We have the choice as to whether we live with our pain, or if we consistently push forward to create new opportunities from our pain. However, when it affects not only you, but others around you, it can be so easy to be defeated by the constant amounts of struggle that is associated with it, pulling ourselves into a feeling of unworthiness, along with not feeling that we have the ability to change our negative energies towards it. Today's guest, Jenn Fredericks, owner of Prosilience Coaching, however, tells an upbeat, positive, different story when faced with chronic not only with herself, but her daughter as well. Today's episode shares the important lesson of having resilience and consistency (called "prosilience" by our guest), and how we can adapt a mindset that even when the going gets tough, it is still perfectly acceptable to smile.

Guest Bio

Jenn has overcome immense adversity and emerged as a beacon of resilience and hope for others. Her experience as a patient with a life-threatening, chronic illness spanning three decades and caregiver for her daughter with a life-threatening diagnosis speaks volumes about her strength, determination and compassion. As a Prosilience Coach, she guides her clients towards a new perspective on life. Her approach of cultivating self-awareness while honoring and integrating both the highs and lows of the human experience creates renewed confidence, calm and contentment in life. By empowering them to build Prosilience (proactive resilience), she enables them to move from uncertainty, fear and confusion to experiencing more ease and contentment in life, fostering a greater sense of well-being. She knows how hard it is to wait until things are better to live better... Why Wait?

Facebook Page: https://www.facebook.com/JennFredericksProsilienceCoach

@jfredwi on Instagram

Website: https://prosiliencecoach.com

Visit Our Website: https://speaking-from-the-heart.captivate.fm/

Visit Our Business Website: https://www.yourspeakingvoice.biz

Support The Mission Of The Business! Donate Here: https://speaking-from-the-heart.captivate.fm/support

Intro/Outro By: Michael Dugan, Podcast Host: Voice4Chefs

Welcome to the podcast where relationships, confidence, and

2

determination all converge into

an amazing, heartfelt experience.

3

This is Speaking From The Heart.

4

Joshua: Welcome back to episode

number 122 of Speaking from the Heart.

5

Today we have Jenn Fredricks joining

us, and Jenn has overcome immense

6

adversity and emerged as a beacon

of resilience and hope for others.

7

Her experience as a patient with a life

threatening chronic illness spanning

8

three decades, and caregiver for

her daughter with a life threatening

9

diagnosis, speaks volumes about her

strength, determination, and compassion.

10

As a "prosilience" coach, she guides her

clients towards a new perspective on life.

11

Her approach of cultivating self

awareness, while honoring and integrating

12

both the highs and lows of the human

experience, creates renewed confidence,

13

calm, and contentment in life.

14

By empowering them to build "prosilience",

which is the combination of proactive

15

and resilience, she enables them to

move forward from uncertainty, fear,

16

and confusion to experience more ease

and contentment in life, fostering

17

a greater sense of well being.

18

She knows how hard it is to

wait until things are better

19

to live better, so why wait?

20

I don't know why I kept waiting.

21

Why I kept waiting for so long in my life

to not only challenge some of the status

22

quos that I felt was holding me back,

but Jenn today really brought to light

23

the perspective that sometimes we take

things for granted, and maybe, most often

24

times, we over exaggerate that we are

really in a bad position, because when

25

you hear Jenn's story today, I think that

you're going to be not only surprised

26

by the fact that she's been through so

much, which have already teased so much

27

about what she's going to be talking

about today, but I think it gives us an

28

idea of the choices that we have to make,

whether we decide that we want to live

29

down in the dumps and do nothing about

it, or we take proactive resilience to

30

be able to learn how to shield against

the many storms that come in our life.

31

Even if pain is something that we have

a hard time dealing with, I think that

32

we can find ways to move to the other

side, and I think this is when we can see

33

the intersection of things that might be

bad, and might be good, and how choice

34

weighs in that overall decision making.

35

But with that, let's go to the episode.

36

All right, we're here

with Jenn Fredericks.

37

Jenn, thanks for sharing

your heart with us today.

38

Jenn: Thank you so much, Joshua.

39

I live my life by sharing my heart.

40

That's one of my true values,

my inner truth, my core is love,

41

so I'm very excited to be here.

42

Joshua: You know, I think you're the first

guest in the opening to really talk about

43

love as the concept of this too, which

is interesting, because sometimes I don't

44

really talk about that on the show, but

nevertheless, I think that love is a very

45

important aspect to sharing your heart-

46

Jenn: So, yeah.

47

Thank you.

48

Joshua: Thank you for sharing that

because that's really important.

49

Jenn: It's more the agape love

type, you know what I mean?

50

Joshua: I was going to say, funny enough,

I have talked about agape love in one of

51

my monologue episodes, so it's always an

interesting concept to really appreciate,

52

so for my listeners, if you don't know

what agape means, you got to go back

53

and listen to that, but Jenn, it's about

you today, so I really want to talk to

54

you a little bit about your journey,

because my audience has heard a little

55

bit about your background starting out.

56

I'm really curious because

your story involves chronic

57

illness spanning three decades.

58

Is that correct?

59

Jenn: That is correct, sir.

60

I am on my fourth kidney, shall I say.

61

I've actually had two kidney transplants,

so I'll say I'm on my fourth kidney.

62

It means like my two natural

ones hit the dust, and then

63

I've had two kidney transplants.

64

Joshua: Wow.

65

Can you tell us a little bit about

that backstory, and how it got to be

66

that you have two different kidneys?

67

Jenn: Actually, now I really only have

one, because they yank the other ones

68

out when they stop working sometimes.

69

When I was a teenager, I just sort of

had back to back illnesses: walking

70

pneumonia, a lot of strep, mono, and

just kept feeling poorly throughout

71

middle school, and they thought

I had chronic fatigue syndrome.

72

Not really quite sure what was going on,

until I moved from a major metropolitan

73

area, to a rural city in upstate

New York, and a pediatrician there

74

happened to do some blood work that

showed my cholesterol was sky high.

75

Here I was a very frail looking thing,

under a hundred pounds, at 14 years old,

76

with a cholesterol of- it might not have

been this high, but it was close enough,

77

like 200, 300, something like that.

78

Joshua: Holy moly.

79

That is very high.

80

Yeah.

81

Jenn: It was very high, very high,

so I luckily was treated at the

82

nearest children's hospital and was

so blessed that my dad was my first

83

donor, and was able to heal, and reach

all of those young adult milestones.

84

The kidney served me for 18 years.

85

I graduated high school.

86

I pursued my passion of theater.

87

I met my husband.

88

I realized maybe I wouldn't

make a living in theater.

89

I couldn't pay for my transplant

medications with theater possibly,

90

graduated college, like I said.

91

Got married, got a house, adopted

a beautiful daughter, and then,

92

by the time she was four years

old, the kidney petered out.

93

At that point I had such a great

support network and I still do.

94

They were stepping forward

and saying, "I'll be tested.

95

I'll be tested.", and I feel so grateful

that I had that support and my next kidney

96

donor was named; are you ready for it?

97

Joshua: Yep.

98

Jenn: Joshua.

99

Joshua: Oh, of course.

100

I have to be-

101

Jenn: Of course.

102

Joshua: Involved in this story.

103

Jenn: Yeah.

104

Joshua: No.

105

I'm just kidding.

106

It's not me, listeners.

107

This is the first time

I've talked to Jenn.

108

I have not been involved

in her kidney story.

109

Jenn: No, it's my husband's

fraternal twin brother.

110

Joshua: Oh, wow.

111

Jenn: It was my second donor, so, a

lot of times I like to make a joke

112

here when I say that, "Oh yeah.

113

My husband's twin brother gave me

a kidney.", and then people could

114

be gobsmacked of like, "Well, why

didn't your husband give you one?"

115

I'm like, "Cause he's a big jerk."

116

No, because he just wasn't a match.

117

He was a fraternal twin, so they didn't

have the same blood type, so I am

118

now 11 years out from that transplant

and doing really, really well, and so

119

grateful that medicine has been able to

bring me here, and support me in this

120

way, and to my entire support network.

121

Joshua: I have never interacted with

someone that has been a kidney transplant

122

survivor, or have had to have a kidney

transplant; maybe they have been giving a

123

portion of their kidney to somebody else.

124

I shouldn't say a portion,

because you don't have a

125

portion; you give a whole kidney.

126

I'm thinking of a liver-

127

Jenn: Liver.

128

Yeah, that's right, which

is just incredibly amazing.

129

You can give a portion and it grows

back for the donor, as well as

130

it grows more for the recipient.

131

Joshua: Yes-

132

Jenn: it's incredible.

133

Joshua: And medicines come a long way

with being able to even facilitate that

134

with stem cell research, and things of

that nature, to actually grow these sort

135

of organs in laboratories, which I know

that there's still a lot of kinks to work

136

out when it comes to that for sure, to

make sure they function, but we hear about

137

pig hearts, and all kinds of other organs

and from other animals helping to support

138

life, so it's really interesting to me.

139

I think the age old question

comes into play here of, so you've

140

been through all these different

things, but you're a coach?

141

Tell me a little bit about that, cause

I find that really fascinating that

142

somebody that has been through many

medical procedures has the energy,

143

or the audacity, to coach others.

144

Jenn: Sure.

145

Well, I mean, what is that saying?

146

Your pain becomes your purpose.

147

Joshua: Yes, absolutely.

148

Actually, I just had a guest on the

show by the name of Simon Rinne that

149

actually talked about that as well, that

we have this purpose that we go through

150

to become better as a result, so, yeah.

151

Jenn: Yeah, so, I mean, I

have not always been a coach.

152

For 16 years of my working life, I was in

event marketing and corporate marketing,

153

and well, my daughter also has a chronic

illness, so about the time my daughter

154

was diagnosed, I learned that I was going

to be laid off from my corporate job,

155

and I flippantly said to someone, "Well,

maybe I'll see what this life coaching

156

thing is all about.", and here I am, seven

years later, guiding people, supporting

157

people and, it is literally why I'm here.

158

Joshua: When you say literally why you

are here, is that because of just seeing

159

other people get to that other side,

and you've helped them get to that part?

160

What would you say has been the most

inspiring aspect of being a coach,

161

because I do life coaching myself.

162

I've actually have helped a variety

of different people navigate through

163

divorce, navigate through circumstances

that are unbeknownst to them about

164

the ways in which they process

their attitudes towards others.

165

For you, what do you find is the most

rewarding, because especially being

166

that you've been through so much from

the medical sense, I would be very much

167

like, "Oh, there's no point in life.

168

There's no reason to go forward."

169

I don't get that energy, and I think

I've even said that before we started

170

that you have this contagious energy

of projecting towards others, like

171

just being around you makes me happy.

172

Jenn: Oh.

173

Here's my question to you.

174

Joshua: Okay.

175

Jenn: Why on earth would I work

so hard to heal, if I didn't

176

want to truly live my life?

177

Joshua: Mmm.

178

Jenn: I always thought like,

"Oh, I don't have a choice."

179

I certainly have a choice.

180

Joshua: Yes.

181

Jenn: I could have gone a different route.

182

I could have refused treatment.

183

I could have decided that things were

too hard and I was going to, you know,

184

take care of not having to go through

that anymore, but that isn't part of

185

my makeup, because I do believe that we

are all built and born with resilience

186

muscles that we can flex and engage

in order to meet challenges, and

187

that's the work that I'm doing now.

188

It's literally my purpose.

189

One, without coaching, I wouldn't be

upright and in the spirit that you see me.

190

Coaching saved me.

191

It's changed the dynamic of my family.

192

It's made me see the days in different

ways, makes me more grateful, and

193

then I look back and see the people

that I've been able to share just

194

a glimmer of what I've learned and

experienced and if even if it's just

195

changed their day, it's made an impact.

196

Joshua: I have to say that for some

people, when you asked me the question

197

about, "Well, do I have this meaning

in life to actually carry forward?"

198

A lot of people would actually say no,

so that's why I think hearing it from

199

your perspective, "Well, yeah, of course.

200

Why you think I'm sitting here today

doing this interview with you?"

201

I think a lot of people would actually

legitimately ask that question, because

202

sometimes they would give up, and I

think it's such a discussion point

203

about what our society is as a whole.

204

If we want to make a decision of saying,

"I'd rather give up than even keep trying

205

for that matter.", which I think, both

you and I, have seen a lot of those

206

different things over the last several

years with not only the way society

207

has been, but also how we treat that.

208

Jenn: Yeah.

209

Joshua: I think that you are saying

some things that are really important

210

to this conversation, because one of

the biggest buzzwords that I saw that

211

I was even struggling with saying when

I was introducing you was the word

212

prosilience, which is a combination of

being proactive and having resilience,

213

so I was wondering if you could tell

us a little bit about that, because

214

you obviously can be an authority about

that from your story, but I'm wondering

215

what that means for you in working with

others with that framework in mind.

216

Jenn: Sure, and I also want to

acknowledge that this was my choice.

217

This is my journey.

218

This is how I'm meeting my challenge,

and each of us has that choice.

219

I don't like labels of right

or wrong or good or bad.

220

We put meaning to those types of words.

221

Now what I've experienced in my life,

I didn't quite know how to describe

222

it, and I just know that I did it

when I was a teenager, people would

223

be like, "Oh, how do you do it?

224

How are you so resilient?",

Well, one, I'm a teenager.

225

I'm a mortal.

226

I'm not going to die.

227

Just fix me, right.

228

Joshua: Yeah.

229

We have that super complex as a teenager.

230

Jenn: Yeah, and then I adopted a daughter,

who, seven years after we brought her

231

home, developed a chronic illness.

232

She has a low grade brain tumor, and for

the past seven, eight years, we've been

233

managing it well, and then people ask me

then, "Well, how are you so resilient?

234

The brain tumor thing?

235

It doesn't end.

236

How do you do this?",

I'm like, "I don't know.

237

Did I have a choice?

238

I didn't know I had a choice.", so I

started to research resilience more.

239

I started to study compassion fatigue,

especially during COVID when so many

240

of our healthcare and frontline workers

were being asked to do superhuman

241

things, and I was interested in being

able to support the aspect of compassion

242

fatigue, and then I started researching

compassion resilience, because fatigue

243

to me has a lack in it, and I don't

know if you can tell by my voice,

244

but I tend to gravitate toward the

abundance mindset, so I found compassion,

245

resilience, and then I found prosilience.

246

It's work done by Linda Hoops, who is

an organizational psychologist, and it

247

talks about resilience and resiliency

as a verb, not something that we have

248

to be born with and use all the time,

but resiliency that we can use this

249

when we need to, and that everyone has

resilience within them, and then also,

250

talking about proactively building your

resilience, even with micro challenges

251

during your day, so that when you come up

to face a large challenge, or adversity,

252

or intense disruption, that you sort of

have those muscle memories built, and so

253

that you can meet that challenge in a way

that's not going to drain your energy.

254

Joshua: Yeah.

255

It's almost like yoga in a way,

because yoga channels that energy

256

and focus and concentration, and

I know many different people.

257

I've worked with clients that have been

at a gym, and they started in the last

258

couple years, and I've had a couple

of those people on the show already

259

that have shared their resilience

story of being able to push forward.

260

When you're working with someone, and

they are kind of resistant to that

261

methodology that you have just discussed

that was from Linda Hoops, is there

262

something that you utilize to kind

of help them to explain this concept

263

in layman's terms, because I'm sure

my audience is like, "Prosilience?

264

Well, yeah, yeah.

265

What the heck is that?"

266

Yeah.

267

Jenn: Well, one, I have to say,

and I always invite clients,

268

and people, even my husband.

269

I invite to discern for themselves.

270

Is this for me?

271

Is this my way?

272

Is this going to serve me, and if it's

not, that's wonderful, but I'm not going

273

to let you drop out of the conversation.

274

I'm then going to ask the next question.

275

"Well, what is for you then?",

because I don't want to leave you

276

in a place of stuckness because

you reached out for a reason.

277

Let's move you forward in some way.

278

For someone who came to me, and is

asking about proactive resilience,

279

but they're saying, "Yeah, resilience.

280

I don't believe in that.

281

I'm so tired of being told

to be resilient, so I'll pull

282

yourself up by your bootstraps."

283

All those things.

284

You don't always have to pull yourself

up and., Quote unquote, get better

285

or grow, during this process of

proactive resilience or resilience,

286

but, is there a way that you can

minimize harm during a challenge or

287

adversity using some of these concepts?

288

Is there a way that you can find

stability or remain at your baseline,

289

because I don't like the description

of resilience where you're like, "Oh.

290

I fell, and now I have

to pull myself back up."

291

Well, if you've fallen, you don't

have energy to pull yourself up,

292

so let's catch you before you fall.

293

Let's catch you.

294

Joshua: You remind me of the old Life

Alert commercials where, you know, the

295

lady falls and they can't get back up and

they have the button, and I know there's

296

been a lot of parodies and laughter

about it, because of what has been-

297

Jenn: "I've fallen and I can't get up."

298

Joshua: Get up.

299

Yeah.

300

Yeah, exactly, but, you saying that

just now, it had this serious tone for a

301

second, and I flashback to, "Well, yeah.

302

You're providing a service that can

be life saving in the biggest sense.",

303

because when we are not energetic, when

we're not willing to push ourselves

304

forward, I think that makes such a

huge deficit in our ability to keep on

305

going, because we're putting that energy

into, "Well, we just got to get up and

306

just trudge through it.", so when we

use up all that energy, what's left?

307

Finding that why statement, I think,

is really important for so many of us.

308

I guess I want to ask you.

309

What is your why, Jenn?

310

Jenn: Oh my goodness.

311

Well, so what you're speaking to

here is the fourth building block of

312

resilience of prosilience, and that's

talking about managing your spiritual

313

energy, and that's defined as connecting

with a sense of meaning and purpose,

314

and I think if listeners rewind back

to the beginning of this podcast

315

they'll hear my meaning and purpose

and my why, and it's not only for me.

316

It's for my 15 year old daughter, who

I get to model what it's like, to build

317

your prosilience every day, when you're

looking at an MRI every three months to

318

make sure your brain tumor hasn't changed.

319

It's for myself, looking at labs

every three months to make sure that

320

my kidney is not decided to reject.

321

It's for my client who's just recovered

from breast cancer, and being able

322

to move forward, and not fear the

monthly labs and the uncertainty of

323

not knowing what the story is going to

be when the doctor comes in the room.

324

Joshua: It puts in

perspective what you said.

325

We only have a short time on this earth

to live, which, give it or take it,

326

for some people, it's 70, 80 years.

327

I've seen people that live

way over the age of 100.

328

It's just really about what all kinds

of different factors are presented to

329

you, that allow you to live that life.

330

We haven't really talked about your

daughter yet, and I'm kind of, curious

331

about what it has meant to be a adopted

parent, first off, because I've had

332

some adopted parents on the show, and

they have told some amazing stories

333

about how they've been able to not

only achieve fatherhood or motherhood.

334

I think of James Marland.

335

James Marland was on my show, and we

talked a lot about his adopted son and

336

how that's really helped that dynamic

of bridging into his business and what

337

he does to help others, but I'm curious

for you, when you have this daughter,

338

it was a great blessing, it sounds

like, but she has all these issues.

339

Jenn: Yeah.

340

Joshua: Does it become a little bit

taxing some days to, like you said,

341

looking at the MRIs every few months

to make sure everything's okay?

342

I mean, does it start to become a

strain, and if it doesn't, obviously

343

you have worked through that.

344

What has it meant for you to be able to

support somebody like that to continue

345

to grow, and nurture, and foster them?

346

I wonder what that experience is.

347

I'm wondering if you could share

a little of insight of that.

348

Jenn: Sure.

349

Well, the moment I held her in my

arms, it was the night she was born,

350

and it's like I just relaxed into

myself, and since then, I don't know

351

if you know Blind Melon, but they

have a song where they sing about

352

my sunshine with the sky blue eyes.

353

That's what she is.

354

That's what she is to me

when she was a baby girl.

355

That's what she is to me when

she was a rambunctious three

356

year old jumping off my couch.

357

That's what she is to me when we're

sitting in children's hospital

358

waiting for the results of her, I

don't know, hundredth MRI, because

359

she is courage, in walking form.

360

Even if she doesn't feel

like it or portray herself in

361

that way, that's what she is.

362

That's what she is for me, and we talk

about some source outside of ourselves,

363

whether that be God, the universe, like

whatever you might believe in, in that

364

realm, meant for us to be together,

meant for us to be a family, and

365

needed to find a way to get her to us.

366

We live eight minutes from

the children's hospital.

367

I've been in medical crisis,

off and on, for 3 decades.

368

My husband's been through my 2nd

kidney transplant with me, where

369

his brother was in the operating

room at the same time as me.

370

Who else better to shepherd her

through these difficulties then

371

those of us who have experienced

it, and she is my biggest teacher.

372

Always.

373

Always.

374

Joshua: Now I understand why you call

your business Prosilience Coaching.

375

I mean, it makes big sense to me now with

what you just shared, because I think it

376

could be easily distracting for all these

different things and we get sidetracked,

377

but you have this laser focus.

378

I feel that with what you're saying

as to what you do, why you do this.

379

It's not just for your daughter.

380

It's not just for the family.

381

It's really about empowering and

helping others, but what you've

382

been through, they are able to

be successful in their own right.

383

Jenn: Yeah.

384

Joshua: So Jenn, I really am curious,

because you saying that, and if you

385

have something to say to what you I

just said with that- Yeah, go ahead.

386

Jenn: I was just going to point out that

I can't remember the person who said it.

387

I think Haruko, we'd have to

remember, and then share it and

388

show notes, but pain is inevitable.

389

Suffering is optional.

390

When I'm on the seventh floor of

children's hospital, and I see new

391

parents walking down the neurology

floor, and they look like a deer in the

392

headlights, the first thing I want to

do is take away their suffering, and

393

as a coach, I know I can't do that, but

that's one of the reasons why I started

394

this business, because if there are

people out there who's suffering I can

395

lessen with some of this information?

396

I'm going to do it.

397

Joshua: It is sometimes really difficult

when you know that somebody is sitting

398

on your couch, or you're sitting across

in a virtual room like we're doing

399

right now, and you feel like they have

every right, have every opportunity

400

to achieve something that they never

felt they could ever achieve, and it's

401

sometimes so sad when you know that

they're kind of walking away from it a

402

little bit, and you're like, "No, no, no.

403

Don't do that.

404

We just want you to just steer that

ship a little bit.", but you know

405

that it's really the ultimate choice.

406

It's not something that we can say and

force down on them to be, "Yes, you

407

must do this, or else.", and I've said

this a lot of times on my show about

408

being that dictator can do so much more

damage, than actually just being with

409

them in that moment to hear what they

have to say,, and maybe give them some

410

encouraging words and maybe some direction

if they're willing to take that too.

411

It's a balancing act in

itself, and I wonder.

412

You've seen these families in the

hospital, and then you go and you do

413

this coaching that helps others too.

414

What would you say has been one of

your more successful clients that have

415

embraced what you have been through,

which, I want to put this in perspective.

416

You've only been open for a number

of months when we recorded this.

417

This is actually a few

weeks into your business.

418

When this actually airs, it will be

several months down the road since

419

you opened it, but I'm curious.

420

What do you think is a successful

client, because I had my own ideology,

421

my idealogue of what that was just

about a year ago when I opened my own

422

business, but I'm curious for you.

423

What does it mean for a client,

in your tutelage, or your

424

guidance, to say that, "Yes.

425

You are successful?"

426

Jenn: Right.

427

Well, first of all, I would say to be

aware, to acknowledge and feel whatever

428

you're feeling, whenever you're feeling it

in a way that isn't destructive to others

429

or yourself, so for the highest good, I'm

not telling you with prosilience to always

430

be positive; put on toxic positivity

no matter what crap comes my way.

431

I am prosilient!

432

No.

433

Take the time that you need to

allow the suck, and then decide

434

what you want to do with it.

435

That's actually one of the building

blocks of prosilience is choosing

436

the strategy with which you want

to face the challenge or adversity.

437

I would say the thing that is most

important to me, and even if it wasn't

438

laser focused prosilience coaching, but

the coaching that I've done over the last

439

7 years with personal and professional

development, is when people can feel

440

confident and calm and ease, and if not

joy, at least some contentment in life.

441

None of us were guaranteed an easy go

at this thing called life, and we get to

442

choose how we come up against challenges,

and how we experience our everyday life.

443

I choose to do it with high

energy and high vibes, because

444

that makes me feel good.

445

I really just want people to get

to know themselves and to live

446

their life the way that's going to

serve them and the greatest good.

447

Joshua: Well, let's ask

that question to you.

448

I know that you've answered it in

many different forms so far about

449

what that greatest good is, but here's

actually a more specific question just

450

to get to the nuts and bolts of it.

451

Jenn: Sure.

452

Joshua: When people listen to your

story, I think they're thinking, "Wow,

453

that's a lot, and you're doing this.

454

How are you giving to others?

455

Where's this energy reserve come from?"

456

I've had these questions throughout

most of my life too, because I've

457

found this way to work through shame,

and guilt, and things that I know I've

458

done wrong, and the people that are

my enemies, I know they're listening

459

to them and they're probably thinking,

"Yeah, you've done a lot of wrong.

460

I can't believe you did that.",

but I'm thinking, "Yeah.

461

I've learned from it and you're still

stuck in it, so what's your problem?

462

Let's go.

463

Let's go.

464

Let's move on.", because life is too short

to be stuck in it, and I stuck myself

465

in it for over three decades myself.

466

Jenn: Wow.

467

Yeah.

468

Joshua: Where do you find that

energy, Jenn, to say, "Screw it!

469

I'm not going to let this get me

down although I've had things with

470

my daughter that I've adopted.

471

I have things that I'm

dealing with personally.

472

I have things I'm

dealing with my clients."

473

What makes you smile, and keep that going?

474

I think some people are desperate

for, like, finding that.

475

Jenn: Well, one, it's normal for me.

476

I know that sounds so weird, but all

of these challenges, I've been doing it

477

for three decades, so in my mind with

things, when they come up, I normalize

478

them, versus catastrophize them, and

the other thing I have to say is that

479

I believe that we were all born to

experience this for ourselves, if that's

480

our journey and if that's what we want..

481

Joshua: It's all about the matter of

pursuit or what I think many, many,

482

many years ago, I would say back in the

483

Jenn: Not the 90s?

484

Joshua: Not the 90s.

485

Not the 90s, as I was thinking of

earlier before we started recording,

486

but I'm thinking of the times in

which people were idolizing the

487

ability to go out west, to find their

manifest destiny, to claim their

488

land, to claim what dreams they have.

489

It's sort of the same concept, but it's

sort of a renaissance moment for many of

490

us, especially in today's day and age,

after post COVID, to realize we need to

491

find that calling, and I think many of us

have been trying to do that, regardless

492

of all the health, all the financial, all

the social difficulties that we face as

493

a society, so I think hearing what you

have to say with that is so interesting,

494

so Jenn, I have this one final question

for you, and then I want to give you a

495

few moments to pitch your newer business,

which I'm really excited about because-

496

Jenn: Well, thank you.

497

Joshua: Just in that self, because I

was in your shoes, not all that long

498

ago, and I feel like I've learned

so much about opening mine that I'm

499

really excited for you, but anyway-

500

Jenn: Thanks.

501

Yeah.

502

Joshua: What would you say to someone

that is going through all these different

503

types of challenges that you face?

504

Maybe there's somebody out there that

has either been in those shoes, knows

505

somebody that is going through those

shoes, and they need some advice.

506

What would your best advice would be?

507

One thing that you would share, that would

help them carry them to a energy, positive

508

filled outlook, similar to what you have?

509

I mean, I know that not

everybody's going to match your

510

energy level, but I'm curious.

511

What would be your best advice for

them that somebody is going through

512

something like you're going through?

513

Jenn: Sure.

514

Well, first, I want to preface this by

saying that I need to check my privilege

515

here, because other than all of these

adverse things that I've come up

516

against, I have a loving support system.

517

I have a safe country to live in.

518

I have a roof over my head.

519

I'm not working on those primal survival

needs that all of us humans need, so I

520

do have the extra energy to focus on my

mental, emotional, and spiritual energy.

521

Sometimes, my physical energy is pretty

down because I'm having to deal with

522

whatever, whatever, but what I would

say as acknowledging my privilege, is

523

that I believe you don't have to wait

until things are better to live better.

524

Joshua: Oh.

525

I could have used that advice

four years ago when I'm thinking

526

about everything that I've been

through, let alone even as a kid.

527

If I would have been able to

tell my younger self that, but I

528

know that's so cheap to say that.

529

Jenn: This is part of your

journey though, right?

530

Joshua: Exactly.

531

Jenn: You wouldn't be the person

that you are doing this to help other

532

people if you hadn't gone through

those things that you've gone through.

533

Our pain is our purpose.

534

Joshua: Yes, and what drives us, because

of all those experiences create that

535

manifestation of what we're able to

provide as a result today, which I'm proud

536

to say I'm willing to do that, and I'm

hoping one day, I can shed my full time

537

job in order to do this full time myself

so that I can live that purpose more

538

intently and with conviction, because I

definitely feel that, so I think we're-

539

Jenn: Beautiful.

540

Joshua: All- Yeah, I think we're all

on the same path, so Jenn, thanks

541

so much for sharing all of this.

542

I want to give you the last few minutes.

543

I feel that there are people that might

be interested in learning more about

544

Prosilience Coaching, your business.

545

I think that they might be interested

in reaching out to you, maybe learning

546

a little bit more about your story,

especially if they have some questions,

547

maybe they're going through something

similar, so I'm wondering if you could

548

share how they can get in contact

with you, what kind of services

549

you offer through the business.

550

I'm going to give you

the last few minutes.

551

Go ahead and pitch yourself.

552

Jenn: Well, I appreciate that.

553

Thank you.

554

Well, I don't know about you, but I

find for me and my clients, when we

555

are faced with a challenge, everything

feels swirly, all churned up inside.

556

It makes it very difficult to function

or focus or even think clearly, so if

557

you're tired of feeling jumpy, tense,

clinched and chaotic inside, or you're

558

not even sure how you're going to make it

through what you're going through right

559

now, I'm asking you to DM me on Instagram.

560

You can find me at @JFredWI, or on

Facebook at Jenn Frederick's: F.

561

R.

562

E.

563

D.

564

E.

565

R.

566

I.

567

C.

568

K.

569

S, Prosilience Coach.

570

Just D.

571

M.

572

me the word calm and I'll share a

surefire way to lessen that chaotic

573

feeling inside and those spiraling

thoughts, and then level out the swirl

574

when you're in or facing a challenge.

575

We don't have to work on building your

prosilience until we get you to a stable

576

place where you feel safe and ready to

level up to building your prosilience.

577

Let's work on your

resilience, but again, DM me.

578

Calm.

579

Joshua: I feel a sense of calm

already just listening to that,

580

and just listening to this whole

experience that you've been through.

581

I feel a sense of peace with that,

but I have to be serious for a

582

second because, and I think this

is important for everybody to know.

583

First off, before I hopped on

here, I'm going to freely admit it,

584

Jenn, to everybody, I thought that

you were like 20s, in you're 30s.

585

No, you're much older than that.

586

Jenn: Joshua's my favorite.

587

Joshua: Yeah.

588

You blew me away, and here's why,

and I say this to say, your energy

589

level is something that most people

at your age, which I'm not mentioning-

590

by the way, did you notice that

I didn't mention your exact age?

591

I'm not going to.

592

Jenn: I'll proudly say it.

593

Can I?

594

Joshua: Yeah, go ahead.

595

Jenn: I'm 47.

596

I'm on my fourth kidney and I'm 47.

597

Joshua: Okay.

598

She said it, not me, just for the record.

599

Jenn: I'm proud of it, man.

600

Joshua: But I'm proud of you because

you keep that resilience going.

601

Your prosilience, I should say.

602

Jenn: Thank you.

603

Joshua: And I think that's such a

big part of this, because I think

604

some people would just want to

give up, honestly, dead serious.

605

I wanted to give up, and I don't know what

I found inside of me that said I need to

606

be resilient, and I needed to keep pushing

forward, but it's stories like these that

607

remind me of the human condition that it's

so important to just keep on reinforcing

608

it with ourselves that it's not the end of

the road, that we can keep being better.

609

We could keep being stronger, and that

even though we have things that throw

610

roadblocks along the way, you just

navigate around them so that you become

611

better, and you've been doing that,

and I think for all those reasons, your

612

story of prosilience, your ability to

do that, from one coach to another,

613

Jenn, thank you very much for being

on Speaking From The Heart today.

614

It was really a privilege to hear

your story, but, to know that there's

615

a coach out there just starting

out, that makes me feel so good.

616

I feel like I'm on the other side of this

fence being able to cheer you on, so I

617

wish you best luck in your new venture.

618

Jenn: Thank you so much.

619

Joshua: I want to thank Jenn again so much

for sharing her amazing story, and how

620

choices can make such a big difference as

to whether it sets us back, or allows us

621

to keep moving forward, because we really

are the ultimate control factor, and being

622

able to flip that switch on, or flip that

switch off, when it comes to being better

623

about our lives, but I know that chronic

illness is something that we need to

624

really have a serious discussion about.

625

I know that we often have to think about

the things that are involved with being

626

a caregiver, being able to take time

away from maybe our pursuit of what we

627

want to have in our life, figuring out

what our confidence, determination, and

628

relationships are, especially when we

have these types of situations come up.

629

I know of many different people, of

all variety of different backgrounds,

630

that have had to go through such a

caregiving situation, and it's not easy.

631

It means sacrificing a lot of energy, a

lot of resources, a lot of things that we

632

normally don't have, especially if we have

to ask for help, and that help sometimes

633

can create and foster, maybe some

resentment, maybe some disgruntlement.

634

It's weird, because in other cultures, it

is actually the importance of children to

635

take care of their older family members,

and I know that maybe that might not be

636

what happens here in the United States,

but for those that actually take a big

637

step back and actually have to work on

those sort of things, I commend you.

638

It actually means that you're involving

yourself with all the different things

639

that might be happening in that person's

life, while at the same time, taking a big

640

step back from your own responsibilities,

being able to take care of yourself

641

and the ways in which you are able to

learn how to have a speaking voice.

642

I think the question that we often have

to ask when we look at episodes like

643

this is, how many different purposes

are involved with figuring out what our

644

true calling is, because I know that for

many, we have multiple purposes, and it

645

often distracts us, too, because it can

serve as a distraction when we have so

646

many different moving parts of our lives.

647

Figuring out what that one purpose

is, especially when combining it into

648

one succinct fashion, so that we're

able to work on ourselves, to keep

649

moving that needle forward, means

that we have to understand why we

650

have all these purposes to begin with.

651

Purposes could be such as being a

parent, being able to work on your

652

career, being a boss, maybe even

being a line worker for that matter.

653

It could be as easy as just figuring

out why, oh why, you do the things that

654

you really do, even if you think that

you have to do them out of obligation.

655

Jenn could have refused treatment, but

she wanted to work with the doctors

656

and work with the things that she

could figure out in her own life, and

657

each of us have that choice, whether

we want to acknowledge that overall.

658

Sure, maybe out of the things that we

want to have in our lives, especially a

659

prolonged life for that matter, we need

to be able to work with people, be able

660

to work with psychiatrists, work with

therapists, work with our medical doctors,

661

in order to prolong our life, but is this

really going to serve me, and believe

662

it or not, there are many people that

have to oftentimes ask that question.

663

I know for many different parts of

my life I often had to ask that same

664

question at a very young age, and as

much as I wanted to back away from

665

making that decision, because I was so

young, I know that deep down inside,

666

I just wanted to keep moving forward.

667

There was something that always drove

me, and maybe is something about what

668

we oftentimes think of as sustaining

our human ability to live on this earth.

669

Finding ways in a creative sense

to continue living the best life

670

that we could possibly have, but

freedom does not always equate to

671

actually getting what you want.

672

Freedom can also be a negative

aspect of your life, especially

673

if you have too much of it.

674

You're not restricting yourself from being

able to stay focused, to be able to keep

675

moving that needle forward in your life,

regardless of what that needle looks

676

like, but you don't always have to just

get better at doing what you're doing,

677

even if it is having unlimited freedom.

678

You have to really ask yourself:

is this going to serve me?

679

What is in it for me, but more

importantly, and especially in Jenn's

680

case, to keep moving forward, even

if other people might not be there.

681

Now, I get it.

682

Pain is inevitable.

683

One way or another, we're going to

experience it, and the best way in which

684

we have that choice to decide whether we

are going to accept it or not, is to get

685

comfortable with it before it's too late,

having, as Jenn calls it, prosilience.

686

The results of what is involved with

that means that we have to stay engaged

687

with the variety of different stories

of people that are in our lives, but

688

also our own story for that matter.

689

It means moving the needle forward,

not only in the sense of what we are

690

going through, not just in what other

people are going through, but knowing

691

that we have that ability to acknowledge

it, and to stop pushing it away.

692

I've known people for so long push

away what they really believe is the

693

true version of themselves, because

they've been afraid to actually tackle

694

it, to actually see what it would look

like to get to that other side, and it

695

is an absolutely big difference when

we keep moving our needle forward, to

696

keep pushing ourselves in the direction

that we were destined to be, and if

697

you think that is just simply being

a caregiver to your daughter, to your

698

son, to maybe even a significant other,

even other family members for that

699

matter that is is not a bad choice.

700

As a matter of fact, it might be the

most fulfilling choice that you ever

701

have, to not only appreciate what you

have deep down inside of yourself, but

702

to acknowledge what you have is different

areas that are involved in your life,

703

acknowledging what those feelings are,

and taking a hold of maybe someone

704

else's life to make them feel better.

705

A long time ago, I've talked about the

importance of having those relationships

706

with others, and in that context,

I've always mentioned the importance

707

of not only understanding why it's

so important to have relationships to

708

lean on, especially when the times get

rough, but I also have shared with you

709

on many different other guest episodes,

why it's important, why it keeps

710

that momentum going, and here it is.

711

Jenn's story shows why momentum is so

important, even if you feel so defeated.

712

We can feel confident.

713

We can feel calm.

714

We can feel ease.

715

We can feel joy.

716

We can be content with all the different

things that are happening in our life,

717

but if you're going to let pain destroy

you, maybe even manipulate you into

718

thinking that you have no purpose

yet on this earth, even if you're not

719

able to accomplish the dreams that

you set forth, I think you need to

720

rethink that position today, especially

after hearing this story from Jenn.

721

We have to normalize that catastrophes

happen, and I know that sounds very

722

radical, and it sounds very challenging

in itself, but let's face it.

723

If I didn't normalize the catastrophe that

happened in my life four years ago, and

724

to turn my pain into purpose, as we've

talked about in a recent interview episode

725

too, I wouldn't be sitting here today.

726

I wouldn't be pushing through.

727

I wouldn't be working on myself

with the help of others, even

728

my best friends for that matter.

729

In other words, if you really

think that you have it really bad,

730

you need to check your privilege.

731

That's right.

732

I'm calling you out for what it is.

733

It's privilege.

734

You have that choice, and you dare

say that you can't work through it?

735

That's hogwash.

736

If I told myself every time that

I couldn't work through something,

737

then I wouldn't be here today.

738

I wouldn't be pushing through.

739

I wouldn't be making ends meet, regardless

of how tough it could be, so what do you

740

have to do to change that energy level?

741

Does that mean that you

have to yell at yourself?

742

Get another person in

your life to yell at you?

743

Absolutely not.

744

As a matter of fact, I despise the fact

that I would want to yell at my clients.

745

It's a terrible thing.

746

Early on, I would say that probably I was,

but I also was a naive coach, thinking

747

that maybe I can shake, rattle, and roll

through all the different things that

748

my clients have, but yet, I realized

that it isn't about what my purpose is.

749

It's about what their purpose is.

750

It's about what they're going through,

which might make it challenging.

751

I think this is a very tough

conversation to have for a

752

variety of different reasons.

753

Not only is it hard to talk about death

and talk about even the pain that we might

754

have, which we've had doulas already on

the show that have shared the importance

755

of giving birth, having somebody as a

support system that's involved with the

756

process of helping others see their best

version of who they are, but even in

757

death, even in the things that you might

think are really bad, there is hope.

758

You can refuse treatment, and

you can find ways to cultivate

759

the health that you might need.

760

You might be having the best support

system behind you to keep moving that

761

needle forward, as I keep saying, but

yet, if you're going to be able to

762

serve not only yourself and others, it

isn't just about what's in it for you.

763

It isn't just about what's in it for them.

764

It isn't just about getting better.

765

It isn't just about finding that pain

and being able to work through it.

766

It's about not only knowing

that you have a choice.

767

It's about how much energy that

you're really willing to put

768

into it to make that change.

769

I think that people, as they go

through life, think that every

770

time that we have some sort of

setback, it's some sort of omen.

771

It's some sort of design in which we have

been told that we can't do X, Y, and Z.

772

I want to challenge that today, especially

after hearing this conversation, of why

773

it's so important to not only acknowledge

that it's okay to be in the place

774

that you are, but to not dwell in it.

775

It's also my important duty to tell

you that you do have that purpose,

776

and that other people have purposes

too, so how can we collaborate?

777

How can we find the results in our

life so that we are able to live that

778

best version that we've always sought?

779

How can we find the energy and the

persistence to keep pushing forward

780

even if other people say no, or

even, when nature says no to us too?

781

I know that even with all these

things that might hold you back, even

782

in things that even Jenn might have

shared today, I want you to know that

783

it's just all about choice, and that

you need to check your privilege.

784

You live in a world that has

so many infinite opportunities.

785

There are so many resources available

and there's so many ways in which you're

786

able to navigate through it, but you have

to take your own responsibility for it.

787

If you're able to find that perspective,

through strength, through determination,

788

or even compassion for that matter, you

can build what Jenn calls, prosilience;

789

proactive resilience, for that matter,

and fear will never stand in your way

790

again, even if you have the worst news

ever given to you, because you are so

791

valued, and your voice, especially when

I need to hear it the most, will ease

792

me into a greater sense of well being.

793

Your life is really important.

794

Count it for what it's worth,

because, let's face it.

795

Pain, although inevitable, is not

inseparable, but yet, pain will drive you

796

to become the best version of yourself,

not only in the stories that you have

797

yet to share, not only in the things

that you have yet to acknowledge, but

798

when we start to normalize catastrophes,

when we start to realize that we can put

799

them in perspective; yes, that's right.

800

You are the best version of yourself.

801

Thanks for listening to episode

number 122 of Speaking From the

802

Heart, and I look forward to

hearing from your heart very soon.

803

Outro: Thanks for listening.

804

For more information about our podcast

and future shows, search for Speaking From

805

The Heart to subscribe and be notified

wherever you listen to your podcasts.

806

Visit us at www.yourspeakingvoice.biz

for more information about potential

807

services that can help you create

the best version of yourself.

808

See you next time.