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78. (S3E4) The Power of Being Authentically You with Elaine Blais
Episode 78 • 2nd February 2023 • FINE is a 4-Letter Word • Lori Saitz
00:00:00 00:39:02

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Meet Elaine Blais, a certified life coach who specializes in empowering women to reclaim their personal power through the art of self-approval. Elaine has a unique perspective on life, having spent much of her own journey pleasing others and trying not to be difficult. Through her own experiences, she has come to understand the power of embracing all aspects of oneself, even those that may be perceived as "difficult." Now, she is passionate about helping others do the same, by writing a new story for their lives. Elaine believes that being a "difficult" woman is not only acceptable but powerful and she is here to support and guide you in your own journey of self-discovery and empowerment. So if you're ready to step into your power, join Elaine as she shares her insights and guides you toward living the fullest version of yourself.

Guest’s hype song is Be Who You Were Born to Be by Bliss

Resources:

Today’s episode is sponsored by Zen Rabbit. If you’d like to find peace of mind amidst the chaos and no matter what’s going on around you, you’ll find a whole bunch of free resources, like meditations and articles at ZenRabbit.com. And while you’re there, if you’re curious about how you might stop working so hard and achieve more success at the same time - get a copy of The Five Easy Ways to Start Living a Sabbatical Life. It’s a short guide to working less and living better. Find it all at ZenRabbit.com.

Transcripts

Lori Saitz:

:

Hey, my friend. Welcome to Fine is a Four-Letter Word.

Lori Saitz:

:

My name is Lori Saitz.

Lori Saitz:

:

I'm an entrepreneur, mentor, founder of Zen Rabbit, and your instigator in saying fuck

Lori Saitz:

:

being fine. This show is for those of you who are done living with the dumpster fire

Lori Saitz:

:

and are ready to find the tools and courage to transform to step into more success and

Lori Saitz:

:

fulfillment in both your personal and business life.

Lori Saitz:

:

You're in the right place for stories of self discovery, gratitude and connection, and

Lori Saitz:

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to help you strengthen that connection to your own inner guidance, you'll find each

Lori Saitz:

:

episode has an accompanying meditation.

Lori Saitz:

:

Now let's get into it.

Lori Saitz:

:

I'm so excited to have Elaine Blaze joining me today.

Lori Saitz:

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Elaine is a mid life troublemaker, a.k.a Difficult Woman, a life coach, author and

Lori Saitz:

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spiritual practitioner with a passion for helping mid life women live into their

Lori Saitz:

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dreams. Elaine grew up in an environment where she learned to people please and keep

Lori Saitz:

:

others comfortable in order to avoid humiliation and keep herself safe.

Lori Saitz:

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This way of living set the tone for much of her life as she married young, had children

Lori Saitz:

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and spent many years in a long term marriage.

Lori Saitz:

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As the oldest of five, Elaine also felt a great sense of responsibility for others,

Lori Saitz:

:

stemming from the trauma of childhood and not having adults in her life to show her how

Lori Saitz:

:

to manage her emotions and be with her feelings.

Lori Saitz:

:

It wasn't until reaching life that Elaine began to shift and figure out for herself who

Lori Saitz:

:

she truly was and what she wanted for her life.

Lori Saitz:

:

Now she is on a mission to help other women do the same and step into their power.

Lori Saitz:

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She recently started a Facebook group called A Difficult Woman Collective because woman

Lori Saitz:

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plus difficult equals powerful.

Lori Saitz:

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She lives in Rhode Island but spends half her time wandering the country in her RV

Lori Saitz:

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Silver girl with her labradoodle Gracie.

Lori Saitz:

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During this episode, we'll be diving into Elaine's personal story and her wisdom and

Lori Saitz:

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guidance for empowering others to live their best lives.

Lori Saitz:

:

So join us as we explore why being fine is a waste of time, and it's now time to embrace

Lori Saitz:

:

our true selves.

Lori Saitz:

:

Today's episode is sponsored by Zen Rabbit.

Lori Saitz:

:

If you'd like to find peace of mind amidst the chaos, and no matter what's going on

Lori Saitz:

:

around you, you'll find a whole bunch of free resources like meditations and articles

Lori Saitz:

:

at Zen Rabbit dot com.

Lori Saitz:

:

And while you're there, if you're curious about how you might stop working so hard and

Lori Saitz:

:

achieve more success at the same time, get a copy of the five Easy Ways to Start Living a

Lori Saitz:

:

Sabbatical. Life is a short guide to working less and living better.

Lori Saitz:

:

Find it all at Zen rabbit.

Lori Saitz:

:

Com. My guest today is Elaine Blase, and we have known each other for a while and she was

Lori Saitz:

:

actually the inspiration, one of the inspirations for my sabbatical road trip that

Lori Saitz:

:

I took over this summer. So I am super excited to have you here.

Lori Saitz:

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Elaine on Fine is a four letter word.

Elaine_Blais:

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I am super happy to be here and excited for this conversation.

Elaine_Blais:

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Laurie.

Lori Saitz:

:

Yeah. And I know also that you are overcoming, what, pneumonia you had.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Yes. It's been a bit of a healing journey for me in the last few weeks.

Lori Saitz:

:

Yeah. So if you need to, you know, take a, take a second.

Lori Saitz:

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At any point during this conversation, that's what's, that's what's happening here.

Lori Saitz:

:

Yeah. Let's start out with I'm curious what the values and beliefs you were raised with

Lori Saitz:

:

that that contributed to who you you became as a young adult?

Elaine_Blais:

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That's a really interesting question today, especially so part of this healing journey

Elaine_Blais:

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that I'm on.

Elaine_Blais:

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And that's truly what I believe it is, is around grief and I.

Elaine_Blais:

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Typically, as someone who studies metaphysics, metaphysics, anything to do with

Elaine_Blais:

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your lungs is usually you're holding on to grief, unprocessed emotion.

Elaine_Blais:

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And what I've come to recognize through this journey is that you

Elaine_Blais:

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talked about me being one of the inspirations for your sabbatical.

Elaine_Blais:

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So last year I let go of a lot of material possessions, physical things, a lot of my

Elaine_Blais:

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identity, and I think I didn't really take the time to grieve that.

Elaine_Blais:

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And one of the beliefs that I really discovered in this from childhood really is a

Elaine_Blais:

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pattern of self abandonment.

Elaine_Blais:

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This idea that.

Elaine_Blais:

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Because I chose these things.

Elaine_Blais:

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I shouldn't grieve them.

Elaine_Blais:

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I shouldn't grieve what I was letting go o because I made this choice.

Elaine_Blais:

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So it's kind of like you have nothing to cry about.

Elaine_Blais:

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You chose this kind of, you know, that kind of thing.

Elaine_Blais:

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What's the matter with you?

Elaine_Blais:

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And that's been a really profound thing actually going through this this few weeks of

Elaine_Blais:

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illness. And so that's a lot of my upbringing was being seen and not heard.

Elaine_Blais:

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Two, I learned two people.

Elaine_Blais:

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Please. I learn to keep other people comfortable.

Elaine_Blais:

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To keep myself safe.

Elaine_Blais:

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Really? Right?

Elaine_Blais:

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To avoid humiliation.

Elaine_Blais:

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That it was really wrong to be me.

Elaine_Blais:

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And that has set the tone for most of my life up until now.

Lori Saitz:

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Yes. Yeah.

Lori Saitz:

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So talk a little bit about how that played out.

Lori Saitz:

:

As you were growing into adulthood and figuring out who you who you were.

Elaine_Blais:

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I don't think there was a lot of figuring out.

Elaine_Blais:

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I think a lot of it was doing what I thought I was supposed to do, living the life that I.

Elaine_Blais:

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That was mirrored for me.

Elaine_Blais:

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So I married young, I had children.

Elaine_Blais:

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I was married for a very long time and.

Elaine_Blais:

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And being the oldest of five, I think a lot of that is the whole responsibility thing,

Elaine_Blais:

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you know, really thinking that I'm responsible for everyone.

Elaine_Blais:

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And a lot of that comes out of of the trauma, of childhood, of.

Elaine_Blais:

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Not having adults in my life through no fault of their own, but not having adults in

Elaine_Blais:

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my life that could mirror or show me how to manage my emotions, how to be with my

Elaine_Blais:

:

emotion. And so I don't think there was a lot of figuring out for myself until I

Elaine_Blais:

:

reached midlife. Really?

Elaine_Blais:

:

Mm hmm. And then things started to shift from it.

Lori Saitz:

:

It's so interesting because when I started this podcast 70 something episodes ago, this

Lori Saitz:

:

I was surprised by how many guests talk about not.

Lori Saitz:

:

It, understanding that they even had emotions being raised in environments where

Lori Saitz:

:

emotions were not part of the equation, Like you didn't have them, you didn't express

Lori Saitz:

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them, you weren't allowed to or they weren't even acknowledged.

Lori Saitz:

:

Yeah, and that's so interesting to me.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Yeah. And I mean, I'm sure that that's how my parents were raised, right.

Elaine_Blais:

:

And their parents and their parents.

Elaine_Blais:

:

I mean, this is historical trauma.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Really? Yeah.

Elaine_Blais:

:

So people like you and I get to be the cycle breakers, which is really cool.

Elaine_Blais:

:

But yeah, there, you know, the idea that.

Elaine_Blais:

:

It. Don't make your dad angry.

Elaine_Blais:

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Don't make me feel this way.

Elaine_Blais:

:

So. We begin to guard our own emotions or to think that those things that we feel are

Elaine_Blais:

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wrong to be felt because of how they're affecting someone else.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Right. And the truth is, those are adults who, through their own trauma, don't know how

Elaine_Blais:

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to process their own emotions.

Elaine_Blais:

:

So for me, there wasn't a lot of there was a lot of guidance around that.

Elaine_Blais:

:

When I was a kid, it was more about, you know, suck it up, check your emotions at the

Elaine_Blais:

:

door. I can remember my brother Steve, who's ten years younger than I am.

Elaine_Blais:

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And so I was about 12 maybe, and he got hurt out in the yard somewhere and his head was

Elaine_Blais:

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bleeding. And, you know, the head could be a tiny little thing, but the head bleeds

Elaine_Blais:

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profusely, right? Sure.

Elaine_Blais:

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And I'm freaking out.

Elaine_Blais:

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I'm like, Oh, my God, my brother is bleeding.

Elaine_Blais:

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I'm carrying him home. I'm screaming for my mother.

Elaine_Blais:

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And she got angry with me.

Elaine_Blais:

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She got angry with me for being emotional.

Elaine_Blais:

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There was no ability to just realize that I was scared for what was happening with my

Elaine_Blais:

:

brother. So those are those are some of the more challenging memories for me, Yeah.

Lori Saitz:

:

Oc And so you mentioned being married and having kids and not like, how did you come to

Lori Saitz:

:

the place where you went, All right, I need to change directions because the way I'm

Lori Saitz:

:

operating now is not serving me.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Yeah, it wasn't a moment.

Elaine_Blais:

:

It was probably a lot of little moments over time.

Elaine_Blais:

:

And I think the thing that really.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Well, one thing is my children were getting older and more independent, so I had more

Elaine_Blais:

:

time to sort of reflect on me.

Lori Saitz:

:

Yeah, that's often a place where people.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Very much check in.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Very much so. I think before that time I was so busy parenting and running kids around and

Elaine_Blais:

:

all of the busyness and going to work every day that.

Elaine_Blais:

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And I think a lot of that busyness, too, is.

Elaine_Blais:

:

A way that for me anyway, I avoided what I needed to feel in process.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Right. Let me just keep busy and I'll be fine.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Yeah. And I know you talk about that a lot, Lori, About right, getting out of the hustle

Elaine_Blais:

:

and the grind.

Elaine_Blais:

:

So I reached a place in my life where I had become more confident in myself and through a

Elaine_Blais:

:

number of different things to a career I'd created and started to really think about

Elaine_Blais:

:

what do I want now?

Elaine_Blais:

:

And I returned to college in my fifties for my undergraduate degree.

Lori Saitz:

:

Oh, how cool.

Elaine_Blais:

:

It's something I had always wanted to do, and I fell in love with the learning.

Elaine_Blais:

:

And there's a lot of brain drama around that.

Elaine_Blais:

:

I'm 50 something.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Can I keep up with people in class?

Elaine_Blais:

:

I'm working full time.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Can I do this?

Elaine_Blais:

:

And I absolutely.

Elaine_Blais:

:

I absolutely loved it.

Elaine_Blais:

:

I was so.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Oh, it just felt so fulfilling to me.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Yeah. And the more I did this kind of thing, the further apart my then husband and I

Elaine_Blais:

:

drifted. I think for him, being in that more traditional place was was what he signed up

Elaine_Blais:

:

for. And I knew that I had to grow out of that.

Elaine_Blais:

:

I didn't know how.

Elaine_Blais:

:

I didn't know what that would look like.

Elaine_Blais:

:

I just knew that my my soul was craving so much more in my life.

Elaine_Blais:

:

And so my 35 in the middle of going to school, my marriage fell apart.

Elaine_Blais:

:

I'd been married for 35 years.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Wow.

Lori Saitz:

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It was.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Time. A really tough place to be.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Who the hell am I now?

Elaine_Blais:

:

I'm, you know, I've been wi for so long.

Elaine_Blais:

:

What is this me thing?

Elaine_Blais:

:

How do I do this?

Elaine_Blais:

:

Even. And it was.

Lori Saitz:

:

Who am I? Yeah.

Lori Saitz:

:

Without that other person?

Elaine_Blais:

:

Without. Right.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Even if that that wasn't a great relationship at that point in time.

Elaine_Blais:

:

I still knew it.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Right. It was familiar.

Lori Saitz:

:

Yeah. And that was the person you had been with for pretty much your entire adult life?

Elaine_Blais:

:

Yeah, we grew up together in a sense.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Yeah. Yeah.

Elaine_Blais:

:

That was a really tough time for me.

Elaine_Blais:

:

And it was also, in hindsight, the greatest gift that that I, that we could have given

Elaine_Blais:

:

each other actually at that point in time.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Yeah. So that just shifted everything.

Elaine_Blais:

:

I have been on a personal growth journey intentionally an intentional spiritual

Elaine_Blais:

:

journey ever since.

Elaine_Blais:

:

You know, I discovered around that same time that my marriage is falling apart, I

Elaine_Blais:

:

discovered Louise Haigh and I discovered Deepak Chopra, and I just started to get more

Elaine_Blais:

:

and more Michael Beckwith into all of this.

Lori Saitz:

:

Oh, I love Michael.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Oh, he is. I listen, have you ever listen to his I'm going to plug him.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Actually, his Sunday morning way of meditation is fabulous.

Lori Saitz:

:

I actually I actually met him.

Lori Saitz:

:

Well, I don't I was in a room with him where he was speaking and it was a small room and

Lori Saitz:

:

the energy of that room was over the top.

Lori Saitz:

:

Incredible. Yeah.

Lori Saitz:

:

And it was because of him.

Lori Saitz:

:

It was his energy that you could feel.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Yeah, I'm not surprised by that at all.

Lori Saitz:

:

Just radiating.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Yeah. So having done all that, I started to feel really uncomfortable in my

Elaine_Blais:

:

career. It was time for that to change.

Lori Saitz:

:

To what was your career first?

Elaine_Blais:

:

I had been working for about 25 years in corporate and I had done a number of

Elaine_Blais:

:

different things, primarily customer service and some internal communications, and I was

Elaine_Blais:

:

working in internal communications when I ended my career.

Elaine_Blais:

:

And I just got to a place where the values of the organization no longer worked for me.

Elaine_Blais:

:

It's not about anybody else.

Elaine_Blais:

:

It's not about the company.

Elaine_Blais:

:

It's not It's about what changed in me, Right?

Lori Saitz:

:

Your evolution.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Exactly.

Lori Saitz:

:

And and before what?

Lori Saitz:

:

What were you studying in school?

Lori Saitz:

:

I'm curious.

Elaine_Blais:

:

I studied communications and gender and women's studies.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Okay. Yeah.

Lori Saitz:

:

And you did that, but not necessarily to further your career.

Lori Saitz:

:

I feel like you did it because you were interested in that.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Well, it's so funny that you say that because you're right.

Elaine_Blais:

:

I really wanted to have my degree.

Elaine_Blais:

:

It was something I'd always dreamed of, so that was the reason for it.

Elaine_Blais:

:

And I imagined that it would further my career.

Elaine_Blais:

:

But the funny thing is, after getting my degree, I was put up for promotion three

Elaine_Blais:

:

times and all three times I was turned down.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Oh, and so that is really the impetus for starting to think about what do I really

Elaine_Blais:

:

want? Because if this isn't happening, there's something else.

Elaine_Blais:

:

There's something better, right?

Elaine_Blais:

:

Yeah. So, yeah, it didn't it didn't do what I thought it would do.

Elaine_Blais:

:

And that's okay because it did what I needed it to do.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Yeah, which was right.

Lori Saitz:

:

That's often how things happen.

Elaine_Blais:

:

To get me to think about what do I really want now.

Elaine_Blais:

:

And in that time I graduated, I traveled and my dad passed.

Elaine_Blais:

:

And that also got me thinking about what am I waiting for?

Elaine_Blais:

:

Yeah, what am I waiting for?

Elaine_Blais:

:

And so in the spring of 2015, I exited voluntarily, a long corporate career and took

Elaine_Blais:

:

about six months sabbatical to really think about what I was doing next.

Elaine_Blais:

:

And I knew I wanted to coach.

Elaine_Blais:

:

I knew I wanted to help people in a bigger way than what I was doing.

Elaine_Blais:

:

And I was coaching and mentoring in the workplace, but a little different

Elaine_Blais:

:

environment. And the rest is history, as they say.

Lori Saitz:

:

What did you do on that sabbatical?

Lori Saitz:

:

Because I didn't know about that one.

Lori Saitz:

:

But what what you know, and I get the question, too, like, well, what's the

Lori Saitz:

:

difference between a sabbatical and a vacation?

Elaine_Blais:

:

And so what.

Lori Saitz:

:

What was it that you were doing on this?

Lori Saitz:

:

Yeah, six month, that first six months sabbatical.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Yeah. I think the word I would use to describe it as decompressing.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Mm hmm. What I realized when I first left my job, I would get up in the morning thinking I

Elaine_Blais:

:

should be doing something. I should be doing something.

Elaine_Blais:

:

I should be doing something right, because we are so in that corporate.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Yeah. And that's so that that idea of productivity all the time.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Yes. So that was really the work that I did.

Elaine_Blais:

:

That was I didn't go anywhere.

Elaine_Blais:

:

This was a stay at home sabbatical.

Elaine_Blais:

:

I spent that time learning to not be in a corporate job, learning to not have to be

Elaine_Blais:

:

productive all the time, learning to give myself permission to rest and to sort of

Elaine_Blais:

:

decouple from all of that stuff that I had been doing for so long.

Lori Saitz:

:

Yeah. It's so interesting that we have to learn how to decompress and learn how to

Lori Saitz:

:

rest.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Yeah.

Lori Saitz:

:

Like, don't these things shouldn't these things come to us?

Lori Saitz:

:

Naturally. But we've been so reprogrammed.

Lori Saitz:

:

I mean, you know them as a child, a baby, a child.

Lori Saitz:

:

But we've been so programmed, we have to deprogram ourselves and really rewire the

Lori Saitz:

:

brain.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Yeah, absolutely.

Elaine_Blais:

:

We create habits and patterns that we that serve us when we create them in most cases.

Elaine_Blais:

:

But then we tend to not we tend to be.

Elaine_Blais:

:

So I mean, we are habitual people, right?

Elaine_Blais:

:

We get comfortable with something and so we keep going with it.

Elaine_Blais:

:

And the idea, I think, is so new of actually just taking time to pause and say, Do I want

Elaine_Blais:

:

to continue to do this or or do I want to do it differently?

Elaine_Blais:

:

Or how is this really serving the life that I want to live?

Elaine_Blais:

:

Yeah.

Lori Saitz:

:

The other question I get a lot from people when they hear talk about sabbaticals is how

Lori Saitz:

:

I would love to do that, but I can't afford it.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Didn't cost me anything to stay home.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Yeah, I think that that statement is a great place for someone to inquire what they even

Elaine_Blais:

:

think is sabbatical is right.

Elaine_Blais:

:

So. So what does that mean to you?

Elaine_Blais:

:

Does it mean being in Europe for a month and maybe you can't afford it, but does it mean

Elaine_Blais:

:

being home for a week, two days?

Elaine_Blais:

:

6 a.m.? I don't know.

Elaine_Blais:

:

So it's really about what's the intention of your sabbatical, of your time?

Elaine_Blais:

:

What do you want to do with that time?

Elaine_Blais:

:

How do you want to be with yourself in that time?

Elaine_Blais:

:

What would you like to discover in that time?

Lori Saitz:

:

That right there, what you just said?

Lori Saitz:

:

How would you like to be?

Lori Saitz:

:

What would you like to discover?

Lori Saitz:

:

To me is the key difference between a sabbatical and a vacation.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Yeah, absolutely a vacation.

Elaine_Blais:

:

I'm on the beach with the margarita.

Elaine_Blais:

:

I mean, come on.

Lori Saitz:

:

Yeah, right, right.

Lori Saitz:

:

You're not really digging.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Into know.

Lori Saitz:

:

Who am I? What do I want to do?

Lori Saitz:

:

What is my life going to look like moving forward?

Lori Saitz:

:

Who? How do I find joy?

Lori Saitz:

:

Whatever it is.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Yeah, Yeah, absolutely.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Yeah.

Lori Saitz:

:

There are more self discovery elements.

Lori Saitz:

:

I believe in a sabbatical.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Yeah, absolutely.

Elaine_Blais:

:

I'm. I'm going on sabbatical for me anyway, personally, to be curious about me, I'm going

Elaine_Blais:

:

on vacation because I'm curious about a location, a place, and an event.

Elaine_Blais:

:

So where's my curiosity?

Lori Saitz:

:

Oh, yes, that.

Lori Saitz:

:

I love that. Thank you for that.

Lori Saitz:

:

So back to your story of you.

Lori Saitz:

:

After this six month sabbatical, what did you discover and what did you do with it?

Elaine_Blais:

:

Yeah, I, I really discovered that it takes a long time for me personally to really extract

Elaine_Blais:

:

myself from what I was doing and really start to see myself in my life differently.

Elaine_Blais:

:

So that took some time.

Elaine_Blais:

:

But I was more convinced than ever that I wanted to be coach, that I wanted to life

Elaine_Blais:

:

coach, that I primarily want to work with women.

Elaine_Blais:

:

So I went to school with Martha Beck.

Elaine_Blais:

:

I don't know if you're familiar with Martha Beck, but she is one of Oprah's coaches.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Yes. I took her program, which is phenomenal.

Elaine_Blais:

:

I still listen to her and follow her and started coaching, I don't know, maybe six

Elaine_Blais:

:

months after that. So and I've been doing it ever since.

Elaine_Blais:

:

And that, too, obviously has evolved.

Elaine_Blais:

:

So what I do today is work with women on the art of self approval, which to me is a little

Elaine_Blais:

:

different than acceptance.

Elaine_Blais:

:

I think acceptance is saying, well, you know, I'm not perfect, but I accept that

Elaine_Blais:

:

about myself, which is which is a beautiful place to be, especially if you come from very

Elaine_Blais:

:

low self worth. Self acceptance is sort of a step towards self approval.

Elaine_Blais:

:

But self provable to me is that I am an expression of the divine.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Always in this moment.

Elaine_Blais:

:

In an every moment.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Mm hmm. There is nothing wrong with me.

Lori Saitz:

:

Right.

Elaine_Blais:

:

So it's really about beginning to appreciate and approve of.

Elaine_Blais:

:

The places, the things about ourselves.

Elaine_Blais:

:

I want to celebrate everything about us, but this is really about looking at the places we

Elaine_Blais:

:

think we're different or unacceptable or wrong, because that goes right back to that

Elaine_Blais:

:

trauma, that childhood stuff.

Elaine_Blais:

:

And there was never anything wrong, right?

Elaine_Blais:

:

So it's about coming full circle and really reclaiming everything about yourself.

Elaine_Blais:

:

I also sometimes call it how to be a difficult Woman, because I think as a woman,

Elaine_Blais:

:

I've spent so much of my life trying not to be difficult for other people.

Lori Saitz:

:

Everything that I'm lazy for myself.

Elaine_Blais:

:

That's right. And so now it's time for me to embrace the things that I perceive or maybe

Elaine_Blais:

:

other people perceive make me difficult.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Not at anyone's expense, but in pursuit of my dreams.

Lori Saitz:

:

Yeah. Have you found that that is a belief that you have that may not necessarily be

Lori Saitz:

:

true, that you are difficult, that other people don't perceive that as being

Lori Saitz:

:

difficult. It's only your perception.

Elaine_Blais:

:

It could very well be, but it is a perception that I've learned somewhere that that I want

Elaine_Blais:

:

to be curious about.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Yeah. So if my saying.

Elaine_Blais:

:

No to someone makes me seem difficult.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Or if my expressing my opinion to someone makes me seem difficult, then I am willing to

Elaine_Blais:

:

be that in order to be authentic, in order to be in unapologetic self approval.

Elaine_Blais:

:

It's not about being mean or unkind to people.

Lori Saitz:

:

Exactly.

Elaine_Blais:

:

It's about being myself.

Lori Saitz:

:

It's about being true to yourself.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Absolutely. Yeah.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Yeah.

Lori Saitz:

:

What led to the selling all your stuff and and taking your life on the road and becoming

Lori Saitz:

:

a nomad.

Elaine_Blais:

:

So that's so interesting.

Elaine_Blais:

:

I have been.

Elaine_Blais:

:

I think I've been pursuing this for a long time.

Elaine_Blais:

:

So in 2017, maybe I packed up my SUV and my dog and outfitted it so I could camp in the

Elaine_Blais:

:

car, and we took a six week trip around the country.

Elaine_Blais:

:

It was amazing.

Elaine_Blais:

:

It wasn't. You went up.

Lori Saitz:

:

You went on like a trip with your dog?

Lori Saitz:

:

Yes.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Six weeks. Six weeks.

Elaine_Blais:

:

I have a £29 labradoodle named Gracie and a portable pet.

Elaine_Blais:

:

And somewhat in that time.

Elaine_Blais:

:

But she's portable.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Yeah. Yeah.

Elaine_Blais:

:

And I remember coming back and a friend of mine asked me if because I had some great

Elaine_Blais:

:

experiences and that wonderful people did as much as I could traveling with the dog, which

Elaine_Blais:

:

can be limiting. Yeah.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Stayed with friends and family, did some Airbnb, did some camping.

Elaine_Blais:

:

I camped in the redwoods in California, which was pretty spectacular.

Elaine_Blais:

:

And just the energy in that place.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Yeah, it's incredible.

Lori Saitz:

:

Yes, it is.

Elaine_Blais:

:

And a friend of mine said, So did this trip restore your faith in humanity?

Elaine_Blais:

:

And I thought that was an interesting question.

Elaine_Blais:

:

And I thought about it for a minute, and I said, actually, it simply renewed my faith in

Elaine_Blais:

:

humanity. There was nothing to restore.

Elaine_Blais:

:

It validated it because people are people everywhere.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Yeah, You know, we all want to be seen and heard and understood.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Mm hmm. Yeah.

Elaine_Blais:

:

And so that sort of whet my appetite.

Elaine_Blais:

:

And I have been following and learning about living nomadic valley.

Elaine_Blais:

:

And that has shifted too.

Elaine_Blais:

:

So I sold a house that I lived in a home.

Elaine_Blais:

:

It was really a lovely house.

Elaine_Blais:

:

I didn't sell something that I was tired of or didn't like.

Elaine_Blais:

:

I loved it, actually, but it was time I sold my home, sold almost all my possessions.

Elaine_Blais:

:

I mean, literally, I don't even own a bed right now and bought an RV.

Elaine_Blais:

:

It's a sprinter van type.

Elaine_Blais:

:

One of those tall vans. Yeah.

Elaine_Blais:

:

And I set off to explore.

Elaine_Blais:

:

I thought I would be a full time nomad.

Elaine_Blais:

:

I'm going to do this thing.

Lori Saitz:

:

Yeah, live out of the van.

Elaine_Blais:

:

But the more, the more I was not, the more I was gone.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Exploring and having really.

Elaine_Blais:

:

There's so many beautiful things to see and do in this country.

Elaine_Blais:

:

It's amazing. I've only tipped the iceberg, but I realized that I want a home base, so

Elaine_Blais:

:

I'm exploring that now for myself.

Elaine_Blais:

:

What will that look like?

Elaine_Blais:

:

And I do have a partner.

Elaine_Blais:

:

He and I have been together about three and one half years, so we have been talking about

Elaine_Blais:

:

maybe creating a home together that will remain to be seen.

Lori Saitz:

:

Does he travel with you?

Elaine_Blais:

:

No, no.

Elaine_Blais:

:

He's here working and living his life.

Elaine_Blais:

:

So what? I realized that full time Nomad is not for me.

Elaine_Blais:

:

So I'm going to be a part time nomad.

Elaine_Blais:

:

I'll have a home base and I'll travel when I when I'm ready to travel, which probably by

Elaine_Blais:

:

March, I'll be ready to head somewhere for a while.

Elaine_Blais:

:

But I think that I think the.

Elaine_Blais:

:

I think the key to really creating a life that you want.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Is to not be attached.

Elaine_Blais:

:

To do what you think you want.

Elaine_Blais:

:

So like the full time nomad thing for me.

Elaine_Blais:

:

If I had been holding on to that, I would probably still be traveling, but not be very

Elaine_Blais:

:

happy with myself because I think I have to do it because that's what I said I was going

Elaine_Blais:

:

to do.

Lori Saitz:

:

So allowing yourself the space to change your mind.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Yes. And I don't know about you, but changing my mind was not something that was encouraged

Elaine_Blais:

:

when I was growing up.

Lori Saitz:

:

Yeah, well, when you start learning about manifesting and visualizing, you hear a lot

Lori Saitz:

:

about what?

Lori Saitz:

:

Create a clear picture and then keep visualizing that.

Lori Saitz:

:

Because if you're all over the place and there is some some validation to this, if

Lori Saitz:

:

you're all over the place, it's like ordering at a restaurant.

Lori Saitz:

:

I'll have the eggs with bacon or actually I would never order with the vegetarian bacon.

Lori Saitz:

:

I don't know where that came from.

Lori Saitz:

:

And then the server goes away to put the order into the kitchen.

Lori Saitz:

:

You're like, Wait, wait, wait, wait. Nope, I would rather have the pancakes.

Lori Saitz:

:

And they go and put that. No, wait.

Lori Saitz:

:

I changed my mind. I'm going to have the waffles with fruit and then they can.

Lori Saitz:

:

You never get served. You're always hungry because you can't make up your mind.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Yeah, that's different.

Lori Saitz:

:

Than saying, like, eating and then later saying, You know what?

Lori Saitz:

:

I'm not going to have the same thing for lunch.

Lori Saitz:

:

I'm going to have something different.

Lori Saitz:

:

There's a subtle difference there.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Yeah, I think you're right.

Elaine_Blais:

:

And the thing about manifesting and really creating or co-creating what you want.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Is for me more about the feeling.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Mm hmm. How do I want to feel in this experience?

Elaine_Blais:

:

Yes, because there's a little tiny book written by Neville Goddard called Feeling is

Elaine_Blais:

:

the Secret. Are you familiar with it?

Elaine_Blais:

:

Awesome little book, right?

Elaine_Blais:

:

Yeah. Go to bed at night and visualize and go to sleep thinking about what you want.

Elaine_Blais:

:

But when you listen to and not Bart, and when you listen to, like Abraham Hicks and

Elaine_Blais:

:

other Law of Attraction people, there is this idea that if you keep if you're in the

Elaine_Blais:

:

wanting of it all the time and you never get it because you want it right, So you're

Elaine_Blais:

:

getting exactly what your your energetic vibration is.

Elaine_Blais:

:

And so if you're in the energy of wanting, I think the same thing happens with attachment.

Elaine_Blais:

:

If I'm attached to the outcome being a certain way, then I'm just going to be

Elaine_Blais:

:

disappointed because honestly, the universe can deliver something way bigger than what I

Elaine_Blais:

:

can imagine.

Lori Saitz:

:

Exactly. We don't know all the ways that things can show up for us.

Lori Saitz:

:

We can, like I think where you're going with this and I'll let you go on about the feeling

Lori Saitz:

:

of it, if you know how you'd like to feel.

Lori Saitz:

:

That feeling can be delivered in a billion different ways that we're not even aware of.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Exactly. I believe that.

Elaine_Blais:

:

The thing. What we want is never really about what we want.

Elaine_Blais:

:

It's about how we think we're going to feel when we have it.

Elaine_Blais:

:

And so the more we can be in that feeling now, right now, even though we have no

Elaine_Blais:

:

evidence of the thing.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Yes. Then we're actually calling it in.

Elaine_Blais:

:

We're vibrating in the feeling of what we want, which is the only way we can match what

Elaine_Blais:

:

we want.

Lori Saitz:

:

Yes, it is to be it now, which is sometimes confusing, like, well, how can I be in the

Lori Saitz:

:

feeling if I don't have the thing yet?

Lori Saitz:

:

But that the feeling is not dependent on the thing.

Elaine_Blais:

:

No. And your brain does not know the difference between having the thing or

Elaine_Blais:

:

imagining the thing, right?

Elaine_Blais:

:

So when you're in the imagination of it, you can be in the feeling of it.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Yeah.

Lori Saitz:

:

Yeah. And this is why those customized meditations that I create for people are so

Lori Saitz:

:

powerful is because I'm taking them on a journey and getting them into the feeling of

Lori Saitz:

:

the thing. Yeah, even though it has not physically shown up yet.

Lori Saitz:

:

Yeah, but getting them into the feeling calls it in like you said.

Elaine_Blais:

:

One of my favorite things that I do with clients in in workshops is the future self

Elaine_Blais:

:

visualization. And you probably familiar with that.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Lori Right. Taking I take people on a journey to meet their future self because

Elaine_Blais:

:

that version of us actually exist right now.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Yes. And there is so much wisdom to be found by having this meeting, if you will, with

Elaine_Blais:

:

your future self and that version of us already.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Already has done all the things that we want to do.

Elaine_Blais:

:

And so the idea behind that is to then right now, today, in this moment, not in the

Elaine_Blais:

:

future. Yeah.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Show up as that future self.

Elaine_Blais:

:

So what's the one tiny thing I can do right now to be that version of me?

Elaine_Blais:

:

And that puts you in the energy of what you want as well.

Lori Saitz:

:

Yeah. And talking about the future self reminds me of a book I recently read by Dr.

Lori Saitz:

:

Benjamin Hardy called Be Your Future Self Now The Science of Intentional

Lori Saitz:

:

Transformation. And he talks about exactly what you're talking about and also that that

Lori Saitz:

:

we are going to change and become someone in ways that we can't necessarily imagine right

Lori Saitz:

:

now. Because if you think back five years ago, that person that you were five years ago

Lori Saitz:

:

is a very different from the person you are today, presumably.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Yeah, absolutely.

Lori Saitz:

:

And so your your self five years ago could not necessarily imagine who you would be

Lori Saitz:

:

today. So to your point of the small steps, that's all you can do is because imagining

Lori Saitz:

:

who you're going to be in five years may be kind of you can again imagine how you would

Lori Saitz:

:

like to feel, but all of the circumstances surrounding that, that's that may be out of

Lori Saitz:

:

reach because you're going to grow and develop in ways you can't even imagine today.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Yeah, absolutely.

Elaine_Blais:

:

The only place you can act or take an action is right now.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Yeah. You can't act in the future or the past.

Elaine_Blais:

:

So visualizing and getting into the energy in the feeling of.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Who you are or who you want to be or how that feels.

Elaine_Blais:

:

And then taking that into right now, and sometimes it's the tiniest thing for people.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Yeah. You know, sometimes it's just about changing the way you dress.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Mm hmm. Right.

Elaine_Blais:

:

You see yourself dress differently, and you start to change that.

Elaine_Blais:

:

And you feel that energy of who that that version of you is.

Elaine_Blais:

:

And you start to act that way every day.

Elaine_Blais:

:

You know, I often just say to people, So what is if you were that version of yourself,

Elaine_Blais:

:

how would you wake up in the morning?

Elaine_Blais:

:

What would your first thought of the morning be?

Elaine_Blais:

:

Yeah, because a lot of us get up and it's like, oh, the alarm, whatever.

Elaine_Blais:

:

All of that moan and groaning stuff, Right?

Elaine_Blais:

:

What if you didn't moan and groan?

Elaine_Blais:

:

Yeah. What if you chose a different thought feeling in that moment to wake up with?

Elaine_Blais:

:

Yeah. Just tiny things.

Lori Saitz:

:

Try anything?

Elaine_Blais:

:

Yeah. Yeah.

Elaine_Blais:

:

See what happens.

Lori Saitz:

:

Yeah. And I love that you're talking about who would you want to be?

Lori Saitz:

:

Who would you like to be?

Lori Saitz:

:

Because that is really the the question and I've talked about this, I think, on other

Lori Saitz:

:

episodes as well.

Lori Saitz:

:

When we ask children, what do you want to be when you grow up?

Lori Saitz:

:

Wrong question. Who would you like to be?

Lori Saitz:

:

Yeah, and asking ourself the same question every year.

Lori Saitz:

:

We're recording this at the beginning of a new year, and that's kind of irrelevant.

Lori Saitz:

:

Like you can start over any minute you want.

Lori Saitz:

:

It's not necessarily important that it's the beginning of a new year, but my point is that

Lori Saitz:

:

the this is the time of year when a lot of people are looking at things and going, What

Lori Saitz:

:

do I want to do this year?

Lori Saitz:

:

The better question for me is who would I like to be?

Elaine_Blais:

:

Yep. Yeah.

Elaine_Blais:

:

One other thing, one other exercise that I've done with people and often in workshops

Elaine_Blais:

:

and classes is instead of creating a to do list.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Create a daily to be list?

Elaine_Blais:

:

Yes. So who do I want to be today?

Elaine_Blais:

:

I want to be kind.

Elaine_Blais:

:

I want to be accomplished.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Maybe whatever it is.

Elaine_Blais:

:

But what is going to be my state of being?

Elaine_Blais:

:

Because that's my energetic place.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Yeah, that's where everything else is going to come from.

Elaine_Blais:

:

We don't manifest anything from the outside world.

Elaine_Blais:

:

We have to be it.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Yes. Yes, we have to become it.

Elaine_Blais:

:

So who do I need to be today?

Elaine_Blais:

:

To move a little bit towards that version of me.

Lori Saitz:

:

That is a fantastic place to end this conversation.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Before.

Lori Saitz:

:

We'll leave people with that thought.

Lori Saitz:

:

But all right, before and before we completely leave, the always question of what

Lori Saitz:

:

is the song you listen to when you need to, an extra boost of energy when you want to be

Lori Saitz:

:

more energetic.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Yeah, I have a big long playlist, but probably the one that comes to mind that I

Elaine_Blais:

:

love the most is a song by Bliss called Be Who You Were Born to Be.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Got to jump off that cliff and be who you are born today.

Lori Saitz:

:

I am not familiar with that song, and of course I'm going to go listen to it right now

Lori Saitz:

:

after we finish this, because I, I no doubt it's a great one.

Lori Saitz:

:

One of the great things also about living a nomadic life and the in this time in history

Lori Saitz:

:

is that if people wanted to get in touch with you, they don't need a physical address.

Lori Saitz:

:

Where where would people find you if they wanted to continue a conversation with you?

Elaine_Blais:

:

Elaine A few places.

Elaine_Blais:

:

So my website is Elaine Blaze.

Elaine_Blais:

:

That's BILA I Ask.com.

Elaine_Blais:

:

I am mostly on Instagram, on social media and Elaine Blaze coaching and I do have a

Elaine_Blais:

:

Facebook group for women called A Difficult Woman Collective, which I would love to have

Elaine_Blais:

:

more women join because the conversation there really is about self approval, about

Elaine_Blais:

:

reclaiming what we think makes us difficult and really stepping into our power to be who

Elaine_Blais:

:

we are.

Lori Saitz:

:

Fantastic. I'll put links to all of that in the show notes.

Lori Saitz:

:

Thank you so much for joining me today on Fine is the four letter word.

Elaine_Blais:

:

Thanks, Lori. This is a blast.

Lori Saitz:

:

I am so grateful to Elaine for her inspiration.

Lori Saitz:

:

Not sure I would have sat out on my own sabbatical if not for that conversation with

Lori Saitz:

:

her back in July.

Lori Saitz:

:

Here are the key takeaways from today's episode.

Lori Saitz:

:

Number one, many of us use keeping busy as a way to avoid processing emotions and

Lori Saitz:

:

feelings, but that's never a long term solution.

Lori Saitz:

:

We can tell ourselves we're fine, but you know how we feel about that word here, right?

Lori Saitz:

:

Number two, people pleasing and putting the needs of others ahead of ourselves is a

Lori Saitz:

:

safety mechanism.

Lori Saitz:

:

But all it ends up doing is making us feel small and insecure.

Lori Saitz:

:

Number three, you don't have to settle for work that doesn't align with your values,

Lori Saitz:

:

whether it's a change in yourself or the company you work for when things don't line

Lori Saitz:

:

up anymore, it's time to move on.

Lori Saitz:

:

Number four in the world we live in, rest is not intuitive.

Lori Saitz:

:

We have to intentionally relearn how to step away from work, how to not be productive, and

Lori Saitz:

:

how to give ourselves permission to rest.

Lori Saitz:

:

Number five The key to creating the life you want is to not be attached to what you think

Lori Saitz:

:

you want. It's okay to change your mind.

Lori Saitz:

:

Number six What we desire is never about what we desire.

Lori Saitz:

:

It's about how we think we're going to feel when we have it.

Lori Saitz:

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And you don't actually have to have that thing to feel that way.

Lori Saitz:

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The more you feel it without having it, the more likely you are to actually get it.

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