“If things haven’t been buttoned up, wow, that really distracts from the grieving process.”

Our hosts, Natalie and Dan Slagle, address the elephant in the room for many families: how to talk to aging parents about their finances. When you're talking about $124 trillion changing hands over the next couple of decades, this stops being someone else's problem and becomes everyone's reality.

Dan gets vulnerable about his experience after his mom passed away unexpectedly, sharing everything from finding her handwritten financial notebook in the attic to the surreal moment of teaching his dad how to use an ATM. He reminds us that we might not know as much about our parents' financial lives as we think.

They’re not saying be greedy or pushy. Rather, it’s about making sure your parents' wishes actually get carried out and sparing everyone the administrative nightmare that comes with poor planning. Dan's story proves that having these tough talks early means you can focus on what really matters when loss hits: healing and remembering, not hunting down account passwords.

Natalie admits she took a more direct approach with her own parents, basically telling them, "Handle this or it becomes my problem." It might not have been the most tactful way to put it, but it worked. The lesson there is to find your family's communication style and lean into it.

Start the conversation now, before you're forced to figure it out in crisis mode.

Key Topics:

●     The $124 Trillion Wealth Transfer (04:08)

●     Breaking Communication Barriers (06:35)

●     Dan's Personal Loss Experience (10:42)

●     Essential Planning Steps (13:38)

●     Family Meeting Strategies (24:37)

Resources:

·      Helping a Parent Navigate Finances After Loss (blog post)

Natalie Slagle, CFP® and Dan Slagle, CFP® are the founding partners and lead financial planners at Fyooz Financial Planning — an independent firm dedicated to helping high-earning couples in their 30s and 40s confidently navigate the complexities of managing money together.

At Fyooz, they specialize in turning financial stress into strategy, guiding couples through everything from cash flow and investing to aligning money with shared goals.

Disclaimer: For updated disclosures, please visit fyoozfinancial.com.

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Like, it's really fascinating to me, right? Like, the it's like a generational change, at least from my perspective of like us to our parents. Money maybe wasn't talked about a lot, and now it's like kids who are six and seven are like hanging out in our meeting, like seeing mom and dad talk to financial planners and just normalizing it. So set up a family meeting. I think that would be a great place to

start. You have to be mindful of where your expertise starts and stops again. I don't think this meeting is to give advice. I think this meeting is to say, Hey, I think it's really important that that we plan for the future and that we abide by your wishes, Mom and Dad.

Welcome to money dates, the podcast that makes money conversations with your partner feel a little less taboo. I'm Natalie cycle, a certified financial planner, and I'm joined by my husband and business partner, Dan Slagle, also a Certified Financial Planner. Say Hi, Dan, hello. In each episode, we'll share honest stories and practical tips to help you and your partner feel more connected and confident on your financial journey. So grab your drink, get comfortable and join us for our money dates. Hello, Daniel.

Hi, Natalie, how are you

good? I never call you Daniel. I don't

think you've ever called me Daniel in my life. I don't think anyone's ever called me Daniel, actually. Oh,

last night, we were having maybe kind of a harder conversation. And I called you Dan, and I, like, felt the intensity in that moment. Do you remember that?

Yeah, when you call me by my first name, I'm like, Oh, it's getting real, real fast. I was like, oh, okay, it's a hard conversation. What was the conversation?

It was about when our daughter wakes up in the middle of the night, because she has been I wanted you to go in first, because lately, I've been going in first. So I was asking you to Yeah. And naturally, sometimes these conversations get a little heated, and I can't remember what I did, but I think I was trying to recenter us, and so I or I was just trying to get a point across, and I was like, Dan, I'm not trying to make this bigger than it needs to be.

Yeah, and by saying my name, you made it bigger than it needed to. I made it to be fair. I think if we have that conversation again about who's going in first in the middle of the night, like we probably shouldn't do it when you and I are about to go to bed, like I feel like we should have that conversation maybe in like the afternoon,

yeah, right, like the day is done, we're finally in a place to relax. But we hadn't had that conversation, and it was important to me, because if we didn't, then I was going to be the one to get up. And I was like, Okay, it's it's your turn. And you were like, yep. And then you got up and you went to her in the middle of the night, and I wasn't needed at all. And so thank you. I

appreciate that. Yeah, for sure, it's always a good day when you wake up and know that you were the baby.

Whisper you were the baby last night. Yeah, yeah, you were pretty proud of that, and I'm, I'm proud of you as well. Speaking of family and family dynamics, today we have a really good episode, because we've had some really good conversations about this with our clients, and we've actually helped some of our clients, parents with money. So today, what we're talking about is just how to handle our parents financial situation,

yeah, and, like, help them navigate their finances, right? Yeah, that's, that's a big talking piece of today,

right, right? So I wanted to start off giving just like a fun stat, because I feel like now we're starting to incorporate some stats

into these. You're going to be the stat person this podcast.

I'm the stat girl today. So this is a huge conversation in our industry, in the financial planning world, this is a huge conversation about the great wealth transfer. I remember when we launched our firm six years ago. This was in like, our business plan, like, hey, there's going to be all this money coming from the silent generation, the boomers. They're going to be passing away, and they're going to be transferring their wealth to the Gen Xers millennials, and then maybe there's some leftovers for the Gen Z ers out there. But this creates a really important discussion. So the numbers, according to this consulting firm, is that $124 trillion in assets are set to change hands, I think between now and 2040 824 trillion. Wow.

Wow, wow. Yeah, I feel like that number fluctuates a lot, like depending on the study. But either way, we're talking about, like, trillions and

trillions, trillions, trillions, most of that. So a little over 106 trillion is going directly to another individual, right? And then the rest will go to charity, which I think is pretty great. Almost $20 trillion is going to be going to charity over the next 20 some years. So that's that's really great. All about that. What that means, though, for the clients that we serve, the gen xers and millennials out there, is there's potentially money coming your way, right, and before it even hits you or comes to you, you inherit it, or whatever it may be. There are so many steps that can happen that will allow that transfer that is inevitably going to take place to go quite smoothly, or the opposite will happen. And so I wanted to make sure that we have a conversation about that, about, like, how do we help our parents with this transition in a way that's not like, this is going to be my money. Give it to me, you know? Like, I'm trying to avoid that. I'm just trying to, like, make sure the family, and when I'm saying family, I'm talking to generations at play here make this transfer and this transition go smoothly, and it's something that everyone feels really proud about, that they set up. Dan, like, what thoughts are coming up for you as I start to talk about this?

The first thought is you and I come from, like, traditional, I feel like Midwestern households where money's not talked about. So I think that's that's just like a barrier in itself that we've had to work with and overcome, like within our own families, right? And so having that conversation is really important. I think there's a lot of professional help out there to help facilitate those conversations. If you're maybe a child, and you have older parents or adult child, I should say, and have older parents who maybe are in their later years of life, like it, I think it's really important to have conversations about where assets intend to go and and you know how you want things, or how the the older generation really wants things structured or handled when they they pass away. I think it's, it's a huge missing piece of this whole dynamic of the the great wealth transfer, right? Like you see headlines like, go on a CNBC, you see headlines all the time about the great wealth transfer, but it's like, what does this actually mean for me, as personally as a millennial, as you you as a millennial, like, how do you better prepare yourself for that event and set yourself up for success and set your family up for success at the end of the day?

Right? Yeah, I I want to provide listeners some ways to have the conversation. And I think there's so many ways you can have a conversation, you know, and doing it with empathy, and you're not trying to give advice, you're just trying to, like, create the space to have the conversation, right? And so I was looking at, you know, in preparation for this podcast, I was looking up ways on, like, how do you bridge this conversation? And when you look it up, you know, it's, all these, like, beautiful questions that are asked, and I think because I've been having these conversations a lot, like with my dad and my stepmom, and I wasn't as empathetic as, like all of the podcasts say to or not the podcast, but just like the post, I wasn't as empathetic, because that's not really like my style with them. It was much more pointed to the fact, and it was just kind of like, if you don't do this, it's going to fall on my lap. As the kind of financial professional out of the three kids, it's going to fall on my lap. And this is going to be a huge headache for me, and your wishes will not play out how you want. And so in order for you to avoid this, I need you to go and do XYZ. I was very like pointed and direct with them, because that's how I that's how I communicate with them. But I the point why I'm saying all this is you can Google, you know, how do I have these conversations? And that's helpful. But I think just like, do it in a way that feels natural and in a way that your parents are aren't going to be like, Who are you like this? Isn't you to ask it like this? And so even just having the conversation is so much further ahead than than most people and your parents, if the conversation hasn't been started by them yet at this point, they're going to be appreciative that you're bringing it up.

Yeah, and I think it's important, because in our seats and in our profession, we've seen the outcome of these conversations don't happen, right? So I think yes, we're better prepared to one have the conversation. But then also, you almost like the example you gave with your dad and stepmom. It's almost like a fear tactic. And. Them,

they do. I do not recommend to listeners, yeah, just what I did.

Don't, don't do that, don't, don't do that. Maybe I don't know. It depends on what works.

But you know, it did work because now now they have their estate plan. But anyways,

yeah, yeah. So yeah, I think just finding ways to have the conversation, it can be tricky, though, it can be really hard to bridge that gap.

Yeah, can we share more about kind of our personal experiences? Because, Dan, you've, you've dealt with this in a very different manner than than what I have, and in the fact of you helping a parent after your mom passed away. So I'd love to have you kind of share about that experience. I

mean, to recommend we do audio only, in case I get teary eyed, but more likely you might, yeah, happy to share my experience for sure, because I think it's it can be really helpful when going through an event that I did. And you know, we've already seen clients take away some of the follow up items from it. So about two years ago, almost to the day, my mom passed away unexpectedly, and I just recall, like, one of the last things she said to me when she was on her hospital bed about to get wheeled into surgery, she like, grabbed me by my right cheek, and she was like, make sure you take care of your dad. And when she said that, she meant, like, probably, in general, I don't my dad's here right now, we're taking care of him. But like, I really think she meant that from a financial standpoint. So she also followed up by saying, like, she gave me information on, like, where account information. Literally kept a notebook in our attic, in my childhood home, in our attic, and it was like line item by line item, income that was coming in for them and expenses, like monthly bills and like where things were being paid

from. It was your mom and dad's financial plan in a notebook. They're

like DIY financial plan that she pointed me to in the attic, like, which is also in a box, and like, I would have found it eventually as we were going through things, but I would have had no idea. And so when we, when I, after she passed, like, we gave it like a week, right? And even that might be too early for some people, but the first recommendation I have is, like, your grieving process, like, is so volatile. Just make sure, like, when you're ready, just take action on it, otherwise things might just get prolonged from like, a facilitation standpoint. So she gave me, she pointed me to this notebook. About a week after she passed away, I went up in the attic and I tried to find it, and I found it, and it allowed me to, like, really understand what was going on from a, like, a cash flow perspective, for for the two of them, because, you know, there's that the adage, if, like, there's one financial spouse, there's one financial partner, maybe the non financial partner, we try to bridge that gap, right, and eliminate that whole ideal. That's like, why we started our business. But I think in our parents generation, it's it's likely more common. It was common in my own household. So I I had to help my dad navigate all these changes, because my mom was really kind of in the know of what was going on. My My dad knew what was going on, but in terms of maybe, like, accessing accounts, right? Like he was not as involved. So take a step back once we got that notebook. And I should also mention, I wrote a blog about this on helping a parent navigate finances after a loss, and we'll put that in the show notes. The first thing that we had to do, essentially, was order a death certificate, because you can't really do anything without the death certificate, right? When you're talking about changing account, titling, changing my mom had some she had pension income, she had Social Security, right? Like, you need the death certificate to prove that she's no longer there to help, then that money go to my dad in the proper flow. That was step one for us. And then from there, what we did is my parents had joint accounts at the time, so they were both listed as account holders on their bank assets. So we went to a local credit union, we scheduled an appointment, we sat down with a representative, and we retitled all of the accounts. So moved everything from joint ownership into single ownership and into my, my dad's name. And at that point, we also decided to add what's called payable on death, or transfer on death to the bank accounts, just in case, like when he passes away, like the assets move to the intended beneficiary. I also remember that visit, and this is really funny, in my mind, you had never used a ATM before,

never.

I shouldn't say never. I probably will say never, though, based on this experience, and I remember we so we got a new. Debit card. And, like, as we were leaving the bank, we did a trial run of, like, Okay, let's go through the ATM drive through. And we went through the the drive through, and I explained how it worked. And like, you know, I was giving him crap about, like, almost hitting the post by the ATM machine.

I can hear this happening.

Yeah, yeah, at this age now, I I always look forward to dishing it back to him, because he was such a a critic of of my student driving days. But after we got the bank account set up, it was also we had to update all the beneficiaries on on his retirement account. Now, right? Because my mom was listed as the primary, and that needed to change because she was no longer there. So we basically reordered the beneficiaries and how assets would flow if he were to pass away from a retirement account standpoint. And then the I'm trying to say, Do you want me to go through the steps? Like, is that the intention of this conversation?

I guess the intention is just to have a conversation about helping your parents with these things. And so your your experience is that in you really stepped in to help after your mom passed away. So, you know, yeah, yeah, child insurance you had, you know, there's so it's almost like it really depends on where are both your parents living? Are they married? There's all these things. And what, what you're making me realize is that it, it can be at any point. And the point that you, I don't want to say intercepted, but kind of like, came in to help out. Yeah, I'm gonna still say, like your mom and dad's finances, even though your mom's no longer here, but like, a very important parts, because it again, goes to this great wealth transfer. If there is any money to pass to you and your brother, it is going to be so smooth, because of everything you're listing and talking about right now, which goes to show, there's, there's a lot of steps, and you're not even done, right? Like, there's even more steps you did. I'm like,

halfway through, right? I'm not even, you know. And then we contacted insurance providers, because my mom was a state worker and had low access, or low cost access, to health care and dental plans that we need to switch over. We needed to contact Social Security, the Social Security Administration, like, switch the benefit amount from that my mom was getting, make sure my dad's getting that amount the pension income she was getting, make sure my dad's getting that. Luckily, they did elect, like, a joint survivor benefit. I mean, the last thing, like, the last big thing, was the estate plan, right? And like, they didn't have one. And you and I, mainly me, I had been trying to convince them for the last like, 10 years to get one done. And to your point, earlier, like, it took a major event for things to click, and say, I need to get that done, right? So I think the whole point of this is having the conversation early before someone passes away will set you up for better. I don't know. It'll set you up for success. I don't wanna say better or worse, right? Like, Yeah, cuz you're losing someone at the end of the day, but I think it, it allows you to be better prepared. And I think it allows the person who is also like, eventually will pass away. It allows them to understand like, these are my wishes when I do pass away. But like, overall, that conversation still is really hard to have, because no one likes talking about death

except me. I like, weirdly like talking about it. That's interesting. Why do you? Well, yeah, I don't like talking about it, but, you know, like, I think it's so important to talk about that, I it never weirds me out to talk about it. And so, yeah, but anyways, it's this don't have to go down that. I think what you just have to start talking about it, because what we have both experienced with our parents is that it takes years for them to listen.

You and I have been together for like, how many years now at this point, at least 12 years. Yeah, like, and this is just, this has been our profession during those 12 years. And I feel like it's been a 12 year thing that we're just trying to work on with

our parents, right and now we can say, all of our parents, all of the people in that role, have their things set up and it it will make our lives easier. You know, it has nothing to do with it'll make our lives wealthier, or not wealthier, it will just make things easier, while also giving our parents the satisfaction that things will be will pan out how they want, because they're the ones inevitably creating the plan, especially, you know, if you create a. Estate plan, you sit down with an attorney. They make sure everything's done.

Can I just interject real quick, because you said something that I think is really important, it makes things easier. And for me, what allowed it to be easier is that is because of the like, the grieving process is not easy, right? And we're when we're literally talking about death, because that's what it is, right? That's what the great wealth transfer is. It's people dying, mainly, unless you're getting gifts while your parents are still alive. But it's, it's people passing away and receiving assets. And so at least from my experience, what I would share is, once everything is buttoned up, it allows you to not focus on maybe some of this, the minutia of the financial side, yes, and it allows you to focus on, like self help and self care, because the grieving process for listeners who have been through it, who've lost someone close, it's just, it's a roller coaster. It's and to have all these things going on. Like, when I remember when my mom passed away, it was like, you're like, riding this initial high. Like, I don't know how to explain it, but it's weird, because you're like, going to and maybe it's my personality, but you get in this like mode of like, we need to do everything now, yep, and you're having the celebration of life. You're you're seeing people you haven't seen in 15 years, and things you're just on like this wave. And of like seeing people and being happy to reconnect with people, but also like grieving the loss for me, of my mom, it's just a constant ebb and flow of feelings. So if you can get it buttoned up early and be better prepared, I think it allows you to set yourself up for success going through those that emotional roller

coaster, right and not have to worry about administration and paperwork while you're you're grieving, because, again, from because you can speak to that I both my, thank god both my parents are still living. But I can speak on, and both you and I can speak on. From the professional world of managing investments, the second we find out someone has passed away, we essentially lock their account. We cannot trade in that account, and we we need to wait until all the admin stuff and get the accounts into the beneficiaries and and usually in our world, we want to be so quick with that, because we want to get it into the appropriate titling, since that person's no so my point is, that like, as soon as all of these people and all these places start to find out that someone passes away, they're knocking on your door to say, Hey, you got to do this stuff. You got to sign this form. And if things haven't been buttoned up to your point, Wow, that really distracts from the grieving process, and you have to get out of the grief and kind of go into just the world of paperwork, and that's that's upsetting. So having this conversation is so important, and just however you feel is best. To have this conversation is great, and I think the you have to go into it thinking you know that you're having this conversation because you want to help your family, you know, and they have to be in a like your parents have to be in a place where they are willing and wanting to accept, maybe not your help or advice, but just like, accept the conversation, right? And so I think first and foremost, like, just put yourself in in the seat of like, what you're about to do, what this conversation is, and it's so much more than, Hey, Mom, do you have your will done? It's like we're talking about their whole working years or their livelihood put on paper. There's so many memories around money, there's so many stories, there's so many like, there's a lot of emotion in this, and so it's going to be an emotional topic. And so you got to, like, start with the empathy in that regard, rather than urgency, because hopefully it's not urgent. Hopefully you're having this conversation because you're just trying to be proactive, right? And so making sure it's, it's, it's coming from empathy and not urgency, I think is, is, really, is the way to go about it,

yeah, and I think we've seen a lot of success recently, of clients having like, family meetings, right? Like older clients that we, we work with, having family meetings with the next generation, if they have, you know, like two or three kids, adult children, making sure that everyone knows, like, where, what intentions are, like, where things can be located. And I think just having a again, that. Conversation in a family unit, right? Like, we have so many clients who you know, again, client, most of our clients are in their what, early 40s, late 30s, early 40s. And like, How many times do you see their kids in our meetings? Like, it's really fascinating to me, right? Like, the it's like a generational change, at least from my perspective of like us to our parents, money maybe wasn't talked about a lot, and now it's like kids who are six and seven are like, hanging out in our meeting, like seeing mom and dad talk to financial planners and just normalizing it. So to go back to it, like, having just have, like, set up a family meeting. I think that would be a great place to start,

right? And it doesn't. You have to be mindful of where your expertise starts and stops. I don't again. I don't think this meeting is to give advice. I think this meeting is to say, Hey, I think it's really important that that we plan for the future and that we abide by your wishes, Mom and Dad, we in this setting. What I told my parents is that I feel as a child, it is my responsibility to enact their wishes, and not just with their wealth, but just with everything. And so in order for me to fulfill that responsibility, I need to know from them what is important, how do I reflect what's important to you, whether it's with your wealth, your celebration of life, you tell me, like, how do I continue your legacy? And I think some of this there is, like the direct questions that should eventually be asked, Do you have a will? Do you have a trust? Who is your attorney? Where is your estate plan located? Like those direct questions are important. I just don't think we start there. But I think the other aspects of this conversation that will inevitably come out is the legacy. You know what? What is important for us to do, to say, to what traditions are important that we carry on when you're no longer here? And I think those conversations are so beautiful and really cool that a family can have while everyone's still there, but but getting to the direct questions on making sure their their financials are set up well and will be reflected to what their requests are, is like, that's really important part of all this, yeah, so thanks for sharing your story. Dan, I do always get a little emotional hearing you talk about it, and it goes to show like this is it's a work in progress, and we have a unique perspective, and especially you. So I really appreciate you sharing that. Yeah, of course. Thanks, Natalie, thanks, Dan.

Hey, if you've enjoyed this episode and are looking for personalized financial guidance, schedule a free complimentary consultation using the link in the description below, Natalie and Dan Slagle are the founding partners of fuse financial planning a registered investment advisor. The information provided in this podcast is for informational purposes only and should not be considered investment advice or a recommendation to buy or sell any securities investing involves risk, including the potential loss of principal. Advisory services are offered to clients or prospective clients where fuse financial planning and its representatives are properly licensed or exempt from licensure. For more information, including our disclosures, please visit our website@www.fusefinancial.com.