Have you ever wondered what it's like to grow up knowing you're adopted, but also maintaining a connection with your birth family?

In today's episode of Family Twist, we dive into the emotionally complex world of open adoption through the firsthand experiences of Sara, who shares her ongoing journey of discovery and connection. This episode is not only a narrative about adoption but also a profound exploration of identity, family bonds, and the unexpected paths life takes us on.

Listeners will gain valuable insights into:

• The intricate dynamics of open adoptions and how they evolve over time, providing a deeper understanding for anyone navigating similar experiences.
• The emotional impact of discovering one’s roots and the profound connections that can be made through open and honest communication.
• Practical advice and coping strategies for dealing with the complexities of family relationships, especially in non-traditional settings like open adoptions.

Tune in now to hear Sara’s story and discover how opening up about the past can illuminate the future. This episode promises not only to enlighten but also to touch your heart with its raw honesty and hopeful outlook.

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Welcome to Family Twist, a podcast about relatively unusual stories of long lost families, adoption, and lots of drama. I'm Corey. And I'm Kendall, and we've been partners for over 16 years. We're very excited about today's episode because we have someone with another very interesting, astonishing sort of adoption story.

A little bit similar to Kendall's, but a little bit different. Kendall's was a closed adoption and the story is about an open adoption. And so coming to us via Zoom from one of our favorite places in the world, the Bay Area, Sarah, please introduce yourself.

Hi, I'm just, I'm so excited to be here and thank you for this opportunity. Hey from Oakland. Thank you for hearing your story. It's we talked a little while ago just to kind of get some background and it's just like, well, your story is still unfolding in real time. So I think it's very cool. And hopefully as things progress, you'd be willing to come back on and share more details. But for today, let's just kind of dig in a little bit into the background. So.

An open adoption. Your mom, at what age did she tell you that she wasn't your birth mother? Oh, you know, I think I would have to pinpoint that around maybe being three or four. So very young. It was probably even before that. But that's the first time that I could remember, you know, hearing the sort of language where it's just like, I'm your I'm your mommy, but I didn't hear you in my body. Another.

woman did and you're adopted. And I don't even know if adoption was explained to me, but it was more like, you know, I really wanted a baby and I was, you know, I was so lucky to get you. And it was like that was that was kind of the feeling about it. And that's yes, that was far back as three or four years old. And even before that, your mom was sharing updates about you with your birth mother, correct?

That's right. That's right. And in retrospect, it's such a... Because I was born in the early 80s, which, you know, I mean, doesn't feel like that long ago, but here we are. But it just seems like a really just progressive, kind of beautiful thing to have happened. So I guess my birth mother and my adopted mother must have decided at some point along the way that every year around my birthday,

they would exchange letters. And so my mom would send my birth mother pictures of me and just like a short kind of update of like, this is who Sarah's becoming, this is what she likes, this is what she doesn't like, this is her with her dog, you know, those kinds of things. And there was actually a letter that my birth mother sent to my mother, which was given to me on my 18th birthday, which was this just, it's just really, really touching, like.

You know, this is not not going into details, but this is part of why I made this decision. And I'm I'm ready when you are. And, you know, you were loved and, you know, we're we're here for you, basically. So a lot of support, a lot of just openness, transparency and just the word progressiveness kind of really comes to mind. So what was that like for you turning 18 and getting this letter from?

the woman who gave birth to you and essentially inviting you to be part of her life. Oh, man, it was I was not ready. I was not ready. So and I'm sure we'll get more into this. But like I I I didn't start reaching out to either side of my family until just a couple of years ago. And, you know, it was overwhelming. I think it was also like.

The way that the letter was presented to me was just felt kind of overwhelming, I think. My mom was like, here, this is for you. You can read it at any time. And I just kind of scuttled away with it and read it. But I think maybe it's temperament. Maybe it's just who I am. Maybe it's sort of like my relationship with my mother, which is complicated, as many family and mother -daughter relationships are anyway.

but I was just like, I wasn't ready and it was too much. I was touched. It sort of, it validated everything else I had kind of been told in my life, you know, that I was loved, that this was a decision of kind of necessity and sort of what's in the best interest of the child. You know, everyone was trying to do their best, but it was not something that I was ready to confront or address or even really talk about or anything like that. So it really, it took me,

decades to kind of come around and be like, I know I'm going to pursue this. I know that this is a gift to kind of have this opportunity to be able to meet my biological mother, my biological family. I know I'm going to get there, but I'm not going to rush myself, basically. Yeah, I mean, that's totally up to you. So let me go back a little bit. Did you know as a child that there was this exchange of letters happening around your birthday every year? Oh, good question.

Yes, I think I did. I think I did. And I say I think I did because I don't have any memory of I wasn't involved in like the picture selection or the letter writing. You know, it was sort of like, I think I but I am having some kind of memories of my mom saying, oh, it's got your birthday. I'm going to write to Marie. That's my birth mother's name. I think she might have invited me to really do you want to say anything? And me again, like temperament of kind of a shy.

person naturally and I was just like, no, you know, no, honey. But I don't I it wasn't it wasn't something that I was really actively involved with. Over time, different times, would you ask your mom questions about the adoption, about Marie, what was in the letters, that sort of thing? Like, were you inquisitive about. That side of the family? Yeah, and I think especially when I was younger, when I passed like the three, four age, it's just the acceptance of like.

Oh, this is who I am. And I'm, you know, I'm different. And this is the way that I'm different, which obviously comes with some sort of post special kind of challenges that didn't quite sink in until later. I think I must have been asking questions and just sort of like because I had pictures of her and we look very similar. And I knew I knew from her letters, you know, she made basic stuff. She really liked animals. She became a lawyer. She, you know,

she thinks things like that. But I don't remember asking like more detailed information than that. And as I'm kind of talking about it, and as you asked me that, I think something that I can attribute to it is, you know, just this feeling of like, I this is just part of my life, this is sort of who I am. And I didn't really feel like I was.

the want of anything or lack of anything or, you know, I don't know. It was just sort of like just part of my story. I think, again, as I sort of started to get older and realized, you know, I'm quite different from my mother, but that happens in, you know, biological families anyway. I think starting to get to know myself a little bit more, that's when I that's when I really started to get curious.

but I was older, I was like kind of past 18 and it was very just in the back of my mind, like, again, I know I have this opportunity, maybe I'll just wait to meet her and just sort of ask her myself, those kinds of things. But I was given a fair amount of information about both of my parents, the nature of their relationship, just sort of my mother's impressions of them as they met while my birth mother was pregnant, you know, and the adoption was kind of going forward because it was,

arranged before I was born. So it was almost like that was enough for me until I was kind of ready to take on a little bit more. Interesting. I didn't know that they had met and that it was kind of a, okay, wow. Yeah. It's a really, I feel like I need to get a little bit more information about this part of it. But it seems like in comparison to today, for example, where people are on

lists and there's just these hoops to jump through and like, you know, psychological exams and things like that. My mom didn't go through any of that. She just kind of hooked up with an agency and it was a little bit of a matching process in terms of, you know, the parents decide they meet, they meet a couple of prospective, um, adoptive parents and people. And it's almost like an interview process, but it was very vibes based is what it felt like. And, um,

That was that. I mean, my mom would did remark how how kind of seamlessly and kind of quickly she wasn't even with that agency for very long. And then it just sort of happened. Yeah. So really very different from today is what it seems like. Very, very also kind of a different kind of a story in terms of just how smoothly it seemed to go. So a couple of years ago, when you decided to.

pursue things a little bit further. Was there like an experience, an incident, a revelation? What was it that made you decide this is time? Oh, a thousand percent. Yes. So it's it looking back, it was like these were there were definite stepping stones that I don't think I realized at the time were the path forward. So like the transparency around me being adopted, the kind of conversations I had as I was younger, the fact that I was, you know, able to.

that as part of my identity as I went out into the world and interacted with others and lived my life. But then it was really the kind of invention of 23andMe that was the final kind of stepstone that happened. So my mom saw that and she was just like, she got it for me as a present. She was like, oh, let's do it. Let's see. Because again, we knew kind of verbally what

like my genetic background was. But it's always, you know, it was always something of a mystery because we just didn't really know for sure and couldn't trace it back. And so it was cool. Like we were both really excited to do it. And then this was like right when it came out. So the registry was much smaller. And it was like once I got my results back, everything was basically, you know, confirmed, at least like genetics wise, like, you know.

half Mexican, part Spanish, part English, like all of those things were sort of verified. But there was a matching feature where it was just like, you have a genetic relative and here's a match. And it was like fifth cousins and third, what, twice removed. And I just wasn't as interested in that. So I let that account sit. And I'm trying to think.

if I had the account for almost 10 years, I'm not sure when 23andMe came out, but quite some time, quite some time, just kind of let it lapse. I was like, yeah, just sort of told me info I already knew, kind of cool to see some percentages and like parts of the world that my DNA is from, but like, whatever. And what really kind of brought it home was when I went to graduate school and I went to graduate school to become a social worker, one of my classes was family therapy.

And one of the exercises that we had was doing a genogram. And I guess for anybody that doesn't know, a genogram is basically a family history of, you know, tracing back all of your relatives through through marriage and through just like family of origin, like siblings, cousins. And it's this mapped out visual kind of thing. And I had done family trees before. I mean, that's very much a part of just like being a kid.

It was always super traumatic for me and caused me a lot of anxiety because even though my adoption story was very transparent, there was a lot of love, it othered me. Other children don't necessarily understand that. It's not the norm. It is a marginalized way to grow up. I had some feels around it. When I had to do those assignments, I always did.

uh, my adopted family. So I would do my mom's side. I wouldn't have a dad's side because I, uh, she adopted me as a single woman and I grew up with a single child, single parent dynamic. Um, and so, yeah, I do those grandparents, you know, my, my mom's, my mom's sister and my cousins and that was that. But this time when I was presented with the opportunity to do another sort of family history, genogram, I decided to do.

everybody. So I did my biological dad side to the best of my ability, my biological mom side to the best of my ability, and my adoptive family. So I had these three like parts of myself visual. I'm actually looking at it right now because it's like it was really this moment where I was just like, Whoa, there's so much that's out there. So just kind of like, I don't know, explore about this.

But then, and this was sort of like the, I don't even know what to call it, like the miracle piece, like the universe talking back. I'm not entirely sure. Within the same month, and I believe it was like the month of April, on 23andMe, I was contacted by a first cousin on my biological mother's side of the family. And I found I was matched.

with a first cousin on my biological dad's side of the family. Within a week or two of each other, we started, I started talking to both of them. I was like, you'll never believe it. I was just starting to work on this project for school. Can I ask you things? Like, is it okay? Do you wanna meet? Like, what do -

And it was just so it was just so meant to be. I can't think of another way to describe it. It felt right. The timing was right for me. You know, I was curious. I felt like I had a really good, solid sense of self where I could just be like, OK, you know, let's explore. And it was amazing. It was quite, quite literally an amazing, amazing kind of moment. Like to say DNA magic, I think that's one of the things that we use.

I love that. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm curious, did your biological cousins know that you existed? On my mother's side, I think she I think she did, but it was sort of in the it was vague. It was in the back of both sides. Both sides. Both families are quite large, too. So I think she kind of knew, but she wasn't she didn't really know my mother. I think she was a cousin, maybe not on even that.

So I had a cousin by marriage. But she, as soon as I started saying, you know, like the names and kind of the players involved, she was like, oh, yeah, I know exactly like where you kind of fit in. I don't think that she knew that my mother, you know, gave me up for adoption. I don't think that she knew that story. And there was some sort of like navigating on my end where it's just like the fact that I'm making contact with a cousin first and not my birth mother first.

Um, you know, I definitely like felt some type of way that I felt like, Ooh, my careful, like don't step on any toes, you know, like, you know, go, go to kind of pace, like kind of feel it out. Um, my cousin on my father's side, kind of similarly hit her father is my father's brother. Yes, that makes us cousins. That's right. That tracks, but her father had moved away from Texas where.

all of our family had been when he was quite young. And I don't exactly know the details around that, but I do think that part of it was just like, he didn't want to be close to family anymore. So I don't know that she was necessarily, that she knew about me specifically, but she knew about my dad and she knew about my dad's kind of a rolling stone tendencies as it were. And just like,

He had his own sort of legend in the family of being as like and a very powerful, prominent sort of Lothario type figure. So I don't think that she was surprised by any means, but like she could, you know, she could kind of trace it back to him and be like, yeah, OK, I never met your father, but I know of your father and like our, you know, our fathers or brothers. Or that. Oh, go ahead.

No, not at all. Not at all. I'm just realizing that she put me in touch with my half sister on my father's side, which really kind of like broke open everything because my sister could like, you know, tell me more. My sister did know about me. I learned that I have seven siblings at least that we know of. My older I have an older sister. She, I think, knew about me.

You know, and then I learned that my aunts, I had two aunts and my grandma knew about me. They had pictures of me. My grandma, when I was able to zoom with her, actually during the pandemic, unfortunately, I was going to go out there, but the vid just got us all. So when I zoomed with her, she was like, I prayed, I prayed for you to come back to us. I prayed to meet you. And I was just bored.

Because my dad, open adoption, right? My dad never kept in touch. My birth mom did, but my birth dad never kept in touch. And yet he had pictures, he had pictures, he had kept pictures of me. He had a scrapbook of me. He told family about me. It was just like this whole sort of, it's a whole thing. And I haven't met him either. So I don't know quite what that's about. I haven't met either of my birth parents yet.

But there's definitely I mean, there's definitely some stuff there. Yeah, there's there's some stuff to unpack. Did you did you know much about his reputation as a Lothario before you? OK, all right. I did. So my mom. Oh, my gosh. My mom is a kid. My mom is a total character. She's a really, really she's a really interesting person. And.

I bet I'll just I'll throw it out there. I bet that she would love to like, you know, be interviewed or be a part of this process. I think that she can really bring some things, bring some more colors to my story. But yeah, she so she she I think that again, this this interview process really intrigues me because from it, she was able either he was really forthcoming or they were really forthcoming or they really got along.

It was a completely different adoption process because my dad was just like, yeah, you know, like, I, I, this isn't my only child. This isn't my only like partner. Um, I, uh, what did he say? He mentioned something about like, not selling weed per se, but like drug dealing, like being in set, being involved in certain things to the point where like, you know, my mom.

I was like an older, my mom would kind of tell me this stuff. And I was just like, oh, okay. Yeah, interesting. But as an adult, I'm just like, oh, like, who would reveal that kind of information during, you know, hit, I don't know, during an adoption process, during a place where, you know, a baby's being placed or even for your as yourself, like this is the self that you're presenting. So I think he just owned it. And he just like, was a was an interesting person.

And there's there's much more there's much more that I learned from my sister to play. Well, clearly, your mom off. Oh, that what? Sorry. I didn't scare your mom off from the adoption. She's a character. She's character. She's a character. It's yeah, it's something that they reveal like when when your mom went through the interview process, were they still together as a couple or no? They were.

They were so and and it was actually my so I've met my maternal grandma. I actually physically she's the only member of my family besides my cousin and my sister that I've actually been able to physically meet, which has been just incredible. She's that's a whole other story. It's a whole other story. But she she told me a little bit more about their relationship because I was curious about that. I knew that they.

you know, they weren't married, that I was a surprise. My mother was in undergrad at Cal, you know, just being a student and I think becoming involved in politics. I learned from an aunt that my aunt thinks that they met at a Jerry Brown fundraiser or campaigning event, which again, just like blows my mind. I'm like, I don't understand anyway. So.

So that's what my mom was up to. She was like 20, 21 at the time. My father was significantly older. He was in his early thirties, thirties, something like that and doing whatever he was doing at the time and place, right? At the Jerry Brown campaign, um, with his whole situation. And, um, so yeah, so when my, when my mother found out that she was pregnant at first, the, the, the idea was that they were going to get married. And I.

I'm kind of feeling in the blanks here, but I am assuming that that's why she maybe went ahead with the pregnancy. There's also, I know that she was raised Catholic. I don't know if that came into play. I haven't been able to kind of suss out that part of it. But well into the pregnancy, I would imagine at least six months, something like that. My dad told my mom that he was already married and had a child in San Diego and could not go through with this.

relationship, but that he would stay with her until I was born. Like there was, there was love. My grandmother confirmed because she had met him and seen them together that there was love there. There was something real that was there that was kind of binding them together. It was maybe just like a not meant to be situation. Um, obviously, uh, but at that point, my mother being so young, finishing school,

probably feeling incredibly betrayed and brokenhearted by the entire thing. It was like, okay, what's the best decision for me and what's the best decision for this baby? And he stayed with her and they stayed together for a little while afterwards, but that was really me being born and I think going through that experience for them and him being married, right, was the final end of their affair. And I think that he moved.

either back to San Diego or to Texas after that. He just he wasn't in the in California anymore. Well, I mean, at least Papa's Rolling Stone didn't take him before you were born, right? Yes. Yes. So let me dig a little bit into your father's side. So the half sister that you met, is that the older sister or is it one of the younger sisters or?

Yeah, so she is my younger sister. She's she's the third of the seven, as it were. Like, I'm sure there is more. Right. But I'll just say the seven that I'm aware of. And my older sister and I just recently connected through 23 and me. But she but but my sister that I have met and I have a relationship with now is my younger sister by a couple of years. OK, OK. And what what was her relationship like with your father?

Oh, from what I understand, very, very, very troubled, toxic, abusive, neglectful. She and my brother, they're the only siblings that are full blood siblings of his and they were same same woman, same mother. And they are the only two that he really. I think raised her.

a prolonged period of time, but when I say raised, it was like he because he was involved with, I don't know if it was drug trafficking or what his role was exactly, but he was, I can confirm that he was involved with a Mexican drug cartel. And so my sister grew up in a town in Texas that was kind of close to the border. My father's family comes from the Nuevo León.

region in Monterey, Mexico. I don't even know if it was like a cartel that was sort of based out of there or if she was involved with something else. But, you know, I think it was just not, it was not a safe environment. It was not a healthy environment. And when she was quite young, I don't even know if she was 18 at the time. She told me that she had, she had a new baby in tow and she got herself to a Greyhound station.

pretty much just like close your eyes, pick to place, bought a one -way ticket and ended up in Oregon and just sort of started a new life there. And that's where she's been ever since. She is an amazing person, probably the strongest person I think that I know. And I know that kind of talking about this sort of stuff is difficult for her. So I just have kind of like, you know, the bits and pieces, but it definitely verified some of the other kind of like question mark information that.

was given where it was like, huh, pop sounds kind of, kind of, kind of something. Like, I don't, I don't really know what's going on here. But, um, but she also, it was interesting. She, she filled in some more, some more, some other details where it was just like, he's, um, incredibly intelligent, taught himself four languages, you know, survived a tour in Vietnam later in the war when it was just like a complete disaster.

but survived, came back, was different for sure. And was into plant medicine, which I think is what the weed talk with my mom might have been in the adoption process. My sister described him as this visionary person where it was just like, weed will be legalized at some point. It does have medicinal properties. I'm growing it. I use it in this way.

but also he, you know, incredibly problematic person, incredibly flawed, dangerous, problematic person. And, and so the way that she sort of, she gave me that information and then she was like, I would never tell you not to meet him because he is your father, he is our father. But I will say, be careful. I will say, just understand that, you know, you're, you're kind of dealing with somebody that, um,

you know, has has really deep issues. And I was like, OK, all right. Fair enough. Your knowledge, do any of your siblings on your dad's side have a relationship with him? Yes. So I found my youngest brother, my youngest brother lives with him right now at this point. I actually heard my sister told me that he recently went into the hospital, and I'm not sure why she doesn't really have details.

I haven't really asked my aunts about it because they too have a complicated relationship with him. So I don't know. It's again with this just like not stepping on toes, kind of trying to figure out my place, navigate my role in all of this. But yeah, my younger brother was living with him and I think kind of like acting as like caretaker slash, you know, just like person, person with him. Yeah.

Yeah, but I think that's the only that's the only child that that was really having anything to do with him. And I also think that's because he's he's young. I don't I don't know if he's 18 yet. OK. Do you know is your father aware that you've been in touch with some family? Uh huh. Yep. And I found this out. So so my aunts, my aunts are, I think, a little more protective. My sister, obviously.

is protective and just like not in touch. But grandma, of course, this is her son. This is her baby. As soon as she found out that I was I was around in the picture and trying to make contact, I think she called him pretty much right away and was just like, she's here, you know, and gave him my phone number. And on my birthday a couple of years ago, I get this text from a random number I didn't see with pictures of myself, which is how I know he has pictures of me.

And because I didn't recognize the number, I immediately thought to my adoptive aunt for some reason who, you know, was just like, Hey, like, Hey, sweet. I forget. He didn't say sweetie, but it was just like, happy birthday. So, so grateful for you. Or it was something effusive. It was something personal. Um, and I was like, auntie, like what? You never text me. I don't understand. And then I was like, who is this? And it was like, it's, this is your father. And I was just like,

Oh, shit, you know, and I immediately was just like, I'm not ready. You know, like all of that stuff of just like, you know, reading a letter from my mom and kind of gathering this more information about my dad, like all the exact same feeling of just like being shy and kind of panning up and like, no, not yet. No, not yet. And so I texted him back and I was just like, well, you know, like, like, thank you for this. Yes, I, you know, I'm talking to grandma and I'm talking with him.

with aunties and maybe one day soon we can think about connecting. I'm just not ready yet. He's honored it, which I think I was a little surprised about given what I learned. I didn't really know what to expect, but I haven't heard back from him since. Well, let's switch gears to your birth mother's side. Now, did she have any other children? No, I was the only one. Okay. You've

And you've met her mother's you met your grandma on your mother's side. Yeah. What was that? Oh, my gosh. The phrase the phrase that comes to mind really is like like coming home. I mean, it was she actually reminded me of my godmother, which was really funny and kind of interesting. Just this very like sharp as attack, you know, kind of salty, kind of like sarcastic, just.

like fiery, kind of spicy person. Um, doesn't take any shit. Tell you what, uh, far like sixth generation farmer, you know, from Yuba County, like farm family, very, um, kind of, you know, uh, like blue collar, hardworking ethics, but also just like a ton of curiosity, just like so intellectually curious and just reading constantly.

very civically involved and like her and my grandpa were fixtures in their community, really well -known fixtures. And I'm trying to, oh, it was my cousin. It was my cousin on my mom's side who set us up together or gave me her information. So I reached out to her and she also was like, you know, I've been hoping, I've been waiting, I've been wondering, but I always, you know, wanted it to be your mom's kind of thing, her decision.

You know, but I'm so I'm just so glad. I'm just so glad that you that you reached out. When can we meet basically? So it was very quick from there. I went up there. We spent the whole afternoon together. It was just it was like we fell into a groove. It was it was, you know, tell me where your interests and tell me about your life. But it was also just like it was as if we had known each other for, you know, not maybe not forever, but like.

Um, it was, it was, there was a really E there was ease. There was a simpatico. There was a sort of just like, you know, um, the priority. Wow. So when you were with your grandmother, did you talk about the possibility of meeting your birth mother? Yeah. Uh, we both, we both, and again, it's like nature, nurture. I don't know if this is just like how my family is or just, you know,

I don't know, but we approached it in a very similar kind of like sideways way where we didn't, it wasn't very direct. It wasn't just like, where's my mom? You know, what's going on? It was, oh, you know, I should back up. I should back up. I think part of the reason why we were kind of being careful about the topic of my mother and just sort of like wading into too much information about her is I actually did reach out to my mother first.

before the 23andMe stuff because I had her address, I had that letter. It was the same time frame as when it was maybe like, I don't know, not too long before the 23andMe like dual miracle DNA connection stuff happened. But I reached out via mail, I wrote a letter back and I was like, I'm ready when you are, here's my email, here's my phone number. And I didn't hear back. I didn't hear back. And I tried again.

and I didn't hear back. So and you know, I wasn't it. It was a surprise. I think if anything, you know, now that I'm saying it, that kind of spurred my curiosity even more to sort of figure out the rest of the story. The letter, right? You know, the letter was an invitation. Yeah, the letter was an invitation, but it was an invitation that was from very long ago. And also, you know, so it was like I had this I had this sort of like, huh, you know,

I'm surprised, but I want to know more. Like, I'm not going to let this sort of stop me. So there was that, that sort of motivation, that permission I almost gave myself to like, go meet my grandma and not feel guilty or weird or just like stop. So kind of bringing it back to meeting grandma and touching on the subject of mom, you know, I told, I told her that much. I was like, I want you to know that I, you know, I did reach out to her and.

And I want you to know that because I want to be respectful of this whole process. Like, this obviously is a life -changing, incredibly difficult, incredibly personal thing for her, for me, for everybody involved. And if there was this invitation and she didn't get back to me, I'm sure there's a reason for it. And my grandma kind of went into some detail, which is that my mom is suffering from some pretty serious health issues, like enough where...

she had to quit her job. She was a public defender down in Orange County, which I'm sorry, that can't be easy just as it is. She was on this actual trajectory to becoming a judge and then being groomed to become a state Supreme Court justice. She was on this incredible career path and then something, some health stuff happened and she had to quietly step away.

And I think it was almost like she was right there towards this kind of monumental life goal. And so she's, I don't know, that's just kind of where she's at right now. But I think the way my grandma kind of left it was like, she's gonna do her, that's okay, but we're gonna do us. And we're gonna, like, I for sure wanna keep getting to know you and talking to you and having a relationship with you and you're welcome here anytime. And you know.

that kind of thing. Oh, so, I mean, as I mentioned before, this is all still unfolding, but like, where are you today? Like, how are you feeling today about this experience and getting to both sides of the family? I remain incredibly excited and just grateful and humbled, I think, by the whole thing that doesn't even encompass it. Those are just like.

I, it's, it really is like, especially is that because I'm approaching, approaching 40, turning 40 this year, and I'm super excited about it. But it's like, there's almost like the second act of my life, at least that's going to start unfolding. And I can get to know all of these amazing members of my family. And part of the large part of that is I've just been so incredibly lucky that the connectivity between us has been effortless. We just, we get in a room together when my

I met my sister and my cousin on my dad's side same day. We all were just like, let's meet at a coffee shop. Let's just see how it goes in a public place. We ended up spending the entire day together. We were talking about getting like a hotel room, you know, spending even more time together. Like we were sick as we were in a Lyft car together. And the driver was like, oh, is this a, y 'all doing a family reunion? We all started crying. We were like, we are.

I'm so grateful to be in touch with my grandma. I can go physically see my grandma. But like I'm just at the beginning and I am just so excited. So, so excited about it. Well, we're thrilled that you're willing to share your experience because I think that there are, I mean, as we as we tell Kendall's story and hear other stories like there's a lot of people out there that have something going on and and and they, you know, maybe they haven't done the 23 and me or ancestry. I mean, that's another thing. I mean, you could do.

Ancestry now, too, and see if others pop up on there because some people do 23 and me and some people do ancestry. So but part of the reason we're doing this is to really help other people kind of like get to some sort of comfort level and, you know, open up to asking questions and kind of like, you know, taking baby steps and doing it for, you know, the right way for them. But I think just you sharing your story and other people sharing their story is only going to help people be able to do that. So thank you.

Oh my God, thank you. Thank you. I think that this is just such, just echoing what you're saying, this is such necessary work that you're doing to just kind of, you know, make this more and more known, make these conversations happen more. Everyone has this, everyone's an individual with this, and yet we are all kind of in the same boat. I was just like, whoa, you know, and family, family is so powerful.

Family is so powerful. If I've learned anything from this experience, it's that absolutely, you can have a family of choice and you can make that happen. And it's like, and also there's something incredibly powerful about blood family. And there is like certain truths there. There are other things there. And it's just, I mean, it's really made me think about nature versus nurture and just life in general. It's become a very just cool and interesting thing to talk about.

And I love the fact that you're starting these conversations. I love it. I think it's so important. So thank you. Oh, you're welcome. And yeah, we're learning something every day about this as we go through this journey. It's just been incredible. And so I don't think this is going to be the last time we have you on the podcast, because I think there's going to be so much to talk about. And certainly, if your mom wants to come on, if your siblings want to come on, your cousin, your aunties, your grandmas, I mean, that would be so cool.

Because it's, you know, I think people need to hear, you know, the good stuff to me. There's there's always going to be not everything is going to be perfect, but I think people really need to hear the good stuff, too. Oh, absolutely, absolutely. And I'm I'm happy to I'm happy to share them with you and with everyone if they're willing to. And I'm also happy to kind of dive into, you know, the it wasn't all sunshine and roses for me, right? Like there were there were other parts of this that were incredibly difficult. And I think.

led to me needing to take decades in order to be ready to kind of do this. So I definitely want to like, I'm open to talking about that as well. And just sort of maybe, you know, it'll spark something for someone else out there that's kind of having this, for lack of a better word, like germination moment, this kind of cocoon moment with themselves, and wondering if that's okay. It's like, I'm here to tell you it's completely okay. Like, listen to your heart for sure. Like, it's worth it.

but I'm happy to talk more about that too. Perfect. Well, we'll wrap this up here. Will you do me a big favor and give our love to Oak Town because we miss it. Always. I'll be there in June. I'm looking forward to visiting and catching up with folks. Yes, that sounds great. That's when my birthday is too. I don't know if that's going to coincide, but that would be really cool. Awesome. We will connect offline and for sure.

Well, Sarah, thank you again for joining us and we're looking forward to talking to you again very soon. Oh, thanks so much, Corey, Kendall. I can't thank you. I said it before, but I will say it again. Thank you for doing this work, Julie. Thank you. Bye bye. Bye.

This is the Family Twist podcast hosted by Kendall and Corey Stulce with original music by Cosmic Afterthoughts and produced by Outpost Productions and presented by Savoir Faire Marketing Communications. Have a story you want to share? Visit Family Twist Podcast dot com. All our social media links are there as well.