the only honest

thing in the conversation.

516

: 00:26:56

Because if I was on a mountaintop or

I was on the roof of a tall building

517

: 00:27:01

and I was right at the edge, well,

fear would be an appropriate emotion.

518

: 00:27:07

But if I'm in a relationship with

my, my, my wife, Misha Jay, and we're

519

: 00:27:11

in a fight, me being afraid that

we're gonna get a divorce, is that an

520

: 00:27:17

empowering or disempowering emotion?

521

: 00:27:18

It's a disempowering one.

522

: 00:27:20

So if I can walk back to the whole

experience, if I understand who I'm

523

: 00:27:24

created to be, I'm a person that's

got value and impact in the world.

524

: 00:27:27

Yeah, but something happened.

525

: 00:27:29

And you know, for some of your

listeners, I went to jail, I made some

526

: 00:27:33

wrong choices, I did some things that

caused me to go into the system, right?

527

: 00:27:37

But if I know who I am a person of value

and worth, okay, well, that was a mistake.

528

: 00:27:41

I recognize the mistake.

529

: 00:27:43

You know, I, I, I, I create the

consequence that I need to walk

530

: 00:27:47

through, but the meaning of it is

this is an experience for me to walk

531

: 00:27:51

through to understand who I'm not going

to be and what I'm not going to do.

532

: 00:27:54

Now, all of a sudden, the emotion

that you have going into it is I'm

533

: 00:27:57

a person of confidence and worth.

534

: 00:27:58

It's really me telling my world who

I am versus my world telling me.

535

: 00:28:02

So, again, it's who

536

: 00:28:07

you're allowing the world to

tell you who you are, which is.

537

: 00:28:11

The default, right?

538

: 00:28:13

You're right For all of

us not just some of us.

539

: 00:28:16

So anybody out there

saying oh, it's only me.

540

: 00:28:18

No, it's not you I wrote a whole book

because I was a guy in that place,

541

: 00:28:22

but wanted to have a roadmap I wanted

to have a blueprint to become the

542

: 00:28:25

person that was created to be not what

the world said I was So I like this.

543

: 00:28:33

Um, this is very very good and you

Walking through this You just left us

544

: 00:28:41

the recipe in your book and just follow

the steps that you laid out so we don't

545

: 00:28:47

have to reinvent the wheel, right?

546

: 00:28:49

You've done it.

547

: 00:28:50

I want to live off your experience.

548

: 00:28:52

I don't want to have to

go through it myself.

549

: 00:28:54

If I, if somebody else has been there

and actually took the time to write

550

: 00:29:00

about it, like yourself, to tell you

how to get out, um, get the best of it.

551

: 00:29:06

So, all of this.

552

: 00:29:08

Again, you said identity,

which you went through the

553

: 00:29:11

experience, meaning and emotion.

554

: 00:29:14

I love how you said it's the last

thing in the most honest thing.

555

: 00:29:19

And because it's feeding off whatever

you, your identity, your identity is, it's

556

: 00:29:25

feeding off whatever your experience is.

557

: 00:29:28

And it's feeding off what

meaning did you take from it?

558

: 00:29:32

And that's how you're going to emote.

559

: 00:29:34

You're going to show your emotions.

560

: 00:29:37

And you cannot hide that.

561

: 00:29:40

And that's a great point.

562

: 00:29:41

So all of this is what part of

the image, if this part of the

563

: 00:29:46

image of a person, this is the

life that everybody goes through.

564

: 00:29:51

So my life is fully encompassing

in who I'm created to be or

565

: 00:29:54

who I believe I am identity.

566

: 00:29:56

The experiences I walked through,

the meanings I put through it

567

: 00:29:59

and the emotions that I have.

568

: 00:30:01

And so this is kind of a snapshot

of what life looks like lived out.

569

: 00:30:05

And I put it in that place as

the four pillars of life mastery,

570

: 00:30:08

because it's also the same.

571

: 00:30:10

Four pillars of life, what I call life

management or living life by default.

572

: 00:30:15

The problem is we start

with the emotion, right?

573

: 00:30:18

Allowing our experiences

to tell us who I am.

574

: 00:30:20

The meaning tells me that I'm not

good enough and the emotions follow.

575

: 00:30:23

So I get angry.

576

: 00:30:24

So I have control.

577

: 00:30:24

So I have fear of failure.

578

: 00:30:26

So I have imposter syndrome.

579

: 00:30:27

So I have insecurity.

580

: 00:30:28

I feel like I'm not good anywhere.

581

: 00:30:30

And you know, I'm just waiting for

the next thing to fail in my life.

582

: 00:30:34

So are you saying when people?

583

: 00:30:38

lash out or have this anger.

584

: 00:30:41

You're saying that their experiences

what meaning they put to that in who they

585

: 00:30:49

think they are is driving that is it?

586

: 00:30:53

Yeah, if you want to get really deep into

what we talked about in the chorus, right?

587

: 00:30:58

You're just a little bit just

a little bit your emotions.

588

: 00:31:01

Your emotions are always a

response to your experience.

589

: 00:31:06

Right, but your emotions are driven by

your identity again, so I get into a Issue

590

: 00:31:13

at work somebody's you know, we're not in

agreement with stuff, you know He's kind

591

: 00:31:17

of getting on my nerves or I'm getting on

his nerves or whatever And and then you

592

: 00:31:22

have this response of anger you have this

response of hatred or whatever, right?

593

: 00:31:27

And that's because there's something

in there that's telling you that, you

594

: 00:31:30

know, there's this guy's disrespecting

me He's he's doing something that's

595

: 00:31:34

you know, he's putting me down.

596

: 00:31:36

He's doing this or that or the other

But here's the interesting thing.

597

: 00:31:39

The more I understand who I am

the the less I allow other people

598

: 00:31:42

to tell me Which means is if I'm

walking into a circumstance in a

599

: 00:31:46

situation and I'm confident in who

I am You can tell me I'm an idiot.

600

: 00:31:49

You can tell me I'm a fool You can

tell me I'm not as good as right you

601

: 00:31:53

can try and put me down It doesn't

mean you're not being disrespectful.

602

: 00:31:57

It just means it doesn't have

an impact on who I believe I am.

603

: 00:31:59

But when I don't believe who I am,

when I'm feeling like, uh, you know,

604

: 00:32:04

I'm not getting respect, right?

605

: 00:32:05

That kind of identity issue where

you, you feel like you're not

606

: 00:32:08

somebody as good as everybody else.

607

: 00:32:09

Again, I'm talking from

personal experience.

608

: 00:32:12

Now, all of a sudden my response is anger

because you've hit a nerve, so to speak.

609

: 00:32:16

You've hit an area where I feel

vulnerable because while I try on the

610

: 00:32:20

outside portray that I don't believe

it on the inside, I kind of do.

611

: 00:32:24

But I'm telling you what, when you walk

in knowing who you're creating, you're

612

: 00:32:27

not in arrogance, because none of this

comes from me believing I'm all that.

613

: 00:32:31

It all comes from, I know God's

made me specifically, just

614

: 00:32:34

like he's made everybody else.

615

: 00:32:36

And the more I align with who

he's created me to be, the more

616

: 00:32:39

I'm walking in confident in that.

617

: 00:32:41

The great example is Jesus, right?

618

: 00:32:44

Whether it was the devil or the

religious teachers or anybody around

619

: 00:32:48

him, everybody was trying to put

him in the mold of who they believed

620

: 00:32:51

the Savior was supposed to be.

621

: 00:32:53

None of it impacted him If people

were angry if people left him because

622

: 00:32:58

of some of the words he said if

they tried to persecute him Right.

623

: 00:33:01

All he had to do was change Who he was

right so we get that's where I was going

624

: 00:33:07

a little bit with the image We're we're

actually creating in his image and he's

625

: 00:33:12

an example for us if I know who I am

going into it All of the noise from the

626

: 00:33:16

outside has no impact and allow other

people to tell him that and everything

627

: 00:33:20

would have been cool Supposedly, but

jesus knows who he is He's the model um,

628

: 00:33:27

so to speak and where we should be trying

to imitate and you Have really crafted.

629

: 00:33:38

Yeah a good tool here for people

to use again You The name of

630

: 00:33:45

Mark's book is Life Mastery Living

Life by Design Not by Default.

631

: 00:33:50

Wow we can relate to that because

It's like you are now getting in

632

: 00:33:57

the driver's seat rather than being

driven You're actually getting in

633

: 00:34:03

the driver's seat where you belong

and that's where our men belong.

634

: 00:34:08

So what is okay now that Once they

Read this book, get this information.

635

: 00:34:18

What is some of the impacts you

think they will see in their life?

636

: 00:34:22

Like describe some of the impacts

that you've seen in your own life

637

: 00:34:26

because you've mastered this.

638

: 00:34:30

That's a great question.

639

: 00:34:31

Thank you for saying Misha J.

640

: 00:34:33

First, so there's a few things.

641

: 00:34:35

One is I believe that every man

has an impact in the world that

642

: 00:34:38

you're you're called and created.

643

: 00:34:39

Thank you.

644

: 00:34:40

For an impact that's

yours and yours alone.

645

: 00:34:42

And I'm not just saying it because I'm

trying to pump people up or because

646

: 00:34:45

I believe that about my own life.

647

: 00:34:46

I see it all over the word of God.

648

: 00:34:48

I see it all over scripture.

649

: 00:34:50

It's really interesting

in, in, in the word of God.

650

: 00:34:53

When you talk, see a man or a woman

in, in a multitude of cases, God

651

: 00:34:58

would come and tell them who they are.

652

: 00:34:59

And then he would tell them that the,

the thing that is theirs, their, their

653

: 00:35:03

journey, their purpose, the thing that

he's called them to have an impact with.

654

: 00:35:07

But he always started with

who they were created to be.

655

: 00:35:09

He didn't start with, if you

do this thing, then you'll

656

: 00:35:11

become somebody of importance.

657

: 00:35:13

He said, you're a person

of value and worth.

658

: 00:35:15

You're a great man of valor.

659

: 00:35:16

And this is what you're

going to do with it.

660

: 00:35:18

Even when in every case that I remember,

they didn't know that about themselves.

661

: 00:35:26

And so for us, identity starts with.

662

: 00:35:29

Who does God say you are and then who

do you say you are and in that place

663

: 00:35:33

you can start to become that person And

so for me again, I've had success in

664

: 00:35:37

different areas of my life And even if

you haven't here's the sameness about

665

: 00:35:41

all of us Whether you're successful or

not in the things that you're doing those

666

: 00:35:45

fears that we have are all the same those

feelings of wanting to be valued as a

667

: 00:35:49

man and And you know hoping for your

world to show you the difference that

668

: 00:35:53

you don't have on the inside You Right.

669

: 00:35:56

If I don't know who I am, the world

has to make up the difference.

670

: 00:35:59

So you have to respect me.

671

: 00:36:00

So you have to, you know, give me

whatever that wealth, that power,

672

: 00:36:03

that prestige, that position.

673

: 00:36:05

All the things we use as

substitutes for identity.

674

: 00:36:08

So in my own life, the honest

truth is, Misha J., there's a

675

: 00:36:11

couple of things that happened.

676

: 00:36:12

The first one is I started showing up as

a guy that I thought I was created to be.

677

: 00:36:17

I started to see him lived out.

678

: 00:36:20

So I wasn't getting angry

when things were happening.

679

: 00:36:22

I wasn't having struggles with my wife

because our business wasn't going well.

680

: 00:36:25

The outside world wasn't

dictating my inside value.

681

: 00:36:29

My inside value was dictating

what happened in the world.

682

: 00:36:33

It doesn't mean everything's perfect.

683

: 00:36:35

And you know, I won the

lottery and everything's great.

684

: 00:36:37

But what it does mean is That fear

didn't follow me in everything I did.

685

: 00:36:43

Anger wasn't my first response to

everything I was coming against.

686

: 00:36:46

Really because, you know,

I'm just going to be honest.

687

: 00:36:50

Anger is really just a great

arrow pointing to insecurity.

688

: 00:36:54

Anger is never the emotion.

689

: 00:36:55

So when they tell you, again, most

personal development programs, they

690

: 00:36:58

talk about managing your emotions.

691

: 00:37:00

Which is foolish because you'll

always be managing them if

692

: 00:37:03

you're only going to stay there.

693

: 00:37:05

But here's the truth.

694

: 00:37:06

When I understood who I was created

to be and I started walking through

695

: 00:37:09

identity, my thoughts of who I am were

aligning with who God says I am, now all

696

: 00:37:15

of a sudden stress wasn't there, worry

wasn't there at the highest levels.

697

: 00:37:19

So not only was I able to accomplish

stuff, but I actually was able to

698

: 00:37:24

enjoy it because I wasn't worried that

at any minute it's gonna fall apart.

699

: 00:37:29

I tell people this, and so life mastery

is the tool, freedom is the goal.

700

: 00:37:34

And where freedom comes from

is where Jesus said, He who the

701

: 00:37:37

sun sets free is free indeed.

702

: 00:37:40

It is absolutely a salvation message.

703

: 00:37:41

So I'm not trying to take away from

the fact that, okay, Jesus died

704

: 00:37:44

for our sins, and that's a freedom

that he has, freedom against the

705

: 00:37:47

impact and the influence of sin.

706

: 00:37:50

But there's a lifestyle side of

it that he was also talking about.

707

: 00:37:53

Freedom looks like something lived out.

708

: 00:37:55

It looks like somebody a man walking in

confidence It looks like a man willing

709

: 00:37:59

to to be vulnerable in his relationships

because he's not afraid that he has to

710

: 00:38:03

guard against being hurt It's a man who

has an impact in the world and believes

711

: 00:38:07

that there's more for him not guy What

I call him in my course and what I talk

712

: 00:38:12

about with the guys that I coach is we're

heroes in hiding love that There's a

713

: 00:38:17

there's a hero on the inside that isn't

coming out So it's not just me feeling

714

: 00:38:22

good for me You It's me being able to

invest in the world and the impact God

715

: 00:38:26

has through me because I know who I am.

716

: 00:38:29

And so I tell guys this all the time.

717

: 00:38:31

I say, living from a place of freedom

is the easiest thing you can do.

718

: 00:38:35

It's literally me just living

from who I'm created to be.

719

: 00:38:38

It's, it's effortless with work.

720

: 00:38:40

Meaning, you know, I still have to work

to get things accomplished like this

721

: 00:38:43

podcast, like my ministry and all of that.

722

: 00:38:46

But I'm not struggling.

723

: 00:38:48

I'm not striving.

724

: 00:38:49

I'm not, you know,

stressed out because of it.

725

: 00:38:53

Living from a place of freedom

is the easiest thing you can do.

726

: 00:38:55

Living apart from freedom is tough.

727

: 00:38:58

And that's how most of us are living.

728

: 00:39:00

Right.

729

: 00:39:02

Thank you for that.

730

: 00:39:03

So

731

: 00:39:06

one thing you said, correct me

if I'm misinterpreting this, is

732

: 00:39:13

making The difference trying to

have the world World have to make

733

: 00:39:19

up the difference having the world

have to make up the difference when

734

: 00:39:23

You actually should be making the

difference not the world, right?

735

: 00:39:31

Yeah, so Hmm So we you talked about so

so if I don't What I said was if I if

736

: 00:39:39

you don't know who you are the world has

to make up the difference Which means

737

: 00:39:42

with my relationship with my wife, if,

if I don't feel secure in who I am, if I

738

: 00:39:46

don't, I'm not confident that I'm a person

of worth and value worthy to be loved.

739

: 00:39:51

If I feel like I'm insecure and my

relationships haven't worked out, so

740

: 00:39:54

maybe this one won't work out either.

741

: 00:39:56

Well, then what I require from her,

I don't say it, but what I require

742

: 00:39:59

from her is, okay, then you need to,

you need to always treat me nicely.

743

: 00:40:03

You need to not get angry.

744

: 00:40:04

You need to validate me.

745

: 00:40:06

Exactly.

746

: 00:40:07

Because I don't believe who I am.

747

: 00:40:08

So again, you have to

make up the difference.

748

: 00:40:10

But when I know who I am now, I tell

people, My, my marriage is a benefit.

749

: 00:40:17

It's not a requirement.

750

: 00:40:19

It's my wife is a benefit to my

life and she makes my life better.

751

: 00:40:22

She's not a requirement

for me to be okay with me.

752

: 00:40:26

I like that.

753

: 00:40:26

It's that is a key thing.

754

: 00:40:29

So first it starts with the

individual you getting the ID.

755

: 00:40:38

Which then goes into every relationship

you have because then you went from

756

: 00:40:44

You were in a relationship with your

wife, and it's you two, so if you let

757

: 00:40:51

the world dictate how you all should

interact versus what the model of

758

: 00:40:59

what the Bible says and what God says

because he created you, it's gonna be

759

: 00:41:05

totally two different things, right?

760

: 00:41:08

Yep.

761

: 00:41:09

Yeah, absolutely.

762

: 00:41:10

And you showed.

763

: 00:41:12

How it started impacting you as a

husband with your wife You stopped being

764

: 00:41:19

a probably annoyed with some things

before You know, i've seen things.

765

: 00:41:23

No, exactly No, you're absolutely

right because again those emotions

766

: 00:41:29

are going to be on the surface right

if i'm If I don't understand who I am

767

: 00:41:33

if I don't understand who god created

me to be right then anything that's

768

: 00:41:36

happening at work Um I'm gonna take home

anything that happened on the street.

769

: 00:41:40

I'm gonna take home anything that

happens with my neighbors I'm gonna

770

: 00:41:43

take home right you can't we as men

try to compartmentalize our life.

771

: 00:41:47

We think we can So right, you know if

work is horrible or I don't have a job

772

: 00:41:51

and so this is that but I'm gonna be

an angel At home, that's never the case

773

: 00:41:55

because it bleeds over into every area

of your life And so my marriage is better

774

: 00:42:00

because I'm better My job is better

because I'm better because you're making

775

: 00:42:04

the difference in that world exactly

because I'm walking in who I'm created

776

: 00:42:08

to be God made us to walk like that.

777

: 00:42:10

It's only satan that tries

to get us to stop right?

778

: 00:42:14

so If you you're making the difference

and you're going to start seeing the

779

: 00:42:20

fruit of it and What you're saying that

you can't really manage that Because

780

: 00:42:27

when that's what they were trying to do

when they try to When you said that if

781

: 00:42:33

something happened at work, I'm gonna

keep that at work and I'm gonna come

782

: 00:42:37

home and I'm gonna be somebody else.

783

: 00:42:39

You're trying to actually manage that by

keeping it over there and it's actually

784

: 00:42:44

you, it's right, you bringing it with you.

785

: 00:42:48

You can't leave it because it's a part

of you, a part of your experience now.

786

: 00:42:54

Going back to your four pillars.

787

: 00:43:01

And that you're absolutely right.

788

: 00:43:03

Okay.

789

: 00:43:04

And here's the thing.

790

: 00:43:05

Also, I'm either bringing it home

because I'm going to lash out.

791

: 00:43:09

I'm going to be angry.

792

: 00:43:10

I'm going to be short

tempered or whatever.

793

: 00:43:12

Or I'm bringing it home because

I'm going to be shut down.

794

: 00:43:15

So you guys think that me being able to

be a good husband is I'm not letting you

795

: 00:43:20

into those areas that I'm struggling with.

796

: 00:43:21

I'm striving with or I'm

having issues with that.

797

: 00:43:25

Well, that's a great way to

have a superficial marriage.

798

: 00:43:28

Because now your wife doesn't even

know who you are because you're not

799

: 00:43:30

allowing her to it doesn't mean i'm

weak It just means i'm honest Right,

800

: 00:43:36

my wife my wife and I walked through

my mom's passing I didn't act like it

801

: 00:43:40

didn't bother me because that's what

a man is supposed to be That's just a

802

: 00:43:42

lie from the pit of hell say it again.

803

: 00:43:45

I let her know that this is a

tragic time and i'm hurting in that

804

: 00:43:49

That doesn't mean I'm not strong.

805

: 00:43:50

It just means I'm actually emotionally

relevant in my relationship

806

: 00:43:54

Sometimes we're emotionally

irrelevant because we think that's

807

: 00:43:56

what it looks like to be a man.

808

: 00:43:58

Oh, no, I'm not gonna you know

those You know, I'm not gonna cry.

809

: 00:44:00

I'm not gonna act like something hurts me.

810

: 00:44:02

Well, then you're not a lot like Jesus

so actually when you said you're they

811

: 00:44:08

think you're not a man and So they got

the wrong image of what a man should be

812

: 00:44:15

wrong imagination, the way he's thinking.

813

: 00:44:22

And it's, you know, I'm an older guy,

so I remember this picture, so I'll

814

: 00:44:26

give a picture of what it looks like.

815

: 00:44:28

I don't know if you've ever seen a cartoon

of a, of a guy that's a bodybuilder.

816

: 00:44:31

Right?

817

: 00:44:31

He's, he's super huge, big

arms, big chest and all that.

818

: 00:44:35

And then you look below the waist

and his legs are like toothpicks.

819

: 00:44:38

Right?

820

: 00:44:40

Yeah.

821

: 00:44:41

We've got that phrase that guys used to

needle each other, don't forget leg day.

822

: 00:44:45

Well, that's in a relationship.

823

: 00:44:48

That's exactly what we look like

sometimes because on the top, right?

824

: 00:44:52

The provider, the man of strength,

the, you know, the person who's

825

: 00:44:56

the, the protector in the household,

that's kind of that upper body.

826

: 00:45:00

And then the emotional stuff of actually

being vulnerable and available, actually

827

: 00:45:03

being able to say when you're hurting

and walking through it, actually

828

: 00:45:07

being able to have a conversation

with the guy getting angry, right?

829

: 00:45:09

That's the emotional side.

830

: 00:45:11

Right.

831

: 00:45:11

That looks like toothpicks

on that bodybuilder.

832

: 00:45:14

God doesn't call us to be half developed.

833

: 00:45:17

He calls us to be developed.

834

: 00:45:18

And so I it's one of the things I

wrote in one of my newsletters to my

835

: 00:45:23

guys was they don't forget leg day.

836

: 00:45:29

Incredible.

837

: 00:45:29

I love that analogy and going

into my last question right now.

838

: 00:45:36

Um, in relationships.

839

: 00:45:41

And even with yourself, because people,

we have these voices sometimes that

840

: 00:45:45

tell us, um, wrong things that we, you

know, we are believing wrong things.

841

: 00:45:53

And I've seen many relationships,

not, you know, not all, but where the

842

: 00:46:00

people closest to you can get some

good shots in and Unknowingly, they

843

: 00:46:10

don't understand they're, they're,

um, actually tearing down the person

844

: 00:46:14

with words and things like that.

845

: 00:46:17

Um, where, what would you have as a coach?

846

: 00:46:21

Yeah.

847

: 00:46:23

Because we, we do have wives and we do

have men at times using their strengths

848

: 00:46:30

inappropriately and, and the women

using their strengths inappropriately.

849

: 00:46:37

Um, And tearing down their own

house and tearing down men.

850

: 00:46:43

And that's one of the reasons why our

men are not having the strength they are

851

: 00:46:52

needing to have and not being the heroes,

like you said, who they were made to be.

852

: 00:46:59

What is it, what is it they

can do as a man if they got,

853

: 00:47:05

they're in a relationship?

854

: 00:47:08

You know, that they, a wife,

like a girlfriend, you could

855

: 00:47:11

probably, probably ditch her.

856

: 00:47:13

You know, if you, unless she's worth

saving, I don't, I don't know, it's

857

: 00:47:17

probably not for you to save her.

858

: 00:47:18

I don't know.

859

: 00:47:19

That's questionable.

860

: 00:47:20

We won't digress over there.

861

: 00:47:21

But if they're in a relationship,

like a marriage or something,

862

: 00:47:24

they like tie together.

863

: 00:47:26

What do you, what do you

tell them as a coach?

864

: 00:47:30

Yeah, absolutely.

865

: 00:47:31

That's a great question.

866

: 00:47:32

And so let me give you a picture.

867

: 00:47:33

So, um, I remember we're seeing

this old time kind of, uh, video.

868

: 00:47:39

It was, it was film back in the day.

869

: 00:47:41

And there was a strong man that was

standing in the middle, holding two ropes.

870

: 00:47:45

And he had a group on one side, pulling

him that direction and a group on the

871

: 00:47:49

other side, pulling him that direction.

872

: 00:47:51

And so that's a lot like what

I talk about when I talk about

873

: 00:47:54

mastering your thoughts with my guys.

874

: 00:47:55

So you're the person in the middle,

and on one side is God and who He

875

: 00:47:59

says you are, and on the other side

is the world and maybe your family

876

: 00:48:04

and even some of those people close

to you who are saying who you are.

877

: 00:48:07

And so what I do is I say this, you

have three things that matter, who

878

: 00:48:14

God says you are, who you say you are,

who the people around you say you are.

879

: 00:48:19

Whatever one is the priority is

the one you're going to believe.

880

: 00:48:22

So, for us, I say, mastering

your thoughts means aligning your

881

: 00:48:26

thoughts with who God says you are.

882

: 00:48:27

Pulling in that direction.

883

: 00:48:29

Well, the more I'm pulled in that

direction and I'm saying, because

884

: 00:48:33

it's not just what they say, it's what

you say, because at the end of the

885

: 00:48:35

day, the truth is, it doesn't matter

what anybody around me says, more

886

: 00:48:40

than it matters what I say about me.

887

: 00:48:43

And what I tell the guys is this,

if what you say about yourself

888

: 00:48:46

doesn't align with what God says,

then you're lying to yourself.

889

: 00:48:50

So, if your spouse, your friends, those

people around you, if what they say about

890

: 00:48:55

you doesn't align with what God says

about you, then they're lying to you.

891

: 00:49:00

But at the end of the day, my

Responsibility is my thoughts.

892

: 00:49:04

And so what I do is I, I continue

to remind myself who God says I am.

893

: 00:49:08

Not in general scriptures,

but in specificity.

894

: 00:49:10

With identity, I have guys write

down a statement, an I am statement.

895

: 00:49:14

Who are you?

896

: 00:49:16

Right?

897

: 00:49:16

I'm a man of confidence and assurance.

898

: 00:49:18

I'm a man of Fortitude and action.

899

: 00:49:20

I'm a man that follows through that cares

for his friends and family deeply that

900

: 00:49:24

finishes the projects that he starts

that is Always consistent and there

901

: 00:49:28

for those things that he's supposed to

be right whatever that statement is I

902

: 00:49:31

give them that statement because I say

remind yourself of it read it every day

903

: 00:49:36

I read mine multiple times a day because

life happens all day And people are

904

: 00:49:41

trying to tell you who you are all day.

905

: 00:49:42

So Mastering your thoughts is,

are my thoughts aligning with God?

906

: 00:49:46

Am I being pulled in that direction

towards what God says I am?

907

: 00:49:50

Who He says I am?

908

: 00:49:51

Am I reminding myself, right?

909

: 00:49:52

We talked about it in the

beginning of the conversation.

910

: 00:49:55

I'm preparing myself for the

battle before the battle happens.

911

: 00:49:59

I can't try and remind myself who I

am after I'm in a fight with somebody

912

: 00:50:02

who's telling me I'm a whatever, a fool.

913

: 00:50:05

But if I know who I am walking

into it, not all of a sudden

914

: 00:50:08

you don't have an impact.

915

: 00:50:09

And in a relationship, you first off

align with who God's created you to be.

916

: 00:50:13

Second off, take ownership of the

part of the relationship dysfunction.

917

: 00:50:17

That's your responsibility.

918

: 00:50:20

It takes two people to fight.

919

: 00:50:21

It takes two people to heal.

920

: 00:50:22

And depending on where your relationship

is that If there are people who are

921

: 00:50:28

continually bringing you down, then they

may be people that you want to examine

922

: 00:50:32

how much time you want to put into that

relationship, whether it's a friend,

923

: 00:50:36

whether it's a family member, right?

924

: 00:50:38

It's okay to not hang around people

that continue to put you down.

925

: 00:50:42

You have permission to do that.

926

: 00:50:43

That's healthy.

927

: 00:50:44

That's not an healthy unhealthy

relationship is expecting better

928

: 00:50:48

from people that can't give it.

929

: 00:50:49

Oh, you need you preaching now.

930

: 00:50:51

I didn't know you was going

to start preaching on here.

931

: 00:50:53

But, um, it's boundaries.

932

: 00:50:56

You're talking about boundaries and

just knowing where to draw the line

933

: 00:51:01

and where those boundaries are.

934

: 00:51:03

I just love what you do

because you are a true coach.

935

: 00:51:09

You are coaching men to be men, to be

heroes, helping them with their identity,

936

: 00:51:16

helping them to understand the experience

and taking it and not shining it.

937

: 00:51:22

And what the meaning behind it is so that

they can have the right emotions and not

938

: 00:51:29

be scared of emotions and because men have

emotions just like women but it's just how

939

: 00:51:36

you Control those motions, but you getting

down to the root of where they're coming

940

: 00:51:41

from, you're helping to coach them through

and you're going to call it, you're

941

: 00:51:47

going to call the shots to where it is.

942

: 00:51:48

If that's an out, that's an out.

943

: 00:51:50

You know, if you got struck out,

you know, you just got struck out.

944

: 00:51:53

You know, you may have to sit on a

bench for a minute, you know, I might

945

: 00:51:58

have to put you on penalty zone or

something as a coach, you do all that.

946

: 00:52:03

You show it in your book.

947

: 00:52:04

You even have.

948

: 00:52:06

After the book, which I like,

you don't just throw the book

949

: 00:52:09

out there and just leave them in.

950

: 00:52:12

Right.

951

: 00:52:12

So you have these sessions and how

do they, they get these sessions with

952

: 00:52:18

you because you, you're the coach.

953

: 00:52:21

Yeah.

954

: 00:52:21

Well, I, thanks, thanks for that question.

955

: 00:52:23

I, um, I have a website,

freedom four-life.net.

956

: 00:52:27

Mm-Hmm , it's freedom-four-life.net.

957

: 00:52:30

So, um, you can actually

purchase the book there.

958

: 00:52:33

I have the courses there.

959

: 00:52:34

I have the Life mastery course.

960

: 00:52:35

which also contains some

one on one coaching.

961

: 00:52:38

And the reason I included coaching in the

program, not just the program was because

962

: 00:52:42

I know the one thing that I would want

to give people that I didn't have it.

963

: 00:52:45

And that's fine.

964

: 00:52:46

You know, there's always

the first person through it.

965

: 00:52:48

And for me, it was walking through

my journey, cataloging it, making

966

: 00:52:51

the roadmap and giving it to guys.

967

: 00:52:52

But the one thing I knew was, it would

be amazing if you could through one

968

: 00:52:57

conversation, Shorten your understanding

of something that is going to give you a

969

: 00:53:02

breakthrough So instead of doing it and

trying to figure it out in three months

970

: 00:53:05

Now you can do it in one or trying to

figure it out in a week trying to figure

971

: 00:53:08

Well, how do I implement this in my life?

972

: 00:53:09

Now all of a sudden one conversation

can catapult you can fast forward you

973

: 00:53:14

into the freedom that you're called

to so That's all on my website.

974

: 00:53:18

There's actually also a free

discovery tool Um that's out there.

975

: 00:53:21

You could go to my website It's a I call

it a diagnostic tool, but it's a discovery

976

: 00:53:25

tool to say hey, where am I at in my life?

977

: 00:53:27

Mastery journey so you take A quick survey

and then at the end of it, it's not only

978

: 00:53:31

where am I at, but hey, what's the next

step I can take to get to the next level?

979

: 00:53:35

So that's a free tool

that's out there as well.

980

: 00:53:36

Oh my goodness.

981

: 00:53:37

You, I mean, you got the resources too.

982

: 00:53:40

You, you trying to say you

need to know where you at so

983

: 00:53:43

you can know which way to go.

984

: 00:53:45

And you have, you're doing one on one

after a while and actually coaching them.

985

: 00:53:52

I'm going to call you.

986

: 00:53:53

I'm not going to call you master.

987

: 00:53:55

I mean, I'm sorry, pastor.

988

: 00:53:57

Collins, I'm more, I'm more

geared towards coach Collins.

989

: 00:54:03

I like it.

990

: 00:54:05

I'm geared towards coach Collins

because you're not just a pastor.

991

: 00:54:10

You're not just a husband.

992

: 00:54:12

Those are those relationships.

993

: 00:54:13

You're not just a father, a black belt,

you know, a degree and we, you know, you

994

: 00:54:20

got some, you got a lot of degrees in a

black belt and you got a father degree.

995

: 00:54:25

You got a husband degree.

996

: 00:54:27

You got to pass the degree.

997

: 00:54:29

You, you, you making them be

have mastery of their lives.

998

: 00:54:33

I love that.

999

: 00:54:34

I love what you, thank

you for your service.

: 1000

00:54:37,718 --> 00:54:40,868

And, um, is there anything else

you want to say to the audience?

: 1001

00:54:40,868 --> 00:54:43,208

Because you, you have said a lot for them.

: 1002

00:54:43,218 --> 00:54:46,578

You're going to help a lot of

men understand, um, how to come

: 1003

00:54:46,648 --> 00:54:53,438

out of an institution and not be

institutionalized and, um, helping.

: 1004

00:54:53,823 --> 00:54:59,413

them be better husbands, better,

um, becoming coaches themselves.

: 1005

00:54:59,423 --> 00:54:59,763

Yeah.

: 1006

00:54:59,823 --> 00:55:02,783

Um, uh, better fathers, which we need.

: 1007

00:55:03,538 --> 00:55:08,108

And it's just a lot they're going to get

from your book from you as well And I

: 1008

00:55:08,108 --> 00:55:12,438

will be putting everything in the webs

in the I should say In the show notes

: 1009

00:55:12,668 --> 00:55:16,278

because sometimes people like to see it

So I will put it in there so that they

: 1010

00:55:16,278 --> 00:55:23,958

can master their lives and not live by

default but live by design For sure.

: 1011

00:55:23,988 --> 00:55:24,718

Yeah, absolutely.

: 1012

00:55:24,738 --> 00:55:25,318

Thanks for that.

: 1013

00:55:25,318 --> 00:55:28,598

And and the one thing I would say is

you know, we're talking about all these

: 1014

00:55:28,598 --> 00:55:32,783

tools and all these concepts right the

four pillars of life mastery and We

: 1015

00:55:32,783 --> 00:55:35,613

have, you know, in our course, and I

talk about it in the book as well, the

: 1016

00:55:35,613 --> 00:55:38,893

three transformational strategies, all

of these things aren't to give you more

: 1017

00:55:38,903 --> 00:55:42,883

habits and things to do, aren't to give

you a whole big checklist of stuff to do.

: 1018

00:55:43,093 --> 00:55:44,333

It literally is this.

: 1019

00:55:44,353 --> 00:55:47,573

God has a impact that he wants

to make in the world through you.

: 1020

00:55:48,123 --> 00:55:49,543

There's a call and a purpose on your life.

: 1021

00:55:49,573 --> 00:55:50,473

It's for everybody.

: 1022

00:55:50,473 --> 00:55:54,273

It's not just for people on

podcasts like Misha J and myself.

: 1023

00:55:54,273 --> 00:55:57,673

It's not just for those guys that are in

the pulpit, those people you see on TV.

: 1024

00:55:58,638 --> 00:56:01,228

They're all different, but every

man has an impact that he's

: 1025

00:56:01,228 --> 00:56:02,248

supposed to make in the world.

: 1026

00:56:02,458 --> 00:56:06,098

So these tools are really just

a roadmap, a blueprint for

: 1027

00:56:06,098 --> 00:56:07,118

you to get where you're at.

: 1028

00:56:07,118 --> 00:56:09,998

But at the end of the day, the

thing that matters is God sees you.

: 1029

00:56:10,008 --> 00:56:10,698

He knows you.

: 1030

00:56:10,698 --> 00:56:11,588

He loves you.

: 1031

00:56:11,848 --> 00:56:15,028

He created you for more than where

you're at and that impact in the world.

: 1032

00:56:15,038 --> 00:56:19,548

These are simply the tools to help you

unleash who you are as the hero in hiding

: 1033

00:56:19,548 --> 00:56:23,058

so that you're, you know, Living out

that life that you're created for you.

: 1034

00:56:23,058 --> 00:56:23,768

You probably do.

: 1035

00:56:23,768 --> 00:56:26,078

You have, you probably should

write your next book hero in

: 1036

00:56:26,078 --> 00:56:27,368

hiding or something like that.

: 1037

00:56:27,368 --> 00:56:29,578

I've kind of really liked

how you saying that.

: 1038

00:56:29,858 --> 00:56:37,428

So basically what you're saying and we'll

leave with us is that you are of value.

: 1039

00:56:37,858 --> 00:56:43,428

God gave his life for you

because we are of value.

: 1040

00:56:44,228 --> 00:56:49,698

Well, coach Collins, thank you so much

for being on a prisoner's pardon podcast.

: 1041

00:56:50,283 --> 00:56:52,363

Listeners, thank you for listening.

: 1042

00:56:52,403 --> 00:56:57,913

I'm pretty sure you've gained a lot

of value in this from coach Collins.

: 1043

00:56:58,203 --> 00:57:01,613

You're going to leave here fired up

and you're going to win the game.

: 1044

00:57:01,893 --> 00:57:02,873

The game of life.

: 1045

00:57:03,283 --> 00:57:04,263

Thank you so much.

: 1046

00:57:04,653 --> 00:57:08,303

And may you have a week

filled with blessings.

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