Break the Silence of Shame to Stop Struggling

Episode 49 • 19th July 2023 • The Hope Station • Diane Belz

Pam Button - 7_18_23, 12.48 PM

,: 2023

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

resilience, mindset, life, story, pam, feel, shame, resilient, abortion, book, dealt, job, counselor, therapy, raped, write, kids, keys, held, counseling

SPEAKERS

Diane Belz, Pam Button

Diane Belz

Hello, and welcome to the hope station. I am your host, Diane Belz. And today, my guest is Pam button. And Pam has an amazing story of resilience. What she has gone through and where she is now. It's an amazing story of transformation of forgiveness. And it's centered on changing your mindset. So, Pam is an author, a speaker, she's a certified resilience and health coach and pm, I just want to thank you so much for joining me today.

Pam Button

Thank you so much, Diane, I appreciate it. And I'm so grateful to be here.

Diane Belz

So let's go back. I know you have a big story. What is why were you focused on resilience? What brought you to that topic with all the topics that you can write and speak about? Why did you choose resilience?

Pam Button

When I look back at my life, just throughout the years, even from when I was a young girl, the number of things that I have endured and had to overcome. People, a lot of people have told me you're resilient, you're very resilient. And in realizing that myself, it's like, wow, I am resilient. I've had people tell me that they admire me because I'm a strong, independent person. And I look at them. And it's like, well, I admire them for this or that other thing. And I even at one point, going through one of the counseling, one of the counselors that I was talking to, he said I was a second most resilient person he'd ever met second to his brother. So we have a counselor telling you that you're a very resilient person, that word kind of sticks with you, and then just helps you plug along through life, and then enduring even more things after after that as to when I went to see that counselor.

Diane Belz

Well, it's very interesting, because when I was trying to do a recap on all my podcasts, I found that one of the number one thing that people had in common is that resilient. So I just pulled up a definition, which is, you know, I it says, resilience refers to both the process and the outcome of successfully adapting to difficult or challenging life experiences. Being resilient does not mean that people don't experience stress, emotional upheaval and suffering. Demonstrating resilience includes working through emotional pain and suffering. Does that sound like what you've been through? And what you're doing

Pam Button

to a tee multiple times over? Yes.

Diane Belz

Give her had so much happen that you always have this like amazing superpower or amazing resilience muscle? And I always want to know was like all of it worth it to get you where you are today?

Pam Button

Up until about two years ago? No. But now I would say yes. Because I have a different mindset of what than what I had before. Okay. And that was the whole key to everything is just the different mindset. And now, I look at everything that I've been through. And I feel like I've been through that for a purpose, so I can help other people. But when I was in it, or going through something new, it was like, Oh, now what? Why me? Why do I have to go through this again? I mean, haven't I been through enough? It's like, I think I've learned enough patience. I don't need any more. No, like, looked at it like, wow, I think I was meant to deal with that to try to help other people.

Diane Belz

Well, so talk a little bit about where your story started, where some of these tragedies where some of these heartbreaks, or some of these challenges started and where you been through and how you got to where you are today.

Pam Button

Yeah, um, so I'll just keep it real short. If people want to dig in further into my stories I do have my book will be published in July but three weeks, its resilience the three keys to turn setbacks into comebacks, and so I in that book, I have more of my story, but I also include the lessons that I've learned and healing strategies to help other people and then affirmations because we really need to have that positive self worth, which I didn't have in my younger years as to where my trauma started. Which the main thing that I start out with in my book is I was raped at the age of 15. That was awful. Yeah, that kind of put me into a downward spiral of choosing bad guys. I then ended up in a very bad domestic by excellence relationship. And it was physical and emotional abuse. And they say that, you know, physical abuse, domestic violence, but I believe that the emotional abuse can be worse than the physical abuse, unless it gets to the point of, you know, serious bodily harm or death. Right. But the emotional abuse really had me like, feeling like nobody will, he would tell me, nobody would love me like he would and just almost made me feel like I couldn't leave, I wasn't worth anything. And just kind of brought back up the rape, like I was, like, damaged, and then he kind of furthered that mindset. So I was able to find the strength to leave that relationship. And then, you know, a few years later, I ended up finding myself divorced two times over, you know, I worked really hard at trying to make those marriages work. And, you know, different things happen throughout those relationships that my children's dad left when I was my daughter was one and I was pregnant. So I was single mom raising two kids, and you look at it, and you think, how did I do this? Or how can somebody do that, but you do what you have to do when you're in the situation. And I look back at that time when my kids were, both of them were in diapers, and I was a single mom working full time, and I went back to school and got my master's degree. And it's, it's like, I look back at it now. And I'm like, How in the heck did I do that? But you just do what you have to do to make things work. And I was, so I didn't want to ask for help. I was so stubborn. And it's like, you know, I would just felt bad for asking for help. It's like, No, I can do this. I can do this. I mean, I had a lot of babysitters to watch the kids and stuff. But yeah, I just, it's, you can get yourself through more than what you ever think you could when you're put in that situation. And so I went through a lot of counseling, and I still had some things that I was dealing with. And one of those was just negative, I had a negative mindset. Even though I finished my master's degree with babies and working full time, I still was just negative about the world and relationships. And just that I was even in that situation that I had to do that. And I would have people pointed things out to me that I was so negative and needed to change my mindset. But I think it was just so ingrained in my mind that so much had happened to me that was bad. I just that was my life, I just would look at it and say, well, it's going to be this because that's the way it always is for me. And I wouldn't look at or even think about a possible positive outcome. I just would try to work and then I'd get myself through something and then I'm doing okay, and then something else would happen. And then I would work and fight and get myself through it. And then something else would happen. And those other things that happened is one of them was I was in a car accident. And I had a brain injury. And by the time I got to the hospital, I thought I was going to be paralyzed on one side of my body. And I actually was in therapy over that for six years. I couldn't speak properly, couldn't complete a sentence, I was off work for a while I was in a lot of therapy. And like the speaking I couldn't even complete a sentence work would be in my head and it wouldn't come out. So I had a lot of relearning to do. But during that time, I had lost. I had lost my job and went back to work. And I couldn't handle the stress of that job. So this was another thing that I was facing. A job I had previously years ago, I had lost to an injury. I was a police officer for 18 years and I got hurt on duty and wasn't ever cleared. But we didn't have light duty in our contract and disability in our contract. And I was never clear for full duty after that. So and then there was another job in there that I lost due to mergers and cutbacks and so I've lost, you know, multiple jobs due to no fault of my own and had to come back from all those two, but you just you just can't give up. I mean, I had kids I was a mom and you know I was you had to be responsible and I just had to fight to get through it. But the biggest, biggest thing that held me back from all of that, that I think contributed the most to the negative attitude and possibly damaged a lot of those relationships was the silent shame that I held on to for over 30 years from the choice that I made to have an abortion. So years ago after the rape and the domestic violence situation I found myself pregnant and didn't want anything to do with that father and thought I was going to lose my job and wouldn't be acceptable by my parents, you know the father or the sister ration either way. And so I didn't hardly tell anybody only like four people in my life knew. And then the big turning point for me and all of this negativity, and even though I made it through all of that stuff and worked so hard and became resilient, I like had to learn how to be resilient, I was still very negative. So the turn, just

Diane Belz

pause here for a second, let's just pause just for a second, take a breath.

Pam Button

No, I'm like, there's so much.

Diane Belz

The way, one of the things that I want want to ask you is, what does mind that mean? So what is the definition of mindset people kept on telling you, you needed to change your mindset? What does that even mean? Like? Is there a switch somewhere that you can just go in and turn it on? Can you go to some store and buy mine? That what does that even mean? And why was it important for you to change it?

Pam Button

Yeah, it would be nice if you could go buy it, or if there was some magic pill for it. But I think I had, I had worked at it a number of different times, right with this low self esteem and being abandoned and abused. And I would go to counseling, and I would try to work on it and try to focus on it. And then I mean, it's like I would do but good for a while, and then I would slip back. I would do good for a while and then slip back. And I don't even know what the dictionary definition of of mindset is. But to me, it is not just looking at, like your current situation. It's like looking at life as a whole. And looking at where I was, and how I used to feel, but where I want to be. And then how what am I going to do to get to where I want to be, I can't keep thinking negative or I can't keep holding on to those past hurts and anger, I have to let those go. And then when I did that, when I finally let go of I think all of that which I think this abundance event was, for me was a huge turning point. It's like a weight was lifted off my shoulders, and then to find that positive mindset came easier. It's like, I could find it. But then it would just stay with me, it wouldn't just disappear like it did before.

Diane Belz

I think it's when when I'm hearing these, there's a couple things that you're talking about. Number one, there was a story that you've been telling yourself for a very long time. And then there is that ability to try to shift and anyone listening to your story and knowing all the different things great to fail mer marriages, I'm going to use it that domestic violence losing three jobs. Pam, why shouldn't you be negative? Why shouldn't you be there your entire life and say, life's up. And I deserve to be mad and angry and unforgiving as I want to be? And most people would say you're right.

Pam Button

Yes, they Yeah. A lot of people did. And a lot of people have told me it's like, I can't believe you did that. I can't believe you came through that. And that's why a lot of people have told me you need to write a book, you need to write a book. And then here I go with the negative mindset. My mindset, my limiting beliefs told me, you can't write a book. I like almost failed English in high school. You know, it's like, in younger, younger days in English, I like cheated on almost every spelling test. It's like, I don't know how I made it through high school or college or with the English. I'm like, I can't write a book. But then that's my negativity and my mindset. And then I had this grace of I think of the shame that I was holding on to. It opened me up to wow, I can do that. Because I'm resourceful. Right? All these things that I've done, it's like, okay, yeah, I didn't want to ask for help. But I was resourceful. You know, I found babysitters. I found new jobs, you know, but to get the new jobs. It's like I found an organization in my area that helped me redo my resume and helped me. You know, big financially. I was struggling because I lost the job. They even gave me an outfit for my new interviews. And so there's a lot of that stuff that I talked about in my book, all these different resources in places that you can go up to it was very humbling. For me to go from a very good paying job to making minimum wage, seasonal help at like a craft store, just because I had to do something. And I needed something. And I'm like, that was a seasonal job. What was I going to do when the Christmas season was over? I didn't know. But I had to have something for now. And then I had to keep working toward getting something different. Yeah, so that whole mindset thing to me resilience and mindset, it's, like resilience. If someone's going to, like, throw rocks at me, it's like, they're just gonna bounce off. You know, it's like, you know, it's like, that's why I think of it. It's like, just come at me. Come on, come at me. Now. It's like, you know, I got this. It's

Diane Belz

okay. It's gonna take.

Pam Button

Yeah. Well, from

Diane Belz

all that. See, before, what I'm hearing is before you thought like, that victim mentality, this is the way it's always going to be nothing will ever change. That means like, you felt like you deserve to have this like that was very challenging and hard. And then that's what the mind that shift is, and then realizing, like, wait a minute, I don't have to live in that old story. So to me, a mindset is a story that we've been telling ourselves. And most of it is constructed with lies. They're sort of situational, because this happened to me, that I'm this because I was raped. And I'm not worthy of love. Because I was, you know, I had a husband who told me I wasn't good enough, I started believing that story. And it's the programming. So you had years and years of programming. And then you had that shift, though, you talked about being at an edit event called Abundance, that that was pivotal to this new path, this new story that you're now writing, including being an author. Yeah, which you thought, There's no way I can be an author, right? The way you changed your story. Now, you've changed your life.

Pam Button

Like, totally, my life has totally changed. It's like I had talked to counselors. And you know, one of the things that I mentioned too, and I want people to hear me when they say this, not all counselors are alike. So if someone had a bad experience with a counselor, don't just quit, because they're giving up on themselves. Go find a different one. Just keep looking until you find one that you can resonate with. So that was important. I just wanted to get that out there. Because if you quit constantly, you're giving up on yourself. But yeah, so at abundance. Yeah, I gave up, I finally let go and release the silence. And I think that is huge. I mean, there was, yeah, multiple times are different ways that I could have shaped my life through all those different things. And I just, I just worked hard to get through it to continue to live. But I wasn't living happily. I was surviving to take care of my kids. So I was resilient. But I wasn't happy, resilient. I just Yeah, I was just continuing. And then what once I let go of the shame, and I forgave myself, because I have told him my mind, I had said, I forgive the person that raised me, I forgive the other person that abused me, I forgive the guys for divorcing me leaving me, you know, I forgive them. And then I, each time I looked at myself, and then what could I do different? What could I have done better? What did I do wrong? And then I had to come to the realization that you know what some of those people did to me, there was nothing I did wrong. It wasn't my fault. I didn't ask for that. I didn't deserve it. I had to accept that. And just it happened. I made it through it. I'm a survivor. I'm not like a victim. Like you said, I'm not the victim mentality. I'm a survivor. I'm strong. I'm independent. I'm resilient, resourceful, whatever. And just keep focusing on that. And then just breaking my own silence of getting rid of that one thing that was in there, that was still holding on to me just released me from everything. So my program that I could

Diane Belz

let just let me ask. So it sounds like you were able to forgive everyone else. That did things to you or you know, that hurts you. But you weren't able to forgive yourself. What happened that you finally said, it's time to forgive Pam. I forgiven everyone else is time to forgive Pam. And then what happened? Pam, when you finally said, unforgivable, I'm worthy of forgiveness. I'm going to let the silent shame of having an abortion go.

Pam Button

le knew. I told almost almost: 1000

Diane Belz

Oh my gosh, that's gonna make me cry.

Pam Button

Yeah, and I just got goosebumps again sharing that. So it's like me listening to that little thing, which I know what it was telling me, you know, to just say, Oh, was

Diane Belz

it Pam telling you, that was telling you my

Pam Button

spirit, my Holy Spirit, God telling me release this, say it, say it, get it out, get it out. And I've never been in a situation where I was even asked or prodded to just say it to get it out. And so and then all of those people that kept coming to me, I just kept getting this message. Like, I gave these people someone to say it too. And there's a lot of people out there that don't have anyone to say it to nobody to listen to them. So they can break their silence, no matter if it's rape or domestic violence or job loss or divorce or something that they chose to do like I did. That's shame and unforgiveness. A lot of people are hiding something in unforgiveness or shame. And so my program is silence to resilience. I want to be that person and help people break their silence and help them come out of that shell help them break, knock those walls down of pain and unforgiveness and hurt and, and just realize that who they are inside and who God meant them to be. And, you know, they are worth that we are worth it. We're all worth that God created us for a purpose. He didn't create me to go through all that pain and anger. And that's why I can say now I think I went through all that so I can help other people. And I think a lot of people that have been through things we just don't we never know why. We're always asking why. You know, why me? Why me? And it seems like for all those years, the only time I would pray or go to God was when I was in the valley, you know, and yeah, and by the grace of God, I would get out of it. But then I'd been another valley I've been another valley. But you know, and so since that breakthrough, it's like, I'm writing about all of this. I'm writing a book, I got to help people. I'm talking to people I'm talking to people I talked to certain people and they're like, Are you sure you want to share that because they were worried for me for shame or embarrassment? I said, Yeah, you know, I can comfortably say This to you right now with no shame or embarrassment. And I want to be able to help people heal whatever it is. So what does

Diane Belz

it feel like to be on the other side of shame?

Pam Button

Oh my gosh, it's like, you know, I went through like this healing day thing. And I kid you, not. I, it's felt like, I was very skinny. Like I lost over half my weight or something. It's like, not just a weight lifted off. It's just like, I felt Oh, wow, just so it's so hard to even describe. I mean, I cried many times, but happy tears. And it's like, Okay, now what do I do? What do you want me to do? What do I do with us? And just seeking out guidance and mentorship and other coaches and to try to grow and figure out what do I do with this? Where to where do I you know, where do I go? And I don't want to keep a silent anymore. I want to grow with us.

Diane Belz

Well, there is so much studies about shame and unforgiveness and what it does to you. And, you know, if you're talking that the Holy Spirit is guiding you just say, pellet, finally tell it, you know that there's someone telling you hold on to that. It's reconfirming, the story of I'm not good enough. I'm not worthy. No one else will love me. I'm not that smart. I can't even tell how could I write a book. So when you're having it, it's on the other side. And that's where a lot of the mindset that shift is, is that we're going from the lies that we once told ourselves, or someone else told us that we believed as truth. And now, working through that shame, working through that unforgiveness working through all that hard stuff. It's really hard, you know, otherwise, we wouldn't have held on to it for so long. And then going to that other side that now you're rewriting the story, you're not negative, you're not feeling like a victim, you're not feeling like what's going to happen next. This is, you know, this is my life. It's a series of ups and downs. It's a very different story that you're telling now. But talk a little bit about your book about that resilience. You said there, I love that subtitle, step back, come back. And you said there's three keys, can you share with us with those three keys or to help us get from that setback, to be a comeback pan? A Pan in your book, you talk about the three keys to help us get from setback to come back? What are the three keys,

Pam Button

the three keys I call my PSP formula. And I look at those three keys as your past your situations in your life, and then the people in your life. So far, we've dealt with the different things that happened to me regarding those three areas, and then learning lessons, healing strategies, affirmations for each of those things, things that you dealt with in the past things that knocked you down all those setbacks, and then just the different situations in your life, you know, it could have been one of those things, one of those instances that occurred but then it puts you in this situation of being jobless or single or whatever this the situations are now I'm have a brain injury, right? And then the just the people themselves how all of the feelings that I felt the limiting beliefs, the Yeah, that I'm not good enough. And then how do you turn those into you are worthy, you are strong, you, God gave you the power inside you to overcome this stuff. And you can do it, you just have to believe in yourself and, and seek out those resources or help or whatever if you need to.

Diane Belz

I love the way you said it. But also, you know, our past can hold on to us, right? We feel like we're a victim of our situation and circumstances and then the people involved. So by doing this process, where you're really going through healing strategies and doing affirmation is that part of changing your mind that so you're taking your path and your sounds like in some ways you're rewriting part of that story of your pets? What you thought you want to are in the path to what you now believe about yourself, currently and for the future. Am I getting that correct?

Pam Button

Yes, it's all based on the whole mindset. You know, when these situations happened, or when these people hurt me, how did I feel then? And then I may not have gone through the counseling or have dealt with that for years later. But now that I look back at that, it's like I held on to something for so long, but then once I did deal with it, I had to address those emotions, and how did I feel about it, and then letting it go and going through that therapy? And one of the best therapies I did was EMDR therapy. And that is what does that mean? EMDR it's Eye Movement Desensitization realization, I think it is, okay. EMDR it actually takes you back into your past, to look at traumatic events, and you deal with your different ego states. So, during one of these sections, sessions, actually, in my mind, I was talking to my 15 year old that was great. So it's very powerful therapy, and that therapy is the only counseling that helped me get over the panic attacks that I had been suffering for a few years.

Diane Belz

Okay. So there's that combination of get getting. So there's new people in your life, right? There's new people that you're talking to someone to help you heal coaches to help you get through this. And you can see it just the the major shift in your life, you know, the things that you thought you'd never be able to do. And now you're doing that, what did you tell your 15 year old self? To help you get through that?

Pam Button

Yeah, I had to tell her that I had to get her to believe that it wasn't her fault, that she didn't ask for it. And that he was wrong, we, you know, he made some bad choices, but we can't let that reflect on us anymore. And we have to let that go. And that we are strong. And we've made it over that. And we have moved on. So it's like I had to tell her, you know, what I where I was now in life that you know, you know, we're a mom, or I'm a mom. And you know, we have to let this go. So this doesn't keep coming up and causing panic attacks. And I have to be good for the kids we got to take. So it was really interesting out all my different ages. And my ego states, I had to have these conversations with them to get them to let it go. Because it was something in my past that was triggering the panic attacks. Okay, so it's that therapy is incredible. I recommend EMDR to anybody that's been through traumatic events. And I didn't even think this stuff was still in there. Because I had prayed I forgiven I'd even driven by the house where it happened. And I sat in front of the one of my other counselors recommended this, I drove over there, I sat in my car, and I cried, and I prayed for God to forgive him. You know, and so it's like, I believe that I'll happen. But it was, I was surprising that that was still in there. When I went through this counseling, all of this stuff was still in your subconscious mind that I thought it was dealt with even the abortion, I believe I prayed for forgiveness. And, you know, I was healed and maimed him. And I just even like, kind of would try to forget about it for years, you know, and then all of a sudden things would surface and, and it's like, wow, I can't believe how strongly that was in there. So in my book, I talk a lot about the subconscious mind. And then that therapy, and to me, it's the subconscious mind is like a flight recorder on a plane, right, no matter how, what happens or how damage that gets that information is still in there. Right, and it takes the right people to find it and pull that information out. And that's kind of what happens to our brain is like certain things will trigger things from the past and all of a sudden, that stuff comes out. So I just kind of attribute that to like a flight recorder like it's there, it's recorded, it's not going anywhere. You know, we choose to forget it, we choose to not remember it or whatever. But at some point, certain things could surface if they're not dealt with.

Diane Belz

And it sounds like when you're able to do that you're able to repair your subconscious as well, you're able to say, let's tell, or we're telling ourselves a different story. It's not your fault. You made a decision, you would make that decision. Now if you knew about it, like we we always make decisions based on the knowledge and information we have at the time. And also due to the stress of the circumstances. So you can see if you're in a bad relationship, you can understand a lot of the decisions why you made them, but it it's stored in a different area of our brain to say this, this needs to be dealt with. And I love how you're saying that. Maybe it's not working, what you've tried before isn't working. What I'm hearing is don't give up. You're worth it. There is something out there that can help you and can heal you. Do you feel that people who aren't healed just want to hold on to it like they they just can't seem to let it go. Because it has defined who they are. It has become their identity. It's a story that they've told themselves so many times that there's saying, well, there can't be a different story in my life, because this is my life story. The How did you have the old story of pan? And how are you continuing to create the new story about who Pam is, and what Pam is, is capable of doing?

Pam Button

Yeah, I absolutely believe that people are holding on to old stories, or I think for a lot of people, it's their environment that they were born into, or grew up in, that it's like, well, you know, my dad was an alcoholic, so I'm going to be an alcoholic too. And it's just a story in their mind. But yeah, there's a story of there's, I can't, I don't remember the names or whatever. But there was a family, there was two brothers. And then, you know, the dad was in this bad situation, whatever, and one brother went down that road, and the other one totally turned it around and went the other way, was very successful. So it's like that story shows that it's all mindset, it's like, are you going to set you know, this, we hear a lot of like athletes where they come from, and then then where they are now. It's like, they worked and they got out of that area. And you know, even you know, so many people, it's just, they just, yeah, are stuck in a certain area. And I believe it is all living in that mindset, that victim mindset. And once you can find someone to that will listen to you. Because I think a lot of it is breaking the silence, even if you tell one person, if it's a counselor, or someone that you can trust, a close friend, if it's issues with your family, then you know, tell a counselor or a friend, you don't have to tell family. But if you can tell someone in your family that you trust, that's great, then they'll help you find get the help that you need. But I think you do need to at least what that go, you have to release it, even if it's to yourself writing a letter, write down journaling is a big thing. Write down all your emotions. And that's one of the healing exercises in my book is write all this stuff out, write a letter to the person that hurt you, you don't have to go give it to them, you know, but do something with it, get rid of it, let those feelings go tear it up, burn it, whatever. But get them out, get them out somehow break that silence If you have to in your room by yourself or go out in the woods and screen, just get it out. You know, it's like if you don't want to tell somebody else, at least write it down and somehow let it go. And then just keep focusing, keep working on building yourself. Once you start switching from negative to positive, you have it's a conscious effort now. It's like I'm consciously working on my conscious mind to try not to let my subconscious mind take over and come back and hurt me with those traumatic events. And so when I would first start feeling anxiety after that counseling, it was a lot of self talk, that she taught me how to do to talk myself out of having an attack. Right. And it's so you have it's is mindset talking to yourself. And that's why a lot of people say affirmations, we might have heard a lot of it recently. It's like, talk to yourself in the mirror. You know, you get up every morning and tell yourself you're good person. I actually have a couple of things taped right on my mirror that I see everyday. I have my vision board sitting right in front of me here on my whiteboard at my desk, it's you know, it's like I'm dual purposefully doing things to keep this mindset going to continue to grow and grow in the white right way. And to not slip back.

Diane Belz

So is all this work worth it? It sounds like it's hard work. And I know people are going to say that's just too hard. I can't change my mind. And what are you going to decide? Right now? To give them hope? What are you going to tell them Pam?

Pam Button

Because my mom would used to say that's a bunch of hogwash. Or poppycock. Those were years words I hear years ago. And I you know, if I can do it, anybody can do it. Right? A lot of people say that, well, if I can do it, you can do it. But I truly believe that because I had been I have been through so much, unfortunately. But I have and now I can say I've been there, I've done that. And you can get through it too. And I think that's the strongest reason why I want to help other peoples because I've been in a lot of those shoes. You know, maybe there's someone that hears this and they were raped, but they didn't go through anything else. Well, maybe that one story can help them talk to somebody, or maybe they lost the jobs and maybe they think wow, I didn't know there might be some resources in my area that can help me write my resume or get me some clothes or whatever. You know, it's like just hearing how strong I was. And I'm not trying to pat myself on the back but I had to be to get through all that stuff. And just to hear that, you know, maybe you've heard it before but you know, something, sometimes I heard stuff before, but I needed to hear it like three or four or five times. You know, so maybe this will be the find that they will say, Okay, I'm going to do something about it. Because nothing happens until you act, it is hard work. But you have to take that step, you have to do it right to everybody listening, it's like, you can't change until you act, nothing is going to change.

Diane Belz

Well, I think that that's great advice is because we can just continue to feel like, I'm going to talk myself out of it. But I've also heard that we have to put action to that too, though, by you saying, you know, I am an author, you can keep on saying I'm an author. But until you sit down and start writing, you're not an author, you can say, I'm the speaker. But until you go and start speaking, you're not the speaker, though. There's all that there has to be action around that intent. And sometimes we're waiting for this great wave of motivation or inspiration to come and get up. And I read that we have to say, put, put our thoughts into action. So you know, just being a coach, we know that the mindset, it's the circumstances, really, as you said, with those two brothers, the circumstances can be actually the same and how we look at them, how we think about them, is going to trigger a feeling. And that feeling causes us to act in a certain way. And those actually close result. And sometimes when you're stuck in the story, you're like a duck, and you're not realizing there's things that you have to go through to look at what are their thoughts. And my coaches said, we have to look at our beliefs. What do we believe about God? What did we believe about ourselves? What do we believe about the situations and when we start uncovering some of those, the powerful transformations are incredible. It's like you can free yourself from this prison of shame, this prison of pain, you can do all that. But you have to actively take control of it and saying, it's time to rewrite the story. Because nothing's going to change until that mindset shift happens. And a lot of that is rewriting the story. Like you said, I'm not a bad person, something happened to me, I was raped, something happened to me and I decided to have an abortion, you now you have to change that story. And if you don't, you're going to be stuck in that chain. And that pain, and that fear, and that anxiety and all these awful emotions, that there is freedom. But it's going to take action on your part to get that freedom. It's like the keys are there, right? Your your three keys are there. You just have to pick it up and decide we're going to ski and unlock the door, unlock our people our path, unlock the situations that unlock the people. So like Pam, you can be free as well. beautiful story. Thank you. Yeah, anything else you want to share as we wrap that up?

Pam Button

If I could if people want to check out my book, again, the title is silence to resilience, the three keys to turn setbacks, into comebacks. And on in the purchase with the purchase of my book, I have a free gift for everybody. It will take them to my website. And then there are other resources there as well. And my coaching program is Signless to resilience that does continue to walk you through building resilience and grit. And I also have a weekly planner that continues helps you continue to build resilience throughout the year.

Diane Belz

I'm glad to have

Pam Button

been here thank you.

Diane Belz

Well, I can you know you've proven that you are the poster woman for resilience. And you're also the poster child for you can do this, it this does not have to be your life story or your life sentence that there is freedom and you just have to use the keys that Pam is going to provide you with through her book and her coaching program. But thank you so much for being with me today. I really appreciate and I love the story. Thank you

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