Shownotes
In this episode of Mind Over Matter, author and inner authority guide Catherine Crestani opens up about self-betrayal, emotional honesty, and the quiet ways we abandon ourselves to stay comfortable.
This conversation is for anyone feeling disconnected in relationships, work, or identity. Catherine shares how self-trust begins with small acts of honesty, learning to sit with discomfort, and choosing a life aligned with inner peace instead of outside validation.
About the Guest:
Catherine Crestani is an author, speech therapist, and contributor exploring self-awareness, communication, and personal transformation through emotional honesty and inner healing.
Episode Chapters:
00:00 – The hidden psychology of self-betrayal
03:40 – Leaving relationships that no longer align
07:25 – Why people ignore their inner truth
11:10 – Self-worth, burnout, and emotional survival
15:42 – Rebuilding trust with yourself
20:18 – Mirror work and facing vulnerability
25:33 – Why happiness is not constant
Key Takeaways:
- Self-betrayal often starts with ignoring small inner truths
- Comfort can quietly keep people emotionally stuck
- Journaling helps uncover unconscious emotional patterns
- Real self-love includes accepting vulnerable parts of yourself
- Small honest actions rebuild self-trust over time
How to Connect With the Guest:
- Website: Willow Healing
- Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/willowhealingsh
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Transcripts
00:00:06 Sayan: Most of us don't really lie to ourselves the way that we would expect. We don't really make up things that are not true or do something far stranger or far government. We quietly know it deep inside, and then we choose again and again to act as if we don't. And maybe it's about the friendship that we outgrew or the relationship that was wrong for me too, or that job that really started costing us our health a long time ago. And today we are having a conversation that steps right into that uncomfortable truth.
00:00:43 Sayan: Welcome back to another episode of Mind Over Matter, the show where we look honestly at ourselves, at what we are really capable of and how do we achieve that. I'm Ryan, and today I'm joined by Catherine Preston. Catherine is an author, magazine contributor and inner authority guide who explores the intersection of self-awareness, psychology, and personal transformation. She also brings nearly two decades of experience as a speech therapist, which really gives her this unique lens on human behavior communication and also the internal patterns that shape our decision. So I invite you all to join me on this conversation where I think most people don't really want to look or neither want to spend much time in the psychology of self betrayal and why we really ignore what we already know. So Catherine, welcome to the show. I think, uh, that's really an interesting, uh, intersection of work that you do and would love to dive deeper into this topic.
00:01:44 Catherine Crestani : Thank you. Diane. I'm yeah, let's dive in.
00:01:49 Sayan: Yeah, definitely. Well, just a little disclaimer for all my listeners is that some statements may reflect personal beliefs and experiences and are presented as individual views and not medical advice. Listeners should consult qualified professionals for medical condition.
00:02:04 Sayan: So without I mean, uh, delaying this further, Catherine, before we also even step into, uh, the bigger theme of today's conversation, I want to start with your life because I think, uh, you know, coming from a background. Where are you? You must have seen. I mean, a lot of people, uh, you know, as time, uh, I mean, ten, twenty years down the line, uh, might be the, the human behavior, the human psychology was, you can say might be different. And that is because, uh, there's, there's a lot of, uh, nuances coming in, you know, in the last two years, social media definitely being one of them. And how, you know, we think apathy is kind of the cool right now, right? So I mean, was there a specific moment when you realized that you had been ignoring what you already knew and that it, it was kind of the time to stop, you know, what was really happening in that moment?
00:03:00 Catherine Crestani : There's many moments of that in my life.
00:03:04 Sayan: Okay.
00:03:04 Catherine Crestani : Um, I guess the first one was actually my first marriage where I was, um, crying to myself every morning in the shower. But I, I constantly believe that my job was to keep my husband happy, but I was dying on the inside. You know, I wasn't happy at all. And it was nothing that he did or didn't do. It was just we didn't grow together because we got married quite young. And, um, it took a lot of courage for me to actually realize that that marriage wasn't for me anymore, and it was time to step out of it. So it actually took me, I think I want to say my heart left probably six months before my mind caught up. So, um, because it's a big thing when you're ending a marriage, it's not like you just go wake up. Yeah. I'm done. You know, it's, it takes a while to face that. And then again after that, um, I actually weirdly met my husband quite quickly after that accidentally, because when you're happy and, um, find yourself again, then you attract people that, that see you for who you are. That's true. Yeah. So then once my personal life was more balanced, my business partnership started to fall apart because instead of spending all my time at the office to avoid being at home, I wanted to spend less time at the office and have a more balanced partnership. And there was just a lot of things that we weren't seeing eye to eye on. And when when I came to the conclusion of my I can't deal with this anymore, you know, because I was pregnant at the time. And I was like, I don't want to deal with this drama. Like, I honestly would wake up and have over a hundred emails I have to deal with every single day, not spam emails they had to address every day. And I didn't have any help despite us having a receptionist and admin. These always ended up with me to deal with. And I was like, I can't keep doing this. You know, this isn't fair. This isn't what's meant to be happening. So that took, um, that was an interesting breakdown in relationship. I say that was my nasty divorce, So. Yeah.
00:05:19 Speaker 4: Um, yeah. No, I think, you know, uh, instances.
00:05:22 Sayan: Of moments like those really, uh, I mean, if if we have the guts to, you know, really sit down and, you know, reflect on ourselves and introspect, I think it can really tell a lot of things about what we really want or, you know, our own core values. And I think, uh, there's also this misconception about self-betrayal particularly being, uh, like making a huge wrong choice and that and then, you know, the guilt coming back to you, but the way that you frame it or framed it, I think it really sounds much more honest than that. So from your work, what's the biggest misunderstanding that you think people carry about what Self-betrayal actually is? And it shows up in everyday life?
00:06:07 Catherine Crestani : I feel sometimes it's just easier to entertain the idea to stay, you know, it's more comfortable. Um, it's easier, you know, it wasn't easy to walk away from my marriage. At first, marriage wasn't easy to walk away from my business partnership. It wasn't easy to walk away from my company like I had to learn how to keep choosing myself and then face that pushback and those voices that, you know, was I being selfish and selfish is this term that gets thrown around. But the thing is, even from years working with clients with high needs, the parents would always put themselves last. But the parents needed to look after themselves because if they weren't around, what happened to the children with high needs? You know what happened to the the rest of the family dynamic? And this is often what we forget, especially as a parent. We put ourselves last. You know, for me as a business owner, I put myself last instead of first. The business wasn't working for me. I was definitely working for the business, you know, so it's when we start to discount our value and who we are showing up as. That I feel, is where that self betrayal comes in. And It's like, oh, and then we'll start to look for, um, support outside of us and we ask the wrong people. And I think we do it to help justify the situation. You know, we ask our family, oh, no, that's normal. It's normal to feel like that. It's like, no, it's not, it's not normal to wake up every morning and want to cry, you know? Oh, no, no, that's fine. It's normal for people to fight like that all the time. It's like that's because they're doing it in their relationship, you know?
00:07:50 Speaker 4: So yeah.
00:07:52 Catherine Crestani : Yeah. So sometimes we look for validation of that self-betrayal rather than having the courage to step out and deal with the pushback later. But it's about really getting to know what does it do? I need in that moment more than what everyone else thinks I need?
00:08:10 Speaker 4: Wow. I think.
00:08:11 Sayan: Uh, you you really, you know, I mean, you put that in a nutshell? Um, Katherine, I would say. Right. I mean, that is the heart of today's conversation, really. And the way you framed it, uh, in, in a minute or two, I think, uh, that, that really speaks to me a lot because I think it's really, really hard to, you know, face the truth and, you know, make a change because I think people don't want to make a change because they understand that what it really takes to make a change. And, um, you know, there's this interesting quote, uh, that goes that, you know, the people who get the most out of their life, uh, they really embrace the change. Now, you could look at this, you know, from two different lenses. One that you being with that person or with a situation and just accepting it and letting that drain your energy or two, you going out, you know, of that circumstance or scenario and you finding your right people or you know, that that thing that, you know, inculcates the right core values in you or goes by your core values, but in either way. Catherine, you know, this is something that I believe that really resonated with me. And it's a hard thing to really do, right? So, I mean, for listeners who are listening to this right now, because you bring a very interesting lens, both, I mean, on language based and psychologically as well. I mean, twenty years of speech therapy really means that you understand how communication, including the type of communication that we have with ourselves, really works. Actually, also the kind of communication that you talked about earlier, you know, having the kind of self validation from the wrong people. Uh, and, and that is that all really comes down to what you really want to hear at that instance, right? So for someone who's listening to this right now, who senses that they have been kind of been in this victim, uh, position, um, themselves and really, really wants to start rebuilding self-trust this week. You know, what's the first step that you would offer to them?
00:10:15 Catherine Crestani : I say to a lot of my clients, like you, have to wake up with yourself every day. You know, do you want to be?
00:10:21 Sayan: What do you mean by that?
00:10:23 Catherine Crestani : Well, you're the one that has to wake up and look in the mirror at yourself. Would you rather look at someone who's choosing a life that's aligned with what makes you excited and joyful? And it's not like that every day. Don't get me wrong, but wouldn't you rather have a life where the majority feels like that and you feel at peace, rather than thinking of ways you can get out of your relationship, or avoid being at home, or a way to leave that job. And if you're having those thoughts like, oh, you know, I rather not go home or this doesn't excite me or there's something bigger for me. You know, there's that pull like I don't, you just don't feel like you belong in that situation. It's an invitation to start to go deeper. Whether it might be that moment where you, um, look in the mirror and, and learn to say I love you to yourself. Or maybe it's that. Why have I got this? Why have I got this yearning for something more? And start to ask those questions and be curious. And I was in on an interview yesterday and he said, yeah, ask why five times and see what your brain comes up with, or see what your heart comes up with. Because so often we get lost in the what my life should look like instead of what I choose for my life to look like. And you don't have to live what everyone else is telling you. You don't have to work a nine to five if you don't want to. You don't have to, um, you know, stay in a job that's not making you happy or excited. You don't have to stay in a relationship where you feel like you're just roommates rather than having some sort of deeper connection, you know? So this is where, um, you can start to look at those aspects of your life and just pick one area. Don't blow everything up in one go, because that can be quite traumatic. It can be like, boom, boom, you know? Let's see where I am. Yeah.
00:12:20 Sayan: Totally. I mean, that's, that's really a great way to start, uh, you know, kind of being grounded and honest with yourself at the same time. And I think there's something really, uh, Catherine, that I really want to touch base upon about looking at yourself in the mirror. So can you tell us from a psychological point of view, what it really does? Uh, you know, and it kind of, you know, I have thought about it. It's like the conscious part of yourself trying to understand what consciousness is, you know, it's that kind of thing. So from a psychological point of view, what does it really do? And how, how does it help on reflecting certain things better? You know, I mean, we have heard about things like, you know, writing things down and people would rather, uh, you know, pick up their phones and start writing. But no, I say, you know, use a pen and paper that really makes your brain work and, you know, look harder for the things that you're grateful for. So that is it. But, you know, since you, work in this field of psychology. So curious to know what your answer to that question.
00:13:21 Catherine Crestani : I love that you tell people that because it is true. Writing it down has a different way of. And actually, when you write down, you can step into something called automatic writing where you're not even thinking about what comes back out. Yeah, you can do that on your phone, but it's not the same, you know, because when we write, it's so automatic in itself. We don't sit there anymore because we're older. We don't sit there and think about how the letters are formed. When we start writing, we just let what comes out. And it's really interesting when you start to journal on those deeper levels. But the point of looking at yourself in the mirror and being able to say, I love you, it actually highlights all your vulnerabilities because so often, you know, especially women, it's not just women, actually, it's everybody. We have body image things. We there's parts of our body that we eat. We don't love. You know, there's parts of ourselves that we don't love. And there's shadows, which are the darker parts of ourselves that we try and run away from. So for example, for me, my biggest things are self loathing, self worth, low self worth, and my self saboteur. She likes to show up right when I'm on the cusp of doing something and, and remind me why, you know, we can't do it or whatever it is. But the more you get to know those wounds and those parts of yourself, the less they can have control over your decisions. Because when they show up, you just have a conversation. And it sounds really weird, but you do. You're like, oh, hello, old friend of low self worth. How are you today? You know, we're not we're not doing this again. Thank you for your concerns, but we're going to do it anyway. So this is where getting to know those parts of yourself. And, and if you can love all those parts of yourself, then you'll find somebody else that can love all those parts of you. And you don't have to hide them because so often we put these masks on that stop us from being truly seen. And it's when we allow ourselves to shine and find someone that loves us unconditionally. Not that big romantic Hollywood love. Loving unconditionally is loving all parts of you. The good, the bad, the happy, the sad. You know, my husband now, I remember the moment that I knew we were going to make it because I was so sick. I, um, got food poisoning and I vomited in his apartment, but I was like in the kind of toilet area. And I managed to vomit. I think nearly every surface in that in that small cubicle. And he just cleaned, put me in the put me in the shower, you know, let me let me wash off because I was a mess. And he just cleaned it all up. He didn't even complain. And I was like that if he can love me after seeing that side of me, you know, it's very early in the relationship. I'm like, we're gonna make it because that is kind of that that deep, dark, darker part. You know, you don't want to pick someone to see you like that vulnerable and so sick and you just truly need help. And this is the same with ourselves. Like, what are we hiding from the world? Like, what are we pushing to the back and not letting people see? Yeah.
00:16:29 Sayan: Oh, beautiful. I think that analogy that really does apply to yourself as well, because there's a phrase in Japanese that I don't really recall at the moment, but you know, what it really means is it's a beautiful word. Um, I would try to find that word right after the interview because it's just, you know, at the upper tip of my tongue. But, uh, nonetheless, uh, you know, what it really means is there are so many layers to yourself that maybe you, you don't know what you're made of and, you know, to really feel it down like, you know, I mean, the layers, the layers are just like an onion. Um, you know how the other layers, uh, you have inside of it and, and so If you really don't know what's inside you, how are you even going to expect the other person to really understand what's beneath that layer? So I think it really to some sum it up, um, I would really say for the listeners or listening to this, it really starts with understanding yourself and yeah, what is that thing that really makes you feel happy? And, and I think there's this other misconception about being happy, which really means, uh, or which really does not mean being happy all the time. Uh, right. On paper. I mean, there are days where you would feel terrible, miserable and maybe you would not even feel like doing that job. Or maybe, you know, you would feel the relationship is on the brink. But I mean, those are really the lows that makes the high feel like worth it, you know? And so it's really all a dynamic pair. So if I mean, imagine, imagine, Catherine, if you were to imagine a life that is just, you know, flat lined, like, you know, a pitch. High pitch, flat line. I mean, that would not be fun, right? I mean, so that is how I mean, the way we perceive darkness is in the absence of light, right? So it's just, it's just how you choose to really, um, distinguish those moments. And I think that is something that I would like to take my listeners from this conversation because again. Self-betrayal. Speaking about. Self-betrayal. I don't think it's really a moral failure because, you know, there are times when you would, you would feel that, uh, you know, this isn't right. But I think, I think it's really a survival strategy that has outlived its usefulness. And the work of coming back to yourself is not a single decision. I think it's that, you know, a series of, I mean, acts of finally listening to yourself and, you know, honoring the small things that you do, speaking the small truth, you know, each and every time. And that's how you keep overriding your own version. Um, and you become who you finally want to be. So that is something that I would like listeners to take forward with.
00:19:28 Catherine Crestani : Yeah. And to add on to your point, I love that you brought up that you can't be happy all the time. And happy is like, happy is not what the movies make out to be either. Happy state, internal state. And I love that you said about the highs and lows. But the other aspect of that, that I just wanted to highlight is just take a small risk, like share a little bit of yourself, like if it feels too overwhelming to, you know, fully jump out of the closet, if you will just, you know, do something small that maybe someone you know can shake it up. I am unapologetically myself. I throw my husband in loops with some of the conversations I have with people, and he's like, they're going to think you're crazy. And I'm like, I don't care, you know, because.
00:20:11 Speaker 5: Yeah, no, yeah, yeah, yeah, I mean.
00:20:15 Sayan: Totally right. I mean, and I'm so glad that, you know, you resonated with that part because I think, you know, these Hollywood movies or, you know, the media that surround us really, uh, I mean, uh, there's this, uh, propaganda everywhere, right? That this is what you need to look like if you want to say or declare that you're happy, you know, uh, maybe it's, it's those Instagram stories or, you know, those snaps, whatever that is. Right? Um, and I think that really, uh, I mean, from a societal point of view, I think we really have failed ourselves in that direction. But it's only when you zoom out and look at what actual bliss really is. And I'm so glad that you brought that side of the conversation up as well. So, Catherine, I believe this has been really a very honest conversation. You know, we have really been able to, uh, talk a little about your experience, my experience, and, and I think for our listeners who actually resonated with this version of ourselves that we would want to put forth for listeners who wants to learn more about your book or discover your novel, which is your virtual obsession, or even, I mean, just to stay connected with you, where's the best place for them to find you?
00:21:33 Catherine Crestani : Yeah. So you can find most things on my website, which is Willow healing dot org, or I'm usually on Instagram and my handle's Willow Healing s h.
00:21:44 Sayan: Brilliant. So I would put that in the show notes so that listeners can easily reach out to you. So Katherine, I really want to thank you again for bringing this together because I think mind over matter is built for conversations exactly like this. I think, I think really the most powerful thing inside us is often the part that we underestimate the most. So here's something that I would like you all to carry with you from today, folks you already know. You have always known that the work isn't to find some new piece of information. Really, the work is to stop pretending that you don't already have it. And. And that moment when you finally start wondering what you have been carrying inside your whole life, will automatically begin to feel like yours again. So thanks for being here. And this has been signed on. Mind over matter. And I'll see the next one.
