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The Beauty of Predictability and Why You Should Break It!
Episode 198th December 2021 • The 6570 Family Project • Nellie Harden
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It is important, almost vital today to have a schedule and it is just as important to break it.  In this episode, I go over what a schedule can look like for you and your family, why it’s important to keep one, and all the different ways and reasons to break it.  

About the Host: (bio, personal links, resource links)

Nellie Harden is a wife of 20+ years, mom to 4 teen/tween daughters, dreamer, adventurer, servant, multipreneur, forever student, and a devoted teacher, but her ride-or-die passion is her work as a Family Life Coach & Mentor.  

Coming from a career background in marine mammal sciences, behavioral work, and a host of big life experiences, both great and not some not so great, she decided that designing a life of purpose and freedom was how she and her husband, along with their 4 daughters, wanted to live.  

Her work and passions exist in the realms of family and parent mentorship because she believes that a family filled with creativity, fun, laughter, challenge, adventure, problem-solving, hugs, good food, and learning can not only change a person’s life but is the best chance at positively changing the world.  

She helps families build Self-Led Discipline™ & Leadership Into their homes, sets their children up for a wildly successful life on their terms, and elevates the family experience with big joy, palpable peace, and everyday growth!

With a lifelong passion and curiosity in thought, choice, behavior, and growth she has found incredible joy in helping families shift perspective, find answers, and a path forward. 

(Nellie has been coaching families for over 10 years and has degrees in Biology, Animal Behavior, and Psychology. )  

LINKS:

Family Success Vault- https://www.nellieharden.com/vault

Website- https://www.nellieharden.com

Online Community- https://www.facebook.com/groups/the6570project

Instagram- https://www.instagram.com/nellieharden/    

Facebook- https://www.facebook.com/nellie.harden/

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Transcripts

Nellie Harden:

Hello and welcome to the 6570 family project

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podcast. If you are a parent of a tween teen or somewhere on the

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way, this is exactly the place for you. This is the playground

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for parents who want to raise their kids with intention,

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strength and joy. Come in here all the discussions, get all the

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tactics and have lots of laughs along the way. We will dive into

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the real challenges in raising kids today how to show up as

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parents and teach your kids how to show up as members of the

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family and individuals of the world. My name is Mellie Hardin,

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big city girl turn small town sipping iced tea on the front

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porch mama, who loves igniting transformation in the hearts and

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minds of families by helping them build self love, discipline

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and leadership that elevates the family experience. And sets the

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kids up with a rock solid foundation they can launch their

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life on all before they ever leave home. This is the 6570

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family project. Let's go Hello, everyone. Welcome back to a

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another episode of the 6570 family project podcast you guys.

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I can't believe we're on episode 19. Already, this has been such

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a fun adventure this year. I can't wait to have 1000 episodes

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out here. But right now we're in Episode 19. Which sounds so big

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and such a baby at the same time. And I love it. Thank you

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for being here. If you've been here since episode one. Thank

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you. Thank you if this is your first episode, thank you, thank

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you. Because if you are showing up here, it means you are

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stepping up and stepping in as an intentional parent. And if

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you do that, and we're raising our kids within the 6570, that's

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how many days are in 18 years. If we step into that zone, and

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we are training and helping and equipping them in that time, you

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are helping them build the foundation that will be their

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foundation for the rest of their life, they'll be able to stand

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on it lean on it when they need to and launch from it time and

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time and time again. And that's what we're doing here. We are

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making are helping our kids and training them up to be self led

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leaders with self led discipline. And we're having a

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whole bunch of fun along the way too. I am a huge believer in big

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belly laughs kitchen dance parties, being goofy and being

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fun and teaching leadership and discipline.

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So let's dive into today. You guys, today is called

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the beauty of predictability. And the beauty of when you break

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it right. And why is this because? Well, I had a recent

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break of this last weekend I'll tell you about in a little in a

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little while. And it reminded me of this beauty and with my

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clients, a lot of times I help them develop what their routines

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are going to be right. Because if you have a routine, you have

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a schedule, you have a schedule within a schedule maybe. For us,

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for example, I have many parts of my day, right I have my

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morning and I have a morning routine schedule, right and then

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I have school I home, I still homeschool three of my kids,

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three of the four of my kids. And there's a schedule within

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that. And then I have my work schedule, which is a schedule

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that within that, and then we have family time. And guess what

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there's a schedule within that. And why our schedules are so

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important. It's because they have that predictability. They

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have that flow. Everyone knows where they stand. Everyone knows

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what's coming up. Spontaneous is so cool, so awesome. And that's

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where we get into breaking it but you can build in

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spontaneity, for example. My family time is from six to nine.

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Every night, right? Monday through Friday, six to nine the

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weekends. You know, they we have family time, of course, but

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we're doing different things, what have you but Monday through

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Friday, six to nine. That is our family time. We don't have

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phones where we are just focused on each other, we're going on

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walks, we're you know making dinner or cleaning up or doing

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whatever. And so that is flexibility, flexibility in

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there, whatever we do, but that is our time. And then, for

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example, every Tuesday and every Thursday, we have one on one

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time with our kids so that our kids can can know that every

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week they're going to have time just in a room by themselves

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sitting one on one with a parent and we just goof off. We have

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serious talks if they need to be we play a game if we need to be

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we play with durables, because all of our all of our daughters

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have animals dribbles or fish. You know we do these things, we

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have that one on one time at nine o'clock from nine to 930,

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on Tuesday and nine to 930 on Thursday. So again, we are

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having that schedule and predictability. But within that

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schedule is where the spontaneity can happen. I hope

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that makes sense to you. And with me in the morning, because

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I have all of these different hats that I put on, I, you know,

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with business and entrepreneurship and homeschool

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mom and parent, and just myself and what I do, I need to be more

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rigid. So I have very specific things that I do every single

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morning that starts with moving my body, and I get a lot of

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reading in, I get some journaling in, I obviously, get

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a shower and get ready for the day in there. And I check to see

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what's coming up for the day. And I make a list of what my day

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is going to look like so that I know, okay, I don't need to

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freak out, there's nothing that's going to come up and, you

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know, bite me and be spontaneous and not such a good way. And I

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know what's coming up. And with school and with vacations, right

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and different things like this on our board, which I have an

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entire board system that I taught my home, way, way back

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when I was teaching, how to teach your kid and homeschool.

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Because it was much less about what curriculum to use and all

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of that I could care less what curriculum curriculum you use,

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that is your, your decision and what feels right for you. But

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what I was teaching was, how to actually teach in a home, and

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what functionalities mindsets and tactics we can use for that

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using discipline and leadership. And that's what I do for whole

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families inside and outside of education now, but with that

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they know when a test is coming up, how many of you, I mean,

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raise your hand silently, wherever you're raising

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eyebrows, wherever you're listening to this, you still

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have those nightmares of showing up to school and you're like,

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there's a test today. And I had no idea, right? We don't want

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those we don't want you know, need that fear in our kiddos or

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ourselves anymore. I'm in my 40s I still have that that

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nightmare. And so we have that predictability. This is what is

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coming up. And then you know, eventually as they're getting

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older, they have their own planner, like we're passing over

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the reins, right, we're passing down that 6570 foot rope and

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handing more and more over to them along the way. Okay, so

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that is why those are all the reasons why a schedule is so

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good, right? You have predictability, you add

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significantly lower stress, right? You know what's coming

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up, you have free time built in to your schedule, so that you

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don't have to think, Oh, I'm always working, oh, I'm always

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studying, oh, I'm always doing this. I have no free time. Well,

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if you build in the free time, then you will have free time,

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right? I can look at your family's calendar, if you give

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me two weeks of any of the year, probably outside of the

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holidays, because that's always crazy, right? But if you give me

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two weeks of your calendar, I can definitely tell you what

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your priorities are, where you're stretched, then where you

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you know, could use some guidance and mentoring and where

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you're really strong to, if it's on your calendar, that's where

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it counts. Right? Okay. So awareness, predictability, all

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the good things, but some times, you need to be reminded of the

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benefits of that routine, right? As good as as good as it is. And

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think about this, right? Every single year. This is the best

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example every single year when school gets out. Everyone's

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like, Oh, we're free. We're free. We're free. And then every

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single year when school gets back in session, it's like, Oh,

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we're back. We're back to a routine we're back settled

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again. I know what's actually going to happen tomorrow, right?

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And that's exactly what I'm talking about. Right? A routine

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is so good, but getting off routine is also so good. And

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it's kind of this whole mentality of absence makes the

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heart grow fonder, right. And think about this though, in our

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crazy hooky world that we've been living in for the last

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couple of years. With COVID. We had more all together time. We

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had sometimes more schedules, sometimes less schedules,

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sometimes just trying to figure out what was going on. Right and

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so it's COVID has really thrown a wrench into every aspect of

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everything. But especially when it or not especially but also

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when it comes to scheduling and predictability. Right. I mean, I

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still know I talked to kids in my community. And my oldest is

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in a school outside of our home too. And they still have this

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this, I wouldn't call it a fear, but a little bit of anxiety of

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oh, it's fall break. I don't know, if we're gonna come back

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after fall break, you just never know, because it was in 2020.

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That March 13. I remember it clear as day. It was a Saturday,

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it was the first day of spring break, and they never went back.

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And they had no idea the parents, I don't want I don't

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even know if any of us knew what was going to happen. I don't

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think any of us thought, Oh, the entire world is going to shut

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down for the next several months. I don't think that was

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on many of our radars. But for the kid that really just moved

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him sideways, wait a second, we're just on spring break. And

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now we're not going back for the rest of the year. Right. And so

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there's still some of that anxiety going in. All that to

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say COVID kind of threw a wrench into some things, but I want to

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give you some ideas of what you could do for yourself. And one

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of them is a modification, dedication type thing. I

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actually first saw this. Some of you will probably laugh at me

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for this. But I used to watch back in the day.

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Goodness, I'm I don't know if I was in high school or what but

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Seventh Heaven anyone remember seventh heaven. And it was

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actually I found out not too long ago was the W bees first,

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like hit show that they had it was seven, seven. And the mom

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who I think they had like 38 kids or something I don't

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remember? No, it was like, I don't know, seven or something.

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And she got to this point that she was breaking down. Don't ask

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me what season this was in or what have you. I've no idea. But

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I just remember she was getting so stressed and so broken down

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that she left for a few days. And she said I'm I need to go

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and be by myself. She went to the beach and she had this. And

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I remember thinking then she waited too long. She waited too

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long. Imagine if every year she had like two days or so maybe

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even just one day that she could go and just be by herself

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recoup, you know, journal, just walk without all the questions,

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right? All these things. And this isn't just for moms. This

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is for dads too. And but I do have to say and I'm a mom. So

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I'm probably biased, that I think moms get the brunt of much

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of what comes with family life. Not always there are certainly

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exceptions. But if there was a teeter totter, I think moms are

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a little bit heavier on that. And don't hate me, don't send me

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the hate mail. If you are a super active dad out there I am

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high fiving you and I think I am married to a super active dad

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too. I'm just saying in the grand scheme of things. I think

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moms get the brunt of the Mom, mom, right? You all you're

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probably all nodding your heads right now. But having that time,

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that time not waiting for you to absolutely needed or you're

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going to implode, but do using it more preventatively and

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breaking up that scheduled breaking up that every day

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predictability can be really good. family vacations also do

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the same thing. I cannot wait to go to Disney World. I cannot

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wait to get home from Disney World, right? All the things and

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that comes from we moved to our vacation spot. The place that we

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live right now. We vacation that for 17 years, over and over and

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over again. We first came here. Our sophomore year of college

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for spring break. We came back again, junior year, we came back

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again the year after we graduated, we just kept coming

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back and back and back. All of our babies put their toes in the

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ocean for the first time here. We renewed our vows for our 10

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year anniversary here. All the things and finally, in 2014 we

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were here with a group of people we have brought so many people

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to this area of coastal North Carolina. And we're walking down

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one of our favorite little roads and my husband just looks at me

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and says why do we keep leaving, like, let's just stay and I was

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so blown away. I never even thought of that as a

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possibility. But lo and behold we waited another year to just

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see if it was a passing thought it wasn't we waited another year

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and we came back for three weeks to make sure this wasn't just a

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vacation spot like we could actually live here. Turns out we

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could all six of us voted even though my youngest was five they

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were let's see they were they were 577 and 10 at the time and

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all six have us voted yes. Even though it was going to be really

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hard. And we sold everything moved here and all within 100

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days, it was insane. But that was our decision. And we were so

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happy for both. I mean, talk about jostling up the schedule,

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that was a jostle. But what about, and just a small thing.

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So what I was referring to earlier today is earlier in our

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talk, is last weekend, I just felt this weight of this,

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schedule this, okay, wake up every day and do this, this,

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this and this, and then this, this, this and this, and then

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this, you know, you get the point. I just felt so encumbered

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by it. And so last Saturday, a friend of ours, a wonderful

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friend of ours loves to take our girls, they went all to a corn

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maze and had so much fun. And it was just my husband and I and we

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were like, what do we want to do today, we could do, you know, we

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could clean up something, we could do the things that need to

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be done. Or we could just go have fun, right? So we went to a

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town about an hour away, we had a fantastic lunch at this

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wonderful place. And then we went Axe Throwing, which was

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something new, neither one of us had ever done before. very

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cathartic. Also, by the way, if you haven't tried it, it's so

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fun. And it really was just the thing that I needed to break up

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the predictability chain that was happening, even though we

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have that built in time. So there really is beauty in having

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predictable schedules, and it serves you and there's also a

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lot of beauty in breaking them up either big time or a little

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time, just go away for an afternoon, whatever that is. But

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breaking up that schedule can be so beneficial for you to help

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you realize,

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you know what, I can go do this. And you know what a schedule,

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that schedule is also really nice to get to. And I was

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thinking about this. And I was like, you know, it's kind of

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like, if you know, kale is great, spinach is great. And it

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makes you function better. It makes you do better, it makes

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you think better. But that chocolate chip cookie, that

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chocolate chip cookie reminds you of the adventure of life, if

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we're just sticking with food metaphors in here. I mean, a

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good hike reminds me of the adventure of life too. But just

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sticking with food. This is what I'm talking about kale and

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spinach. Great, great, great, great, great. That cookie that

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you have every once in a while is going to remind you that is

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so good. By the way, I need to get back to eating kale because

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I feel kind of crappy now. But right. And so that it's the

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predictability is great. And the breaking it is great. You can't

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live in one place for too long, right? You have to stir the pot,

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you have to stir things up a little bit. Okay, you guys, I

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hope this helps you a little bit. I would love to know about

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your schedules. Do you have a morning routine? Do you have a

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school routine? Meaning, if you homeschool, maybe you have a

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routine for that? Or when the kids go to school? What is your

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routine for that? What do you do during the day? And then what do

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you guys do for family time? Do you have any sort of schedule

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for that? And what do you do to break it and bust it open? So

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you remember, hey, we can do this. And hey, the schedule is

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awesome. I want to hear from you. We are always building

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wonderful self led discipline and leadership in this group and

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I can't wait to hear what you're doing in your family. Thanks so

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much for being here. You're helping your family you're

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helping the world. Happy building you guys. Thank you so

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much for listening today. And I hope you were able to take

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something from our discussion that you can use to build the

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foundation of self led leadership in your own family.

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If you are a parent with children 17 or younger, and

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especially those around nine and up, I would love to extend an

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invitation to you to the best club in town. The family

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architects Club is a private club where intentional parents

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go that want to love support, connect or reconnect and really

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truly help guide their kids and teach them how to self lead in

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discipline and leadership. This is an online community and the

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you are welcome to it. Parenting is a project and you are the

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architect of this one. You plan you design and oversee the

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construction of the beginning of someone else's life. And that's

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what goes into these first 6570 days. And it will be the

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foundation for the rest of their lives. So come join the club.

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You can find your invitation on the front page of my website

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Nelly hardened.com that is n e ll ie H AR D n.com. Thank you

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again for being a part of this conversation today. And if

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something really resonated with you, or if you have a question,

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please don't hesitate to connect with me. You can find me on

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Instagram at Nelly Hardin. And lastly, if you love the

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information, please please leave a five star review and a comment

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so more and more families can be impacted by harnessing the

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strength of these ideas and tools in their own families. So

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thank you so much. Happy building you guys and I'll see

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