What if being a good parent isn’t about doing more, but simply being present? In this week’s episode of The Science of Motherhood, Dr. Renee White sits down with award-winning filmmaker Hailey Bartholomew to explore what it really means to show up for our kids and ourselves.

Hailey’s latest documentary, Seen, is a heartfelt reflection on parenting, presence and the stories we carry from our own childhoods. With powerful insights from voices like Maggie Dent, Lael Stone, Nathan Wallis, Vanessa Lapointe, Selena Bartlett and Billy Garvey, the film invites us to rethink how we connect with our children and what they actually need from us.

Together, Renee and Hailey dive into the creative process behind the film, the guilt and grace of parenting, and why sometimes the most transformative thing we can offer is our full attention.

You’ll hear about:

• Why emotional presence matters more than performance
• The imprints that shape us and how they show up in motherhood
• What inspired Hailey to create Seen and the ripple effect of its message
• How creativity can help us process, reflect and reconnect
• Where to find local screenings or host one in your community

This episode is a tender, honest invitation to pause, reflect and remember that being present, even imperfectly, is more than enough.

Resources and Links:

Want to chat more about this?

Connect with Renee on Instagram: @fillyourcup_

Want to learn more about Dr Renee White and explore Fill Your Cup Doula services

If you want to gobble up our famous Chocolate + Goji lactation cookies , look no further!

🎬 Watch or host a screening of Seen – seenthefilm.com or follow the film on Instagram – @seendocumentary

📲 Connect with Hailey – @haileybe

🌐 Explore more of Hailey’s work – youcantbeserious.com.au

🎥 Watch Hailey’s TEDx talk: 365 Grateful Project – Watch on YouTube

Watch or host a screening of Seen – seenthefilm.com or follow the film on Instagram – @seendocumentary

Connect with Hailey – @haileybe

Explore more of Hailey’s work – youcantbeserious.com.au

Watch Hailey’s TEDx talk: 365 Grateful Project – Watch on YouTube

🔔This episode is proudly supported by Our Village, a Victorian charity that rehomes pre-loved nursery and kids' items to families who need them most. Our Village believes every child deserves to thrive and every parent should have support around them. You can help by donating time, goods or funds to make sure no family misses out.

Learn more: ourvillage.org.au

Instagram: @ourvillageaustralia

Facebook: Our Village

Loved this episode? Send it to a friend or tag @fillyourcup_ with your favourite moment. If you haven’t already, subscribe and leave a review. It helps more mums find their way to this space.

Because presence is powerful. And being seen can change everything. 💛

​Disclaimer:

The information in this podcast is presented by the Fill Your Cup is not a substitute for independent professional advice.

Nothing contained on this podcast is intended to be used as medical advice and it is not intended to be used to diagnose, treat, cure or prevent any disease, nor should it be used for therapeutic purposes or as a substitute for your own health professional's advice

[00:00:27] Dr Renee White: I'm Dr. Renee White, and this is The [00:00:30] Science of Motherhood. Hello and welcome to the Science of Motherhood. This week's episode is proudly supported by Our Village, here's a quick update about an amazing charity in Victoria who you may not be aware of. So Our Village actually used to be known as St. Kilda Mums, Geelong Mums and Eureka Mums. They accept donations of pre love nursery and kids items and clothing and rehome them to vulnerable [00:01:00] babies and children in our community. Our Village believes every child deserves the chance to thrive, and every parent or carer should have a village around them. Absolutely. That's why they're on a mission to help kids and protect our planet by repairing and reusing essential items like cots, prams, car seats, clothes, toys, and other childcare essentials. We all know how challenging it [00:01:30] is when you have a newborn, no matter how much money you have in the bank and how many people you have to support you. Our Village is supporting over 20,000 babies and children every year, but they need our help to reach even more. Takes a village to raise a child everyone I say it time and time again. And you can join Our Village by donating pre loved goods all your time, by volunteering in their warehouses. [00:02:00] With your help, Our Village can continue turning pre loved into re-loved, so every child thrives. If you would like to donate your time or some pre loved goods, head over to their website www.ourvillage.org.au to find out more or on their Instagram, Our Village or Facebook page. Okay. Let's dive in today's episode. [00:02:30] Hello and welcome to The Science of Motherhood. I am your host, Dr. Renee White. We are at 176 episodes guacamole. This is so, so amazing. In today's episode, we have the absolutely gorgeous Hailey Bartholomew.

[00:03:14] Dr Renee White: Parenting and it's got a whole bunch of experts on there, some very familiar names. Uh, people like Maggie Dent, Billy Garvey, Lael Stone, who has been on the podcast before. Selena Bartlett, Vanessa Lapointe, and [00:03:30] Nathan Wallis. It is outstanding. Please, please, please grab yourself some tickets to go see this film. It is so amazing. I just, yeah, no words. You just need to actually see it. You totally need to see it. We will put it in the show notes, but in order to get your ticket, you need to go to seenthefilm.com. [00:04:00] S-E-E-N-T-H-E-F-I-L m.com. And as Hailey kind of highlights, um, towards the end of the episode, you just jump on there, scroll down to screening events, and you pick your particular state and then you can see the events that have been, uh, kind of, you know, selected.

[00:05:09] Dr Renee White: We also talk about her TED talk, which is, oh my goodness, that is an ugly cry. I just sat there at my desk, you know, when I was doing research for this interview and just ugly cried. So if you need an ugly cry. Go and click the link below in the show notes. You will not be disappointed it is a beautiful, beautiful Ted talk.

[00:05:45] Hailey Bartholomew: I'm really good. Thank you for having me here.

[00:06:34] Hailey Bartholomew: Oh.

[00:07:12] Hailey Bartholomew: No, I mean That, that was just another project. I think a lot of my projects come out of personal, internal processing of some kind.

[00:07:24] Hailey Bartholomew: And this one, this one's particularly as my kids have got big, you know, I, I have adults [00:07:30] and they left home and I was kind of a little bit like, what the hell just happened? I was a bit like I didn't do what my parents did, but I can see some themes coming up here.

[00:07:41] Hailey Bartholomew: And also a little bit confused because I thought I had been doing all the things and it didn't kind of meet their needs, how I thought to it, would. So I was like, what just happened? And so I wanted to sort of investigate it really.

[00:07:59] Hailey Bartholomew: And a film is a [00:08:00] great way to do that. So I took, uh, I had a few sort of ideas and I started reaching out to some people and one of the people I reached out to was Sam from Parent TV and she's an amazing, I had previously worked on a tiny project with her and I wrote her an email and I was like, Hey, do you wanna do a, a film on parenting by any chance? And she hasn't done film she does a lot of content that's like. More educational content about if you have a toddler who keeps wetting their bed or stuff like that.

[00:08:30] Hailey Bartholomew: And, um, I said I wanted to do a film on parenting. She was like, right away replied, she's like an energizer bunny. She's like, yes, let's make this. And I was like, whoa, whoa.

[00:08:50] Hailey Bartholomew: Yeah, no, it, as soon as Sam got on board, it was just like we're we're off and it's been amazing. She's, yeah, she's [00:09:00] had all the contacts because of her Parent TV, and so I was literally just landed straight in the belly of where I needed to be to make this story. And, um. It's just been a, a wild, sort of like me trying to keep up with processing how I did not do what our children need, my children need. I wasn't able to be really emotionally present to my kids in a way that I wish I could. So there was a lot coming up for me as I [00:09:30] made the film and yeah, it's, it's been a, a wild ride two years now and learned a lot myself, but also I just got to meet amazing people and humans that have really enriched my life massively.

[00:10:28] Hailey Bartholomew: Yeah.

[00:11:05] Hailey Bartholomew: Yeah, I mean, my mum gave me so many good things. Like I, you know, it's, it's, she's a, she's one kickass woman that one, you know, it not to be messed with. I did grow up really conservatively religious.

[00:11:19] Hailey Bartholomew: And that had a massive impact on me in terms of guilt and a lot of like, shame around normal teenage things and

[00:11:29] Hailey Bartholomew: you know, a [00:11:30] lot of stuff. And so the early years, I actually, even when I first became a parent, I was like, well, I'm not gonna smack, I'm not gonna yell, I'm not gonna do the things that I didn't like. And there's no i'm not shaming my mum with that, she's an amazing woman, but these are the things that I didn't wanna do. And then, yeah, so I set about to not do those and I, you know. There's definitely a handful of times I've yelled, but in the large majority, that is something I was able to kind of [00:12:00] control.

[00:12:01] Hailey Bartholomew: Not process, but control. There's a difference. And I think when my kids became teenagers, it's then that I couldn't really work out how to manage as well, because all the shame and stuff that I hadn't dealt with in my teenage years was sitting there waiting for me.

[00:12:21] Hailey Bartholomew: So I, I think the early years were less triggering I think for me. And you know, the beauty about little kids is you can completely control the [00:12:30] environment.

[00:12:33] Hailey Bartholomew: And I did. Um, you know, we unschool dad, children, we traveled the world with them. Yeah. You know, we did really alternative things. Anything they wanted to learn. My, you know, my 10-year-old at the time when she was 10, she wanted to learn how to do website design that's what we did. You know, like it was very centered around them. But once, you know, they were teenagers, they wanted to go to school. It, the cracks really started [00:13:00] to appear because I couldn't keep them happy. I couldn't

[00:13:03] Hailey Bartholomew: Make the world exactly what they needed it to be. And that's where, you know, I really, probably the biggest mistake is thinking that you need to keep your kids happy. That's, I kind of weirdly thought that, that's,

[00:13:19] Hailey Bartholomew: Yeah. And so once, yeah, once they were teenagers and they weren't too happy about lots of things, you know, I was like, panicky.

[00:14:37] Dr Renee White: But then when she came back to school, because she had traveled like through three different countries and we'd always talked about different cultures and respect and all of this type of stuff. She was in her classroom and they were talking about Chinese New Year and her teacher was talking through this book and you know, the mythology of it all and evidently another child [00:15:00] turned around and said, oh, that's just silly 'cause like, you know, dragons aren't real and you know, why would they even do that?

[00:15:08] Dr Renee White: And the teacher went to turn around and say, well actually, you know, this is about different traditions and cultures. And apparently my kid piped up and she was like, but it doesn't matter because it's what they believed in.

[00:15:20] Dr Renee White: And the teacher was like, spot on. And we kind of got pulled aside at parent teacher interviews and she told me what had happened and [00:15:30] incidentally, that then flowed onto, they have a big, uh, school assembly and they award like four children for the whole school for this specific award and typically it's the older kids who get it. But my daughter got called up and she won one of the awards for respect.

[00:15:51] Dr Renee White: And it was such like, it was such a like amazing moment for me. 'cause I thought, oh my God, Renee, you felt [00:16:00] so anxious and all this guilt for like taking her out of school. And I'm just like, okay, that paid off. Like I feel good now we're okay to go. So

[00:16:15] Dr Renee White: mm-hmm.

[00:16:35] Dr Renee White: Yeah.

[00:16:43] Dr Renee White: Yeah.

[00:16:53] Dr Renee White: Yeah.

[00:16:56] Dr Renee White: Yeah, absolutely. So for all those playing at home, just take your kids on [00:17:00] the trip. Don't worry about that attempt. You'll be right.

[00:17:21] Dr Renee White: Have they got the travel bug now? Are they often,

[00:17:32] Dr Renee White: Okay. Yep.

[00:17:44] Dr Renee White: I love that.

[00:17:50] Dr Renee White: Yeah. Fair enough. All right, I wanna switch gears. I wanna talk about this documentary Seen.

[00:17:55] Dr Renee White: Let's, let's encapsulate it. What, what can the [00:18:00] viewers expect from, from seeing this?

[00:18:36] Dr Renee White: Some of the experts or not, or some all like, I was looking at the list the other day and I was like, Maggie Dent, Bill Garvey, Lael Stone, Selena Barlett, Vanessa Lapointe, Nathan Wallis. I was just like, um, any, any other showstoppers that you guys like wanted to throw in there?

[00:18:55] Dr Renee White: I, I'd love for you to, if, if you can walk [00:19:00] me through those experts, as you've already said. You know, you kind of fell into the belly of like all of these experts being on hand.

[00:19:09] Dr Renee White: Was, was there decision making or I guess, you know, how did you land on, on those particular people? Was there something that you thought Okay, they really shined through on those?

[00:19:22] Dr Renee White: And what were the ta kind of takeaways?

[00:19:39] Dr Renee White: Mm.

[00:20:15] Dr Renee White: Mm-hmm.

[00:20:59] Dr Renee White: [00:21:00] Yeah. I'd love to know along the way, what were the, what were the standout points of view or like what were things that you were like, holy heck, I had no idea about that.

[00:21:23] Dr Renee White: yeah.

[00:21:39] Dr Renee White: Yeah.

[00:21:47] Dr Renee White: yeah.

[00:21:49] Dr Renee White: Yeah.

[00:21:58] Dr Renee White: Mm-hmm.

[00:22:22] Dr Renee White: Mm-hmm.

[00:22:53] Dr Renee White: Yes.

[00:23:10] Dr Renee White: Yeah.

[00:23:23] Dr Renee White: Yes. Yeah.

[00:23:27] Dr Renee White: Yeah, absolutely. [00:23:30] That's, I guess, my kind of you know, follow on question from that is that if you, if you had your time again with your kids, based on what you've taken from these experts. I think what are kind of, you know, the top things that you might have done differently? You know, you've gotta redo If we could, I got redo back time, time.

[00:24:23] Dr Renee White: Mm-hmm.

[00:24:47] Dr Renee White: Yeah.

[00:24:50] Dr Renee White: Yeah.

[00:25:21] Dr Renee White: Yeah.

[00:25:28] Dr Renee White: Yeah.

[00:25:37] Dr Renee White: Yeah, I think that's really valuable advice. I mean, like I run a business as, as well, and I, that's one of the things I find really, really difficult to do, which is compartmentalise like business and personal life, and I just I find that if, if I don't, like for example, like school [00:26:00] holidays are just a mess. You know? The first time I did school holidays, I had a mental breakdown because, oh, I thought I'm the default parent. So, you know, if my daughter's sick, then I go pick her up and what have you. And I was just like, I, I didn't organise any, like, assistance for school holidays. Like I've got my husband's, um, family here and like, I don't know what the hell I was thinking and I [00:26:30] was like, oh, you know, life, will just go on and I can run my business. And well, and then I was like. Oh my God, this is not going to work. And I had to learn how to ask for help. I really struggled with that. Is that, is that something you ever struggled with? Like, you know, like trying to juggle it all? And did also, the other question I wanna ask is, did you think that you could do it all, all at the same time? Because I feel like that that's a big kind of social thing as well.

[00:27:11] Dr Renee White: Yeah.

[00:27:20] Dr Renee White: I don't like that idea.

[00:27:36] Dr Renee White: Mm-hmm.

[00:28:05] Dr Renee White: Yeah.

[00:28:35] Dr Renee White: Oh God. Yeah.

[00:29:01] Dr Renee White: Yeah. I wanna talk about the creativity aspect of this because there seems to be, there seems to be this thing that keeps cropping up and I see it time and time again with the mums that I work with, with myself personally, friends, family. I don't know what it is, and I really, well, maybe there might be some studies. I see when women kind of get in the thick of [00:29:30] motherhood that they, doesn't matter kind of what their previous brains are like. I'm very sciencey, black and white, logical thinking type of thing. But I was steering towards creative projects and I find that like if my brain is super busy and I feel wired.

[00:29:59] Hailey Bartholomew: Oh, [00:30:00] cool.

[00:30:53] Dr Renee White: Like that was her creativity and that's how she worked through it and I'm not saying that like motherhood or parenthood is [00:31:00] traumatic, but it's a bloody big event. Like, you know, it is like definitely a fork in the road type of thing and core memories and like it's, it's big, right? So. I guess my question to you, real roundabout question to you is, do you see that, have you seen that? Did you like this, the gratitude project, like the fact that you took photos every single day to, you know, encapsulate what you were grateful for. Do you think that that was a product of [00:31:30] motherhood? I like you've always been creative and so that's kind of like your channel.

[00:31:44] Dr Renee White: I don't have maths. Maths is not for me. No,

[00:32:18] Dr Renee White: Yeah.

[00:32:38] Dr Renee White: Yeah.

[00:32:45] Dr Renee White: but I think of that phrase and like, I don't know who said it, I say all my daughter all the time. Boredom breeds creativity. Like I always say that to her because she's like, mum, I'm bored. And I'm like, boredom breeds creativity. Work it, it does. Like what are you gonna do? Yeah. Get a notebook.

[00:33:11] Hailey Bartholomew: Oh, good. Well you can vacuum for me then

[00:33:17] Hailey Bartholomew: I have two. I think a large part of that is that they never were allowed to be bored.

[00:33:50] Hailey Bartholomew: Learned to be very very kind and compassionate to yourself, so that you can do that for your kids.

[00:34:18] Hailey Bartholomew: well, I think this film is what I wish I could have give myself. Yep. Actually. I think this is what I wish I had access to when I was becoming a mum. Okay. [00:34:30] So it is, it is a hundred percent what I wish I had. I, I read a lot of books, but none of them spoke to this, and this is, I think, the most important.

[00:34:44] Hailey Bartholomew: I love Brene Brown.

[00:34:50] Hailey Bartholomew: I hope, I hope you get that one day. Put it on your vision board.

[00:35:07] Hailey Bartholomew: I have a journal and I have two books at the moment, but normally there's two books of one or another. Yep. And my water bottle, that's all.

[00:35:22] Hailey Bartholomew: Uh, yes, I'm reading Mary Oliver's devotion.

[00:35:26] Hailey Bartholomew: Which I love, which is very like keep you in the present [00:35:30] type stuff.

[00:35:31] Hailey Bartholomew: And I'm also reading. Uh, a book called, it's an, um, it's not the, I actually dunno, what is the book underneath the top book? It's a, I think it's called Let Them

[00:35:45] Hailey Bartholomew: By Mel Robbins or something.

[00:35:49] Hailey Bartholomew: Yeah. Yeah.

[00:35:50] Hailey Bartholomew: I haven't, I haven't finished it so I can't give it a review, but yeah,

[00:36:06] Hailey Bartholomew: Well, it's showing all around Australia, kudos to Sam, who's a marketing genius, there's screenings everywhere and you basically hop on the website and look under screenings. And then if there isn't a screening where you want one, you can press the button that says host a screening, and you can put one on in your cinema. And as long as you, it'll go up on the website and people can then [00:36:30] book. And as long as it gets a minimum number, it will go ahead and you'll get to see it

[00:36:35] Hailey Bartholomew: with your friends and family. So yeah, it's an amazing way and, and we, I, Sam really wants this to be seen in kind of community with groups of people because we do need support to do this kind of work.

[00:36:50] Hailey Bartholomew: And, and having your friends and being able to talk through your own childhood stuff and having people to bounce off this stuff is really important. So, yeah. There's also [00:37:00] amazing resources on the website. Lots of them are free, but there's also a whole course. There's so many things there that, you know, I made the film, but Sam has worked very hard to create the support that people need to be able to action this into their lives.

[00:37:28] Hailey Bartholomew: And then she'll be like, [00:37:30] and I'm gonna get the resources.

[00:37:38] Hailey Bartholomew: Excellent. Well, you're prepared. I love it.

[00:38:11] Hailey Bartholomew: Uh, I just wanted to talk briefly very, very quickly about the parents in the film who are like, yes. So they're sharing their emotional and very vulnerable stories of the mistakes they've made and the struggles that they personally have and they are so vulnerable. Like it, [00:38:30] I, you know, it's hard to talk about our failings and they have done this very bravely, and I hope it inspires other people.

[00:38:38] Hailey Bartholomew: You know, these are just ordinary, well, I consider them amazing people, but, but I think the, we haven't chosen famous people or anything like that. We've chosen people who are really vulnerable about the mistakes and the hardship they've had with parenting.

[00:38:53] Hailey Bartholomew: And, and the learning they've had. So, I, I. Say that because I think it's their stories that, [00:39:00] that are what's powerful about the film. And, and you might see yourself in those stories and I think, yeah, they're, they're just beautiful humans. So I hope you enjoy.

[00:39:15] Hailey Bartholomew: Thank you for having me. That's so kind.

[00:39:58] Dr Renee White: Ensuring you feel [00:40:00] nurtured, informed, and empowered so you can fully embrace the joy of motherhood with confidence. Until next time, bye.