Welcome back to Dont get this Twisted

In this episode, Robb and Tina explore the complex nature of closure, relationships, and personal growth. They share insights on letting go, learning from past chapters, and embracing new beginnings to live a more fulfilled life.

Explicit

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Two though?

I don't think so. Sin since we've already started. And welcome to another show, don't get this twisted. I am Rob along with my co-host as always Tina. How you doing, Tina?

Okay.

I'm good, Rob, tired as hell, but I'm you know, hanging in there. Yeah.

I see that. If people can see you, you look like you're ready to go to sleep.

Well, I took a shower and I didn't put on any makeup or do my hair and I just don't give a crap to be out in society the rest of the day I'm exhausted. But I was out super late playing poker with friends and I don't know, just didn't sleep much. They had to go to work today, so now I'm just dragging ass. J yeah, just dragging. How are you?

I don't blame ya.

Drag in the booty. I get you. So some I'm all right. I actually slept very weird last night, like super duper hard. Like hard, yeah. Like when my alarm went off this morning, I kind of skyrocketed out of the out of the bed, like up, like I was waking the dead, and my poor dog jumped up with me and was like looking at me at the same time. And I was like, okay. So cause

Really?

Mm-hmm.

What the heck?

I usually I I'm usually up at like two thirty or three, you know, get up, go pee and then go back to bed. And I'll either like go and sit on the couch and kinda like lean up there and kind of do whatever. not that not today. I was out unconscious, so but it I woke the day. I was feeling like I w woke up from the dead. It was very Yeah, it was crazy. Good times.

That's hilarious. I've been there. Yeah. Yeah.

So I'm bringing one to you today. I I read a quote actually I read several quotes, but I thought this one was like really good. I'm gonna I'm gonna give you two. the first one is closure isn't getting every answer. Sometimes it's deciding you've asked enough questions, which I think is really good.

Mm-hmm. Okay.

Yeah.

And then this one. Some chapters end with an apology, an explanation, or closure. Turn the page anyway. Or some don't end with that. And I think, and I think that that it's it's a interesting thing about closure. some of us can do it, some of us aren't very good at it. there's many people in my life that I've seen

Mm.

Mm-hmm.

Who just will not close a door, regardless of the situation that they're in. I have seen I have seen someone who

has been with somebody for a very long time, then separate for a pretty long period of time. And then when their ex got with somebody, it wa it hit him really hard, even though they've already moved on. so like to me, like your closure isn't really there.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Whether 'cause like here's the thing, you you have to be able to close things out. At least that's the way I see it.

but it's not easy. I was lucky enough to do it with my ex-wife because I decided I was going to cut the umbilical cord.

Right.

I tried for six months, didn't work, didn't go anywhere. The night that she said she didn't want to try things anymore. I literally woke up the next day and was like, okay, I'm done. Time to go forward. I never talked to her about it again, never called her about it, never did anything. Just shut it off. I haven't done that many times in my life.

for some reason I keep people hanging around much longer than I probably should.

Yeah, that that will start to leave a mark on you though.

Mm-hmm. And I and I totally think that it has. for the first time I've had people actually kind of ask me about things too, like, aren't you just gonna say goodbye to that? Be done with it, close it, you know. so closing

Closure's a funny thing though. If you're not ready to let go, there's nothing there's nothing you could do to fix that. Like you have to be mindfully set to let go. I mean you have to be there's there's nothing more you could say, do or feel and you just gotta let go. And unless you get to that point, it's very hard to let go.

A hundred percent. Because sometimes you don't get the answer that you're really looking for.

I think

you get the answer. That's the problem. People don't see all the things that build up to that finality of the relationship. You gotta like really be honest with yourself and look at the whole thing and not just the last, you know, ten minutes.

Correct. I I think you're you're a hundred percent correct that people look at the whole story sometimes and then some people look at the last few minutes. And it's difficult because you want to you want to see the best of people even though you know that they're not good for you. Because the parts that made you happy about them are what you bring to the top. You know?

It is.

Yeah. Well, it it's it's easier to look at the good than it is to look at the bad. Absolutely. You know, 'cause if you love somebody especially you you will give them a hundred excuses for one thing that they did because you want to believe in them so badly. But at the same time like you have to be honest with yourself. I I mean, I'm a Pisces. There is nobody better that could make a story happen that that didn't

Hundred percent.

belong or wasn't right. I mean I could spin a story. I can. I I love to daydream. It's just who I am as a person. But on the other end of that, you gotta look at it like how are you feeling with that? Like are you okay with with you know living like that or or believing in somebody that's clearly not capable of

Giving you what you need so that you can believe in them. Like you really have to look at at all sides of it. And I spend tons of time looking at all sides and trying to figure out is this good for me, is this not good for me? Not not with everybody, because I'll give I'll give somebody a hundred chances and never never even think about that. But when it gets to the it's time to look at it, I really do.

Dive deeply into that.

Yeah, 'cause I I think a lot of people and and I'll say mostly in marriage and and long relationships, you you look at time like it's a linear thing. Like I've put in so much time. Like that doesn't matter.

It doesn't make sense either because you're supposed to be with who you're supposed to be with whenever it is that they're there. Like it's not a a thing where I I wasted time. No, you should have been learning a lot about yourself, about your partner, about what you like and don't like. I mean, you could say it's wasted time, but people are put in your life for an absolute reason. And it's not wasted time. You just

How long did it take you to get the damn lesson? You know, bec Yeah. And and that that part to me, I and I'm a slow learner, I'll be honest. I let people abuse me, not abuse physically, but like take advantage of or just plain fuck with me. And and and then finally I have to say, you know what? I can't feel this bad anymore. I have to let you go.

Right. They're learning experiences. Yeah.

No, but mentally. Yeah.

You're on your own, figure it out. Like I you know, no nothing is permanent in life except for death. So unless the person dies, anything is possible. reunification is possible, finally letting go because you see him with somebody else or or whatever the case may be, there's there's got to be a finality there. And when you get to that point, that's when you make your decision.

Right.

Yeah.

And I think that I kind of agree with everything you just said. I think there's there's certain things that will I don't want to say change the way your heart feels, but help stitch it up. w when they finally get with somebody else, I think that there's a it's easier to close that chapter off because you're like, okay, look.

I I obviously wasn't the one I have to look forward as well.

Yeah. And you know, when you have when I was young, I was in the fourth grade and I had a slumber party and I really wanted certain people to show up and and I pressed it and then when they got there they acted so damn miserable they ruined my good time. So my thing is I I learned from then quit pushing things that aren't meant to happen.

And and enjoy what is. Cause the the funny thing is whomever is supposed to be there always shows up. You know, and it's always gonna be that way. And if it's somebody that that you know you really want to be there and is it, that's a sign. That's a sign that that person's not gonna be with you for that day, for that time of your life, for that special occasion, for whatever it is, because they're not meant to.

And and if you have faith and you believe that you let go of all the expectations and you have such a better time. You really do. Because you're with the people that you're you're meant to be with. And I've struggled with that over the years because I'll try to make a shit sandwich taste good. And sometimes it's just a shit sandwich you have to throw away. You have to get rid of, you have to walk away from, you have to put it down.

'Cause it's not gonna be good for you.

And and you see you're now you're hearing how I really look at things when I finally decide to say I'm done.

Mm-hmm.

Yeah. I I think at least from what you just said and kind of how I see things, I also think now, and it took me a lot of years to come up with this, some people are only supposed to be in your life during certain chapters. And if you look at if you step back a little bit, you can see that what they brought to your life.

Absolutely.

And it's all good, even if they brought something shitty to it. Because at some point you're moving forward. Right? So, you know, look, I I I look at my marriage and it was rocky at times, good, bad, indifferent. I I got a kid from it.

Absolutely.

So I I but I think that I kind of I don't even kind of I I give my ex-wife a lot of credit because it she was, you know, 40 years old and decided she wasn't happy and she didn't stay for her kid. She didn't make that excuse. I think that's an excuse sometimes. we're gonna try to make it work for the kid.

I'll tell you now ninety-five percent of the time it doesn't work.

And that's the wrong freaking message to show your child. Because what you're saying is it's okay to be miserable for somebody else. And you're teaching them to be miserable too.

You're Yep. You're just teaching everyone in your kin folk that hey, this guy I'm with shitty. I'm gonna stay because I think it's good for whatever reason. Money, you know, we can't afford to move out. It's all an excuse.

It's all an excuse. It's an excuse for you not taking your life into your own hands and making something better than what is.

And and I've seen it in many, many women, unfortunately. I think that girls like to talk to me about their horrible issues that they're going through. And I've seen it many times. now here's the flip side I'll give you with men. Men will stay because they think they can fix it.

Is that the reason? 'Cause they they look stupid trying to do that.

I think so.

Yeah, but I think in their head, like men are very black and white. It's I can fix it, I can fix it, I can fix it. It's broke, I gotta go. But generally, if if you look at statistically, 80% of women are the ones who ask for a divorce. So men aren't asking for divorce. Twenty percent of the time they're asking for a divorce. So I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that that 20% of the time is general unhappiness and they found another woman.

Possibly. Yeah.

That's it. Because we'll we'll rough it out because here's the thing. I think men generally, unless they're getting abused mentally and verbally or physically, will stay because unhappiness to a man is has to be like I said, has to be out in the in the parking, you know.

Putting your head on the steering wheel going, fuck, I gotta go back in there, son of a bitch. Like I that's when you know you're done. Most men will go in and be like, okay, I hope she didn't have a bad day. I still love my wife. You know, we got a decent life, we got kids, things aren't horribly bad. where I think women will find something to be unhappy with and then the whole world collapses around them. And and maybe I'm generalizing.

I don't know I don't know about that because when I was getting divorced I tried everything I could. I was so frustrated at times talking because I could tell the lights were on, but nobody was home in his head. He did not want to hear me. He didn't want to know what was going on. He he just was fed up. He was just done with with trying to deal with a relationship. And I was too. So it made it very

Right.

It it was it was hard to try to work on for sure, 'cause we just got to the place where neither one of us cared to.

Right, but

But I think that you guys were are on the bell curves, right? You guys are like probably, you know, you're not in that percentile. You know, you both tried, it didn't work, you talked it out, you're still friends. You guys are well outside the percentile.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Do you know what mean? So like I'm looking at like the core group of things. And again, I I'm not trying to like defend men. Men can be pieces of shit as well. And they can be verbally abusive. There's shitty men. I without a doubt. I know there are because I've heard it from all these women. Right. I just think men hold try to hold on longer. and and maybe I'm just thinking of the thing that women once they give up, they give up.

It's just shitty people in general, men and women.

I think that's the other thing too.

Well, when they're asking for things when they're not getting them, when they're you know, like I had a I had a friend that used to say that she wanted to be bent over her kitchen island. And and that became the focus point of why she hated her husband was because how many times do I have to ask like he's he claims he wants to have sex, he wants to be close with me. I tell him what I need

And he doesn't show up to do that. I've been there. I mean, we've all been in situations where you don't get what you want, but you know, you have to look at things is that was that the whole reason or is it you're not getting met emotionally and he's not hearing what you need, huh?

Right. That's probably the breaking point. That was probably the breaking point. Cause if that yeah, if 'cause if that was it, then she's mentally handicapped. Like that's crazy. Like there's there's bigger fish to fry in a relationship. I'd be more worried that, you know, sh I'm I'm not meeting, you know, mental needs.

It w that was the last straw.

Yes. Emotional. Yeah.

You know, like I'm not being there for yeah. you know, there's to me there's and look, we all need to meet everyone's needs. There it's kind of a cross the board thing. But you have to look at the percentiles of those needs, right? Before you start saying, I'm gonna close this chapter out with somebody. That 'cause that's how I look at it. And look, like I said, some people come into our lives at the r you know.

Right right and wrong times. And I know that people were argued that fact that if they were the right person, they w would come at the right time. I I generally believe that, but

That's nothing come nobody comes with a with a big red bow on top of their head like they're a new car. Er you know, th when you're in a relationship like it it's like remember the old they still use these when they record people in the studio. The the mixer boxes with all the little levers and all the little switches and you have to go through and you have to raise some of them and lower others and turn up the volume or turn down the volume like

That's the same with learning another person. Like you you need to learn all their their little idios idioscrees and you need to learn how how they tick and what they need and if you know, it's amazing what a person will be like if they're hungry as opposed to how they are any any different time of the day or night. You know, th you have to learn all those little little things about a person.

Yeah, that's true. Mm-hmm.

Correct.

It's

In the beginning nobody's gonna come with that red bow on their head.

Yeah, look, nobody's perfect. And and truly

Mm mm.

I've said this to somebody and I'm sure it came back to bite me, but I told somebody that they were a lot one time. I'm like, man, you're a lot. And looking back on that, we're all a lot. Every single one of us are a lot. It just matters how you're a lot to somebody.

And if the other person can manage your lot. You know, your but again, if if you spend time really getting to know a person and you know how they think and feel and and you create a relationship based on trust. And and I'm really talking to women right now, like if you're sitting there telling your husband he's a piece of shit and you're not like trying to work at the things that

Correct.

you need from him with him, you're it's never gonna happen. It's you're not gonna get there because men will shut down. Men will be like, Yeah, I'm a piece of shit now leave me the fuck alone. And I've seen it. You can't you can't do that to a person. You can't come in and judge them harshly and make feel like they they are just the worst person in the world 'cause guess what? They'll show up that way. And y you know, you gotta

Yeah.

Gotta work together. If you love somebody, you have to you have to really put in time. Again, with my ex, you we don't see eye to eye on so many things, but I I know that about him. I know what what he who he is and what he needs, and he knows the same about me. And we work really hard to bridge the gap. Even though we're not married anymore, this is just be trying to be friends. We've had to learn to do that.

And and that's where things need to go. It's not about I need this and you're gonna have to give it to me. It's about how do we find the balance in the relationship so that we could get along and be happy. Not perfect, but be be something to each other that's more than just a pain in the ass that nobody wants to go home to.

Yeah, 'cause I I I think a lot of people will say things like, Well, if I'm too much, find somebody else.

Maybe you should look at why is he saying I'm too much? Like what the fuck am I doing acting like this to where somebody's like, Damn, like you took all my energy. You're too much. Why are you not looking at you on any level to find out what that means? Because you could be getting a lesson in

Yeah, it's I think it's a two-way street too. Why am I too much for you? Right? And then hearing the answer and trying to find that middle ground. Because if everything else is good, but sometimes you're just like, ooh, man, like Yeah, I think there's something there. You know? And look, some people are just broken. You know, we know we know people from our past that look

You know, how many people from your past do you know that have gotten a divorce? Right? Well, besides us, besides ourselves, right? And then look at their marriage and you're like, man, like I thought it was good. And then you start like really remembering certain things and you're like, ooh, yeah. yeah. Like they were toxic with each other. Like this, you know, they drank too much together. They did this, and all of a sudden you're like, okay.

Me you Okay.

Yeah.

I'll tell you, I'll tell you a story. I heard about someone very close to me. Very close to me. was married to somebody. And from the outside looking in, I thought him and her had this super cool marriage. and like I I saw them

Very during like events mostly. Right? then I had a good friend of mine who was friends with the wife.

Okay.

And then I found out things about him that I didn't know. and I was a little shocked. I was like, very possessive, very just probably didn't trust her.

then I heard about they went to a concert and she was going to wear this like vinyl cat suit that was like painted on her. And I remember seeing her in that and then when we went to the show, she wasn't wearing it anymore. and I found out later on that he told her don't wear that.

So you know, it it's very easy to see the smiley, happy faces of people. And then you really hear the inside. Like I heard things about this guy that I was very shocked. And the person who told me is like one of my best female friends ever. And and and it was close to home. Like I knew this guy really well.

Wow.

So now, did it change the way I think about him? No, because I think that they were just toxic against each other because they both got divorced and went on to have very good marriages with two totally different people. And I mean like really good marriages, like a textbook, been together 20-something years, still together, had children together with these other people. It I think they were young.

Yeah.

I think a lot of it was looks driven, like just they were both, you know, good looking people, and it was just young and dumb and thought, let's get married. So, you know, looking back on it, I think that they were both had issues at the time. Probably drank too much, partied, you know, a bunch of other shit. So you just never know. And and they had to close that chapter with each other.

Mm-hmm.

To move on to something that obviously was better. And

Yeah. You know, you don't really know what's going on in a person's world. I remember being very young and this is this is for me when I remember it started. Like my mom, dad, brother, me, we would be in just the worst situation. Everybody's crying, snots running of their nose, i bad situation. Me and me and my brother may have been hit with a

we what was called a stick but it was a two by two on the ass for whatever we did wrong or whatever and and the house could be fucking chaotic, right? And somebody would ring the doorbell and everybody, you know, went to wherever they needed to go, washed their face real quick, changed whatever they needed to change, picked up whatever needed to be picked up and quick, and then when the door was open, it looked like

you know, one big happy family. We got really good at pretending is what we did. To the point where one of a there was a a family friend's daughter s used to call me the Beave because our house looked and and and everybody acted as if life was always perfect. And apparently I got really good at doing that because to be called the Beave, I mean, that's that's like an old reference. However, it was very

Leave it to Beaver.

specific. And and I noticed that from growing up with these people and and others that the jealousy because I had the perfect family was insane with these other people and and they wanted what I had and they needed what I got and they they imagined that the the world I lived in was just sunshine and sunflowers all over the place. And it was not like we

Yes.

You know, the family that I come from is it was not a perfect family. We just stuck together and we learned how to make it work. But you know, nobody's life is perfect. So when you're looking at a person, like, you know, you gotta realize no they're not they don't have it easy either. Everybody's got their own their own things that they need to learn or or take care of or whatever and and

You know, if they appear happier, they look happy or social media says they're ecstatic, cool. Buy into that. But that's not the truth. 'Cause nobody's No.

Right, they're probably not. Well yeah, and and look, I think that there's people who who are looking to close chapters and they don't know how to do it. And that's even harder.

Yeah. You have to pick you first. You have to pick you to the point where you know, I I've had to do that with several people. like I remember one of my best friends, like we when we were finally done and I said, Okay, I'm good. Like I just I'm exhausted to the point I just don't want to try anymore. And and I had to have faith

that I was gonna be okay 'cause this person was someone that was so close to me and always around that I didn't know if I was gonna be able to live without having them around. But guess what? Apparently a lot of my friends didn't like that person anyway. And when when that person left my life and stayed out of my life, I got what I would have called my secondary group of people kind of pushed up. They kind of became

my best friends and to this date treat me like like no other. Like I have a really good relationship with them. So to me it was like you have to have faith that you're gonna be okay. And and sometimes you need to let people go. If they're supposed to be in their rel in your real a relationship with you again, they will. There's nothing you could do to stop that. Because we have our lessons coming regardless.

But if you don't have faith that you're gonna be okay or that something else is gonna take that attention, you're gonna stay in a situation that's just gonna be overkill on letting you know you shouldn't be in it.

Yeah, I I totally agree with that. You've you kinda hit the nail right on the head.

And

Well, I've been through it how many times? I mean you've seen me go through it in in waves where I've lost a lot of people all at the same time and I don't know, there's been times when I've been after they've left, I've been so broken I didn't know how I was gonna get myself off the ground. But you know, you gotta be you just gotta do it and know that you fuck, just give yourself a break.

Find some peace in in letting go.

Yeah.

I I think I had to do that you know a a year and something ago. I forgot when it was. But you know, since then you know

You I think I've just looked at things differently. I'm trying not to be super harsh either about things. Because like I f have found myself with like, well fuck it. You know, I'm I don't care now about anyone. Like everyone's gonna get cut off. And I think that you have to be careful about that. You know, close a chapter you true believe needs to be closed. And and and don't dog ear it. Don't

Absolutely.

Think about like, if this happens again now. You know, some things are better gone.

No. You know, you'll be exactly and you'd be surprised how you will be blessed with something that's way different, way more

Healing people that'll bring back some real goodness in you. Like I really was fortunate that when I decided to be done, I was I was so broken, so broken it was ridiculous. But because I was broken, I had nowhere to go with up. You know, leave it all behind, let it all go, give it to God, do what you have to do, now breathe. And and I went through that for

It countless times where I've had to let things go, let people go. And you know what I learned? They all come back. They all come back. So let them go. Let them learn. Let them evolve. Wish them the best. I find that the best karma you could have is wishing somebody that really has fucked you over. Wish them nothing but happiness and good fortune.

Yeah.

'Cause the more you give them that, the more they have to deal with their karma 'cause it still needs to be paid. What they did still needs to get, you know, it's checks and balances need to adjust. And and you're not putting anything more on your plate. And forgiveness is a true sign of being a mature person. And and if if somebody truly deserves the you know

Right. Comes back on ya.

They they deserve a second chance, give that wholeheartedly, but know your worst.

Yes, I agree. And and look,

People come into our lives and change you for either the worst or the better. Try to find the things of these people who are in your life and find those things that made it better. look, I I've learned some lessons over the last 10 years, lots of them actually.

Absolutely.

Sometimes you have to really, really tell someone how you feel. Like and and I mean for the better part of like instead of holding back, 'cause look, we're all guarded when it comes to relationships.

yeah.

And some people you you get in a TIF and things kind of separate and you don't talk to them again or you don't talk as much. And if you would have just really kind of thrown down the gauntlet and said, like, this is how I feel about you, I should have said this to you. For one, it's throwing it out to her her or him. And secondly, it's going to either keep a chapter open or close it.

Mm-hmm.

And then you can walk away from something with your head high. Like to me, that's yeah. And there's something to that. I I would rather go to somebody and say, Hey, this is how I feel. Obviously, you don't. Your movie gone with somebody else. I wish you the best.

You left it all on the table.

Yeah.

And and it's okay. You know, sometimes it's better to just move on from the person either that you're with or the one that you wanted to be with and it didn't work. Okay.

Mm-hmm. You also You also gotta remember you don't know what you're being spared by not having that person around. And I t I learned that a long time ago. And

Right.

there there's lessons in that too. You know, you gotta you gotta let go for your own well being, for their o own well being. It it has to happen. Like you can't just if you don't let people go, nobody's gonna evolve. And everyone needs to evolve. Now, again, until there's death, like I can't

I can't fix anything with my mom anymore. She's been gone fifteen years. But at the end of her life, she and I had some really freaking amazing conversations to where I don't have that same those same issues with her. You know, we we were able to to say what we needed. There was so much love there. So it it was I I look at it now like I miss her. We've talked about that.

But I don't have any regret in in what I did or how I did it or how, you know, I wish she would have just did that. No, we were able to let go of a lot of things and, you know, put it back together again and

That's with her being gone. Like I was able to just let go of stuff that didn't serve me anymore and and man, but it that's that's the that's the only time that you have to do that on your own. Otherwise people walk this earth with us every day. They may not be next to us, they kn may not be around us, but it's still our we still have an opportunity to fix things and and if it's meant to come back around it it surely

Correct. I I agree with that. I think look, closure's a weird thing. I didn't have major issues with my mom. but that being said, there was things there over a a few years that we had issues. But I think we closed those all out, you know, before she passed away.

So I I was kind of lucky to be able to go, okay, well, at least I did this. You know, like whew. You know, I didn't have to worry about that part. So, but you know, look, you you you even have to close chapters in death. Like there is a chapter to close. It it doesn't mean you're gonna forget people. Like, there's I I will tell you for sure a hundred percent.

yeah.

There are people that I've had relationships with from a long time ago that always stuck to me. You know, that like made me go, man, you know, I wish I'd have did this. Or, you know, I wish she would have done this. Because, you know, I've had some people in my life that that not ran away, I don't want to say it that way, but definitely

Yeah.

you know, question certain things and then they just disappear and you're like, man. And then you might end up seeing them later on. And you're like, like you've changed. That's awesome. So you're right. That you can close a you can close a chapter for now and then write a new one later. Cause I don't think you're ever going back to that other thing. You're never

Yep. That is so true.

returning to that chapter, even if you end up with that person later on. Yours writing a new chapter.

Yeah. And and hopefully a better one because the absence that you two have have had will help with you to reflect and be a different person so that it works differently the next time.

Right.

Right. And generally, you know, speaking, you know, we've talked about it on here before. I think anything under three or four years, you're probably the same person. Give or take. I mean, unless there's life altering, crazy shit.

But most people, you you have a cycle of like three or four years where you're just kind of the same person. You're not changing unless something came into your life and changed it. But I think once you get to like five years or later, you've probably changed as a human. Something has changed you. You see the world differently, you know, death in your family, your friends changed. Whatever it is that brought you to this is a new chapter to write. And I think.

Yeah.

If you're looking at it from the writing standpoint, you should be trying to write new chapters as much as you can. Because as you get older, that you know, we don't have a lot of chapters to write. You know, we're

I would agree with that.

I don't know about that. I think I have a lot of chapters still in the process of being written. A lot. G well because I'm not slowing down either.

No, but we d I mean Right, but time is n is against us. You know, regardless if you want to believe that or not. You know, as soon as you're born, you're dying. So look, I I think you should write stories in your twenties. Don't get me wrong. I could I I don't think I did that enough. I didn't write enough. But that's awesome. Like I'll tell you now that

For sure.

Yeah.

I did. I probably did a little too much if

Yeah, but that that was a lot of learning I had to go through because they weren't all good ones.

No, but you wrote chapters. I haven't closed a lot of chapters because I don't think I wrote a lot. I'm writing more I've wrote more chapters in the last ten years than I have since my divorce, which is like fifteen years. Last fifteen years I wrote more than I did before it. At least that's how I feel. I wrote more, more notes, more chapters. I really wrote for real in books more than I have than I ever did before.

Yeah, that's for sure.

So I think I'm I'm documenting my life a little bit differently in my head way more now. So when I close a chapter now, I'm closing the fucking thing. That's it. And I want and and because that's the only way we can move forward as people. So before you close that chapter, make sure it's done. So then you can be good with yourself when it closes. Because you

Yeah.

You it's hard to live with an open chapter and keep wondering what if, what if, what if, what if, what if, what if, what if? Mm-hmm.

L life is messy though, Rob. You're not gonna be able to chok to shut down all those chapters, like you can't. I mean, I think about it now, there's people that that just faded away out of my life and I don't even know what went on. I don't think either of us really knew why things faded. Life just works like that. So that chapter will still have a little you know

Hundred percent.

it'll still be ajar. The door'll still be ajar. It's just a little bit open. That's where wonderful, beautiful things could come from, you know, is that little opening. But as far as moving on, move on. Like do what you need to do. You you do have some chapters open and and they are hard to close. Especially love love chapters where people were close to you or you have that that

desire to want to be with them and tell them things and and touch them and hold them still like what you you still have all those open. And when you have people in those places in your heart, you don't leave room for somebody to great to come into

I agree with that. I agree.

And you still have it in you. You're you know it's funny with you. You're like, yeah, yeah, well, sure, sure, yeah, I'm gonna do that. Whatever, whatever. I I've been hearing that since you were 16. It's just who you are. And I think to myself, well, something's gonna stir him and force this growth. And and I've watched you go through that like so many times because you're not like me. You won't, you won't just go, I'm doing it. Like, let's just go. You're more like, well.

Yeah.

Yes. I I'm hesitant, but when I finally jump it's you generally both feet. Yeah. But you're right. I'm

You do it. Yes. But it could be anything. I remember when you didn't used to drink and I'd be like, just get drunk with us, Rob. You know, like, come on, let's have s and now you drink and I don't. So it's like Aw but Yeah. A little bit you did, but did you? 'Cause as we were all puke and you were like, I slept good, I'm hydrated, I got a good life going on. I got up early this morning, you know what I mean?

And now look at me.

Yeah. I know I missed out.

Right. Right. Right.

Did you miss it? I dunno. You may have missed the experience, but was the experience really healthy to to be in? No.

Right. And and even now I drink sparingly because I think I've seen all of those things. And I and I go, mm, mm. Mm-mm. Yeah. You know, I I I had my b my best friend, and you know who my best friend is. He he had he loved to drink. Still does, actually. And he's married now. But when we were young lads,

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

We don't need to learn from Tina's mistakes. I see it all over the floor. Yeah.

Yeah.

In our in high school lads, this guy would always get hammered and hit on girls who already had boyfriends. And I mean, this is wasn't a one-time thing. And and many a time, sober Rob would come up and go, Man, he's just drunk, dude. He didn't mean any of that shit. Blah blah blah. And I remember walking away telling him, like, I am going to kill you. Like, stop putting me in this position. And now.

Yeah.

Mm-hmm.

many, many moons later, since we've known each other for forty something years. You know, we giggle about it and, you know, he finally found the right girl and, you know, all these good things. But yeah, like these are chapters that that, you know, are great reads, but even those are closed. They're just closed differently. You know, that I think age closes some doors of silliness.

Hmm.

Yeah.

You can reminisce about them, but they're but they are like, whoo man, did we do some dumb shit? And like, wow, that could have got me arrested. Or, you know, like lots of things like that. So, you know, I I guess I just I was reading some of these things and and it's it's interesting how we look at life, you know, and how life changes.

Mm-hmm.

Here here's a a a quote near the end here. This is a good one too. It says, Close the door gently. You don't need anger to know you deserve something different. I I think that's perfect. You know

Yeah.

I think that's exactly how my divorce was.

Yeah, I a hundred percent. Look, after sitting down with both of you on this podcast, which we're gonna revisit at some point. differently though. Yeah, but we're gonna do it on a subject this time that's not relationship based. We'll do something different. because I think it's fun, you know, to to throw him in and he comes up with some of his own really good stuff. So But but you're right, like you you you guys did your best to not

Yeah.

yeah, he wants to come on again. Yeah.

Okay.

He does.

You close the door gently and it wasn't with anger and you can still chat with each other and that's important and maybe that's another thing I'm going to try to do as I go. If I'd close a chapter, I want to make sure it's not with anger. Just okay.

Yeah. No, don't do that. You know, you could be mad, especially if you're in a relationship or have been. God, you get a hate on somebody so easily. Like, I could give you a hundred and one things that used to piss me off about my ex and they're they're trivial. They're trivial. It more more I think what needed to be done was I needed to just get over it and not

have a problem with that. And and same for him, like

When we see each other now it's like I missed my friend. I'm glad you're here. Like we didn't have that when we were married. It didn't it wasn't coming out. You know, we didn't we were so caught up in being pissed off that that we weren't loving on each other and we weren't telling each other that we were good, decent people. We just weren't. Now we do. Now now he's my ally. Now he's my friend. Now he's he's somebody special in my life. Do I

I want to be married anymore? No. But I don't want to be married for him as much as I don't want to be married for me. Because I think that we both needed now we have such different lives he wouldn't have that if it was if he was still with me and I would have a different life and it wouldn't be even close to being the same one if I was with him. But we still have important roles in each other's lives. And that was because we didn't

Correct.

annihilate every good thing that ever happened between the two of us. And and you've had some really good times in your life with people and and hold on to that and look at them like lovingly. But shit, let it go so that you could have a new experience, a different experience, a better experience, a whatever experience is coming your way. Because you know we're not getting you're right, we're not getting any older or any younger.

And at any time we our life could be cut short. But I'm hoping that at the end of my life when I'm laying there dying, I could say to myself, Yeah, I'm glad I did that wasn't the smartest thing I ever did, but I'm glad I did it and sit down and I'll tell you the story 'cause it's a good one. You know. I don't wanna have regrets. Like I wish I would have done that. I wish I would have kissed him. I wish I would have had gone to that party and and changed everything. I wish no.

Not me. I go and I say I did every freaking thing I want to do. I'm dragging ass today because I was up until five o'clock this morning playing poker and and just had no business. It was a work night, had to be to work today. And and I did it. I've been dragging ass all day. But again, you write your own story. How much you want to fill those pages is up to you. But I'll tell you I'm gonna go down swinging. I wanna fill every last one of

And is there's gonna be a lot of love and a lot of loss and a lot of letting go and a lot of holding on to just the memory of it because we're all put here to do this together and nobody's perfect. So we just need to we just need to enjoy every moment that we get with every person that we get. And if it's not the person that we want in our life right now, you know that song Love the One You're With, it's kind of true. You you gotta

You gotta your life has to go on. You don't you don't wait. Don't wait.

Alrighty, I got one more quote and then I will wrap it up. It says you can appreciate what a chapter taught you without wishing to live there again.

Amen.

Close it on that. hey guys, thanks for listening. we are having the best month we have ever had as a podcast this month. Like it's out of control. It's super awesome. Thank you very much. also, you can listen to us on pretty much any podcasting format. We're everywhere. And it's an opinion show. Don't get it twisted. Keep coming back every Wednesday. That's Tina. I'm Rob.

That's awesome.

We'll see you a week. Bye.

See ya.