The No New Friends podcast wraps up its final episode under its original name, marking a significant transition to "Parents Night Out with No New Friends." The hosts reflect on their journey over the past four years, sharing laughs and memorable moments while discussing the absurdity of conspiracy theories, including a humorous take on whether hurricanes are man-made. A lively debate ensues about the quirky nature of Florida and New Jersey news stories, highlighting a case of a man who tragically died after hitting a pig with his car. The episode features various segments, including a farewell to beloved recurring themes and the introduction of new content ideas. As the hosts prepare for this new chapter, they express gratitude to their listeners and contributors, promising that while the name may change, the essence of the show remains the same.

Links referenced in this episode:

• www.sandpipervervacations.com
• nonewfriendspodcast.com

Companies mentioned in this episode:

• Sandpiper Vacations

The no new Friends podcast is brought to you by Sandpiper Vacations.

For the best in vacation plannings, just visit www.sanpipervervacations.com.

let them know that the no new Friends podcast sent you.

Broadcasting from the Sandpiper Vacation Studios, it's time for the no new Friends podcast.

The podcast for adults who love to laugh at adulting.

The good, the bad, and the funny.

Okay, here we go.

54321.

It's showtime.

It's Showtime.

That's right.

For the last time ever, this is the no new Friends podcast.

The podcast for adults who love to laugh at adulting.

Now, if you'd like to connect with us, just check out our social media links.

They're all there on our website, nonewfriendspodcast.com.

while you're there, check out our sweet merchandise and also join our clubhouse for as low as $2 a month.

That's our Patreon.

You can become a friend with benefits.

And it has exclusive, you can see petty room floor, exclusive content, be involved in games, all sorts of stuff.

That's right there on our website.

My name is Scott.

I'm the host.

With me, as always, my incredibly talented cast of characters, the scumbag reselling hoarder himself, Chris, one last time.

Great song.

Relax.

Have a drink with me.

One last time.

All right.

I was gonna sing the whole thing, but we'll.

You should.

I love that song.

It's a great song.

American princess Sarah.

I can't even live up to that at all.

Thank you.

You just did.

It's pretty touching.

You just did that voice.

So you're not touching.

Nick's not here.

Yeah, and Nick's not here on our last episode of no new friends ever because he's out partying at disney.

And our producer, Alex.

It's me, Alex, in the podcast.

Also, we have a ton of people here in virtual studio.

We've got King Mike.

Xdhdem got Dane, the sophisticated gentleman.

We've got Ryan.

We've got Remy.

And we're going to get to them all in a bit, because this is the last ever.

What?

What did I do?

Oh, jaws is here, too.

I know.

Jaws is here, too.

I'm sorry.

Address the jaws in the room, would.

You, with a real jaws, please stand.

Anyway, this is the last episode of no new Friends ever.

Ever because we are changing the name of the podcast next week to parents night out with no new friends.

So really, this is an opportunity for me to be super dramatic.

Yes.

Absolutely.

Nothing is changing with the name.

Before we get to my everyday life.

What's that?

Being dramatic.

Okay, that's fair.

Before we get to the goodbyes and all that good stuff, we.

There's a couple of things that I want to talk about.

So, you know, I don't know if anybody noticed.

There was no episode this past week.

There was not an episode that came out on Sunday.

We recorded an episode on Tuesday last week.

It hasn't published yet.

It did.

What was I listening to?

What's that?

What was I listening to?

An older episode, I guess.

Wow.

Because the episode that we recorded last week before the last episode, our last episode, just the four of us, of none of your friends has not come out yet.

Why?

As of this point.

What's that?

Why?

Well, because there was a hurricane.

Alex has not had any power.

Oh, that's right.

That's right.

And I haven't had time to really go through and edit the episode.

Oh, rest in peace to our last episode.

Our second to last episode.

It will come out eventually at some point.

Well, by the time you're listening to this one, you will have already heard the last one.

But that's why it was late.

Yes, but anyway, has the courage to do so.

So there was a hurricane and Chris, you're not going to believe this.

There are people that think that the hurricanes are man made.

Well, I saw Sarah's basement.

I'm pretty sure they are.

She's got a couple controls, control room down there.

It's not real expensive.

She can only show like a slight breeze.

But listen, if she had more money, it'd be like I could see how it would be a hurricane.

Sarah?

No comment.

I'm not supposed to tell you guys this information for our stream.

I'm sorry.

I want to go to game master Ryan real quick.

Game master Ryan, you live in North Carolina?

I do, yes.

Hello.

Wait, real quick, before we get going just with the introduction at all, this is the very last episode of the no new Friends podcast.

Yeah.

So I do want to address this conflict.

We've been, lots of people been talking about it.

Is it gay master Ryan or game master Ryan?

It's game.

It's only the gays that call it gay.

Okay.

Okay.

So you go both ways.

I'm inclusive.

I'm not that kind of north carolinian.

Okay.

All right, good to know.

Thank you.

Proceed.

Proceed, Scott.

So being a north carolinian, are these hurricanes man made or are they just mother nature natural disasters?

Apparently the Jews control them.

From what I'm hearing from their jewish space laser.

Sarah, from your jewish basement, that's usually.

How it works, guys.

If I blame my people.

Yes.

Dane.

Sorry.

I needed to raise my hand because it's.

It's call on the very formal here.

Very formal.

It's not a free for all here.

I know.

Well, you have guests on and we're not allowed to talk, so.

You're allowed to talk.

I just need.

James Yan is on some sort of control.

Yeah, exactly.

So what you.

Yeah, dictatorship.

I get it.

Um, so yeah, no, hurricanes are man made.

You ever go to the science museum?

You ever go to the science museum and you know those things where you can like twist something and then like the twister starts in the machine?

But that's.

Yeah, I know it's a tornado, but it can.

Hurricanes can be the same thing, dude.

You can get a.

You can.

Somebody has made that machine.

But for hurricanes, just put water in it.

Boom.

It's hurricane.

Yeah, it's actually.

That checks out.

Yeah.

So there's a lot of conspiracy theories out there that these, these hurricanes which Sarah and I got hit with last week and it like, this was no joke.

This was a legit hurricane.

Sarah, you didn't lose power.

But.

But it was pretty bad for you, right?

It was actually.

I mean, it was.

I mean, we just moved inland what, two months ago.

Right.

So it wasn't as bad here.

But when I got back beachside to Daytona, they got hit really hard.

Actually, I didn't send you guys this, but I got into the restaurant and, uh, the entire frame of our, of our huge window wall was just busted.

They had to shut the whole side of the restaurant down.

And I'm like, what the hell hit that?

And they were like, oh, no, nothing.

That was literally the wind just caught a little gap and the whole thing was bent inwards.

So kind of scary to work around that.

It was extremely scary.

i mean, it was so freaking loud.

And to think that people think that it's man made is crazy to me.

Yes.

Dane.

Let me ask you this, Scott.

As someone who needed to stay at their job during the hurricane, how did you feel being forced to stay at your job and not with your loving family?

That's a great question.

That is a great question.

Scott.

Loved it.

Yeah, I loved it.

I will tell you, Dane, for hurricane Ian, I did not want to be there.

I wanted to be with my family.

I don't sleep well during these hurricanes because I want to be able to react to things that are happening around my house.

But as someone who's ambitious and wants to move up, I relish the opportunity to overcome adversity and be in charge of something that is an anomaly and doesn't happen very often.

So, yeah, my family can fend for themselves.

They're fine.

Great question.

I was going to ask you.

Do.

Do they ask for volunteers or do they.

Do they actually force you for the hourly employees?

Absolutely.

They sign up for it for the managers.

Like, when I first.

When I first came on, I was the lowest on seniority, so I was just designated the hurricane rideout person.

But that was three years ago.

Now I want to be the hurricane rideout person because, again, it gives me an opportunity to showcase what I can do and organizing things.

And, you know, it was a.

It was a positive thing for me.

Oh, yeah, it doesn't work that way for me.

It was.

It was a text message and a group chat in all caps that said, please, I haven't slept for 24 hours.

Can somebody come and work?

Right, right.

So that's the difference.

Yeah.

I love doing it.

I'm very happy, happy doing it.

But do you think it's man made?

Sarah, do you think the hurricanes are man made?

Have you done your own research?

No, not past TikTok.

So take that for what it is.

But, I mean, and everybody has different opinions on it, of course.

But they say that a lot of it is, you know, global warming, and a lot of that comes from.

That's manmade.

Yes.

So, in a sense, it is man made.

But again, my extensive research is TikTok.

So.

Jeff, Chris, what are your thoughts?

You're a big conspiracy guy.

Yeah.

You know, I don't think a conspiracy is a conspiracy when you can link components together to actually form some truth out of it.

Scott, I don't think that the people conspirizing about this should be looked at in a negative light.

That's fair.

That's fair.

Speaking of, though, there's something that's been bothering me for a while.

Scott, hit my music, lizard people.

The moon landing birds aren't real.

Hi, this is Chris from the no new Friends podcast, and if you're hearing this message, you were selected to join the resistance for as low as $1 a month.

Join our Patreon and help us uncover the truth.

Upon joining us, you will be invited to our secret discord, where we help spread these truths.

You will be invited to watch our live recordings where the government cannot interfere.

For more information, please send a messenger pigeon to my underground bunker or visit us@www.nonewfriendspodcast.com this message will self destruct in three, two, one.

My first conspiracy being that Scott.

I don't think that Scott paid for an intro for Chris's conspiracy.

Conspiracy theory.

Conspiracy corner.

Wow.

Because I can't pronounce it.

I don't think he paid for one.

So I think that he may have recycled a Patreon ad.

Maybe.

Maybe.

I think that might be so.

All this conspiracy talk about the hurricane got me thinking.

I was getting my supplies for the hurricane at Petsmart for my dog.

Okay.

Making sure she had enough to eat.

All the way up in Jersey, you know.

Well, it didn't affect me, but it did affect me mentally and spiritually.

Sure.

Sure.

So I, there's no way I was gonna leave the house knowing that you guys could be in danger.

Dane told me the sign that I made the hurricane and he crossed out her as an her and correct that mccain them akin.

I'm a king.

Yes.

I will say it was very sensitive of you to drive around your neighborhood and point out to us that there were no trees down in your neighborhood.

I could, you know what?

Because of all the crying and emotional distress that I had, I thought I was gonna walk out to disaster.

And it wasn't.

So it was a beautiful day, and you should have been happy for me.

I was.

What I wasn't happy about is when I was going down the aisles of Petsmore, I was looking at the fish, you know, native to where, the water, the oceans, the lakes.

I went by the iguana section.

Native to, I think, your home country, Scott.

America and Florida.

Right.

You have iguanas down there?

We do.

And sometimes they fall from the trees during the winter.

That's true.

They freeze and fall.

Although Jeff Kaufman classic freeze and fall.

Well, pass by the snakes.

I've seen snakes before.

There's a dead snake on my street a few weeks ago.

Yeah.

You know they're there.

Parakeets live in the jungle animal kingdom.

Right.

And some birds live in the concrete jungle.

Yep.

Then I passed by the rats.

Makes sense.

All over New Jersey.

All over New Jersey.

But I'm walking down, I look down at the glass cage and looking back at me is what they call a hamster, Scott.

A hamster.

I've owned a couple.

I love hamsters.

Hamsters are great.

It's a great distraction from the horrors of the world.

Especially the little, like the munchkin ones.

There's hamsters.

Dwarf hamster.

Hamsters.

We call them little hamsters.

Teddy bear hamsters.

Long haired hamsters.

Which are native.

Wait, which are native to where?

Hamburg.

Hamburg.

You would think.

You would think.

So I couldn't find anything on the interwebs of where hamsters are native to.

So I spent the last 6 hours today researching and I think I have finally connected the dots.

Okay, gonna need some silence when I connect the dots here.

You gotta have to follow along.

This is extensive.

All right, ready?

Real quick.

Sarah, did you ever own a hamster?

I have.

And have you ever seen Hamster in the wild?

No.

Only when they escape.

Only when they.

Why are they always trying to escape?

It's almost like.

Okay, so hamster, hamster, wheel, wheel, barrel, barrel.

Roll.

What do you do before you roll?

You tuck.

Tuck.

Tucker Carlson, Fox News.

Fired.

Fire.

What do you do to a fire?

You blow it out.

Who blew a three one lead?

The warriors.

1979.

One plus nine plus seven, plus nine is 26.

The 26th state to join the United States was Michigan.

Michigan borders the Great Lakes.

The Great Lakes.

Great Expectations, a book written by Charles Dickens.

There are 50 states in these United States.

90.

214.

92.

Columbus sailed the ocean blue.

There are five oceans in the world.

However, pirates said there were seven seas.

Why would there be a discrepancy of two oceans?

One plus one is two.

But when you put one and one together, you get 11.

November is the 11th month of the year.

Remember.

Remember the 5 November?

A famous saying for Guy Fawkes Night.

Also known as bonfire Night.

Bonfire night.

Bonfire fire.

Red hot, cherry red.

What else is red?

Rubies.

Ruby red.

Ruby red.

Grapefruit.

Which of course, was discovered in Dallas, Texas.

The spot of the assassination of JFK.

The United States made hamsters in a lab to distract us from the assassination of JFK.

And that's why we cannot find them in the wild.

Scott.

Yeah, it makes complete sense.

Okay.

So you didn't even break a sweat.

This is 6 hours of research.

Stunning work.

Thank you.

I gotta hand it.

I just kept clicking Wikipedia.

I gotta hand it to you.

Probably one of your best conspiracy corners.

Yes, Dane?

I just googled where a hamster's native to and it says Europe and parts of Asia.

Alex.

That's what research I did.

Alex, cut that crap.

Do I actually cut this?

Oh, man.

I don't.

I'm just gonna.

I'm gonna leave it in.

Okay.

I did the real research.

This is how the media works, including things we don't agree with.

Yeah.

You did your own research.

Dane just went to Google.

Yeah.

Okay.

All right.

Now, thank you, Chris, for that conspiracy corner.

By far your best conspiracy corner.

Thank you.

Good thing it was the last one ever gone with a bang, right?

Exactly.

So, Sarah, we both work in the hospitality industry.

We both work for restaurants and all that.

I can't tell you how many times I have to go table.

Touch a table that has put the little Trump wants to.

I'm table.

What?

I'm table.

Yes.

They put a little sticker on the.

On the.

On the check.

Vote Trump.

He wants to get rid of taxes on tips.

Oh, that's how you know that Scott lives in a rich neighborhood, because in my part of town, they just write it on the receipt.

In his part of town.

Stickers.

Stickers.

They have stickers.

It says, vote trump for no taxes on tips.

That's literally what it says.

So I have to deal with this quite often where, like, I go to a table, and I'm like, okay, well, I know you stormed the Capitol for a couple of reasons.

One, the MAGA hats and then the ankle bracelets.

Uh, but just some of the things that they said.

But you had an encounter.

You had to serve a german guest this week, correct?

Oh, I did.

So I approached the table, and they were very awkward initially, and they were just very standoffish.

I could feel the tension, and I don't experience that very often.

So I continue on going about everything.

I keep checking back more.

More people are joining the table, and I hear them speaking what is obviously a european language.

So I walk over to my coworkers, and I made a joke, and I said, watch.

They're german.

That's why they don't like me.

Well, sure enough, I walk back to the table a few minutes later, and the guy at the head of the table is telling a story, and in one little snippet, he says in English.

So I said to the guy, do you speak German?

And I immediately was like, I called it.

I absolutely called it.

These people don't like me because they know I'm jewish.

And then I even said I was wearing my cardigan so they couldn't see my numbers.

Okay?

So they didn't know.

They didn't understand.

So I go back to the table, cash them out, whatever we have.

Thankfully, because of a lot of international travelers, we have an 18% gratuity on our checks.

So I didn't care that there was no additional tip whatever.

So at the end of the shift, we have to close out all the checks.

And because I work in a hotel, sometimes when they charge to their room, if they've cashed out of their room, you can't charge to that room any longer.

So we went to go and take care of that, and my other coworker found him in the lobby by herself and said, hey, sir, this is a situation.

Do you think you can pay by credit card?

And so he brings the credit card back in, he pays for it, leaves a $20 tip.

She didn't even.

First of all, we pool tips, so it doesn't matter whether he tips her or me.

$20.

But he adds $20 onto the check.

And so she shows me, she's like, hey, chase the guy down.

Check it out.

He left an extra $20.

Fantastic.

Love that.

However, I said to her, it was me.

I've explained to you already, it was me because I'm a jew.

She goes, yeah, it makes sense, because I'm german.

So all weekend, I had to wait on these people and continue.

Oh, no.

Yeah.

And here's the thing.

It was all fate of the rotation sheet.

That's.

That's how it worked.

It was solely because they was next in line to get them.

And I think an entire floor was all german people, because every time they charge to their room, they seem to be on the same floor.

Not sure if there was a function of some form going on.

You know, could be a family reunion, could be a convention.

I don't know.

So I didn't have to work the next two days after that, so I'm not sure how that ended, but that's.

My luck moved to you.

I'm not supposed to talk about that either, Chris.

Well, that sucks.

I'm sorry for you.

That's.

I get it.

I know how difficult it is when you are having to deal with people who don't have necessarily the same views as you or same, you know, whatever.

It sucks.

So I'm sorry for you.

That's okay.

It happens.

You guys ready for travels and tribulations?

We still do that.

It's back.

Things that are dead.

Any chance Anne Heche had of having an open casket funeral?

The contract for Jimmy Carter's hospice stay?

Any chance of Mary Reedy appearing anywhere in the Creators club universe again?

Oh, my God.

Scott's hair.

Jokes about Nick Castellanos.

My hope to see another covered bridge.

The Orlando magic attempting to win any championships anytime soon.

Studio 21 beating the allegations against them Angel Hernandez in collaboration with Arkham Asylum comics Steve rejoining the Disneyverse discord Steve making up with Eddie Diesem cases of continuity Scott appearing on creators United anytime soon thoughts from a Jew Remy's word of the week travels and tribulations and after today, the no new Friends podcast.

Why did I keep doing this segment for so long?

I like how some who's have a cold open.

He has a cold close.

I know.

I like that.

That was one of my favorites, too.

Sophisticated gentlemen, let's talk about your journey, your thought process.

With your segments as frequent or as infrequent as they were, you had some genius moments, especially not this one.

But the last one you did may have been some of your best work.

What was the last one I did?

I don't remember, but I remember it being very funny.

Thank you.

So what I originally wanted to do for this one was actually compile some classic travels and tribulation moments together at the very beginning.

Then I realized that that was through the old discord account that I sent to you, and I would have to root around in previous episodes to try to find all of those, and that would have been a lot to work with.

So I decided to just do something simple here.

But ultimately, travels and tribulations is kind of like, I don't know what taking drugs is like, but I would imagine that the process I use to write travels and tribulations is similar to what they refer to as being high.

So I start thinking up ideas.

I write down the ideas in the note app in my phone.

Sometimes they get mixed with my grocery list and my plans for the next Remy's roundtable trivia tour.

And then I just kind of see what pops out.

Sometimes something exciting.

Other times it's things that can't be aired.

Sg I have been.

I love the journey that you've taken us on.

You have enlightened us with different movie quotes and different literature.

And I am truly grateful for your contribution because I don't know about Sarah Chris, but I feel smarter having listened to your segments.

Oh, yeah, absolutely shouldn't.

It's because we're dumb.

Then again, if you compare it to other segments, like, you know, things relating to words in Florida, I don't know.

I don't know where I rank in that.

You've had some great moments.

One of my favorite things that you have ever done SG is when I was on that Washington trip and you compiled the greatest moments of no new friends podcast cast members on other podcasts.

That was insane.

That was insane how you did that.

I look back on that, and I'm just like, that took so long for me to configure.

I cannot believe that I actually got that thing finished, and then a few months later, one of those hosts wasn't even on the show anymore.

Right.

Yeah, we should have told you about that.

Ooh, a little awkward.

I like how you used their legal name, by the way.

Yeah.

I just wanted folks to know which Mary I was talking about.

I figured she's been gone from the show so long that people might not know who I'm referring to.

That's true.

People might not remember her for once in her life.

She's not the center of attention.

Nope.

Okay, so before we move to the next thing that I want to talk about, I want to open it for everybody who's in here.

This is your opportunity to ask questions, air your grievances.

I'm talking about you, Ryan, for not getting paid for all of your segments that you've done in the last three years.

I do that later on.

I.

But this is your opportunity.

Ask us questions.

Ask Chris questions.

You know, Chris had that opportunity when he joined the podcast after episode 22, because I thought it was a really big deal.

I was like, oh, we've done so many episodes.

Ask your questions.

That's right.

And he's like, well, you've really only had four episodes of noteworthiness, but why did you watch contagion after a global pandemic?

Yeah, it's a pretty bad move.

Yeah.

But.

Oh, and I did watch twisters during.

The hurricane, because Scott doesn't know what these things are.

He has to watch these movies, too.

His local media is not telling him about it, so he has to watch Netflix.

So go ahead, ask your questions.

Air your grievances.

Say what you want to say.

The floor is open for everybody who's here.

Are you going to pay me for the ad in the video the other week, or.

No?

No.

Okay.

Hey, Chris, if you could be on any other podcast, what podcast would you be on in the world?

Yes.

Any podcast that exists other than no new friends, what other podcast would you want to be on?

It would be the tie between bad friends and.

Pardon my take, so not the other podcast you're actually on.

Thanks.

Thanks, Chris.

Put me in a corner.

I was a good one.

Ryan.

You were going to say something, game.

Master Ryan, I just said, where's my money?

Oh, it's in the mail.

It's in the mail.

Checks in the mail.

I think, actually you sent it out with Jaws's t shirt or Jackie's outback card.

I didn't hit that.

It was like a week out of being expired.

But he had to confront him.

There.

He sold to a homeless person.

Person.

There are two universal lies, Chris.

One, I swallow two checks in the mail.

Which one do you normally go?

I'm going to say so.

Not lies that you tell, just you in general.

That made me think for a second.

Yeah.

Chris is trying to test that.

Yeah.

I was like, wait a second.

Scott, if you could take the hairstyle of anybody in this call right now, whose hairstyle would you take and why?

That is a great question.

You're swapping hairstyle so they have to get your hairstyle.

Wow.

Swapping hairstyle.

Honestly, as much as we dog him, Chris, I would love.

You want that greasy mess on your head?

Yeah, I wash it every week.

I would browse.

In high school, I had kind of the Dawson Leary hairstyle where I could tuck my hair behind my ear.

I've always wanted to tuck my hair behind my ear.

But, yeah, if I and Dane's hair is too long for me, for my.

For what I would like for me.

But, yeah, Chris's hairstyle is the one that I want.

The 25% Puerto Rican.

Yeah.

No, but the 25% Puerto Rican wouldn't let me go bald.

It would grow back.

It would grow back.

Although I think I pull off bald cause he would feel bad for me.

They think I was sick.

And then you question, why are you so fat if you're so sick, Chris?

When I started losing this hair at 17 years old, people thought I had cancer.

Are you okay?

Has this podcast been your make a wish, then?

Essentially, yes.

Yeah.

You'll be dead in two years anyways.

Wow.

Chris, I got a question.

Yes, Dane, I got a question for you.

Can you run some of those cards behind you real quick?

Dane has been supporting my whatnot stream like a.

I can tell you.

That's for sure.

Yeah, run.

I could swiftly.

I could swiftly jog them soon.

Dane.

Dane has been supporting my whatnot streams.

He has been.

And then it's true.

True story.

So I sold a Disney card to him the other night, and he goes, call me after you.

After you get off.

Which is weird, because I always call him when I get off.

And anyway, yeah, that is true.

He calls.

I call him, and he goes, dude, you sold me a $50 card for a dollar.

It's like, all right, fine.

Thank you for telling me.

I'm not sending it out.

So I sent him an empty envelope.

Did you actually, no, no, it was a $5 card.

So he did get a 40% discount.

I mean, a $44 discount, but, yeah, I respect that.

He told me immediately after I sold it to him.

I just couldn't live with the burden of knowing that you.

I love how you looked it up as soon as you bought it.

I didn't even buy it yet.

I looked it up immediately.

So we all know that Chris is doing this whatnot thing.

Okay.

And he's been selling cards.

Chris has always.

Chris and Sarah have been on almost every TikTok stream that I've ever done, and they've always supported me with saying to heart me or whatever.

And it's really not supporting me, it's supporting us, because all of that money goes into an account that sits there until there's enough that I can start paying people who do stuff here.

1 second.

He's going to wallet to us next year.

Two years.

You'll get that money in a year or so.

So I go on to Chris's first whatnot stream, where he's selling cards, and I bid on a couple of items.

Now, I didn't necessarily want these things.

Yeah, I was confused why you were bidding on them.

Right.

I was trying to drive the bids up.

Okay.

So I was like, okay, let me bid on these things.

It'll drive it up a dollar, and Chris will make more money.

Well, then I ended up winning these things.

Okay, fine.

Until it comes in the mail, which I was a little bit surprised on because I haven't sent Chris his Halloween stuff from three years ago.

Yeah.

My wife is like, what is this?

And I'm like, well, you know, I told you Chris is doing this whatnot thing.

And I bet on a couple of things.

She's like, you did what?

And I was like, babe, it was like, $5.

She's like, you got to stop that shit.

Like, I'm going to shut off your credit.

Cardinal.

Damn.

So I got this huge lecture from her for bidding on Chris's.

So I got a finding Nemo card.

That I was shocked that you bid.

On that it cost me $1 and a night on the couch.

Yeah.

Did you cry when you got it?

I didn't.

I did bring it into the show.

And cry with it.

I know, I know.

Maybe that's why it was sentimental.

That's why you bid on it.

That was for you.

Now, when Scott started bidding on stuff during my streams.

Oh, I guess Scott wants to start collecting cards, purposely run that Scarlett Johansson card, because I knew that he would bid on it.

And you did win that one, right?

That's my pride and joy.

If for some reason it stuck to the Nemo card.

Now, I'm still trying to figure out why it's joined these streams.

What are they?

Every Sunday, Mike, you can join me every Sunday.

And anybody listening, you can join me on whatnot.

At my legal name, at Christopher.

Yah.

This is how many.

These are how many cards I bought from.

Yeah, so they came in the mail.

We end it with a bang.

We end the Lord's day with a bang.

Let me speak every Bible story right there.

Way more insensitive.

Speaking of banging, Remy, you had a question?

I actually did have a question for Mister Yap.

Over in the corner, my dad.

Chris, I got a question for you.

Mandev.

Yes, Remy?

What are your top five favorite Pokemon?

Pikachu.

Trubbish.

Rubbish.

Trubbish.

He's a trubbish.

Is a.

Trubbish.

Is a literal trash bag.

Oh, I know that.

Right?

You dress like him.

Garbodor.

Which trubbish evolves into.

It's a garbage heap.

Jolteon.

That's four.

And then I'd say ditto.

Cause he turned into any single pokemon.

Gotta be honest, half of those sounded like slurs.

Yeah, and the last one sounded like.

A sex I've had for Chris before.

Doubles as one.

Doubles as one.

Yeah.

Those are probably my top five favorite.

I like the old school ones.

You know, I'm not the stereotypical charizard guy.

I like the more obscure ones.

Like, the fact that they made a trash bag into a Pokemon is like.

It's like a kid wrote in what they wanted to be a Pokemon.

Yeah, sure, sure.

I'm the embodiment of trubbish.

Trubbish and Garbodor.

Now, Sarah, you're a nerd.

What's your.

What's your favorite Pokemon cards?

Um, I wasn't ready for that question.

It's a hard question.

Which one's pick up?

Loose change?

Actually, Gim Ghoul is a literal coin.

There you go.

That's what this one.

That's her favorite.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I never heard of that one.

I stopped at the original.

I stopped at the original.

I get the game every year.

I don't play the card game, but I get the game every year.

I have all of my original cards still.

I still play poke.

I still play yu gi.

Oh.

I think Chris wants to make a purchase real quick.

Yeah, I.

Well, hopefully they're in better condition than mine.

I kept them safe.

They've been sitting in a.

In a little.

Actually, they were in a.

What is it?

Powerpuff girls tin lunchbox slash bank that they used to have, like, in nineties.

I wish I had it.

Shit.

That's what I put in there.

But it sat in there forever, and I found them not too long ago, and I do.

I have probably, like, 200, 250 original Pokemon cards.

Some yu gi oh.

Cards and pictures.

I will.

I'm talking so dirty.

Sarah, I'm sorry.

This is a married man.

That is so great saying that.

Yeah.

I want to see pictures of her feet.

You want to see pictures of her Pokemon cards.

We're in different places, Chris.

Louis ended up actually getting a bunch of the new ones, and so did our girls, and he started mixing them together in a binder, and I was like, please, no, no, no, no.

Don't do that.

Like, going through by date.

I was not happy that day.

That's amazing.

But ask me what my favorite Pokemon is.

I actually don't know.

Scott, what's yours?

I have no idea who Pokemon.

Anybody listening to this right now?

Jigglypuff.

Look up geodude.

It looks exactly like Scott.

Yes, it does.

Jigglypuff is my favorite pokemon.

Jigglypuff.

Okay.

That was my sister's favorite Pokemon.

I saw one cartoon, and I fell in love with Jigglypuff.

Just singing that.

Jigglypuff.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You like that?

My favorite is victini.

Yeah, it's a good one, too.

It's a good one.

The victory Pokemon.

The victory Pokemon.

So it's adorable in the show.

It is adorable.

Just like Scott.

So I know all of us here are Disney fans.

We love disney.

We love disney parks.

And the Disney race weekends are starting up soon.

Has anybody signed up for any of the marathons?

Thank God.

I mean, I would, but I don't live in that area.

I live near Chris.

Dude, I can't walk to my couch.

I'm not running.

No way.

Not much on a frickin marathon.

Absolutely not.

I'm going to say it now.

Disney race people are the worst kind of Disney people.

I agree.

They're worse than DVc people, worse than Disney adults.

I hate the Disney racers.

They're annoying.

They're annoying.

I think they're entitled to everything because they're raised people.

It's like you don't own the weekend.

like, stay in your lane, man.

Yep.

I would never do.

I would never even walk a mile, let alone run 3 miles.

But, sarah, you walk 4 miles inadvertently.

Yeah.

I still hate myself for it.

Thank you for bringing that up.

I had a kid free husband, free day after work.

Awesome.

I'm so sorry.

How did you cope?

I coped with a vibrator, Chris.

Oh, my God.

Wow.

Guys, my husband's right here.

Okay.

I went up.

I drove, like, 40 minutes north of Daytona to a less occupied beach because they were dredging the sand, and they were.

Do you guys.

I saw faces.

Do we know what dredging is?

I pretended that I did.

That sounds sexual.

I saw they bring the sand from deeper into the ocean, back up onto the shore to fill it back up, essentially.

So, like, we had the storm, so.

They do the jobs.

There it again.

This is just man made stuff.

I don't know what to tell you there.

I.

You know, Chris, people made, right?

Not man made.

People made.

Yes.

Sorry.

Thank you.

Sg.

Yeah.

Chris, here in Florida, because there's been so much beach erosion, they have to, like, move dirt or, like, sand around to maintain these beaches.

Hmm.

But with that, guys, comes shells.

Like, really good shells that.

Define good shells.

Like, big shells, not like the tiny.

Little ones, like the ones that go over Ariel's boobs.

Oh, wow.

Like those?

Like those.

But I only found one, and that doesn't work here, so.

No, no.

But I ended up going out, and I.

I've been doing some coursework, like I told you guys earlier, and I brought my purse with, like, the iPad, the water bottle, everything I needed.

And I get out onto the beach, and I start seeing shells.

And I start walking and walking and walking.

And Sarah saw seashells by the seashore.

Exactly.

And I was entranced, and it was a problem.

I had a shirt that I brought so that I could sit on the sand without getting all nasty.

Yeah, yeah.

And it turned into a makeshift bag.

That I think I bought that shirt that you used on whatnot.

You're welcome.

It's authentic.

From Daytona beach.

Super sandy.

Yeah.

So how many shells?

What was your haul, Sarah?

Way too many.

What do you do with them?

That's a good question.

30 years later, sell them as fossil section on whatnot.

Well, the kids now steal some of them, so that's good.

I kind of am able to disperse them a little better.

For real.

There's probably a market on whatnot for these Seashells.

Yeah.

Sarah.

Seashell.

Seashells.

Oh, Sarah.

Seashells.

Your location by the seashore watch.

That'll be her most successful whatnot.

She's going to make, like, well, so now she's going to just be on the beach every single night.

She's got the presentation down.

I've been in her store stream.

She's got the presentation down.

She's got the terminology down.

You could sell the hell out of some seashells.

Yeah, yeah.

She'll be like, she'll be like, I got a good.

I got a good lot for you guys.

And puts, like, two small shells up and it goes for, like a buck.

This is a deal.

It's only for a buck.

Come on now.

We can do better than that, Dane.

But what I can't do is go out and wander around excitedly finding shells and then realize I am 2 hours and 2 miles down the beach from my car.

I ran into.

I wish it might have made it go by quicker.

This must have been some really good weed.

Seaweed.

Hey, there was a lot of that, too.

I.

Listen, I ran into these two ladies and they were like, oh, we're from Daytona, too.

We're wandering up here, you know, just looking for shells also.

And I kept walking, like 20 minutes.

And then on my way back, I'm on the phone with Louis, and the ladies stop and they're like, are you calling a ride?

Like, you know, you're really far away from where you parked.

And I was super motivated at that two mile mark.

Now, on the way back, the purse with the iPad and the water bottle and everything, really heavy.

It didn't matter.

It was every 5ft.

I'm shuffling between this shoulder and this shoulder, and, um, bottom line.

It was.

Awful because the people that I walked past on the way there, I was like, yeah, shells, this is awesome.

And on the way back, I'm like, jesus Christ, I can't do this anymore.

And I'm on the phone with Louis.

I'm dying.

You're gonna have to, like, just pick me up here, honestly.

Because I was.

I was halfway between my house and his job, so it wouldn't take him as long at least.

But, um, yeah, I ended up back at the car, got home covered in sand, took a shower.

That was the moment I realized I was burnt.

I was so burnt.

But only in, you know, only like, right the back of the neck, the ears, my calves, and the tops of my feet.

You're so tanned.

I didn't know you could burn.

Stop, guys.

I know, right?

Yeah.

Lately you've been like, bronze got burnt.

Right.

Now I pay for that with this nice little bottle of mousse.

And it comes with zero pain.

This was painful.

And it felt like I ran a marathon.

I thought I wanted to go back to the gym.

And very quickly the motivation was gone.

Yeah.

So if anybody wants to buy shells.

Have a shell stream this weekend.

Yeah, Saturday.

Shell blowout dollars.

Milton shells.

Hurricane Milton rebuild stream shells.

That didn't go well for the first stream.

Chris, you were the only one who bought anything.

Hey, you made some, which.

I appreciate it.

I appreciate it.

But I was like, dang, you have some nice stuff.

The course of action.

Just trying to get the pity out of people.

Didn't work.

I needed to open my garage so they could really hear the window.

You had to let that wind blow.

We should have put a fan on.

Well, I thought the one that power.

Likes and the fan.

You would have been good.

Oh, my God.

I should have.

I was really counting on the power surge.

And then when the transformer blew in the background, I was like, yes.

Come on, people.

Nobody had to end the stream after that.

Actually.

You guys ready to play Jersey man?

Florida man?

Oh, yes.

No, I'm not ready.

New Jersey man versus Florida man.

Every week, game master Ryan brings us two news stories.

One is from New Jersey, one's from Florida.

It is up to us to determine which one is which.

Take it away, game master Ryan.

Hey, guys, this is Ryan coming to you from the no new friends newsroom.

I guess this is my last time in the no new friends newsroom.

Scott hasn't paid me in, like, two and a half years, and I can't afford to keep renting this place.

Well, maybe this whole Paris night out thing will work out, and Scott can afford to pay me in something besides expired outback gift cards.

Speaking of Scott, I heard he met.

Paging Mister Morrow.

I guess we'll just add that to the list of restraining orders.

Scott said he followed a local news reporter into the bathroom to get an autograph.

This is how he got his first restraining order.

This is almost like discovering a villain's origin story.

If the villains power is taking really awkward selfies with people that don't want their picture taken.

But I know Scott tried to FaceTime Chris, knowing Chris isn't gonna pick up.

Chris said he was too busy helicopter parenting.

Last time I facetimed Nick, he was helicoptering too.

Scott was saying he loves to use a single rider line at Disney, which is kind of like living out one of his fantasies because he sure as hell couldn't get ridden while he was single.

Oh, yeah, you guys talked about meeting celebrities.

The only celebrity I ever met was I met WWS Sergeant Slaughter here at the movie theater in town.

Little did I know at the time that was training from my Florida trips, where I would meet another overweight boss, bald man that spits too much when he talks.

Sarah said that she met a NASCAR driver at Petsmart.

That's where Scott meets his next partner for PuP play.

Chris said the name of the NASCAR driver was rusty cunts.

That's not a real NASCAR driver, but it is a nickname of a former host of this podcast.

Anyways, I need to burn a bunch of evidence I have in this newsroom before I move out.

So while I'm doing that, let's get into this week's Florida manor.

Jersey man.

So for our first story, a man's killed after he falls 30ft at a national park.

And for our second story, a man dies after hitting a pig with his car.

All right, so we've got running over a pig with the car and falling 30ft to the depth.

Sarah, Chris, what do you think?

I think the pig with a car is New Jersey because I think there's wild pigs in Pennsylvania.

1 may be scurried over the border.

All right, Sarah, I'm going to go the opposite.

I'm going to say the pig is in Florida because that's just ridiculous and we do ridiculous things.

Blood ski.

What do you think?

Um, let's see, is pig man dies after hitting pig with a car, you said?

Yes, I think that's the Florida man.

All right, what difference does it make if he died or died?

Because I was making sure because I.

Because I know a lot of places where people hit pigs.

Yeah, but they only die in Florida, right?

Wow.

It's a Florida.

It's more likely to be them dying from it.

I guess I have to go pig Florida.

I guess I feel like I have.

To change my answer.

Well, apparently that doesn't happen in Jersey.

I mean, people tend to veer out of the way it thinks.

Sophisticated gentlemen.

Well, I have to go national Park Florida because New Jersey doesn't have any official national parks.

It has national park sites, but not national parks.

Wait, wait, wait, wait a second.

What was the, what was the second story?

I have no idea.

Pig with car and dies.

Right.

The other man fell from 30ft and died at a national park.

At a national park.

Or at national park.

At a national park.

Because there's a national park New Jersey, that's why I was asking.

That's a weird name for a town.

It is very weird.

I thought.

I thought I was going to a national park.

It was just row houses.

All right, Remy, this is so disappointing.

Can I guess, you know, whatever Remy.

Says, I'm going with.

Because, clear, knowing Remy, he probably already looked up the answers because clearly I know for a fact that we do have wild boars here in Florida.

So those are like the wild pigs.

So I'm gonna go with Pig Florida.

And a guy jump off a cliff in a national park jersey he didn't jump from.

Do you have a microphone you can answer?

Yep.

National Park Florida, pig jersey.

All right, I am going with sophisticated gentlemen's approach and I'm going to go national Park Florida.

The other one, Jersey.

All right, let's find out the answer.

So our first story is from New Jersey, where a 68 year old New Jersey man died after falling 30ft from an overlook while visiting Arches National Park, Utah.

Man, this guy landed worse than Chris's japanese internment camp joke last week.

So that means our second story is from Florida, where a 21 year old man is dead after he hit a pig with his car.

Police say the man struck the pig with his car before veering off the road and striking some trees.

If only he had a little bit faster reactions, he really could have saved his bacon.

And in other news, Bon Jovi saves a woman from jumping off a bridge in Nashville, Tennessee.

So apparently, Bon Jovi helped save a distressed woman who was about to commit suicide by jumping off a bridge.

Apparently the woman said, it's my life, I'm living on a prayer and I'm gonna go out in a blaze of glory.

Bon Jovi responded by saying, never say goodbye, I'll be there for you and you're wanted dead or alive.

Jesus Christ.

Every time I hear Bon Jovi sing, it makes me want to hurl myself off a bridge.

Anyways, that's it for me this week, guys.

We'll talk to you next week.

Thank you much, game master Ryan.

Okay, so, Ryan.

Yes, I.

This.

This segment blows me away.

One that it lasted more than three weeks, because most segments on this show last about three weeks, especially at the.

Time that this one started, they were lasting about a week.

I know, I know.

And we've talked about kind of the origin story of this segment, but it just blows me away.

Please walk me through your process of how you come up with these things because they're so freaking funny.

It's pretty much anything I would have said in the chat.

I just make a joke about it.

That's why I don't talk much during lives anymore, because I got to save it for myself.

That's fair.

That's fair.

Ryan, I can't tell you how much I appreciate your contribution to this show because.

And it is a.

It is by far the most popular thing that we do.

I get text messages from listeners, emails from listeners all the time.

Whatever you need to do to keep game master, Ryan, do it, because I don't plan on going anywhere, and I appreciate it.

And this started as, you know, hey, why don't you come on one week, do this little quiz show, and then do this segment, throw a little dad joke in at the end of.

Yeah.

And you took that, didn't do anything that I said.

You went on your own path, and it's a staple.

It's one of the things I look forward to every single week.

You letting me do that has given me a lot of confidence to move on to doing into the Disney verse and stuff like that.

Me being able to be myself and make my jokes and nothing, you know, worry about being judged for it.

But, yeah, it's been a huge, confident boost for me.

Just be able to do it.

It's amazing.

It's one.

Like I said, it's one of my favorite aspects of our show every week.

My favorite part about it is if we're having, like, a bad part time in the show, like, if it's, like, at a low, because the show's always peaks in valleys.

We hit a valley as soon as we hit Jersey man versus Florida man.

We know the show because that's, like.

It's always, like, the gold standard.

It's never.

It never disappoints.

There's never been one disappointing Jersey man in Florida man, so it always brings the show back up to that high.

So this is the nicest thing you've.

Ever said about me, Chris.

Yeah, I know.

I know.

You're courted, Chris.

You are so right, because as we're doing that episode, I know when it's not.

When things are not going well.

Yeah.

I think you always kick it to Jersey man versus Florida man when times like that happen.

Yeah.

And I know, like, even though it's supposed to come at the end of the episode, it's.

I know that if.

If things are not going well, I'm just going to throw it in wherever and it's going to work.

Piggyback on what Chris said.

Whenever I'm editing an episode and Jersey Man, Florida man is usually in the back of the episode, I start to, like, fall asleep because it's late, and that picks me up so easily.

I'm able to laugh, wake a little bit up, and finish editing jaws.

Robert, go ahead.

And every time it's mentioned that it's not gonna be great, it's freaking phenomenal.

That's usually when it's gonna be great.

Well, I never know what's gonna land and what's not gonna land.

I don't think I've ever had anything that didn't really land.

But, Ryan, I'm gonna say one thing to you.

Your secret is probably my favorite segment of the show.

I appreciate that, Mike, easily.

And the timing on a lot of your jokes, how you land a joke that you didn't even know is going to be discussed in the episode is just amazing.

Yeah, that happened a lot.

That that has happened so many times.

It is not just.

This is what's hot in the.

In the news.

There's no way that he would have known that we were going to talk about this.

Yeah, absolutely.

Blows me away.

Appreciate it.

Ryan.

Ryan, the funniest.

The funniest thing I've probably ever been not only a part of, but have heard is that ren faire one that writing, your writing on that was unbelievable.

Yeah.

Like, I did not contribute to that at all, except be on it.

Like, he wrote the entire thing.

It was incredible.

That was my favorite one.

It's.

To this day, this is still my favorite one.

Yeah, I didn't think it was very funny.

Oh, okay.

Yeah, yeah.

I didn't think what you did to me was very funny either.

Chris, does anybody remember which episode that was in?

Oh, I don't remember.

Oh, it's real early on because he was the first one I had kind of guessed in on me.

And you guys had no idea he was gonna be there.

November, I think, because the ren faire stuff happened in October.

So I think it was November of 22.

I think I'll try to find that one and put it into the episode.

Yeah.

If it's easier for you to find, I did use it in the supercut of Dane on other shows that is currently on his secondary channel, so it.

Might be easier to find on that.

I'm too drunk to understand what sophisticated gentleman said.

What he said was it was on this panel and this channel.

So another bit that started by just me putting the phone call in.

The phone thing is the travels of tribulations, and it's got a funny history to travel to.

Tribulations has a funny history because there was a story, but there wasn't a story.

But then there was a story.

But one of our favorite reoccurring moments in this show is when a travels and tribulations was being played and a former co host stood up and walked out of the room.

I forgot about that.

Nobody forgot about that.

And why do you think I haven't listened to the show in so long?

I've held a grudge ever since I.

Immediately removed her from the show.

Like.

Like, you shouldn't know that against us.

I'm not.

I'm joking.

I'm entirely joking.

I know that.

I know that.

But.

And that's why you should be watching these shows on YouTube, so you can see the crap that goes on that maybe we talked about, maybe we don't.

But SG, I appreciate all of your contributions as well with travels and tribulations.

Whether they're every week or every month, once a month or whenever, they're always great.

They're always.

They're always super funny, and they're always very well timed.

I selfishly love them because it's like my sense of humor.

I could probably listen to a three hour cut every day of trials and tribulations and laugh the entire time.

Just vibe with it.

It is one of my favorite things to listen to because I never.

I always like when it feels like a treat, when it's like more than 90 seconds, when it goes like five minutes long, it's like, oh, man, we got five minutes in trials and tribulations, and I just start, like, salivating.

Well, you need to realize there's the same amount of humor in every trials and tribulation.

So the longer it is, the less humor per minute you're getting.

What's so funny?

Chris likes the really long ones.

I don't.

I'm like, oh, it's a little bit too long.

Yes.