Mortgage rates are back near 7%, so a lot of folks are stuck loving their houses — the average homeowner gave theirs a 7.5 out of 10. I’m Haystack and we ripped off a speedy Morning 6‑Pack with six goofy, practical ways to nudge that 7.5 into a 10. We throw out ideas like an instant bidet from the sink, a stripper pole in the game room, clearing the fridge down to beer and pizza rolls, and paving the backyard so you never mow again. It’s fast, sarcastic, and weirdly helpful — basically home improvement meets compromise with your mortgage. We save the wildest finale for the show, so listen if you want the full punchline and a bunch of dumb, useful ideas.

Takeaways:

• We laugh but I warn: mortgage rates near 7% make moving feel painfully expensive, so we stay.
• I point out the average homeowner gives their place a solid 7.5 out of 10, cute and real.
• We joke about the toxic love thing — if you’re stuck at 3.2% interest, you basically never move, lol.
• I share that almost half of homeowners are renovating instead, trying to make a 7.5 become a perfect 10.
• We give silly top-six tips — instant bidet, stripper pole, concrete backyard, pizza-roll-only fridge, or kick out the fam.

Good morning.

Haystack with you.

Mortgage rates are back near 7%, which is not good.

It also means that a lot of Americans are looking at their current house and saying, you know what?

Maybe I do love this place.

A new survey says that the average homeowner rates their home a 7.5 out of 10.

That's pretty good.

That's not bad.

Seven and a half on average.

So it's basically I love you house.

I mean, your closet situation's a little embarrassing, but you're doing pretty good.

One out of five homeowners say they are currently looking to break up with their home.

Maybe the repairs are too much, maybe the neighbors are too noisy, critters moved in, water damage, walls cracking, maybe.

Maybe their financial situation has changed, or maybe the house is entering its constant attention era.

But with mortgage rates where they're at, breaking up with your house is complicated because your house may be annoying, but there's a pretty good chance it has your old interest rate.

So it's basically a toxic relationship.

Now you think to yourself, yeah, the basement smells weird, the garage door screams a raccoon, thinks it has squatters rights.

But baby girl, you're at 3.2%.

So we're staying together forever.

So instead of Moving, nearly half, 46% of homeowners say they're trying to turn their current home into their dream home, whether that be with a new kitchen or better landscaping, more storage or bigger closets.

And it's kind of adorable when you think about it.

I mean, we all know that the real American dream is not just home ownership.

It's having enough storage to hide the evidence of home ownership.

But again, people giving home a 7.5 rating out of 10 on average sounds pretty great.

That's not bad.

But it's, it's not perfect.

Let's see if we can come up with at least, I don't know, six ways to turn that 7.5 home into a 10.

Well, gather round folks.

It's the time of day when we laugh and smile in a light hearted way.

Tune in for the giggles and let's kick back.

Here comes the fun.

It's the morning.

Six, six pack.

These are the top six ways to turn your home into a 10.

To take your home from a 7.5 to a 10.

Number six, run a hose from the bathroom sink to the toilet.

Instant bidet.

Number five, add a stripper pole to the game room.

Number four, drive your home to a nicer neighborhood.

It only applies to some of us.

Number three, clear out everything from the refrigerator except for beer and pizza rolls.

Number two, cover the entire backyard in concrete so you never, ever have to mow again.

And the number one way to take your home from a 7.5 to a 10.

Well, duh.

Get rid of the family that you share it with.