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Mindset Shifts That Will Instantly Boost Your Confidence - The Demartini Show
Episode 444th September 2020 • The Demartini Show • Dr John Demartini
00:00:00 00:29:59

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Discover mindset shifts that will transform your limiting beliefs, dissolve your fears, and transform your self-depreciation into confidence.

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Transcripts

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[Inaudible].

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Good afternoon, morning or evening or whatever time it is, where you are.

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I'm Dr. John Demartini and I am going to do a presentation this

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morning, it's my morning in Houston,

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Texas on mindset shifts that will help you boost your

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confidence. Now,

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most people would love to have the certainty,

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the certitude,

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transcend the doubtfulness that we often face

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during the day to make decisions and to be able to move forward in our lives.

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I'd like to address that topic.

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So I'd like you to get a piece of paper out or something to write with,

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or take some notes on, an iPad or something,

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because what I'm going to share goes against the grain of what

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you may be thinking. And I'd like to elaborate on this,

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there's a lot of misinformation around this topic, and I'd like to clarify.

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Now,

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there's no way I can do justice to this topic without discussing human values,

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which I do in almost every presentation I present.

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So I want you to imagine a ladder with seven rungs on it.

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And the very top of the ladder is a highest value you have, highest priority,

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thing that's most important in your life. And as you go down the ladder,

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rungs the ladder to the lower ladder rung,

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you have the thing that's less valuable, less priority, less important.

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As you go up the ladder and go up to the highest values,

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the values become intrinsically driven.

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And as you go down, they become extrinsically driven.

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Intrinsically driven means that you are spontaneously inspired from within to

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act upon the things that are highest on your value.

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And you require extrinsic motivation from without to work on and work

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towards the lower values.

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I use the example of a young boy who loves video games.

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He is spontaneously inspired to do his video game,

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but he needs to be motivated to do his chores, his homework, his schoolwork,

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et cetera, clean his room.

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Everyone has a hierarchy of values, a set of values.

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And everyone has areas where they spontaneously are

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and areas where they require external motivation to get them to do things.

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I spontaneously love researching and teaching.

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Nobody has to remind me to do that, I do it every day,

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but I would need motivation, extrinsic motivation, reward if I do it,

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punishment if I don't,

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to cook or drive or do domestic type activities,

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that's just not me. I've delegated and surrounded myself with people to do that.

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So whatever's highest on your values is where you're going to excel.

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That's where you're disciplined, reliable,

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and focused and whatever's lower on your value, you're going to de-cel.

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You're going to have procrastination, hesitation and frustration. Now,

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as you go through life,

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if you live congruently and in alignment with what you value

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most you will spontaneously act. And as a result of it,

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you will feel spontaneous energy to go and act.

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Because when you're doing something high on your values, your energy goes up.

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When you're doing something low on your values, your energy goes down.

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And when you're doing something that you're inspired by,

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that's highest on your value, you tend to stay focused on it,

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you're disciplined, as a result of it you would tend to achieve,

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and you tend to want to go after more achievables.

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And so you pursue even challenges that inspire you, which causes innovation,

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creativity and wakes up your natural born genius and your own natural leader.

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Everyone has a leader inside them,

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when they live congruently by their highest values,

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it may not be the leader of what you think it should be, but it's a leader,

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according to what you have as your highest value.

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And many times we don't honor that.

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And we compare ourselves to others and don't honor and appreciate what is

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really valuable to us. We try to fit in instead of stand out. Now,

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how does that relate to mind shifts? How does it relate to dissolving fears?

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I'm getting there. So stay with it.

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Whenever you're doing something that's high on your values,

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because you're willing to embrace the challenges in the pursuit of it,

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and you won't give up - when the why is big enough,

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the how's take care of themselves - you automatically are willing to embrace the

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pains and the pleasures, the support and the challenge,

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the ease and the difficulties, the positives and the negatives,

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and you're more objective in the pursuit of what's highest on your value.

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But as you go down the lower values, you become more subjective.

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And what does that mean? When you're living by highest values,

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your blood glucose and oxygen goes into the forebrain, your medial,

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prefrontal cortex, your executive center,

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and you pursue what is called objectives, which by definition,

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objectivity means neutral and balanced minded.

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So you pursue things that are balanced, that are obtainable,

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and you're setting goals that are obtainable,

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and you embrace the challenges in the pursuit of it.

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And you preplan it with strategic planning and you mitigate the risk.

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And you're prepared with foresight to what comes and you have a highprobability

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of achievement.

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But when you're going in the lower values and trying to live by lower values,

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attempting to,

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what happens is your blood glucose and oxygen goes into the sub-cortical areas,

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it goes into the basal ganglia and the limbic brain and the

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area the we could call the amygdala.

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And what's interesting in that amygdala is a desire center,

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which wants to avoid pain, seek pleasure, avoid predators, seek prey,

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avoid challenge, seek support, avoid difficulty, seek ease.

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It's a hedonistic center. It wants immediate gratification and pleasure.

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It wants to avoid all challenges. Now, as a result of that,

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it is your impulsive, compulsive, immediate gratifying,

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consumer behavior area,

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and is the one that basically lets the external world run you by desires,

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impulses towards things or instincts away from things,

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events to try to avoid the predator.

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So when we're in the impulse and instinct area of the sub-cortical areas of the

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amygdala,

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the world on the outside runs us because anything we infatuate with occupies

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space and time in our mind and runs us.

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We've all been infatuated and could hardly sleep at night cause it's

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preoccupying your mind,

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or something that we resent preoccupies our mind and runs our mind and keeps us

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up all night. So anytime we're in the desire center, we get distracted,

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we become extrinsically, you

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might say needing motivation. And as a result of it, we're not our peak.

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We're not at our peak performance. Now let's take a peak at this.

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When we live congruently with our highest values, we excel.

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When we live by lower values, we decel, decelerate.

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What makes us do that? Well,

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let's say we walk in a mall and we meet somebody and we see somebody that

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is we perceive to be more intelligent than us,

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or we perceive them to be more high achieving and successful than us.

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We perceive that they have more wealth or more

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financial security than us.

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We perceive that they have a more stable relationship or attractive spouse,

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we perceive that they have more social savvy or connections or network or

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Facebook leads or something.

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We perceive that they're more physically fit or more attractive.

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We perceive that they're more spiritually aware or inspired by their life.

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Anytime we compare ourselves to another individual and we are too

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humble to admit what we see in them inside us,

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and we exaggerate them and minimize us and put them on a pedestal and put

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ourselves in a pit,

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we automatically inject some of their values that we imagine they

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live by and cloud the clarity of our own highest value,

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where we excel and dilute our potential.

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That's why we're not here to compare ourselves to others.

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We're here to compare our own daily actions to our own highest values.

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When we compare our own actions to our own highest values and live by priority,

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if we fill our day with high priority actions that inspires us,

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we raise our self worth and gain momentum.

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But if we live by lower values, we lose that, we dissipate that.

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Because anytime we're living by our lower values and we devalue ourselves,

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that is not a bad thing,

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it is a normal physiological response to let us

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know because we're unfulfilled,

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to let us know we're not living congruently with

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Our highest value is what our life's identity revolves around.

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And this is where we excel with knowledge.

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This is where we excel with clarity of purpose. In fact,

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our purpose is an expression of our highest value. Epistemologically,

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we learn most in our highest value area.

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And so anytime you compare yourself to somebody else and put them on a pedestal

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and inject some of their values into your life and try to live in those values,

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which are lower than your own, you devalue yourself and self depreciate.

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So limited beliefs are simply the injected values of

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others that you've chosen to subordinate to.

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And you're attempting to live outside your own highest values.

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And anytime you attempt to live outside your own highest values,

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the probability of you achieving goes down.

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The probability of you having self confidence and self deserve goes down,

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and that's not a mistake. That's not a weakness. It is a normal biological,

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psychological response to let you know,

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as a feedback that you're not living authentically,

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according to what you value most.

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People with the positive thinking movement wants you to think that you want to

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get rid of that, but I'm not here to tell you to get rid of it.

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I'm here to tell you that it's a gift.

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It's a guidance feedback to let you know that you're trying to be somebody

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you're not.

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Albert Einstein said that if you are a cat and you're trying to expect yourself

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to swim like a fish,

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and you're looking up to a fish because their ability to swim,

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you're going to beat yourself up.

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And if you're a fish expecting to climb a tree like a cat,

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you're going to beat yourself up.

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But if you honor yourself as a cat and have an expectation matched on your own

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highest value as a cat,

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you'll climb magnificently or you'll swim if you're a fish, magnificently.

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So the moment you're authentic and setting goals that are congruent and aligned

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with what's authentic to you, your self worth goes up, your confidence goes up,

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your achievements go up, your leadership goes up, your willingness to wake up

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your genius goes up and you maximize your potential as a human being.

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But the moment you compare yourself to others and try to live in other people's

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values and try to be somebody you're not,

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you are designed to self depreciate.

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You are designed to have quote "limited beliefs" because you're expecting to

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live in something that's not really important to you, you just think it is.

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Most people don't know what their values are.

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I've been doing value determinations for 42 plus years and I'm certain

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that the majority of people, if you ask them what their values are,

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they'll tell you social idealisms.

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They'll tell you the things that they think that society expects

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and conformity is not what's going to lead to enormity.

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You're not going to have an enormous life of achievement when you're conforming

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and fitting in, because you're trying to be somebody you're not,

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and it's called a lost soul to theologians. You've lost yourself,

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your individuality.

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We have a yearning to want to make a difference in the world.

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We're not going to make a difference fitting in.

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We're going to make a different standing out.

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And our own hierarchy of values are unique to us.

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No two people have the same hierarchy of values.

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So the most unique you can be is to live aligned and congruent with what you

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value most and giving yourself permission to shine in that area instead of

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shrink by conformity.

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Ernest Becker in his Pulitzer prize winning book, 'Denial of Death',

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talked about the collective hero vs the individual hero,

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the collective hero is the one that thinks they're going to get some extra

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points by fitting in and losing their identity and being part of the group,

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the herd instinct, and the fear of rejection and fear of banishment,

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the fear of loss of, you know, support by other group.

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And this is what clouds, the clarity of a human mission,

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fitting in is what clouds the clarity, standing out is what doesn't,

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it's an unborrowed vision as Ayn Rand describes.

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An unborrowed visionary is somebody who lives congruently by their own values,

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creates original ideas that serve and follows a pathway and blazes a

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new trail that's been unblazed before. And what's interesting,

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if you are living by other people's values and trying to live in their values

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you'll self-defeat.

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So we automatically live in a phobia when we try to live by a philia.

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A philia is a fantasy of an assumption that if I live and be like them

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life's going to be better. Emerson warned against this, the transcendentalist,

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'Envy is ignorance and imitation is suicide.' We're not here to be somebody

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we're not.

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Why to be second at somebody else when we can be first at being who we are?

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I'd much rather be first at who I am, than not.

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When I got asked by Vogue magazine, a number of years ago in an interview,

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they interviewed me for 17 questions. And the last question is, 'Dr. Demartini,

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if there's anybody in the world you could be,

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who would you want to be?' And I go,

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'Why on earth would you ask such a question?

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I have no desire to be anybody but me.

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Why would you want to be second at somebody else when you could be first at

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being you?' When you live congruently with your highest values,

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you honor yourself. You are able to make wisdom decisions.

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Your heuristics of decision making is at the highest level because you

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spontaneously are inspired from within to act.

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And so you are able to gather information.

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The pulvinar nuclei in the thalamus is a filter and gating mechanism

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for all the sensory information,

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and when you live according to your highest values,

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it maximize its potential to be able to gather information and have a selective

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information source and allows us to actually synchronize the events

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in our life and be able to take actions without hesitation.

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That's why when we live by lower values we procrastinate, hesitate, frustrate.

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We live by higher values, we're disciplined, reliable, and focused.

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Another thing that interferes with us is when we compare ourselves to others,

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not looking up to them, but looking down on them.

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Whenever we actually put somebody in a pit instead of infatuating and putting

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them on a pedestal, instead of putting them in our heart, we put them in a pit,

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we tend to project our values onto them and try to get them to live in our

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values. And if you're married, you know that that's futile.

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You're not going to get fruitfulness out of that.

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And if you try to get them to live in your values, they can't.

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Because every decision they make is based on what they value at the time and

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what they believe will give them the greatest

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advantage over disadvantage to their own hierarchy of values.

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So if you expect them to live in your values, you're going to have frustration.

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So anytime you try to live in somebody else's values and inject other people's

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values and get the superego as Freud would call it, trying to run your life,

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you'll hear yourself saying 'I should', 'I ought to', 'I supposed to',

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'I got to', 'I have to', 'I must', which is an imperative language,

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which is a sign of an injected values of some outside authority,

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which Freud called the superego,

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which then causes an internal moralization of ourselves,

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and we're judging ourselves thinking we're making mistakes.

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We never make mistakes in our own highest values.

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We only make mistakes when we compare our actions to somebody else's.

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And we only think other people make mistakes when we compare their actions to

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our values. Putting people in pits and putting people on pedestals,

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instead of putting people in hearts, in a sense causes a devaluation of you,

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a devaluation of them, instead of reflective consciousness,

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which allows you to maximize your and their values to help you respect another

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individual, to be able to communicate equitably with equanimity.

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And that is the most powerful,

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sustainable transactional fair exchange state you can be in.

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So we're not here to put people on pedestals.

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We're not here to put people in pits. We're here to put them in our hearts.

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And when we respect them, which is what we call that,

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we communicate most effectively what inspires us in terms

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them. When we do,

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we don't try to change us relative to them or them relative to us.

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And people don't want to be changed. They want to be loved for who they are.

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So do you.

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So if you're basically comparing your actions to your own highest values and

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filling your day with the highest priority actions that inspire you,

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instead of comparing yourself to other people,

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you automatically maximize your potential. And when you do,

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you don't have the limited beliefs that are injected,

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which are you trying to live in somebody else's values.

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And anytime you try to live in other people's values, that's a fantasy.

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And every fantasy creates a phobia. A nightmare.

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A phobia is an assumption that you're about to experience in the future more

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drawbacks than benefits, more negatives than positives,

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because you're expecting a fantasy of trying to live outside your authentic

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self, in somebody else's values. It won't work.

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We've all done that when we've been infatuated,

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think back at a time when you were really,

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really infatuated with somebody that you were enamored with.

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I had it one time when I was about 20, this Spanish model that I got to date,

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whew, man,

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I normally was studying physics and chemistry and premed and all the basic

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studies.

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And all of a sudden I meet this girl and I was so enamored with her I started

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doing pompom dancing and dancing with her, stuff I normally didn't do,

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things way low on my value list. The first week it was kind of fun.

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But after a while I realized I was letting my studies down.

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I was not being myself. I was feeling like I was sacrificing.

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And eventually I wanted my life back. I want to be honored for who I was,

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my own studies and what was important to me. But during infatuations,

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when we put people on pedestals,

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we'll sacrifice our own highest values to try to fit in to them because we fear

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the loss of the individual we put on pedestals.

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We fear the gain of the people we put in pits,

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but we fear the loss of the people we put on pedestals.

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And the fear of loss of that which we seek,

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and the fear of gain of that which we try to avoid is the phobias we live

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in when we judge.

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So if we want to transcend judgments and phobias,

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it's absolutely essential that we stick to what's priority in our life and go

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after objectives, where we embrace both resiliently, objectively, neutrally,

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where we're not highly infatuated or highly resentful,

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not trying to change ourselves relative to others or changing others relative to

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ourselves, and are centered. In the Buddhist teachings it said,

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that which you seek is the source of your suffering and that what you try to

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avoid,

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if you're seeking that which is unavailable and

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which is unavoidable, you're suffering. And a lot of our self depreciating,

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phobic limited belief constructs are simply because

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we're judging. And if we actually get focused on what's really, really,

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really priority in our life and stick to what's really priority,

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we transcend it. So here's a, in a nutshell,

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I know I've said a lot and you hopefully are taking notes and trying to get what

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you can out of it,

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but just know that if you fill your day with the highest priority actions

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that you can conceive of each day and stick to those and do

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them and break them down into small daily actions for the day,

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not goal overrun projects that take days or weeks, cause then you never,

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every day you finish you still always something left.

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I learned many years ago by Mary Kay,

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to make sure you set goals that are broken down into small enough bites,

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that you get them achieved so you have an achievement feeling.

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And every single day, piggy banks become biggy banks,

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and little actions make big dreams, and you build momentum,

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like a domino effect at larger projects.

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So chunk big projects down into small bites,

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live by priority each day, your own priorities according to your own values.

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If you haven't determined your values, please go onto my website,

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there's a Value Determination process, it's free, it's complimentary,

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and it automatically is going to help you get clear on that. If you do it today,

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and you do it a week from now and a month from now and do it again and get

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really clear and be honest with the answers,

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It'll help you set real goals that you get real achievement on.

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By doing that and focusing on the highest priorities, you build momentum.

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The most any human being could do on a daily basis is to live by priority.

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That's the key. I learned that many years ago.

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And if you delegate lower priority things,

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and stick to the highest priority thing,

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you will automatically connect with the highest potential you have inside.

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It's so important to live by highest priorities. Your self worth goes up,

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your achievements go up and you expand your space and time horizons.

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You give yourself permission to do something greater.

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Things you didn't even know you're capable of doing you start to emerge when you

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live congruently by highest values. So on a daily basis,

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live by highest priorities, on a daily basis and watch what happens.

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If you ask yourself,

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'What is the highest priority action I can do today that can help me fulfill my

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mission on planet earth and make the biggest difference to the greatest number

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of people with the resources I have today, in the most efficient,

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effective manner?'

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If you do that on a daily basis and stick to that one thing that shows up as

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highest priority,

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and then master the art of doing that in a way that serves people so you can be

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remunerated for it and paid for it, so you can delegate lower priority things,

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you're on your way to having an inspired life.

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So you don't have to have limited beliefs.

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You don't have to have self depreciation. You don't have to have the phobias.

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You can have an inspired life. I've lived it.

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I'm absolutely certain it's doable. I've trained people on it.

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And so can you do it. So just in case, this is fresh in your mind,

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you might want to listen to this again.

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If it's something you've heard many times, cause I say it over and over again,

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great,

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about the time you know what I'm about to say is the time it's getting in and

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sticking, but just know that that is one of the keys of a fulfilling life.

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Living by design, not default, by something inspires you,

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not desperations and living authentic to you,

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not trying to be somebody you're not. We're not here to be copycats.

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We're not here to live in the shadows of anyone,

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we're here to stand on the shoulders of giants. Now,

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one thing I'd like to end with is that

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in order for you to be able to create kind of what I call an immortal legacy,

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imagine you're on a Wikipedia page and they've written something about you a

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thousand years from now or a hundred years from now, or even 10 years from now,

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a year from now, how would you like it to read? What do you want it to say?

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If you don't decide it and decide how you want your life,

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and master plan your life, other people are going to design it.

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If you don't empower your life, other people will overpower it.

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You're not a victim of them. You're simply not empowered. So you have to decide,

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nobody's going to get up in the morning and dedicate their life to your

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fulfillment. That's going to be based on you.

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Take the time to define your priorities, what your objectives are,

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make sure they're balanced,

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make sure they're true and congruent and watch what happens.

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You'll expand your space and time horizons and you'll create your legacy.

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And that's the difference you want to make in life.

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And there's no reason why you can't do it. Now as a gift,

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I'd like to share something with you.

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I have a little program called Awakening Your Astronomical Vision,

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this a program I did at a planetarium in Johannesburg

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to a CEO group, a YPO group,

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where a bunch of CEOs of companies were there.

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And I did a presentation in the planetarium and talk

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having an astronomical vision. If you want to make a difference globally,

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particularly now with the internet world that we're in,

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there's no reason why you can't make a global difference.

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If you want to make a difference globally, it will take an astronomical vision.

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People who live inside themselves shrink, but if they have a vision,

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at least as big as their family, they can get beyond their own fears,

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if they take a vision and make it as big as the community they get beyond their

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own family. If they can get beyond that and see a vision of the city,

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they can actually be leader in the community. If they make a vision,

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as big as the state, they can become a leader in the city.

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If they make a vision as big as a nation, they can be a leader in this state.

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If they can make a vision as big as the world,

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they can be a leader in the nation. And if they have an astronomical vision,

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they can be a leader in the world.

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And there's no reason why you can't do something amazing and do something that's

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really inspiring to you and become the greatest at what you do in your highest

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values. That's the key, that's what we're capable of doing.

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And there's no reason not to. And this particular CD that I have here,

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I want you to listen to it more than once. It's very powerful.

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It's an inspiring CD, and it will

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help you get an astronomical vision. It's actually going to be a,

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it was a CD it's actually going to be online.

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All you have to do is go to demartini.ink/shift

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to claim it. Just take care of this and go and do this now,

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because if you listen to this multiple times,

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I promise you it's going to be worth the time spent.

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I know that the individuals that listened to it that day were blown away.

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And I know that if you listen to it, you will have the same effect.

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It will give you more permission to do something more extraordinary with your

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life. And that's what I want. I travel the world full time,

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even though with Corona, I've been a little bit less on the travels,

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but I've been doing it for 47, almost 48 years.

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And I'm absolutely certain that if you fill your day with high priority actions

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and do what is on the CD,

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it's going to help you do more extraordinary outcomes with your life.

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You deserve to live an inspired life.

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So I just wanted to share that because now we have a deeper understanding of the

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mindset shifts for transforming limited beliefs or doubt into an

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inspirational life. So thank you for joining me. Please take advantage of this,

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Awakening Your Astronomical Vision, get it now.

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And I look forward to seeing you at the next special presentation that I get to

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do. Thank you so much for your attention. And please,

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if you have a value of this, please check out my podcast,

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Dr. Demartini Show,

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the podcasts are filled with inspirational messages like we've had just now

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and also please take advantage of the educational experience on my website.

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And I look forward to seeing you live, a presentation, or another one,

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zoom presentations. So thank you for helping and please share the message.

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Let people know about this information.

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This information could make a difference in your life.

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Thank you so much for joining me.

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Thank you for joining me for this presentation today.

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If you found value out of the presentation,

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please go below and please share your comments.

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We certainly appreciate that feedback and be sure to subscribe and hit the

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notification icon.

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That way I can bring more content and share more to help you maximize your life.

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I look forward to our next presentation. Thank you so much for joining me.

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