Why do we hold it together all day… and lose control at night? On Mind Over Matter, hosted by Saima, this episode explores the hidden emotional patterns behind evening overeating.

If you’re someone who feels disciplined, driven, and “on track” during the day—but overwhelmed with food at night—this conversation is for you. You’ll learn how willpower, emotional suppression, and unmet needs build pressure, and how small, compassionate shifts can help you feel calmer, more in control, and more connected to your body.

About the Guest:

Nadege Saysana is a coach who helps women understand and break patterns of night-time overeating. Having experienced binge eating herself, she now supports women in rebuilding trust with food and emotions.

Episode Chapter:

00:00 – Introduction & topic setup

02:10 – Why night-time overeating happens

05:40 – The “willpower battery” concept

09:15 – Food, reward, and emotional conditioning

13:30 – The pressure cooker effect

18:00 – Emotional patterns beneath overeating

23:20 – Small shifts to break the cycle

Key Takeaways:

• Night overeating isn’t a discipline issue—it’s a depletion pattern
• Restriction during the day often leads to rebound eating
• Emotional suppression builds pressure that seeks release
• Awareness of thoughts and feelings reduces the cycle
• Small daily check-ins can shift behavior over time

How to Connect With the Guest:

Website: https://www.milobingefix.com

Free Masterclass: https://www.milobingefix.com/masterclass

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00:00:08 Saima: Welcome to Mind Over Matter, where we talk about resilience, behavior and the inner patterns that shape how we live. I am Simon, and today we are having a conversation that I think will land deeply for a lot of listeners, especially women who feel strong in some areas of life but quietly overwhelmed in others. Joining me today is Nadia Sasna, a coach who helps women who are powerful and consistent in the gym but feel out of control with food at night. After living through decades of being eating herself, she now helps women understand the emotional and stress driven patterns beneath overeating, build self-trust and feel calm around food again. We are exploring why we tend to overeat, especially at night, and how to change that behavior so we feel better physically, mentally, and emotionally. So if you've ever wondered why, can I hold it together all day and then unravel in the evening, this conversation is for you. So welcome to the show.

00:01:14 Nadege Saysana: Thank you so much for having me. It's a pleasure to be here.

00:01:17 Saima: You're warmly welcome. and I'm really excited to have you here. I want to begin somewhere human. Like when someone says, I don't understand why I can be so in control all day and then feel, you know, completely different at night. What do you most want them to know first?

00:01:35 Nadege Saysana: Yeah, right. So I totally understand. So thank you for your question because it's a very common pattern and very common, uh, dilemma that lots of people, especially women, experience. Uh, at night, they feel fine during the day. They, they eat what they said they would eat. They work out the way they said they would work out. They do what they said they would do. But come evening, come nighttime, then it's as if, uh, it's a completely different pattern. It's a completely different person. Um, I used to feel like it was. I was a doctor Jekyll. Mr. Hyde. You know, by day I would be super reasonable, super sensible, super disciplined. But by night it was the complete opposite. But then it makes sense if we think that we use willpower throughout the day. But the problem is that willpower is a bit like a battery. So they may we may use willpower by thinking, okay, I shouldn't have this extra piece of cake because it's not good for me. It's full of sugar, it's full of carbs. And I know that afterwards I'm going to feel sluggish and I'm going to feel bloated and I'm not going to be proud of myself, etc.. So no, no, no, no. Okay. But it looks so good. But no, no no no cake. And it's, it's this negotiation in our heads. This I really want the cake because it looks so good, but I shouldn't have it. That's what uses willpower. The problem is that willpower, as I said, is like a battery, just like your phone, you know? By the end of the day, it's empty. It needs to charge to recharge during the night. So that's why in the evening it's super hard to use willpower. It's not there anymore. It's gone. It's vanished. It needs to recharge with the night. And also in the in the evening. The problem is that we've been so good throughout the day. You know, that very often something that's very common that we want to be rewarded for hard efforts. I mean, so many areas are life. And very often we see food as a reward, which makes also sense because if you're like me, when you were a kid, you were, um, celebrated with a piece of candy or you were gifted with a cookie for good behavior. And so it makes sense that in our brain we associated food with being rewarded. So that's also what we want to, to feel and to get by the end of the day, we still have this association. Food equals rewarded. And I want to be rewarded. So I want food.

00:04:00 Saima: Mhm. That's really interesting because what you're are describing shows how our patents aren't always about a lack of discipline. They're often about how our energy and emotional state shift throughout the day, and I feel many people judge themselves very harshly when that change happens in the evening. But your perspective helps you reframe it as something worth understanding rather than something to feel ashamed of. And I feel that it reminds us that there may be deeper signals or needs showing up when the day winds down, and that already shifts the conversation in such an important way. Like, instead of asking, what's wrong with me, it becomes what might my system be trying to tell me? When the day slows down and that shift matters. You know, najaat because she tends to shut inside down. So let's build from there. One of the, you know, strongest cultural narratives around overeating is that it's a willpower problem. And I'm curious, what do we get wrong when we reduce nighttime overeating to poor self control.

00:05:05 Nadege Saysana: MM. Yes. So the thing is, as I said, uh, in the evening, there's no more, um, willpower. Um, so we, we may think, oh, that looks so good, but then we won't have this negotiation for much longer or I shouldn't have it. I mustn't have it. I promised myself not to have it this morning and we give in. That's the thing. And then I love what you said because this is also such great awareness. Unfortunately, we tend to see this as a problem, as a reflection on our morality. We make it a problem, a moral problem, a moral issue. Uh, if at the end of the day, I can't say no to the cake, the cookie, the chips, the popcorn, the pizza, whatever it is, then it means something's wrong with me. Exactly as you said. What's wrong with me is a very common question that we ask, which unfortunately is not, um, really helpful because as you said, it leads us to feeling ashamed, to feeling guilty. But those emotions don't solve the issue at all. On the contrary, it keeps us stuck in this loop. Because when you feel ashamed, when you feel guilty, when you feel bad about yourself, basically you look for comfort. And if we've been, um, accustomed, if we've been using food to soothe or painful emotions, then of course, when we shame ourselves, when we guilt ourselves, at the end of the day, we're going to run even more towards comfort food, to learn those feelings, to soothe ourselves. So we are actually perpetuating this, um, this loop by judging ourselves, by shaming ourselves. But I love your the question, what's my body trying to tell me? Because that could be key if I crave a particular food at the end of the day, why, why is it so? Is it really because my body needs me, needs it needs me to see that I need that food because lots of people, you know, um, rely on dieting. And so we think that it will be it will do us a tremendous amount of good if we restrict the amount of food that we eat or the type of food that we eat. I like to say that we either limit the quality of the food. That is to say, the type of food we avoid, certain foods, we favor other foods, or we limit the quantity of food. So okay, I can have a bite, but no more. Or I could have um, um, yes, pizza, but just one slice, things like that. The problem is that maybe because we're using those rules, we're losing the focus and we're forgetting what our body really needs. And this is unfortunately so common, people restricting their food intake to twelve hundred calories a day, which unfortunately isn't sustainable. We think we're doing the right thing because unfortunately, um, you know, diet culture tells us though, but we actually starving our bodies. So by the end of the day it could. If you're craving a particular food, it could very well be your body screaming at you. Please feed me. Please nourish me. I can't take it anymore. That could be simply that.

00:08:11 Saima: Absolutely. That's such an important distinction. And what you're describing really moves the conversation away from blaming ourselves and toward understanding what the body is actually asking for. Now, when someone feels bad or, you know, like depleted during the day, it makes sense that mind looks for comfort at night, like you said, and food becomes an easy place to go. But as you said, when we only focus on restriction or cutting things out, we can only lose sight of what the body truly needs, whether that's nourishment, emotional support, or simply rest. And it really reframes overeating not as a failure of character, but as a signal that something deeper might be going on. Now, let's stay with that for a moment. Why do you think so many women in particular feel confused by this pattern where they can be powerful, disciplined, even physically strong in so many areas of life, yet still feel vulnerable around food at night.

00:09:09 Nadege Saysana: Mhm. Yes. And I think you described it beautifully confused, confused by this pattern because they're so they've built this identity that I'm strong. I know what to do. I can do what I said I would do throughout the day. I book a meeting and I go to the meeting, I, I close my door when I, when I leave my house. Things like that. I look right and left before crossing the street. I'm disciplined. I've always been, um, following rules and it's always worked for me. So why can't I follow this simple food plan that I've been given or that I want to follow? Uh, what's wrong with me? And so, yes, it makes sense that they're confused by the pattern. And also the confusion comes from this belief that it's actually because of the food that we, um, that we behave a certain way. It's very common, especially if you are you've been dieting here and there. You know, with different types of diets, to believe that there are some good foods and some bad foods, that type of rules that we tend to, um, you know, get attached to because we think that indeed there are, there are some foods that are good, like carrots, cucumbers, they contain a lot of nutrients. They contain a lot of water. They're good for skin. They're good for so many things. But candies, you know, pizza chips. No, that's not good. Um, and so because we have this set of rules that we try to, uh, really obey go by throughout the day, um, we use a lot of this willpower. We use a lot of this discipline. But by the end of the day, I like to use the analogy of the rubber band. We can't take it anymore. We've been stretching ourselves thin. We've been pulling the rubber band so hard that by night it just goes out in the into the air and it's the complete opposite. So it makes sense that if we've built our identity on a particular person who can do what she said she would do, and at nighttime, we just simply can't. We don't understand what's happening, but what's happening is actually that we've been fighting so hard. We've been so hard with ourselves throughout the day, disconnecting, you know, not really paying attention with what's going on in our body, rather whether it's in terms of sensations or emotions that in the evening the body rebels either in terms of sensation. If we start ourselves, of course, the body is going to scream for for food, as I said, but also in terms of emotion, right? We've been working hard all day long. We've been maybe focusing on the work piece, but also the family piece, making sure everybody got what they needed but not paying attention to all our needs. So when we were hungry throughout the day, we pushed that aside when we were feeling sad or lonely. We pushed that aside because we wanted to focus on the on the on the work aspect, on the what the to do list. And at the end of the day, this is when we have the space and time for emotions to be there. And they let us know very well by being there, but because we haven't learned how to manage our emotions, because we've always coped with our emotional life with food, just like other people scroll their phones sharp, you know, overwork or obsessively clean their house because we've been in this pattern for so long. Of course, we keep going to through that automatic loop. And because it's automatic, because it's unconscious, that's why it feels so out of our control. But there's a solution. It's not out of our control forever and ever. It's just that in the moment, it feels like it is.

00:12:46 Saima: I really like the way you explained that, man, especially the image of the rubber band makes a pattern so much clearer. You know, like you said, during the day, women are holding everything together, staying disciplined, pushing through responsibilities, expectations and pressure. And from the outside, it looks like strength and control. But underneath, there's a lot of tension building. So when evening comes, that rubber band effect makes sense. The system finally releases after holding so much all day. The way you explain that, it really shifts the conversation away from blaming food and toward understanding the pressure the person has been carrying throughout the day. And that perspective is incredibly helpful. Now, when this pattern of night time overeating keeps repeating, what do you usually see happening underneath the surface? Not just with food itself, but emotionally and within the nervous system.

00:13:38 Nadege Saysana: Right? Yes. And so I like that you, you used the word pressure because it feels like a pressure cooker, even though you're not aware of it throughout the day, You build that pressure and at night it. It needs relief. It needs to be released, and it's going to take the shape of food if that's been your pattern. So yes. So what we can do is just first of all, if it's been happening for several nights, if it's not the first time it happens, we can expect that it's going to happen again, unfortunately. But we don't have to be, you know, at the mercy. We don't have to be, uh, in, uh, powerless in front of this situation. If we expect it, then we can open up a little bit to this experience and notice the patterns that keep coming up because maybe he has the emotions that are behind this pressure cooking release are more or less the same. I used to think, no, no, no, it's brand new experience and a terrible experience every day. But when I really started, you know, dumping my thoughts on a piece of paper or on my laptop day after day, I realized that yes, but every evening I was still, um, you know, in very, uh, high energy, just like I need to do this and this and this, but also I felt a bit defeated because I was thinking, yeah, but I didn't do this, and I wish I had done this better. So there was a mixture of emotions that, um, I didn't know what to do. And, um, and that was actually fueling this, that can be, um, what's behind the overeating. It can also be still building the pressure because I have clients, for instance, who've been working hard everything, as you said, throughout the day and by night, they have this moment for themselves and they still want to do more. The problem is that then they feel overwhelmed. They feel even more stressed because it's not a pleasure to be with themselves, but it becomes another a second to do list, and that builds another form of pressure. And so they go to the kitchen to relieve that form of pressure, of pressure, also to get more energy to do what they still want to do. And for other people, it's just anxiety. You know, anxiety about what's to come, worry about other people and what's going on in their life. All sorts of emotions. It really depends on the people, on the situation. But usually it's it's a mixture of emotions, emotions that were not expressed throughout the day, emotions about the moment or emotions about the future.

00:16:09 Speaker 3: Mhm. Mhm.

00:16:11 Saima: Do we explain that is really remarkable, I would say. And that explanation really brings a lot of clarity to something many people experience but don't fully understand. Like when pressure keeps building throughout the day, emotions being pushed aside, the constant need to stay in control. It makes sense. The body eventually looks for a release. And as you said, food often becomes a place where that release happens. So instead of seeing it as a lack of discipline, it's really more like the nervous system finally letting go after holding so much tension all day. And that perspective can be incredibly, you know, relieving for someone who has been blaming themselves for years after years. So what does this usually look like in everyday life for the women you work with? Like, what are some of the patterns, thoughts, or moments you see showing up again and again in that cycle?

00:17:03 Nadege Saysana: MM, yes. So what I see is that there's this pressure and, um, what we started doing more and more when they start working with me is to, to acknowledge this pressure, to accept it, but not to wait until the end of the day, uh, to do something about it. And I don't know about you, but ever since Covid struck, I've been washing my hand on a very regular basis and very consistent, even more so than before. And you can use that time actually throughout the day to have this little check in with yourself. What am I feeling right now? AM I feeling good? AM I feeling bad? There's no right or wrong answer here. We're just checking so that you know whether you're feeling overwhelmed, you're feeling stressed, you're feeling angry, you're feeling frustrated, powerless. Whatever is happening to you, it's valid. It's an emotion you're feeling. Nobody's to say that it's a right or wrong decision, emotion that you should feel or you shouldn't. It's your current experience. So that's it. But just acknowledging that you're feeling this way, just taking a few seconds or minutes to notice, oh, I'm feeling this way. And that's it. That's the way it is. That can actually help, you know, decrease the amount of pressure, decrease the amount of frustration or whatever it is that you're going to feel anyway. At the end of the day, it's just, um, just a quick hygiene, just like we brush our teeth several times a day. We could do the same with our emotional life. Just checking, where am I right now? What's going on for me right now.

00:18:35 Saima: That's really insightful. And what you're describing helps people see that these moments don't just disappear out of nowhere. They're usually part of a pattern that builds, you know, throughout the day. And when someone begins to notice those repeated thoughts or situations, it can be actually be the first step toward understanding what the body and emotions have been, you know, trying to communicate all along. And I think that awareness alone can start shifting the relationship someone has with food and with themselves. Now, as we enter this, I would like to take this one step further. When someone starts recognizing these patterns, what's usually the first small shift that helps break that cycle?

00:19:16 Nadege Saysana: Yes. And I love that. A small shift because very often we think that we need to change our life overnight and completely change our identity, which may sound a bit nice, but it's impossible. And perhaps it's also not recommended because then you're going to think that who are you? And panic even more. But one small shift indeed. Every day, we can gain more and more awareness about this pattern. And it doesn't have to be scary. It doesn't have to be huge. So it could be very simply, as I mentioned, you just, you know, notice how you feel throughout the day. You notice what you think because as you said, these moments, these emotions, they don't appear out of nowhere. They come because you're thinking a certain thing. There's a situation going on in your life, whatever it is, and the way you're interpreting it, the way you're thinking about this situation, that's what's making you feel a certain way. So just knowing that can make you feel a bit curious, a bit playful about what's going on for you. And just realizing that those emotions are there. It's perfectly normal. If you're a human being, it's normal to have feelings. It also makes sense to when you know that they're coming from what you're thinking about, the situation, about your life basically, or about your food, about your body, about whatever's going on for you. And then when you realize that that's where you can have power to change something. So already those little moments of awareness. What am I thinking? What am I feeling that's already huge? And you can just take a little moment here and there to check in with yourself, but also to, to soothe yourself. So we know that food can be used, and that's what we do to soothe ourselves to normal emotions. But there's another, um, habit that you could take on which comes from the havening techniques practices, which is simply to use detach in a sense. So you could simply do a self hug, you know, putting your hands on your shoulders and letting your hands go down to the tip of your, your, of your fingers and do that several times, breathing deep, you know, letting the breathing out be longer than the breathing out. And that could be so simple. You mean if you only take three breaths, you're probably already going to notice the difference? If you, you know, hug yourself and do slow breaths, you're probably going to feel the shift inside of you. It's super simple. It may just be, you know, a quick fix, but it's really working and it can help you then access whatever is bothering you. Whatever is making you feel tense. And that can be your very first step, if that makes sense.

00:21:48 Speaker 3: Mhm, mhm.

00:21:49 Saima: That surely makes sense. And that's such an important realization that food can sometimes become a way to numb emotions, like you said, rather than truly nourish us. When people begin to see that connection, it often brings a lot of compassion, you know, into the process because they realize they weren't simply lacking discipline. They were trying to cope with feelings that didn't have another outlet yet. And that awareness alone can be a powerful first step toward changing, you know, the pattern in a much more, I would say, supportive and understanding way. So and surely this conversation has been thoughtful, honest, and incredibly reassuring. So for listeners who would like to connect with you or learn more about your work, Where's the best place for them to find you?

00:22:33 Nadege Saysana: Yes. Thank you so much for this opportunity. So basically, the best place to find me is on my website. It's called milomilo binge fixcom. Milo binge fixcom. And this is where you'll see the women I help, how I work, and what life looks like when you stop finishing the cookie bag or the ice cream tub at night. And if you like this conversation, which I hope you did, then you're going to love my free masterclass. It's called I Just Ate Dinner. Why do I want More and how to go to Bed without regret? You can sign up for it at Milo. Milo, masterclass, thank you so much for having me.

00:23:11 Saima: That's surely going to be beneficial for all our listeners out there. And listeners, if this conversation stayed with you today, I hope you take one thing from it. The behavior is real, but so is the reason beneath it. And when we stop reducing ourselves to our hardest moments, we create room for real change. Thank you for being here with us on Mind Over Matter. If this episode helped you feel a little more sane, share it with someone who might need the same reminder and follow the show. If you want more conversations that go beneath the surface. Because sometimes the shift begins simply by hearing your struggle named with honesty and compassion. Until next time, take care of your mind. Be gentler with your patents, and remember that change grows best in understanding, not shame.