Description: The world's burning faster than a tech CEO's reputation on Twitter while we numbly scroll through it like disaster voyeurs with Stockholm syndrome. From geopolitics run by toddlers on cocaine to dating apps that would make Orwell reach for whiskey, this rant serves up the grim menu of 2025's hellscape with a side of blistering truth.

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Why do we swallow this absurdity? Because outrage fatigue is America's new Olympic sport. We're too busy financing $7 lattes on installment plans and answering Slack messages at 11pm to notice we're both spectators AND victims in humanity's demolition derby. We've perfected the art of watching civilization implode while our thumbs keep scrolling—our brains too fried to distinguish between apocalypse and entertainment. Now with haptic feedback!