In this episode I recap my twin boy's birth story as they turn 5 today and then I glitch thew whole mother fucking matrix as I showcase why autonomous motherhood is REQUIRED in this world full of hate & evil.

This is for the women who are AWAKE, waking up, or wanting to wake up to the TRUTH. She wants to make decisions that contradict the narrative, go against the grain, buck the systems, and break the matrix.

She wants shared value, zero judgement support while she generates the courage to do the SCARY SHIT her intuition is requiring her to do.

That's when she hires the Intuition Doula, and joins my program The Autonomous Mother.

https://www.taylornosakhere.com/the-autonomous-mother

If she needs to dip her toe in she snags the private podcast How the Fuck to Trust Yourself

https://www.taylornosakhere.com/how-the-f-to-trust-yourself

Hi guys.

Welcome back.

It's been a little hot minute since I have recorded an episode and I've missed it.

Oh my God, I missed it.

Childcare is a doozy and I have a very clingy, needy 2 year old who's not napping consistently.

So anyways, I'm here now.

Last weekend I went to an event that was very, very impactful for me and my business.

It was a room of women in the online space, mostly business owners, entrepreneurs, most of them coaches.

And the integrity was so high.

The hierarchy that tends to come through in this online space that's just super weird and gets pedestally for no reason was completely broken down and things were anchored into me about how I want to show up and who I want to serve.

And my, my mission was just solidified stronger.

I don't even know how that's possible.

It's like before I had an anchor and the anchor was like at the bottom of the ocean, anchored down.

And then I went to this event and I had some really powerful conversations and then that anchor that was at the bottom of the ocean was pulled down to like the core of the earth and like locked in.

That makes any sense.

It's like the anchor was already down there, but it got like pulled underground and like sucked in by the magnetism of like this core power.

Like, that's how I feel.

And today I want to read to you and then talk about a post that I just posted on Instagram wildly enough.

A story that I thought people close to me knew or people that had been following me had like, seen before.

But I realized I really haven't told this story in a while.

And I realized that there was just like pieces that people that I thought maybe it's weird.

You think people know your story and know your journey and you're like, oh, yeah, I've talked about that before.

People know that.

No, they don't.

People don't fucking know.

Okay?

They don't fucking know.

Tell it again.

Tell it from a different angle.

Add details you didn't add before.

So here I am about to tell you part of my story and a huge part of why this work is so important to me.

And I just want to read you this post that I wrote.

And then I'm probably going to ad lib and want to talk about it.

So that's what we're going to do in this episode.

And this is about my birth story with my.

My boys.

Today is actually their fifth birthday, hence the timeliness of the post.

And it just dropped in like, sometimes these things just drop in.

This wasn't, like, well thought out.

It's something I had kind of been contemplating wanting to share more of because it's a deep part of the reason why I do the work that I do and showcases, like, my embodiment of the work that I do.

But it really just dropped in this morning.

So, anyways, I'm just gonna start reading it and then I'll read the caption.

Five years ago today, I was choosing to transfer for a C section from my planned home birth at 42 weeks with my twin boys.

We had been working to get a contraction pattern going for weeks.

The day before, my water broke.

So we were trying harder now, like, harder now than we were before.

I was trying to keep my spirits up, but I was getting defeated.

Imagine you're 42 weeks with twins.

Every day you wake up and you're not, like, in labor.

You're kind of feeling defeated.

Against all societal norms.

I was doing all the things to try and get labor going in order to have a breach baby A and a wild card baby B at home.

The ultrasound tech seemed annoyed to see me at 39 weeks because they said that, or, excuse me, they had, quote, recommended delivery at 38 weeks.

She didn't agree that taking it day by day was a plan.

I didn't go back to her for the following scans.

I was asked by my collaborative OB if I wanted a C section.

When I saw him at 41 weeks, I politely declined.

My gut still said not yet.

Four days prior to my water breaking, I had been dilated to 5cm.

Baby's butt was engaged for a properly positioned breech delivery, but no contraction pattern was there.

Like I said, we tried everything.

I hadn't had a cervical check in days.

I finally went to bed.

This is the day my water broke.

And in the middle of the, of the night, my contractions began on their own for the first time ever without help.

Ever, you guys.

I mean, ever.

Like, even including my first pregnancy.

So I was, like, so emotional.

I was like, holy fuck, I'm laboring on my own.

I labored alone in my room for an hour.

I talked to my baby A, I told him, we've got this.

And I'm listening.

I, I, I'm gonna ad lib here.

I remember, like, walking around my room and just like, holding, holding my belly and like, rocking back and forth and just like, letting the waves come and just talking to him and being like, we've got this, we've got this.

I'm listening.

I'm listening.

And I just kept saying those things to him and I was talking specifically to him.

Cause I, I say that was his labor because he was baby A.

Eventually contractions stopped, but I wasn't discouraged this time.

I thought he was giving me that final bit of rest before the finale.

I woke up by myself to no contractions.

I was sad, but I got in the shower.

This is when I had the game changing conversation with my baby.

A and my intuition.

I literally stood in the shower and held my baby, like held my belly and cried and talked to him through tears.

I told him, you know something I don't know and I am listening like truly like ad libbing again here.

But like I was listening when you were like putting my body into labor when I thought things were good.

But now that labor has stalled yet again.

This makes me emotional.

Talk about like I'm closing my eyes as I'm saying this and I'm like remembering that moment.

Like I'm listening.

Like you clearly know something I don't know.

And I want you guys to think about this.

Like when you're having a baby, you were like co creating it.

It's like collaboration.

Like you're doing it, but also they're doing it and they have a knowing as well.

So.

So I said, you know something I don't know and I'm listening.

Got out of the shower.

My midwife is there.

I remember she's like, I think I need to check you.

We need to kind of see what's going on.

I said, okay.

My midwife checked my cervix and I and said words that I was not expecting.

She told me that I had gone from 5cm to 4cm in the matter of five days and she could no longer feel a butt.

She said, I don't know if I'm feeling a hip or a back, but this is no longer an engaged but meaning a proper breach presentation had become a transverse lie.

It is very, very dangerous to birth a transverse baby.

You can't.

I promised my baby that I was listening and he was speaking loudly.

It was time to transfer.

I was at peace knowing that I was choosing this, like this was a choice in that moment I was thinking like, I could get the body worker here, I could get the chiropractor here, I could get the acupuncturist here.

We could do some spinning babies and you know, create more space in my womb and get him to go back, breach and then quote unquote, force a contraction pattern back on my body.

Mind you, I'm at 42 weeks pregnant and I have yet to have a contraction pattern that wasn't induced by some sort of herbs or squatting or the breast pump or walking around the block in the snow or doing stairs, except that hour that I had that labor in my room the night before.

So I would be like forcing a contraction pattern on a malpositioned baby.

And even if I got him in a better position, there was just, you know, he kept slipping back and forth, back and forth.

He had done this the entire third trimester.

So that was the other piece of this.

So again, I promised my baby.

I was listening and he was speaking loudly.

It was my time to transfer.

Or it was time to transfer.

I was at peace knowing that I was choosing this.

Though it wasn't what I planned or wanted, it was my autonomous choice when I made it.

I followed my intuition each step of the way and never allowed myself to be fear mongered or pressured into.

Even though the status quo would have had me, quote, deliver at 38 weeks.

Instead I was able to claim my power in my choices.

Autonomy was non negotiable the entire time.

My choices were mine, not made for me by a corrupt profit driven maternal health care system operating within the matrix trying to control powerful as fuck mothers.

Moments like this, where autonomy feels like everything, choices feel like power, and I feel like an active participant in my births and my life are why I'm so passionate about helping mothers find that for themselves.

The autonomous and the mother is not just my program nor my business.

This is my way of life.

It's the identity that I hold and desire for each one of my clients.

And the caption reads, my soul's mission in this lifetime is to support the mother as she reclaims the autonomy that's been stripped of her for generations and will continue to be stripped for generations to come if it doesn't stop at her.

Your eyes are wide the fuck open or they are opening to the evil of the elites, I. E. Puppet masters, I. E. The Matrix.

You know, the truth lies outside the system, the mainstream narrative, the 3D.

You feel the nudges to move in a different direction than most, to go against the grain, but it feels like what it is, paddling upstream.

You hear the whispers of your inner knowing guiding you to make unconventional choices.

Maybe you've already made some, but you're still hiding parts.

You're still scared to go more off the beaten path.

And I get it.

I've been there.

Your primal need to be part of the pack is kicking in your brain is screaming, this isn't safe.

You'll be cast out and die alone.

Like literally, your primal brain is telling you you're going to die.

Following the direction from your intuition is complicated when your brain is begging you not to, and it's scary as fuck.

I know this is exactly why the Intuition Doula exists and why my program, the Autonomous Mother, was born to support you as you become her.

The Autonomous mother, stepping into your version of her just as a birth doula will support you as you have an autonomous birth in a system that wants you to think you're powerless.

The Intuition Doula supports you as you reclaim your power in motherhood.

You already know you have to make hard choices, create firmer boundaries, have uncomfortable conversations, and make peace with being misunderstood by people you care about.

But you don't have to do it alone.

You can just like you can birth alone.

But you are meant to be supported.

We are meant to do this in community.

You've heard it a thousand times.

It takes a village.

Okay, get your butt in the Autonomous Mother.

The next round starts this coming Monday, March 2nd.

We are doing this work together.

I am linking arms with you.

I am getting in the nitty gritty of your bull.

The patterns, the fears, the judgments, the hesitations.

We're talking discernment.

What's intuition and what's fear?

What's intuition and what's past programming.

We're getting into all of it.

We're talking about how you are designed to make your best decision.

This work is so much more to me than work.

This work is so much more to me than a business, than a way to make money.

This is truly a soul mission.

I said it at the beginning of my caption, but I think I'm gonna say it again and just really feel it this time as I'm saying it.

My soul's mission in this lifetime is to support the mother you.

Is to support you as you reclaim the autonomy that's been stripped of you for generations.

The autonomy your mom didn't get, your grandma didn't get, your great grandma didn't get, and will continue to to be stripped for generations to come.

Your daughters, your sons, if it doesn't stop with you, this lack of autonomy that the powers that be want us to exist in so that they have control over us, power over us, can manipulate us, get us to do what they want, so that they can hold all the money and the power, and they are full of evil and hate is a big fat fuck no to me when and those of us that are Full of love and compassion and good.

We are here to combat that evil, to combat that hate.

But the only way that we can do that is if we remember how powerful we fucking are.

You had babies.

You grew humans inside your body and birthed them.

And if you are a mother in another way, that shit was fucking hard too.

You are raising humans, the next generation of humans.

You are leaving a legacy.

And I want the legacy you leave to be to imprint on your babies, your children that are going to grow into adults, into this world full of hate and evil, that they can do it their fucking way, that they get to fucking choose.

Fuck the system, fuck the narrative.

Fuck the matrix, full of evil and hate.

They get to do it their way.

Driven by love, driven by good.

God, like, this work is so fucking deep, it gets hard to describe and it gets me emotional and fired up.

And I just want to wrap my arms around all of the mothers who feel like their birth, their life is happening to them, that they are not an active participant, that they are just stuck within the confines of their circumstances.

Fuck that noise.

Fuck that.

No, I reject that so hard.

I pursued home birth, midwifery care twice, with twins.

Two sets of twins.

I fired a doctor mid labor as I was delivering my first child.

I had to deal with the judgments and the fallouts and the uninvites of not taking a shot that was forced upon us as a society in the middle of a pandemic that was orchestrated, frustrated by powerful motherfuckers who are full of hate and evil.

They did it on purpose.

They did it to control us.

And I said, that noise.

And whether we agree on that or not, it doesn't matter.

I mean, it kind of does, but it doesn't.

If you're still getting your boosters, you're probably not my person.

Let's be real.

If you haven't woken up by now, you're probably not my person, that's okay.

But if you're like, what the is she talking about now?

I'm kind of interested.

DM me.

No judgment.

What's right for me doesn't have to be right for you, that's fine.

If you are autonomously making that choice, that's fine.

But if you are doing it because somebody told you to, and that somebody that told you to was a system, a narrative, fucking propaganda.

I just want you to check in.

Am I making this choice for me from me, or is.

Does this choice.

Is this choice motivated by fear?

Fear is the opposite of.

Of love.

Hate wants us scared.

Evil wants us scared.

And this is not a podcast about fucking conspiracy, whatever.

But what this is is me illustrating to you how vital your autonomy is, how vital trusting your intuition when it is whispering, nudging, and then screaming at you to make a shift, to do something different, to do something against the grain, something that will get you cast, out, canceled, ostracized, misunderstood, even disliked or hated.

When your intuition is telling you to do that, it is so fucking scary.

It does feel like paddling upstream, upstream and towards a waterfall that you're about to fucking fall out, fall off and die if somehow those two things could happen the same time.

But you get what I'm saying.

The thing that your intuition is asking you to do is really fucking scary.

And I get it.

It is scary, scary.

I remember the feeling in the pit of my stomach when I was making choices that I knew the people close to me did not agree with, the people I loved did not agree with, and it was making them question my character, my integrity, things that I really, really value.

That shit is not easy.

It is not easy to be misunderstood.

It is literally my biggest shadow.

I do not like being misunderstood.

But I am willing to be misunderstood in order to follow my intuition.

Because my intuition is never wrong.

Because my intuition is the voice of God speaking through me.

And the voice of God is the epitome of love, God, creator, divine, source, whatever you call it.

That is love.

So if love is guiding me, it is always going to contradict hate, evil, always.

And I am so fucking sick of seeing moms who are doing the most powerful thing that they could possibly do in their lifetime, grow and birth another fucking human, have their power stripped away from them, to be made to feel small, unseen, unheard, unvalidated, unimportant, powerless.

Like they were sick and needed to be managed, like they were an accident waiting to happen.

I'm so sick of it.

And I'm not blaming the mothers, by the way, but that is what I'm here to change.

And that is what the intuition doula is.

That is the work we do inside the autonomous mother.

We start with the six week intensive and then you have the option to grow with me in a six month container where I hold you as you live, what you've learned, as you flex the muscle as life lives.

And you have to integrate these things that you are learning and practice them in real time.

And to have the support of someone who shares values and who is willing to see you and listen and validate the fuck out of you and help you see the things that you can't See, see, as you verbally process all of the jumbled up fucking mess in your head about these decisions that you have to make as a mother that feel really, really hard and scary.

I hold space for you just like I held space for women as they would birth their children.

I am holding space for you as you birth you.

You are birthing the autonomous mother into existence and I am holding space for you and supporting you as you do that, because you can do it alone, but you do not have.

I just don't think that you.

I don't like to use the word should, but here's the deal.

When a mom has to fight for her birth plan and advocate for herself in birth and remind doctors.

No, I didn't want that.

Hey, can I have that?

Hey, I need a glass of water.

Hey, can I have, you know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

She's not really able to be in her primal brain, to be in her body so that her body can give birth.

She's in her head.

Oxytocin isn't able to flow freely because she is having to keep that cortisol spike, that adrenaline spike, because she's having to advocate for herself along the way.

But if she has the right support, if she builds the team around her, the providers that she actually trusts because they actually share her values and a partner, a doula like, who can read the room and who knows what she needs before maybe she even knows she needs it and, or you know, she doesn't have the capability in that moment to ask for it because she's like mid contraction.

But the doula just knows that is the support that I give my clients as they navigate advocating for autonomous motherhood, doing the hard thing that their intuition is asking them to do.

And this is way more than just one decision.

Many times this is multiple, multiple micro decisions, sometimes maybe large decisions.

And I support her, I hold her, I see her as she does the work to birth this version of herself.

And as if that is something that you want a piece of, that you want in on.

God, I would fucking love to have you.

I would love to have you.

The autonomous mother is open for enrollment.

You can start with the six week live intensive.

You can upgrade to the six months for the price of another six weeks.

So for the price of 12 weeks, you get like 24 weeks or something crazy.

Because again, life is going to life.

New decisions are going to come your way, things are going to happen and you're going to need support through that as it happens.

This is not a one and Done type thing.

This is a flex the muscle as you grow type thing.

Flex it to get stronger, flex it to get stronger.

And then the weight that used to feel heavy will feel light, meaning the conversations that used to feel uncomfortable will become your baseline.

The boundaries that used to feel hard to, like, really, you know, stick with and implement it feel really, really uncomfortable and weird will now just be no fucking brainer.

So the autonomous mother is open for enrollment, and if you need just a little bit of a taste of the work that we do inside there, go get my private podcast.

It's $9.

Guys.

I literally just spent $9 on a coffee this morning.

I shouldn't have, but I did.

$9.

It's called how the fuck to trust yourself.

And it lie, like, lines out my framework.

And it's not just a listen and like, okay, cool.

No, it's like, I take you through an exercise, I give you all of the pre work for the program, the questions that I'm asking that pull out of you.

This isn't just like, oh, it's journaling prompts.

Just journal and, like, feel good.

No, these are like the journaling prompts, the questions that will pull out of you the things that you didn't even really know were there.

Okay, go grab the podcast if you need to, but if you're like, I am just so fucking ready.

I am just so fucking ready to become the autonomous mother, to have support through these against the grain decisions that I'm having to make that my intuition is screaming at me to make.

Get your butt inside the autonomous mother.

I love you so much, and I will talk to you guys next time.