In this episode, Marie Alessi interviewed Ian on how a loss affects us, how we go ahead after a loss, what legacy we want to leave for our departed loved ones, and how he surpasses his healing path

 Don’t miss:

• How expressing your emotions help you hold your space and keep it together
• How Loss was affecting my connection with my family and keeping it all together
• How Ian get through the first stages of his healing process after the death of his dad, and how he was able to improve himself going through his loss.
• The universe's exquisite interconnectedness despite the pain,and what the universe’s require for the next stage of their journey
• Grief in each person is distinct and individual. we can choose a journey in what we want in life.

Check out Marie Alessi on: https://www.mariealessi.com/

About the Host:

Ian Hawkins is the Founder and Host of The Grief Code. Dealing with grief firsthand with the passing of his father back in 2005 planted the seed in Ian to discover what personal freedom and legacy truly are. This experience was the start of his journey to healing the unresolved and unknown grief that was negatively impacting every area of his life. Leaning into his own intuition led him to leave corporate and follow his purpose of creating connections for himself and others. 

The Grief Code is a divinely guided process that enables every living person to uncover their unresolved and unknown grief and dramatically change their lives and the lives of those they love. Thousands of people have now moved from loss to light following this exact process. 

Check Me Out On:

Join The Grief Code Facebook group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1184680498220541/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ianhawkinscoaching/ 

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LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/ianhawkinscoaching/ 

Start your healing journey with my FREE Start Program https://www.ianhawkinscoaching.com/thestartprogram 

I hope you enjoyed this episode of The Grief Coach podcast, thank you so much for listening. 

Please share it with a friend or family member that you know would benefit from hearing it too. 

If you are truly ready to heal your unresolved or unknown grief, let's chat. Email me at info@ianhawkinscoaching.com. 

You can also stay connected with me by joining The Grief Code community at www.ianhawkinscoaching.com/thegriefcode and remember, so that I can help even more people to heal, please subscribe and leave a review on your favourite podcast platform.

Ian Hawkins 0:02

Are you ready, ready to release internal pain to find confidence, clarity and direction for your future, to live a life of meaning, fulfilment and contribution to trust your intuition again, but something's been holding you back, you've come to the right place. Welcome. I'm a Ian Hawkins, the host and founder of The Grief Code podcast. Together, let's heal your unresolved or unknown grief by unlocking your grief code. As you tune into each episode, you will receive insight into your own grief, how to eliminate it and what to do next. Before we start by one request, if any new insights or awareness land with you during this episode, please send me an email at info at the and Hawkins coaching.com. And let me know what you found. I know the power of this work, I love to hear the impact these conversations have. Okay, let's get into it.

Hi, everyone. I was a holidays last week. So no interview last week for me to share on here. But I wanted to share with you and a interview with when I was interviewed a month or so back. And I connected with Marie Alessi on LinkedIn. She works with people around grief as well. We work with in a from a different perspective, which is pretty cool. Our journeys were different around grief. So that's no surprise. And she asked me a lot of questions around my own experience with grief. And it's I love her every time I get interviewed, it seems to be a different conversation. And that's awesome. And that's why I love sharing this, these chats with you as well. So in this particular chat, I shared with Marie, my own experience with grief, particularly the kind of trigger for all of where I'm up to now is the death of my father. And then other moments as well that have happened throughout my life that and my own experiences of the unknown and unresolved grief that have come to the surface that I've worked through. And so I really enjoy this chat. I know you will, too. And particularly if you've experienced any sort of grief, and maybe you haven't an inkling that there's some other unresolved stuff that still playing out that's impacting you, you're not really sure why or how this will give you a heap of insights into what that might look like and what might be going on. So enjoy. And I'll speak to you tomorrow

Unknown Speaker 2:39

Good Morning, beautiful people. This is Marie Alessi with the beautiful Ian Hawkins, I'm really, really excited to bring you another upstyle grief interview to you. With Ian by my side, Ian and I have connected on LinkedIn. And I instantly felt there was something we had in common, and I so wanted to share Ian with my audience. I'm really, really excited that Ian is here. Thank you so much for joining me this morning. And I would like you to give us a brief introduction before we go into the interview. This stage is yours.

Ian Hawkins 3:12

And so how was showing up for me was how I was reacting with my family so on one of one of five children we've had a big family family's always been really important I've got two teenage children of my own and what started to unravel man was how all this stuff was impacting my relationship with them so yeah, keep it all together at work be the you know be do the right thing and being you know, you know what I needed to be in that work environment and then coming home and all that that stuff that was bubbling away yeah, yeah. explodes out for the people that should be getting the best of you then then weren't. So when you say introduce myself like it's it's that journey for me around being a family person and wanting to that to be much much better and it's really fascinating that it can came through mind grief from losing a really important family member that I had clearly, as I went on the healing journey had a quite a disconnect with that knowledge they just didn't know at the time.

Unknown Speaker 5:11

Wow, that's really beautiful that you say that. And I think it's really beautiful also that this very moment was triggered at your dad's funeral. You know, like just thinking about what people say about me. And I think it is a really quite a profound question, as I said, because that topic that we previously spoke about when we first connected legacy really comes to mind, you know, it really is that question of, what legacy do we want to leave behind? And also, what legacy do we want to leave behind for our loved ones that have passed? You know, that was a question I asked myself, when it came to write when my husband died, and I thought, What legacy do I want to leave? For him? It was quite a responsibility, a very beautiful one that I embraced full heartedly, you know, so, do you want to share a little bit about that? What is your legacy?

Ian Hawkins 6:01

Well, interestingly, I probably didn't really come back to that place again. Because it was all through my own lens. And at first, the early stages of my healing journey was a lot of it was blame and anger towards my dad. And this is what happens, right? When we have all this stuff, from something that's not talked about enough. It's the guilt, the shame, the anger, the frustration, and, and all those things that happen when someone leaves us. And whether it's grief of losing someone or other grief that plays out in your life, like a loss of a job, or a breakdown of a relationship, whether it's a friend, or whatever it is. And so going on that journey, to start to peel back the layers of what was causing me so much pain. And like I said, I started in that blame space, because he's like this. And he did that. And what am I get more of this? And why did I get more of that, and then starting to learn about personal development. And that was one of another one of those sort of divine moments, I guess you would call it where we had the global financial crisis was talking to a relative, their dad wasn't able to retire because of their super. So they're, they're basically their retirement is just collapsed because of the markets. And what what, what, that's the thing, like, so that was like, Okay, I need to take responsibility. So that was my first step into taking responsibility, I need to do something about our future. And yes, it was through that financial lens, but then finding a financial mentor, that taught me that it's not about the money. I mean, it's about the money, but you don't make money by just having tools to make money. There's a million tools out there to make money. But you need to go through the healing process, to feel worthy to feel loved to feel safe. All those things. Yeah. All those things. So. So one of the very first things that I learned from him was these letters of forgiveness. And forgiving, not for them, but forgiving for you. And I started writing these letters, and I'd written a few paragraphs for different people when they came to my dad, and I'm two and a half pages deep, and I'm bawling my eyes out going. Oh, I guess there's some, I guess there's some stuff here. Yeah. And that was the start of the healing journey to go. Okay. Well, I've got some stuff here that I need to I mean, I was also like, okay, but he's not here. How do I resolve this? Yeah. When when he's no longer here. There's so many things now that I want to ask him. And there are so many things I want to say and apologise for. And all these different things. And, of course, I'm sure many of you watching or listening have experienced similar things where like, well, now what, what do I do now? Yeah, that's, yeah. I would love to share some of you here the end, because I'd love to hear your opinion on that. And your experience with that, because I know that you've done so much work with forgiveness. And it's really interesting that we have this conversation right now, because I need just the other day, posted that on my Instagram and also on Facebook, which was actually a post about forgiveness, you know, and that was triggered. I just want to quickly share this story and then don't go to that question. It was triggered actually, in a podcast where I was interviewed, and the interview interviewer asked me, if you could go back and tell your younger self, your 20 year old self, like a little word of advice, what would it be? And you get this question quite often, but I always go by gut instinct, what pops up in the moment and instantly when she asked me that was forgive quicker, like, Wow, it's so simple, so powerful, you know, and the forgive quicker, like don't hold on to things. And I often refer to forgiveness as it's like a tug of war, you know, two people holding on to something, it's like, you let go, No, you let go.

And it's like, what happens when one person lets go, it doesn't matter if the other person pulled him or not. It has no effect here, you know, and I often see that once somebody passes. They're the ones that all already let go. Because I, while everybody's got different beliefs, but I strongly believe when somebody passes, they are ain't just love and peace. They're wrapped in love and peace. There is no necessity for forgiveness anymore because once they pass, they have already let them go. There's no more work to be done over there. You know that that is my opinion. I don't I don't know what your beliefs are. But I'd love to hear how was your experience with that? Well, your beliefs around that.

I'll tell you another story, I've had grief that maybe I'll come back to my dad afterwards. Because this is something that I've unpacked in my mind a lot of times. And this is like the part of what I help people with is the gift and the grief, which is not something that you are necessarily ready to find early days. But as you go through the journey you'll find so, so fast forward, I'm I've been learning all this sort of stuff. And I'm taking all my staff where I worked at the time, through all this ways of improving themselves. And I'm loving it, right. And one particular young guy was was he was one of my staff, he just embraced so much. And we we went on this journey together, we changed so much in a short period of time. And he wrote me the most beautiful letter just thanking, thanking me for all he did for what I'd done with him. And then he dies. Well, like I get a call that with the city to serve in Sydney is a pretty woman fun run after so so I'd run it that day as well, we, you know, we will get together with other staff members and and you know, we catch up the cafe great day. And then and then I didn't even give him a second thought like, I don't know if he was planning meeting is there anything for that, but I hadn't even thought about him. And then I get a call later that day to find that like, as he crossed the line, he basically had a problem with his heart and, and he died there at the finish line. And at that moment, I'm sitting there on my, on my deck on the stairs, just like what, why not. And then the thought spirals. I've pushed him too hard. Like, this is my fault. I got I did this, you know what I mean? All these sorts of feelings. And then sitting in the backyard having that moment like I would sell everything I own right now. Because it means going to sweat. It means nothing. It means absolutely nothing. Without without the connections and without the people and without. Yeah. And I would have at that point, I would happily sold everything I owned and found a small shack in the wilderness and move there, my wife and tickets because that's just how I was feeling about the world. And then my really good boss at the time. And so we was television. We had to we had to go to work the next day. Because our particular part of television, it's not working, get 20 temps and come and do the thing. So I have to be there with my staff, we have to get the work done. We didn't say a whole lot, but we just like, just get it done as quickly as you can, and we'll get out of here. Anyway, they called us into a meeting and and they talked best they could and making make it clear that we had support. And then my boss called me aside and he said, Look, he said, you know, this isn't your fault. I said, I know, I know that logically. At this point. I can't. I can't reconcile. Yeah. And so then getting to the point where down the track is I sort of unpack this and actually, with a kinesiologist I stalled my growth as a coach for three years until he cleared it because of this fear of well, what will happen to someone that I help? Will the same. Yeah, right.

I can only imagine it makes so much sense. Yeah. Because it doesn't matter what other people tell you that it's not your fault. When you feel that you feel that it's your reality. You know, nobody can take that away by saying, Oh, it's not your fault. You know, it's very, it's a very real emotion that we carry very heavy. I can only imagine how that would have held you back.

Yeah, so in that three years, I'd been you know, having different conversations about what happened with him and and then I started to realise that he'd had a really tough upbringing he like he called it social anxiety, helping him to make peace with the fact that he was really really strong introvert and here was his gift if he did this and more of this he's gonna doesn't have social anxiety you just eat it in crowds exhaust him and but don't try and be something that you're not because he was trying to be this life of the party and it was just wasn't computing or is he was more quiet, unassuming sort of person and, and then through that he found a girlfriend, he he started really working on his physical health. He started getting all these projects away from work. And when I kind of landed was he had everything that he ever wanted plays into exactly what that made me feel warm and fuzzy when it played into what you said, like when we is that part of our journey, once we have everything that we ever wanted is our time done. And then the beautiful entanglement of the universe's even though it feels so hurtful is everyone else in that experience getting exactly what they need for the next level of their journey, including me, including his girlfriend, including his parents, so his parents wanted to come to work. And so what we did was we sent them letters to tell to tell them about his experience, and particularly in the last few years. And his mum decided she didn't need to come. She didn't need to come because she just felt or whatever she felt through that process. Yeah. And so having that conversation in my head about this staff member and it was no Okay. Was that the case from my dad to like it had he had he got to everything that he needed, like, and more importantly, through the lens of the impact on everyone else was everyone else getting what they needed, even if it wasn't thought they thought they wanted. And herein lies this place is like, well, if you're going depending on the stage of grief, you're up to reconciling that and believing that could be true. Well, that's really hard to fathom. But the more you can make peace with your own hurt around it, the more you can find these beautiful, peaceful, real solutions to what's playing out. And this is where the sort of spiritual depth comes to it. I'm very much landed at the space that we choose the journey, like I liked. So I think I introduced you to Karen. chasen where she talked about Yeah,

she'll be on with me as well. Yeah, cool. Have to check the date. But she'll be Yeah.

Yeah. So I won't spoil her story. But she said, we're talking about her grief story, how we sat down. And she said to me, we sat down together before this life. And we talked about this and how it play out. And as hard as it wants to go through all of that. And like, Yeah, her story is unbelievable. It will blow your mind what she's been able to go through.

It's amazing. So yes.

It's easy. Not to compare grief, right? Everyone's grief is different and unique. And it's not to say one's better or worse or whatever. But it's her talking about that. And what Yeah, I'm a believer in that to us, like, well, we choose this journey, like, and you can you can decide to choose whatever you want about this life. But I choose meaning, that just fills me with love, and beauty and hope. And to believe that there's nothing else out there apart from just this life. To me, that's personally that's a sad way of looking at it.

I I agree. And I just want to thank you from the bottom of my heart, because that question, and I've been dealing with, with this on a professional level for like, close to three years now. And this is the very first time I heard somebody put it into that question, you know, maybe that person had everything they came here for already. And that is such a beautiful phone, really, because it's so enriching, when you think about it from that perspective, and takes a lot of the sadness away. It's actually really celebrating the beauty that they have, and had in their life that they've bought into into other people's lives. You know, and when I think about my dad told me, you know, he's achieved so much in his life. And, and same with Rob, you know, it really brings so much peace to me to think about it from that way. My belief is the same, like you said, we do choose our journey. You know, I believe in soul contracts. I believe that we have certain contracts with certain people when we come here. And I found that very soon into the journey that Rob and I had the soul contract, and it had ended and I realised how much love there was in this contract for him to leave so early, and not all you, you abandoned me, I never felt like that. I never felt like, Oh, you've left me behind. You know, I remember I had some of that at the very beginning of my healing journey. Because there was this, you said, you'd never leave me and now you're gone. You know, there was that moment, but it was more a moment that brought me then to a really beautiful realisation. How much love there was behind that, and I really love that perspective. You know, I know that we also chatted about intuition. Talk to me a little bit about that because intuition is one of my strongest things in this whole journey. And I love that. You have that too. I see so many parallels in our journey. I just really love having you here. Hey, this is just a quick break. If you're enjoying this podcast, think of one person that you're

joining into what came through to me which links into your question was, as you were talking, it's like, even when we have these different thoughts about how it plays out, it's still okay to feel whatever emotion you're feeling around it, it's still okay to be angry that they've gone, it's still okay to, to feel guilty and to feel whatever else that you feel around it. Like, that's part of tuning into the intuition, is allowing the feelings to fully flow through you. So interestingly, just before we jumped on, I was just chatting to my coach about some things that had come through to me on the weekend. And we're talking about this sort of stuff. And I'll come back to that. But starting from my journey with intuition was being a child that just knew different things. And I didn't understand it this way at the time, but I just can remember thoughts of art, can't you see that that's happening there that that person needs this, that this person doesn't need that like, and all these things, and it's how I looked at the look at the world, like on a massive sport fan. And so as a, as a kid, I watch sport through the lens of how are they connecting? Is there any hope there? Do they have? Right, like, beautiful, amazing, we didn't make any sense to me, but it makes so much sense now. Yeah. And then also being that looking up at the stars, and just constantly thinking, what what is all? What is this, this world we live in, like, I grew up in a Christian family. So you learn about God and all these different things. But you still your mind just boggles like account on this small little person. And there's this whole thing out there. One specific moment really stands out. And it's funny. I read about this from someone else's perspective around Halley's Comet, or we went to drive up to the mountains to see to get a better view turned out it'd be ended up being the best view because when it came closer to Earth, it was pretty ordinary view here in Sydney, but we went up to the mountains and watched it and driving there and us going to see this thing, like I just got full body tingles thinking about the mysteries of the universe. Great, there was a show when we're on, when we're young here in, in Australia, great mysteries of the world. And it used to come on about five o'clock in the winter, it just be starting to get dark. And it had this eerie music, and it talked about the supernatural and the paranormal and, and like these tales of people having these out of body experiences. And, and, and they would say like, you know, and we only use like 10% of our human brain, like what else is possible? And that question just had me going, yeah, like what else is possible. And so, but it also know that when I'm around that same age that I just gave up so much power, when just the constant fighting is the middle child of five, I just made a commitment. I'm not going to fight anything anymore, whatever comes from my parents, except that move on. And I just know that I get up so much power, and it just attached me from that part of the journey. And so then another 20 something years of on this treadmill of just drifting, because I disconnected from that ability. But the moment that I went into that healing journey, and healing, the unresolved and the unknown, and it all started to come back. And then it accelerated to the point where our abilities are so strong that I get, even through this conversation old get different elements of unresolved and unknown be presented to me through our conversation for you and for me. And so that's that, like I get different confirmation, the ability to decode dreams for people, to help them to come back into their body to get that guidance, to then see the visual cues. And then ultimately, to be able to get the guidance direct from God, I have to tell this story because it's grief related

place. It's such an incredible gift. I really have to highlight that it's incredible. Thank you

have a session with my coach for about a year ago. And I said to her I've got this new programme coming through. It's called decoding divine guidance and I don't know a great deal about it at this point. And so we started talking about the sort of thing we're talking about my dad and I am full body tingles again. And I had this thought of the song that played at his funeral, his favourite song, and it's called telephone to glory. And it's about the royal telephone that you can talk you have a direct line to God. And she said to me still emotional, right? If she said to me, you know, you've you've had that direct line. And I yeah, I do, like I have this knowing that I have this direct line. Got it. And I help other people to find it as well. And that was like, I've done some big healing, like one in Bali comes to one was a lot of stuff. And my dad, actually, by a incredible guide, there was actually I spent time with my dad in this vision, it was incredible. And I did a lot of dry reaching there. But the same thing happened with this realisation about this song and how that's a moment at the funeral. It was talking directly to me this this song, like, telephone, the glory, right? And I had to excuse myself, I said, I feel like I'm gonna be sick. And same thing like Dr. Ricci just purging so much stuff, as this realisation came through and and then around that same time, I might even just been before it was a realisation around, I was talking to someone I said, I feel like you need to have some sort of physical object that connects you to your loved one had passed. And I said, it's an oyster and I showed them my crystal that I've now handed on to my son. Yeah, which, which, which I said, I'll show you this. And then as I showed them, I suddenly went, Oh, didn't my dad have something that looked like this? So I got off the call. And I said to my mom, look, this is gonna seem weird, but this has just come through to me. And she showed me a, a necklace that had a Opal on it, which is actually hers. Yes, my dad had this. And she sent me a photo of this guy, right, of the pentacle. So so it comes through, from from his mum, and I've had it by jeweller said 160 years plus old, wow. And intuitively read as possibly the oldest 220 years old. So I don't know where it came from. But there's a reason why a habit came through in that conversation. And I'm still making sense of a lot of that, but a part of this energy is part of helping people deal with grief. And this is just coming through intuitively, right now is connecting people with this energy, which has been, for the longest time shown to be a negative symbol, or give you turned upside down. Just another way of hiding us from what's really true. Yeah, and it's such an incredible, powerful gift to have these things. And what I'll feel like called to share is that we all have the a never ending depth of what is possible to come through to us on the other side of grief when they're ready to receive it. And we have to be ready. And for those of you sitting here going in the depths of stuff still, and you're not ready, that's 100% Fine, and you have to be ready. But there are ways to be ready quicker. And that's by allowing someone to guide you through a process to release them, I've had so many incredible guides over my journey to help me to heal, I still have many of them now that I either pay to see or I have honoured to be able to connect with them and to be guided through as we take each other through these different things and the incredible people that have sort of come and gone through my life over that time. And so I agree enough

with you like, it's so important to have that guidance for yourself as well, even if you are one of those people, a coach, a healer guiding other people helping them in their journey to have your own guidance as well, because it's such an ongoing process of learning and stepping up, and especially in the healing space, you know, there's always that next level that's more powerful and even more intuitive. I love love, love the journey. And I'd love to ask you about your process, you have developed a really amazing process called the grief Coach, can you share a little bit about that?

I can. So the Grief Code is a five step process. And it's seated through everything that I teach. And that's the free programme or that has been free, I'm actually going to start charging a nominal fee for it because it has been so powerful. And it really is self acknowledgement of whatever's going on. The ability to talk about allowing yourself to feel all of it to release the break that's holding you back from living the rest of your life. And then to be able to take the next steps. And this came through to me intuitively in meditation. So that's one element to it. The other there's actually a lot of depth to us that are just too early just keeps coming through. There are four levels of I take people through whether it's through the specific group programmes or or when I take people through a one on one journey. And again, it's been my post grief journey. Finally direction because I hadn't until that point And interestingly, now the gift and the grief that is unlocked this incredible direction from my life, the freedom to be to me myself, so rediscovering myself to find your calling to connect to purpose. And then the intuition. So decoding the divine guidance. And so that's the four steps, I'll have the key and then the four, four prongs of it. I love it. Yeah. And if I can keep going for a sec, I had another leg come through and, and in a dream, again, on how to decode the dreams now, which is pretty cool. There are seven things you need to talk about. And wake up from that guy. What What do you mean? Like 777? What, right? And so I asked him meditation, can you show me the seven things and the phrases come up, and I've got them on my wall here. And it's, it's your personal truth map. And each seven of the layers relate to the seven chakras. This so the energy system of our body? Yeah, yeah. And the process actually came, you'll love this, it came in Bali. Because I was on this healing journey. And I went to the on a on a holy day there we went to the fountains in up in the mountains for the holy waters come through, and the smell. And the that five step process I talked about came through with the fountains. So one of them had me shaking uncontrollably. Didn't want to leave, and other had me sobbing uncontrollably. So they go in and dip through these fountains really quickly, the locals, whereas poor Westerners who are so traumatised, and grief stricken, we have these incredible moments and hold up the line, they end up skipping past us another one where I was just sobbing uncontrollably. And another one was just euphoric. And so that was the, the acknowledgement, the real, the allowing, and the release. Yeah. And, and so very much linked to the the different parts of our energy system. And there's no doubt be more depth as I go along the journey. So with that,

I love though, when I can just recap, but you know, when you really come back to the acknowledgement, allowing and release, this really is the shortcut of any healing journey. And I know, there's so many different modalities, and I can see that you and I have got a lot of parallels in our work. And I absolutely love it, because I often talk about the hidden gifts and adversity, and helping people discover them. So they're not hidden anymore, they can really step into a potential new stance. So I love the way you frame that. And I think when we really go through this process of acknowledging where we act and what's going on, allowing that's one of my favourite words, I use it all the time, you know, allowing whatever comes whatever happens, that also includes a joy, you know, there's often so much joy along the way, where people go into this old label of Oh, my God, I can't allow joy in the process of grief, you know, and that is that is my biggest. What do you call it? Purpose. That's the word I want I wanted to use. It's part of my purpose, you know, making people aware that everything is allowed, and nothing is just nothing in life is just sad or happy. It's all of it all the time. And we can choose what we allow in and then then releasing that I really love that.

Can I just add one that came through to me, not only purpose, but actually your gift. Like you have the ability to help people find the joy and the joy in the grief and to the celebration, and because not everyone's journey is the same as yours, right? Like, so I teach people my journey, which is very different. I very much wasn't ready for joy, earlier stages that you were, but there's a reason for that. And, yeah, so I'll let you keep asking the questions.

No, that's fine. Yeah, actually, we're actually already past a half an hour. And I said, it's obviously fine when we got over because I just really didn't want to stop the conversation here. But before we conclude this interview here today, and I'm fairly certain, I'm going to have your back hopefully, in a few months or so we can chat further and a little bit deeper as well. But I'd love to bring it back to you to conclude this conversation. You know, is there anything in particular, apart from how people can actually find you because we'll be sharing these links underneath the interview. So don't worry, we'll get all the details how to connect with Ian, he'll be sharing all his websites or social media links, whatever you want to share. But is there anything that you would like to highlight or leave people with before we

conclude this year? Yeah, I would just say be patient with yourself on the journey, because there's so much expectation, external expectation, and wherever you're up to is okay. And making peace with that is going to be part of helping you to move forward. I look at it like this, the early stages of grief, there's a lot of support. Everyone goes back to their daily life. And then you go into the drifting stage where you're now what, and that can last six weeks, or it can last six years. And for me, it was six years. And just drifting. I wanted to change, but I didn't know how. And the hack to speed that up, is you have to reach out and ask questions to people. Now, early days in my coaching journey, I felt uncomfortable saying this, but it's like, no, it's like, it's so true. It's why I have a a team of people that I can rely on at any different time from going through this, I know who I need to contact and they can help me. And so if you're at that point, you're in the drifting stage and you are ready, or you're kind of contemplating it, and speak out to someone speak out to Maria, speak out to me speak out to someone else that you're aligned with. That's really important. Someone that actually is talking your language and that their story makes sense to you.

Exactly that I love that open up the conversation and speaks your language so

important. Yeah, well, I've worked with coaches that were probably the wrong fit. And so having someone that's on the same page is so important. And talking about, like being able to talk and if you're not ready to talk it out, get a pen, get a bit of paper, and write those letters of forgiveness, if it helps burn them as a release, or just start writing in a journal or whatever it is. Which will allow you to take the step when you are ready.

Thank you so much. And I really, really love that. And you know what, the other day I was actually at a point where so much was bubbling up for me like another layer of healing power that you know, when you think you're done, and then there's this next layer and it hits you and you're like, Whoa, where did that come from? And I my coach actually said to me, did you journal and I said, No, it was coming so fast. I would. And he said, just use your body or next time I like. So simple. Thank you so much. Yeah, I really needed to hear that. And I thought it makes so much sense because my brain is sometimes in so much overload. And it goes so far. So I'm like, make someone use the audio just Oh

yeah, absolutely. And that way inclined that the the otter app is great, because it will record the audio and transcribe it together as well. So

perfect. Yeah, perfect. I love that little recommendation here. And it was such an honour and such a pleasure to have you. I'm really, really happy that we could have this interview. And I'd really love to have you back for a bit more depth and a bit more to share here. And I love having people come back after interviews that you know, we have so much in common and I'm really quite honoured that we're connected now. So as I said, Ian will be sharing all these links where you can get in touch with him. Thank you so much for your time for being here today. And yeah, beautiful day, everyone. You're welcome. Thank you for having me.

I hope you enjoyed this episode of The Grief Code podcast. Thank you so much for listening. Please share it with a friend or family member that you know would benefit from hearing it too. If you are truly ready to heal your unresolved or unknown grief. Let's chat. Email me at info at Ian Hawkins coaching.com You can also stay connected with me by joining the Grief Code community at Ian Hawkins coaching.com forward slash The Grief Code and remember, so that I can help even more people to heal. Please subscribe and leave a review on your favourite podcast platform