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The coach is in!
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Join us as we share our stories
and hear from business leaders,
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generational pioneers, and experts as
we discuss the personal, relational, and
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professional challenges we., immigrants
and children of immigrants face.
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I'm Irene your host for today's episode.
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I'm a holistic leadership coach
and my current focus is helping
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adult children of highly successful
parents cultivate their independence.
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I want to clarify that when I refer
to highly successful parents, I'm
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not strictly defining success based
on income or financial status.
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It just matters that adult
children perceive their
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parents as highly successful.
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Parents never really stop being
parents even to their adult children.
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It is my hope to bridge
generational gaps through coaching.
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Through respectful communication and
openness to different perspectives.
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And without further ado.
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I hope you find something
valuable in my story.
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My self development journey
began when I almost lost someone
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dear to me to depression.
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While I was doing my best to keep a
sense of normalcy, I couldn't help but
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draw parallels to my own experience.
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I could easily have been that person.
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I could easily have been the one
to lose myself to depression.
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My first venture into therapy
necessitated that I examine the root
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that shaped my belief system for
the last three decades: my family.
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As an immigrant with no background in
psychology at the time, the awareness
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that emerged from this experience was
radical and difficult to say the least.
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As a young adult who recognized my
parents as my primary role model, it
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took me considerable deliberation, before
I finally saw them for who they are.
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Shortcomings and all.
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This, I believe.
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It's a pivotal moment
in every adult's life.
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If you ever get to it at all.
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You see.
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I grew up in the Philippines,
where schools, and arguably even
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society at large preferred to
teach through a didactic approach.
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The environment that I grew
up in., in conjunction with
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my parents' parenting style,
solidified their expectations of me.
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What role I fulfill in the family, who
I'm responsible for, who I can and cannot
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date, and what profession I can pursue.
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There was never any room for discovery.
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For identity.
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As a young adult who constantly
questioned societal norms and the status
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quo, I was very protective of my own
headspace, not wanting to be influenced
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by authoritarian figures in my life.
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Over time, I relied only on
myself, mistrustful of anyone
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who offered so-called help.
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Nonetheless, no one is impervious
to the influences of one's parents.
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I grew up listening to
contradictory messages.
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Don't eat too much, they say.
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And yet they fill up your
plate, despite your objections.
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You're not allowed to
talk to the opposite sex.
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And then out of the blue, they
asked when you're getting married.
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Why aren't you at the top of your class?
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When they took the joy out of studying.
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Why aren't you getting promoted
to leadership positions?
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Earning enough money.
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Doing better than so and so.
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When they beat the confidence out of you.
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They are quick to point
out what you are not.
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Take the credit out of
your accomplishments.
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And leave you feeling
like you're never enough.
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Despite your best efforts.
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I was confused and mistrustful.
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My therapist's work was cut out for her.
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The biggest shifter in the inner
work I had to do, was taking a
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leap of faith in who to trust.
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Therapy, similar to
coaching, doesn't work.
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unless, you allow yourself to be
brave enough to reach the vulnerable
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depths of your subconscious.
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Trust.
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I discovered.
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is built.
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When you hold someone with
unconditional positive regard.
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As a coach myself.
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I learned that people are more forthcoming
about their insecurities and shameful
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experiences when I hold a safe space
and make them feel accepted as they are.
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Truth is vital.
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But without love, it is unbearable.
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The antidote to our pain,
our grief, and our shame?
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Is kindness.
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Only when we see our truth with
kindness, can we begin to rewrite
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our narrative in a positive light.
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Only then can we see past our
failures, learning from our mistakes,
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and take affirmative action.
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With all that behind me, and with
all the headspace I have taken back
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for myself, I began to discover other
aspects of my life that are just as
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important as my financial health.
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As a millennial who was raised
by baby boomers with a singular
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lifetime goal of making money, I
deviated from this mindset in order
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to find a sustainable way of living.
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One that enriches me the more I keep
investing my time and energy into it.
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I have found that investing in my
mental and physical health, my emotional
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intelligence, and meaningful relationships
not just provides the foundation with
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which to achieve my financial goals, it
is elemental two or richer, happier life.
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I have shifted from goal-based
living to value based living.
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I no longer chase goals to
check off my bucket list.
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For what am I stripped off of my
possessions and accomplishments?
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I have learned to stay in the present.
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To live in the moment.
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I now look at every goal, every
challenge as an opportunity to be.
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A dancer exists in the dance.
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An artist exists in the art.
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We exist in our work, in
whatever form we choose.
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I once asked my dad, an engineer
by trade, a businessmen by
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profession, what makes him happy?
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He took a moment to consider the question.
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And as if weight was lifted
off his shoulders, he said.
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Tinkering with machines in the shop.
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I guess my role model didn't
lead me astray after all.
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If he's influenced me in any way, it's
that I share his core value of being
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grounded, seeing beyond the glitz and
glamor, to know what really matters to us.
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Thanks for listening.
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If you like what you heard, make
sure to subscribe to the podcast,
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share with a friend, and follow us
on Instagram @thecoachisinpodcast.
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As I wrap up today's session,
I invite you to reflect on what
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resonated with you in today's episode.
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If you're interested in exploring the
topic as it relates to your own personal
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experience, head to the shownotes and
visit www.thecoachisinpodcast.com.
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That's www.thecoachisinpodcast.com.
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Get ready to break personal, cultural
or generational barriers that get in the
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way of being the best version of yourself
and living the best version of your life.
