Dr. Stephen Snyder is a sex and relationship therapist, Associate Clinical Professor of Psychiatry at the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai in New York City, and the author of the acclaimed sex and relationship book, LOVE WORTH MAKING: How to Have Ridiculously Great Sex in a Long-Lasting Relationship.

In this episode, Dr Snyder and I discuss:  

• The nature of desire and why you don’t need it. 
• Why we make ourselves crazy trying to cultivate desire instead of a-tuning ourselves to our long term partners through mindful moments of inspiration. 
• Why frustration is a good thing in relationships.
• Why your goal should be to get dumb and happy with your partner (according to Dr. Synder, this is the ticket to keep a long term erotic connection simmering).
• How to be seen, speak up, and find your voice. 
• Selfishness + making it easy. 
• Focus on wanting to consuming your partner — eroticism is about taking selfish joy in the other person’s existence inside the bedroom. And outside the bedroom, being able to assert what you need, think and feel even when the other needs thinks and feels something different; this is what creates the core of the couples confidence and creativity together. 
• Why pressure tends to make the erotic mind rebel. 
• Dr Synder says “given that our erotic selves are ultimately such small children, what we really want to do is be good parents to our erotic children.” 
• And we also touch on setting limits for ourselves in the 21st century, especially when it comes to enactments.  

RESOURCES:

Find Dr Snyder online at loveworthmaking.com and sexualityresource.com

Sometimes a change in surroundings can make all the difference. Come away with your partner and combine the core elements of a spa retreat with a personalized deep dive into Connectfulness® couple therapy, and return home restored and deeply aware of your relational patterns. I’m booking one Private Couples Intensive Retreat Experiences per month. Learn more at connectfulness.com/intensive

Learn more about my relationship therapy practice in NY at connectfulness.com

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Mentioned in this episode:

WDMP Integrating Heart+Mind

WDMP Integrating Heart+Mind