Unlocking Deeper Connections & Overcoming Trauma with Sonya Figueiredo

See the full conversation at https://youtu.be/JFLM-8xD07Y

In this insightful episode of The Science of Self, host Russell interviews Sonya Figueiredo, founder of Mindful Transitions. Sonya shares her personal journey that led her to start her coaching business, focusing on professional women in the corporate world. She emphasizes the importance of addressing deeper issues, breaking through personal barriers, and fostering genuine connections in all facets of life. Sonya discusses the difference between coaching and therapy, the significance of understanding one's 'why,' and practical tips for self-improvement and daily routines. Learn how to navigate life's challenges and improve your relationships from the inside out.

00:00 Introduction and Guest Welcome

00:22 Sonya's Journey to Mindful Transitions

02:26 Understanding Trauma and Coaching

04:25 Purpose and Self-Discovery

06:32 Self-Improvement Courses and Techniques

13:20 Daily Routines and Habits

16:13 Final Thoughts and Closing

Hello listeners and welcome back to The Science of Self, where

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you improve your life from the inside out.

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Our guest today is Sonya Figueiredo.

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Sonya Figueiredo: Thanks Russell.

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Thank you for giving me the

opportunity to be here with you.

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As Russell said, I'm Sonya Figueiredo and

my company's name is Mindful Transitions

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and I am a coach predominantly for women,

and I work with professional, uh, women

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in corporate, in the corporate world.

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Russell Newton: tell us about Mindful

Transitions, a company that you started.

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Sonya Figueiredo: Yeah, mindful

Transitions was born last year.

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I had essentially been a mentor

for, for many years, and I woke up

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one morning, well, actually it was

about 18 months ago, I got sick.

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You know, when you run on adrenaline

for such a long time and at such

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a fast pace, eventually your body.

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If you're not listening to

it, gives you a wake up call.

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And mine did.

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I ended up in hospital, thought

I was having a heart attack.

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My husband drove me at 2:00 AM in

the morning to the to emergency.

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Don't do it.

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Always call an ambulance, but we

are only five minutes down the road.

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So we got to hospital and it turned

out that I have atrial fibrillation,

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So that was my wake up call.

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I literally got out of hospital, did

a lot of research, and within 48 hours

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I had signed up to an international

coaching college that's accredited,

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not only here in Australia, but

accreditation in, in the world.

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And so the work that I

do, we go deep and we.

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Try to focus on what is stopping

someone from breaking into, you

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know, breaking that glass ceiling or

stopping them from being consistent.

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And also teach them the language

of rapport that goes deeper than

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what most tools will give somebody.

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But that's what we do.

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Russell Newton: When you're working

with someone and you find out it's not

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just an an, and I don't wanna minimize

anxiety, but when it's more than just

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an anxiety or an unsettlement, but you

realize there is a trauma that takes a

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completely different direction than in the

treatment or in the therapy, does it Not?

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Sonya Figueiredo: 100%, yes.

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All the, all the tools go out the

window and we, we, and you know, it's.

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The interesting thing with, so the

differences between coaching and

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psychology, one is obviously the

degree, but it's also we don't just

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have one methodology that we use.

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And when it comes to trauma.

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You know, some people think that

trauma is something terrible and

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something physical has happened

to somebody, and that obviously is

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one thing that can have happened.

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But when you're a child and you are

around about four or six, all of a sudden

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the conditions that could have been

used with you in your child rearing,

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for instance, I had a detached mother.

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I was born premature and for

my first seven months of my

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life, I was in a cold, sterile

environment, uh, in a humidity crib.

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And so I had the fight flight instinct

wired into me from the day I was born.

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My mother had detachment because

she couldn't hold me, and she had.

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What I believe now is would've

been, you know, depression and

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postnatal depression with that.

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And so my child bringing was upbringing

was, even though she loved me,

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the connection was very different.

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Russell Newton: from your website

you mentioned, and I'm just gonna

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read from the website, you're

fostering, helping individuals or

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women specifically in fostering deeper

connections in all facets of life.

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Paving the way for improved

relationships and purpose driven living.

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Is purpose the.

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The, the thing you start with or

the thing you move to, or is it just

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they're, they're all equal and you

work on them at the same, like, can you

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clear up some of that for me please?

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Yes,

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Sonya Figueiredo: sure.

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Absolutely.

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Like when I start with a client, of

course I'm going to ask them their why.

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So at the base level, it, it is about

their purpose, what their why is.

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But 90% of the time I'll

find that why when they first

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came is not their actual why.

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And what I mean by that is people

will come with safe problems.

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People will come with their external,

what they project to the world, because

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that feels safe to them, but they

won't show up with their internal

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problems and what's really going on.

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All the things that they, they push.

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Deep down or to the background and

they don't want to address them.

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So what I like to do is work on their

relationship with themselves first,

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and once their relationship with,

they bring themselves to a place of

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trust because it's actually scary

to think that a lot of people who do

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search out coaching or counseling.

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Really do not have a relationship

of trust with themselves.

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Everything has been done on unconscious

living and they're running on autopilot,

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and if they're dismissing something,

it's because it's bringing something

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up on the in themselves and they're not

trusting what they will do with that.

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So that's what I bring them back.

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Russell Newton: Great.

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Thank you.

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Um,

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you, you talked about briefly, uh,

anchoring, is it something that

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can be self-learn or, or are there

some things that can be picked up?

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Do you offer anything, a self-study

course or a self-improvement information?

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Sonya Figueiredo: Sure, absolutely.

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Um, there is a 10 week course that can

be done and it's sent weekly, and it is a

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mixture of, uh, self-based, uh, exercises,

meditation, a whole mixture of things.

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The, what I normally do ask though

is during those 10 weeks, I will

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have two, one-on-one sessions with

the client just to check in, see

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how they're going, what they need.

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But, uh, there is that, that option there.

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But you know, it depends on what the.

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Client is actually after some people

go, well, I don't have time for

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one-on-ones, and I just gimme the course.

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Like, yeah, I'll just give

you the course and that works.

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And it, you know, it's what somebody

needs at that point in time.

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Mm-hmm.

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What, what I do find is ultimately

after the one-on-ones, a lot, lot

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of them will come back and circle

back around, particularly if they

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want to go a bit further because

I do have a, uh, science based.

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Assessment that will look at it.

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It, it's a series of 72 questions,

and it comes up with their prominent

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personality, but not only their

personality, also their trait.

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And when that assessment comes back and

we work and go through what it's showing

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up, what you'll find there, or what I

find there is that ultimately to get

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back into that balance state, it can take

around three sessions of one-on-ones.

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So really depends on

what the client is after.

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I'm not into a one thing fits all.

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It's all tailored.

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Russell Newton: If an individual is really

struggling, how, what kind of advice would

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you give them to determine whether they

sh what path they should take to, to find

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a room for improvement in their lives?

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Sonya Figueiredo: Okay, firstly,

let's, uh, change the stigma.

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Call it a mentor, particularly for

professional men and women mentors feels

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safe and it has a different perspective.

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The difference between a mentor

and as coaches, we won't just

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say, you know, do this, do that.

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We are going to help you get to where

you need to go by helping yourself first.

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You'll wake up if you are staying

waking up at 3:00 AM every morning

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and, and staying awake for several

hours if you are finding that you are

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disconnecting from your relationships.

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And what I mean by that is if you are

sitting, um, across the table from your

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partner and you are on your phone or

they ask a question and you are not.

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Leaning in and listening to them

intently and making it a reciprocal

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two-way conversation flow.

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You're probably disconnected if something

is coming up for you and you keep pushing

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it down or you make yourself busy.

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The busiest people are

generally the people.

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Who are running from something, and I'm

not talking about being busy at work.

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I'm talking about being really

busy in all aspects of your life.

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I can't give you the golden answer

for that, but you'll know if

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you are constantly fighting and

avoiding something, the chances are.

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It's time to address it.

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And yes, you can read the books.

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Yes, your YouTube is the most

wonderful tool that you can get

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on and you can look at things.

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And we all have Google Doctor.

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Um, you've got those available to us.

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Even chat, GTP.

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It's a, it's amazing what chat GTP

will come up with these days, but it

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will only address your problem so far.

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Yeah, and I've gotta tell you,

even coaches have coaches.

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I have several coaches that

I work with for myself.

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Yeah.

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So you can go so far without a coach, but

there comes a point in your time that I'm

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going, Hey, what are you losing out on?

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You know, what's it going to cost you?

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Maybe one session to see if

it's going to work for you.

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You know what?

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What is the cost of not trying it

versus what is the cost for you?

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If you try it and it works and you

know you're seeing my energy, imagine

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bringing this energy in whatever

aspect of your life each and every

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day, and it doesn't feel hard anymore.

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Russell Newton: Your first statement,

I think, is very powerful There.

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People brag about, yeah, I found a mentor.

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I'm working with a mentor, or I

have a, I hired a personal coach.

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But very seldom would someone come out

and say, I'm going to see a therapist.

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And there's no reason for that,

except for societal norms or whatever

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we wanna put onto it as a stigma.

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What, what would be top of your

list if someone was looking for

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further information about any of

the topics that we've talked about?

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Sonya Figueiredo: Oh.

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Now you've got me.

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Let me just get out my audible it.

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It's funny, you know, I do read

a lot of books and if you saw

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my audible list, oh my goodness.

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Um, but they're constantly changing.

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I think the very first one that I always

went back to was, um, or Atomic Habits.

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Hmm.

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Russell Newton: Yes.

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Yeah.

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James Clearance

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Sonya Figueiredo: Clear?

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Yes.

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Yeah.

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Um, that was, was the first

book that I always did go to.

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Um,

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I'm sorry.

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You know, I should know this off by heart.

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Diary of the CEO is always a good one.

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In fact, I love those podcasts as well.

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Um, I, I find those insightful and

it transcends both male and female.

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Um.

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Unlocking your boundaries.

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And that's by Faith Harper.

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Russell Newton: do you have a

habit stacked during a day of

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things that you always adhere to?

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Sonya Figueiredo: Let me

tell you my morning routine.

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Firstly, don't reach for your phone

when you wake up in the morning.

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Make yourself, make it a ritual.

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Make yourself a cup of coffee

or a cup of tea, whatever it

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is that you would normally do.

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But don't go on the devices because

your body actually needs to come

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back to a place of center after rest.

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It doesn't need to be wired

and switched on straight away.

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So get up and start your day

intentionally, you know, be that as

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I said, you know, you walk into the

kitchen, make yourself a cup of tea, be

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reflective, think about what your day's

going to look like, then go maybe have,

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have your shower or, or do a workout.

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I like to start with a somatic release

and I'll, I'll do a somatic meditation.

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And I will start my day off with that.

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And whatever comes up in the morning

during my meditation session, I

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will then sit and reflect on that.

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Journaling is a beautiful

practice, but I've gotta tell you,

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journaling has never worked for me.

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Uh, it's just I don't have the.

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The patience for it because I'm

constantly talking to myself.

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I'm so, you know, people who have

problems with addressing things.

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Journaling works the best, but, um, so

I, it's something I will always tell

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my clients to do if it works for them.

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What I find works for me actually is

just using the notes on my phone if

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I really need to get something out.

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I'll just, uh, speak it.

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Verbalization for me is the

best way to go, but that's how

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I normally start my morning.

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And then throughout the day

I have two beautiful standard

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poodles and they need walking.

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So, uh, they are my exercise

buddies and we'll take them

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out for about a 40 minute walk.

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And again, that's just bringing

me back to center because if.

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Even when in my corporate life, I found

that, uh, walking meetings or walking

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around the lake because I wasn't very far

from the lake during my lunch hour is what

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I needed to bring myself back to self.

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Yes.

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And if I didn't do those things, I am man.

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And I was ready to curl up into a

fetal position by the end of the day.

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So I've kept those practices going,

you know, getting outside, doesn't

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matter how cold it is, you know,

um, we've got family in, in, um.

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Montreal.

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And you know, even when it's been minus

35 when I've been visiting, that's

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called, I still need to get outside for

a bit because, uh, we are not, we are

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not wired to be indoors all the time.

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That's when you get sick.

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So that's my, that's my ritual.

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Russell Newton: I'll let you give it

a final closing thought here and then

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we'll sign off for our listeners.

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Sonya Figueiredo: All right.

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Closing thought to me is, and

this was based on a conversation I

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had yesterday with a male client.

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Uh, he asked me.

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How to talk to his partner because

she would just feel the need to, what

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I call data dumping, where, you know,

she just shows up and she'll, she'll

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just go, oh, I need to talk about this.

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And he is like, well, it has no concept.

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And he goes, do I need to fix it?

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No, you don't need to fix it.

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You just need to listen.

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But at the same time, what women

are looking for is for men to.

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Speak to and isn't that

what we're all looking for?

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We are looking for the conversation

at how whatever level it comes up at.

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A lot of men, and I'm just generalizing

here, because some women, when they

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don't feel safe, do it too, will

get to an answer really quickly

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and then just be done with it.

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Get uncomfortable.

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Get uncomfortable with your conversations.

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You know, it's not that the conversation's

uncomfortable, but you might be

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feeling a little uncomfortable when

you feel uncomfortable and you start

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allowing yourself to talk about

the things that is really going on.

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Mm-hmm.

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That's when the magic happens, not only

in your relationships, but in in yourself.

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So get uncomfortable.